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endcolonizers · 1 month
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Entire Gaza population now 100 percent severely food insecure
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endcolonizers · 1 month
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endcolonizers · 1 month
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A cute guy likes me on a dating app. After chatting with them for weeks, we decide to go on a date. They are very flirtatious and forward over the app, but not when we meet in person. He admits he thought I was transmasc like him, we laugh about it because his mistake is funny and means I'm not passing but in a silly backwards way. I think his sudden awkwardness in person may be nervousness and flirt with him in ways less forward and aggressive than he'd been flirting with me earlier, and they become cold and distant for the rest of the date. By the time I get home they've blocked me on the app we met on. This case of being mistaken as a transmasc on a dating app will happen 3 more times, and in 2/3 times it results in a similar sudden lack of interest where once they were coming on to me. None of these people will be cis.
I am in a self defense class for queer people, learning hand to hand combat as a community. I have been here months. I notice I'm the only transfem in the classes but there are other trans people there so I don't think much of it. Today I have some stubble as I did not have time to shave before the early morning class. When discussing unrealistic action movie and anime fight scenes I describe on of my favorites, quoting the lines as I pantomime the goofy moves. They smile and laugh along until the word bitch leaves my lips in one quote, then the bisexual woman who only ever they/thems me glares at me like I've committed a grevious crime, and the rest of the class looks at me like a freak in awkward silence for a moment before moving on. I learn bitch is not a word a clocky bitch can "reclaim". I am quiet in classes now, and when I go I focus primarily on the training, when I see other trans women try it out they often give me a sad look and do not return for a second class. I get a sinking feeling that if I ever use this training to save my life one day I'd be branded a violent man instead of a strong woman.
I am texting with a good friend of years who was one of the people who helped me realize I was trans like them and even the one who helped pick out my name loves talking about our shared interests and sharing their favorite smut with me. We bond over favorite stories, artists, characters, and kinks as well as our trans experience. Yet they constantly tell me they could never date someone who's AMAB because of the trauma of being "female socialized" and their genital preferences for vulvas. Every compliment they have ever given me on my appearance or outfit is followed up by "but in a non-sexual way, I could never date you". Today I finally have the courage tell them they don't need to say that every time. They ignore this response. We keep talking for awhile, but they start taking months to respond to my messages and respond with a short sentence at most. They no longer share details about their life and shut me out when I ask or share details about mine, even the most mundane and chaste details. I stop talking to them. A birthday gift I bought them months before this falling out happened looms at me in my closet. I cannot use it as it doesn't fit me but can't bring myself to throw it away, just in case we reconcile one day. I feel pathetic for craving friendship with someone who sees me as "abuser-bodied", that so much of my early stages would've been impossible without their help. I feel a little more lost without them.
I am at a queer/trans/enby kink dance party with some friends. I am scantily clad and wearing a skirt and high heeled boots. I do not pass well so this space is one of the few places I feel safe and free dressing like this. It is packed with queer and trans people just like me engaged in delightful debauchery and wearing very little. The music hurts my ears but I'm happy to be here, I feel overstimulated but alive and authentic. I am approached by a beautiful stranger from across the dance floor, she is graceful and stylish, like some modern Galadriel clad in leather, white lace, and industrial piercings with impeccable voice training. She compliments my outfit, I compliment hers. She tells me I need to shave my armpits if I want to look like a real woman. My two friends stand up for me and yell at her. They assure me she was just being an asshole, that women were supposed to be hairy, but I can't help but notice how both of them have hairy armpits and yet the "advice" targeted me. The wide range of bodies that people here tonight find desirable on cis women don't seem to apply to the women like me. I am the only one of us that doesn't go home with a hookup at the end of the night. I realize now she likely spoke from experience. I am still hurt by her words, but realizing the kinds of experiences she must have had herself to feel her words were kind advice hurts far worse.
A local queer photographer who's work I follow is looking for women & non-binary models for a photoshoot. I have become comfortable with getting photos taken of me for the first time in my life since my egg cracked, and had a few small time modeling gigs under my belt. With something like this I could actually have the beginnings of a portfolio. I reach and am told that they are not looking for trans women models, "only women and AFABs". Getting the same line I get from agencies from an independent queer photographer repackaged in "woke" terminology stings. I see many queer and nonbinary models I looked up to take part in the shoot. I have to wonder if they knew that the photographer's definition of woman didn't include trans women, or if like me in my martial arts class they noticed no transfems were there but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there.
It is years ago and I am still an egg. I am with my partner of 4 years. I am exhausted after a long day. She asks me for sex in the voice that I know means saying no will hurt her. I learned from her long ago men have high and insatiable sex drives, therefore saying no meant I wanted to have sex, just not with her. So I say yes. The sex is painful and unsatisfying, and I simply do my best to thrust through the discomfort until she cums. I feel numb and hurt. She enjoys herself but seems sad I did not cum. I assure her I love her. When we hold eachother after my obligation has been met and I finally feel comfortable and safe. We begin talking. She talks about the trashy women she saw on the street today, describing their cringe outfits and ugly styles and bad hair. All the styles and clothes and hair I yearn to try myself in my deepest and most repressed desires. I change the subject and ask her about work and family. She asks if I'd still love her if she were a man and I say yes. She says she would still love me if I were a woman. Something in that statement feels like a lie. It is months later when we break up and I move out. Now that I am a woman I look back and know from our years together that if I were a woman then she'd hate the kind of woman I'd become. That if I were a woman she'd still have the same expectations of me as a man, that her refusal of sex equated an impersonal not being in the mood but my refusal of sex equated a cruel refusal of love.
A lesbian group begins organizing a queer woman's strip night event. A safe place for amateur performers to shine and women to perform and enjoy sexuality away from the male gaze. I see no transfems in the promotional material or leadership team, and I've learned not to think nothing of it just because there are other trans people there. I do not go.
I am talking with my therapist. They are trans too and an amazing therapist, often providing insights and advice only someone else with the lived experience of being trans can. I express distress and suicidal ideation at the fact I feel like I need to pass before I can dress the way I want. That until I get expensive hair removal procedures and FFS I can never feel safe and welcome presenting authentically. I lament how these things are expensive and may never be accessible to me. They tell me I need to deal with my "internalized transphobia", as if these feelings aren't a result of constant rejection and othering by external forces even within queer spaces. As if the scrap of womanhood others sometimes acknowledge in me does not rely on their perceptions of me.
There is a publication accepting works from trans people of all stripes to document trans experiences. It gets flamed for not having a single transfem as a contributor. The people behind it apologize profusely, they say didn't notice no transfems had sent work in and would do a sequel publication that was transfem-centric. I wonder if anyone had noticed there were no transfems but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there. I think about the kinds of spaces I've seen like that, and the implications it has about how they treat transfems, and I am unsurprised no transfems submitted.
One of my closest friends for years is very supportive of me when I first begin crossdressing and experimenting with they/them pronouns. She gives me suggestions on cute clothes to wear and takes me shopping as well as asks for pictures. We had helped eachother discover we were both queer as young teens, come to terms with it, and navigate it in a hostile environment, so I have complete trust. We are close enough we are frequently asking eachother advice on serious life choices & relationships, sending nudes for critique + tips before sending them to our partners, and sharing our most secret and vulnerable moments. She often asks me for tips on getting her straight boyfriends into pegging and crossdressing that make me slightly uncomfortable but I don't mind, she is a loyal friend I would endure a great many discomforts for. I host a lunch for us one day, and come out to her as a trans woman. I tell her my new name, say I no longer use he/him pronouns, and thank her for her support on my journey thus far. She launches into a monologue about how by changing my name I am throwing away all our memories together and spitting in the face of my family. Taken aback by her sudden heel turn after being so supportive of me being nonbinary and GNC, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to get a break and give her some time to process. When I am in the bathroom trying not to cry, she is on the phone. I overhear her misgendering me as she is talking about me being bisexual in a frightened voice. She sounds truly afraid that I intend to be sexually violent towards her. When I leave the bathroom and sit back down I pretend not to have heard. She gets off the phone, saying she was just chatting with her boyfriend. We talk a bit longer, she explains how "the surgery" is dangerous and experimental and she hopes I won't get it. I assure her I won't and do my best to change the subject and hope she comes around after some time to process things, hurt and shocked that what I saw as a natural shift in the path I was already on marked me as frightening in her eyes after knowing eachother for over a decade. That a fellow bisexual suddenly saw my bisexuality as dangerous now that I was asserting myself as a trans woman. I say goodbye to her, and she says goodbye to me using my deadname, I do not risk an argument to correct her. It is months after the meeting we have not seen eachother since and she has not responded to any messages I sent. After reflecting on her reaction further I decide that I don't really want to spend time with someone who thinks these things about me for my own safety and mental health, regardless of our history. A friend of 14 years who supported my queerness and transness gone the instant I crossed an intangible woman-shaped line that marked me as a predator and invader in her eyes.
I log online and day after day see trans women getting banned and harassed. Seeing baseless callout posts calling them groomers and abusers getting taken seriously by other queer and trans people. Seeing proof that deep down so many people I consider kindred spirits see me and people like me as worthy of intense scrutiny and policing to keep "the queer community" safe and united. The blocklist grows but everything stays the same. I treasure the people in my life who don't take part in this and would do anything for them, but it seems they get fewer each time.
I'm not making this post to seek sympathy, I am used to this kind of shit and far worse has happened to myself and others. I just make this to illustrate transmisogyny is not some "online-only" issue like people claim. Even if online issues weren't "real" (as healed is fond of saying, "online is real") this has tangible effects in the way trans women are treated offline as well. By communities, friends, partners, colleagues, systems, etc. That's why we talk about it.
So much of the discussions people have paint transmisogyny as some online oppression olympics maliciously trying to divide the community, smear transmascs, and "reinvent bioessentialism". That is not what it is about. Discussions about transmisogyny is about how we are treated for being what we are, and while related to transphobia and misogyny it is seperate because it often represents doors other trans people and women can walk through that transfems cannot. It has affected me in my most intimate moments when I was with other trans and queer people I felt safe around, and taught me that I need to carefully manage my persona and presentation at all times lest my authenticity be branded "male socialization". I am even terrified to express attraction to people who express attraction towards me because I'm so used to being treated like a predator upon reciprocating or being used and abandoned by people I trusted. I am terrified to be too excited about shared interests with friends lest I be too loud or talkative about it and branded with aggressive male socialization. So I make myself quiet and small, and shrink from the community and people I care about, and become more and more isolated.
Anyways, stop platforming anons who spread lies about trans women, stop hopping on TERF harassment campaigns because the trans gal they're smearing "gave you bad vibes", and maybe consider carefully if in your own life where you draw the line for a transfem's behavior is any different from where you'd draw the line for anyone who's not one.
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endcolonizers · 1 month
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Righteous Torrence "Chevy" Hill, a barber based in Atlanta, was recently killed for being trans. There aren't many people talking about this and the obvious reason is because he is a black trans man. It's a shame that this went unnoticed for so long, but I'm using this platform to remind people that black trans men are often left out of the conversation about who we need to protect and it's unfair.
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https://www.them.us/story/righteous-torrence-chevy-hill-atlanta-death
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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The eurovision channel posted Israel's song on yoututbe. DO NOT INTERACT WITH IT AT ALL. I cannot stress this enough. Do not watch it, not even to leave comments in favor of Palestine. Not even to dislike it. The algorithm doesn't work that way. Just report it. Make sure to do the same on any other streaming platform you use. Block the artist. Report her even. But DO NOT engage with the song in any streaming platform. Also don't use the hashtag eurovision.
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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"since october 7, too many have been killed . those are lives, really. it’s humanity, really. But apparently we can’t say that."
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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REBLOG TO PISS OFF TRANSPHOBES
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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happy international womens day! remember that there are palestenian women in need of feminine hygiene products! you can donate here, and the cheapest tier is 5$!
if you can't donate, reblog! doing something is better than doing nothing! remember to keep talking, keep calling and keep donating! from the river to the sea, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE!! 🇵🇸
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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Please don't skip. (blm) It's black history month still, please consider donating to a friendly black girl that is raising her 7 year old sister. I desperately need help with food and bills. As i try to get food stamps. Any donation is appropriate.
168/1500 goal. rent due on march 7th .
venmo: Queenloki89
Cash app: Queenloki89
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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reblog this to scare the ceo
[-4, +1]
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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Emily Gwen, the creator of the lesbian flag, needs money for food and to pay off medical bills after finally being able to find a stable home. I've seen us (lesbians & other queer people) show up massively whenever someone cross-posts their tweets to Tumblr so I'm giving it a shot. If you can't donate right now (understandable) please signal boost If the lesbian flag has ever brought you pride, joy, or comfort, please consider passing that on to its creator if you're in a place to help out financially. Even really small amounts like a dollar or two add up fast Ko-fi link: https://ko-fi.com/emilygwen
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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A nonbinary child was murdered recently and I’ve been reporting multiple transphobic comments misgendering them, mocking their death, and deadnaming them. But they stay up. Tumblr won’t do anything about it. But they drop everything to permanently ban a trans women.
Really shows their priorities.
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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Hello, am really sorry for sending you private message concerning my request in the ongoing situation in Rafa. The continuous bombardment and the ongoing genocide pose a significant threat to their well-being. What pains me even more is that due to the lack of medications in Gaza, my Mom, who is a type 2 Diabetis patiant and was scheduled for an urgent eye surgery, have had no access to insulin or any medical care for the past 3 months. Some of my family members sought refuge in the southernmost part of Gaza (Rafah) in tents. However, my parents, and sisters have no alternative place to stay, forced to remain in the Nusierat refugee camp, which is now the subject of continuous severe bombardment since christmas started.” Am on my knees requesting for your donations. Please help where possible.
as of right now, i can’t send donations as much as i want to, as i have no source of income and my bank account is low, but i’ll still encourage others to send donations if they can.
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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my heart is aching
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Queering the Map in Gaza and the West Bank
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endcolonizers · 2 months
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Palestine Donation Links Masterpost
This is a masterpost of places to throw your money at to support Palestine. I'm gonna try and keep this updated as much as I can.
*** Please note, donating does not mean you should stop boosting Palestinian voices. Spreading awareness is JUST AS IMPORTANT as sending money since misinformation is one of the Zionist movement's most dangerous tools. ***
(Last Updated: 13-02-2024)
Palestine Children's Relief Fund
In addition, follow the PCRF on twitter (@/thePCRF) as they regularly post about opportunities to donate to support Palestine.
UNRWA
Doctors without Borders
Defense for Children Palestine
Palestinian Red Crescent Society
United Palestinian Appeal
Heal Palestine
eSims for Gaza
Care for Gaza (PayPal / GoFundMe)
Medical Aid for Palestinians
Islamic Relief USA
ANERA
Help Gaza Children
Sulala Animal Rescue
Hirbawi Kufiyas
Palestinian Youth Movement
BDS Movement
Decolonize Palestine (Patreon)
Aid requests from Palestinians in Gaza:
Help Ahmed Saad get to safety
Help Lama AlJamous Evacuate
Support Khalil in Gaza
Help Yoseph and his Family
Surgery fund for Abdulaziz
Support Abdelrahim Alfarra
Help Yosef Kassab Evacuate
Safe Passage for Nadin
Help Yousef Yaser get treatment for cancer
Help Adel Al Zaharneh
Help Shaymaa's family leave Gaza
Evacuate Abood's family from Gaza to safety
Help Mohamed and his family evacuate
*** If you have any additional recognized and trustworthy places to donate, please either reply or send me an ask or DM and I will update this list! ***
In addition, Palestinians (both in Palestine and diaspora) can feel free to leave your paypals / ko-fi's / cashapps / venmo.... whichever you want in the replies.
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