fatherhated

[fatherhated]

okay. well. i am decidedly not coming back to this blog. i remade an already remade a multi to be super private. if anybody wants the url, because sam is on it, let me know.

i do keep saying i’ll be here etc. but that’s not happening any time soon or on any of my blogs. it’s been fun, but i’m calling it quits. nothing personal but my motivation to write as well as the joy that is supposed to come out of it hasn’t been there for a while. (me making new blogs to try and spark something 🤡🤡) and i am distracted by a, quite frankly, shitty personal life and i can’t focus on both. i’m not deleting, because inevitably i’ll make a return and then disappear again but for now, you can catch me on discord.

#i'll deactivate this blog next time i log in ✌️

[fatherhated]

MY NAME IS AMICIA DE RUNE, AND I KNEEL TO NO ONE.   #PROTECTIR.

#sp. #re: my last post. hi lol #i can never stay away from this godforsaken site.

[fatherhated]

i do keep saying i’ll be here etc. but that’s not happening any time soon or on any of my blogs. it’s been fun, but i’m calling it quits. nothing personal but my motivation to write as well as the joy that is supposed to come out of it hasn’t been there for a while. (me making new blogs to try and spark something 🤡🤡) and i am distracted by a, quite frankly, shitty personal life and i can’t focus on both. i’m not deleting, because inevitably i’ll make a return and then disappear again but for now, you can catch me on discord.

#pain. suffering even #when writing isn’t hard and draining and my life doesn’t suck ass you will all see #out.

[fatherhated]

male characters are at their most relatable when they have a weakness for insane women

#sam and ruby actually

[fatherhated]

I give death to those deserving. I’m not the Devil. You were wrong about that. But I can give you death. Interview with the Vampire 1.01 ‘In Throes of Increasing Wonder…’

#for your information i am still thinking about this. #literally samcore #the dead behind the eyes look #the blood around his mouth #THE BURNING CHURCHHHHJ #yea yea yea yea

[fatherhated]

𝚂.𝚆.   SAM WINCHESTER OF THE CW’S SUPERNATURAL. AFFILIATED WITH @FATHERHAUNTED. WRITTEN BY ELLIE.   #FATHERHATED.

#eighteen plus. they/them. gmt. ♡ #dni.

[fatherhated]

one day i’ll return 😔

#out. #when my motivation when my writing drive returns from war #specifically when my life isn’t out of wack 🤫

[fatherhated]

they are NOT the same people to me

#i stopped watching in season 11 but girl. that is not it. #that is not sam winchester.

[fatherhated]

i should get back here

#hm.

[fatherhated]

sam praying in rundown motel rooms when dean is asleep. on his knees, at the foot of his bed and to a god he never quite believes in. in the car, silently when he pretends to sleep. (there is a cross clasped in his fist, in his pocket). 

#shhh im thinking.

[fatherhated]

— for the love of a brother.

The Burial at Thebes, Seamus Heaney // Cain Murders Abel, Pietro Novelli // A Brother Named Gethsemane, Natalia Diaz // Cain and Abel, Alexandre Falguière // You are Jeff, Richard Siken // Famous Blue Raincoat, Leonard Cohen // Cain Killing Abel, Daniele Crespi // Cain and Abel, Tintoretto // Genesis 4:9 // I Am The Brother of XX: Stories, Fleur Jaeggy.

#this is so. #re: dean.

[fatherhated]

†.  SHE… LONGS TO RUN HERSELF AGROUND IN A SAD, SECRET DEATH. IS IT A GOD INSIDE YOU, GIRL?  written by jay.  ¹⁸⁺  

#sp. #this is also where i am. kinda.

[fatherhated]

begging people to have an ounce of critical thinking skills and stop posting vagues about other blogs. nobody is forcing you to agree with what they do. nobody is forcing you to interact. (if their behaviour is problematic, deal with them personally). and it is always funny that they come from supposed drama-free blogs, and those who comment, desperate to know who did this or that, are complicit. some of y’all enjoy it more than you’d admit.

#genuinely— tumblr’s atmosphere is toxic as fuck. #get your drama elsewhere. i beg. #avoiding these blogs like the plague fr. #delete.

[fatherhated]

am still kicking, just kinda busy with other things. 

#when i catch up on discord and memes... #probably soon. #delete.

[fatherhated]

miscellaneous angst starters.

when were you going to tell me?

you can’t keep doing this to yourself.

that’s…a lot of blood.

can you walk?

please don’t lie to me.

you were supposed to leave.

i’m not going anywhere without you.

shh, it’s okay. it was just a dream.

there was nothing more you could have done.

it wasn’t your fault.

this is all my fault.

you aren’t acting like yourself.

i’m never going to let [her/him/them] hurt you again.

you’re hurting me.

don’t ever do that again.

go to hell.

please don’t cry.

you have to stay awake.

i wish i could take the pain away.

you could have died.

hey – stay with me.

it’ll be over soon.

did you ever love me?

i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.

things won’t always hurt this bad.

you passed out.

how much have you had?

i’m okay. it’s all fine.

it’s not okay! you’re not fine!

let me get you something for the pain.

it’s nothing. it’s just a bruise.

it’s clearly not nothing.

have you been to the doctor?

i didn’t mean the things i said.

i thought we meant something.

people who are okay don’t act like this.

you don’t have to go through this by yourself.

i don’t want you to be alone.

please don’t regret me.

i heard you crying.

you need to get some rest.

when was the last time you ate something?

i’m worried about you.

did you have another nightmare?

[name], there’s nobody there.

i want to be happy but i don’t think i deserve it.

please talk to me.

why are you mad at me?

alcohol isn’t going to solve your problems.

don’t leave me.

did you do this to yourself?

it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.

tell me what’s wrong.

tell me how to make it better.

why don’t you care?

get the hell away from me.

please don’t do this.

i can’t believe that you lied to me.

just…stay for the night.

you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.

you can’t die. i won’t let you.

just hang on, okay?

hold my hand if you need to.

i’m sorry.

why do you have a gun?

don’t panic.

just breathe.

you’re bleeding.

i’m trying to stop the bleeding.

you’ve been crying, i can tell.

you should have told me sooner.

i wanted to tell you in person.

a phone call would’ve been nice.

i hate you.

i love you.

#prompts.

[fatherhated]

exactly. 

and also, especially in skin (1.06), you can clearly see just how different sam’s “lives” are. college!sam and hunter!sam are completely different. at stanford, sam got to have a life. he got to have friends that he kept, ones that he has allowed himself to care about (which is shown in the episode). when sam is talking to becky, dean hangs back and it’s almost awkward. there is no room in sam’s life for his family, because being with them would mean hunting, if he is at college. but there is still some sort of air of hope, for him in early season one, that hunting with dean doesn’t have to be forever. he plays the game because he wants revenge for jessica, but intends afterwards to continue with his life before. he doesn’t need to be close to dean if both of them want the same thing. 

the thing about sam and dean is that they’re not close initially. yes, they protect each other with all they’ve got and yes, sam does say he would die for dean and i have no doubt that he would (dean would, too). but the beginning of their hunting life is strictly professional. their dad is missing, they need each other to find him, it’s a temporary arrangement. once they find john, sam will go back to stanford and dean will continue his life on the road with john. neither think that their hunting trips will extend beyond their quest to find their father, so they don’t even try to be a team in the same way they are in later seasons. sam doesn’t even care about the monsters they find along the way at first; his primary goal is finding john and getting his life back on track. dean sometimes feels like sam is in the way, and he’s got that air of “i know better” because he’s been in the game longer than sam has. they each do their own thing, and when they team up, it’s out of necessity.

#re: dean.

[fatherhated]

hi! just wondering why you’re using jared padalecki when he’s openly pro gun and has assaulted members of his staff multiple times? i’m not trying to be rude, more so just curious ❤️

i wasn’t initially going to respond to this anon, but it has been bugging me for the last week. i made a post, and offered for them to inquire privately but i didn’t get a response. truth of the matter is, i don’t want my opinion on the wider matter (in this case, tumblr’s rpc culture*) to influence a negative opinion on me.

*in comparison to multiple platforms i have used, the tumblr rpc has the most insane rules on what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and what isn’t, what gets you “cancelled”. i’ll put it this way: the concept of “banned” faceclaims exists nowhere else to such an extent. 

this isn’t to say i’m unsympathetic. if somebody’s face, visual appearance etc. makes you uncomfortable or is triggering, i am in, no way, going to judge. my guidelines, here, explicitly state that if you need anything tagged, i will happily do so. if your dni says not to interact if certain faceclaims are used, i wont do. this is not to disrespect people who set their own boundaries. i am not going to cross them, and i am not going to force people to interact with me if they don’t like what i do on my blog. each to their own.  

secondly, anon, the way this was worded was rude. i don’t need to elaborate. but if you are asking a genuine question, don’t patronise people. 

but in response, i am aware that jared is problematic. i don’t condone his actions, i don’t idolise him. i use content from supernatural only. (i don’t typically use icons, and rarely reblog gifsets). i have looked for alternate faceclaims, but as somebody who picks and chooses based on vibes, doing so is hard when you are presented with a plethora of canon content that matches your characterisation. but going forwards, if anyone would like me to tag gifsets etc. (and just for reference it will be tagged as “jared /”), feel free to let me know. shoot me a message or send an anon, i don’t mind. for anybody that follows my sideblog, they will not be tagged there; i do not tag triggers on that blog at all. this said, if you choose to unfollow, i understand.

i’m not answering any further questions about this on anon. but, i am always happy to talk about it. my ims are open.

#out.