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Australian comedian Jim Jefferies points out the ridiculousness of American pro-gun arguments. x x

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looking for an expert on babys out there

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2017: dumb bitch

2018: sad bitch

2019: bad bitch

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hang in there buddy.

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one time i was in a pub in london and saw lemonade on the menu and i was like mmmm lemonade!!! but i’ve been to australia and been tricked before so i was like hey is this actual lemonade lemonade or is it just sprite and she was like it’s actual lemonade so i ordered some and she brought it back and it was sprite. i hate england

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Two fair men lie in water warm and slow,

As brothers are they joinēd heart to heart;

But Cupid hath not struck them with his bow;

Lest that be thought, they sit five feet apart.

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no one wants to admit they shop at hot topic but we all do 

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Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.

So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.

So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.

So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…

And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…

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This is how I cry lately

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The cat sanctuary's resident horse. So majestic. Look at that side-eye. That coat. That tongue. What a beaut.

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This is tonguey boi. He just had a surgery, so he's having a hard time keeping his tongue in his mouth. We love him🐱

Look at him drool😻