gailventic

[gailventic]

Rest

I realized how physical demanding my life currently is. Maybe because I effortlessly close all my rings every day due the nature of my job - or maybe because my health is somewhat deteriorating. Is it me, my age or my lifestyle? Nevertheless, my body is screaming for rest. A plea I could no longer ignore. A plea I could no longer endure.

[gailventic]

Pivot

2023 has been a pivot year for me. It broke me, made me realize that the world itself is full of cruelty. That nothing in life comes easy - and most often than not - we aren't really free. Free in a sense that we are bounded by the matrix, interlocked system of power and greed. I mean, sometimes I'd catch myself in a fleeting state of wander and travel - but underneath all those - I know deep inside that no one is there to save me.

Pivoting towards self-awareness made me keen of myself and the people around me. The unsung praises and unwritten rules I tend to ignore; the unspoken apologies and unheard judgement I tend to forego; and the unfinished business I cowardly escape cultivating merely nothing but ego.

But, believing in stoicism changed the game. I no longer succumb in negativity. No longer whine in dispute. And no longer crave for unsolicited attention. I tend to accept the fate I actively chose, own the mistakes I stupidly made, and always live in the present moment.

So, here's to celebrating another brand new year - another year of learning. And another year of living.

Thank you 2023, regardless of how beautifully fucked up you were to me.

[gailventic]

United Kingdom

So I spent the whole month traversing my way to and from United Kingdom. Not the usual London destination that I used to enjoy, but to a more far flung parts of it. Manchester, a quiet yet busy city, with friendly locals willing to assist us each and every time we get lost. Meeting friends inside a train isn't really a thing I would expect to experience - but I did. Birmingham, on the other hand, was completely a different story. I love how aesthetic all the buildings were, and how lively the Christmas spirit is. Munching my way through the streets in only my skirt, boots and 25 euro jacket isn't really ideal on a 4 degree weather. But, I felt cute. As touristy as I may look, I made sure to grasp and enjoy the moment. That, amongst the other perks of my job, is really what I came here for.

[gailventic]

Zombie

Yup, I'd rather take risks than to live a zombie-like existence.

[gailventic]

Small Win

As exciting as my new roster suggest, seeing unfamiliar airport codes and unexplored destinations, I think I finally made it. I mean, changing airlines isn't something I planned. But now that I'm here, I can't help but feel a little bit giddy inside. A small win only a few would recognize, already is a big milestone in my life. And this, compared to the many unprecedented and spontaneous decisions that I made, is definitely one for the books.

[gailventic]

Life

It took me almost 3 decades to realize how cruel the world is. Ironic how people tend to fight over money, yet the real treasure is rooted on how you make the most out of your tiny existence. I am so done tolerating disrespect. I am so done pointing fingers. And I am so done ravaging whatever is left after the chaos. I'd rather live in bliss, with complete harmony within myself - realizing the real treasure that everyone is so ready to kill over is life. So, instead of wishing you ill - I'd rather just say - get a life.

[gailventic]

Innocence

I'd like to believe that innocence to a certain degree saves the soul, but why does it feel like I am directly responsible for it all?

[gailventic]

Mediocrity

There is nothing worse that turns me off than a tiny glimpse of mediocrity.

[gailventic]

Step

Embarking on an exciting journey alone feels scary. It feels as if I'm jumping into the bandwagon unprepared. Don't get me wrong, I have been accustomed to traveling full time - but never not going home to my home country for years. That in itself is scary. I am scared of feeling lonely. I am scared of feeling alone. I am scared of leaving behind the beautiful life I built back home. And yet, I still wanna try. I wanna try spreading my wings a little bit wider. A little bit broader. And a little bit braver. For the scariest step we are so hesitant to take might just be our greatest and grandest stepping stone - or so I tell myself.

[gailventic]

When you see my face hope it gives you hell.

[gailventic]

So I guess this is another lesson yet to be learned, to check the facts, check the papers. For mere hearsay, nor promises weigh more than the truth. The truth of legalities, the truth of the world.

[gailventic]

You don't have to move in silence, if you're surrounded with people who support you.

[gailventic]

Self

My younger self would be so proud of me right now. Amassing millions, learning from failures, growing from shortcomings and living unapologetically. Go, self!

[gailventic]

Mantra

It's better to die quick, fighting on your feet. Than to live forever, begging on your knees.

[gailventic]

Chess

Life is a game of chess. You always protect the queen.

[gailventic]

Credit

To this day, giving credit to myself isn’t satisfactory anymore. Two years ago, I would whine whenever due credit isn’t given - whine whenever a woman like me won’t be applauded for all of her ideas and efforts just to keep the business going. Right now, I don’t mind. I just put my money where the mountain is, and let the money work for me. I do not care about applauses, nor warm embraces. For ownership is far more important than the operations. And those who own more, wins. 

[gailventic]

Emotions

Note to self: You are the most powerful the moment you learn how to control your emotions.