glowingspence - Tumblr blog

glowingspence · 1 year

Note

What about Spencer finding out Luke or Hotch learned sign language for him in secret so he could still communicate with Spencer when he is nonverbal? 👀🖤

Thanks for the prompt!

*****

Spencer could feel himself getting progressively more overwhelmed as the day went on. Noises seemed to be louder, lights were brighter and everything was getting too intense.

On the way home, Luke drove them as he tried to calm down in the car before they headed home. He wished they could go back to his place, but Luke had Roxy to look after and it had been a couple of days since he’d seen her already.

Spencer probably should’ve said something, he could have gone home by himself and spent the night apart, it would be healthy for them as a couple. Still, after a difficult day, he just wanted to have a distraction rather than be trapped in his own mind.

“Shoot, I’ve got no food at home,” Luke thought out loud, they’d been on a case, he came home for a couple of nights before heading over to Spencer’s. He had finished up the freezer meals he pre-prepared and opted on getting take-out when he really ran out.

“Do you mind if we quickly stop at the grocery store? I’m running low on some essentials too.”

Secretly, Spencer dreaded the thought of having to go to a loud and overstimulating store right now, but he didn’t want Luke to be disappointed in him.

You do nice stuff for your partner, like run errands with them even if you don’t want to because you get to spend time with them. You can just do mundane tasks and it makes them slightly better.

He remembered JJ telling him a while ago, back when he first started dating Luke. It was his first proper relationship and he really did not know what to do, how to act. Ultimately, JJ had just told him to be himself because every relationship is different. But she did say that.

So he held back a wince and forced a smile, trying to sound encouraging.

Luke could tell that Spencer was tired, but he didn’t quite know the extent of his exhaustion so tried to assure him, “I’ll be as quick as I can. I haven’t planned to cook, it would just be nice to have some milk for the coffee in the morning. And toothpaste.”

That did help Spencer feel slightly more at ease, knowing this was going to be a quick trip. Not one of those shops where they’d pass through every aisle and browse all the available products, trying to find the best deal for the best quality. Those were the worst.

*****

Soon enough, Spencer found himself in the midst of a busy grocery store. This time was the worst to come, all the workers home from their 9-5 doing exactly what they were doing- a last minute shop on the way home.

Multiple people had barged into him, pushed past him to get something on a shelf he was looking at. Some parents desperately tried to control their overtired children having a poorly timed tantrum. Store workers walked around with large trolleys, restacking shelves that were quickly emptying, some putting discount signs on fruits that needed to be sold today lest they go bad.

Announcements were being made on the scratchy sounding tannoy, sending more more employees to the check outs because the queues were only increasing in length. The bright clinical lights forced Spencer to wince to try and reduce the amount he could see, he tried to only look down so he wouldn’t have them blaring directly in his eye.

Luke noticed Spencer do so, he noticed his hand next to his leg begin squeezing something. He assumed Spencer had sneaked a stim toy with him from his satchel. His shoulder twitched, occasionally, he’d bring his ear down to it for a brief moment of relief from the noise.

He wanted to grab his noise cancelling headphones but they were in the car. He wanted to put his fingers in his ears and begin humming but he knew that would only cause people to stare. He wanted to get out of there.

“Cariño?” Luke cautiously asked. There was no need to ask if he was okay, he clearly wasn’t.

Spencer hated that he was feeling like this, that he was causing his boyfriend worry, but he felt himself getting increasingly panicked and he didn’t know how to explain that to Luke.

“What’s wrong?” Luke asked, yet another person trying to get past them to get to the shelf so he gently placed a hand on Spencer’s arm and guided them out of the way so that at least the stranger wouldn’t touch him. There were no private areas of this shop, each place just as busy as the next.

Spencer wanted to explain, or at least tell Luke that he needed to leave, but as he opened his mouth he realised he couldn’t. Just as he thought, but he thought maybe this time he would be able to talk. Sometimes he could force words out even when his body wouldn’t let him. Not this time, though.

Luke watched him, and knew Spencer wasn’t able to speak now. He needed to get Spencer out of here, that much was clear. He debated leaving the store immediately, but he really did not have anything at home and they were already here. He hoped it wasn’t too much to ask to see if they could buy at least what they had in their cart.

“Baby can you not talk right now?” He asked, Spencer responding with a shake of his head.

“Are you okay to go and wait in the car? I’d come with you but I’ll be less than 5 minutes buying this stuff.”

Spencer really did want Luke to walk with him, but he’d already inconvenienced him up to this point, the least he could do was walk to the car alone, he was a grown man after all. He nodded and looked like he wanted to say something else but he knew it was futile, he couldn’t speak at all.

He felt so frustrated with himself, but mostly just scared, once again that his communication with the world was cut off because he couldn’t speak. Well, he did have a way of communicating, but it didn’t help if no one else knew it.

What if someone spoke to him on the way to the car? Someone asked him a question? Alone, we wouldn’t have anyone to help speak on behalf of him. They’d probably think he was crazy, like they did in the past, or speak to him like he was stupid.

The car was just outside, but suddenly it felt like miles away, the prospect of having to go alone.

What is it? Luke suddenly asked, signing.

Spencer looked from his hands to his face, unsure if he had just seen it or imagined it.

You can sign? Spencer returned.

Luke thought for a moment, then held his hand up flat, shaking it a little- trying to communicate that he only knew the simple things. Followed by, I’m learning.

Will you walk to the car with me? Spencer asked, feeling foolish for asking just a juvenile question but he was feeling panicked enough, and Luke had taught him to ask for what he needed.

“Of course,” Luke returned to speaking, proud of himself for being able to understand Spencer. This was the first time he was actually putting his knowledge into practice, the first time speaking with someone other than his teacher. He had hoped he would be a little better before he needed to communicate with Spencer, but it was good enough for now.

He left the cart in a corner, hoping that if he did come back, the food would still be in there, but he wasn’t optimistic.

They walked to the car, Spencer holding onto Luke’s hand and arm so he didn’t have to focus too much on where he was going. He already had his eyes half closed again and wanted to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, instead of all the other stimulation.

Luke opened the passenger seat door and let Spencer in, before he signed something he couldn’t identify.

“I’m sorry Cariño, I didn’t get that.”

Spencer realised that he was moving his hands far too quickly, especially for a beginner, so decided to spell out what he needed. B-A-G

“Your satchel? Or course." Luke grabbed the satchel in the backseat and handed it over to Spencer, inside where his comforts that he often needed. A pair of earplugs and a fidget toy. It wasn’t enough, but for now it would be okay.

“You have your phone on you right?” Luke asked, knowing his technology averse boyfriend often forgot how easy it was to communicate with someone.

“I’m gonna go and finish off, are you okay if I leave you?”

He received a nod.

“Text me if you need anything, alright?”

Luke regretted leaving Spencer alone in the car, but they were already here with most of the items they needed, he hoped it wouldn’t take long. He was at least grateful enough that Spencer was able to communicate with him, at least enough to know he wanted Luke to escort him out.

He found the cart where he had left it, luckily nothing had been taken out and he grabbed the final couple of things before heading for the check out. He felt a buzzing in his pocket. He immediately panicked when he saw it was from Spencer, before he saw what the message said:

Gummy bears

****

119 notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Note

prompt: spencer "coming out" about his autism to hotch when they start dating? and it's stressful cos that means he is also disclosing to his boss

Oh boy this is nearly 2.5k words idk how that happened. Thanks for the prompt x

Warnings: Ableism and mentioned self harm

*****

As much as Spencer was loving being able to be open with his boyfriend- his boss- for the first time, he was struggling. They’d been away on cases as a couple together before, but no one else knew about it. They were still always put in separate hotel rooms. One would have to sneak over to the other’s in the middle of the night, giving the secret knock to announce their presence. And in the early hours of the morning, they’d have to sneak back.

Oftentimes, they’d be too tired and pass out in bed without even getting the chance to go and find each other.

After they decided to tell the team, and let the dust settle with the shock and having to disclose the nature of their relationship to their superiors, they were now put together in hotel rooms on cases, and this was their first official one since everything came out.

The case itself had started off as standard, having someone to go and cuddle up next to after a long day at the precinct, analysing crime scenes and often unsettling visits to the morgue, made it all worthwhile.

They could sleepily continue to discuss the case - as they often did- unable to switch their brains off, whilst washing each other off in the shower, standing side by side in the mirror as they brushed their teeth. They’d lazily make love until they fell asleep, just wanting to experience the closeness of each other.

The case dragged on, though. They thought it would be cut and dry but they were led on a wild goose chase, following red herrings left by the unsub to throw them off his scent. They had been out of state for nearly two weeks when Spencer started to feel off again.

Often, he had time to decompress at home, even in the past, the two would separate and shower in their own rooms before meeting again in the dead of night. Spencer would use that time to unmask briefly. He could flap his hands, repeat words that felt nice to him, and stim as he pleased after having to suppress the urge all day.

Sometimes, things were overwhelming, there were lots of people, and lights and noises and smells and he needed some sort of release to help him cope with all the input. He had found some subtle ways, ways no one would notice unless they knew what to look for; fiddling with his bag or chewing a pen. But mostly it wasn't enough and he needed some more.

It was tiring, but he wasn't ready to let the team - or his boyfriend- see that side of him. He needed to keep it contained.

After 2 weeks of sharing a room with Hotch, though, he hadn't had more than a couple of minutes alone. They did everything together, and if they were separated, he was with another member of the team.

He was exhausted and he needed to stim.

After a frustrating day of reaching only dead ends, Hotch sent everybody home and Spencer found himself being slightly short with him. Only answering with one syllable words, mumbling often and refusing to look him in the eye. He even found himself shying away from Hotch’s touch, even though he usually relished his comforting hand on his back.

“Spencer, everything okay?” Hotch worriedly asked, unsure as to why Spencer was acting this way.

He’d seen Spencer snap before, but that was long ago, when he was really struggling. Yes, the case was long and difficult, but he didn’t think it brought up any painful memories for Spencer. He wasn't sure why he was being like this.

“Hmmph,” was Spencer’s response, finding words harder and harder to manage. He knew he shouldn't aim his frustration at Hotch. Still, if it weren’t for him, he’d be able to stim freely. But now he was trapped in a hotel room with him. Again.

If you’d ask him on any other day, Spencer would tell you that he was overjoyed to be able to share a room with his boyfriend, not having to guiltily leave him at home whilst he went away on a case as so many of his colleagues had to do. He was able to have him there, and understand him.

He couldn't think about that, though, he could only think of how sick he felt at having to constantly mask.

“Hey, Baby if I did something wrong…?” Hotch insecurely trailed off, hoping that he hadn't done something to offend Spencer in some way. He attempted to comfort him again placing a hand on his shoulder but Spencer simply shrugged it off and headed to the bathroom. Closing the door behind him.

He hadn’t done that before, the door was always left open, inviting Hotch to go and help save water with him.

Hotch thought hard about the day and simply couldn’t think of a particular moment where everything went downhill, perhaps Spencer had been like this for a while and couldn’t talk to him about it.

As much as it stung to be shut out, he let Spencer shower alone, respecting his privacy and only hoping he’d be more willing to talk when he got out.

Meanwhile, Spencer had managed to stim in the shower, although after so long of suppressing it, it involved hurting himself a little more than he liked. He had to feel something, though, the usual harmless methods weren’t working after such a long period. He hoped they hadn’t left any marks he’d have to explain to Hotch.

He cried hot defeated tears in the shower as he thought about wanting to get away from his boyfriend, instead of seeking out his reassurance.

He thought that maybe Aaron was allowed to see this side of him, slowly but surely. Hotch had assured him that this relationship was for the long haul and if that was true, then Spencer couldn’t hide this forever.

When he finally felt a little better, he sheepishly opened the bathroom door to find Aaron in his pyjamas sitting reading on the bed.

Spencer smiled over at him, it didn’t entirely reach his eyes, but seeing Hotch’s relieved expression returned to him did give him a sense of assurance, reminding him that this man was his solace, not his enemy.

“Want to join me?” Hotch asked, having left the other side of the bed completely untouched, not knowing if Spencer would want to even share a bed with him, but they only had the one.

Luckily the FBI budget had stretched far enough for them to stay in a slightly better than economy hotel and the bed was a king size. Big enough for them to stretch out without having to touch each other.

Spencer headed over, grateful for the space left for him and made his way into the bed. Both of them giggled as he struggled to grab the bedspread out from being tucked under the mattress. Neither of them understanding how housekeeping managed to make it so tight and hold them in place

Eventually, though, he was under the covers, only the bedside lamp was on, he heard the gentle soft breathing from the man next to him and the tightly tucked bed sheets wrapped around his body acted like a makeshift weighted blanket. The soothing surroundings helped ground him after doing what he slightly regretted in the shower.

Hotch didn't press for conversation, choosing to go back to his reading and letting Spencer relax next to him, at least he lay there in bed next to him, maybe he hadn't done anything wrong.

Spencer watched Hotch’s furrowed brow as he read and thought that maybe the man was owed an explanation. He nervously tried to form words in a way that would best explain it, without giving too much away and setting himself up for rejection.

“Sometimes I just get a little stressed and need to wind down.” He started.

Stressed and wind down were common words that everybody used. Words like overwhelmed and unmasking would give him away instantly and he needed to ease him in.

“That’s alright, Spencer,” Hotch turned to him, placing his bookmark in his book and closing it on his lap. “I didn’t mean to make it worse.” He apologised.

Spencer cleared his throat, “you didn’t. I jus- I just needed to have some time alone for a while.”

“I understand.”

“You do?” Spencer looked up as Hotch smiled down at his boyfriend with the sheets tucked up all the way to his chin. He looked so cute like this and Aaron just wanted to squeeze him tight, but he knew that he had to tread carefully.

The adoring way Hotch was looking at him suddenly gave Spencer the courage to speak a little more openly.

“Have you heard of unmasking?”

“Sort of, will you explain?”

“It’s- well- when-,” He was going to say it. Say the word. “It’s common for autistic people to repress some of their traits to appeal to neurotypical people. Sometimes they have the urge to stim, release energy because it helps soothe them, or just because it feels nice. But it can be seen as weird so they avoid it. That’s called masking…”

Spencer didn’t want to look at Hotch anymore and instead released his fingers from under the covers and played with his nail beds as he explained it, it was too late to turn around now anyway.

“Well, I guess that energy still needs to go somewhere so often when autistic people are alone, or with certain people, they can stim again. That’s unmasking.”

Hotch looked at him curiously, trying to make the connection, assuming that now, Spencer was explaining it to him because that's what he needed to do. Did that mean that he was.. autistic?

“Is that what you needed to do?”

Spencer nodded in response. Scared suddenly at the implications of telling his boyfriend this. He wasn’t only his boyfriend, he was also his boss. In the FBI, an institution famous for their slightly archaic values.

What if having an autistic member too would be too much for them?

Spencer began to panic as he thought that maybe Hotch would treat him differently, both as his boss and boyfriend. What if he realised he was weird, that he had traits he couldn’t always repress? That he struggled with some things others thought of as second nature?

“Hey, it’s okay, Baby.” Aaron watched his boyfriend’s breathing pick up as Spencer took out his arms from under the bed sheet in an attempt at relieving some of the pressure. What had been soothing moments ago was now suffocating.

Hotch helped remove the sheet some more as he offered more comforting words, “Hey. Thank you for explaining that to me. I mean it, I want to know how to help you.”

Spencer eventually began feeling less trapped.

“I’m sorry you feel like you have to mask around me. You don’t. But I know that might take a while to get used to. Is-” He wasn’t sure how to word this bit but he needed clarification.

“Is this you telling me you’re autistic.”

Spencer, no longer wanting to shy away from his boyfriend’s touch, launched himself forwards and pressed his face against Hotch’s chest, nodding against it so as not to see his reaction.

Hotch gently stroked Spencer’s hair and his back with both hands as he took in that information. He knew Spencer had some quirks, but he didn’t really guess it was anything… diagnosable.

Even thinking that made him realise he really did not know anything about autism.

“Thank you for trusting me with that. I’m sorry I didn’t see the signs before.”

He heard something mumbling against his chest.

“Sorry I didn’t catch that.”

“That’s because I was trying to hide it,” Spencer shamefully admitted.

“I see, and I guess it's easier to hide because you are more high-functioning. Compared to other autistic people that is.”

Spencer frowned at that and Hotch immediately sensed that he said something wrong.

“Just because I can do my job well and others can't make me high functioning.”

He found himself pushing away from Aaron once again as he felt his walls being built up after admitting something that made him feel so vulnerable.

“I still struggle with other things, things I can hide at home. I live alone so people don’t notice. But it’s still hard sometimes.”

“Right, I’m sorry Spencer. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Spencer winced.

“Well, maybe I did, I don’t-'' Hotch cringed at how he’d almost managed to make Spencer feel comfortable sharing with him and then making it so much worse.

“I'm so sorry. I guess there's a lot I need to learn.”

Spencer nodded, there really was.

“I’m still grateful you could share that with me, it doesn't change how I see you, you know that right? I just mean that hopefully I can try and help you now.”

Spencer decided to go against his protective instincts telling him to run and seek out his boyfriend’s touch again.

“And hopefully it means that now I'll stop saying uneducated things.”

“S-okay.” Spencer whispered, thinking that this could have gone so much worse. At least he still had Aaron to hold him after everything.

After all the emotions of the day, he was exhausted and found himself already falling asleep against Hotch’s chest.

“Goodnight, Baby.”

“G-night.”

58 notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Text

Short lil post-meltdown Spencer drabble.

Warnings of autistic meltdown related self harm

Ralvez and sweet ending… idk i wrote this so quickly and haven’t proof read it

************

Spencer breathed heavily as he looked around his room. He was sitting on the floor, pressed against the corner. The lights were on but this was the area that had the least glare from the overhead bulb.

His arms stung slightly, his head throbbed and his face hurt.

26 notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Text

Hey Guys!

Thank you everyone for your support! We have hit 51 orders which has far surpassed all of our expectations.

That means we have hit ALL of our stretch goals and everyone who made a physical order will receive 1. The stickers! 2. The notepad! and 3. A poster!

The proceeds will be going to SharedHope, a charity to fight against sex trafficking.

Preorders close tomorrow, Jan. 2nd! Once preorders close, the physical zine will not be available anymore! We are printing a very specific amount so it is of limited edition!

Thanks for the support! Can’t wait to get this all finished and printed!

@goobzoop @brillianthijinx @thaddeusly @tobias-hankel @dark-blue-dark-blue @sbeno22 @cl0wnb0yyy @desperately-human @herbstfarbenfuchs @dr-charlie-eppes @katytheinspiredworkaholic @sirmatthew1972 @slyprentice @merpancake @angelsmoonbaby @not-easy-being-green-124 @lassiesspanishaccent @sparklinspence @theserpentgirl @hotchxreid

51 notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Text

Way to go, everyone! We made it to 50!!! orders, so we're going to include a poster with awesome HotchReid art for free! This will be for anyone who ordered any PHYSICAL option. (No PDF only.)

We absolutely blew past the 40 orders goal and made it to 50! Thanks so much for the support for both HotchReid and the charity we’re donating to, SharedHope!

Because we did not anticipate hitting even 40, the art for this poster is still being made! It’s being done by @im-on-a-rolla-gay who makes the most gorgeous art! I’m soooo excited about this!

Yay, poster!

14 notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Text

Welcome, @glowingspence!

Annalena is a great writer, and author of The journey of finding a home series! Thank you for participating! Read more of the snippet above in our HotchReid fanzine. Pre-Orders for the Zine and awesome HotchReid Merch like stickers, keychains, and more—all of which the proceeds go to SharedHope a charity to combat sex trafficking—will be live until Jan. 2nd!

25 notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Text

NEVER apologize for leaving long tags when you reblog from me. i am reading it like its my daily newspaper in the morning. idc if idk shit about what ur talking about, its like checking out the gossip from the next town over

60K notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Note

For the hotchreid drabbles: I adored protective Spencer. But I love protective Hotch even more. Cans I has a protective Hotch please?? Any scenario!

I'm taking Hotchreid drabble requests in honor of the Hotchreid Zine release.

For more information about our Hotchreid Zine, make sure to check out Tumblr - all proceeds go to SharedHope, a charity to combat sex trafficking.

“Reid can do it,” Rossi said as he stared at the man they were pretty sure was the unsub they had been chasing for the last several days.

“Dave, you can’t be serious,” Hotch said from beside him.

Spencer just looked at the two, wide eyed, “I… I think I’m the last person that should do the interrogation.”

“We already tried with Morgan, then Prentiss – and you were getting nowhere either, Aaron. We need a confession from this man and Reid is the best bet.” Rossi said calmly, as if he didn’t just ask the person from the team with the least experience with interrogation to go into a room with a man they are pretty sure raped and murdered six men. Six thin, tall, young men. Men that looked like Spencer.

Hotch looked at his boyfriend before looking back at Rossi, “No way, Dave. You saw the victims and the way Fowler looked at Reid during the arrest. Sending him in there would be a mistake.”

“Would it be a mistake, or are you just too close to Reid to see this opportunity?” Rossi said back, making Hotch scowl.

“Are you trying to say I can’t do my job properly and date Spencer at the same time, because I assure you that is not true. If Morgan or Prentiss were in here, they would agree with me.”

Rossi sighed, pulling back from the accusation, “Fowler has been cocky and resistant to everyone that has interviewed him. Reid would distract him some and hopefully get him to slip.”

“So you want to use him as bait? You can’t—” Hotch started but was cut off by Spencer.

“I’ll do it.”

Continue reading on AO3!

58 notes · View notes

glowingspence · 1 year

Note

For the HotchReid drabbles: Spencer and Hotch have only been together for a short time and spencer gets SA'd on a case. Angst because Spencer thinks he's "unclean/ dirty" and Hotch will leave him because of it. Hotch tries to comfort him. PS: I really love your stories.

I'm taking Hotchreid drabble requests in honor of the Hotchreid Zine release.

For more information about our Hotchreid Zine, make sure to check out Tumblr - all proceeds go to SharedHope, a charity to combat sex trafficking.

TW: Non-graphic noncon, rape recovery, self-esteem issues

Hotch and Spencer had been dating barely three months when it happened. Spencer had gone to a witness’s house. He had talked to the man over the phone about what he had seen, and he was just going over to get the man to give him a photo he took of the supposed unsub. Only when Spencer showed up at the house, the man wasn’t just a witness.

Spencer wouldn’t go into detail about what exactly happened but when there were reported shots fired from a neighbor at the same house Spencer was sent to – the whole team jumped into action.

Hotch was the first one to find the supposed witness on the floor in the bedroom – a bullet hole through his skull – and Spencer, naked from the waist down with blood coating his thighs, on the bed still holding his gun.

They knew Spencer was going to have a hard time recovering, but Hotch didn’t expect Spencer to withdraw from him completely. Months went by and at times it didn’t even feel like they were dating because of how much Spencer avoided Hotch. He would still be sweet to him, tell him how much he loved him, but when it came to any type of physical touch or closeness, Spencer would retreat.

Hotch was accepting of this, but he couldn’t not notice how Spencer had no problem with other men he knew well touching him. Morgan would ruffle his hair or Rossi would pat him on the back. He was even okay with Will giving him a quick hug hello, but the second Hotch went to touch Spencer, Spencer pulled away.

The two were alone in Spencer’s apartment almost eight months after the attack when the topic came up.

The movie they had been watching – from opposite ends of the sofa – had just ended so Hotch sat up, “Our one-year anniversary is coming up, why don’t we plan a beach getaway like the two from the movie did? A nice hotel on the beach, breakfast in bed, great views – doesn’t that sound nice?”

Spencer thought for a moment before shaking his head, “Uh… I don’t know about that…”

Hotch sighed. He knew it was because of the idea of them sharing a bed. When they had to pair up on cases, Spencer would ask for two beds in the room or he would just sleep on the sofa or floor. He watched Spencer for a moment, seeing how he was holding himself and looking away and he couldn’t help the words from falling out of his mouth.

“Spencer, do you want to break up with me?”

Spencer whipped his head towards Hotch, “What? Never! Why—do you want to break up with me?” Spencer asked, starting to panic.

Hotch shook his head, “Of course not, but… I don’t know what to do. You have completely pulled away from me and this relationship. If you just need more time in healing from… from what happened, I understand and respect that, but I need to know.”

“You can say it,” Spencer said almost bitterly. “My therapist said it’s better to just say it. That man raped me… He made me… Like this…”

“Like what?” Hotch asked and Spencer looked away.

“Like this… All—All dirty and used,” Spencer started to cry, “I understand if you want to break up with me.”

“Spencer, can you look at me for a second?” Hotch waited until Spencer looked up before talking again, “You aren’t dirty or used at all. You are still the same person you were before that hap— before he raped you.”

Spencer wrapped his arms around himself even tighter, “But… You… When I pull away from your touch or sit away from you, you don’t try to do it anyway. I figured you thought—”

“No, Spencer,” Hotch cut Spencer off, “I’m not pushing back because I respect your decision and I won’t try and get you to do something you don’t want to. I’ll ask, but if you say no – the answer is no.”

Spencer stared in disbelief, “Oh…” Spencer hadn’t been in many relationships, but he had never been with someone who respected his wishes that way.

“Spencer, baby?” Hotch said and Spencer made a little hum, “I love you. I think you are perfect, and I’d gladly go back to touching and holding you. I miss feeling you against me, but I won’t push you, okay?”

Spencer smiled and reached out his hand to touch Hotch’s, “I love you too.”

42 notes · View notes