heredeity

[heredeity]

“C’mere.” Fiore could feel his heartbeat drumming between his ears. He was unused to feeling nervous around his old friend. Ex-boyfriend. He swallowed his nerves. It’ll be ok. He wasn’t sure if that was a reassurance to himself or the person in front of him. Vaguely, he could feel his neck straining at the awkward positioning between his head and the headboard. He shifted forward on the bed, still gesturing for Cassius to come over in a way he hoped would be convincing enough as casual. “C’mon,” Fio tried to force lightness into his tone, “Lay on me.”

“Fio-“ Cassius started but paused. A minute passed. He averted his eyes. “You know I can’t anymore.” Is he testing me?

Only the kitchen light was on. He couldn’t read Cass’s face in the shadows. Or rather, he wasn’t sure if he still could. Read his face, that is. It had been so long since they last held hands in the hallways or stole quick kisses before class. Nostalgia was a heavy burden. Fiore retracted his arms to the side, defeated. “Sorry.” It was all he could manage to say.

—

They had been watching documentaries earlier. Cass’s pick. It was more background noise than anything, the narrator’s voice drowned out by a buzzing in the air. Cassius was talking his usual spiel about the innaccuracy of aliens having anything to do with the course of history and Fiore was watching his lips move in a daze. He imagined Cassius himself fading away, leaving only his lips. Talking and talking. He was too aware of how this would just be a memory. He didn’t want just a memory anymore. Cassius turned off the tv when he noticed Fiore wasn’t replying.

—

“Are you not-“ Cassius scratched behind his neck, “-going to counter me?”

Fiore stared at him. The beating in his head was deafening now. “What did you want me to say?”

“It’s just...not like you.”

“I guess we don’t know each other that well anymore.” Fio winced at his tone. Too bitter. “Sorry.”

“You didn’t use to apologize either. For anything.”

“Things change y’know?”

Cassius got up, hands clenching into fists. “What?” He dragged one hand through his hair. “What’s gotten into you?” His voice was tense

In one quick stride Cassius found himself hovering over Fiore. His brow creased. “Did I do this? Did I make you-“

He was so close Fiore could make out a coffee stain on his shirt. For some reason it made him ache. For quiet mornings he could have. For every change he missed in his absence. Seizing the moment, Fiore curled a hand in his shirt and pulled him down with all the force he could muster. Cassius unceremoniously collapsed on top of him. On instinct he lifted himself up but Fiore locked his limbs around him, rendering him still. He could still fight. Cassius had always been the stronger of the two, if their sparring matches in their youth still had any relevance. He could still back away. But Cassius slumped against him, the fight seeping from his body. He repositioned so they were both more comfortable. He didn’t see how Fio’s hands shook where they settled on him.

Fiore held him impossibly closer, digging his blunt nails into his back. “I miss you.” Cassius noted the present tense.

He let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding, his arms flat to either side of Fio. He didn’t feel like he deserved to hold him back. He ran through all of the answers he could possibly say back to him in his head.

“You don’t have to answer - j-just - let me have this.” It was selfish and Fio knew it.

“Fuck-“ Cassius suddenly shifted and slid his arms under Fio. “-I won’t mess up this time-”

Fio blinked. Hope panged in his chest. “Huh?”

“I miss you too.”

—

“Little bird.”

“What?”

“I want you to say it.”

“Little bird?”

Fio laughed. “Yes, but not as a question.”

It was Cass’s turn to laugh. “Count to ten-“

“Stop.” Fio pushed against his chest.

Cass only grinned. “Hey, who started this huh?”

“Technically, you did... let’s see... how many years-”

“Of course you’d turn it on me, Mr. Lawyer.”

“It’s revenge.”

“Fair enough.”

“Don’t self-deprecate!”

“You were doing it just minutes ago!”

“Well I’m a newer man than I was minutes ago!”

Cass leaned into his neck. “Okay, little bird.”

Fio felt heat rising up on the back of his neck, flooding his cheeks. “We’ll make a plan in the morning.”

Cass let the tension out his shoulders. “Sounds like a plan.”

“I’ll kill you for that awful joke.”

“Hey now...wasn’t this all an elaborate confession of love just now?”

“I could still kill you.”

“That’s romantic. You’re like Miss Emily and I’m Homer Barron from-.”

“You know I did not read a single book in highschool- go to sleep.”

“Wow you realized they were book characters - actually it wasn’t that romantic she just let him rot in-“

“Goodnight!”