heybinnie

[heybinnie]

You're not being rude and it's perfectly understandable to not wanting it to have been a suicide. I hoped for that too. But eunwoo's and mj's letter and mj's post today pretty much point to suicide, which is heart-rending. Mj said in his post that bin was worried about the team and members until the last moment, so I'm sure he left at least some kind of message to some people, but unfortunately a lot of times the idea that people leave a note is false. I've had people close to me that tried to commit suicide and there was no note or anything. What you're feeling is real and sad. Bin was an amazing person. It's ok to be sad and not okay, for as long as you need. I miss him too

And I'd encourage you to ignore the people that say those vile things. They don't know what they're talking about and they can't even begin to imagine how much he must've been suffering, all alone, to take such a drastic decision when we know he was such a loving person. If he wasn't t ihose closest to him wouldn't be suffering as they are right now.

thank you for being kind. life has had me in a chokehold so as ugly as it sounds, i havent had much time to be angry about it, but now im thinking about it again and its still baffling to me.

im so sorry to hear about your friends’ attempts and i genuinely hope theyre doing better now. youre right, not everyone leaves a note, and i think i was still trying to make sense of his passing all those weeks ago. not that its gotten any easier …… but i guess i shouldnt spend so much time wondering about the why of it even to myself. harsh as this sounds, it is what it is (i say as i still struggle to come to terms with it) and life continues onwards.

#i say this ………… but a song will come on and its him and i wonder all over again #i think it was just easier to accept his death if it was health related u know #and u know how some ppl have been saying that idols can save us but we cant save them? that was the worst thing ive ever had to digest #i hope it was peaceful #whatever the hell that means #but i still hope it was peaceful

[heybinnie]

We've come into a time where people all have their opinions and could never shut up about it. Sadly, those people that speak ill of him doesn't even know bin personally. Even the people who knows him personally and was close to him were surprised by what happened.

We were just fans who was inspired by their music or admire them from afar. Yet those people still put words in his mouth even in his death. I share your sentiments. I really hope it wasn't what most of us thinks, but even if it is, no one has the right to throw shade at him when we didn't know what he truly feels.

thank you for this. its just mindblowing to me that people could come up with such an insanely rude thing to say about someone who has passed. im glad that i havent seen any more of such terrible comments but every time im reminded of it i feel like punching a wall

#also im so sorry for the late response

[heybinnie]

.

#just thoughts #life since february has been an absolutely mess leading up to this huge huge event for work in the 1st week of may #i barely had time for friends family or myself so i wasnt on social media alot #and the weekend after the event was over i just tried my best to wind down and catch up with life cuz i felt like i was so out of touch with #life and everything else that should come with being alive #and then it hit me again that he’s gone #not to be that pothole in the road but i was just. scrolling thru my timeline #and saw someone posted that his instagram account has been labelled with ‘remembering’ #and it HIT hit me #i may have had a short moment where the world went still again and i couldnt think #i hope the others are holding up alright

[heybinnie]

.

#im bout to say smth really fucked up about binnie’s passing #but i hope his death wasnt because of s*ic*de #ive seen and heard some awful things like how could he do that to sua? to his mother on her birthday? and that kind of stuff and its so #its so insane like do you think anyone wants to do that to thwir loved ones??? #and im not one to explain for someone whos gone much less someone i never knew personally #but considering how much he loves the ppl around him u’d think that he’d leave a ******* note #does that make sense?? #or am i being really fucking rude i hope someone sets me straight if i am pleade #please* #i just think it was so fucking crazy for someone to be like. how can he be INCONSIDERATE to do that to his mother #that made me so damn angry #i dont think this is making much sense sorry but i just. how the hell can you say that about someone whos passed

[heybinnie]

sanha’s message 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

#‘i know if im like this you’ll scold me but pls let it slide for a little bit’ SHUT UP #nooooooo

[heybinnie]

[heybinnie]

the message mj left . my heart shattered

[heybinnie]

이젠 내게 기대 편히 쉬어도 돼 // Now you can lean on me and rest in peace 소중한 널 내 품속에 꼭 안을게 // I will hold you dear in my arms

[heybinnie]

Imma be resting easy in silence

Don’t you trip, baby. They just sirens.

#this song has always hit me the hardest since they dropped this #the lyrics have always tugged at my soul #even when it first dropped the lyrics near the end always got me feeling some kind of way #it hits different now though. his voice is eternal #Spotify

[heybinnie]

.

#came across the thread of moonbin and rocky moments on twt and i watched them all and started crying in the middle of my living room #its 3.30pm #the way theyre both the longest trainees and oldest fantagio members and closest pair in astro #and they both left #yes rocky left bc of fantagio and bin **** and deep down they will always still be astro to me #but from ot6 to ot4 in months…… and mj’s still in army and eunwoo’s also has a thousand other things to commit for on the side #my aroha heart genuinely genuinely cannot take the pain they must feel #i hope they can find comfort in each other and that rocky can still look for them vice versa #i miss him #sorryyy sorry sorry i guess it’s finally hitting me properly now #reality is sinking in and all that #i dont think i can come to terms with this for a while pls bear with me #but i’ll be okay eventually #its just crazy and i hope theyre all well #i mean of course not … but still i hope they take care

[heybinnie]

its nice seeing so so so many stories by all kinds of people remembering moonbin as one of the kindest and warmest idols they’ve met, how he was always eager to help others in his own way, putting others first, spotting little things he could help with. i would think this means a lot in the artiste industry, and its heartwarming that people remember him like this. brightly shining both on and off stage. its nice.

its not so nice remembering that hes gone.

#the story that hurt the most was when jinjin and rocky told the story about how they found out that rocky cant drink #rocky started to feel really unwell and bin carried him on his back to the ER in the middle of the night #pain

[heybinnie]

i miss him

[heybinnie]

i still cant process this

#i keep reading the same thing every hour i keep saying death and dead and passed next to his name and its just not clicking in my head #i keep seeing* #i think im Trying to subconsciously cope with it in the most fucked up way which is to think that this is just some kind of sick joke #like it isnt at all but i just cant process that hes gone u know? #some other twisted part is thinking hes just somewhere else right now #idk how to explain #it felt bizarre to get thru the day cause id be staring at my feet suddenly think of him and wonder whose feet are these? #just straight up feel like nth has been real today. bizarre that i go on with my life and his ended last night #im so sorry to his family and friends and all who loved him dearly #just still not making sense to me but i KNOW when it does. when it finally does its gonna hit me hard like a sack of bricks #im just in a daze now

[heybinnie]

charles baudelaire, les fleurs du mal

[heybinnie]

.

#im sorry i cant shut up but im just so worried for the boys #im not them but i keep imagining being in their shoes and i hope they dont guilt trip themselves #sanha whos been with him all this time #eunwoo countries away #mj away in army #minhyuk who only recently left the company #jinjin the leader who had to see minhyuk go and now hes lost another #i cant imagine i cant imagine #i hope they find each other

[heybinnie]

i wake up and the headlines dont change

#im not sure how to go about with my day #ive been diassociating every now and then i cant quite think #i still cant believe this is real #im so worried about the boys #yes family and friends too but the boys grew up with him too and nowadays doesnt sanha spend the most time with him #sanha????? im so heartbroken

[heybinnie]

im sure it will hit me again later and tomorrow and the next day and the next and the next ones after that, but while i am absolutely heartbroken by his passing, i am endlessly thankful and relieved to have found him and astro when i did, all those years ago. im glad i found him before he left.

ive always wanted to meet him at least once to tell him that it always felt like i was going thru life with a distant friend — but i suppose life works in curious ways, and now that chance is lost. he wont know how much hes helped me all these years, but still:

hey binnie, thank you for everything. i’ll miss you like crazy.

#rest well #edit: good lord i hope this doesnt come off as clout because its still unreal to me #but its strange that while i am genuinely in shambles #im also so thankful i found him when i did. i feel like life would have been so different if i didnt. #i wish i couldve told him everything