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Try not to die an embarrassing death like herniating a disc in your back or choking on a hot dog.

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couldnt stop fucking thinking about this all day at work

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PSA!!!!

the dwarven spheres have little moustaches

that is all

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There's a lot to be said about Bethesda and the Elder Scrolls, but you gotta appreciate the hustle of coming up with in-universe lore bullshittery to handwave away cross-game inconsistencies.

The cat-people look different game-to-game? Uuhh they have entirely different body structures based on their own version of Turbo Astrology. The lizard dudes looked like humans in the first game? Uuhh they're mutant plant people that evolve rapidly. This entire country looks different because we're trying to cash in on the fact that Lord of the Rings just came out a few years ago? Uuhh Lightning Jesus retroactively changed it. Which one of these endings is canon and who gets to keep the giant robot? Uuuhhhhh time paradox

#it's so fucking funny honestly

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this has been keeping me up at night. the graybeards are old men. there are (excluding paarthurnax) only four of them. their ancient order is dying out. they probably took in ulfric in order to impart to him their monastic tradition and pass their philosophy down to the next generation of nords. and instead of remaining at high hrothgar in the life of contemplation that he'd chosen for himself ulfric spent over a decade learning all he could from the graybeards of the thu'um and then went back down the mountain and started blowing people up with his voice. and arngeir has nothing to say about it

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lord of the hunt, hircine

#THIS FUCKS

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first of all hearthfire is my favorite DLC I love my stupid little domestic fantasies and am addicted to the simulation of wealth. but now every time I do it I think.....i am hopelessly dependent on the ingot. so. much. iron. the implication of the dragonborn circling around Skyrim snapping up all the iron and steel reserves during wartime. oh u need to arm ur soldiers? too bad bitch there's a blank corner in one of my three houses and I want to put some barrels there.

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Happy TES 30th! I will share a drawing soon but for now, I have questions.

One day, while bothering mudcrabs for alchemy writs in ESO I thought "wait I had this guy with chili garlic sauce what's he doing in Skyrim" and have not looked back since.

I'm sure someone has already explored crab biology in TES but I constantly wonder why the dominant crab of Skyrim and the whole of Tamriel is the humble mudcrab, beloved Southeast Asian food mascot, alimango of mangroves in warm Indo-Pacific waters. In general, these are crabs belonging to the Scylla genus, with Scylla serrata in the picture beside an ESO mudcrab.

(Picture: Pincer, Old Salty, and the Mudcrab guardian spirit, some of Skyrim's named mudcrabs. Images from UESP)

I don't know what's going on with Old Salty's shell, but there was a still a deliberate choice to include a mudcrab with big claws, small legs, and a wide, domed shell in both Skyrim and ESO. I suspect the mudcrab holds some semi-terrestrial charm along with the impressive claws that leggy crabs don’t really have, and I am tickled at the abundant SEasian representation in TES. I am also delighted that, like my family members around a crab, the citizens of Skyrim are able to devour abundant mouthfuls of meat from mudcrab claws.

Do you see your local crab in Tamriel? Feel free to share crab and mudcrab thoughts! Happy TES day!

...

Addendum: I am not a crab expert and do not know what Oblivion's and Morrowind's mudcrabs are. These are entirely different genera of crab. I suspect Oblivion's is some pelagic crab and Morrowind's is some box crab (Calappa) with the claws oriented strangely.

(id: Oblivion mudcrab, Morrowind mudcrab)

Crabs also get very diverse with the special crabs, including Clatterclaw, Titanclaw, and other named crab bosses. Also, there can be no discussion of crabs without Skar. RIP Skar, you are an icon and I have no idea what you are supposed to be.

(id: Skar in ESO, Skar in Morrowind)

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how does astrid talk to you in full articulate sentences when her entire body is covered in grievous burns

#because she's a milf obviously #theyre built different

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you can make skyrim wet and muddy with puddles when it rains now. the absolute state of gaming

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You are being judged.

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brynjolf: we don't kill people in the thieves guild. we're not the dark brotherhood. killing marks is bad for business

brynjolf during your first official job for the thieves guild: if aringoth gives you trouble... kill him

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For those who were curious, here is a video showing the Salmo bread crash. Keep in mind that this will never occur under normal circumstances, as Salmo never gets any bread.

#gd this game.

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Tried to think of a favourite fanon trope, but then remembered one I genuinely hate to see.

#PREV UR CORRECT THO.

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argonian that is a blue tongued skink

#th ats it that's the post #ive wantes tk make a proper argonian characfer for a while...and im thibkin abt my fav lizards rn

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This is what they are to me