his-name-was-robert-paulson3

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

japanese doll artist midori hayashi (林美登利)

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

hajime sorayama in marquis magazine no. 9

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

Tomie ("Old and Ugly") // Junji Ito

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

I get so frustrated thinking about how unfair it is that I have to figure out how to cope with all the trauma others have put me through for the rest of my life. I'm so fucking mad. I'm tired. I have to be okay in front of others even tho I'm struggling inside. I have to be okay bc everyone else is tired too of having to help put me back together whenever I break. Life is always going to be a battle, a fucking long one that I have to fight and idk how long I can go before I finally give up. I don't want to give up. Healing is so hard.

#blabbin' on #personal

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

Hoping someone takes my shift at work idk if I can go. Im scared to call off again tho I called off my last day last week. But if I go in I won't be home till 4:30 n I have school at 8 like when tf am I gonna sleep I'm already running on 2 hours n I have works in 2 1/2 hours. I'm gonna be so fucked up tomorrow idek how I'm gonna get through that 8 hours. Idek if I'm gonna go I'm gonna be so fucking tired after work. Unless I call off. Then I can sleep. N go to school n go to work. I talked to my dad he said to stick it out till the end of the week cuz he doesn't think it's doable either with my schedule. I'm so fucking stuck on what to do

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

what do you mean normal people don’t get physically sick when they’re stressed out or when someone is mad at them

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

Henri Michaux, from Five Poems by Henri Michaux; "Repose In Unhappiness"

Text ID: I am the ruin you made.

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

Ok my first day was terrible had a couple panics about shit idek why I was panicking about n fucking crying like a baby omg I'm sure everyone thinks I'm a sniveling lil bitch. I was just so fucking overwhelmed with everything's ng the questions the counselors were asking me, getting stuck by needles, having to defend myself that I do in fact have anxiety n no idk who tf filled out that bullshit paperwork cuz it wasn't me. So many lil things today that just overall pushed me over n now I'm so fucking tired n worn out n I still have work in 4 hours n idek if I'm gonna be able to keep going to school and work and be able to manage. What the fuck am I just dramatic as shit am I just too fucking sensitive am I just a fucking baby who can't handle anything what the fuck

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

I started school today to learn a trade and fucking shit I feel the exact same way I did when I was in highschool, it's been so long since I've been in school I kinda forgot what that felt like. I feel so on edge and anxious and weird. I hope this works out. This on top of work...Idk man. So much of my time. Idk how to work my sleep around this. Fuck I'm so overwhelmed thinking about a bunch of shit rn. Like this will help me and my partner in the future. But I need to work now. What if I can't do both. I'm so fucking scared at some point it's not going to work out. I'm trying so hard to make everything work I'm terrified of if it doesn't. Fuck fuck fuck living sucks ass I hate trying to figure shit out why is living so hard.

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

Im worried work will always be so draining for me. I know work is usually draining but like I feel like I won't ever get used to it. I'm 5 months Into my job n I thought I'd be well adjusted now. I'm adjusted to the work itself, I know what to do there so that anxiety is minimal. But when things get too crazy up in there I get so overwhelmed I dead ass cry, but I have to stop myself n keep going. Is that how it's always going to be working? This is the most I've worked in my life n yet I only work 25-32hours a week n it still feels hard. There are people working twice what I do n they do it, they make it work. Not that I wanna work that much, I don't, that's lame. But I need to be able to work at least 40-45hrs n I don't think I can. I'm afraid that I cant. It's not always hard, some days are better than others. But some days I just want to quit on the spot. Some days I feel like I'm gonna flip and have a breakdown right there in front of everybody. N I'm so tired. N I'm not even working that much! To "normal" people at least, it's not a lot. But still I'm so tired. This fucking sucks but I have to do this to save up money n shit. It's like since starting work again I've been so happy to be able to buy my own shit again n help my pops out n help my bf wit stuff, but I've also been so stressed n overwhelmed because of it. Does that ever chill out? Will I ever get used to working? I'm fucking scared man. Im so scared I won't be able to have an independent life bc of all my fucking mental problems that make it hard to function.

#blabbin' on #personal

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

Ive been questioning if Im autistic for the past couple months now n I'm seeing my therapist again after not seeing him for two months n I been wanting to bring that up to him when I first started seeing him like 6 or so months ago but I been scared. Like I feel like I'ma sound stupid n I don't want him or others to think I'm like "trying" to be autistic. It's just that I've been looking a lot into it for a while after seeing many many tiktoks of people with it n I just relate to so much and now finally so much of my childhood from what I can still remember makes sense now. I've always felt off and like I've had to put on a show to seem like "normal" people and it seems like I have to put so much energy into being social and functioning around people in society that goes passed anxiety like it seems so much more than just anxiety and I could never pinpoint what the hell it was. N like I have these explosions of emotion at times sometimes over small things that people think I'm being bramatic about but it just feels like there's so much in my body at times it's too much n I break. I'm scared to talk about it tho cuz I'm afraid of offending people like what if I'm not autistic ya know. It just makes sense to me so I wanna talk to my therapist about it but I scared idk.

#blabbin' on #personal #i just be talking dont listen to me

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

Créditos al autor.

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]