historianofhomestuck-blog

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Sooo let’s get back for a short session, then I’m gonna go again in sixish hours cause life got in the way

Okay so Sburb just got launched, and that’s probably the menu, with appropriately house-themed cursor. In the left corner we have what looks like the camera controls, and then we have a few options : SELECT, REVISE, DEPLOY, PHERNALIA REGISTRY, GRIST CACHE, EXPLORE ATHENEUM and ALCHEMY EXCURSUS

Okay, so I’m gonna go on a limb and say that select, revise and deploy are actions commands which are pretty straight forward, revise being the trickiest one, but I think it might just be a “edit” button. Edit what now, I’ve got no fucking ideas

Phernalia registry, the symbol is a captchalogue modus and I think it might have something to do with the old word Paraphernalia, which means “collection of equipment”, from ancient greek pherne, the dowry. Did I ever mention I like etymology ? Cause I do. Anyway, I’mma go with inventory for this one.

Grist cache, looks like grist means dechaffed grain but anyway what’s important is that the image is some kind of gem, it’s a cache, it’s probably the gold purse, or whatever currency this game use

Now that was a fun read, the Athenaeum is a roman litterary and scientific school funded by the emperor Hadrian, and since you “explore” it, it could be the quest journal, assuming this is keeping the mmorpg vibe it had, or maybe a bestiary or some sort of lore encyclopedia, something to do with knowledge, that’s for sure

And finally the Alchemy Excursus, and hey I know both those words, what are the odds ? Anyway an excursus is a digression, a sidestory that the greco-roman authors used to splice shit up and stop people from falling asleep when their works were read publicly, and here, I’d say it’s used to talk about some kind of crafting system, which would go both with the alchemy and still symbol and the side-thing idea

WTF

Oh ok so it makes a lot more sense why we saw the game menu IT S BECAUSE JOHN HERE IS IN THE GAME AND TT IS LITTERALY PLAYING WITH HIM I TAKE IT BACK IT MAKES NO SENSE IT BREAKS REALITY AT ITS CORE AND ITS A FUCKING AWESOME CONCEPT

So now that TT is for all acounts a god in John’s world, it beg some questions that I’m sure will be answered soon but it is still fun to speculate. Was John transported in a virtual world or is TT playing with the real world and which is the most alarming ? Does her powers have limits, like distance or size of the selected object ? If not, can she de-orbit the Earth with her little house cursor ?

And hey, that’s a captchalogue modus card right there below the chest

Yeah so indeed this menu was for camera control, and it gave us a nice clear view of John’s glassy mess of a room. Really having a Sims vibe here with the zoom and the green color

Well now that’s the kind of a game where you put a fucking tutorial before letting kids play with the fabric of reality to “get a feel of the controls”. Like imagine the damage she could do in a few clicks, and I’m sure this shit isn’t even included inthe insurance, them lazy crooks

#historianofhomestuck #actone #homestuck #liveblog

[historianofhomestuck-blog]

I am sorry if this is somehow rude to ask but why is your icon Nefertiti? Also what are those things on the header? Its ok if you write long post about it ^^.

Well it’s not rude at all, and I’d be happy to answer, although I’m afraid there’s no grand story behind it, I just really like Nefertiti, she was a badass queen in a cool period of the Egyptian empire (with her oddball husband Akhenaten, very fun read about their reign and their religious reforms) and she might even have been a pharaoh in her own rights, which is fire, plus her bust is simply incredible, probably my favorite piece of antique art, it’s like really really hella beautiful, if you’re ever in Berlin, you HAVE to go see it (plus the rest of the museum ain’t half-bad either)

And the header is a fun lil medieval miniature from the breviary (a book containing the texts of all the daily prayers you have to do as a cleric) of Renaud de Bar, a XIVth century bishop (of Metz) , which is one of the best books if you’re looking for weird trippy medieval imagery, which I guess is probably not a very common hobby among non-historians but still. To be very precise and a good scholar, it’s from the 89r folio, which you can see, with the rest of the manuscript here : http://www1.arkhenum.fr/bm_verdun_ms/_app/visualisation.php?cote=MS0107&vue=197#197

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Holy hell finally done with work and shit, time to do this thing, gonna have to take some time to reread the last few pages before carrying on, just to refresh it a bit

#historianofhomestuck

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well my internet is acting up so I’m gonna stop here, keeping the surprise on wha sburb is to the next time !

Good night y’all !

#historianofhomestuck

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Finally, it only took like thirty pages and the total destruction of half your room, hope it’s worth it

Aww look at that big ass smile on his face

Big up to TG, that’s a really thoughtful and cute gift, and it probably wasn’t easy to find, now that’s a real friend if I’ve ever seen one. 

And to celebrate an awesome gift, let’s play some game, now that’s a good day

Of course, how could we ever forget that epic fight between Ajax the great and the stuffed rabbit under the towering walls of Troyes ? (yeah I know homeric doesn’t literally means that it happened in the homeric epics, but that’s just too good of an image to pass on)

Also it looks like this sburb game is a two-player game I guess or like maye more, if there is no limits of the number of clients, but it’s not massively multiplayer since it needs a host player

And I love how TT is always speaking with a mix of condescension and stern motherliness. It’s probably the only way to even get this doofus to listen and do something without hurting himself and/or exploding his house

Nice little spirograph, as often with them, it reminds me of islamic art,with those kind of flowerly and round mathematical forms

Well that was oddly mesmerizing, kind of like those old windows player music visualizators

I’ve watched it two times just because between the chill upbeat music and the transforming sprirographs, it’s just so relaxing, honestly very cool effect

Also I’ve got a Sims vibe on that logo, same font, same color.

#historianofhomestuck #homestuck #liveblog #actone #dayfour

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Will John manage to open his birthday cake before desecrating his whole house ? The bets are on

Honestly I understand why Dad Egbert lost his sanity and took refuge in clown porn and bakery, imagine living with that shit everyday

It took all my mental fortitude to not make a “justice rain from above” joke, but still that would make a hell of a skin to have Pharah just lauching random shit like cakes and books with her ult

Also good job of choosing the sharpest, deadliest objects in the room to use as dead weight in your inventory cannon, really nothing to add, just a perfect decision.

Christ what a mess

Honestly if this inventory system is generalized, by now most of the world’s wealth is in the hands of insurance companies and cleaning services

#historianofhomestuck #homestuck #liveblog #actone #dayfour

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The fact that this kid managed to survive until his 13th birthday is truly a evolutionary miracle, even Darwin would have given up by seeing that.

Seriously though, the kid is worse than a Hun.

Yeah I won’t disagree

Good thing PDAs are the child of a Nokia and a T-34, which makes them probably invulnerable to anything short of a tsar bomba, but still, it took like a hundred pages to go outside the first time, let your dad get back his own shit this time.

Love the fact that even on their birthday backpages, those nerds uses their pseudos

Also I seriously hope that by “getting” the razor, you mean taking it in your hands like a good, normal boy. AND NOT CAPTCHALOGUING IT AGAIN, THUS STARTING A LOOP OF STUPIDITY AND FLYING KNIVES

GODDAMMIT KID

#homestuck #historianofhomestuck #actone #liveblog #dayfour

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As far as ballasts go, cake are definitly not top tier, but thanks to bullshit rpg inventory magic, no matter how light or heavy something can be,wether a feather or a fucking anvil, it will take the same one slot each, so sure why not cakes, there’s no shortage of them.

Yeaaaah that thing was propelled with enough force to plant itself into a solid wall, how about you all don’t give young teens the inventory equivalent of a nail gun ?

On the other hand, honestly a weaponized inventory would be a really cool concept in a game, I don’t know if it has already been done but if not, better fill that void, I want to beat ruffians by launching mana potions and plates at them at mach 5

Lightning reflexes shown here by John “sun-bathing lizard” Egbert, who sadly got bested by a gently falling cake-soaked towel. Truly a legendary fight that will be passed around countless campfire

#homestuck #liveblog #actone #dayfour #historianofhomestuck

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Well time to fight this beast again

#historianofhomestuck

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And on them good words, let’s stop for tonight

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Okay I laughed at that joke

That’s also a valid alternative title for Homestuck.

If it wasn’t a rethorical question, the answer would however be “a mulitplayer game”. Remind of them old WoW days when you had to wait for hours at times to join your server

A dozen of identical white shirts and some unreadable massive books about maths and programming. That’s a nerd closet alright

Also why is there a fucking oil stain on top of one of your books too ? You’re a pig John, a god damn pig

How could you have a better time than by reading thousand of pages of abusively-worded advices and insults ?

And I seeJohnny boy already learned one of the most important life lesson, always go for the free stuff first.

So it’s the exact opposite of your actual system but still as shitty, uh ? Well that’s a hella update you got there pal, are those things running on Windows 10 by any chance ?

Well I don’t think it’s any worse, it’s just equally shit. Well no, ok, now your inventory is ugly orange instead of tolerable pink, so yeah it’s a little worse.

But uuuuhh, can he even switch back ? He needed some kind of card to have this one, is there a ctrl+z option in there or is he gonna need a pink card to go back ?

Yeaaaah good job John, not thinking about it is exactly why you’re in a situation like that you dumbass

Yeah John, put it down. He lived a good life but now he is suffering, even if you can’t see it, so go and end his misery. Dig it a little grave, say some prayer and kill its knify ass. Is that clearer ?

#homestuck #liveblog #actone #historianofhomestuck #daythree

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The messages are starting to pile up there John, better to answer them now before they get so numerous that you’ll lose all motivation to even try to fight the beast. A phenomenom also called as the mail box vicious cycle.

Still no homo, probably

Don’t be ashamed John, McConaughey is HOT, ain’t no shame in recognizing it. It’s not Jack Falahee but still hot.

oooh a message from the one with the best name, I’m highly curious

SHE SEEMS SO NICE AND SWEET AND SHE EVEN USE THE <3 SMILEY WHICH I TOTALLY DON’T USE ON A REGULIAR BASIS TOO I LIKE HER ALREADY

Meanwhile TG is playing the asshole friend there, and I have to plead guilty of doing the whole “oh is there something important today ?” on birthdays too.

Oh and also confirmation that indeed, GG is a girl, which makes it two boys and two girls, as predicted. Damn I’m like Nostradamus in there.

Ew, whatever is John’s gift to TG, I hope it got exorcised at some point between being worn by Cage and TG, maybe purified by fire too. And Javel, you can never be too careful

And yeaah that red package is totally TG birthday gift to John, isn’t it ? Which makes me think that the similar green package might no have this color at random. TG gift is red, exactly like the color of his messages, and we have a character writing in green, although arguably not the same hue but still, it’s a very real possiblity that the green package is GG gift to John !

So Typheus the destroyer of worlds is a web browser with a little cute snake-like symbol ? Can’t argue with that. Can’t wait for the Jörmungandr music player and the Wendigo office suite

Also, I smell upcoming meta joke

Man, Problem Sleuth really let himself go. Cool aesthetics though, with the whole dark counterpart of PS characters, and what is I think a card game theme, with the heart, diamond and spade on the doors.

And that’s definetly a meta commentary about early readers that probably said the same thing about Homestuck and Problem Sleuth. 

#homestuck #actone #daythree #liveblog #historianofhomestuck

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You’re a coward John. Live by the pogo ride, die by the pogo ride, and to hell with safety, those things are so fun when you’re a kid. Sure they’re out to kill you, but every good kid toy is.

Also at this point it is extremely redundant to point out Dad Egbert inherent weirdness but dude you’re in 2009, why do you have an old school barber razor ? Live with your time man

You can do it John, remember what you’ve learned in med school !

The operation was a striking success. The patient is now completely out of danger, and out of cake, but for Dr. John those are the same thing.

Indeed my friend, indeed it is.

And christ what a mess, I don’t think even the gothic sack of Rome was equal to the horror of this filth

#homestuck #liveblog #actone #historianofhomestuck #daythree

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John can you stop captchaloguing every single thing that enters your eyesight ?

As an avid hoarder in every RPG I put my hands on, I can understand this mentality, but I don’t do it when I have only 5 inventory slots THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN UTILIZE FREELY.

Honestly since the boy have already been out of his home, I think “Why don’t you think these things through first ?” is a wayyy more honest and true title for this story than “Homestuck”

Yeah it’s probably two tons of eldritch clown porn. You’re forbidden from entering because it would litteraly steal your soul to the profit of a forgotten sea god and/or leave you scarred for life.

#homestuck #liveblog #actone #daythree #historianofhomestuck

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That’s definitely an overkill for three innocent little smoke pellets, but whatever works I guess. 

Also dunno why that smoke background with repeating bicolor pattern made me remember all those shitty memes we had in the early 2010s, that had this same format. Holy shit I don’t miss that time, those ugly abomination and fucking rage comics everywhere. Thanks god they dropped out of fashion faster than Maximillian I in Mexico.

Shitty ninja, away !

Yeah go John and pillage that table while your father is distracted by your mess, that’s a nice move. Also a PDA, seriously ? Wanna grab a minitel too while you’re at it ? A FLOPPY DISK ? Seriously though I don’t think I’ve ever seen a PDA outise of movies.

And yeah inventory is now 20% less restraining, woooooooooo

Well I think that confirm my birthday gift theory, now from whom I’ve got no clue

(yeah I’m old but this game was fire)

and stop dropping things on the floor like that John wtf, show a little education

And THAT is reason #2598 why you don’t put a cake on a couch. For the record, reason #1 is that it’s a fucking disgrace and is justly considered a major christian sin punished by the worst torture, both in life and death

#homestuck #liveblog #actone #historianofhomestuck #daythree

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Oooh yeah that’s some nice quick thinking, even though it still include to smoke the fuck out of your kitchen/your dad, instead of just like saying “thanks for the cake pop” and taking your shit casually like a normal person.

Oh.

Yeah in hindsight, it would probably not be a good idea to manufacture smoke pellets sensitive enough to explode like that. I mean that just screams accidental explosion in your pocket while you’re walking, and that would just straight out suck. THEN AGAIN THAT IMPLY THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARRY THINGS IN THEIR POCKETS AND NOT IN THEIR GOD FORSAKEN  SPHINX RIDDLE OF AN INVENTORY.

Yeah no sorry John but I’m almost certain that’s Lao Zi. But hey you’re just nearly 2400 years and 8500 km off, that’s could happen to anybody

Also I’m starting to think the author have a goddamn thesaurus next to them when they write, and intentionally choose the most convulated word possible every time. Good job on keeping the a-letter rule for those pokemon moves, fuck you for forcing me to oxford dictionnary your shit every other page

#homestuck #liveblog #actone #historianofhomestuck #daythree

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Ecu?

Yeah, that’s the french word for this kind of mid-length medieval triangular shield, that became popular in the 1100s, replacing the old IX-Xth century almond-shaped shield (the one you see all over the Bayeux Tapissery, like this : 

Anyway Ecu is,I think, a more fitting name that the anglo-german name of Heater Shield, because, yeah sure it’s shaped like an old school clothes iron but that’s like way anachronistic, while the french word, like the word in the other latin languages, is directly the word used at the time, coming straight from good old latin “scutum”, shield. 

The funny thing is, this type of shield is closely related to coat of arms, since coat of arms are traditionnaly represented on heater shields , and the word for those heater-shield behind the coat of arms is actually escutcheon, so like they used the latin root for the heradlry part but not for the actual shield.

Yeah that’s funny. Don’t question historian humor, we’re weird man