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hockeyblogg · 17 days

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Not Enough - F. Andersen

I'm afraid to say i'm officially back so i'm not going to :| however, I have been getting more inspired to write and I have a few works that i've been wanting to post.

this drabble is full of angst which is something i've been writing a lot more...and before you say it, No...this isn't a self indulgent fic lol. It's simply something I thought of when I gained motivation while watching kdramas

in whatever way you take this, i just hope you enjoy it :) it's been a while so forgive me...

Fred walked in your shared apartment, placing his keys down and wiping his forehead to rid himself of the sweat he still produced from practice.

He would have showered at the arena, but he hoped you’d be willing to shower with him when he got home, seeing as you both haven’t had too much time for each other in the last two months due to your new promotion at work and the Canes being in the playoffs, and now that it’s the weekend and you’re both free for the first time in what feels like forever, he’s been a little excited to spend some quality time with his girlfriend.

You on the other hand, had just finished packing an overnight bag and are now sitting on the edge of your bed, tears now dried on your cheeks with new ones threatening to leak over your eyelashes.

You knew your and Fred’s relationship was on the rockier side for awhile, barely seeing each other despite living together, having little to no time to say more than two words to each other. You knew it was getting to Freddie, but you also hoped that you’d pull through, like you always do.

You didn’t expect this.

“Hey elskede.” Freddie’s words made you jump, quickly turning your head to look up at his figure entering the room.

Freddie’s smile turned down, a look of concern washing over his face upon seeing your dried tears and red eyes, “What’s wrong baby?”

You could practically scoff at his audacity.

“Why don’t you ask Brady, you two seem to have gotten awfully close lately.” You mutter bitterly, wiping your nose and cheeks with your sleeve

Freddie’s heart stops for a second,

no…there’s no way you found out…

“Elskede, what are you talking about?” He’s playing dumb, he knows he is, but in his defence, he never thought you’d ever find out.

“Freddie please, the last thing I need right now is for you to lie to me, I already know…I just-I need to hear you say it.”

You’re practically falling apart in front of him, the news hit you like a ton of bricks, and you don’t know if there’s any hope for your relationship after this.

“Let me explain…” Fred started but paused when you closed your eyes and sighed defeatedly

“W-we were going through a tough spot in our relationship a-and I didn’t know what to do, when you said you couldn’t attend Mitchy’s wedding I was even more frustrated, and the guys wanted me to loosen up so-”

Catching his words, you cut him off, “Woah, wait-wait!”

Freddie stops.

“You mean to tell me…that this has been going on since Mitch and Steph’s wedding?!”

Realizing his mistake, Fred can’t say anymore, knowing he fucked up.

It made since now; the arguments about his lack of free time, the last minute “new year’s trip” to see his family, him being way busier this time around the playoffs than usual, having a newfound understanding of all your late-night workdays, his late evening workdays where you assumed practice ran later than usual…

“Oh my god…I’m such a fucking idiot!”

You couldn’t take it anymore, you gather your things and sling your bag over your shoulder, a fresh set of tears flowing freely

Fred moves fast, grabbing your upper arm, “No please, elskede you can’t-”

“I can’t leave? Not only did I find out you cheated on me, but I find out it’s been multiple times, since Mitch’s wedding which was what, in July? It’s fucking April you piece of shit!”

You push him off you and rip your arm from his grasp, “So yeah, I think it’s safe to say I’m allowed to leave you.”

Tears are gathering in Freddie’s eyes, and he finds himself losing control of his breathing, “Please, I’m sorry baby, don’t leave, I’ll fix this.”

He follows you out of the room, and as soon as you open the door, he smacks his palm against it, slamming it back shut

“Fred, move!”

You aren’t in the mood for games, but Fred isn’t willing to give you up this easily

Taking a deep breath, you will yourself to look in him in the eyes, almost breaking at the fact they’re even redder than yours, but you remind yourself this is his fault, he did this to you both,

“Just…tell me one thing…”

He puts his full attention on you, reaching to hold your hands in his

“Were they different every time, or is it the same person?” You’re honestly scared of the answer, not sure which one will make you break more. If it’s multiple, then there’s something he’s missing that you guys no longer have in your relationship, but if it’s just one girl, then there’s something he’s missing within you.

He’s quiet, and you’re searching his face for any sort of hint or giveaway. When his face drops, you have it.

“Well…” you muster all of the strength you have inside you, “I hope she was worth losing everything that we had, everything I sacrificed to build this life with you, a life that was so easy for you to throw away.”

You shake his hands off you, ripping the door open and leaving him for good, “Goodbye Freddie.”

Fred falls to his knees as soon as the door closes, letting out everything he was holding in.

“FUUUCK!!” He grabs the shoe rack in the closet, tossing it to the living room and hearing a loud crash to which he pays no mind, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Nothing matters anymore, he’s lost you for good and it’s nobody’s fault but his own. He knows he can only call one person right now, someone he knows won’t be upset with him, someone he knows he really shouldn’t call, especially right now. But Freddie is in love, or at least, that’s what he thinks.

Freddie is simply infatuated, he’s in love with the idea of what is, and honestly, what better way to take his mind off you than to call the one person he knows can do just that.

Picking his phone up, he swallows back all the guilt and sorrow he’s feeling right now,

“Hey Anna, you should come over…”

#frederik andersen #frederik andersen imagines #freddie andersen imagines #frederik andersen x reader #freddie x reader #fandersen #freddie andersen x reader #my writings

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hockeyblogg · 1 year

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Alone (Yoongi x Reader)

- pt 1 -

summary: you’re having a rough time and all you want is comfort from your boyfriend

genre: angst

warning: depressive thoughts

length: 2,620 words

a/n: this is my first BTS imagine so I hope you guys like it. of course, it’s an angst. I just decided to write this while I was feeling down, that’s all. If people request for a part 2, then I might write it.

Nothing was working out for you at the moment. All of your friends were ignoring/avoiding you. You were falling behind on all of your classes, currently overwhelmed from stress and work. Your boss was in a bad mood because some of your coworkers had decided to quit, forcing you to take many of their shifts. Your family members were arguing with one another. And worst of all, to you, your boyfriend Min Yoongi was so busy with work that he hasn’t seen you, called you, or texted you once in the past two weeks.

Usually, you’d be able to deal with all of these issues that came up in your life. But without the support from Yoongi, you felt all alone in this world. You felt isolated; like no one cared about you.

You sighed loudly, running your fingers through your hair as you stared at your phone, reading every text message that you had gotten.

Family member #1: This family is so annoying! Why do we have to argue about everything?

Family member #2: Why does (Family member #1) have to overreact to everything? You understand where I’m coming from though, right?

Family member #3: Hey, you’re on my side right? :) I know I can count on you :)

Boss: We don’t have anyone working for night shift tonight. You haven’t came to work in while, so I’m assuming you’d want to take it if you would like to be paid.

Friend: Sorry I haven’t been responding lately! I’ve just been so busy. I don’t think I can hang out this Saturday either because I have to go to (friend’s name)’s cousin’s wedding.

Friend #2: Why do you think we’re avoiding you? We’ve all just been so busy. Get over yourself.

And nothing from Yoongi.

You had tried to call him, but he never picked up. It would always go straight to his voicemail. You contacted the other members out of concern and they told you that he was doing fine, that everybody was just very busy because they were getting ready for their comeback stage.

Of course, you understood. You knew what you were signing up for when you started dating an idol. But just because you understood did not make it hurt any less. Even the most simple, short texts would be enough for you at this moment. However, the fact that the members were able to text and call you back, and he couldn’t, when HE was your boyfriend, was very unsettling to your heart.

He didn’t even know what had been going on recently. You didn’t want to put more weight on his shoulders anyway. He was so focused on his job, and you knew how much it meant to him, so you had just decided to keep it all inside, to bottle everything up.

Your apartment was a mess. You’d be worried about Yoongi seeing all of it, but you knew that he wouldn’t come over here any time soon because the comeback was in just one week. You just knew that he would keep working hard until then, treating you in the same habit as he’s had the past two weeks. He had been staying over at the dorms, rather than coming over to your apartment.

You didn’t think you could hold on for one more week though. You were close, so close, to breaking down. The more your friends avoided you, the more your family members fought, the more overworked you felt from school and your job, and the more your boyfriend ignored you, made you feel a lot lonelier in the world. You felt detached from everybody. You tried to remember the memories you and Yoongi had shared, but they just made your heart ache even more.

You sent a message to Yoongi again.

You: Hope you aren’t working too hard! Missing you so much :)

In ten minutes, you finally felt the phone buzz. You smiled in happiness when you realized that you had finally gotten a message back from him.

Yoongi: Busy right now. Can’t talk at the moment.

Your smile dropped.

It was the reply that you had been waiting from him for two weeks. You should feel happy that he at least texted you. Yet, it didn’t meant anything. You didn’t feel comforted that you thought you would be. You didn’t have the reassurance that you thought you would have. And you didn’t feel as loved as you thought you were.

You put the phone down, staring at the textbooks in front of you, a sudden heavy weight placed inside your chest. You bit your lip to keep yourself from crying. Everything was going to be okay. Everything had to be okay. You kept telling to yourself. You decided to just concentrate on your studies. You didn’t need to be worried about it.

Yoongi was really busy, and after the comeback, things will go back to normal.

At least, that’s what you believed.

A few days later, you got a text from Yoongi.

Yoongi: Practice is over at 10pm. Will get to your place by 10:45

Your heart nearly flipped. You rushed all around the apartment to clean up, tidying up the mess you had made from your depression. You put on a cute outfit and did your makeup, wanting to look as presentable and nice in front of your boyfriend as possible. You even cooked a small meal for him, one of his favorites, just in case he felt hungry. You were assuming that he was going to stay for the night.

It was 10:40pm by then, and you straightened out the crooked picture frame of you and him that sat on the wall. It was a lovely picture; the both of you were holding hands and looking endearingly into each other’s eyes on a cruise ship where his aunt’s wedding took place. It was when he introduced you formally to his entire family, and when you realized how much in love you were with him because of his sweetness and his kindness. You remembered at the wedding, as well, that you were the one who caught the bouquet of flowers when his aunt threw it. You also remembered the promise Yoongi made that you definitely will be the next in the family to get married.

You smiled at it before you took your place on the couch, waiting for him to knock on the door. Your phone was in your hands, just in case he texted. You couldn’t wait to see him. You couldn’t wait until his arms wrapped around your body as he whispered comforting words that you had been longing to hear. You wanted your sweet escape. And that sweet escape was him.

It then turned 11pm. You tapped your fingers on your phone screen impatiently, checking the time every 30 seconds. Your eyes started to droop and you felt yourself fading away to a snooze because of exhaustion from school and work.

You then woke up in a startle, suddenly realizing that you had drifted off into sleep. It was 1am by then. You panicked, looking for Yoongi, or any sign if he were here. There was nothing. So you checked your phone. There was nothing. Then you checked around your apartment, hoping that he had just miraculously gotten into your suite and was just sleeping somewhere. There was nothing.

You decided to call him. He didn’t pick up. You called him again. He didn’t pick up. You called him a third time. He picked up.

“Hello?” He sounded exhausted.

“Hello, Yoongi-oppa,” you said in the most cheerful tone that you could muster. “Where are you right now?”

“At the studio,” he replied shortly. “I’m really busy right now, so I can’t talk.”

“But didn’t you say you were coming over?” You questioned, your cheerfulness wavering.

“Ah, I did, but I’m really busy. I was planning on going there to hand you 3 tickets to the comback for you and your friends, but I’ll have manager-hyung drop them off in your mailbox instead.”

“Oh,” you tried your best to not sound disappointed, but it just happened anyway.

He didn’t reply for a bit before he let out a sigh of annoyance. “Look, you know how important this comeback is, right? I know you’re disappointed, so please try to understand.”

“Yes, I know, but I can’t help but feel it, okay?” You replied back a bit aggressively than you had planned. But your temper was starting to rise, and everything inside of you had just started to build up gradually. “I just thought that it would be nice to see my boyfriend after he hadn’t texted me or called me in two weeks.”

“Oh c'mon, you’re still going on about that? The boys have been telling me that you’ve been trying to contact me, but I expected you to at least understand.”

“I do understand! I said it already! I just wanted to see you, okay?”

“I know! But just wait a little bit longer, okay?! Go hand out with your friends or familly or something.” His voice grew more irritated by the second, and your could feel yourself getting there too.

You wanted to tell him that no one was there for you at the moment, but you held your tongue back.

“Fine,” you said with some attitude.

“Hey, I’m really stressed out now, and I don’t need your bitch attitude,” He suddenly barked out. “I’m going to hang up.”

“Wait, what did you just say?” You asked incredulously, unable to process his words.

“I said that I don’t need your bitch attitude,” he repeated again through gritted teeth.

You blinked, utterly baffled before you felt tears weld in your eyes. He had never spoken to you in that manner before. You figured it was just the stress, but you were too upset that you had just been called a bitch by your own boyfriend.

You wanted to respond, but you found no words because all you felt was the stabbing pain in your heart. Hot tears made their way down your cheeks, probably ruining the makeup you had done just for him.

“Yah, are you just not going to answer? Because you’re wasting my time right now.” You heard him say through the phone.

You just stared at the phone. You stared at Yoongi’s name. And without hesitation, you pressed the red end call button. You placed the phone on the coffee table in front of you as you sat on the couch, tears flowing out of your eyes, staring at the dark walls in front of you. You felt all alone.

You didn’t remember anything when you woke up the next morning. Your eyes felt swollen, your face was tight from the dried up salty tears, and you had a terrible headache. The entire room was a mess. The picture of you and Yoongi was on the ground, glass shattered everywhere. Yoongi’s meal was still out, sitting on the counter untouched.

You looked up from the couch and noticed Yoongi sitting there next to your feet. His eyes trained on his hands, his face devoid of any emotion.

“Yoongi?” You called out to him in question. You wondered why he was even here.

He turned to look at you as you slowly sat up, groaning slightly in pain from your headache.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him.

“I’ll get you some medicine,” he told you. “Go get yourself cleaned up, and then we can talk right after.”

You slowly got up, trudging your way to the bathroom.

You felt depressed and sick. You looked at yourself through the mirror. There were lines of black mascara and eyeliner smudged everywhere underneath your eyes. Your lips were chapped from dehydration from the alcohol you drank last night. You hair was a mess. It seemed like you had spent the entire night drinking and crying.

You buried your face in your hands, feeling more upset that Yoongi was here to see you in this kind of state.

You washed all of the makeup off of your face and went to throw on a t shirt and some sweatpants. You didn’t really care about looking good in front of Yoongi anymore.

When you went back to the living room, you noticed Yoongi quietly sweeping up the glass on the ground, the picture frame of you and him set on the table. Beside it was a cup of water and some pain relievers.

You quietly made your way to the table to take the the medicine. Without a doubt, you knew Yoongi’s eyes were watching your every move. After you finished, you went to pick up the trash in your apartment.

“Don’t bother,” he said to you. “I’ll clean it up later.”

“Shouldn’t you be at practice right now?” You questioned him quietly.

“Is practice really something that I should worrying about right now?” He raised his voice a little.

You turned to look at his harsh gaze on you. But once he caught sight of how you looked and the sadness that lingered in your eyes, his expressions softened.

“You must be feeling sick, so go sit down on the couch,” he told you calmly and looked away.

You complied and sat down, leaning your head against the frame as you watched him dispose of the glass in the trash bin. His gaze immediately noticed the plate of cold food on the table.

“Did you make this for me?” He asked quietly.

“Yes,” you responded, shutting your eyes from your pounding headache.

“When?”

“Last night.”

There was no response from him afterwards.

“Just throw it away. It’s no good now,” you told him and opened your eyes.

You watched as he dumped the food you cooked for him in the trash. You felt as if the dumping symbolized the way your relationship had been going. You felt like he was through with you.

He didn’t reply back in two weeks. Of course he lost interest in you. It all made sense now. After that call last night and then witnessing this mess of you, he wanted to call it all off. He was going to abandon you like all of your friends did. That was the only reason why he was here.

You wanted to cry, but all of your tears were drained from your body from last night.

You closed your eyes tightly when he started to approach you, making his way to the couch. You felt him sit next to you, and you waited for the next punchline.

“I think we should take a break.”

And there it was. You knew that it was going to happen. You knew, yet it still made your heart stop. You basically called it.

You opened your eyes again, taking in his form. It felt like it had been forever since you had seen him again.

You smiled bitterly as you gazed at him. It was better off that way.

“Yeah,” you agreed and looked away.

Everything that you wanted to tell him flew out of the window at this point. If that was what he wanted, then you were just going to agree with him. Your life was already going downhill at this point, so you might as well just reach to the dark bottom pit, right?

You heard him mutter a few words before he planted one small kiss on your forehead, but you didn’t concentrate on any of it. You just stared ahead of you.

“I’ll see you later,” he said, and then he left.

He just left you sitting there alone. Instead of feeling alone though, you knew. You just knew. It wasn’t just a feeling. You really were all alone.

#made me ugly cry #this is exactly what’s been going on in my life rn #and it ended exactly the way I knew it was going to

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