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You will never feel more alone than this.

Denise Levertov, from The Complete Poems of Denise Levertov; “In Memory of Muriel Rukeyser,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

#* CH . STUDY .

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psa: if your character has at no point held jonathan’s hand or put a hand on his shoulder/back they’re evil , sorry i don’t make the rules

#* OOC . #* TBD . #hbdsfjnsd my brain is frying #i'm trying to listen to #wojciech kilar soundtracks to drown out my parents yelling at their computers #i WAN T TO WORK ON THE S E DRAFTS #instead i'm coming before you again #to ask you #to be gentle to jonathan

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🔵

#i taught both my parents how to use skype #to talk with their friends #they're both yelling at their computer screens #in opposite spots of the house #and i'm stuck in the middle #i have made a grave mistake #I CAN'T HE A R MY S ELF THIN K SEN D H ELP #END THE QUARANTINE NO W GOVERNMENT #LET ME OUT #* TBD . #* OOC .

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Prince Albert gifs 4/-

#* JONATHAN HARKER . #*sees jon smiling* #*sky clears up crops thrive eczema disappears*

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  ❛ After all, when all else is gone, you may still have bitterness in abundance. ❜ // @movrningbride​

                                 jonathan grew weaker every day that he spent stuck within that cursed castle . he attempted to cling to the memory of mina , of lucy , of his family and friends that still persisted back in london and that , surely , awaited his return ... but his hold on such thoughts would often loosen . whenever fair verona taunted him , his faith in reason and decency would waver and , with it , all the teachings his father had bestowed upon him about good social manners . and there she stood again , both a beauty and a horror that continued to haunt his daily searches for an escape . only hatred spilled from her red lips , as if he , jonathan harker , were the enemy  (  as if he were the villain  )  ! if her intentions were to lead him to despair , she was indeed succeeding . but never would jonathan allow her to know the dimension of his distress . he faced her then , gazing upon her soft features , feeling both the pull and repulsion that he had known the very first night the brides had made their presence known .

                                       he felt a moistness in his eyes , one mr . harker did his very best not to show . but the frustration of being met with such vile cruelty , such pure unfounded hatred , left him weaker still . if he could make sense of his captivity or of his kidnapers , perhaps his throat would not feel as dry , nor would his heart beat so loudly between his ears . but verona , beautiful verona , she was the sharpest blade of all ... and she knew where to poke jonathan in order to make him bleed . he clenched his jaw and spoke through gritted teeth :

                “ better to feel bitter than to feel nothing at all . ”

#* ANSW . #* V01 : THE WILHELM SCREAM ! #* MOVRNINGBRIDE . #echoing through castle dracula: #do you really wanna huuurt me OH! #dO yOu rEaLLy wAnnA mAke Me CrY

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And sometimes, against all odds, against all logic, we hope.

(via 98bullets)

#* CH . STUDY .

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hello i’m stopping by to say that jonathan’s theme song for whenever he enters the room is thomas the tank engine's.

#* OOC . #* TBD . #hello new followers did you expect quality?? #because you've been lied to

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Le Monde vivant (Eugène Green, 2003)

#* AES . #* R : ALL I WANTED WAS TO CARRY YOU FOR ACHING .

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𝙸 𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙰 𝙲𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂𝚁𝙾𝙰𝙳𝚂 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴 𝙸 𝚂𝙴𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼, 𝚂𝙴𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼. 𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙴 𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁, 𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙴 𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁. 𝚂𝙾 𝙸 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙼 𝚃𝙾 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚆𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝙸'𝙼 𝚂𝙻𝙴𝙴𝙿𝙸𝙽𝙶, 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙶𝙷 𝚂𝙰𝙶𝙴 𝙶𝚁𝙴𝙴𝙽 𝚁𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝙴𝙽𝙶𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙳. 𝙸 𝚂𝙴𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝙲𝙴𝙽𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚂, 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚂. 𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙴 𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁, 𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙴 𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁. 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 𝙸 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙺 𝙾𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄 ( … )

#* YOURS TRULY . #i'll have to give in one day #and make a new promo #but today is not the day #come join me in the quarantine pit #while i queue more meme replies

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thinking of modern jonny

#* OOC . #* TBD . #this smiths listening #tie wearing #spices dreading #book worming himbo

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[ID: excerpt from ‘Demeter’s Prayer to Hades,’ a poem by Rita Dove

“There are no curses—only mirrors.”]

#* CH . STUDY .

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❛ For you alone I will be weak. ❜ // @draculyr​

 the words which spilled from dracula’s red mouth caught jonathan harker by surprise . his pale hand lightly pressed against the dark stones of the castle’s wall , hoping it would offer him some balance ; a feeble attempt at remaining in contact with that which he KNEW TO BE REAL . his host was not what he seemed , of that jonathan was sure , but the englishman could no longer trust his own senses ; his eyes had made him witness to unspeakable horrors , his skin felt the nightly touch of something which should not walk amongst mankind ... and now he heard the count speak to him with such an enticing warmth that he , poor jonathan , nearly let his guard down in order to BE WEAK IN RETURN . 

                         but the wind whistled outside those walls , and with it the howling of wolves . the children of the night , as the count had called those beasts , clawed at dracula’s offering , shedding it of all its’ charm , reminding jonathan of all the times in which he had seen the flash of cruelty glistening in the corners of the other man’s eyes , reminding him that his stay had been prolonged BEYOND ANY MISUNDERSTANDING . jonathan felt as a prisoner . and , in his despair for familiarity , he allowed himself to be honest with the count .    “     ───   that is a gift which i cannot accept ,   ”    harker began , carefully , his pale gaze searching dracula’s sharp features , still confident that the creature standing before him was  NOTHING BUT A MAN . 

                         “     for i do not wish you to be weak .    ”    he blamed the light shiver running down his spine on the moistness of the dark stoned walls which he continued to cling to for support . an act , jonathan would much later realize , that was as futile as his attempts at clinging to his host’s empathy .    “    compassion requires great strength from great men .    ”  harker rasped , suddenly aware of how dry his throat had become .   “   would you not grant me that instead ?   ”

#* ANSW . #* V01 : THE WILHELM SCREAM ! #* DRACULYR . #jon is a himbo is my new campaign slogan

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❛ I understand. ❜ // @wmina​

                       “ forgive me , i fear i might have not spoken clearly , ” 

                          jonathan harker was quick to raise his hand , as if this gesture alone would stop mina murray on her tracks . he hoped it would , for he dared not reach out and touch her , least she think  (  nay , realize !  )  that jonathan was desperate to feel her skin upon his . it was foreign to him , to struggle with this sort of infatuation . mr . harker had always been so skilled at keeping his composure but , when it came to ms . murray , everything he knew to be true became horribly frail . he was willing to second guess himself when near her    ───   ready to surrender whatever mina wished to have . A TERRIBLE THOUGHT HE DARED NOT SPEAK ALOUD ! not because he feared his dear friend’s rejection , but because jonathan could not stand the thought of mina and he growing apart due to his feelings for her . love was a blade dangling over his head ... if he were to speak its’ name , then it would surely fall . 

            ��           but this battle within himself had now transpired onto sweet mina . she thought he had left yesterday’s gathering in an attempt to avoid her . jonathan could see the hurt in her eyes . his heart had nearly leapt out of his chest and onto her palms then , ready to confess that the only reason he had gone there was , in fact , TO SEE HER . but she appeared with her arm wrapped around another’s man’s arm and her smile was wider and warmer than ever and mr . harker , being the infinite fool he was , went home without ever speaking a word to her . 

                        “   it was not your presence which caused me to leave so hastily last evening , far from it ! i just ...   ”   jonathan trailed off , letting the sentiment fill the space between them , even though the words faded from his mouth like smoke . he adored her . never had he felt so strongly about another person . enough to ridicule himself , enough to question , enough to TAKE A CHANCE . there was much he wished to confess to mina . but his face became hot when realizing a pair of brown eyes gazed up at him , expectantly . harker finally sighed , defeated .        “   ───    i’m just a cowardly man , ms. murray . ”

#* V02 : LIFE ROUND HERE ! #* ANSW . #* WMINA . #what a n e rd

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𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 /  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒.

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠.

❛ You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, just that fast. ❜

❛ You are going to break your promise. ❜

❛ I understand. ❜

❛ And I hold my hands over the ears of my heart, so that I will not hate you. ❜

❛ Oh, I will be cruel to you. ❜

❛ It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be. ❜

❛ But you understand, don’t you? ❜

❛ I am a demanding creature. ❜

❛ I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. ❜

❛ For you alone I will be weak. ❜

❛ I do not tolerate a world emptied of you. ❜

❛ In the dark, I have pored over the loss of you like pale gold. ❜

❛ I have looked for your face in the patterns of the ice. ❜

❛ I moved the earth and the water for you. ❜

❛ Because my magic is as strong as an arm. ❜

❛ Magic does that. It wastes you away. ❜

❛ Magic does that. It wastes you away. Once it grips you by the ear, the real world gets quieter and quieter, until you can hardly hear it at all. ❜

❛ You will always run away with her. ❜

❛ You will always lose her. ❜

❛ You will always be a fool. ❜

❛ War is not for winning. ❜

❛ But her heart was so cold that she could hold ice in her mouth and it would never melt. ❜

❛ You look like a winter night. ❜

❛ But if you must be clever, then be clever. ❜

❛ Be brave. ❜

❛ Sleep with fists closed and shoot straight. ❜

❛ She is so stubborn, her heart has an argument with her head every time it wants to beat. ❜

❛ How I adore you. ❜

❛ Tell me you want what you want and damn me forever. But don’t leave me. ❜

❛ Oh, quit that. ❜

❛ In his own country, death can be kind. ❜

❛ Bad luck relies on absolutely perfect timing. ❜

❛ Someone ought to write a novel about me. ❜

❛ I savor bitterness - it is born of experience. It is the privilege of one who has truly lived. ❜

❛ What is the world but a boxing ring where fools and devils put up their fists? ❜

❛ After love, no one is what they were before. ❜

❛ In the space of one heartbeat to another I loved you and I was lost to you. ❜

❛ No one is now what they were before the war. There’s just no getting any of it back. ❜

❛ How long your hair has grown. You could strangle a man in it. ❜

❛ I have survived, but I have not been spared. ❜

❛ After all, when all else is gone, you may still have bitterness in abundance. ❜

❛ I’ve a devil of a habit for being right. ❜

❛ Everyone is a criminal! ❜

❛ Naturally, then, humans fall into three categories: the criminal, the not-yet-criminal, and the not-yet-caught. ❜

❛ Forests have secrets. ❜

❛ We are better at this than you are. ❜

❛ We can hold two terrible ideas at once in our hearts. ❜

❛ It’s not so bad, my darling. ❜

❛ I look at you and it is like my throat being cut. ❜

❛ Do you think I am a fool? ❜

❛ Did you never think, even once, that I loved lipstick and rouge for more than their color alone? ❜

❛ I still want to kiss you. ❜

❛ I hate it here. ❜

❛ He’ll burn you down like wax if you let him. ❜

❛ Did I not come to you on my knees with a kingdom in my hand? ❜

❛ I am not a little girl anymore, dazzled by your magic. It is my magic, now, too. ❜

❛ My heart is being cut in two. I cannot bear it. ❜

❛ Nothing ever truly dies. ❜

#* MEME . #let me write you replies friends #and we can turn them into threads #and forget my shameful rp past

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me, staring at the chaotic disappointment that is this account:

#* OOC . #i should clean up #my following list #henlo it's me #a disappearing dumbass #i'll try tidying up this blog #checking my followers #and making a plotting call maybe #how do you become a good rper #someone teach me #also hello my country's in quarantine what's up

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Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky - Valse sentimentale, Op. 51 No. 6 - Josef Sakonov (violin) & London Festival Orchestra

#* ENTHRALLING ECHOES .

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Wishing for roses, I walk through the garden,

Anna Akhmatova, tr. by Stanley Kunitz, from “Summer Garden,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

#* CH . STUDY .