I love Max being slightly an asshole but like a sweet and caring asshole
Interview with a Vampire
A Max Phillips One-Shot
Summary: Reader is sick, a curled up on the sofa while Max is at work, little did she know he'd surprise her coming home early while 'Twilight' is on TV
Words: 1962
Rating: E for EVERYONE --Its a lot of fluff-
Warnings/Triggers: Max is a vampire, he's kinda of an asshole, but its mostly fluffy, mentions of the movie Twilight, mention of sex and God...nothing really to bad. No mentions of reader descriptions, but it is written in first person from a female.
It's Friday the 13th it felt like a good day to share a Max Phillips story, something I wrote quickly to help get out of my writers block. And thanks to @musings-of-a-rose-writes for reading it before I posted ;)
**Just like ao3, âcreator chooses not to use warnings.â If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that youâre the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **
The perks of being sick, besides the fact I donât have to go to work. I get to snuggle into my boyfriend's old Princeton hoodie while having my lower half burrioted in a fuzzy blanket. Iâm laying on the way over-priced leather couch that he just had to have. âItâs classy sweetheart, and I am a classy man," he had said when the delivery guys dropped it off in his great room. Iâm warm in the little cocoon Iâve created and my eyes slowly close and I drift off for yet another nap.Â
My senses start to come too when I feel the fuzzy fabric moving, the feeling of his large hand rubbing the soft fabric up and down my calves that are now draped over his lap. I slowly blink awake, glancing at the wall clock on the far wall, itâs too early for him to be home. The sun has just started to descend. I stare at his sharp profile. The strong jaw, his Romanesque nose, and those pouty lips. Those lips that should be a sin to be able to kiss. I mean, technically they are a sin. He is a sin. He is the definition of sinful.Â
I turn my head seeing that Twilight happened to be the movie playing. His eyes focused on the images moving in front of him. He hated vampire movies, always complaining about how Hollywood portrays them. I see the remote sitting on the coffee table, in the same spot I left it. I lean forward reaching for it when his hand snatches it before I can even lift my arm.Â
âNow, baby girlâŚâ he says, smirking and raising an eyebrow looking at me, âBella is just about to tell Eddie boy what he isâ
Maximus Phillips, senior sales manager, my boyfriendâŚand a vampire. Now you see, dating my boss was never part of my plans. And dating a vampire definitely wasnât on my life BINGO card, but here we are.Â
âMax, give me the remoteâ I sniffle, sitting up and pulling my legs away from him
âBut this is the best partâ he puts his arm around me, pulling me close, rubbing his nose along my neck before placing a kiss to my pulse point
He is trying to distract me, and god damn itâŚitâs working. He sucks on the delicate skin he can reach. His hand sliding up my arm, his fingers grip at the material and pull it out of his way. A little nip has me meaning his name. âMmmm Maaaaxâ, he nips at my skin again, and I feel him smile. Knowing Max it is probably more of a smirk. His hand slides around my throat, keeping me in place âshit foooooocmmmcusâ I think, as I wrap my fingers around his wristÂ
âI know what you areâ
âWhat are we baby girl?â Max asks, he sharp teeth grazing against my skin
My free hand grips his thigh, waiting for him to sink his fangs into me. âA vampireâŚâ I say in unison with the movie.Â
âThatâs rightâ he presses his lips against my skin
I open my eyes and see remote sitting next to him, I slide my fingers up, lacing them with his. I run my hand up his thigh, leaning into him more. Hoping and praying that he is still laser focused on my neck. My hand flies from his leg to reach for the remote. Before I can even realize what happened he is sitting on the lazy-boy, remote in hand. Almost teasing me with it.Â
âYou gotta be quicker than that baby girlâ he smirks. Turning his attention back to the movie.Â
âMax, please. Can we just watch something elseâ I begÂ
I watch Max, he throws his head back in laughter shaking his head as Edward sparkles in the sunlight. âThis is the skin of a killerâ the TV says, he laughs at that even harder. âThis movie is full of liesâÂ
âArenât they all?â I groan. I knew this was going to happen, I didnât mean to fall asleep. But really this is all his fault, he came home earlyÂ
âI donât fucking sparkle in the sunlight, in fact I donât know a single vampire that doesâÂ
âWell yeah, because you turn into a pile of dustâ I smile at him
âHow many bad vampire movies have you seen?â He questions, taking off his dark charcoal suit jacket, setting it over the armrest âI donât turn into a pile of dust, and I donât catch on fire eitherâ
âThe daylight ring protects thatâ I watch as he stands, undoing the knot Iâm his red tie, and pulling it from around his neck. He drops it into my lap, walking to the covered floor to ceiling windows on the far side of the room, âMaxâŚMax, what are you doing?âÂ
âShowing you what happens to me in the sunlightâ pushing a few buttons on the wall, the dark blinds begin to rise, letting the setting sunlight fill the room.Â
He starts to unbutton his white dress shirt. He stands in the middle of the windowsl, letting the sun hit his entire body. My eyes are locked on to him. His fingers slowly finish unbuttoning his shirt, ânow sweetheart, I want you to watchâŚâ he slides the silver ring off his finger. It makes a clink when it hits the hardwood floor beneath him.Â
âMax, donâtâŚyou donât have to do thisâÂ
I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. I mean he wouldnât put himself in danger of melting, burning, turning into dust or wax..no wait thatâs a witch. He gives a wicked small, while he lets the shirt fall to the ground. I sit and wait, and watch. Heâs rightâŚnothing happened. No sparkles, no smoke, no turning to dust.Â
âI told you baby girl, nothing was going to happen to Daddyâ he smirks.
âDonât call yourself that, itâs weirdâ I say, watching as he bends down to pick up his ring. He slides it back on his finger before picking up his shirt. Thereâs a faint glimmer from where the sun was hitting his back. I cough, trying to hold back my laughter. I end up coughing harder than I probably should have.Â
Max is sitting next to me in the blink of an eye. A hand rubbing up and down my back. âSweetheart, are you ok? Baby?â
âIâmâŚcough..okâ I get out finallyÂ
Max pulls me close, pulling my legs over his lap as I snuggle into his chest. The sun had warmed him slightly. He was never ice cold to the touch but his body was always cooler than mine. Never even breaking a sweat when we fooled around. I turn my head up to look at him, I barely open my mouth âand no, I canât read your mindâ I swear I could almost hear his eye roll
âBut, you just didâ I smile, resting my head on his chest, âthe movie does have one thing rightâ
âThat we vampireâs are incredibly sexyâÂ
Itâs my turn to roll my eyes. Confidence was something he didnât lack. Nope, not one bit. Maximus Phillips knew he was attractive and he made sure everyone knew it too âitâs part of my charmâ he would always say. I lace my fingers with his and set them on my lap. âI was going to say moodyâŚâ I grin turning my head to look at him, âbut, sure sexy weeks tooâ
He frees his hand from mine, tucking his fingers under my jaw tilting my head up. He slowly brings my lips towards his. His eyes looking into mine, his tongue darting outs, quickly wetting his lips. A sinfully playful smile before they crash onto mine. It starts slow, gentle; his hand slowly moving to wrap around my neck. Licking the seam of my lips I let him in before quickly pulling back, âitâs alright babyâŚI canât get sickâŚrememberâÂ
And he says he canât read my mind. His thumb brushing the delicate skin just below my ear. I close my eyes and look down at our joined hands. Max leans forward, resting his forehead against mine.Â
âYou sure you canât find minds?â I sigh
âMaybe, just yoursâ he shrugs grinning from ear to ear
He places a quick kiss on my check and returns to watching the movie. I put my head back on his chest, his hand on my thigh. His thumb gently rubbing soothing circles while his other hand rubs my arm up and down. Itâs gentle moments like this that I forget who and what he is, a man who can flip and switch. A man who is incredibly capable of snapping my neck with just a flick of his wrist if he wanted.Â
âUghâŚâ he throws his head back, groaning and yet another vampire cliche âour eyes donât change colors. They especially donât change based on what we eat. Baby, why do you watch this crap?â it wasnât a question thoughÂ
It was a good question, I donât really know why. Maybe because it was nostalgia, maybe it was because at the time, I thought it wasnât just a cheesy vampire movie. Did I know at the time that a handful of years later I would actually be dating a vampire? No, it definitely wasnât on my lifeâs âbingoâ card. I didnât even believe vampires were a real thingâŚnot until Max Phillips walked into my life.Â
âBut they do, I mean not like thatâŚbut yours doâÂ
He shakes his head, âthey stay this awful shade of brownâŚthey always have beenâ he kisses the top of my head before I turn to look up at him
âThey are always brown, yes, but sometimes they are lighter. They have a honey color to them, sometimes they have a speckle of gold to them especially when you look at me and tell me you love me. Then, sometimesâŚwhen you are just about to ya know, they are almost black.â my hand holding on to his broad shoulder, he stares down at me and I see that little fleck of gold I was just telling him about. I scrunch my face, trying to hold back a sneeze but it doesnât work. I have been holding it back for too long.Â
I closed my eyes, and sneezed all over his face before I could get my elbow up to cover my nose. I open my eyes to Max's face, something between annoyed and shocked that I actually sneezed on him.Â
âYou sneezedâ he comments
âThanks, I didnât realize that's what I didâ I roll my eyes at him âwait, you canât say it can you? You canât say bless youâŚâ he shakes his head no, âyou canât say God either can you?âÂ
âNo, I canât say it, but I sure as hell can make you scream itâŚjust before mineâ he smirks, pulling away from me and going back to watching the movie
âMaxâŚgrossâ I shake my head, wiping my nose on the sleeve of his hoodie and laying my head back on his chest. His laugh, deep makes his entire body shake and itâs moments like this. A domestic moment with him that makes me forget he's a vampire.Â
I had fallen asleep at some point, waking up to a dark room. Max had laid me down on the couch, a blanket wrapped around my body. My back pressed up against his chest, the thick, warm blanket between us. The final scenes playing out in front of us. Edward and Bella sharing a dance. He leans her back, his lips moving to her neck. Maxâs hand resting on my hip, I can feel his lips moving against my ear. âI love you tooâŚâ he whispers
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I promise one of these days I will update my fics
Iâve been busy and idk I just havenât felt anything creative to write. Ideas are there but getting from point A to point B just isnât connecting
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@musings-of-a-rose aww thanks!! I tried to make him a bit more of an asshole this time around. But still gotta show off that little sweet side of him that you know exists.
Interview with a Vampire
A Max Phillips One-Shot
Summary: Reader is sick, a curled up on the sofa while Max is at work, little did she know he'd surprise her coming home early while 'Twilight' is on TV
Words: 1962
Rating: E for EVERYONE --Its a lot of fluff-
Warnings/Triggers: Max is a vampire, he's kinda of an asshole, but its mostly fluffy, mentions of the movie Twilight, mention of sex and God...nothing really to bad. No mentions of reader descriptions, but it is written in first person from a female.
It's Friday the 13th it felt like a good day to share a Max Phillips story, something I wrote quickly to help get out of my writers block. And thanks to @musings-of-a-rose-writes for reading it before I posted ;)
**Just like ao3, âcreator chooses not to use warnings.â If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that youâre the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **
The perks of being sick, besides the fact I donât have to go to work. I get to snuggle into my boyfriend's old Princeton hoodie while having my lower half burrioted in a fuzzy blanket. Iâm laying on the way over-priced leather couch that he just had to have. âItâs classy sweetheart, and I am a classy man," he had said when the delivery guys dropped it off in his great room. Iâm warm in the little cocoon Iâve created and my eyes slowly close and I drift off for yet another nap.Â
My senses start to come too when I feel the fuzzy fabric moving, the feeling of his large hand rubbing the soft fabric up and down my calves that are now draped over his lap. I slowly blink awake, glancing at the wall clock on the far wall, itâs too early for him to be home. The sun has just started to descend. I stare at his sharp profile. The strong jaw, his Romanesque nose, and those pouty lips. Those lips that should be a sin to be able to kiss. I mean, technically they are a sin. He is a sin. He is the definition of sinful.Â
I turn my head seeing that Twilight happened to be the movie playing. His eyes focused on the images moving in front of him. He hated vampire movies, always complaining about how Hollywood portrays them. I see the remote sitting on the coffee table, in the same spot I left it. I lean forward reaching for it when his hand snatches it before I can even lift my arm.Â
âNow, baby girlâŚâ he says, smirking and raising an eyebrow looking at me, âBella is just about to tell Eddie boy what he isâ
Maximus Phillips, senior sales manager, my boyfriendâŚand a vampire. Now you see, dating my boss was never part of my plans. And dating a vampire definitely wasnât on my life BINGO card, but here we are.Â
âMax, give me the remoteâ I sniffle, sitting up and pulling my legs away from him
âBut this is the best partâ he puts his arm around me, pulling me close, rubbing his nose along my neck before placing a kiss to my pulse point
He is trying to distract me, and god damn itâŚitâs working. He sucks on the delicate skin he can reach. His hand sliding up my arm, his fingers grip at the material and pull it out of his way. A little nip has me meaning his name. âMmmm Maaaaxâ, he nips at my skin again, and I feel him smile. Knowing Max it is probably more of a smirk. His hand slides around my throat, keeping me in place âshit foooooocmmmcusâ I think, as I wrap my fingers around his wristÂ
âI know what you areâ
âWhat are we baby girl?â Max asks, he sharp teeth grazing against my skin
My free hand grips his thigh, waiting for him to sink his fangs into me. âA vampireâŚâ I say in unison with the movie.Â
âThatâs rightâ he presses his lips against my skin
I open my eyes and see remote sitting next to him, I slide my fingers up, lacing them with his. I run my hand up his thigh, leaning into him more. Hoping and praying that he is still laser focused on my neck. My hand flies from his leg to reach for the remote. Before I can even realize what happened he is sitting on the lazy-boy, remote in hand. Almost teasing me with it.Â
âYou gotta be quicker than that baby girlâ he smirks. Turning his attention back to the movie.Â
âMax, please. Can we just watch something elseâ I begÂ
I watch Max, he throws his head back in laughter shaking his head as Edward sparkles in the sunlight. âThis is the skin of a killerâ the TV says, he laughs at that even harder. âThis movie is full of liesâÂ
âArenât they all?â I groan. I knew this was going to happen, I didnât mean to fall asleep. But really this is all his fault, he came home earlyÂ
âI donât fucking sparkle in the sunlight, in fact I donât know a single vampire that doesâÂ
âWell yeah, because you turn into a pile of dustâ I smile at him
âHow many bad vampire movies have you seen?â He questions, taking off his dark charcoal suit jacket, setting it over the armrest âI donât turn into a pile of dust, and I donât catch on fire eitherâ
âThe daylight ring protects thatâ I watch as he stands, undoing the knot Iâm his red tie, and pulling it from around his neck. He drops it into my lap, walking to the covered floor to ceiling windows on the far side of the room, âMaxâŚMax, what are you doing?âÂ
âShowing you what happens to me in the sunlightâ pushing a few buttons on the wall, the dark blinds begin to rise, letting the setting sunlight fill the room.Â
He starts to unbutton his white dress shirt. He stands in the middle of the windowsl, letting the sun hit his entire body. My eyes are locked on to him. His fingers slowly finish unbuttoning his shirt, ânow sweetheart, I want you to watchâŚâ he slides the silver ring off his finger. It makes a clink when it hits the hardwood floor beneath him.Â
âMax, donâtâŚyou donât have to do thisâÂ
I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. I mean he wouldnât put himself in danger of melting, burning, turning into dust or wax..no wait thatâs a witch. He gives a wicked small, while he lets the shirt fall to the ground. I sit and wait, and watch. Heâs rightâŚnothing happened. No sparkles, no smoke, no turning to dust.Â
âI told you baby girl, nothing was going to happen to Daddyâ he smirks.
âDonât call yourself that, itâs weirdâ I say, watching as he bends down to pick up his ring. He slides it back on his finger before picking up his shirt. Thereâs a faint glimmer from where the sun was hitting his back. I cough, trying to hold back my laughter. I end up coughing harder than I probably should have.Â
Max is sitting next to me in the blink of an eye. A hand rubbing up and down my back. âSweetheart, are you ok? Baby?â
âIâmâŚcough..okâ I get out finallyÂ
Max pulls me close, pulling my legs over his lap as I snuggle into his chest. The sun had warmed him slightly. He was never ice cold to the touch but his body was always cooler than mine. Never even breaking a sweat when we fooled around. I turn my head up to look at him, I barely open my mouth âand no, I canât read your mindâ I swear I could almost hear his eye roll
âBut, you just didâ I smile, resting my head on his chest, âthe movie does have one thing rightâ
âThat we vampireâs are incredibly sexyâÂ
Itâs my turn to roll my eyes. Confidence was something he didnât lack. Nope, not one bit. Maximus Phillips knew he was attractive and he made sure everyone knew it too âitâs part of my charmâ he would always say. I lace my fingers with his and set them on my lap. âI was going to say moodyâŚâ I grin turning my head to look at him, âbut, sure sexy weeks tooâ
He frees his hand from mine, tucking his fingers under my jaw tilting my head up. He slowly brings my lips towards his. His eyes looking into mine, his tongue darting outs, quickly wetting his lips. A sinfully playful smile before they crash onto mine. It starts slow, gentle; his hand slowly moving to wrap around my neck. Licking the seam of my lips I let him in before quickly pulling back, âitâs alright babyâŚI canât get sickâŚrememberâÂ
And he says he canât read my mind. His thumb brushing the delicate skin just below my ear. I close my eyes and look down at our joined hands. Max leans forward, resting his forehead against mine.Â
âYou sure you canât find minds?â I sigh
âMaybe, just yoursâ he shrugs grinning from ear to ear
He places a quick kiss on my check and returns to watching the movie. I put my head back on his chest, his hand on my thigh. His thumb gently rubbing soothing circles while his other hand rubs my arm up and down. Itâs gentle moments like this that I forget who and what he is, a man who can flip and switch. A man who is incredibly capable of snapping my neck with just a flick of his wrist if he wanted.Â
âUghâŚâ he throws his head back, groaning and yet another vampire cliche âour eyes donât change colors. They especially donât change based on what we eat. Baby, why do you watch this crap?â it wasnât a question thoughÂ
It was a good question, I donât really know why. Maybe because it was nostalgia, maybe it was because at the time, I thought it wasnât just a cheesy vampire movie. Did I know at the time that a handful of years later I would actually be dating a vampire? No, it definitely wasnât on my lifeâs âbingoâ card. I didnât even believe vampires were a real thingâŚnot until Max Phillips walked into my life.Â
âBut they do, I mean not like thatâŚbut yours doâÂ
He shakes his head, âthey stay this awful shade of brownâŚthey always have beenâ he kisses the top of my head before I turn to look up at him
âThey are always brown, yes, but sometimes they are lighter. They have a honey color to them, sometimes they have a speckle of gold to them especially when you look at me and tell me you love me. Then, sometimesâŚwhen you are just about to ya know, they are almost black.â my hand holding on to his broad shoulder, he stares down at me and I see that little fleck of gold I was just telling him about. I scrunch my face, trying to hold back a sneeze but it doesnât work. I have been holding it back for too long.Â
I closed my eyes, and sneezed all over his face before I could get my elbow up to cover my nose. I open my eyes to Max's face, something between annoyed and shocked that I actually sneezed on him.Â
âYou sneezedâ he comments
âThanks, I didnât realize that's what I didâ I roll my eyes at him âwait, you canât say it can you? You canât say bless youâŚâ he shakes his head no, âyou canât say God either can you?âÂ
âNo, I canât say it, but I sure as hell can make you scream itâŚjust before mineâ he smirks, pulling away from me and going back to watching the movie
âMaxâŚgrossâ I shake my head, wiping my nose on the sleeve of his hoodie and laying my head back on his chest. His laugh, deep makes his entire body shake and itâs moments like this. A domestic moment with him that makes me forget he's a vampire.Â
I had fallen asleep at some point, waking up to a dark room. Max had laid me down on the couch, a blanket wrapped around my body. My back pressed up against his chest, the thick, warm blanket between us. The final scenes playing out in front of us. Edward and Bella sharing a dance. He leans her back, his lips moving to her neck. Maxâs hand resting on my hip, I can feel his lips moving against my ear. âI love you tooâŚâ he whispers
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Interview with a Vampire
A Max Phillips One-Shot
Summary: Reader is sick, a curled up on the sofa while Max is at work, little did she know he'd surprise her coming home early while 'Twilight' is on TV
Words: 1962
Rating: E for EVERYONE --Its a lot of fluff-
Warnings/Triggers: Max is a vampire, he's kinda of an asshole, but its mostly fluffy, mentions of the movie Twilight, mention of sex and God...nothing really to bad. No mentions of reader descriptions, but it is written in first person from a female.
It's Friday the 13th it felt like a good day to share a Max Phillips story, something I wrote quickly to help get out of my writers block. And thanks to @musings-of-a-rose-writes for reading it before I posted ;)
**Just like ao3, âcreator chooses not to use warnings.â If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that youâre the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **
The perks of being sick, besides the fact I donât have to go to work. I get to snuggle into my boyfriend's old Princeton hoodie while having my lower half burrioted in a fuzzy blanket. Iâm laying on the way over-priced leather couch that he just had to have. âItâs classy sweetheart, and I am a classy man," he had said when the delivery guys dropped it off in his great room. Iâm warm in the little cocoon Iâve created and my eyes slowly close and I drift off for yet another nap.Â
My senses start to come too when I feel the fuzzy fabric moving, the feeling of his large hand rubbing the soft fabric up and down my calves that are now draped over his lap. I slowly blink awake, glancing at the wall clock on the far wall, itâs too early for him to be home. The sun has just started to descend. I stare at his sharp profile. The strong jaw, his Romanesque nose, and those pouty lips. Those lips that should be a sin to be able to kiss. I mean, technically they are a sin. He is a sin. He is the definition of sinful.Â
I turn my head seeing that Twilight happened to be the movie playing. His eyes focused on the images moving in front of him. He hated vampire movies, always complaining about how Hollywood portrays them. I see the remote sitting on the coffee table, in the same spot I left it. I lean forward reaching for it when his hand snatches it before I can even lift my arm.Â
âNow, baby girlâŚâ he says, smirking and raising an eyebrow looking at me, âBella is just about to tell Eddie boy what he isâ
Maximus Phillips, senior sales manager, my boyfriendâŚand a vampire. Now you see, dating my boss was never part of my plans. And dating a vampire definitely wasnât on my life BINGO card, but here we are.Â
âMax, give me the remoteâ I sniffle, sitting up and pulling my legs away from him
âBut this is the best partâ he puts his arm around me, pulling me close, rubbing his nose along my neck before placing a kiss to my pulse point
He is trying to distract me, and god damn itâŚitâs working. He sucks on the delicate skin he can reach. His hand sliding up my arm, his fingers grip at the material and pull it out of his way. A little nip has me meaning his name. âMmmm Maaaaxâ, he nips at my skin again, and I feel him smile. Knowing Max it is probably more of a smirk. His hand slides around my throat, keeping me in place âshit foooooocmmmcusâ I think, as I wrap my fingers around his wristÂ
âI know what you areâ
âWhat are we baby girl?â Max asks, he sharp teeth grazing against my skin
My free hand grips his thigh, waiting for him to sink his fangs into me. âA vampireâŚâ I say in unison with the movie.Â
âThatâs rightâ he presses his lips against my skin
I open my eyes and see remote sitting next to him, I slide my fingers up, lacing them with his. I run my hand up his thigh, leaning into him more. Hoping and praying that he is still laser focused on my neck. My hand flies from his leg to reach for the remote. Before I can even realize what happened he is sitting on the lazy-boy, remote in hand. Almost teasing me with it.Â
âYou gotta be quicker than that baby girlâ he smirks. Turning his attention back to the movie.Â
âMax, please. Can we just watch something elseâ I begÂ
I watch Max, he throws his head back in laughter shaking his head as Edward sparkles in the sunlight. âThis is the skin of a killerâ the TV says, he laughs at that even harder. âThis movie is full of liesâÂ
âArenât they all?â I groan. I knew this was going to happen, I didnât mean to fall asleep. But really this is all his fault, he came home earlyÂ
âI donât fucking sparkle in the sunlight, in fact I donât know a single vampire that doesâÂ
âWell yeah, because you turn into a pile of dustâ I smile at him
âHow many bad vampire movies have you seen?â He questions, taking off his dark charcoal suit jacket, setting it over the armrest âI donât turn into a pile of dust, and I donât catch on fire eitherâ
âThe daylight ring protects thatâ I watch as he stands, undoing the knot Iâm his red tie, and pulling it from around his neck. He drops it into my lap, walking to the covered floor to ceiling windows on the far side of the room, âMaxâŚMax, what are you doing?âÂ
âShowing you what happens to me in the sunlightâ pushing a few buttons on the wall, the dark blinds begin to rise, letting the setting sunlight fill the room.Â
He starts to unbutton his white dress shirt. He stands in the middle of the windowsl, letting the sun hit his entire body. My eyes are locked on to him. His fingers slowly finish unbuttoning his shirt, ânow sweetheart, I want you to watchâŚâ he slides the silver ring off his finger. It makes a clink when it hits the hardwood floor beneath him.Â
âMax, donâtâŚyou donât have to do thisâÂ
I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. I mean he wouldnât put himself in danger of melting, burning, turning into dust or wax..no wait thatâs a witch. He gives a wicked small, while he lets the shirt fall to the ground. I sit and wait, and watch. Heâs rightâŚnothing happened. No sparkles, no smoke, no turning to dust.Â
âI told you baby girl, nothing was going to happen to Daddyâ he smirks.
âDonât call yourself that, itâs weirdâ I say, watching as he bends down to pick up his ring. He slides it back on his finger before picking up his shirt. Thereâs a faint glimmer from where the sun was hitting his back. I cough, trying to hold back my laughter. I end up coughing harder than I probably should have.Â
Max is sitting next to me in the blink of an eye. A hand rubbing up and down my back. âSweetheart, are you ok? Baby?â
âIâmâŚcough..okâ I get out finallyÂ
Max pulls me close, pulling my legs over his lap as I snuggle into his chest. The sun had warmed him slightly. He was never ice cold to the touch but his body was always cooler than mine. Never even breaking a sweat when we fooled around. I turn my head up to look at him, I barely open my mouth âand no, I canât read your mindâ I swear I could almost hear his eye roll
âBut, you just didâ I smile, resting my head on his chest, âthe movie does have one thing rightâ
âThat we vampireâs are incredibly sexyâÂ
Itâs my turn to roll my eyes. Confidence was something he didnât lack. Nope, not one bit. Maximus Phillips knew he was attractive and he made sure everyone knew it too âitâs part of my charmâ he would always say. I lace my fingers with his and set them on my lap. âI was going to say moodyâŚâ I grin turning my head to look at him, âbut, sure sexy weeks tooâ
He frees his hand from mine, tucking his fingers under my jaw tilting my head up. He slowly brings my lips towards his. His eyes looking into mine, his tongue darting outs, quickly wetting his lips. A sinfully playful smile before they crash onto mine. It starts slow, gentle; his hand slowly moving to wrap around my neck. Licking the seam of my lips I let him in before quickly pulling back, âitâs alright babyâŚI canât get sickâŚrememberâÂ
And he says he canât read my mind. His thumb brushing the delicate skin just below my ear. I close my eyes and look down at our joined hands. Max leans forward, resting his forehead against mine.Â
âYou sure you canât find minds?â I sigh
âMaybe, just yoursâ he shrugs grinning from ear to ear
He places a quick kiss on my check and returns to watching the movie. I put my head back on his chest, his hand on my thigh. His thumb gently rubbing soothing circles while his other hand rubs my arm up and down. Itâs gentle moments like this that I forget who and what he is, a man who can flip and switch. A man who is incredibly capable of snapping my neck with just a flick of his wrist if he wanted.Â
âUghâŚâ he throws his head back, groaning and yet another vampire cliche âour eyes donât change colors. They especially donât change based on what we eat. Baby, why do you watch this crap?â it wasnât a question thoughÂ
It was a good question, I donât really know why. Maybe because it was nostalgia, maybe it was because at the time, I thought it wasnât just a cheesy vampire movie. Did I know at the time that a handful of years later I would actually be dating a vampire? No, it definitely wasnât on my lifeâs âbingoâ card. I didnât even believe vampires were a real thingâŚnot until Max Phillips walked into my life.Â
âBut they do, I mean not like thatâŚbut yours doâÂ
He shakes his head, âthey stay this awful shade of brownâŚthey always have beenâ he kisses the top of my head before I turn to look up at him
âThey are always brown, yes, but sometimes they are lighter. They have a honey color to them, sometimes they have a speckle of gold to them especially when you look at me and tell me you love me. Then, sometimesâŚwhen you are just about to ya know, they are almost black.â my hand holding on to his broad shoulder, he stares down at me and I see that little fleck of gold I was just telling him about. I scrunch my face, trying to hold back a sneeze but it doesnât work. I have been holding it back for too long.Â
I closed my eyes, and sneezed all over his face before I could get my elbow up to cover my nose. I open my eyes to Max's face, something between annoyed and shocked that I actually sneezed on him.Â
âYou sneezedâ he comments
âThanks, I didnât realize that's what I didâ I roll my eyes at him âwait, you canât say it can you? You canât say bless youâŚâ he shakes his head no, âyou canât say God either can you?âÂ
âNo, I canât say it, but I sure as hell can make you scream itâŚjust before mineâ he smirks, pulling away from me and going back to watching the movie
âMaxâŚgrossâ I shake my head, wiping my nose on the sleeve of his hoodie and laying my head back on his chest. His laugh, deep makes his entire body shake and itâs moments like this. A domestic moment with him that makes me forget he's a vampire.Â
I had fallen asleep at some point, waking up to a dark room. Max had laid me down on the couch, a blanket wrapped around my body. My back pressed up against his chest, the thick, warm blanket between us. The final scenes playing out in front of us. Edward and Bella sharing a dance. He leans her back, his lips moving to her neck. Maxâs hand resting on my hip, I can feel his lips moving against my ear. âI love you tooâŚâ he whispers
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I have been staring at a blank screen for what feels like hours now. I have free time to write, and nothing is happening.
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@casa-boiardi @harriedandharassed @heythere-mel @theewokingdead @musings-of-a-rose
It Was Just A Dream
Chapter Three
Summary: Going back to work was easy, hearing that Alex has a date is not. Frankie spirals at the news, and what happens next could change the friendship.Â
Words: 7,591
Rating: 18+ Adult Themes
Warnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
Thank you to @theewokingdead for the beta
**This is written as a first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold
Frankie Morales, 25, a talented pilot, Army Vet and now sticker enthusiast. I donât think I have ever spent so much time in the sticker aisle. Weâve been here for at least an hour and I am sure the pile of stickers in the basket are already at fifty bucks. But I canât help it, heâs excited, heâs smiling and I see the old Frankie. The Frankie before he got hurt.Â
âLexâŚLexi they have vampire teeth!â he races over to me dropping the stickers into the cart joining the helicopters, military helicopters, cats, cat paws and of course who could forget catfish. And because that wasnât enough he added tropical fish to the pile as well.Â
âIâve created a monsterâ I sigh to myself. I start to think this crazy thrown together idea might actually work. Iâve never been in his shoes. I donât know what he deals with, what he has dealt with. But I do know a reward system works. It works for the kids who come into the doctor's office. Get the shot, get a sticker or a sucker depending on the doctor.Â
Frankie walks back towards me with one more package of stickers, fire trucks. I look at him and he just shrugs, the other stickers made sense. They all fit him; cat, fish, helicopters, âwhat?â He shrugs âwhen I was a kid, I thought about being a firefighterâ
âYouâve always wanted to help people?â I askÂ
He pulls the brim of his worn out baseball cap and drapes his arm over my shoulder, a small nod. Over the years I have been able to learn his mannerisms and his âI donât want to talk about itâ look. This was that look. Hat pulled down, eyes on his feet, biting his bottom lip.Â
âThink we have enough?â I ask quickly changing the subject
âMaybeâ his voice still softÂ
15 packages of stickers and $50 dollars later, I hope this plan works. I know he is going to have to eventually go to classes, especially when that voice gets loud. But itâs day four and I still have some hope. We stop for some takeout. Pizza, it was quick, easy and who doesnât love a good slice of pizza.Â
I lean back on the couch, Frankie finishing his slice and pushes his plate away. He picked the movie tonightâŚhis choice of movie completely shocked me. The final scenes of âBridesmaidsâ starts to play, as the two characters start to sing âHold Onâ. Frankie leaning against the arm rest. His hand tapping against his leg as he hums along. I canât help the smile on my face as I watch him. He slowly starts to sing the words. Quiet at first until that first chorus hits. Â
ââŚthings will go your way, if you hold one for one more dayâŚâ he sings along, eyes closed fully in the moment.Â
I will be fully honest with you. When I told Frankie he could pick the movie tonight. I was expecting Top Gun, Saving Private Ryan, maybe even Green Mile. I never would have guessed that he liked the RomCom genre. I turn to face him, he has my attention as he continues to sing. Itâs only when I giggle that he opens his eyes and looks at me.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âNothing,â I smile. It was cute, he was relaxed, he for another brief moment was the old Frankie. I want to keep him like this âuhm so you know I start work tomorrowâÂ
âI knowâ he sighs. He sounded disappointedÂ
âCan I have your phone?â I askÂ
Without hesitation he reaches into his pocket and hands it over to me. I touch the screen and it lights up with what else but a helicopter as his photo. I touch the screen again and enter in the passcode âitâs your birthdayâ I hear him say.Â
âI knowâ I look up and smile at him.Â
I asked him once, why it was my birthday. Instead of his girlfriends, or hisâŚor literally any other four digits he could have picked. I donât want to forget your day, he said. He rubs the back of his neck, a tell that he doesnât know what to say next.Â
Sheâs right, itâs been her birthday since the day I met her. She was one of the few who listened when I talked. Cared how I was feeling, she was the only one to send me care packages and letters when I was away. My own girlfriend never sent me a care package.Â
I watch, she has her tongue peeking out of her slightly parted lips. She was concentrating, she looked beautiful, but she always did. I donât know why I handed my phone over so willingly. But the truth is, I would do anything she asked me to. Iâd take a bullet for her with no hesitation.Â
âAh-ha, there it isâ she says and I canât keep his eyes off her.Â
âWhat are you doing?â I finally asks
I watch as her finger slides up the screen, âdeleting your friend Georgeâ she responds matter of factly. âFrankie, I trust you. I do. But you're going to be alone. I justâŚI donât want you to feel like you need to contact himâÂ
She was right, smart even. It had been a few weeks since I had talked to âGeorgeâ. But I didnât think she knew how easy it would be for me to get something if I needed it. George wasnât his only source. I didnât want to use, I wanted to be better. But the struggle of staying clean was getting harder as the drugs left my system every day.Â
âAnd Iâm adding my work number incase you canât get me on my cellâ she clicks the button on the side of the phone and hands it back over. âI also thinkâŚit might be good to find a class or two to go to while Iâm at workâÂ
âYou donât want me to be aloneâ I groan. The mere thought of having to go around in a âshare your feelingâ circle had me panicking. I watch as Steveâs name flashes across the screen asking if he has been ok. Itâs been well over a month since I had texted him for a supply. And no, despite my best efforts he wasnât okÂ
âYou know you could always call Nicoleâ I donât know why I said that, I really donât want him to call her, âsheâs a nurse at a rehab facility. She would know what to doâ she would and thatâs what I hate the most. She would know how to help him in more ways than oneÂ
âLex, you know you can have meaningless sex with someone. You donât have to like the personâŚâÂ
I pretend to be shocked by his statement. My number was a lot smaller than Frankieâs. Ok he probably had double maybe triple the partners than me. I know you donât have to be in love with the person, I know you donât even need to know their name. But call me old school, I like to have it mean something.Â
âYeah, I know that, but thanks for reminding meâ the words sound a lot harsher than I intended. âLook, Iâm just saying you're going to be on your own, and Iâm proud of how far youâve come. But I donât know what Iâm doing and I donât want to worry.âÂ
I remember the day I found him slouched at the picnic table. If I would have been a few more minutes we might not be sitting here right now. I really donât want to think what would happen if I donât get to him in time and he ODâs while I'm at work.Â
I keep checking my phone to see the time. My body is at work, and I am going through the motions, checking patients in. Answering phones. But my mind, my mind is at home with Frankie. I wonder what he is doing. Has he had lunch, did he take a shower, did he change? Did he do a line of coke, did he call Nicole?Â
I reach for my phone when the bell on the door chimes. My head still down when Laura elbows me in the rubs and I look up seeing a drop dead gorgeous man walk in the door. Short brown hair, styled in that way where it looks he ran his hands through it after a shower and called it good. It looked so soft. Sun-kissed skin, a Romanesque nose. Wearing a suit that fits his shoulders and muscles just right. He had a profile that romance novel authors write about.
âThatâs the new sales rep I mentionedâ Laura whispers as he walks closer to our receptionist desk
âGood afternoon ladiesâ he says with a smile that you just know gets him exactly what he wants every time. His voice is like butter, and damn can someone be attracted to a voice?
I smile at him, glancing at Laura who looks like she is about to pass outÂ
âHiâ she says, batting her eyelashes at him, âwhat did you bring us today?âÂ
âJust some new test gowns for patients. They are easier to tie when aloneâ he smiled again and I swear there is a twinkle in his eyeÂ
âOh hi, Iâm Dave. I donât think weâve met beforeâ he looks at me and I am pretty sure my heart stops with the way heâs looking at meÂ
âAlâŚAlâ why canât I remember my nameÂ
âAlexâ Laura coughs
âHiâŚhello, yeah Iâm Alex. Alexandraâ I return his smile and shake his outstretched hand. My heart beats faster as our hands touch and my face feels hotÂ
His hands are soft, gentle but strong. I donât know why but I donât want to let go of his hand. After what I am sure is an extremely awkward amount of time he is pulling his hand away. I could be imagining it, but his eyes stay locked on mine. âIt was really nice meeting you Alexandra. You ladies have a good afternoon and Iâll see you next weekâÂ
I donât say anything, I just sit there and nod like. Weirdo while Laura waves bye to Dave as he heads out the door.Â
âWho the fuck was that?â I ask once my brain starts to function againÂ
âDaveâs our new sales rep and weâre in loveâ she smiles âhe just doesnât know that yetâ she twirls her long blonde hair around her finger.Â
Laying on the couch, my hands under my head. Iâm counting the little black specks I find on the ceiling.Â
3,452
Did the day always go by this slow? It feels like itâs been 12 hoursâŚI look at the clock. Itâs been three. It wasnât even time for lunch yet. I was beyond bored, if I was in rehab I would be looking for excuses to not go to the round table therapy. Finding new ways to avoid talking, waiting for Nicole to co-I closes my eyes.Â
After a few moments I sit up and make my way to his room, still sitting on his desk untouched was the stack of pamphlets that cop gave me. I pick one up and start to look at it. âLet us guide youâ. I roll his eyes seeing a picture of a business type man, standing with his hands in his pockets in the front of a podium.Â
âNopeâ I pop the âpâ not even bothering to open it and drop it in the trash
The next one, a few men and women in military fatigues. In big bold letters, âFIND YOUR HIGHER POWERâ a class for veterans run by veterans. I rub his face, the VA rehab didnât work and this for sure wasnât gonna help. âNo, thank youâ I toss it in the trash with the other one.Â
It felt like an hour had passed, I knew she should be home soon. I looks at the clock on the night stand, it was 20 minutes. There was a small part of me that wanted a hit. Sheâs at work, sheâll never know. My hands twitch, I pick up his phone, my fingers hovering over Steveâs nameâŚ
I know I shouldnât, Iâve been trying to stay clean. I wants to stay clean, but every fiber in my being wants a little fun. A notification appears, a new text message and my heart stops for a brief moment.
I was ready for the day to be over, I wanted to go home. I wanted to check on Frankie, make sure he was doing ok. But, I still had hours to go, calling him every hour felt like I was babying him and I didnât want that, but I was also worried that being alone the temptation was going to be too much. I deleted George, but I knew he had others, I knew if he wanted it bad enough heâd find a way.Â
     Me: Hey, Howâs it going?
     Fishie đ: Have hours always ticked by this slowly?
     Me: Valid question, I donât know. But it feels like I have been here for a week, and I still have two hours left.Â
     Fishie đ: It feels like you have been gone for a year.             I need paint.
Crap, why in the hell does he need paint? What did he do?
     Me: Why? Franklin, what did you do?
     Fishie đ: I fixed the hole in the wall
     Me: Thanks, you didnât have to do that. Â
     Fishie đ: Well I am the reason there was a hole, I needed to fix it
I canât help but smile, my heart melts a little at his words. I remember that night, it was the first time I think I was scared of him, what he could do. The anger in his eyes, the way his nostrils flared. Heâs never hurt me, heâs never laid a hand on me, except for our awkward hugs. But I have never seen that look, the look of rage, horror and pain. I can honestly save itâs a look I hope to never see again. I responded telling him I will stop on my way home and I would grab some dinner for us.Â
With paint in one hand, and a bag of food in the other I walk in the door, shouting a little âhoney, Iâm homeâ kicking the door closed behind me and making my way to the kitchen to set the bag of food. He didnât respond. I donât know what I was expecting, Frankie running out and wrapping me in a hug. Frankie squealing with excitement, I donât know. Really I was expecting anything to let me know that he heard me. I set the food on the table and go in search of Frankie. Â
His bedroom light is on, I move closer but I donât hear anything. I turn to the open door and find him lying on the bed. Not sure if he is asleep, I tap on the door gently before I step in. I know it's my house and all, but he still deserves respect for his privacy and me not just walking into his room. I thought I was being quiet but his head instantly lifts up to see me walking into his room before lying down again.Â
âDo you know how many little black specks there are in this room?â he asks his voice flat
âWhat?â I look up to the ceiling, honestly I didnât even know there was black speck in the paint. I never changed the ceiling paint color when I moved in. It was white and I just kinda left it
âThere are 2,873âŚâ he says sitting up, âand there are 3,452 in the living roomâÂ
âHmmmâ I comment still looking up, what do you know if you look close enough there are little black specks
âThere are 643 in the bathroomâ he moves closer, wrapping my entire body into a bear hug, âI was really fucking bored without youâÂ
I donât know if I should smile or be seriously concerned about this. I wrap my free arm around his waist returning his hug. He took a shower today, and he smells amazing. He smells like Christmas. Cinnamon, fennel and pine. Thereâs also something so uniquely Frankie that I canât put my exact finger on it. He has clean clothes too I notice, and while the counting of the little black specks has me worried. I am proud of him for taking small steps without me telling him to shower.
âI got a surprise for youâ I grin and pull back from the hug
âMore stickers?â
âWhy donât you go to the kitchen and find outâÂ
I watch as he all but runs to the kitchen, I stay by his bedroom and he cheers when he sees the bag of Thai food on the table. âTHANK YOUâ I hear him yell. The feelings I get are indescribable, it feels like he has been living here with me for years. As each day passes I think I am falling in love with him. I canât fall in love with him, my brothers will kill me if I did.Â
âI found a NA meeting placeâŚclass?â he says putting more food on his plate
âThatâs greatâÂ
âItâs a few nights a week. The paper said I can go once a week or to all of themâÂ
Maybe having something planned in my schedule would make the day go faster. Knowing I had something to do might help my mind not think about it. I was so close to texting Steve for a few rocks. Just a fewâŚenough to get by until Benny was home again. Hell I was close to texting Nicole just to have something, or someone to do. Iâve been living with Alex for a little over a month, and while things were good I wanted to go home. Benny would give him my space, I could get fucked up and Benny would never notice. That, and I was falling for Alex. I canât fall for her, she was off limits.
âI think thatâs greatâ she smiles at him. Sheâs proud of me, the smile on her face says it all, âmaybe you can find ways to help fight the urge. Find out how I can help youâ I nod âcuz I have no fucking clue what I am doingâ
The next day wasnât any better.
Lunch had rolled around and Laura had left me alone at the desk. It was a slow day, so the workload was pretty easy. I finish up a phone call when the little bell on the door chimes letting me know someone had walked in. I love up and see Dave walking towards me, damn was he hot. I smile at him and put the phone down.
I notice he doesnât have anything in his hands this time, like he did yesterday. Maybe Laura and him were really a thing.Â
âHey Dave, Laura is at lunch if you wanna come backâÂ
âI actually came to see youâ his lips curve up, and there was that damn gleam in his eyes again
âOh?â Was the best response I could think of at the time
âSo, I know we just met and this sounds kinda crazy butâŚâ he starts
âHereâs your number so call you maybeâ the fuck was that Alex I think
He laughs, ok maybe that response wasnât as bad as I thought. Why did I become so socially awkward when a handsome man was standing in front of me and I think he was flirting.Â
âSomething like that, I was wondering if you might like to join me for dinner on Friday?â he asksÂ
Wait, is he serious? Did he just ask me out? Is this really happening? I think my brain stopped working for a few moments, then I heard his voice again âAlex?â
âYESâ I say a little to loudly, he chuckles âyes, Dave that would be greatâ
We exchanged numbers, he said heâd pick me up on Friday around 8 for dinner.Â
I stood by the front door, adjusting my hair one last time before Dave was to arrive. Frankie watched me like a hawk from the couch. Ever since I told him about my date, he had been weird. Not wanting me to leave his side when we were home. I didnât know what was going on, he was being clingy and we werenât even dating.Â
âWhere are you going?â He asks
âI have a date, I told youâ I sighÂ
âAnd your wearing that?âÂ
She was in a little black dress. The hem stopped mid thigh, it hugged every single one of her curves perfectly. The deep v-neck not leaving much to the imagination. The small strings holding it together in a complicated, twisting pattern down her back. There was no way I was going to let her be going out of the house like this. I didnât know Dave, but I didnât need to know exactly where his thoughts were going to be seeing her dressed like this. Her hair was effortlessly curly tonight, flowing like a wave down her shoulders. She looked like an angel in every sense of the word. Her makeup was simple, enhancing her beauty and I was jealous of this guy getting to take her out.Â
âYes, is there a problem?â She slips into her black stilettos that only enhanced her long toned legs
âYeah, there isâ I was angry that she was going out with this man who was probably better than me in every way. âYou look like aâŚaâŚâ I stutter
âA what Francisco?â She hears a car pulling into her driveway and she grabs her dark green leather jacket
âFuck, you just..ughâŚyou like Iike your asking for itâ I finally says and the doorbell rings
âShit, did I really just say that?â  I wanted to be Dave, he wanted to be the one taking her out for dinner. I wanted to be the one she was wearing a dress like that for. My heart has belonged to her, but I am to much of a dumbass to do anything about it
âFuck you, Iâll be back laterâ her words laced with anger as she opens the door. âHey Dave, lets goâ her voice suddenly cheerful as she slams the door closed behind her.Â
Strike twoâŚat this rate I might as well pack up my shit and leave before she gets back. She is the one working, she is the one providing for me while I sit in my room feeling sorry for myself counting stupid little black specks of paint on the ceiling. I went to one class and hated it. I reach for my phone on the coffee table
âHello?â The voice on the other end answers
âHey, wanna get fucked up tonight?â I ask
âNever thought you asked. I got some good stuff, meet at Hangers?âÂ
âYes please. Letâs do this, I need to forgetâÂ
Talking with Dave was easy. The conversation flowed and there was never an awkward moment. Dave told me about his time working for the FBI, crime scene detective but things werenât working the way he wanted to, he felt trapped and wanted something else.
âSo now you try to convince people to buy overpriced medical supplies?â I grin Â
âI can be very convincing when I want to beâ he smiles, âI convinced you to go out with meâÂ
âFairâÂ
I should be enjoying my time with this handsome man sitting in front of me, I shouldnât be thinking about Frankie. But that is exactly what is happening. Weâve had a rough few days, ever since I told him about my date that afternoon and I hate that we got into an argument before I left. Dave had asked if I wanted to go for a short walk around the lake and with my mind only half functioning I agreed to it. His fingers slowly intertwine with mine.Â
We stop in front of a little fountain with a small stringed band. A violin, a cello, and a harp play lovely music. Dave spins me and places a hand on my waist as we sway to the music. I placed a hand on his shoulder, there was a part of me that thinks he had this entire thing planned. It was too perfect, then thereâs the hopeless romantic in me that is loving every minute of it. We continue to dance as more couples join us.Â
âI use to be in a bandâ his lips brush over my ear sending a shiver down my spin
He pulls back smiling at me, my fingertips gently playing with the short hair at the nape of my neck. He leans in closer to me and I close my eyes waiting for our lips to touch when I hear the undeniable ringtone âHighway to the danger zoneâŚâ begins to play from my back pocket. Trying to ignore the call, I pull Daveâs face closer when the song begins to play again.
âShit, Iâm sorryâ I shake my head and back away from him. I donât even look at the name on the caller ID to know itâs him. âWhat do you want now?â I answer a little annoyed
âMs. Miller?âÂ
âVery funny Franklinâ I donât hear a laugh from the other end âFrankie?âÂ
âIs this Alexâ the voice says again, itâs hard to hear over the music and crowd hum in the backgroundÂ
âYes it is, is everything ok?â sudden panic washing over me
âHi, Iâm Clint, down at Handlebars, and your friend here is very intoxicated and might be on some kind of drug. But he is trying to start fights with other patrons. I do what I can to not call the cops, but maâam he is getting out of hand, and I need you to come get himâ the voice becomes clearer
âFuck,â I pinch the bridge of my nose, âIâm not close its going to be a little bit before I can get thereâÂ
âWe have him sitting outside at the moment, but if he tries to punch someone again, I will have to have the police involvedâÂ
âCan I talk to him for a minute?â I askÂ
Why was he doing this?
A couple lines of coke, two beers and a half dozen of tequila shots later I was feeling pretty damn good. I was currently in the bathroom, with some blonde chick's lips on my dick. I knew I wasnât going to last long after all the shit Iâve taken but damn did it feel good.Â
âShitâŚâ I mutter, gathering her hair in a fist behind her head, bracing myself against the sink with the other. One more deep throat by her and I was a goner. My cock still pulsing as she lets me go. Standing up, she wipes her face before leaning in giving me a sloppy kiss.Â
âThat was funâŚâ she pats my cheek, ââŚfind me again some timeâ she flips her hair back unlocking the door she steps out leaving me alone. Pants still around his ankles, heart racing as I try to catch my breath.Â
I reach over and locks the door, grabbing a paper towel I turn on the water and clean myself up. I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes red with dark circles below them. I look like I had aged 15 years from just this morning. I should be feeling great, I finally had cocaine back in my system, I was buzzed, and I just got a free blow job from Kitty? Maybe that was her name. Frankly I didnât care, I also forgot the minute her lips touched mine. The only thing I could think about was how disappointed Alex was going to be in me. I should go home.Â
I step out of the bathroom and make the trek back to the bar next to Steve. Walking past the set of pool tables I stumble into a big burly biker. Leather vests, tattooed arms, a bandanna wrapped around his head with a long salt and pepper beard.Â
âWatch where your walkingâ the man gruntsÂ
âMake me fuckerâ I slurÂ
The large man shoves me from behind making me stumble into a table full of empty glasses. I turn around, bringing my fist back. I go to punch the man who shoved me. My hand moved slowly then my brain was working and the large biker threw his own punch hitting me on the check. A gash opens along my cheek and blood begins to flow. A bouncer steps in pulling us apart. He drags me outside, and sets me on a bench around the corner of the building.Â
Steve is nowhere to be found and now a young punk looking kid is yelling at me for disturbing the peace inside his bar. Demanding me to give him my phone before threatening to get the police involved. Begrudgingly I unlock the phone and hand it over.Â
âMs. Millerâ I hear him sayÂ
ShitâŚstrike three.Â
The man handed me my phone back, I shoved it in his pocket. And with that he was gone leaving me alone with the bouncer. I lean back, head hitting the brick wall behind me. The high I was feeling moments ago, now fading realizing that there is a 95% chance that Alex was not going to forgive me.Â
âThanks, I am so sorryâ I unbuckle my seatbelt
âAre you going to be ok?â Dave asks placing a hand on top of my thigh
I take a deep sigh, honestly I didnât know. I was having fun, it was turning out to be a good night, then Frankie called. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was upset. But I donât want to drag Dave down with me. I turn my head to face him, giving him a quick kiss to his check.Â
âYeah, Iâll be good. Thank you againâ I say opening the doorÂ
âCall me when you get homeâ I nod and close the door.Â
I walked into the bar, stopped by a burly man who I guessed was a bouncer. âCan I help you?â He asksÂ
âYeah Iâm looking for uhm Cliff? Clint maybeâŚthe owner he has my friendâ I couldnât remember the name of the man now that I was here. Hurt, anger, disappointment so many emotions and I was going to have to keep them in check when I got to Frankie. Clearly being the âfriendâ wasnât working and I was going to need a different approach.Â
âAre you Mrs. Miller?â The bouncer asksÂ
âMs. but yesâÂ
âOutside, to the right. Let him know heâs now allowed back. Gary doesnât want to press charges but your friend is trespassed from hereâÂ
âPress charges? Heâs trespassed? Fuck what did he do?â My thoughts are racing, did I really want to know. He had been in a mood since I told him about my date, and yet here I am recusing him yet again.Â
I walk back outside and look to the right, not seeing right away. I walk down to the edge of the building and turn the corner, finding him sitting on a beat up wooden bench with a large man acting like a bodyguard. He was the size of a tree, his arms were massive and Iâm fairly sure he could squish someone like a bug if he wanted to.Â
Frankie in his usual tan colored Carhartt jacket, his favorite black baseball cap pulled down low. He turns my direction when he hears my heels on the pebbles. He has a long gash on his left cheek, dried blood under it. He continues to sit there, more anger floods my veins.Â
âThere she is, thereâs my goalâÂ
I stop in front of him, my arms crossed over my body. This is where the relationship changes, I will no longer be sweet, itâs time to lay down the law and get his ass clean.Â
âGet upâ my voice is stern
He doesnât move, he continues to sit there. A small smile pulling on his lips, acting as if he isnât a complete fucking disaster. He raises his arms and makes grabby hands, beckoning me to come help him. I shake my head no.Â
âGet the fuck up Moralesâ I cross my arms, he needs to know Iâm upset and his little act isnât going to help me. I swear I hear the tree of man chuckle at the situation playing out in front of him.Â
âHelp Meâ he turns his head looking at me with this sad puppy eyes, this eyes he knows I canât say no to
âNo. You got into this, now get upâ I am trying to not break, but he knows what to do to get me to breakÂ
Groaning, he places his hands on the edge of the bench and pushes himself up. He sways where he is standing. He looks at his feet, his mind willing his feet to move. Putting his left food in front of the right and he stumbles. Before thinking I move to him. My heels make us the same height and easier for him to lean against me. Wrapping his arm over my shoulder I wrap mine around his waist. Adjust his hold on me he leans his head against mine, âI knew youâd catch meâ he slursÂ
âYouâre on thin ice Francisco, donât push itâ I groan as he leans all his weight into me
âIâm Cielitoâ he says softly
âWhereâd you park?â I ask, my hand readjusting around his hip as he holds me like a cutch and we stumble in the parking lotÂ
He shrugs, âdonât rememberâ his face is towards me, I scrunch my face as he reeks of alcoholÂ
After what feels like an hour of wandering around this parking lot, his truck finally comes into view, of course Frankie would be back in the back, in the middle of nowhere. Sighing a âthank godâ, I hope he didnât hear. I stop by the passenger door, and I lean him against it, praying that he doesnât fall. Reaching into his coat pocket I pull out the keys and unlock the door. I grab him by the waist and turn his body into the truck.Â
âYou could at least by me dinner firstâ he chuckles adjusting his body in the car
âShut up Francisco, you still have the first aid kit in here?â I ask looking under the front seat before moving to the back
Before Frankie can answer I pull out a little red box, his head leaning against the headrest. I watch as he struggles to keep his eyes open. With the first aid open, I rip open the wet-nap. I take his chin and gently turn his head towards me so I can see what I am doing better. The street lamp offers minimal light. I clean the dried blood on his cheek, and expect the gash. Tossing that at Frankieâs feet, I grab a towel from the kit and as carefully as I can dap the area dry. He flinches in pain. Finally I open the antibiotic cream, and rub a line of it over the cut hoping to keep it clean for the moment.
âIt doesnât look like you need stitchesâ I tell him, âwhat the fuck happened?â
âI got punchedâ he mumbles âassholeâ
âYeah, I can see you got punched, what did you do?â I ask again
âHe shoved me, then I tried to punch him and he hit firstâ he rolls his eyes âare you mad?âÂ
Honestly, I didnât know anymore. I was angry at him. I thought we were doing well, but that just proved to me this little sticker thing was a dumb idea from the start. I was sad, I was hurt, disappointed, but with all these feelings, the word mad didnât come up anymore. I was worried about him.Â
âI donât knowâŚâ I turn his body forward, reaching behind him I grab the seat belt and lean over his body to hook it in. âI really donât know anymoreâ I sigh and close the doorÂ
The drive home was silent, he had his head against the window and I couldnât tell if he was asleep, or just trying to ignore me. He tried to tell me how unsafe driving barefoot was, but driving with those heels and this truck was more dangerous than whatever gross shit was on his floor. Â
âHow much did you drink?â I ask
âA couple beers, half dozen shots of tequilaâŚâ he pauses, âalsoâŚdid a few hits of cokeâÂ
âFrankieâŚâ I sigh
Before I can ask him, he begins to tell me he didnât mean to. He wanted to forget, he wanted to numb the pain. He didnât know what else to do, so he called a friend. They did a few lines, then went into the bar. I know I shouldnât, but I feel guilty. I feel like his slip is my fault. Maybe I shouldnât have gone on a date. Work was one thing, but me going on a date made me feel worse. I wasnât there when he needed me. Â
âAre you mad?â I ask again, but he doesnât look at her, he canât handle it.Â
I wasnât worried about her being mad. No, mad I could handle that. However, the answer she gave me, thatâs the answer that hurts the most. Disappointment, it was worse than being mad or angry. I could work with those. But, disappointment was the worst. I was now at rock bottom. I shake my head, and lean against the window. Closing my eyes and praying they wouldnât re-open.Â
I feel her hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me âhey sleepy head. Time to wake up, weâre homeâÂ
I groan and lean further into the door trying to escape her touch. My eyes stay closed âsleepy time hereâÂ
âYou arenât sleeping in your truck, letâs get inside. You think you can help me?â She asks
âOomppfâ I groans, when the door Iâm leaning against opens, the seat belt doing its job and keeping me up right in the car
Alex reaches into the truck and unhooks the seatbelt, grabbing my hands and she helps me slide out of the truck. She draps one of my arms over her shoulder, and wraps one around my waist, letting me lean against her. Our height difference isnât much, but she is supporting most of my weight.Â
âStepâŚâ she says and I lift a foot. The two of us stumble up the steps and my head is hurting. I really wish she would have just left me in the truck.Â
We stop at the door, my arm moves, readjusting my grip holding on to her. Standing at the front door holding on to me with one hand, while the other fumbles with his keys trying to find the house key. I know I shouldnât laugh but watching her struggle makes me chuckle.Â
âOh you think this is funny do you?â Sheâs frustrated and I just made it worse
I knew laughing was bad, but I couldn't help it when she was still struggling with the keys. She turned her focus to me, eyes narrow as she glares. She was cute when she was flustered. I press my lips together. Trying to hold back another laugh. It didnât work as my eyes locked on to her and I snorted and laughed more. Laugh lines forming at the corner of my eyes I knew I was breaking her down and it would be impossible for her to stay mad at me.Â
âIf I let you go, you're not gonna fall are you?â She asks, her voice something between concern and anger. I just shrug, I probably would fall but she doesnât need to know the truthÂ
Annoyed with my answer she sighs. I moved closer to her, she was warm, despite her anger and frustration with me. She was safe. She felt like home. I lean against her still struggling with the door. Finally, after a ten minute fight with the door she gets it opened. We stumble into the dark house. Thankfully getting the door locked on the inside was a much easier battle.Â
âAlright Franklin, letâs get you to bedâÂ
My hallway is definitely not big enough for two people to walk side by side especially when one of the people is drunk. I try to position myself in front of Frankie, both his arms over my shoulders as his chest rests against my back.Â
We reach his room and I move him towards his bed. I turn him and help him sit down. His hat had fallen off someone along the journey into his room. I slide off his jacket, turning to hang it in the chair. In slow motion Frankie begins to fall back âno..noâŚnoâ I grab his arm just in time keeping him up right on the bed. If he fell backwards I knew trying to undress him would be impossible. Â
âOk arms upâ I say, he follows my order and lifts his arms above his head.Â
âSo bossyâ he mumbles as I take the shirt off and toss it towards his dirty laundry pile.Â
My hands rest on his broad shoulders. The muscle definition is still very evident in his biceps. I pray he doesnât notice my eyes wander down his bare chest, briefly holding at his tattoo. Iâve never really looked at it this close.Â
His hands reach for the hem of my dress, slowly beginning to lift it higher on my thigh. âYouâre turnâ he says before I catch his wristsÂ
âYouâre drunkâ I say softly and he shrugs
âDidnât stop some peopleâÂ
Iâm sure it didnât, Frankie never had a problem getting girls, but I donât know thinking about him being with others makes me slightly jealous, I shake my head and let go of his wrists.Â
I bend down in front of him, his hands resting on my shoulders as I untie his shoes. He takes the hint and works with me to get his shoes off. I start to stand up, âwhat about my pants?â he almost falls forward giggling. Good to know he still thinks this is funny âI donât like pantsâÂ
I roll my eyes and lean forward reaching for his belt buckle. I undo it and the button to his jeans. He falls back lifting his hips just enough for me to slide them off tossing it with the shirt. âThere, are you happy?âÂ
He shuffles under the sheets, before I can go he grabs my hand âstay?â He asks. I donât even have to look at him to know the look heâs giving me. Batting his eyes, his bottom lip quivers, using his big brown eyes to his advantageÂ
âFrankie, I canâtâŚâ I sighÂ
âPlease?âÂ
I squeeze her hand, he doesnât want to be alone. âJust till I fall asleep?â I addÂ
âFine, just tell you fall asleepâ I watch as she slides off her leather jacket and sets it on the back of my chair. Turning the light off, she shuffled back to me
I slide back, giving her enough room to lay down. Iâm on my side, has my arm out. She lays down using my one arm as a pillow and I drape the other over her. She pulls the cover up. My hand resting on her hip. I lean into her resting my forehead against her temple breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo. Hints of cherry and strawberry fill my senses. It smells like summer, it smells like home.Â
Her hand rubs up and down my forearm in a soothing fashion. I feel so comfortable with her here. Itâs where I want to keep her.Â
âHeâs not good enough for youâ I say softlyÂ
âWhat?â She twists her head to look at me
My eyes open to see hers staring at me, âYour date tonightâÂ
âYou donât even know himâ she sighsÂ
âNo one will be good enough for you Alexâ I grip her tighter pulling her closer to me. I lean in closer to her. I want to kiss her, I want her to know how I feel. As much as I donât think the guy she went out with today isnât good enough, I know Iâm not good enough either.Â
She sighs again, turning her head to stare at the ceiling. Her finger tips brush over my skin. My thumb strokes her hip over her black dress. A black dress I wished was on the floor.Â
I lift his head, leaning closer. I stick out my tongue and lick the side of her face. From check to temple. When her hands go still on my arm, but donât move away I smile and lay my head back down.Â
Twisting her head to look at me, I watch as she smiles back at me. My smile widens, I know my dimple appears and she shakes her head, âdid you just lick me?âÂ
âI didâŚâ I sigh and close my eyes again. Sleep just on the horizon. I hear her ask me why, âto say your mine. Like when you like something when your a kid you donât want someone else to haveâÂ
âFrankieâ she sighsÂ
âYouâre too good for himâ and by him - I really meant myself.Â
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
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Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters
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It Was Just A Dream
Chapter Three
Summary: Going back to work was easy, hearing that Alex has a date is not. Frankie spirals at the news, and what happens next could change the friendship.Â
Words: 7,591
Rating: 18+ Adult Themes
Warnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
Thank you to @theewokingdead for the beta
**This is written as a first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold
Frankie Morales, 25, a talented pilot, Army Vet and now sticker enthusiast. I donât think I have ever spent so much time in the sticker aisle. Weâve been here for at least an hour and I am sure the pile of stickers in the basket are already at fifty bucks. But I canât help it, heâs excited, heâs smiling and I see the old Frankie. The Frankie before he got hurt.Â
âLexâŚLexi they have vampire teeth!â he races over to me dropping the stickers into the cart joining the helicopters, military helicopters, cats, cat paws and of course who could forget catfish. And because that wasnât enough he added tropical fish to the pile as well.Â
âIâve created a monsterâ I sigh to myself. I start to think this crazy thrown together idea might actually work. Iâve never been in his shoes. I donât know what he deals with, what he has dealt with. But I do know a reward system works. It works for the kids who come into the doctor's office. Get the shot, get a sticker or a sucker depending on the doctor.Â
Frankie walks back towards me with one more package of stickers, fire trucks. I look at him and he just shrugs, the other stickers made sense. They all fit him; cat, fish, helicopters, âwhat?â He shrugs âwhen I was a kid, I thought about being a firefighterâ
âYouâve always wanted to help people?â I askÂ
He pulls the brim of his worn out baseball cap and drapes his arm over my shoulder, a small nod. Over the years I have been able to learn his mannerisms and his âI donât want to talk about itâ look. This was that look. Hat pulled down, eyes on his feet, biting his bottom lip.Â
âThink we have enough?â I ask quickly changing the subject
âMaybeâ his voice still softÂ
15 packages of stickers and $50 dollars later, I hope this plan works. I know he is going to have to eventually go to classes, especially when that voice gets loud. But itâs day four and I still have some hope. We stop for some takeout. Pizza, it was quick, easy and who doesnât love a good slice of pizza.Â
I lean back on the couch, Frankie finishing his slice and pushes his plate away. He picked the movie tonightâŚhis choice of movie completely shocked me. The final scenes of âBridesmaidsâ starts to play, as the two characters start to sing âHold Onâ. Frankie leaning against the arm rest. His hand tapping against his leg as he hums along. I canât help the smile on my face as I watch him. He slowly starts to sing the words. Quiet at first until that first chorus hits. Â
ââŚthings will go your way, if you hold one for one more dayâŚâ he sings along, eyes closed fully in the moment.Â
I will be fully honest with you. When I told Frankie he could pick the movie tonight. I was expecting Top Gun, Saving Private Ryan, maybe even Green Mile. I never would have guessed that he liked the RomCom genre. I turn to face him, he has my attention as he continues to sing. Itâs only when I giggle that he opens his eyes and looks at me.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âNothing,â I smile. It was cute, he was relaxed, he for another brief moment was the old Frankie. I want to keep him like this âuhm so you know I start work tomorrowâÂ
âI knowâ he sighs. He sounded disappointedÂ
âCan I have your phone?â I askÂ
Without hesitation he reaches into his pocket and hands it over to me. I touch the screen and it lights up with what else but a helicopter as his photo. I touch the screen again and enter in the passcode âitâs your birthdayâ I hear him say.Â
âI knowâ I look up and smile at him.Â
I asked him once, why it was my birthday. Instead of his girlfriends, or hisâŚor literally any other four digits he could have picked. I donât want to forget your day, he said. He rubs the back of his neck, a tell that he doesnât know what to say next.Â
Sheâs right, itâs been her birthday since the day I met her. She was one of the few who listened when I talked. Cared how I was feeling, she was the only one to send me care packages and letters when I was away. My own girlfriend never sent me a care package.Â
I watch, she has her tongue peeking out of her slightly parted lips. She was concentrating, she looked beautiful, but she always did. I donât know why I handed my phone over so willingly. But the truth is, I would do anything she asked me to. Iâd take a bullet for her with no hesitation.Â
âAh-ha, there it isâ she says and I canât keep his eyes off her.Â
âWhat are you doing?â I finally asks
I watch as her finger slides up the screen, âdeleting your friend Georgeâ she responds matter of factly. âFrankie, I trust you. I do. But you're going to be alone. I justâŚI donât want you to feel like you need to contact himâÂ
She was right, smart even. It had been a few weeks since I had talked to âGeorgeâ. But I didnât think she knew how easy it would be for me to get something if I needed it. George wasnât his only source. I didnât want to use, I wanted to be better. But the struggle of staying clean was getting harder as the drugs left my system every day.Â
âAnd Iâm adding my work number incase you canât get me on my cellâ she clicks the button on the side of the phone and hands it back over. âI also thinkâŚit might be good to find a class or two to go to while Iâm at workâÂ
âYou donât want me to be aloneâ I groan. The mere thought of having to go around in a âshare your feelingâ circle had me panicking. I watch as Steveâs name flashes across the screen asking if he has been ok. Itâs been well over a month since I had texted him for a supply. And no, despite my best efforts he wasnât okÂ
âYou know you could always call Nicoleâ I donât know why I said that, I really donât want him to call her, âsheâs a nurse at a rehab facility. She would know what to doâ she would and thatâs what I hate the most. She would know how to help him in more ways than oneÂ
âLex, you know you can have meaningless sex with someone. You donât have to like the personâŚâÂ
I pretend to be shocked by his statement. My number was a lot smaller than Frankieâs. Ok he probably had double maybe triple the partners than me. I know you donât have to be in love with the person, I know you donât even need to know their name. But call me old school, I like to have it mean something.Â
âYeah, I know that, but thanks for reminding meâ the words sound a lot harsher than I intended. âLook, Iâm just saying you're going to be on your own, and Iâm proud of how far youâve come. But I donât know what Iâm doing and I donât want to worry.âÂ
I remember the day I found him slouched at the picnic table. If I would have been a few more minutes we might not be sitting here right now. I really donât want to think what would happen if I donât get to him in time and he ODâs while I'm at work.Â
I keep checking my phone to see the time. My body is at work, and I am going through the motions, checking patients in. Answering phones. But my mind, my mind is at home with Frankie. I wonder what he is doing. Has he had lunch, did he take a shower, did he change? Did he do a line of coke, did he call Nicole?Â
I reach for my phone when the bell on the door chimes. My head still down when Laura elbows me in the rubs and I look up seeing a drop dead gorgeous man walk in the door. Short brown hair, styled in that way where it looks he ran his hands through it after a shower and called it good. It looked so soft. Sun-kissed skin, a Romanesque nose. Wearing a suit that fits his shoulders and muscles just right. He had a profile that romance novel authors write about.
âThatâs the new sales rep I mentionedâ Laura whispers as he walks closer to our receptionist desk
âGood afternoon ladiesâ he says with a smile that you just know gets him exactly what he wants every time. His voice is like butter, and damn can someone be attracted to a voice?
I smile at him, glancing at Laura who looks like she is about to pass outÂ
âHiâ she says, batting her eyelashes at him, âwhat did you bring us today?âÂ
âJust some new test gowns for patients. They are easier to tie when aloneâ he smiled again and I swear there is a twinkle in his eyeÂ
âOh hi, Iâm Dave. I donât think weâve met beforeâ he looks at me and I am pretty sure my heart stops with the way heâs looking at meÂ
âAlâŚAlâ why canât I remember my nameÂ
âAlexâ Laura coughs
âHiâŚhello, yeah Iâm Alex. Alexandraâ I return his smile and shake his outstretched hand. My heart beats faster as our hands touch and my face feels hotÂ
His hands are soft, gentle but strong. I donât know why but I donât want to let go of his hand. After what I am sure is an extremely awkward amount of time he is pulling his hand away. I could be imagining it, but his eyes stay locked on mine. âIt was really nice meeting you Alexandra. You ladies have a good afternoon and Iâll see you next weekâÂ
I donât say anything, I just sit there and nod like. Weirdo while Laura waves bye to Dave as he heads out the door.Â
âWho the fuck was that?â I ask once my brain starts to function againÂ
âDaveâs our new sales rep and weâre in loveâ she smiles âhe just doesnât know that yetâ she twirls her long blonde hair around her finger.Â
Laying on the couch, my hands under my head. Iâm counting the little black specks I find on the ceiling.Â
3,452
Did the day always go by this slow? It feels like itâs been 12 hoursâŚI look at the clock. Itâs been three. It wasnât even time for lunch yet. I was beyond bored, if I was in rehab I would be looking for excuses to not go to the round table therapy. Finding new ways to avoid talking, waiting for Nicole to co-I closes my eyes.Â
After a few moments I sit up and make my way to his room, still sitting on his desk untouched was the stack of pamphlets that cop gave me. I pick one up and start to look at it. âLet us guide youâ. I roll his eyes seeing a picture of a business type man, standing with his hands in his pockets in the front of a podium.Â
âNopeâ I pop the âpâ not even bothering to open it and drop it in the trash
The next one, a few men and women in military fatigues. In big bold letters, âFIND YOUR HIGHER POWERâ a class for veterans run by veterans. I rub his face, the VA rehab didnât work and this for sure wasnât gonna help. âNo, thank youâ I toss it in the trash with the other one.Â
It felt like an hour had passed, I knew she should be home soon. I looks at the clock on the night stand, it was 20 minutes. There was a small part of me that wanted a hit. Sheâs at work, sheâll never know. My hands twitch, I pick up his phone, my fingers hovering over Steveâs nameâŚ
I know I shouldnât, Iâve been trying to stay clean. I wants to stay clean, but every fiber in my being wants a little fun. A notification appears, a new text message and my heart stops for a brief moment.
I was ready for the day to be over, I wanted to go home. I wanted to check on Frankie, make sure he was doing ok. But, I still had hours to go, calling him every hour felt like I was babying him and I didnât want that, but I was also worried that being alone the temptation was going to be too much. I deleted George, but I knew he had others, I knew if he wanted it bad enough heâd find a way.Â
     Me: Hey, Howâs it going?
     Fishie đ: Have hours always ticked by this slowly?
     Me: Valid question, I donât know. But it feels like I have been here for a week, and I still have two hours left.Â
     Fishie đ: It feels like you have been gone for a year.             I need paint.
Crap, why in the hell does he need paint? What did he do?
     Me: Why? Franklin, what did you do?
     Fishie đ: I fixed the hole in the wall
     Me: Thanks, you didnât have to do that. Â
     Fishie đ: Well I am the reason there was a hole, I needed to fix it
I canât help but smile, my heart melts a little at his words. I remember that night, it was the first time I think I was scared of him, what he could do. The anger in his eyes, the way his nostrils flared. Heâs never hurt me, heâs never laid a hand on me, except for our awkward hugs. But I have never seen that look, the look of rage, horror and pain. I can honestly save itâs a look I hope to never see again. I responded telling him I will stop on my way home and I would grab some dinner for us.Â
With paint in one hand, and a bag of food in the other I walk in the door, shouting a little âhoney, Iâm homeâ kicking the door closed behind me and making my way to the kitchen to set the bag of food. He didnât respond. I donât know what I was expecting, Frankie running out and wrapping me in a hug. Frankie squealing with excitement, I donât know. Really I was expecting anything to let me know that he heard me. I set the food on the table and go in search of Frankie. Â
His bedroom light is on, I move closer but I donât hear anything. I turn to the open door and find him lying on the bed. Not sure if he is asleep, I tap on the door gently before I step in. I know it's my house and all, but he still deserves respect for his privacy and me not just walking into his room. I thought I was being quiet but his head instantly lifts up to see me walking into his room before lying down again.Â
âDo you know how many little black specks there are in this room?â he asks his voice flat
âWhat?â I look up to the ceiling, honestly I didnât even know there was black speck in the paint. I never changed the ceiling paint color when I moved in. It was white and I just kinda left it
âThere are 2,873âŚâ he says sitting up, âand there are 3,452 in the living roomâÂ
âHmmmâ I comment still looking up, what do you know if you look close enough there are little black specks
âThere are 643 in the bathroomâ he moves closer, wrapping my entire body into a bear hug, âI was really fucking bored without youâÂ
I donât know if I should smile or be seriously concerned about this. I wrap my free arm around his waist returning his hug. He took a shower today, and he smells amazing. He smells like Christmas. Cinnamon, fennel and pine. Thereâs also something so uniquely Frankie that I canât put my exact finger on it. He has clean clothes too I notice, and while the counting of the little black specks has me worried. I am proud of him for taking small steps without me telling him to shower.
âI got a surprise for youâ I grin and pull back from the hug
âMore stickers?â
âWhy donât you go to the kitchen and find outâÂ
I watch as he all but runs to the kitchen, I stay by his bedroom and he cheers when he sees the bag of Thai food on the table. âTHANK YOUâ I hear him yell. The feelings I get are indescribable, it feels like he has been living here with me for years. As each day passes I think I am falling in love with him. I canât fall in love with him, my brothers will kill me if I did.Â
âI found a NA meeting placeâŚclass?â he says putting more food on his plate
âThatâs greatâÂ
âItâs a few nights a week. The paper said I can go once a week or to all of themâÂ
Maybe having something planned in my schedule would make the day go faster. Knowing I had something to do might help my mind not think about it. I was so close to texting Steve for a few rocks. Just a fewâŚenough to get by until Benny was home again. Hell I was close to texting Nicole just to have something, or someone to do. Iâve been living with Alex for a little over a month, and while things were good I wanted to go home. Benny would give him my space, I could get fucked up and Benny would never notice. That, and I was falling for Alex. I canât fall for her, she was off limits.
âI think thatâs greatâ she smiles at him. Sheâs proud of me, the smile on her face says it all, âmaybe you can find ways to help fight the urge. Find out how I can help youâ I nod âcuz I have no fucking clue what I am doingâ
The next day wasnât any better.
Lunch had rolled around and Laura had left me alone at the desk. It was a slow day, so the workload was pretty easy. I finish up a phone call when the little bell on the door chimes letting me know someone had walked in. I love up and see Dave walking towards me, damn was he hot. I smile at him and put the phone down.
I notice he doesnât have anything in his hands this time, like he did yesterday. Maybe Laura and him were really a thing.Â
âHey Dave, Laura is at lunch if you wanna come backâÂ
âI actually came to see youâ his lips curve up, and there was that damn gleam in his eyes again
âOh?â Was the best response I could think of at the time
âSo, I know we just met and this sounds kinda crazy butâŚâ he starts
âHereâs your number so call you maybeâ the fuck was that Alex I think
He laughs, ok maybe that response wasnât as bad as I thought. Why did I become so socially awkward when a handsome man was standing in front of me and I think he was flirting.Â
âSomething like that, I was wondering if you might like to join me for dinner on Friday?â he asksÂ
Wait, is he serious? Did he just ask me out? Is this really happening? I think my brain stopped working for a few moments, then I heard his voice again âAlex?â
âYESâ I say a little to loudly, he chuckles âyes, Dave that would be greatâ
We exchanged numbers, he said heâd pick me up on Friday around 8 for dinner.Â
I stood by the front door, adjusting my hair one last time before Dave was to arrive. Frankie watched me like a hawk from the couch. Ever since I told him about my date, he had been weird. Not wanting me to leave his side when we were home. I didnât know what was going on, he was being clingy and we werenât even dating.Â
âWhere are you going?â He asks
âI have a date, I told youâ I sighÂ
âAnd your wearing that?âÂ
She was in a little black dress. The hem stopped mid thigh, it hugged every single one of her curves perfectly. The deep v-neck not leaving much to the imagination. The small strings holding it together in a complicated, twisting pattern down her back. There was no way I was going to let her be going out of the house like this. I didnât know Dave, but I didnât need to know exactly where his thoughts were going to be seeing her dressed like this. Her hair was effortlessly curly tonight, flowing like a wave down her shoulders. She looked like an angel in every sense of the word. Her makeup was simple, enhancing her beauty and I was jealous of this guy getting to take her out.Â
âYes, is there a problem?â She slips into her black stilettos that only enhanced her long toned legs
âYeah, there isâ I was angry that she was going out with this man who was probably better than me in every way. âYou look like aâŚaâŚâ I stutter
âA what Francisco?â She hears a car pulling into her driveway and she grabs her dark green leather jacket
âFuck, you just..ughâŚyou like Iike your asking for itâ I finally says and the doorbell rings
âShit, did I really just say that?â  I wanted to be Dave, he wanted to be the one taking her out for dinner. I wanted to be the one she was wearing a dress like that for. My heart has belonged to her, but I am to much of a dumbass to do anything about it
âFuck you, Iâll be back laterâ her words laced with anger as she opens the door. âHey Dave, lets goâ her voice suddenly cheerful as she slams the door closed behind her.Â
Strike twoâŚat this rate I might as well pack up my shit and leave before she gets back. She is the one working, she is the one providing for me while I sit in my room feeling sorry for myself counting stupid little black specks of paint on the ceiling. I went to one class and hated it. I reach for my phone on the coffee table
âHello?â The voice on the other end answers
âHey, wanna get fucked up tonight?â I ask
âNever thought you asked. I got some good stuff, meet at Hangers?âÂ
âYes please. Letâs do this, I need to forgetâÂ
Talking with Dave was easy. The conversation flowed and there was never an awkward moment. Dave told me about his time working for the FBI, crime scene detective but things werenât working the way he wanted to, he felt trapped and wanted something else.
âSo now you try to convince people to buy overpriced medical supplies?â I grin Â
âI can be very convincing when I want to beâ he smiles, âI convinced you to go out with meâÂ
âFairâÂ
I should be enjoying my time with this handsome man sitting in front of me, I shouldnât be thinking about Frankie. But that is exactly what is happening. Weâve had a rough few days, ever since I told him about my date that afternoon and I hate that we got into an argument before I left. Dave had asked if I wanted to go for a short walk around the lake and with my mind only half functioning I agreed to it. His fingers slowly intertwine with mine.Â
We stop in front of a little fountain with a small stringed band. A violin, a cello, and a harp play lovely music. Dave spins me and places a hand on my waist as we sway to the music. I placed a hand on his shoulder, there was a part of me that thinks he had this entire thing planned. It was too perfect, then thereâs the hopeless romantic in me that is loving every minute of it. We continue to dance as more couples join us.Â
âI use to be in a bandâ his lips brush over my ear sending a shiver down my spin
He pulls back smiling at me, my fingertips gently playing with the short hair at the nape of my neck. He leans in closer to me and I close my eyes waiting for our lips to touch when I hear the undeniable ringtone âHighway to the danger zoneâŚâ begins to play from my back pocket. Trying to ignore the call, I pull Daveâs face closer when the song begins to play again.
âShit, Iâm sorryâ I shake my head and back away from him. I donât even look at the name on the caller ID to know itâs him. âWhat do you want now?â I answer a little annoyed
âMs. Miller?âÂ
âVery funny Franklinâ I donât hear a laugh from the other end âFrankie?âÂ
âIs this Alexâ the voice says again, itâs hard to hear over the music and crowd hum in the backgroundÂ
âYes it is, is everything ok?â sudden panic washing over me
âHi, Iâm Clint, down at Handlebars, and your friend here is very intoxicated and might be on some kind of drug. But he is trying to start fights with other patrons. I do what I can to not call the cops, but maâam he is getting out of hand, and I need you to come get himâ the voice becomes clearer
âFuck,â I pinch the bridge of my nose, âIâm not close its going to be a little bit before I can get thereâÂ
âWe have him sitting outside at the moment, but if he tries to punch someone again, I will have to have the police involvedâÂ
âCan I talk to him for a minute?â I askÂ
Why was he doing this?
A couple lines of coke, two beers and a half dozen of tequila shots later I was feeling pretty damn good. I was currently in the bathroom, with some blonde chick's lips on my dick. I knew I wasnât going to last long after all the shit Iâve taken but damn did it feel good.Â
âShitâŚâ I mutter, gathering her hair in a fist behind her head, bracing myself against the sink with the other. One more deep throat by her and I was a goner. My cock still pulsing as she lets me go. Standing up, she wipes her face before leaning in giving me a sloppy kiss.Â
âThat was funâŚâ she pats my cheek, ââŚfind me again some timeâ she flips her hair back unlocking the door she steps out leaving me alone. Pants still around his ankles, heart racing as I try to catch my breath.Â
I reach over and locks the door, grabbing a paper towel I turn on the water and clean myself up. I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes red with dark circles below them. I look like I had aged 15 years from just this morning. I should be feeling great, I finally had cocaine back in my system, I was buzzed, and I just got a free blow job from Kitty? Maybe that was her name. Frankly I didnât care, I also forgot the minute her lips touched mine. The only thing I could think about was how disappointed Alex was going to be in me. I should go home.Â
I step out of the bathroom and make the trek back to the bar next to Steve. Walking past the set of pool tables I stumble into a big burly biker. Leather vests, tattooed arms, a bandanna wrapped around his head with a long salt and pepper beard.Â
âWatch where your walkingâ the man gruntsÂ
âMake me fuckerâ I slurÂ
The large man shoves me from behind making me stumble into a table full of empty glasses. I turn around, bringing my fist back. I go to punch the man who shoved me. My hand moved slowly then my brain was working and the large biker threw his own punch hitting me on the check. A gash opens along my cheek and blood begins to flow. A bouncer steps in pulling us apart. He drags me outside, and sets me on a bench around the corner of the building.Â
Steve is nowhere to be found and now a young punk looking kid is yelling at me for disturbing the peace inside his bar. Demanding me to give him my phone before threatening to get the police involved. Begrudgingly I unlock the phone and hand it over.Â
âMs. Millerâ I hear him sayÂ
ShitâŚstrike three.Â
The man handed me my phone back, I shoved it in his pocket. And with that he was gone leaving me alone with the bouncer. I lean back, head hitting the brick wall behind me. The high I was feeling moments ago, now fading realizing that there is a 95% chance that Alex was not going to forgive me.Â
âThanks, I am so sorryâ I unbuckle my seatbelt
âAre you going to be ok?â Dave asks placing a hand on top of my thigh
I take a deep sigh, honestly I didnât know. I was having fun, it was turning out to be a good night, then Frankie called. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was upset. But I donât want to drag Dave down with me. I turn my head to face him, giving him a quick kiss to his check.Â
âYeah, Iâll be good. Thank you againâ I say opening the doorÂ
âCall me when you get homeâ I nod and close the door.Â
I walked into the bar, stopped by a burly man who I guessed was a bouncer. âCan I help you?â He asksÂ
âYeah Iâm looking for uhm Cliff? Clint maybeâŚthe owner he has my friendâ I couldnât remember the name of the man now that I was here. Hurt, anger, disappointment so many emotions and I was going to have to keep them in check when I got to Frankie. Clearly being the âfriendâ wasnât working and I was going to need a different approach.Â
âAre you Mrs. Miller?â The bouncer asksÂ
âMs. but yesâÂ
âOutside, to the right. Let him know heâs now allowed back. Gary doesnât want to press charges but your friend is trespassed from hereâÂ
âPress charges? Heâs trespassed? Fuck what did he do?â My thoughts are racing, did I really want to know. He had been in a mood since I told him about my date, and yet here I am recusing him yet again.Â
I walk back outside and look to the right, not seeing right away. I walk down to the edge of the building and turn the corner, finding him sitting on a beat up wooden bench with a large man acting like a bodyguard. He was the size of a tree, his arms were massive and Iâm fairly sure he could squish someone like a bug if he wanted to.Â
Frankie in his usual tan colored Carhartt jacket, his favorite black baseball cap pulled down low. He turns my direction when he hears my heels on the pebbles. He has a long gash on his left cheek, dried blood under it. He continues to sit there, more anger floods my veins.Â
âThere she is, thereâs my girlâÂ
I stop in front of him, my arms crossed over my body. This is where the relationship changes, I will no longer be sweet, itâs time to lay down the law and get his ass clean.Â
âGet upâ my voice is stern
He doesnât move, he continues to sit there. A small smile pulling on his lips, acting as if he isnât a complete fucking disaster. He raises his arms and makes grabby hands, beckoning me to come help him. I shake my head no.Â
âGet the fuck up Moralesâ I cross my arms, he needs to know Iâm upset and his little act isnât going to help me. I swear I hear the tree of man chuckle at the situation playing out in front of him.Â
âHelp Meâ he turns his head looking at me with this sad puppy eyes, this eyes he knows I canât say no to
âNo. You got into this, now get upâ I am trying to not break, but he knows what to do to get me to breakÂ
Groaning, he places his hands on the edge of the bench and pushes himself up. He sways where he is standing. He looks at his feet, his mind willing his feet to move. Putting his left food in front of the right and he stumbles. Before thinking I move to him. My heels make us the same height and easier for him to lean against me. Wrapping his arm over my shoulder I wrap mine around his waist. Adjust his hold on me he leans his head against mine, âI knew youâd catch meâ he slursÂ
âYouâre on thin ice Francisco, donât push itâ I groan as he leans all his weight into me
âMi Cielitoâ he says softly
âWhereâd you park?â I ask, my hand readjusting around his hip as he holds me like a cutch and we stumble in the parking lotÂ
He shrugs, âdonât rememberâ his face is towards me, I scrunch my face as he reeks of alcoholÂ
After what feels like an hour of wandering around this parking lot, his truck finally comes into view, of course Frankie would be back in the back, in the middle of nowhere. Sighing a âthank godâ, I hope he didnât hear. I stop by the passenger door, and I lean him against it, praying that he doesnât fall. Reaching into his coat pocket I pull out the keys and unlock the door. I grab him by the waist and turn his body into the truck.Â
âYou could at least by me dinner firstâ he chuckles adjusting his body in the car
âShut up Francisco, you still have the first aid kit in here?â I ask looking under the front seat before moving to the back
Before Frankie can answer I pull out a little red box, his head leaning against the headrest. I watch as he struggles to keep his eyes open. With the first aid open, I rip open the wet-nap. I take his chin and gently turn his head towards me so I can see what I am doing better. The street lamp offers minimal light. I clean the dried blood on his cheek, and expect the gash. Tossing that at Frankieâs feet, I grab a towel from the kit and as carefully as I can dap the area dry. He flinches in pain. Finally I open the antibiotic cream, and rub a line of it over the cut hoping to keep it clean for the moment.
âIt doesnât look like you need stitchesâ I tell him, âwhat the fuck happened?â
âI got punchedâ he mumbles âassholeâ
âYeah, I can see you got punched, what did you do?â I ask again
âHe shoved me, then I tried to punch him and he hit firstâ he rolls his eyes âare you mad?âÂ
Honestly, I didnât know anymore. I was angry at him. I thought we were doing well, but that just proved to me this little sticker thing was a dumb idea from the start. I was sad, I was hurt, disappointed, but with all these feelings, the word mad didnât come up anymore. I was worried about him.Â
âI donât knowâŚâ I turn his body forward, reaching behind him I grab the seat belt and lean over his body to hook it in. âI really donât know anymoreâ I sigh and close the doorÂ
The drive home was silent, he had his head against the window and I couldnât tell if he was asleep, or just trying to ignore me. He tried to tell me how unsafe driving barefoot was, but driving with those heels and this truck was more dangerous than whatever gross shit was on his floor. Â
âHow much did you drink?â I ask
âA couple beers, half dozen shots of tequilaâŚâ he pauses, âalsoâŚdid a few hits of cokeâÂ
âFrankieâŚâ I sigh
Before I can ask him, he begins to tell me he didnât mean to. He wanted to forget, he wanted to numb the pain. He didnât know what else to do, so he called a friend. They did a few lines, then went into the bar. I know I shouldnât, but I feel guilty. I feel like his slip is my fault. Maybe I shouldnât have gone on a date. Work was one thing, but me going on a date made me feel worse. I wasnât there when he needed me. Â
âAre you mad?â I ask again, but he doesnât look at her, he canât handle it.Â
I wasnât worried about her being mad. No, mad I could handle that. However, the answer she gave me, thatâs the answer that hurts the most. Disappointment, it was worse than being mad or angry. I could work with those. But, disappointment was the worst. I was now at rock bottom. I shake my head, and lean against the window. Closing my eyes and praying they wouldnât re-open.Â
I feel her hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me âhey sleepy head. Time to wake up, weâre homeâÂ
I groan and lean further into the door trying to escape her touch. My eyes stay closed âsleepy time hereâÂ
âYou arenât sleeping in your truck, letâs get inside. You think you can help me?â She asks
âOomppfâ I groans, when the door Iâm leaning against opens, the seat belt doing its job and keeping me up right in the car
Alex reaches into the truck and unhooks the seatbelt, grabbing my hands and she helps me slide out of the truck. She draps one of my arms over her shoulder, and wraps one around my waist, letting me lean against her. Our height difference isnât much, but she is supporting most of my weight.Â
âStepâŚâ she says and I lift a foot. The two of us stumble up the steps and my head is hurting. I really wish she would have just left me in the truck.Â
We stop at the door, my arm moves, readjusting my grip holding on to her. Standing at the front door holding on to me with one hand, while the other fumbles with his keys trying to find the house key. I know I shouldnât laugh but watching her struggle makes me chuckle.Â
âOh you think this is funny do you?â Sheâs frustrated and I just made it worse
I knew laughing was bad, but I couldn't help it when she was still struggling with the keys. She turned her focus to me, eyes narrow as she glares. She was cute when she was flustered. I press my lips together. Trying to hold back another laugh. It didnât work as my eyes locked on to her and I snorted and laughed more. Laugh lines forming at the corner of my eyes I knew I was breaking her down and it would be impossible for her to stay mad at me.Â
âIf I let you go, you're not gonna fall are you?â She asks, her voice something between concern and anger. I just shrug, I probably would fall but she doesnât need to know the truthÂ
Annoyed with my answer she sighs. I moved closer to her, she was warm, despite her anger and frustration with me. She was safe. She felt like home. I lean against her still struggling with the door. Finally, after a ten minute fight with the door she gets it opened. We stumble into the dark house. Thankfully getting the door locked on the inside was a much easier battle.Â
âAlright Franklin, letâs get you to bedâÂ
My hallway is definitely not big enough for two people to walk side by side especially when one of the people is drunk. I try to position myself in front of Frankie, both his arms over my shoulders as his chest rests against my back.Â
We reach his room and I move him towards his bed. I turn him and help him sit down. His hat had fallen off someone along the journey into his room. I slide off his jacket, turning to hang it in the chair. In slow motion Frankie begins to fall back âno..noâŚnoâ I grab his arm just in time keeping him up right on the bed. If he fell backwards I knew trying to undress him would be impossible. Â
âOk arms upâ I say, he follows my order and lifts his arms above his head.Â
âSo bossyâ he mumbles as I take the shirt off and toss it towards his dirty laundry pile.Â
My hands rest on his broad shoulders. The muscle definition is still very evident in his biceps. I pray he doesnât notice my eyes wander down his bare chest, briefly holding at his tattoo. Iâve never really looked at it this close.Â
His hands reach for the hem of my dress, slowly beginning to lift it higher on my thigh. âYouâre turnâ he says before I catch his wristsÂ
âYouâre drunkâ I say softly and he shrugs
âDidnât stop some peopleâÂ
Iâm sure it didnât, Frankie never had a problem getting girls, but I donât know thinking about him being with others makes me slightly jealous, I shake my head and let go of his wrists.Â
I bend down in front of him, his hands resting on my shoulders as I untie his shoes. He takes the hint and works with me to get his shoes off. I start to stand up, âwhat about my pants?â he almost falls forward giggling. Good to know he still thinks this is funny âI donât like pantsâÂ
I roll my eyes and lean forward reaching for his belt buckle. I undo it and the button to his jeans. He falls back lifting his hips just enough for me to slide them off tossing it with the shirt. âThere, are you happy?âÂ
He shuffles under the sheets, before I can go he grabs my hand âstay?â He asks. I donât even have to look at him to know the look heâs giving me. Batting his eyes, his bottom lip quivers, using his big brown eyes to his advantageÂ
âFrankie, I canâtâŚâ I sighÂ
âPlease?âÂ
I squeeze her hand, he doesnât want to be alone. âJust till I fall asleep?â I addÂ
âFine, just tell you fall asleepâ I watch as she slides off her leather jacket and sets it on the back of my chair. Turning the light off, she shuffled back to me
I slide back, giving her enough room to lay down. Iâm on my side, has my arm out. She lays down using my one arm as a pillow and I drape the other over her. She pulls the cover up. My hand resting on her hip. I lean into her resting my forehead against her temple breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo. Hints of cherry and strawberry fill my senses. It smells like summer, it smells like home.Â
Her hand rubs up and down my forearm in a soothing fashion. I feel so comfortable with her here. Itâs where I want to keep her.Â
âHeâs not good enough for youâ I say softlyÂ
âWhat?â She twists her head to look at me
My eyes open to see hers staring at me, âYour date tonightâÂ
âYou donât even know himâ she sighsÂ
âNo one will be good enough for you Alexâ I grip her tighter pulling her closer to me. I lean in closer to her. I want to kiss her, I want her to know how I feel. As much as I donât think the guy she went out with today isnât good enough, I know Iâm not good enough either.Â
She sighs again, turning her head to stare at the ceiling. Her finger tips brush over my skin. My thumb strokes her hip over her black dress. A black dress I wished was on the floor.Â
I lift my head, leaning closer. I stick out my tongue and lick the side of her face. From check to temple. When her hands go still on my arm, but donât move away I smile and lay my head back down.Â
Twisting her head to look at me, I watch as she smiles back at me. My smile widens, I know my dimple appears and she shakes her head, âdid you just lick me?âÂ
âI didâŚâ I sigh and close my eyes again. Sleep just on the horizon. I hear her ask me why, âto say your mine. Like when you like something when your a kid you donât want someone else to haveâÂ
âFrankieâ she sighsÂ
âYouâre too good for himâ and by him - I really meant myself.Â
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters
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I mean the sticker reward system seemed to work when you were little for chores, what could possibly go wrong with a grown man LOL
It Was Just A Dream...
Chapter Two
Summary: Frankie is all moved in, or is he? A cute game of cat and mouse has an ending you wouldnât expect, Frankieâs mood swings end with an outcome neither of them expected.Â
Words: 5,000+
Rating: 18+ Adult Themes
Warnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
**This is written asa first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankieâs stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isnât an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankieâs belongings were still in taped boxes. We didnât know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff.Â
It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. Heâs been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now donât get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasnât changed. I donât even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. Iâm feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldnât.Â
Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, Iâve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. Itâs been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldnât. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldnât shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal?Â
Itâs late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds. I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day. But I couldnât stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didnât belong here. I stop and gently tap on the open door, âheyâŚyou want some help with those?â
He doesnât look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, âthereâs just so much, I donât know where to startâ he takes a deep breath hanging his headÂ
I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled âshirtsâ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him âWhat?â I groan in frustrationÂ
âThey need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but itâs fineâŚitâs fine. Iâll just do it laterâ he rubs the back of his neck
Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order. Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized. Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasnât fine.
I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesnât see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didnât expect this to be easy, but I also didnât expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didnât think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? âThen refold the shirts and put them in the drawerâ shit was that too aggressive? âI think I might make you feel more at home if you doâ I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it.Â
I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him.Â
I pull out black pair after black pair. There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind canât help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, hisâŚâstop. Donât think about that. Heâs now your roommate you canât do thatâ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I canât but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, âcare to explain theseâ holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smilingÂ
He reaches across and snatches them from my hands ânopeâŚâ he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half âyou got themâ he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black onesÂ
âI did?â I truly donât remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like thatÂ
âYeah, Christmas a few years agoâ he returns his focus to the shirts in the box
âOh my God, youâre right. I didâ I laugh
âYou said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was awayâÂ
Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didnât need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasnât worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos.Â
I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some âglamor shotsâ as a gag gift. Frankieâs in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes oneâs heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, heâs hotâŚâWhat do we have here?â
Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what Iâm holding in my hand. âGive those hereâ he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away
âNopeâŚâ I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more
âLexâ he says, a bit more authoritative, itâs deep and itâs sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between usÂ
I have a small idea, âyou want them?â I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, âthen youâll just have to come and get themâ I smile and turn to run through the door.Â
He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. Heâs on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. Heâs facing me on the other side âLexâŚâ he says. I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm. Â
âGotta be quicker than that Moralesâ I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as Iâm back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didnât think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, heâs standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. Iâm waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, âBad move, Millerâ he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed.Â
I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until heâs hovering over my body. Weâre both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free. âStop movingâ he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing.Â
His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. âFrankieâŚâ I whisperÂ
âHmmmâ he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mineÂ
I donât know what I was going to say, I didnât imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didnât think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I donât know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip.Â
âKISS HIM ALREADYâ my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didnât take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. âHelloâ I stand and walk out of his roomÂ
âWhy didnât I kiss her? She was right thereâŚwould she even want me to kiss her?â He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hairÂ
He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants heâs been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 oâclock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. âBecause you're a pathetic loser, look at you. Sheâd never want you to kiss herâ that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasnât. But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder.Â
âFishieâŚhey Fishâ her voice brings him back. He looks up at her âhey, you ok?
âyeahâŚyeahâ he says, but her face tells him she doesnât believe him.Â
âuhm, ok. I gotta run to work for a bit. Iâm not sure when Iâll be home but thereâs money on the table. Order some take outâ Â
He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close. Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesnât hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he canât feel anything again. He knows he doesnât have much left, but enough to last him at least today. Heâll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didnât find it. Just one hit, thatâs all he needs.
âTake a shower, youâll feel better after a shower. Youâre better than thisâ he can hear Willâs voice.Â
It didnât.
âFood, get some food. Donât do this Catâ the voice says
My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasnât where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film. But itâs a good paying job, and it kept me close to home.Â
Fishie đ: u like Pad Thai đ˛Â
Me: Not really, and I donât think thatâs Pad Thai haha
Fishie đ: oh ok what u want?Â
I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldnât stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Lauraâs desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane.Â
Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai
âWhatâs up Buttercupâ Laura smiles cheerfully
âHave you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?â I look up, the mouths all open âseriously. A friend, not meâÂ
âWhat kind of addiction?â Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answersÂ
âNarcoticsâŚâ I replyÂ
Is this friend living with you?â a nurse asksÂ
I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldnât be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. âSometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I donât even know and itâs only been two weeksâÂ
âJust keep being there for them, donât push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust youâ she puts a hand on top of mineÂ
âYou canât give up on them. No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. Theyâll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you wonât give up on themâÂ
âThanks,â I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasnât responded âI just wish I knew what he needed, he doesnât talkâÂ
âGive it time, he will open up when heâs readyâÂ
'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think
I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. âOh please donât tell me he has a girl hereâ I think to myself moving towards his room. âFrankie?âÂ
T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, heâs shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair.Â
âWhere the fuck is it?!â he shouts as I watch him throw more things around.Â
âWhere is what?â I ask, and instantly regret itÂ
He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. Iâve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. Thereâs an evil glint to his eye and it scares me.Â
âWhere the fuck did you put it Alexandra?â He snarlsÂ
âIf you told me what you are looking forâŚâ I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm.Â
âYOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IâM LOOKING FOR! DONâT PLAY STUPIDâÂ
The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Donât make things worse.Â
What happened to the Frankie from earlier?Â
âI need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can helpâ I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know Iâm here, but heâs breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin.Â
âI know you have it!â he says in an oddly calm manner, âJUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!â He yellsÂ
He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. âGive it to me now Alexâ he growls
âWhat in the hell is your problem!?â I yell shoving his chest back
âYou! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I donât want to be here!â His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back
âFine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Franciscoâ I try to hold back by own tears âI am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit. You donât want to be here, FINEâÂ
ShitâŚI am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a âPoliceâÂ
âYou called the Police?â He shoutsÂ
âIâve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?â I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive âIâm coming!âÂ
I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces
âGood evening maâam. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was okâ the taller officer said
âEverything is fine. Itâs great. Just swellâ my words are dripped with sarcasm
âDo you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer Jamesâ he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, âhey there sir. Mind coming over here for a moment?âÂ
He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, sheâs given up on him. Heâs given up on himself.Â
âWhatâs your name?â The youngest officer asks himÂ
Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. âFrank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer BakerâÂ
Baker keeps asking bin questions. What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest.Â
âWhat branch?âÂ
âExcuse meâ Frankie responds confusedÂ
âYour tattoo?â
âOh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilotâÂ
He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird. Just below a group of trees
âThank you for your service sir. Wait here, I have some stuff for youâ Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol carÂ
He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand.Â
âFor the hundredth time, he didnât hurt me. He would never do thatâ I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me.Â
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house.Â
âMs. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a callâ the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. âHave a good nightâ he walks past me and heads to his car.Â
I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, âheâll be ok. Just give it time. Iâve been there. Heâs got a good girlfriend, just be patient with himâÂ
I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? âWaitâŚwhat?â I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me.Â
Itâs getting late and Iâm hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. âFocus Alexâ. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I canât get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work.Â
I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I canât leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really donât want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in.Â
âI fucked upâŚâ he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alexâs face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didnât even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, sheâs going to find them. He knows it.
The papers were for local rehabs where VAâs held sobriety classes. They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didnât want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. Thatâs where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasnât who he wanted, but she was there. She was a quick fuck. It didnât mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasnât going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, heâll finish cleaning later. Heâll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her.Â
He plops on the couch next to her, she doesnât say anything. She doesnât even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV
âIce cream for dinner?â He asks âgreat icebreaker Morales, you idiotâ his inner demon mocks himÂ
âYeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklinâ she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, âthat and someone didnât buy dinner like I told them tooâÂ
âShe called me FranklinâŚmaybe sheâs not that madâ he reads her face, itâs softenedâŚa hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him âshit. Iâm so sorry that was-âÂ
âNoâŚno I deserved thatâ he interrupts her, âcan I have a bite?âÂ
She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth.Â
âIâm sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream
He looks at the ground, heâs picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle heâs having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me âI am really sorryâ he says againÂ
âWhat happened today?â I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face himÂ
âI was looking forâŚfuckâŚI was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didnât want to do this. I donât want to do this. Rehab didnât do shitâ heâs talking fast and Iâm trying to keep up.Â
He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by. Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesnât know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasnât doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left. A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking.Â
âHow many days has it been?â I askÂ
âI donât know, maybe five days?â He doesnât sound very positiveÂ
âMaybe five days? How many days Frankie?âÂ
âThreeâŚitâs been three days and I am going crazyâ he says âthen we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hitâ he thinks to himselfÂ
âokâ she says and stands up.Â
âWait where are you going?â He asks, panic setting inÂ
Heâs worried that she is going to get his bag, sheâs gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isnât what she signed up for. Sheâs given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret.Â
She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, âok did you use today?â
He shakes his head no âI couldnât find itâ
âright..â she puts a little star sticker on today's date âand you said three days since the last timeâ
He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days
âWhat are you doing?â He asksÂ
That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart. Something like when you were a kid and had chores, youâd get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isnât a kid, I have no idea what the fuck Iâm doing.Â
âThis is stupid, just forget it.â I sigh pushing the stuff away from me
His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer.Â
âWhat is my reward?â He asks curiouslyÂ
âUhmâŚwhat do you want?âÂ
âPancakesâŚâ he says
âPancakes? Really?â and he nods âok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, Iâll make you pancakesâÂ
âWith sprinkles?â His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work
I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, âIâll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinklesâÂ
âHey Lexi, one more thing?â He asks âCan we get some helicopter stickers?â
I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, âyes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickersâÂ
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
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Dear Frankie
Chapter Ten
Summary: When the two of you share a moment in his truck upon his return, Frankie asks you a life changing question. In that moment your life changes in more ways then one
Words:Â 5,397
Rating: 18+ SMUT please donât read if you are under 18
Warnings/Triggers for series: Frankie is active duty military, deployment, death, Adult language, themes, and SMUT
A/N: So I donât really know anythingâŚok I know nothing about Fayetteville, North Carolina. I am taking my own liberties on what itâs like there. Names of places may exist, but I have no idea if they are real or not as well as some of the events I have. But it's fan fiction and there are no rules. While the reader may have some descriptions, I am doing my best to leave out physical characteristics. Just try to have a little imagination while you're reading this.Â
**Just like ao3, âcreator chooses not to use warnings.â If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that youâre the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **
The windows covered in fog, your hands trying to find something, anything to hold on to while Frankie continues to thrust up into you. Hitting you in the perfect spot every time. His hands hold onto your waist, bringing your body down as he thrusts up in perfect timing.Â
You arch your back, head falling backwards moaning his name. His lips finding any bare skin in his reach, hot breath over your damp sweaty skin. You grip the headrest so hard you think you might break it.Â
âOh my god, yesâŚyesâ you moan. You feel yourself getting close, you donât want to let go just yet, you need more, you want this to last forever. âShit, Iâm Iâmâ you can barely get the words out as you grip him tightly, your eyes close, head falling forward. Lips searching for his, the feeling of him making you cum after so long was too much and your body shakes and he continues to chase his own.Â
He is relentless in finding his own release. Gripping you tighter, his breathing picking up. You feel every ridge, every vein. Your teeth tug on his earlobe. Fingers threading through his hair, his hat somewhere in the truck. He reaches his peak, ropes of his seed filling as your second orgasm quickly followed. Resting your forehead against him, both of you panting trying to catch your breath. Tucking a stray hair behind your ear he cups your face between his hands. Eyes staring into yours, time stands still and finally everything in your life feels right.Â
âFrankie, promise me something?âÂ
âanythingâÂ
âDonât leave meâŚâ you bite your bottom lip afraid this was all just a dreamÂ
âI promise, this��you are my home. You are where I wanna beâ his thumb brushes away a tear that was starting to fall âI love youâÂ
A gentle tap on the window scares you both. You lean back, Frankie reaching over to the driver side, rolling down the window to see Officer Powers standing there. âMoralesâŚâ he sighs like a disappointed parent
âOfficer Powers,â he groans and you canât help but giggle âI uhm, weâŚyeahâÂ
âFinish and get outta here, you know the rulesâÂ
âYouâre not mad?âÂ
âWelcome home Moralesâ Officer Powers says. Greeting you, he tips his head âyou got 10 minutesâ and he backs away from the truck. You can hear him slowly pull away.Â
You canât help but give a small laugh, Frankie leans back. Relief flooding his face, he was worried what Officer Powers was going to do catching him in this particular position. âFuck,â he sighs âthat was closeâ
The thrill of getting caught was something new, something that you kinda wanted to do again. You slowly rock your hips, feeling him getting hard again. You tilt his jaw up, kissing him again and he shakes his head against you.Â
âIf he comes back and weâre still hereâŚâÂ
âGuess that means you better hurry the fuck up Moralesâ you rock your hips more beginning to pick up the pace.Â
You know itâs been longer than ten minutes, itâs been much longer than that. But you canât get enough of him. Heâs still buried inside you, while your face is buried in the crook of his neck. Breathing him in, your hand rests on his pounding heart. This was better than any dream, itâs real. Heâs real and heâs with you.Â
His arms are wrapped around you, holding you to his chest. Heâs well aware of the time. He knows that Officer Powers could be back at any moment. But he doesnât want to leave this quiet serenity. He missed you, special forces was more than he imagined it would be. Death had always happened, but it was becoming a daily thing. Friends being carried home in caskets. The saying âlife is shortâ was true and he was ready for a life with you.Â
The window was left open and you hear Officer Powers clear his throat, âMorales, what did I tell you?â His voice was more annoyed than angry.Â
âI know I knowâÂ
âItâs my faultâ you say lifting your head, âI got a little carried awayâÂ
âNo, sir itâs my faultâ Frankie injectsÂ
âJust get dressed, and get out of here. Iâll be in the truck behind youâ Powers rolls his eyes and walks back to the truck. His lights shining in the window
You turn your body, still connected to Frankie reaching into the glovebox to grab some napkins you know he kept in there. Your fingers brush over a velvet box. Completely forgetting the reason you were in there you pull the box out and look at him, âwhat is this?âÂ
âYouâve had my truck for over a year and you're just now finding this?â he chuckles vibrating your entire body âit looks like a ring boxâÂ
âFrankie?â the box feels heavy in your handÂ
âWell, this isnât how I planned it. But what the fuck, why not?â He takes the box from your shaking hand Â
He opens the box, taking out the ring. âItâs not much, butâŚok here it goes. You showed me what love was, what love is. I was always afraid to let someone get close to me. But then you came along and showed me what love is and just how scary and how fun it can be. You're the first girl I said I love you too and I want you to be the last.âÂ
âYesâŚâ you shout before he even asksÂ
âI didnât even ask you anything yet,â he chuckles. He leans forwards giving you a quick kiss before saying your name âEstrella, my love. Will you marry me?âÂ
You nod, hands covering your shocked face âyes FranciscoâŚyesâ he takes your hand and slides the ring on your finger. The square diamond sits on a gold band, small diamonds sit in the band, he said it wasnât much, but it was the most beautiful ring you could have imagined. Â
You lunge forward, grabbing the sides of his face and kissing him deeply. His hands wrap around you and smiles against your lips âjust maybe when people ask how I proposed, we donât tell them it was like this?âÂ
âNopeâŚIâm telling everyone you asked while your were still buried deep inside and Officer Powers caught us for the third timeâ you smileÂ
âThird time?â Frankie leans back, glancing to his right seeing Officer Powers standing at the window yet again. Frankie shakes his head and Officer Powers just smiles as you show him the ring.Â
Was the proposal everything I had ever dreamed of? No, not in the slightest. But it was completely you and us. Frankie I love you and Iâm ready for the next steps.Â
âFraaaaaaaankieâ you yell from the bathroom. It had been five weeks since your last period and just over three weeks since Frankie and your homecoming party. In his truck.Â
You're sitting on the floor in the bathroom, hovering over the toilet trying not to throw up again. Frankie opens the bathroom door and the smell of bacon fills the space, making you empty whatever was left in your stomach into the toilet.Â
âWhatâs wrong? Are youâŚâ he stops and runs behind you, pulling your hair back keeping it from falling in your face âbaby whatâs wrong? Youâve been like this a couple days now. I donât think itâs food poisoningâ Â
âFrankie, I'm fine. I promiseâ you go to stand, a little light headed and grab onto Frankie to keep yourself from falling. His hands wrap around you. The smell of burning bacon makes you sick to your stomach again.Â
âNo, nope thatâs it. Iâm taking you to the hospital", his voice full of concern. He wraps his arm around your waist, bending over to pick up your legs and carrying your bridal style down the stairs. You protest for him to put you down. Telling him you are perfectly capable of walking.Â
Benny is at the stove, trying to stop the house from burning down, âCat, man what the fuck you canât just leave baaaaStella are you ok?â he quickly pulls the pan off the stoveÂ
âIâm fine. Just food poisoning. Tell him Iâm fineâ you say as Frankie walks towards the door leading to the garage grabbing your purse along the wayÂ
âItâs been three days, itâs not food posioning. We are going to the hospitalâÂ
It was no use, when Frankie had his mind set on something he was going to do. He wouldnât let anything get in the way. No matter how many times you told him you were fine he wouldnât believe it until a doctor said so. You didnât have time for a doctor and a wedding to plan. A wedding that was happening much quicker than you had anticipated thanks to Frankie being called to Duty again.Â
You sit in the waiting room at the local ER, waiting for your name to be called. âFrankie, itâs just stress. The wedding before you leave again. Trying to plan something in like a moooonnnâ you try to reason with him when a nurse was calling your nameÂ
You stand and Frankie follows, you tell him your fine and he can wait there. He looked hurt, âIâll be fine and I will tell you everything. I promiseâ you lean down and kiss his cheek before walking towards the nurse who called your name âhiâ you greet her.Â
White floor, white walls, white cupboards and a white bed. You hated any medical office, too many memories of your mom being sick. You sit with your feet dangling from the bed, twiddling your thumbs waiting for the doctor to come in. There was a knock on the door and it slowly opened.Â
You felt like you were in the room forever, being integrated by the doctor and the nurse. Blood tests and a few more questions you are finally released âweâll call you in a few days with the results. But for now just take it easy. If you have any other problems donât be afraid to call usâÂ
âWill do, thanksâÂ
A few hours later you were sitting on the small couch in Frankieâs room. Reading one of the romance novels he had on the bookshelf when your phone rang. Frankie was working out. It was the doctor's office with what you only guessed was the results of your blood work.Â
âWhat? Really?â You shouldnât have been shocked by the answer. But you still werenât completely prepared for itÂ
âYes maâam, congratulationsâÂ
ShitâŚI mean Iâm excited. But I donât know if I can do this. A wedding, preparing for you to leave again and a baby? How do I tell you? Do I tell you? I mean Iâll be like 4 months when you leaveâŚmaybe you wonât notice and then bam surprise when you get home.Â
Naw who am I kidding, that wonât work. You notice everything and I donât want to hurt you by not telling you. Well, FrankieâŚIâm pregnant.
You didnât hear him come home, you werenât even aware that you had fallen asleep on the sofa until you felt a pair of hands moving the book that was still open on your lap. He was dressed in a pair of flannel PJ pants and a simple black shirt. His hair curling at the bottom and little water droplets sit at the ends. You go to sit up, he shakes his head and curls up behind you. âShhhâŚclose your eyes again. A nap sounds niceâ he kisses your cheek. His back pressed against the back of the sofa and an open wraps around you pulling you closer until your bodies become one.Â
He slides his hand under your shirt. His palm warm as he leaves is on your bare stomach. His thumb gently stroking the soft skin. You can feel his breath against your neck. It would be so easy to fall asleep right now, so easy to just stay like this. You put your hand on top of his and lace your fingers with him. You take a deep breath, he needs to know.Â
âThe doc called while you were awayâ you say softly. Eyes still closed and Frankie kisses the skin on your neck he can reachÂ
âMmmmâŚyou seem betterâÂ
âIâmâŚâ you swallow hard. You turn your body laying on your back so you can see his face. âFrankie,â you cup his cheek. Fingertips brushing over his freshly shaven face. He kisses your palm and opens his eyes to you.Â
âFrankie, Iâm pregnantâÂ
âReally?â His eyes shoot open âwhat, when, howâŚâ
âRemember the night you came home?â you ask and he nods his head, âI think you are clearly aware of howâŚbut yeah. IâŚweâre pregnantâÂ
The smile on his face lights up the room and he wraps you up in his arms. Peppering your face with kisses as you close your eyes and giggle. Before you know it, heâs hovering over you, his face inches from yours, eyes locked onto yours. âI love youâ
âI love youâ you reply and his lips mold to yours. Slow, sweet, but filled with passion. His tongue brushes against the seam of your lips begging for you to let him in. You grant him it, his tongue darts in. Moving with yours and you thread your fingers into his hair. His lips move to your neck, spending time there, making sure to leave his mark.Â
âYouâre happy?â You say but it sounded more like a question, terrified that this question is going to ruin the moment
He lifts his head, âso happy. Iâm scared as hell. But I canât believe itâŚIâm so happyâÂ
January 2015
Three months pregnant and trying to plan a wedding was not something I planned. I never imagined Iâd end up having to do both on my own.Â
âYou what?â You shoutÂ
âLeave at the end of the monthâ heâs pacing in the kitchen. Your arms crossed leaning against the counterÂ
âYou said you were free for a while. That you got to stay homeâ you continue to watch him âwe were planning for a summer weddingâÂ
âI know, but you know I donât control thisâ he shakes his head, heâs just as angry but knows there is nothing he can do about it
âItâs not fairâ you try to fight back a tear
He wraps his arms around you, bringing you close to his body. Kissing your forehead and you lean into him. Resting your head on his shoulder. They have already taken him away for so long, you were just starting to plan the rest of your lives together. You knew you would still have to share him with his career once you were married, but you wished that they would at least let you enjoy some time with him before getting called back to action.Â
âI know, look, I would marry you tomorrow if you want to. But I know you had your heart set on that little church in the mountainsâ his hands rub up and down your back, âI want that too, but I also donât mind having a small wedding. Making you a Morales, then a bigger wedding when I get homeâÂ
âTomorrow?âÂ
âAt the courthouse, you sure?â he asks, his thumbs rubbing circular motions over your growing stomach.
It may not have been idea for the wedding, and you were right. I did have my heart set on that little church in the mountains we drove by when going to the cabin. But, Frankie. I would marry you over and over again. It doesnât matter the time, the place, the dress or who is there. I just need you.
A small wedding at the courthouse, has you standing in front of your shared closet wrapped in your fuzzy robe having no idea what to wear. You had finished your shower, letting Frankie take his while you got dressed. Otherwise you both know, youâd never make it in time for your appointment. Hanging the dress back up that you just spent 10 minutes looking at, you take a deep breath, trying to not let the hormones take over and have you falling to your knees crying. Before you can fall apart, you feel a warm pair of arms wrap around you. His chin resting on your shoulder.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â he asks kissing your neck
âI have nothing to wear, nothing fits rightâ you sigh.Â
Frankie spins you around, you see him in a black tux, hair styled, and he shaved again. His baby face on full display. Itâs not fair you think. Guys donât gain weight, their bodies donât change, they donât have to push out a human being and yet here you are almost 4 months pregnant and none of your clothes, at least the ones for a wedding donât fit.Â
His hands on your arms, rubbing them up and down. His eyes staring into yours. âYou could just wear this, it will make ripping of off you later a lot easier for meâ he smirks leaning in to kiss youÂ
âShut upâ you canât help smile when his lips brush over yours, âmaybe we just waitâÂ
âYou're not getting cold feet on me, are you Mrs. Morales?â He asksÂ
âNot Mrs Morales yetâŚâ you give a small smileÂ
He shrugs, âitâs a signature on a paper, youâve been my Mrs. Morales since I said I love you and you said it backâ
He looks behind you, reaching for a dressâŚthe red dress. The same dress you wore the night Baby M was conceived, the same red dress you wore when he proposed. He always said he wasnât romantic but the fact that it was this dress he reached for, he was. He was the most romantic in his own subtle ways. He holds it out, looking from you to the dress. A smile on his face.Â
âI think you should wear this oneâ he puts the hanger over your head, letting the dress hang off your shoulders. Biting his bottom lip, he nods in approval âyup, this would be perfectâÂ
âItâs not much of a wedding dressâ I say, he shrugs again âif I wear this, you hand to wear the red tieâÂ
It wasnât the wedding you had pictured. You didnât see yourself in a red dress, with a black jacket and a pair of black flats. But the man standing in front of you was everything you had imagined. He was a vision in his black suit, white shirt and burgundy tie. Your hands in his, âI love youâ he mouths the words to you and you blink back tears. âI love youâ you mouth back to him. His thumb rubbing circles over the back of your hands. For the moment the world was perfect, you didnât want to think what the Newport few days would be like. It was always hard enough saying good-bye to him. But saying good-bye this time was going to be nearly impossible.Â
ââŚBabyâ he whispers
You shake your head, not realizing you missed the important words, the only words you had to say today. âI do, Frankie. I doâ you smile and he cups your cheek, leaning into his warm palmÂ
âCan I kiss her now?â His eyes remain locked onto yours, your tongue peeks out licking your bottom lips. He doesnât wait for a yes before closing the distance. Lips molding to yours, bringing your body as close to him as possible. Your hands cup his face, holding him to you not wanting to let this feeling go.Â
The day had been a whirlwind, everything falling into place effortlessly. You donât know how it was at all possible that Heather was able to throw together a small congratulations dinner. With the help of her chef husband, you would have thought that this was the plan all along. And at the moment, you were perfectly content with it. Reaching into your purse you unlock the door and start to step through when you feel his hand around your wrist stopping you from moving forward. He carefully spins you to face him.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you ask and he gently tugs you to him.Â
He lifts the hand heâs holding, dropping it on his shoulder. âFrankieâŚno, Frankieâ One arm wrapping around your waist, the other under your thighs. Picking you up.Â
âItâs our wedding and Iâm carrying you over the thresholdâ he kisses your cheek
He carries you into the house, kicking the door closed behind him. You expect that he is going to set you down now that you are in the house, but instead he makes his way to the staircase, âwhere are you going?â you ask already knowing the answer
âUpstairsâ
Three months pregnant and you know not only were you showing, but you know you had started to gain more weight. Frankie is strong, he has to be, but the thought of him trying to carry you up the stairs but an uneasy feeling in you. You know saying his name isnât going to stop him, youâve tried that already. Already tried that a few times, so instead you do something that you know is distracting.
âFrankieâŚâ you sigh, the hand that isnât wrapped around his shoulder moving to cup his face. Gently turning him to face you, âI love youâ you smile before guiding his lips to yours. Lips capturing his in a tender kiss.Â
Eyes slowly opening, you lay in bed in that post sex daze, blinking a few times to let your senses come to. You look over to Frankieâs spot in the bed and he has disappeared, how long had you been out, your hand brushes over the empty space it still feels warm to the touch. From behind you, you can hear the running of water in the bathroom. Throwing the sheets off your naked body, you move to the door and slowly push it open. Standing there Frankie bent over the tub, testing the water on his hands pouring out the facet making sure it is the perfect temperature. Reaching across the tub he grabs your favorite bubble bath. The smell of eucalyptus and lavender start to fill the room. You lean against the door frame, a smile spreads across your face as you watch the man you are madly in love with take care of you.
After pouring a generous amount of the liquid, bubbles start to form. Feeling accomplished, Frankie turns his head down; he nearly falls backwards in the tub when he looks up seeing you standing in the doorway. âShitâŚestrella!â he says âyou scared the shit outta me. How long have you been standing there?â
You grin, knowing there was no way you could possibly scare a highly trained Delta Force member. Walking towards him, pretending to look around him at his hand work, âis that for me?â you ask moving closer to his outstretched arms.Â
âMaybeâŚâ he smirks wrapping you in his arms when you get close enough â...I wanted to let you restâ he places a kiss to your forehead
âWould you join me?â you ask, squeezing your arms around him  Â
The waterâs cooling around your bodies. Youâre back pressed against Frankieâs chest. Head fitting perfectly against his shoulder while his hands rub up and down your arms, placing soft butterfly kisses to your exposed shoulder. âI donât know what I did to have you fall in love with me, but I thank everything for thatâ he kisses you again, your head tilting towards him and hand cupping his face.Â
âYou really wanna know?â you ask, fingers under his jaw tilting his face up to look at you, he nods his head yes, âthe day you crashed into me at the grocery store with your schweddy ballsâ
âI must definitely did not crash into youâŚâ he chuckles, âit was a blind corner, and the cart did what it wantedâ he smile at you exposing that dimple that you love so much
âMhmm sureâŚ.â you roll your eye at him, âwell then when you didnât crash into meâŚyou were so sweet and kind. Despite just meeting I felt like you had been someone I had known my whole life after finishing our shopping trip together. I wasnât sure how, but I knew I wanted to see you again. I wanted to hear you talk more, I like listening to you talkâ he gives you a sheepish smile and your hand wraps around his. âOur first dateâŚour first real date as you call itâ
âThe dinner and the beach?â he asksÂ
âIt wasnât the dinner, to be honest. It was walking with you along the beach after. When I told you about my Dad, and you didnât run. That night, when you kissed me and I swear the world stopped for just a brief second. It sounds cliche but I donât care I was falling in love with you Frankie, and it terrified me. The moment I knew it was real, and that I had fallenâŚwhen I told you I was a virgin and you took your time. You didnât rush me, you made me feel perfectâŚand I know I donât have much to compare you too, but I swear Frankie I donât think anyone would or could treat me better than you do. Despite this rough exterior, you are the most romantic, caring, selfless man I have ever met. And I am so glad it was you, that it is youâ
A single tear falls from Frankieâs eye, you lean forward catching the falling droplet with your lips. âFrankie, I love you so much and I am the lucky one. I am so fucking lucky that you picked me, you could have any girl out there and I am lucky enough that I get to call you mineâÂ
He leans his forehead against yours, âI love youâ he whispers âI knew from the minute I saw youâÂ
âWhen you didnât crash into me?â you bite your lip trying to hold back a smile
He shakes his head, ânoâŚâ you pull away, your eyes widen looking at him âit was when you and Heather were shopping. She was holding up two melons asking you which one you liked. The way you laughed, it lit up the entire supermarket. It was a sound I wanted to hear again, if sounded like homeâÂ
âFrankieâŚâ you sigh
âIt sounds fucking crazy, I know. Then we started to hang out, talk more and I started falling and falling hard. I was terrified, I knew I was never going to be good enough for you. I didnât do relationships, I did one nightâŚmaybe two. I always left because I didnât want to get hurt, I didnât want them to get hurt. With you, I knew I would find a way to fuck it up and breaking your heart was the last thing I would have ever wanted to do. But each time I pushed away, you wouldnât let meâŚyou showed me that true love can win. That true love is worth fighting for. I thought saying those three words for the first time my heart was going to beat out of my chest I was so scared, but nowâŚwith you those three words are the easiest thing to sayâ he leans forward, kissing you with as much passion as he can, showing you just how much you mean to him. âI love youâŚI love you so fucking much and I am the luckiest man not in the world, but in the universe, in the galaxy whatever you want to be able to call you my loveâŚmy lifeâŚmy wifeâÂ
You canât help the tears that are flowing now, you wipe them away and try to smile the best you can as the water works continue. âThat should have been your proposalâŚâ you grinÂ
âCan we tell people thats what I said, and maybe not tell them it was when I wasâŚâ
âNopeâ you interrupt him, âthe way you did is the most Frankie wayâÂ
The closer we get to you leaving, the harder and harder it becomes. I know itâs not your choice, and if you could you would stay. But watching you want this as much as I do, that you are trying to make the most of every minute it is making saying âgoodbyeâ that much harderÂ
The next few weeks went by in a blur, between work schedules, changing all legal documents into your new last name and finding matching wedding bands you hardly had spent any quality time with your new husband. It was Saturday night, and he left on Monday. You lay in bed, it was early evening, Frankie laying next to you with a hand on your stomach. Hoping to feel the baby move.
âWhat are you doing?â you ask as he moves his hand around your stomach
âTrying to feel herâ he says. His palm flat on your stomach moving from the bottom to the sides, to the top âI wanna feel her before I leaveâ
âHate to tell you this, but you're about a month early for that. And what do you mean by her?â you prop yourself up on your elbows, watching him move his hand around more. Smiling slightly when you see him stick out his tongue in determinationÂ
âYes her, itâs a baby girl I can feel itâ he looks up at you, giving you puppy dog eyes and devilish grin
You move your left hand, taking his chin under your fingers and guiding him towards you for a sweet kiss. He lays you down on the pillows, deepening the kiss. His tongue slipping past your lips, his kiss making you see stars like only he knew how. He swallows your moan when he slips a hand under your shorts, working his way down. He knew the thought of sex was still the last thing on your mind, but he wanted to spend his last few moments at home, in his home. In his favorite place to be. Inside, buried in you.Â
His fingers dip lower, swiping through your folds, finding you already wet. You feel the smile on his lips as he teases you. Grabbing his wrist and breaking this kiss, âmmm no, I want you to remind me how you got the name Catfish, Moralesâ you say breathlessly and his eyes widen. âThen I want you inside me till you have to goâÂ
âYes maâamâÂ
Your legs quiver while he continues to fuck you with his tongue. His mouth was just as magical as his fingers. You wish you could see him, your thighs push together, his hands pushing them apart. Keeping them against the bed, he wanted you open to him.Â
âOh, yes, yesâŚshit. Fraaaaaankieâ you moan. Your eyes rolling back into your head. Hands clutching at the sheets. You know heâs loving watching you come undone. You wish you could see him and the hunger you know that is in his eyes. The orgasm breaks you, you scream his name, tilting your head back against the pillows. The world is on fire in the best way possible.Â
Frankie drinks everything you have to give, not letting a drop go to waste. He rests his head on your thigh. Eyes fixed on your fluttering hole, gentle stroking your other thigh. Your hands releasing their tight grip on the sheets and running through his now much shorter hair. You feel him smile against your leg.Â
He carefully works his way back up towards you, laying on his side next to you. âI didnât say you were dismissed Soldierâ he stares at you for a moment ânow take off your clothes and get back to workâÂ
âAre you sure? I donât wanna hurâŚ.â he starts and you sit up. Wrapping your hands around his neck and pulling him to you. Crashing your lips to his tasting yourself on him. He closes his eyes, a hand holding the back of your head. Keeping you close to him. He takes a deep breath reluctantly pulling away, âyou have to let me know if itâs uncomfortable. PleaseâŚâÂ
You nod, forehead resting against his. Your nose next to his. Biting your bottom lip, you reach for the hem of his gray ribbed tank top. Pulling it up and over his head, tossing it behind him. âPlease, I need youâÂ
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Just A DreamâŚ
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Frankie love his helicopters even if he canât fly right now
also who doesnât love some sprinkles in their pancakes. I donât care how old you getâŚyou get sprinkles in your pancakes you get happy.
It Was Just A Dream...
Chapter Two
Summary: Frankie is all moved in, or is he? A cute game of cat and mouse has an ending you wouldnât expect, Frankieâs mood swings end with an outcome neither of them expected.Â
Words: 5,000+
Rating: 18+ Adult Themes
Warnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
**This is written asa first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankieâs stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isnât an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankieâs belongings were still in taped boxes. We didnât know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff.Â
It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. Heâs been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now donât get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasnât changed. I donât even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. Iâm feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldnât.Â
Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, Iâve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. Itâs been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldnât. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldnât shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal?Â
Itâs late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds. I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day. But I couldnât stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didnât belong here. I stop and gently tap on the open door, âheyâŚyou want some help with those?â
He doesnât look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, âthereâs just so much, I donât know where to startâ he takes a deep breath hanging his headÂ
I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled âshirtsâ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him âWhat?â I groan in frustrationÂ
âThey need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but itâs fineâŚitâs fine. Iâll just do it laterâ he rubs the back of his neck
Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order. Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized. Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasnât fine.
I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesnât see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didnât expect this to be easy, but I also didnât expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didnât think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? âThen refold the shirts and put them in the drawerâ shit was that too aggressive? âI think I might make you feel more at home if you doâ I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it.Â
I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him.Â
I pull out black pair after black pair. There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind canât help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, hisâŚâstop. Donât think about that. Heâs now your roommate you canât do thatâ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I canât but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, âcare to explain theseâ holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smilingÂ
He reaches across and snatches them from my hands ânopeâŚâ he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half âyou got themâ he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black onesÂ
âI did?â I truly donât remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like thatÂ
âYeah, Christmas a few years agoâ he returns his focus to the shirts in the box
âOh my God, youâre right. I didâ I laugh
âYou said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was awayâÂ
Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didnât need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasnât worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos.Â
I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some âglamor shotsâ as a gag gift. Frankieâs in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes oneâs heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, heâs hotâŚâWhat do we have here?â
Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what Iâm holding in my hand. âGive those hereâ he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away
âNopeâŚâ I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more
âLexâ he says, a bit more authoritative, itâs deep and itâs sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between usÂ
I have a small idea, âyou want them?â I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, âthen youâll just have to come and get themâ I smile and turn to run through the door.Â
He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. Heâs on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. Heâs facing me on the other side âLexâŚâ he says. I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm. Â
âGotta be quicker than that Moralesâ I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as Iâm back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didnât think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, heâs standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. Iâm waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, âBad move, Millerâ he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed.Â
I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until heâs hovering over my body. Weâre both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free. âStop movingâ he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing.Â
His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. âFrankieâŚâ I whisperÂ
âHmmmâ he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mineÂ
I donât know what I was going to say, I didnât imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didnât think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I donât know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip.Â
âKISS HIM ALREADYâ my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didnât take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. âHelloâ I stand and walk out of his roomÂ
âWhy didnât I kiss her? She was right thereâŚwould she even want me to kiss her?â He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hairÂ
He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants heâs been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 oâclock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. âBecause you're a pathetic loser, look at you. Sheâd never want you to kiss herâ that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasnât. But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder.Â
âFishieâŚhey Fishâ her voice brings him back. He looks up at her âhey, you ok?
âyeahâŚyeahâ he says, but her face tells him she doesnât believe him.Â
âuhm, ok. I gotta run to work for a bit. Iâm not sure when Iâll be home but thereâs money on the table. Order some take outâ Â
He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close. Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesnât hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he canât feel anything again. He knows he doesnât have much left, but enough to last him at least today. Heâll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didnât find it. Just one hit, thatâs all he needs.
âTake a shower, youâll feel better after a shower. Youâre better than thisâ he can hear Willâs voice.Â
It didnât.
âFood, get some food. Donât do this Catâ the voice says
My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasnât where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film. But itâs a good paying job, and it kept me close to home.Â
Fishie đ: u like Pad Thai đ˛Â
Me: Not really, and I donât think thatâs Pad Thai haha
Fishie đ: oh ok what u want?Â
I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldnât stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Lauraâs desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane.Â
Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai
âWhatâs up Buttercupâ Laura smiles cheerfully
âHave you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?â I look up, the mouths all open âseriously. A friend, not meâÂ
âWhat kind of addiction?â Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answersÂ
âNarcoticsâŚâ I replyÂ
Is this friend living with you?â a nurse asksÂ
I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldnât be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. âSometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I donât even know and itâs only been two weeksâÂ
âJust keep being there for them, donât push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust youâ she puts a hand on top of mineÂ
âYou canât give up on them. No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. Theyâll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you wonât give up on themâÂ
âThanks,â I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasnât responded âI just wish I knew what he needed, he doesnât talkâÂ
âGive it time, he will open up when heâs readyâÂ
'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think
I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. âOh please donât tell me he has a girl hereâ I think to myself moving towards his room. âFrankie?âÂ
T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, heâs shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair.Â
âWhere the fuck is it?!â he shouts as I watch him throw more things around.Â
âWhere is what?â I ask, and instantly regret itÂ
He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. Iâve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. Thereâs an evil glint to his eye and it scares me.Â
âWhere the fuck did you put it Alexandra?â He snarlsÂ
âIf you told me what you are looking forâŚâ I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm.Â
âYOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IâM LOOKING FOR! DONâT PLAY STUPIDâÂ
The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Donât make things worse.Â
What happened to the Frankie from earlier?Â
âI need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can helpâ I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know Iâm here, but heâs breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin.Â
âI know you have it!â he says in an oddly calm manner, âJUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!â He yellsÂ
He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. âGive it to me now Alexâ he growls
âWhat in the hell is your problem!?â I yell shoving his chest back
âYou! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I donât want to be here!â His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back
âFine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Franciscoâ I try to hold back by own tears âI am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit. You donât want to be here, FINEâÂ
ShitâŚI am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a âPoliceâÂ
âYou called the Police?â He shoutsÂ
âIâve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?â I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive âIâm coming!âÂ
I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces
âGood evening maâam. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was okâ the taller officer said
âEverything is fine. Itâs great. Just swellâ my words are dripped with sarcasm
âDo you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer Jamesâ he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, âhey there sir. Mind coming over here for a moment?âÂ
He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, sheâs given up on him. Heâs given up on himself.Â
âWhatâs your name?â The youngest officer asks himÂ
Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. âFrank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer BakerâÂ
Baker keeps asking bin questions. What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest.Â
âWhat branch?âÂ
âExcuse meâ Frankie responds confusedÂ
âYour tattoo?â
âOh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilotâÂ
He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird. Just below a group of trees
âThank you for your service sir. Wait here, I have some stuff for youâ Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol carÂ
He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand.Â
âFor the hundredth time, he didnât hurt me. He would never do thatâ I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me.Â
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house.Â
âMs. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a callâ the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. âHave a good nightâ he walks past me and heads to his car.Â
I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, âheâll be ok. Just give it time. Iâve been there. Heâs got a good girlfriend, just be patient with himâÂ
I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? âWaitâŚwhat?â I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me.Â
Itâs getting late and Iâm hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. âFocus Alexâ. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I canât get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work.Â
I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I canât leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really donât want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in.Â
âI fucked upâŚâ he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alexâs face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didnât even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, sheâs going to find them. He knows it.
The papers were for local rehabs where VAâs held sobriety classes. They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didnât want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. Thatâs where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasnât who he wanted, but she was there. She was a quick fuck. It didnât mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasnât going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, heâll finish cleaning later. Heâll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her.Â
He plops on the couch next to her, she doesnât say anything. She doesnât even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV
âIce cream for dinner?â He asks âgreat icebreaker Morales, you idiotâ his inner demon mocks himÂ
âYeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklinâ she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, âthat and someone didnât buy dinner like I told them tooâÂ
âShe called me FranklinâŚmaybe sheâs not that madâ he reads her face, itâs softenedâŚa hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him âshit. Iâm so sorry that was-âÂ
âNoâŚno I deserved thatâ he interrupts her, âcan I have a bite?âÂ
She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth.Â
âIâm sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream
He looks at the ground, heâs picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle heâs having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me âI am really sorryâ he says againÂ
âWhat happened today?â I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face himÂ
âI was looking forâŚfuckâŚI was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didnât want to do this. I donât want to do this. Rehab didnât do shitâ heâs talking fast and Iâm trying to keep up.Â
He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by. Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesnât know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasnât doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left. A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking.Â
âHow many days has it been?â I askÂ
âI donât know, maybe five days?â He doesnât sound very positiveÂ
âMaybe five days? How many days Frankie?âÂ
âThreeâŚitâs been three days and I am going crazyâ he says âthen we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hitâ he thinks to himselfÂ
âokâ she says and stands up.Â
âWait where are you going?â He asks, panic setting inÂ
Heâs worried that she is going to get his bag, sheâs gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isnât what she signed up for. Sheâs given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret.Â
She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, âok did you use today?â
He shakes his head no âI couldnât find itâ
âright..â she puts a little star sticker on today's date âand you said three days since the last timeâ
He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days
âWhat are you doing?â He asksÂ
That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart. Something like when you were a kid and had chores, youâd get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isnât a kid, I have no idea what the fuck Iâm doing.Â
âThis is stupid, just forget it.â I sigh pushing the stuff away from me
His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer.Â
âWhat is my reward?â He asks curiouslyÂ
âUhmâŚwhat do you want?âÂ
âPancakesâŚâ he says
âPancakes? Really?â and he nods âok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, Iâll make you pancakesâÂ
âWith sprinkles?â His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work
I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, âIâll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinklesâÂ
âHey Lexi, one more thing?â He asks âCan we get some helicopter stickers?â
I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, âyes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickersâÂ
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
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Just A Dream Masterlist
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Hell yeah!
Growing up as a Miller sister youâd have to learn how to hold your own.
It Was Just A Dream
Chapter One
Summary: Think of the worst day of your life, and times that by ten. Finding Frankie hanging on to life by a thread was not something Alex Miller ever thought would happen. When he goes to rehab she thinks things will be better, that was until her step-brother Benny who just happened to also be Frankieâs roommate got called back to action. And now Frankie is her responsibility. And she has no idea what the hell to do.Â
Words: 6311Â
Rating: 18+ SMUT, Adult ThemesWarnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, Reader is somewhat described--longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type-- Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
Just A Dream Masterlist
**This is written as first person, and its my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
**Just like ao3, âcreator chooses not to use warnings.â If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that youâre the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **
It was an early June morning. The rain outside gently tapping against the windowpane. The window still cracked open from the night before letting in a cool breeze that fills the space. The coarse hair under his chin tickled my bare shoulder. Small goosebumps rise on my arm as he lifts his head and places a kiss on the exposed skin. A sigh of content makes him smile. His skilled, calloused fingers trail up and down the curves of my body. His lips find my shoulder again as his hand wraps around me, his large hand finding a home on my bare stomach. Those long fingers of his inching lower and lower, giving me every chance to tell him to stop. Instead I wiggle back, closer to him pressing my body against his.
His thick member pressed against me, just begging to let him in. Grinding against him, letting him know that I want it too. His hand wraps around the meat of my thigh, lifting it up and angling himself to get closer, the tip just teasing my entrance now. At what feels like a snail's pace he begins to push himself inside. Filling me with exactly what I wanted, and him being embraced by the warmth he so desperately craved. I could get use to this wake up call, and he seems to enjoy it too.
âMmmhmmâ I sigh. Eyes still closed, caught in that hazy state. Somewhere between dreamland and reality. I moan again as he pushes further, my hand that was gripping the bed sheet moves behind me searching for him. Cupping his cheek, he turns and places a kiss to my palm before my fingers slide further back finding those luscious chestnut brown locks. Iâve always been jealous of his hair, how soft it was, those curls that formed perfectly at the nape of his neck, youâd have to kill me before Iâd ever actually admit to that though.
He takes his time, slowly pulling out before snapping his hips to fill me again. His tights slapping against the back of mine with every thrust. Unlike last night, there is no rush. No hurry, no fear of getting caught. Slow, and lazy letting us both enjoy this time. His deep throaty grunts against my skin, and breathy moans of his name fill the space in between thrusts. Fingers tangled into his hair, he thrusts harder and deeper, hitting that spot just right, working me closer and closer to the edge. Pulling his hair only makes him work harder to fill my every need and desire. I pull his hair, bringing his lips to mine. Moving my body just enough that he starts to hit that spot, that spot only he has found. He swallows my moan, my walls tighten around him gripping him like a vice. Feeling very ridge of his thick cock. OneâŚTwoâŚThree more strong, deep thrusts have him spilling into me, painting my walls with everything he has to give. My fingers still tangled into his hair, holding him close, terrified if I let him go heâll float away.
He continues to slowly rock his hips, riding out the high heâs just given me. Our lips move as one, the kisses slow, tender. Bodies tangled together, he has taken my breath away literally and figuratively. I have to pull away at some point, turning my head away from him to try and catch my breath. His lips brush over the shell of my ear, his deep baritone voice asking if I was ok, and nod a yes to him before turning to find his eyes and I know that this is what heaven is. He kisses my cheek, kissing every inch of skin he can working his way down to my jaw, my neck, my shoulder. My skin burns with every kiss, every nerve being brought to life. Feeling his teeth graze against my skin before he bites down. His teeth are digging in and there is a loud banging on the bedroom door, my eyes fly open.
Sitting up, I see Frankie leaning against the doorframe of the now open door, âRise and shineâŚâ he smiles, my face is in complete shock and he must have noticed, âshit Lex, are you ok?â
I donât answer him right away, he calls my name again. Shaking my head, trying to figure out how just moments again that man who was balls deep, worshiping my naked body is now fully clothed leaning against my doorframe. âHmm? Oh yeah, yeah. Iâm great. Just a uh just a dreamâ I finally respond.Â
SIX YEARS EARLIER
I just settled down on the back patio, a good book in hand and a rush cup of coffee, which some might say was more creamer than coffee. But I donât care, it had been a long week in the office, and I was ready to sit and relax on a Saturday morning. The familiar ringtone of âIâm bringing sexy backâ started to play, a ringtone that he picked just to annoy the shit outta me. Before I was even able to say hello after pushing the green button, his panicked voice came through the speaker.
âAlex, I think I lost FishâŚâ I hear him running around his house
âHow in the hell do you lose a fully grown man Benjamin?â I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. I was tired, and I didnât wanna deal with this shit today
âGee, I donât know AlexandraâŚâhe says my name sarcastically â...maybe, it could be because I was distracted by this banging redhead I brought him from the bar last nightâ
âEw, eww, ewwwâŚgross Benâ I stop him before he can continue âI donât need to hear or know any of this information. Step-sister or not, I donât need or want to know the details of your sex life. That is a line we do not crossâ
My name is Alexandra, or Alex Miller. I joined the Miller clan when I was about 8 years old, same age as Benny, Benjamin Miller. And a few years younger than Will, our older brother. My mom was a widow and met Mr. Miller on an on-line dating site before on-line dating was cool. Sure, we Miller kids became close over the years, but you are never that close to share that kind of information, real siblings or step siblings.
âWhen was the last time you saw him?â I askÂ
âThis morning, when the sun was rising. I was brining Stephanie some coffeeâ he sounded so proud of himself for remembering the girls name, âI walked by his room and he was still laying in bed, itâs been about an hour since I last saw himâ he sighs âcan you please help me find himâ
âYou last an hour?â I try to joke with him
âNot the time for your little jabs Miller. Help me find himâÂ
âOf course, call if you find him firstâ I end the call and slide the phone into my leggings pocket, dumping the coffee into the sink and throwing the rest of the coffee in the sink. Grabbing a hoodie and the car keys I jog to my car. It was time to find Fish.
Before I back out of the driveway I remember a text from him earlier in the morning, I didnât think much of it. He had been sending a lot of random one word texts to me lately
Fishie đ: Lexi, Iâm sorry
He was the only person in the world that was allowed to call me that
I knew where he was, itâs the same place I would go when the world and life became too much and I wanted to escape. I showed him this park the first time we met. It was after Bennyâs first deployment, and they brought home Frankie with them. There weren't many places to escape to in this small town, everyone knew where you were all the time and it at times can be a lot. This park was a place I could go that was just far enough from downtown that I was able to escape and take a minute to breathe. Â
There wasnât many cars when I pulled into the lot, many of the cars were parked near the trailhead, none of them were the car I was in search of. I glance towards the back, near the picnic tables and the lake, spotting his truck and I move my car and park in front of his.
Killing the engine I take a deep breath. Thoughts of why I didn't text him back run through my head, but what was going to say? Sorry for what and then never get a response. He had nothing to be sorry for. I open my door and walk towards the drivers side window of his old beat up Chevy. Peeking in, I donât see him. Empty beer bottles, and a few pill bottles tossed on the floorboard and my heart starts to race. I step to the bed of the truck, nothing. I move back to the front of his truck, place the back of my hand to the hood, itâs cool to the touch and I realize heâs been here for a while.Â
âShit, FishâŚwhere the fuck are you?â I say into the emptiness around me, I am trying to not panic after what I saw in the truck. But itâs useless as not only panic, but fear sinks in
I turn and start to walk towards the tables and the waters edge. The closer I get I notice a body, about his size, heâs slumped over one of the tables and my feet run towards it. Seeing a black hat, I started to yell his name. The limp body becomes more into focus the closer I get, that stupid Standard Oil hat he always wears coming into view, the tan jacket he would let me wear some nights. Yelling his name, trying to get his attention to no prevail I run faster. His back was leaning against the table, his body slouched. Head down and arms at his sides, palms face up. Getting closer I see his eyes closed, and his face flushed, he looks ghostly. I touch his forehead to find him clammy and barely breathing. I grab his wrist in search of a pulse.
âFuck, FrankieâŚFrankie, wake upâ I rub his chest, pushing harder the louder I yell his name trying to get him to wake up, nothing is working and I reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone.
â9 1 1 what is your emergency?â a calm voice answers
Francisco Morales, or Frankie to most. Catfish or Fish to those who knew him best. Or Fishie to me, is a highly trained and skilled pilot in the special forces branch of the Army. He is an expert pilot with medals to prove it, that was up till a few months ago He suffered an injury in a routine training exercise that went bad. A shoulder injury that just wouldnât heal. A doctor had given him pain meds to help, and after a surgery he was given stronger meds. Those pain meds slowly lead to other drugs, which lead him to cocaine. When he got caught his entire life started to fall apart. Tom, his Captain, had tried to get him another chance, but by the third time he was out. Tom did everything he could, and finally was able to convince to be medically discharged, because of his injury, so he could still receive his benefits. Saying the addiction was their fault, which he did have a point. Benny offered him his spare room to help him get his life back together. But over the course of the year, taking care of Frankie became more than he signed up for. He was more of a parent then a friend and Benny didnât know what else to do.
âNo...noâŚI donât know what he took. Heâs barely breathing and his pulse is very weakâ I say between sobs, trying to keep it together just enough for help to arrive. I was in way over my head âjust please, please send help!â
âI have police and fire on their way maâam. They are moving as fast as they can. How long has he been unresponsive?â the voice on the other end was annoyingly calm, I knew she had to be, but it was pissing me off
âI DONâT KNOW!â I scream into the phone, âJust please hurry. FishâŚhey Fishie, Iâm gonna need you to wake up now, please. WAKE UPâ tears begin to fall, I rest my forehead against his. A silent prayer being said, to whoever would listen, the police sirens growing louder and louder through the valley of the mountains. I look up seeing the red and blue lights flash off the rocks moving towards us, âthey are here, someone is hereâ my voice cracks
A young woman officer is soon by our side. I reluctantly slid away from Frankie, letting the officer start to work. Watching as the officer pulls something from her pocket, popping the top off on her leg, she shoves the nozzle into Frankies nose. Everything was becoming a blur, it felt like time was standing still, I felt frozen in time while the world around me was pushed to fast forward. Fire and paramedics had shown up at some point, and they moved him to a stretcher. Frankieâs eyes were open and he was fighting to get out of the bed. The paramedics having to restrain him against the bed, getting him to stop thrashing around. I feel his eyes lock onto mine and they push him away, and I know he can see the tears I feel falling. Will wrapped his arms around me letting me fall into him, my face buried into his chest.
Benny was being interviewed by an officer, they were trying to piece together what he took and what led to this moment. I hung onto Will, while the same questions were being asked to me. A search of the truck while Frankie was in the back of the ambulance being taken care of.
Over the years Frankie had become like family. Anytime the boys were home for an extended period of time, Frankie would tag along. The Miller home became his home. Frankie and I had become close, I was someone he could trust, a safe place for all his secrets. Things about life, he could never talk to the guys about. He hated talking, he hated how people would feel sorry for him, except for me. My feelings towards Frankie never changed. If he wanted advice, I was there, if he just wanted to vent I was there.Â
I had developed a crush on him, and if you met him youâd understand. His soft brown eyes, his boyish smile, with a stupid little dimple. He had a calm and steady demeanor about him. The way he would look at me when he talked, or when I would go on about some stupid celebrity gossip he didnât care about. He looked at me like I held the answers to all the questions, and it made me feel special. But he was off limits, heâs my brother's best friend and teammate, he was family. I know Benny and Will, despite being step-brothers, are the most protective people in the world and would kill any man that broke my heart. Iâve kept this little crush a secret, or at least I thought I did, I always felt like Will knew.Â
Frankieâs vitals were normal, the police didnât find a reason to arrest him so he was released. He refused to go to the hospital. Frankie walks to his truck, the three of us standing watching and waiting for him. He digs his hands into his pockets looking for his keys which you have in your hand. Â
âIâm not going to the hospitalâ he says matter of factly, âwhere the fuck are my keysâ he growls looking directly at Benny who throws his hands up in defenseÂ
âDonât look at meâ
âHe doesnât have themâ I say, gripping the key so tight itâs starting to leave an inaction âFrankieâ
âDonâtâ he looks at me and I can see the betrayal in his eyes âspare me the I should be better and give me my fucking keys Lexi. I want to go homeâÂ
âYou were knocking on death's door when I found you Franciscoâ I never called him that, heâs always been Fishie or Fish. He knew he had let me down anytime that name was used. âYou were barely breathing, I couldnât find a pulse. What did you want me to do? You donât want to go to the hospital, thatâs fine. Thatâs your choice, but there is no way in hell I am letting you get behind the wheel and possibly kill someone, or yourself because you werenât paying attentionâ I grip the keys tighter. I am surprised at how strong my voice is despite my heart breaking inside.Â
His jaw ticks, his tell that heâs angry. His hand flexâs in a fish, heâs frustrated, tired, angry and ashamed. âFuck. And how exactly do I get home? Walk?â He knows he isnât getting the key, unlike the guys I donât back down from him
âIâm taking your truckâ Will finally speaks up, he had known Frankie the longest. They went through basic together. Other than me, Will is the only one he seems to listen to. Years spent alongside each other, and Santiago Garcia, they have been through some shit. The kind of shit that bonds you in ways normal people wouldnât understand. âYou can ride with me, or AlexâÂ
âWhat about Ben?â He asksÂ
âI have shit to fix,â Benny sighs
The three of us knew the answer. There was no way he would be getting in the car with me. The look of disappointment was enough for him to stay away, he didnât want to hear my lecture to him. Riding with Will would give him what he needed, look out the window, air in his face and being able to blare the music so loud it would drown out his thoughts. Riding with me, it would be anything but that.Â
âFuck, fineâŚletâs go Willâ he walks past us, bumping my shoulder as he does, he avoids eye contact with me and it breaks my heart even more. âWill, no talkingâ he yells as he waits for Will at the doorÂ
Will wraps his arms around me, I give him pleading eyes and he seems to know what Iâm asking without me saying a word âIâll tryâ he whispers before walking to the truck and starting it.Â
The cool breeze on his face was just what he needed. The final notes to âsmoke on the waterâ begin to fade on the truck's speakers. Willâs hand reaches to turn the volume down. Frankie opens his eyes and turns his head to face Will whose eyes remain focused on the road ahead. Will was determined to get him to talk, he was just waiting for the right moment.Â
âJesus Christ, just say it already. I know you want toâ Frankie sighs, his own voice yelling inside his head
âSay what?â Will replies, his voice calmÂ
âPleaseâŚâ Frankie scoffs, âthat Iâm a loser, a huge fucking disappointment. How I am letting people down. That I should be better. You know all the things Lex would be telling me right nowâ Frankie closes his eyes. âMaybe I should have just gone to the hospitalâ he thinks to himselfÂ
Willâs focus remained on the road, he sighs and takes a deep breath. This isnât the first time theyâve had this conversation. Will had this talk with him the first time he was caught with pain meds that werenât his.Â
âSheâs right, you should beâÂ
âI have nothing left Will. All I have ever known, all I have ever been good at is being a pilot. I know how to fly and I know how to kill. Iâm useless here, maybe I shouldnât evenâ
âFuck that Fish, you better not finish that thoughtâ Will pulls to the side of the road slamming on the breaks and turns to face him, âyou are not useless, you have so much to live forâ
Frankie rolls his eyes, âlike what? My girl left me before I even landed. She heard the words âdrug problemâ and she ran. Iâm basically homeless, I live with Benny. Iâm jobless, Iâm useless. Face it Will, I am useless and nobody needs meâ
âMonica was a bitchâ Will says, Frankie shakes his head in disagreementÂ
âShe was smart. She got out when she could, she didnât let me drag her downâ Frankie looks down, his voice grows quiet âsomething my Mom should have done with my DadâÂ
There is a long pause, the silence is deafening. His heart pounding in his chest. Will stays silentÂ
âHe died on my birthday ya know. I was 12, maybe 13. When she came to tell me, it wasnât like she was sad or anything. It was relief?â He says it as a question because even after all these years, he still doesnât understand the feeling his mother had. âShe said something about us not having to worry anymore. ShitâŚâ he rubs his face âIâm just like himâÂ
Will stays silent, he didnât know this story. Frankie had always stayed quiet about his life as a kid. Saying joining the Army was his way out of a shit situation. Will knew he had to help his friend, his brother. But heâs tried, this time Frankie was going to have to be the one that asked for it. Will looks at Frankie, Frankieâs hands shaking âFishâŚâ
âI need helpâ
I havenât heard from him for a few days, it wasnât out of the normal. But I expected to hear something from him, maybe a âthank you for saving my lifeâ would have been nice. He was mad, I was mad, and it turned the rocky road even rockier. Will mentioned they talked but not much more than that. It was a Friday night, and I just poured myself a glass of rose, getting ready to Netflix and chill alone. Thereâs a gentle knock on the door and I sigh, Iâm in sweats and an oversized shirt, I donât want to answer the door.Â
When I do, I see Frankie standing there, hands in his pocket, like a nervous high school kid knocking on the door of his crush. Heâs rocking back and forth not looking at her just yet.Â
âHeyâ he says shyly, his eyes traveling up from my bare feet to my eyesÂ
âHiâ I cross my armsÂ
We stand there in awkward silence, I notice Benny sitting in the car, and I look back to Frankie chewing on the inside of his cheek, âFish, what are you doing here?â I finally ask
âIâm gonna get the help I needâ he finally looks at me again. He stares into my eyes, âIâm sorry you found me like that. I didnât mean to hurt youâÂ
âFrankieâŚâ I swallow hard, uncrossing my arms and taking a step towards him. Wrapping my arms around his waistÂ
âIâll see you soonâ he says hugging me tentatively and I can feel his heart racingÂ
âIâm happy for youâ I pull away, his hands hold my waist, his eyes watery as he looks at me âyouâll be ok, Iâll see you soonâ I try to smile
Iâm happy for him, heâs going to get the help he needs, I just hope this time it works. He nods, quickly adjusting his cap. Then he leans in and kisses my cheek, he turns and runs back to Benny, his face must have been a mirror image of mine. Shock is probably an understatement.Â
âShut up Benâ I hear him say closing the car door
White walls.
White floors.Â
White bed sheets.Â
Everything in this place is white, and Frankie hates it all. Itâs sterile, the only pop of color is the small garden outside his window, and that nurse Nicole who has been getting to know him. In more ways than one. Frankie hated it, he wanted out, he wanted a hit of somethingâŚother than NicoleâŚshe was great, sure. But he needed something stronger, something to take the edge off.Â
He wondered if this was what hell was like. Listening to people's sob stories of what ended them up here in this white prison. An older gentleman with dark gray hair, and sober blue eyes was going on and on about what brought him here. Frankie wasnât listening just like he wasnât listening the first dozen times he heard this story. He was focused on the rain drops hitting the window outside.Â
ââŚI should have done this a long time ago. I pushed away everyone who cared about me, and wanted to help me. I didnât think I needed help, we are all soldiers, we donât ask for help. I just hope that when this is done and I get out of here they can find it in their hearts to forgive meâ the man says, finishing his speech and the small group claps for him
It had been a little over three weeks here, meaning Frankie only had a week left. He had spent every class sitting in the back on the hard uncomfortable chairs listening to people share their stores of what brought them here. He wished he was anywhere else, he would have even being back on the battlefield was better compared to this. This was a nightmare. He was counting down the minutes, the seconds until the little bell would chime letting him know it was time for lunch. He was trying to remain low, stay out of the way and do as little as possible just to get this done and over with.
âMr. MoralesâŚâ the instructor speaks. Karen was her name? Maybe, he didnât know. He didnât care. She was nice, going along with Frankie hiding in the background, but if he was going to graduate and be able to leave this place, she was going to need him to open up.
His eyes widen, heart races âhmmâŚwhat?â everyone still seated in their seats âWould you care to share with us today?â she smiles at him
âWell, uhhâŚ.â all eyes are suddenly on him, âI would but, you know itâs time for lunchâ. The little bell chimes again, and Frankie claps his hands together. âSaved by the bellâ and there are a few awkward chuckles around him. People slowly standing and moving their chairs to the side. Frankie stands and folds up his chair, his name being called just as he reaches the door.
Karen standing in front of him, âcan we chat for a minute?â she asks with a look that no wasnât going to be taken as an answer
âI would, but see itâs taco night, and if you donât get there early you get stuck with all the broken shellsâÂ
A little ironic, broken shells for the broken man.
âFrankieâŚâ she sighs
âIâŚuhâŚI, youâre not gonna take no will you?â he asks and she nods in agreement, âShit, fine. He walks towards her desk, grabbing a chair along the way. It was times like this he wishes they would have let him keep his hat. His safety net, he wanted to put it on and pull it down where you couldnât see his eyes.Â
âWhy are you here?â she asks
âI had heard this place and some great food,â he laughs, and she doesnât even crack a smile, âtough crowd. Ok, My friends said I needed to get helpâ
âWhat do you think? Do you think you need help?â
âI donât knowâ he leans back and crosses his arms
âThen why are you here?â she asks again, âif you donât know why you are here, if you are here just for your friends, and you donât want to be hereâŚwhy stay? No one is forcing you to be hereâÂ
Thatâs a lie, there's guards at the front door.
âItâs not like I can just walk out the front door. I already tried that. I donât know, I might need help, but this addiction isnât my fault. Itâs also not my fault that the one personâŚthe onlyâŚthat someone who cares about me, that I care about found meâ he wipes his eyes, not wanting to let the tears actually fall âI didnât ask her to come find meâ
Lie. He sent that text to her, knowing she could come find him. She always did.
âAnd why didnât you share that, thatâs why we are here. We are here to help you.âÂ
âEveryone has been saying that, maybe I donât want help. Look, I donât mean to be an asshole. But what does sharing stories do? Like George, and the, I pushed people away bullshit. His story is nothing like mine. I donât care about these people, and they sure in hell donât give a fuck about meâÂ
âBecause, everyone here is a lot more like you than you think. For example, Steve you should talk to himâÂ
âSteve?â Frankie asked
âYes, the gentleman at the endâŚthe one you just called George. His name is SteveâÂ
The next few days were spent getting to know Steve. Frankie hated sharing anything personal but the two of them did have something in common. Steve happened to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force, getting hooked on painkillers after he had retired. Karen was right, this guy was actually pretty ok. They exchanged information, Steve letting him know that he had a friend who could help with the addiction. Â
It was finally day 30, the day he was counting down too since he got to this place. He had just finished packing up his shit when there was a gentle hand on his back. Nicole, she wanted to make sure she was able to give him the proper send off.Â
He pushes her so sheâs bent over his bed. Lifting her white dress, and sliding her panties to the side. Unzipping his own jeans, he pushes into her in one swift motion. A hand covering her mouth as she moans out his name. He wasnât going to miss this place, he wasnât even sure if he was going to miss this. Yeah, she was good and always ready for him. But she wasnât the girl he wished she was.Â
His back towards the door, and he continues to rock into Nicole when thereâs a knock on his door. He turns to see it slowly being pushed open and his friend, Santiago Garcia standing there. Santiago leaning against the frame, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.Â
âSome things never change, do they Cat?â Santiago sighsÂ
Frankie hadnât seen Santi, or Pope since he was kicked out of the Army. Pope wanting to spend time with his girl and the possibility of starting a family. Frankie pulls out of Nicole practically shoving her face first onto the mattress. He quickly tucks himself back into his jeans, smiling at Pope.Â
âWhat the hell are you doing here?â Frankie asks. Heâs happy and slightly confused
âIâm here to bust your ass outta hereâ he chuckles, âbut that doesnât seem to be the only thing ready to bustâÂ
âShut up CabrĂłnâ Frankie watches as Nicole adjusts herself and moves out of the room. He knows he should have felt guilty but honestly he really didnât care. âWhereâs Ben?â
âHad some shit to take care of. Will and I came to get you, heâs up front taking care of some paperwork. I donât know he told me to come get youâ he shrugsÂ
âYou know you always sucked at lying rightâ Frankie bends over to pick up the duffle bag and walks out of the bedroom heading to the front door where Will was waitingÂ
âHeyâŚhey wait, what about that little chick?â Pope calls after himÂ
âYou want me to what?â I ask in disbelief, watching as Benny makes himself at home on my sofa
Frankie was coming home today, and I had planned a small party for him. Just a little something, some pizza and being around his friends. This was all planned before Benny told me he would be leaving a few days after Frankie got out.Â
âHe needs to stay with someone for a while, they donât want him to be alone in case of a relapseâ Benny says leaning his head back, âpleaseâŚI canât not go, I donât have a job that allows me to say ânoâ to themâÂ
âIâŚI, why me?â I stutter out the words
âHe trusts youâ Benny manages to say just as the door opens and Will walks inÂ
âHeyâ he says awkwardly, somehow knowing that Benny just asked youÂ
It was the most awkward pizza dinner of my life. No one really saying anything. Frankie staring at his slice of pizza picking off the toppings. I had picked up a mushroom and pepperoni one just for him. I knew it was his favorite and watching him sit uncomfortable breaks my heart
âSo who was that cute little blonde you had in bed, Fish?â Pope asked, leave it to him to make it even more uncomfortableÂ
Frankie gave him a look, the term âif looks could killâ was 100% true and Santiago is lucky he wasnât six-feet under right now.Â
âShe was a nurse, at least thatâs what they call them there. More like a maid if anythingâ Frankie groans pushing his plate away âI gotta peeâÂ
I watch as he gets up and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. Santiago going on about how he walked in on him and the so-called nurse. âShe was fucking hot tooâ I roll my eyes, and look back to Benny.Â
âI really donât need to hear thisâÂ
Trying to tune out what they are saying, I too start to pick at the crust of my half eaten pizza. I really donât need to know about his sexcapades anymore then I need to hear about Bennys. The only difference, I am jealous of this girl I donât even know. The conversation slowly turns to what they are going to do with Frankie. How do deal with him, the addiction that they are sure wasnât solved in the 30 days that he was there.Â
âHas anyone even asked him what he wanted?â I finally ask, listening to them talking like he isnât even there.Â
âIt doesnât matter, the doctors said he needs to be with someone, at least for a whileâ Benny sighsÂ
Frankie comes back, setting a coin on the table. âIf you want to talk about me like Iâm not even here. You might want to make sure I canât hear you. Or better yet, I can make it easier on you all and not fucking be hereâÂ
âFrankieâŚwaitâ I grab the coin from the table and stand up, âwhat the fuck is wrong with you guys?â I turn and chase after himÂ
He doesnât have a car, his home for the last few years is too far to walk. He has no money and canât afford a cab. He opens the front door and stops leaning against the small fence on the front porch. His hands grip the top post, his head down, he wants to disappear but has no place to go.Â
âHeyâŚâ I say softly, closing the door behind me and moving closer to him âyou forgot thisâ
I hold the silver coin towards him. A large â30 daysâ written on it. He looks at me, his eyes flicking from the coin to my eyes and I feel frozen. He lifts his hand grabbing the coin from me and throwing it into the yard, âthis doesnât fucking mean anythingâ his voice cracks âwhy did you have to find me? Yâall would have been better offâ he looks away. Staring out in front of himÂ
âOkâŚâ I sigh, confused and hurt by what he said. I didnât mean to say that. It just kinda can out. I didnât know what else to say. His eyes turn to me, angry and watery. I swallow hard, and try to think of the next word. âDo you want to stay here?âÂ
What the fuck kinda question is that? He literally just told me I shouldnât have found him. He just spent 30 days in a rehab facility. He seemed so happy when he told me he was going to get help and now. This isnât the Frankie that left saying he wanted help.Â
âNot reallyâŚnothing against you. But I donât understand why I canât just stay at home. Well, Bennyâs homeâ he turns his body and leans against the fence. Crossing his arms. âI am tired of people telling me what to do. I had a whole month of it, tell us your feelings Frankie, hereâs what weâre eating FrankieâŚâÂ
âBecause Morales, the docs at the rehab facility want you to stay with someone incase of a relapse. You can stay here or head back to rehab. Iâm sure Nicole would be happy to welcome you backâ Benny had joined us, sitting on the swinging bench
âIf you want to stay hereâŚIâd like you to stay. But I understand if you donâtâ I tell him, giving Benny an evil glare. âI promise to give you your space. And you can have Nicole stop by if you wantâÂ
âOh my god, enough with Nicole. She was a good time thatâs fucking it. Itâs not like Iâm gonna marry her. Iâm not doing this because you're telling me tooâ Frankie groans in defeat
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist.
And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters
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HAHA!! The pancake thing will hopefully make a little more sense down the road, it brings up memories for him.
ALL THE STICKERS
It Was Just A Dream...
Chapter Two
Summary: Frankie is all moved in, or is he? A cute game of cat and mouse has an ending you wouldnât expect, Frankieâs mood swings end with an outcome neither of them expected.Â
Words: 5,000+
Rating: 18+ Adult Themes
Warnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
**This is written asa first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankieâs stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isnât an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankieâs belongings were still in taped boxes. We didnât know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff.Â
It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. Heâs been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now donât get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasnât changed. I donât even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. Iâm feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldnât.Â
Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, Iâve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. Itâs been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldnât. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldnât shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal?Â
Itâs late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds. I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day. But I couldnât stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didnât belong here. I stop and gently tap on the open door, âheyâŚyou want some help with those?â
He doesnât look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, âthereâs just so much, I donât know where to startâ he takes a deep breath hanging his headÂ
I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled âshirtsâ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him âWhat?â I groan in frustrationÂ
âThey need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but itâs fineâŚitâs fine. Iâll just do it laterâ he rubs the back of his neck
Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order. Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized. Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasnât fine.
I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesnât see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didnât expect this to be easy, but I also didnât expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didnât think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? âThen refold the shirts and put them in the drawerâ shit was that too aggressive? âI think I might make you feel more at home if you doâ I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it.Â
I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him.Â
I pull out black pair after black pair. There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind canât help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, hisâŚâstop. Donât think about that. Heâs now your roommate you canât do thatâ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I canât but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, âcare to explain theseâ holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smilingÂ
He reaches across and snatches them from my hands ânopeâŚâ he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half âyou got themâ he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black onesÂ
âI did?â I truly donât remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like thatÂ
âYeah, Christmas a few years agoâ he returns his focus to the shirts in the box
âOh my God, youâre right. I didâ I laugh
âYou said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was awayâÂ
Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didnât need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasnât worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos.Â
I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some âglamor shotsâ as a gag gift. Frankieâs in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes oneâs heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, heâs hotâŚâWhat do we have here?â
Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what Iâm holding in my hand. âGive those hereâ he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away
âNopeâŚâ I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more
âLexâ he says, a bit more authoritative, itâs deep and itâs sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between usÂ
I have a small idea, âyou want them?â I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, âthen youâll just have to come and get themâ I smile and turn to run through the door.Â
He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. Heâs on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. Heâs facing me on the other side âLexâŚâ he says. I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm. Â
âGotta be quicker than that Moralesâ I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as Iâm back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didnât think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, heâs standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. Iâm waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, âBad move, Millerâ he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed.Â
I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until heâs hovering over my body. Weâre both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free. âStop movingâ he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing.Â
His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. âFrankieâŚâ I whisperÂ
âHmmmâ he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mineÂ
I donât know what I was going to say, I didnât imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didnât think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I donât know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip.Â
âKISS HIM ALREADYâ my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didnât take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. âHelloâ I stand and walk out of his roomÂ
âWhy didnât I kiss her? She was right thereâŚwould she even want me to kiss her?â He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hairÂ
He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants heâs been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 oâclock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. âBecause you're a pathetic loser, look at you. Sheâd never want you to kiss herâ that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasnât. But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder.Â
âFishieâŚhey Fishâ her voice brings him back. He looks up at her âhey, you ok?
âyeahâŚyeahâ he says, but her face tells him she doesnât believe him.Â
âuhm, ok. I gotta run to work for a bit. Iâm not sure when Iâll be home but thereâs money on the table. Order some take outâ Â
He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close. Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesnât hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he canât feel anything again. He knows he doesnât have much left, but enough to last him at least today. Heâll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didnât find it. Just one hit, thatâs all he needs.
âTake a shower, youâll feel better after a shower. Youâre better than thisâ he can hear Willâs voice.Â
It didnât.
âFood, get some food. Donât do this Catâ the voice says
My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasnât where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film. But itâs a good paying job, and it kept me close to home.Â
Fishie đ: u like Pad Thai đ˛Â
Me: Not really, and I donât think thatâs Pad Thai haha
Fishie đ: oh ok what u want?Â
I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldnât stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Lauraâs desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane.Â
Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai
âWhatâs up Buttercupâ Laura smiles cheerfully
âHave you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?â I look up, the mouths all open âseriously. A friend, not meâÂ
âWhat kind of addiction?â Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answersÂ
âNarcoticsâŚâ I replyÂ
Is this friend living with you?â a nurse asksÂ
I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldnât be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. âSometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I donât even know and itâs only been two weeksâÂ
âJust keep being there for them, donât push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust youâ she puts a hand on top of mineÂ
âYou canât give up on them. No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. Theyâll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you wonât give up on themâÂ
âThanks,â I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasnât responded âI just wish I knew what he needed, he doesnât talkâÂ
âGive it time, he will open up when heâs readyâÂ
'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think
I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. âOh please donât tell me he has a girl hereâ I think to myself moving towards his room. âFrankie?âÂ
T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, heâs shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair.Â
âWhere the fuck is it?!â he shouts as I watch him throw more things around.Â
âWhere is what?â I ask, and instantly regret itÂ
He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. Iâve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. Thereâs an evil glint to his eye and it scares me.Â
âWhere the fuck did you put it Alexandra?â He snarlsÂ
âIf you told me what you are looking forâŚâ I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm.Â
âYOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IâM LOOKING FOR! DONâT PLAY STUPIDâÂ
The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Donât make things worse.Â
What happened to the Frankie from earlier?Â
âI need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can helpâ I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know Iâm here, but heâs breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin.Â
âI know you have it!â he says in an oddly calm manner, âJUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!â He yellsÂ
He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. âGive it to me now Alexâ he growls
âWhat in the hell is your problem!?â I yell shoving his chest back
âYou! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I donât want to be here!â His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back
âFine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Franciscoâ I try to hold back by own tears âI am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit. You donât want to be here, FINEâÂ
ShitâŚI am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a âPoliceâÂ
âYou called the Police?â He shoutsÂ
âIâve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?â I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive âIâm coming!âÂ
I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces
âGood evening maâam. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was okâ the taller officer said
âEverything is fine. Itâs great. Just swellâ my words are dripped with sarcasm
âDo you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer Jamesâ he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, âhey there sir. Mind coming over here for a moment?âÂ
He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, sheâs given up on him. Heâs given up on himself.Â
âWhatâs your name?â The youngest officer asks himÂ
Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. âFrank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer BakerâÂ
Baker keeps asking bin questions. What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest.Â
âWhat branch?âÂ
âExcuse meâ Frankie responds confusedÂ
âYour tattoo?â
âOh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilotâÂ
He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird. Just below a group of trees
âThank you for your service sir. Wait here, I have some stuff for youâ Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol carÂ
He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand.Â
âFor the hundredth time, he didnât hurt me. He would never do thatâ I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me.Â
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house.Â
âMs. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a callâ the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. âHave a good nightâ he walks past me and heads to his car.Â
I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, âheâll be ok. Just give it time. Iâve been there. Heâs got a good girlfriend, just be patient with himâÂ
I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? âWaitâŚwhat?â I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me.Â
Itâs getting late and Iâm hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. âFocus Alexâ. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I canât get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work.Â
I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I canât leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really donât want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in.Â
âI fucked upâŚâ he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alexâs face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didnât even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, sheâs going to find them. He knows it.
The papers were for local rehabs where VAâs held sobriety classes. They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didnât want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. Thatâs where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasnât who he wanted, but she was there. She was a quick fuck. It didnât mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasnât going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, heâll finish cleaning later. Heâll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her.Â
He plops on the couch next to her, she doesnât say anything. She doesnât even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV
âIce cream for dinner?â He asks âgreat icebreaker Morales, you idiotâ his inner demon mocks himÂ
âYeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklinâ she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, âthat and someone didnât buy dinner like I told them tooâÂ
âShe called me FranklinâŚmaybe sheâs not that madâ he reads her face, itâs softenedâŚa hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him âshit. Iâm so sorry that was-âÂ
âNoâŚno I deserved thatâ he interrupts her, âcan I have a bite?âÂ
She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth.Â
âIâm sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream
He looks at the ground, heâs picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle heâs having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me âI am really sorryâ he says againÂ
âWhat happened today?â I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face himÂ
âI was looking forâŚfuckâŚI was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didnât want to do this. I donât want to do this. Rehab didnât do shitâ heâs talking fast and Iâm trying to keep up.Â
He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by. Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesnât know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasnât doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left. A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking.Â
âHow many days has it been?â I askÂ
âI donât know, maybe five days?â He doesnât sound very positiveÂ
âMaybe five days? How many days Frankie?âÂ
âThreeâŚitâs been three days and I am going crazyâ he says âthen we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hitâ he thinks to himselfÂ
âokâ she says and stands up.Â
âWait where are you going?â He asks, panic setting inÂ
Heâs worried that she is going to get his bag, sheâs gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isnât what she signed up for. Sheâs given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret.Â
She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, âok did you use today?â
He shakes his head no âI couldnât find itâ
âright..â she puts a little star sticker on today's date âand you said three days since the last timeâ
He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days
âWhat are you doing?â He asksÂ
That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart. Something like when you were a kid and had chores, youâd get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isnât a kid, I have no idea what the fuck Iâm doing.Â
âThis is stupid, just forget it.â I sigh pushing the stuff away from me
His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer.Â
âWhat is my reward?â He asks curiouslyÂ
âUhmâŚwhat do you want?âÂ
âPancakesâŚâ he says
âPancakes? Really?â and he nods âok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, Iâll make you pancakesâÂ
âWith sprinkles?â His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work
I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, âIâll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinklesâÂ
âHey Lexi, one more thing?â He asks âCan we get some helicopter stickers?â
I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, âyes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickersâÂ
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
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Frankie wants to be better; he knows he needs to.
And I love Alex and her caring but hard nose attitude towards the guys.
It Was Just A Dream
Chapter One
Summary: Think of the worst day of your life, and times that by ten. Finding Frankie hanging on to life by a thread was not something Alex Miller ever thought would happen. When he goes to rehab she thinks things will be better, that was until her step-brother Benny who just happened to also be Frankieâs roommate got called back to action. And now Frankie is her responsibility. And she has no idea what the hell to do.Â
Words: 6311Â
Rating: 18+ SMUT, Adult ThemesWarnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, Reader is somewhat described--longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type-- Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
Just A Dream Masterlist
**This is written as first person, and its my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
**Just like ao3, âcreator chooses not to use warnings.â If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that youâre the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **
It was an early June morning. The rain outside gently tapping against the windowpane. The window still cracked open from the night before letting in a cool breeze that fills the space. The coarse hair under his chin tickled my bare shoulder. Small goosebumps rise on my arm as he lifts his head and places a kiss on the exposed skin. A sigh of content makes him smile. His skilled, calloused fingers trail up and down the curves of my body. His lips find my shoulder again as his hand wraps around me, his large hand finding a home on my bare stomach. Those long fingers of his inching lower and lower, giving me every chance to tell him to stop. Instead I wiggle back, closer to him pressing my body against his.
His thick member pressed against me, just begging to let him in. Grinding against him, letting him know that I want it too. His hand wraps around the meat of my thigh, lifting it up and angling himself to get closer, the tip just teasing my entrance now. At what feels like a snail's pace he begins to push himself inside. Filling me with exactly what I wanted, and him being embraced by the warmth he so desperately craved. I could get use to this wake up call, and he seems to enjoy it too.
âMmmhmmâ I sigh. Eyes still closed, caught in that hazy state. Somewhere between dreamland and reality. I moan again as he pushes further, my hand that was gripping the bed sheet moves behind me searching for him. Cupping his cheek, he turns and places a kiss to my palm before my fingers slide further back finding those luscious chestnut brown locks. Iâve always been jealous of his hair, how soft it was, those curls that formed perfectly at the nape of his neck, youâd have to kill me before Iâd ever actually admit to that though.
He takes his time, slowly pulling out before snapping his hips to fill me again. His tights slapping against the back of mine with every thrust. Unlike last night, there is no rush. No hurry, no fear of getting caught. Slow, and lazy letting us both enjoy this time. His deep throaty grunts against my skin, and breathy moans of his name fill the space in between thrusts. Fingers tangled into his hair, he thrusts harder and deeper, hitting that spot just right, working me closer and closer to the edge. Pulling his hair only makes him work harder to fill my every need and desire. I pull his hair, bringing his lips to mine. Moving my body just enough that he starts to hit that spot, that spot only he has found. He swallows my moan, my walls tighten around him gripping him like a vice. Feeling very ridge of his thick cock. OneâŚTwoâŚThree more strong, deep thrusts have him spilling into me, painting my walls with everything he has to give. My fingers still tangled into his hair, holding him close, terrified if I let him go heâll float away.
He continues to slowly rock his hips, riding out the high heâs just given me. Our lips move as one, the kisses slow, tender. Bodies tangled together, he has taken my breath away literally and figuratively. I have to pull away at some point, turning my head away from him to try and catch my breath. His lips brush over the shell of my ear, his deep baritone voice asking if I was ok, and nod a yes to him before turning to find his eyes and I know that this is what heaven is. He kisses my cheek, kissing every inch of skin he can working his way down to my jaw, my neck, my shoulder. My skin burns with every kiss, every nerve being brought to life. Feeling his teeth graze against my skin before he bites down. His teeth are digging in and there is a loud banging on the bedroom door, my eyes fly open.
Sitting up, I see Frankie leaning against the doorframe of the now open door, âRise and shineâŚâ he smiles, my face is in complete shock and he must have noticed, âshit Lex, are you ok?â
I donât answer him right away, he calls my name again. Shaking my head, trying to figure out how just moments again that man who was balls deep, worshiping my naked body is now fully clothed leaning against my doorframe. âHmm? Oh yeah, yeah. Iâm great. Just a uh just a dreamâ I finally respond.Â
SIX YEARS EARLIER
I just settled down on the back patio, a good book in hand and a rush cup of coffee, which some might say was more creamer than coffee. But I donât care, it had been a long week in the office, and I was ready to sit and relax on a Saturday morning. The familiar ringtone of âIâm bringing sexy backâ started to play, a ringtone that he picked just to annoy the shit outta me. Before I was even able to say hello after pushing the green button, his panicked voice came through the speaker.
âAlex, I think I lost FishâŚâ I hear him running around his house
âHow in the hell do you lose a fully grown man Benjamin?â I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. I was tired, and I didnât wanna deal with this shit today
âGee, I donât know AlexandraâŚâhe says my name sarcastically â...maybe, it could be because I was distracted by this banging redhead I brought him from the bar last nightâ
âEw, eww, ewwwâŚgross Benâ I stop him before he can continue âI donât need to hear or know any of this information. Step-sister or not, I donât need or want to know the details of your sex life. That is a line we do not crossâ
My name is Alexandra, or Alex Miller. I joined the Miller clan when I was about 8 years old, same age as Benny, Benjamin Miller. And a few years younger than Will, our older brother. My mom was a widow and met Mr. Miller on an on-line dating site before on-line dating was cool. Sure, we Miller kids became close over the years, but you are never that close to share that kind of information, real siblings or step siblings.
âWhen was the last time you saw him?â I askÂ
âThis morning, when the sun was rising. I was brining Stephanie some coffeeâ he sounded so proud of himself for remembering the girls name, âI walked by his room and he was still laying in bed, itâs been about an hour since I last saw himâ he sighs âcan you please help me find himâ
âYou last an hour?â I try to joke with him
âNot the time for your little jabs Miller. Help me find himâÂ
âOf course, call if you find him firstâ I end the call and slide the phone into my leggings pocket, dumping the coffee into the sink and throwing the rest of the coffee in the sink. Grabbing a hoodie and the car keys I jog to my car. It was time to find Fish.
Before I back out of the driveway I remember a text from him earlier in the morning, I didnât think much of it. He had been sending a lot of random one word texts to me lately
Fishie đ: Lexi, Iâm sorry
He was the only person in the world that was allowed to call me that
I knew where he was, itâs the same place I would go when the world and life became too much and I wanted to escape. I showed him this park the first time we met. It was after Bennyâs first deployment, and they brought home Frankie with them. There weren't many places to escape to in this small town, everyone knew where you were all the time and it at times can be a lot. This park was a place I could go that was just far enough from downtown that I was able to escape and take a minute to breathe. Â
There wasnât many cars when I pulled into the lot, many of the cars were parked near the trailhead, none of them were the car I was in search of. I glance towards the back, near the picnic tables and the lake, spotting his truck and I move my car and park in front of his.
Killing the engine I take a deep breath. Thoughts of why I didn't text him back run through my head, but what was going to say? Sorry for what and then never get a response. He had nothing to be sorry for. I open my door and walk towards the drivers side window of his old beat up Chevy. Peeking in, I donât see him. Empty beer bottles, and a few pill bottles tossed on the floorboard and my heart starts to race. I step to the bed of the truck, nothing. I move back to the front of his truck, place the back of my hand to the hood, itâs cool to the touch and I realize heâs been here for a while.Â
âShit, FishâŚwhere the fuck are you?â I say into the emptiness around me, I am trying to not panic after what I saw in the truck. But itâs useless as not only panic, but fear sinks in
I turn and start to walk towards the tables and the waters edge. The closer I get I notice a body, about his size, heâs slumped over one of the tables and my feet run towards it. Seeing a black hat, I started to yell his name. The limp body becomes more into focus the closer I get, that stupid Standard Oil hat he always wears coming into view, the tan jacket he would let me wear some nights. Yelling his name, trying to get his attention to no prevail I run faster. His back was leaning against the table, his body slouched. Head down and arms at his sides, palms face up. Getting closer I see his eyes closed, and his face flushed, he looks ghostly. I touch his forehead to find him clammy and barely breathing. I grab his wrist in search of a pulse.
âFuck, FrankieâŚFrankie, wake upâ I rub his chest, pushing harder the louder I yell his name trying to get him to wake up, nothing is working and I reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone.
â9 1 1 what is your emergency?â a calm voice answers
Francisco Morales, or Frankie to most. Catfish or Fish to those who knew him best. Or Fishie to me, is a highly trained and skilled pilot in the special forces branch of the Army. He is an expert pilot with medals to prove it, that was up till a few months ago He suffered an injury in a routine training exercise that went bad. A shoulder injury that just wouldnât heal. A doctor had given him pain meds to help, and after a surgery he was given stronger meds. Those pain meds slowly lead to other drugs, which lead him to cocaine. When he got caught his entire life started to fall apart. Tom, his Captain, had tried to get him another chance, but by the third time he was out. Tom did everything he could, and finally was able to convince to be medically discharged, because of his injury, so he could still receive his benefits. Saying the addiction was their fault, which he did have a point. Benny offered him his spare room to help him get his life back together. But over the course of the year, taking care of Frankie became more than he signed up for. He was more of a parent then a friend and Benny didnât know what else to do.
âNo...noâŚI donât know what he took. Heâs barely breathing and his pulse is very weakâ I say between sobs, trying to keep it together just enough for help to arrive. I was in way over my head âjust please, please send help!â
âI have police and fire on their way maâam. They are moving as fast as they can. How long has he been unresponsive?â the voice on the other end was annoyingly calm, I knew she had to be, but it was pissing me off
âI DONâT KNOW!â I scream into the phone, âJust please hurry. FishâŚhey Fishie, Iâm gonna need you to wake up now, please. WAKE UPâ tears begin to fall, I rest my forehead against his. A silent prayer being said, to whoever would listen, the police sirens growing louder and louder through the valley of the mountains. I look up seeing the red and blue lights flash off the rocks moving towards us, âthey are here, someone is hereâ my voice cracks
A young woman officer is soon by our side. I reluctantly slid away from Frankie, letting the officer start to work. Watching as the officer pulls something from her pocket, popping the top off on her leg, she shoves the nozzle into Frankies nose. Everything was becoming a blur, it felt like time was standing still, I felt frozen in time while the world around me was pushed to fast forward. Fire and paramedics had shown up at some point, and they moved him to a stretcher. Frankieâs eyes were open and he was fighting to get out of the bed. The paramedics having to restrain him against the bed, getting him to stop thrashing around. I feel his eyes lock onto mine and they push him away, and I know he can see the tears I feel falling. Will wrapped his arms around me letting me fall into him, my face buried into his chest.
Benny was being interviewed by an officer, they were trying to piece together what he took and what led to this moment. I hung onto Will, while the same questions were being asked to me. A search of the truck while Frankie was in the back of the ambulance being taken care of.
Over the years Frankie had become like family. Anytime the boys were home for an extended period of time, Frankie would tag along. The Miller home became his home. Frankie and I had become close, I was someone he could trust, a safe place for all his secrets. Things about life, he could never talk to the guys about. He hated talking, he hated how people would feel sorry for him, except for me. My feelings towards Frankie never changed. If he wanted advice, I was there, if he just wanted to vent I was there.Â
I had developed a crush on him, and if you met him youâd understand. His soft brown eyes, his boyish smile, with a stupid little dimple. He had a calm and steady demeanor about him. The way he would look at me when he talked, or when I would go on about some stupid celebrity gossip he didnât care about. He looked at me like I held the answers to all the questions, and it made me feel special. But he was off limits, heâs my brother's best friend and teammate, he was family. I know Benny and Will, despite being step-brothers, are the most protective people in the world and would kill any man that broke my heart. Iâve kept this little crush a secret, or at least I thought I did, I always felt like Will knew.Â
Frankieâs vitals were normal, the police didnât find a reason to arrest him so he was released. He refused to go to the hospital. Frankie walks to his truck, the three of us standing watching and waiting for him. He digs his hands into his pockets looking for his keys which you have in your hand. Â
âIâm not going to the hospitalâ he says matter of factly, âwhere the fuck are my keysâ he growls looking directly at Benny who throws his hands up in defenseÂ
âDonât look at meâ
âHe doesnât have themâ I say, gripping the key so tight itâs starting to leave an inaction âFrankieâ
âDonâtâ he looks at me and I can see the betrayal in his eyes âspare me the I should be better and give me my fucking keys Lexi. I want to go homeâÂ
âYou were knocking on death's door when I found you Franciscoâ I never called him that, heâs always been Fishie or Fish. He knew he had let me down anytime that name was used. âYou were barely breathing, I couldnât find a pulse. What did you want me to do? You donât want to go to the hospital, thatâs fine. Thatâs your choice, but there is no way in hell I am letting you get behind the wheel and possibly kill someone, or yourself because you werenât paying attentionâ I grip the keys tighter. I am surprised at how strong my voice is despite my heart breaking inside.Â
His jaw ticks, his tell that heâs angry. His hand flexâs in a fish, heâs frustrated, tired, angry and ashamed. âFuck. And how exactly do I get home? Walk?â He knows he isnât getting the key, unlike the guys I donât back down from him
âIâm taking your truckâ Will finally speaks up, he had known Frankie the longest. They went through basic together. Other than me, Will is the only one he seems to listen to. Years spent alongside each other, and Santiago Garcia, they have been through some shit. The kind of shit that bonds you in ways normal people wouldnât understand. âYou can ride with me, or AlexâÂ
âWhat about Ben?â He asksÂ
âI have shit to fix,â Benny sighs
The three of us knew the answer. There was no way he would be getting in the car with me. The look of disappointment was enough for him to stay away, he didnât want to hear my lecture to him. Riding with Will would give him what he needed, look out the window, air in his face and being able to blare the music so loud it would drown out his thoughts. Riding with me, it would be anything but that.Â
âFuck, fineâŚletâs go Willâ he walks past us, bumping my shoulder as he does, he avoids eye contact with me and it breaks my heart even more. âWill, no talkingâ he yells as he waits for Will at the doorÂ
Will wraps his arms around me, I give him pleading eyes and he seems to know what Iâm asking without me saying a word âIâll tryâ he whispers before walking to the truck and starting it.Â
The cool breeze on his face was just what he needed. The final notes to âsmoke on the waterâ begin to fade on the truck's speakers. Willâs hand reaches to turn the volume down. Frankie opens his eyes and turns his head to face Will whose eyes remain focused on the road ahead. Will was determined to get him to talk, he was just waiting for the right moment.Â
âJesus Christ, just say it already. I know you want toâ Frankie sighs, his own voice yelling inside his head
âSay what?â Will replies, his voice calmÂ
âPleaseâŚâ Frankie scoffs, âthat Iâm a loser, a huge fucking disappointment. How I am letting people down. That I should be better. You know all the things Lex would be telling me right nowâ Frankie closes his eyes. âMaybe I should have just gone to the hospitalâ he thinks to himselfÂ
Willâs focus remained on the road, he sighs and takes a deep breath. This isnât the first time theyâve had this conversation. Will had this talk with him the first time he was caught with pain meds that werenât his.Â
âSheâs right, you should beâÂ
âI have nothing left Will. All I have ever known, all I have ever been good at is being a pilot. I know how to fly and I know how to kill. Iâm useless here, maybe I shouldnât evenâ
âFuck that Fish, you better not finish that thoughtâ Will pulls to the side of the road slamming on the breaks and turns to face him, âyou are not useless, you have so much to live forâ
Frankie rolls his eyes, âlike what? My girl left me before I even landed. She heard the words âdrug problemâ and she ran. Iâm basically homeless, I live with Benny. Iâm jobless, Iâm useless. Face it Will, I am useless and nobody needs meâ
âMonica was a bitchâ Will says, Frankie shakes his head in disagreementÂ
âShe was smart. She got out when she could, she didnât let me drag her downâ Frankie looks down, his voice grows quiet âsomething my Mom should have done with my DadâÂ
There is a long pause, the silence is deafening. His heart pounding in his chest. Will stays silentÂ
âHe died on my birthday ya know. I was 12, maybe 13. When she came to tell me, it wasnât like she was sad or anything. It was relief?â He says it as a question because even after all these years, he still doesnât understand the feeling his mother had. âShe said something about us not having to worry anymore. ShitâŚâ he rubs his face âIâm just like himâÂ
Will stays silent, he didnât know this story. Frankie had always stayed quiet about his life as a kid. Saying joining the Army was his way out of a shit situation. Will knew he had to help his friend, his brother. But heâs tried, this time Frankie was going to have to be the one that asked for it. Will looks at Frankie, Frankieâs hands shaking âFishâŚâ
âI need helpâ
I havenât heard from him for a few days, it wasnât out of the normal. But I expected to hear something from him, maybe a âthank you for saving my lifeâ would have been nice. He was mad, I was mad, and it turned the rocky road even rockier. Will mentioned they talked but not much more than that. It was a Friday night, and I just poured myself a glass of rose, getting ready to Netflix and chill alone. Thereâs a gentle knock on the door and I sigh, Iâm in sweats and an oversized shirt, I donât want to answer the door.Â
When I do, I see Frankie standing there, hands in his pocket, like a nervous high school kid knocking on the door of his crush. Heâs rocking back and forth not looking at her just yet.Â
âHeyâ he says shyly, his eyes traveling up from my bare feet to my eyesÂ
âHiâ I cross my armsÂ
We stand there in awkward silence, I notice Benny sitting in the car, and I look back to Frankie chewing on the inside of his cheek, âFish, what are you doing here?â I finally ask
âIâm gonna get the help I needâ he finally looks at me again. He stares into my eyes, âIâm sorry you found me like that. I didnât mean to hurt youâÂ
âFrankieâŚâ I swallow hard, uncrossing my arms and taking a step towards him. Wrapping my arms around his waistÂ
âIâll see you soonâ he says hugging me tentatively and I can feel his heart racingÂ
âIâm happy for youâ I pull away, his hands hold my waist, his eyes watery as he looks at me âyouâll be ok, Iâll see you soonâ I try to smile
Iâm happy for him, heâs going to get the help he needs, I just hope this time it works. He nods, quickly adjusting his cap. Then he leans in and kisses my cheek, he turns and runs back to Benny, his face must have been a mirror image of mine. Shock is probably an understatement.Â
âShut up Benâ I hear him say closing the car door
White walls.
White floors.Â
White bed sheets.Â
Everything in this place is white, and Frankie hates it all. Itâs sterile, the only pop of color is the small garden outside his window, and that nurse Nicole who has been getting to know him. In more ways than one. Frankie hated it, he wanted out, he wanted a hit of somethingâŚother than NicoleâŚshe was great, sure. But he needed something stronger, something to take the edge off.Â
He wondered if this was what hell was like. Listening to people's sob stories of what ended them up here in this white prison. An older gentleman with dark gray hair, and sober blue eyes was going on and on about what brought him here. Frankie wasnât listening just like he wasnât listening the first dozen times he heard this story. He was focused on the rain drops hitting the window outside.Â
ââŚI should have done this a long time ago. I pushed away everyone who cared about me, and wanted to help me. I didnât think I needed help, we are all soldiers, we donât ask for help. I just hope that when this is done and I get out of here they can find it in their hearts to forgive meâ the man says, finishing his speech and the small group claps for him
It had been a little over three weeks here, meaning Frankie only had a week left. He had spent every class sitting in the back on the hard uncomfortable chairs listening to people share their stores of what brought them here. He wished he was anywhere else, he would have even being back on the battlefield was better compared to this. This was a nightmare. He was counting down the minutes, the seconds until the little bell would chime letting him know it was time for lunch. He was trying to remain low, stay out of the way and do as little as possible just to get this done and over with.
âMr. MoralesâŚâ the instructor speaks. Karen was her name? Maybe, he didnât know. He didnât care. She was nice, going along with Frankie hiding in the background, but if he was going to graduate and be able to leave this place, she was going to need him to open up.
His eyes widen, heart races âhmmâŚwhat?â everyone still seated in their seats âWould you care to share with us today?â she smiles at him
âWell, uhhâŚ.â all eyes are suddenly on him, âI would but, you know itâs time for lunchâ. The little bell chimes again, and Frankie claps his hands together. âSaved by the bellâ and there are a few awkward chuckles around him. People slowly standing and moving their chairs to the side. Frankie stands and folds up his chair, his name being called just as he reaches the door.
Karen standing in front of him, âcan we chat for a minute?â she asks with a look that no wasnât going to be taken as an answer
âI would, but see itâs taco night, and if you donât get there early you get stuck with all the broken shellsâÂ
A little ironic, broken shells for the broken man.
âFrankieâŚâ she sighs
âIâŚuhâŚI, youâre not gonna take no will you?â he asks and she nods in agreement, âShit, fine. He walks towards her desk, grabbing a chair along the way. It was times like this he wishes they would have let him keep his hat. His safety net, he wanted to put it on and pull it down where you couldnât see his eyes.Â
âWhy are you here?â she asks
âI had heard this place and some great food,â he laughs, and she doesnât even crack a smile, âtough crowd. Ok, My friends said I needed to get helpâ
âWhat do you think? Do you think you need help?â
âI donât knowâ he leans back and crosses his arms
âThen why are you here?â she asks again, âif you donât know why you are here, if you are here just for your friends, and you donât want to be hereâŚwhy stay? No one is forcing you to be hereâÂ
Thatâs a lie, there's guards at the front door.
âItâs not like I can just walk out the front door. I already tried that. I donât know, I might need help, but this addiction isnât my fault. Itâs also not my fault that the one personâŚthe onlyâŚthat someone who cares about me, that I care about found meâ he wipes his eyes, not wanting to let the tears actually fall âI didnât ask her to come find meâ
Lie. He sent that text to her, knowing she could come find him. She always did.
âAnd why didnât you share that, thatâs why we are here. We are here to help you.âÂ
âEveryone has been saying that, maybe I donât want help. Look, I donât mean to be an asshole. But what does sharing stories do? Like George, and the, I pushed people away bullshit. His story is nothing like mine. I donât care about these people, and they sure in hell donât give a fuck about meâÂ
âBecause, everyone here is a lot more like you than you think. For example, Steve you should talk to himâÂ
âSteve?â Frankie asked
âYes, the gentleman at the endâŚthe one you just called George. His name is SteveâÂ
The next few days were spent getting to know Steve. Frankie hated sharing anything personal but the two of them did have something in common. Steve happened to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force, getting hooked on painkillers after he had retired. Karen was right, this guy was actually pretty ok. They exchanged information, Steve letting him know that he had a friend who could help with the addiction. Â
It was finally day 30, the day he was counting down too since he got to this place. He had just finished packing up his shit when there was a gentle hand on his back. Nicole, she wanted to make sure she was able to give him the proper send off.Â
He pushes her so sheâs bent over his bed. Lifting her white dress, and sliding her panties to the side. Unzipping his own jeans, he pushes into her in one swift motion. A hand covering her mouth as she moans out his name. He wasnât going to miss this place, he wasnât even sure if he was going to miss this. Yeah, she was good and always ready for him. But she wasnât the girl he wished she was.Â
His back towards the door, and he continues to rock into Nicole when thereâs a knock on his door. He turns to see it slowly being pushed open and his friend, Santiago Garcia standing there. Santiago leaning against the frame, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.Â
âSome things never change, do they Cat?â Santiago sighsÂ
Frankie hadnât seen Santi, or Pope since he was kicked out of the Army. Pope wanting to spend time with his girl and the possibility of starting a family. Frankie pulls out of Nicole practically shoving her face first onto the mattress. He quickly tucks himself back into his jeans, smiling at Pope.Â
âWhat the hell are you doing here?â Frankie asks. Heâs happy and slightly confused
âIâm here to bust your ass outta hereâ he chuckles, âbut that doesnât seem to be the only thing ready to bustâÂ
âShut up CabrĂłnâ Frankie watches as Nicole adjusts herself and moves out of the room. He knows he should have felt guilty but honestly he really didnât care. âWhereâs Ben?â
âHad some shit to take care of. Will and I came to get you, heâs up front taking care of some paperwork. I donât know he told me to come get youâ he shrugsÂ
âYou know you always sucked at lying rightâ Frankie bends over to pick up the duffle bag and walks out of the bedroom heading to the front door where Will was waitingÂ
âHeyâŚhey wait, what about that little chick?â Pope calls after himÂ
âYou want me to what?â I ask in disbelief, watching as Benny makes himself at home on my sofa
Frankie was coming home today, and I had planned a small party for him. Just a little something, some pizza and being around his friends. This was all planned before Benny told me he would be leaving a few days after Frankie got out.Â
âHe needs to stay with someone for a while, they donât want him to be alone in case of a relapseâ Benny says leaning his head back, âpleaseâŚI canât not go, I donât have a job that allows me to say ânoâ to themâÂ
âIâŚI, why me?â I stutter out the words
âHe trusts youâ Benny manages to say just as the door opens and Will walks inÂ
âHeyâ he says awkwardly, somehow knowing that Benny just asked youÂ
It was the most awkward pizza dinner of my life. No one really saying anything. Frankie staring at his slice of pizza picking off the toppings. I had picked up a mushroom and pepperoni one just for him. I knew it was his favorite and watching him sit uncomfortable breaks my heart
âSo who was that cute little blonde you had in bed, Fish?â Pope asked, leave it to him to make it even more uncomfortableÂ
Frankie gave him a look, the term âif looks could killâ was 100% true and Santiago is lucky he wasnât six-feet under right now.Â
âShe was a nurse, at least thatâs what they call them there. More like a maid if anythingâ Frankie groans pushing his plate away âI gotta peeâÂ
I watch as he gets up and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. Santiago going on about how he walked in on him and the so-called nurse. âShe was fucking hot tooâ I roll my eyes, and look back to Benny.Â
âI really donât need to hear thisâÂ
Trying to tune out what they are saying, I too start to pick at the crust of my half eaten pizza. I really donât need to know about his sexcapades anymore then I need to hear about Bennys. The only difference, I am jealous of this girl I donât even know. The conversation slowly turns to what they are going to do with Frankie. How do deal with him, the addiction that they are sure wasnât solved in the 30 days that he was there.Â
âHas anyone even asked him what he wanted?â I finally ask, listening to them talking like he isnât even there.Â
âIt doesnât matter, the doctors said he needs to be with someone, at least for a whileâ Benny sighsÂ
Frankie comes back, setting a coin on the table. âIf you want to talk about me like Iâm not even here. You might want to make sure I canât hear you. Or better yet, I can make it easier on you all and not fucking be hereâÂ
âFrankieâŚwaitâ I grab the coin from the table and stand up, âwhat the fuck is wrong with you guys?â I turn and chase after himÂ
He doesnât have a car, his home for the last few years is too far to walk. He has no money and canât afford a cab. He opens the front door and stops leaning against the small fence on the front porch. His hands grip the top post, his head down, he wants to disappear but has no place to go.Â
âHeyâŚâ I say softly, closing the door behind me and moving closer to him âyou forgot thisâ
I hold the silver coin towards him. A large â30 daysâ written on it. He looks at me, his eyes flicking from the coin to my eyes and I feel frozen. He lifts his hand grabbing the coin from me and throwing it into the yard, âthis doesnât fucking mean anythingâ his voice cracks âwhy did you have to find me? Yâall would have been better offâ he looks away. Staring out in front of himÂ
âOkâŚâ I sigh, confused and hurt by what he said. I didnât mean to say that. It just kinda can out. I didnât know what else to say. His eyes turn to me, angry and watery. I swallow hard, and try to think of the next word. âDo you want to stay here?âÂ
What the fuck kinda question is that? He literally just told me I shouldnât have found him. He just spent 30 days in a rehab facility. He seemed so happy when he told me he was going to get help and now. This isnât the Frankie that left saying he wanted help.Â
âNot reallyâŚnothing against you. But I donât understand why I canât just stay at home. Well, Bennyâs homeâ he turns his body and leans against the fence. Crossing his arms. âI am tired of people telling me what to do. I had a whole month of it, tell us your feelings Frankie, hereâs what weâre eating FrankieâŚâÂ
âBecause Morales, the docs at the rehab facility want you to stay with someone incase of a relapse. You can stay here or head back to rehab. Iâm sure Nicole would be happy to welcome you backâ Benny had joined us, sitting on the swinging bench
âIf you want to stay hereâŚIâd like you to stay. But I understand if you donâtâ I tell him, giving Benny an evil glare. âI promise to give you your space. And you can have Nicole stop by if you wantâÂ
âOh my god, enough with Nicole. She was a good time thatâs fucking it. Itâs not like Iâm gonna marry her. Iâm not doing this because you're telling me tooâ Frankie groans in defeat
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist.
And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters
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Donât get me wrong I love our sweet sweet Frankie, but I always wanted to try a different side of him. What if he was more of the âIâm fucking killing peopleâ angry type Frankie. He hide that part for most of the movie. I wanted him to come out and play for a while but still have hints our Frankie.
It Was Just A Dream
Chapter One
Summary: Think of the worst day of your life, and times that by ten. Finding Frankie hanging on to life by a thread was not something Alex Miller ever thought would happen. When he goes to rehab she thinks things will be better, that was until her step-brother Benny who just happened to also be Frankieâs roommate got called back to action. And now Frankie is her responsibility. And she has no idea what the hell to do.Â
Words: 6311Â
Rating: 18+ SMUT, Adult ThemesWarnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, Reader is somewhat described--longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type-- Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
Just A Dream Masterlist
**This is written as first person, and its my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
**Just like ao3, âcreator chooses not to use warnings.â If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that youâre the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **
It was an early June morning. The rain outside gently tapping against the windowpane. The window still cracked open from the night before letting in a cool breeze that fills the space. The coarse hair under his chin tickled my bare shoulder. Small goosebumps rise on my arm as he lifts his head and places a kiss on the exposed skin. A sigh of content makes him smile. His skilled, calloused fingers trail up and down the curves of my body. His lips find my shoulder again as his hand wraps around me, his large hand finding a home on my bare stomach. Those long fingers of his inching lower and lower, giving me every chance to tell him to stop. Instead I wiggle back, closer to him pressing my body against his.
His thick member pressed against me, just begging to let him in. Grinding against him, letting him know that I want it too. His hand wraps around the meat of my thigh, lifting it up and angling himself to get closer, the tip just teasing my entrance now. At what feels like a snail's pace he begins to push himself inside. Filling me with exactly what I wanted, and him being embraced by the warmth he so desperately craved. I could get use to this wake up call, and he seems to enjoy it too.
âMmmhmmâ I sigh. Eyes still closed, caught in that hazy state. Somewhere between dreamland and reality. I moan again as he pushes further, my hand that was gripping the bed sheet moves behind me searching for him. Cupping his cheek, he turns and places a kiss to my palm before my fingers slide further back finding those luscious chestnut brown locks. Iâve always been jealous of his hair, how soft it was, those curls that formed perfectly at the nape of his neck, youâd have to kill me before Iâd ever actually admit to that though.
He takes his time, slowly pulling out before snapping his hips to fill me again. His tights slapping against the back of mine with every thrust. Unlike last night, there is no rush. No hurry, no fear of getting caught. Slow, and lazy letting us both enjoy this time. His deep throaty grunts against my skin, and breathy moans of his name fill the space in between thrusts. Fingers tangled into his hair, he thrusts harder and deeper, hitting that spot just right, working me closer and closer to the edge. Pulling his hair only makes him work harder to fill my every need and desire. I pull his hair, bringing his lips to mine. Moving my body just enough that he starts to hit that spot, that spot only he has found. He swallows my moan, my walls tighten around him gripping him like a vice. Feeling very ridge of his thick cock. OneâŚTwoâŚThree more strong, deep thrusts have him spilling into me, painting my walls with everything he has to give. My fingers still tangled into his hair, holding him close, terrified if I let him go heâll float away.
He continues to slowly rock his hips, riding out the high heâs just given me. Our lips move as one, the kisses slow, tender. Bodies tangled together, he has taken my breath away literally and figuratively. I have to pull away at some point, turning my head away from him to try and catch my breath. His lips brush over the shell of my ear, his deep baritone voice asking if I was ok, and nod a yes to him before turning to find his eyes and I know that this is what heaven is. He kisses my cheek, kissing every inch of skin he can working his way down to my jaw, my neck, my shoulder. My skin burns with every kiss, every nerve being brought to life. Feeling his teeth graze against my skin before he bites down. His teeth are digging in and there is a loud banging on the bedroom door, my eyes fly open.
Sitting up, I see Frankie leaning against the doorframe of the now open door, âRise and shineâŚâ he smiles, my face is in complete shock and he must have noticed, âshit Lex, are you ok?â
I donât answer him right away, he calls my name again. Shaking my head, trying to figure out how just moments again that man who was balls deep, worshiping my naked body is now fully clothed leaning against my doorframe. âHmm? Oh yeah, yeah. Iâm great. Just a uh just a dreamâ I finally respond.Â
SIX YEARS EARLIER
I just settled down on the back patio, a good book in hand and a rush cup of coffee, which some might say was more creamer than coffee. But I donât care, it had been a long week in the office, and I was ready to sit and relax on a Saturday morning. The familiar ringtone of âIâm bringing sexy backâ started to play, a ringtone that he picked just to annoy the shit outta me. Before I was even able to say hello after pushing the green button, his panicked voice came through the speaker.
âAlex, I think I lost FishâŚâ I hear him running around his house
âHow in the hell do you lose a fully grown man Benjamin?â I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. I was tired, and I didnât wanna deal with this shit today
âGee, I donât know AlexandraâŚâhe says my name sarcastically â...maybe, it could be because I was distracted by this banging redhead I brought him from the bar last nightâ
âEw, eww, ewwwâŚgross Benâ I stop him before he can continue âI donât need to hear or know any of this information. Step-sister or not, I donât need or want to know the details of your sex life. That is a line we do not crossâ
My name is Alexandra, or Alex Miller. I joined the Miller clan when I was about 8 years old, same age as Benny, Benjamin Miller. And a few years younger than Will, our older brother. My mom was a widow and met Mr. Miller on an on-line dating site before on-line dating was cool. Sure, we Miller kids became close over the years, but you are never that close to share that kind of information, real siblings or step siblings.
âWhen was the last time you saw him?â I askÂ
âThis morning, when the sun was rising. I was brining Stephanie some coffeeâ he sounded so proud of himself for remembering the girls name, âI walked by his room and he was still laying in bed, itâs been about an hour since I last saw himâ he sighs âcan you please help me find himâ
âYou last an hour?â I try to joke with him
âNot the time for your little jabs Miller. Help me find himâÂ
âOf course, call if you find him firstâ I end the call and slide the phone into my leggings pocket, dumping the coffee into the sink and throwing the rest of the coffee in the sink. Grabbing a hoodie and the car keys I jog to my car. It was time to find Fish.
Before I back out of the driveway I remember a text from him earlier in the morning, I didnât think much of it. He had been sending a lot of random one word texts to me lately
Fishie đ: Lexi, Iâm sorry
He was the only person in the world that was allowed to call me that
I knew where he was, itâs the same place I would go when the world and life became too much and I wanted to escape. I showed him this park the first time we met. It was after Bennyâs first deployment, and they brought home Frankie with them. There weren't many places to escape to in this small town, everyone knew where you were all the time and it at times can be a lot. This park was a place I could go that was just far enough from downtown that I was able to escape and take a minute to breathe. Â
There wasnât many cars when I pulled into the lot, many of the cars were parked near the trailhead, none of them were the car I was in search of. I glance towards the back, near the picnic tables and the lake, spotting his truck and I move my car and park in front of his.
Killing the engine I take a deep breath. Thoughts of why I didn't text him back run through my head, but what was going to say? Sorry for what and then never get a response. He had nothing to be sorry for. I open my door and walk towards the drivers side window of his old beat up Chevy. Peeking in, I donât see him. Empty beer bottles, and a few pill bottles tossed on the floorboard and my heart starts to race. I step to the bed of the truck, nothing. I move back to the front of his truck, place the back of my hand to the hood, itâs cool to the touch and I realize heâs been here for a while.Â
âShit, FishâŚwhere the fuck are you?â I say into the emptiness around me, I am trying to not panic after what I saw in the truck. But itâs useless as not only panic, but fear sinks in
I turn and start to walk towards the tables and the waters edge. The closer I get I notice a body, about his size, heâs slumped over one of the tables and my feet run towards it. Seeing a black hat, I started to yell his name. The limp body becomes more into focus the closer I get, that stupid Standard Oil hat he always wears coming into view, the tan jacket he would let me wear some nights. Yelling his name, trying to get his attention to no prevail I run faster. His back was leaning against the table, his body slouched. Head down and arms at his sides, palms face up. Getting closer I see his eyes closed, and his face flushed, he looks ghostly. I touch his forehead to find him clammy and barely breathing. I grab his wrist in search of a pulse.
âFuck, FrankieâŚFrankie, wake upâ I rub his chest, pushing harder the louder I yell his name trying to get him to wake up, nothing is working and I reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone.
â9 1 1 what is your emergency?â a calm voice answers
Francisco Morales, or Frankie to most. Catfish or Fish to those who knew him best. Or Fishie to me, is a highly trained and skilled pilot in the special forces branch of the Army. He is an expert pilot with medals to prove it, that was up till a few months ago He suffered an injury in a routine training exercise that went bad. A shoulder injury that just wouldnât heal. A doctor had given him pain meds to help, and after a surgery he was given stronger meds. Those pain meds slowly lead to other drugs, which lead him to cocaine. When he got caught his entire life started to fall apart. Tom, his Captain, had tried to get him another chance, but by the third time he was out. Tom did everything he could, and finally was able to convince to be medically discharged, because of his injury, so he could still receive his benefits. Saying the addiction was their fault, which he did have a point. Benny offered him his spare room to help him get his life back together. But over the course of the year, taking care of Frankie became more than he signed up for. He was more of a parent then a friend and Benny didnât know what else to do.
âNo...noâŚI donât know what he took. Heâs barely breathing and his pulse is very weakâ I say between sobs, trying to keep it together just enough for help to arrive. I was in way over my head âjust please, please send help!â
âI have police and fire on their way maâam. They are moving as fast as they can. How long has he been unresponsive?â the voice on the other end was annoyingly calm, I knew she had to be, but it was pissing me off
âI DONâT KNOW!â I scream into the phone, âJust please hurry. FishâŚhey Fishie, Iâm gonna need you to wake up now, please. WAKE UPâ tears begin to fall, I rest my forehead against his. A silent prayer being said, to whoever would listen, the police sirens growing louder and louder through the valley of the mountains. I look up seeing the red and blue lights flash off the rocks moving towards us, âthey are here, someone is hereâ my voice cracks
A young woman officer is soon by our side. I reluctantly slid away from Frankie, letting the officer start to work. Watching as the officer pulls something from her pocket, popping the top off on her leg, she shoves the nozzle into Frankies nose. Everything was becoming a blur, it felt like time was standing still, I felt frozen in time while the world around me was pushed to fast forward. Fire and paramedics had shown up at some point, and they moved him to a stretcher. Frankieâs eyes were open and he was fighting to get out of the bed. The paramedics having to restrain him against the bed, getting him to stop thrashing around. I feel his eyes lock onto mine and they push him away, and I know he can see the tears I feel falling. Will wrapped his arms around me letting me fall into him, my face buried into his chest.
Benny was being interviewed by an officer, they were trying to piece together what he took and what led to this moment. I hung onto Will, while the same questions were being asked to me. A search of the truck while Frankie was in the back of the ambulance being taken care of.
Over the years Frankie had become like family. Anytime the boys were home for an extended period of time, Frankie would tag along. The Miller home became his home. Frankie and I had become close, I was someone he could trust, a safe place for all his secrets. Things about life, he could never talk to the guys about. He hated talking, he hated how people would feel sorry for him, except for me. My feelings towards Frankie never changed. If he wanted advice, I was there, if he just wanted to vent I was there.Â
I had developed a crush on him, and if you met him youâd understand. His soft brown eyes, his boyish smile, with a stupid little dimple. He had a calm and steady demeanor about him. The way he would look at me when he talked, or when I would go on about some stupid celebrity gossip he didnât care about. He looked at me like I held the answers to all the questions, and it made me feel special. But he was off limits, heâs my brother's best friend and teammate, he was family. I know Benny and Will, despite being step-brothers, are the most protective people in the world and would kill any man that broke my heart. Iâve kept this little crush a secret, or at least I thought I did, I always felt like Will knew.Â
Frankieâs vitals were normal, the police didnât find a reason to arrest him so he was released. He refused to go to the hospital. Frankie walks to his truck, the three of us standing watching and waiting for him. He digs his hands into his pockets looking for his keys which you have in your hand. Â
âIâm not going to the hospitalâ he says matter of factly, âwhere the fuck are my keysâ he growls looking directly at Benny who throws his hands up in defenseÂ
âDonât look at meâ
âHe doesnât have themâ I say, gripping the key so tight itâs starting to leave an inaction âFrankieâ
âDonâtâ he looks at me and I can see the betrayal in his eyes âspare me the I should be better and give me my fucking keys Lexi. I want to go homeâÂ
âYou were knocking on death's door when I found you Franciscoâ I never called him that, heâs always been Fishie or Fish. He knew he had let me down anytime that name was used. âYou were barely breathing, I couldnât find a pulse. What did you want me to do? You donât want to go to the hospital, thatâs fine. Thatâs your choice, but there is no way in hell I am letting you get behind the wheel and possibly kill someone, or yourself because you werenât paying attentionâ I grip the keys tighter. I am surprised at how strong my voice is despite my heart breaking inside.Â
His jaw ticks, his tell that heâs angry. His hand flexâs in a fish, heâs frustrated, tired, angry and ashamed. âFuck. And how exactly do I get home? Walk?â He knows he isnât getting the key, unlike the guys I donât back down from him
âIâm taking your truckâ Will finally speaks up, he had known Frankie the longest. They went through basic together. Other than me, Will is the only one he seems to listen to. Years spent alongside each other, and Santiago Garcia, they have been through some shit. The kind of shit that bonds you in ways normal people wouldnât understand. âYou can ride with me, or AlexâÂ
âWhat about Ben?â He asksÂ
âI have shit to fix,â Benny sighs
The three of us knew the answer. There was no way he would be getting in the car with me. The look of disappointment was enough for him to stay away, he didnât want to hear my lecture to him. Riding with Will would give him what he needed, look out the window, air in his face and being able to blare the music so loud it would drown out his thoughts. Riding with me, it would be anything but that.Â
âFuck, fineâŚletâs go Willâ he walks past us, bumping my shoulder as he does, he avoids eye contact with me and it breaks my heart even more. âWill, no talkingâ he yells as he waits for Will at the doorÂ
Will wraps his arms around me, I give him pleading eyes and he seems to know what Iâm asking without me saying a word âIâll tryâ he whispers before walking to the truck and starting it.Â
The cool breeze on his face was just what he needed. The final notes to âsmoke on the waterâ begin to fade on the truck's speakers. Willâs hand reaches to turn the volume down. Frankie opens his eyes and turns his head to face Will whose eyes remain focused on the road ahead. Will was determined to get him to talk, he was just waiting for the right moment.Â
âJesus Christ, just say it already. I know you want toâ Frankie sighs, his own voice yelling inside his head
âSay what?â Will replies, his voice calmÂ
âPleaseâŚâ Frankie scoffs, âthat Iâm a loser, a huge fucking disappointment. How I am letting people down. That I should be better. You know all the things Lex would be telling me right nowâ Frankie closes his eyes. âMaybe I should have just gone to the hospitalâ he thinks to himselfÂ
Willâs focus remained on the road, he sighs and takes a deep breath. This isnât the first time theyâve had this conversation. Will had this talk with him the first time he was caught with pain meds that werenât his.Â
âSheâs right, you should beâÂ
âI have nothing left Will. All I have ever known, all I have ever been good at is being a pilot. I know how to fly and I know how to kill. Iâm useless here, maybe I shouldnât evenâ
âFuck that Fish, you better not finish that thoughtâ Will pulls to the side of the road slamming on the breaks and turns to face him, âyou are not useless, you have so much to live forâ
Frankie rolls his eyes, âlike what? My girl left me before I even landed. She heard the words âdrug problemâ and she ran. Iâm basically homeless, I live with Benny. Iâm jobless, Iâm useless. Face it Will, I am useless and nobody needs meâ
âMonica was a bitchâ Will says, Frankie shakes his head in disagreementÂ
âShe was smart. She got out when she could, she didnât let me drag her downâ Frankie looks down, his voice grows quiet âsomething my Mom should have done with my DadâÂ
There is a long pause, the silence is deafening. His heart pounding in his chest. Will stays silentÂ
âHe died on my birthday ya know. I was 12, maybe 13. When she came to tell me, it wasnât like she was sad or anything. It was relief?â He says it as a question because even after all these years, he still doesnât understand the feeling his mother had. âShe said something about us not having to worry anymore. ShitâŚâ he rubs his face âIâm just like himâÂ
Will stays silent, he didnât know this story. Frankie had always stayed quiet about his life as a kid. Saying joining the Army was his way out of a shit situation. Will knew he had to help his friend, his brother. But heâs tried, this time Frankie was going to have to be the one that asked for it. Will looks at Frankie, Frankieâs hands shaking âFishâŚâ
âI need helpâ
I havenât heard from him for a few days, it wasnât out of the normal. But I expected to hear something from him, maybe a âthank you for saving my lifeâ would have been nice. He was mad, I was mad, and it turned the rocky road even rockier. Will mentioned they talked but not much more than that. It was a Friday night, and I just poured myself a glass of rose, getting ready to Netflix and chill alone. Thereâs a gentle knock on the door and I sigh, Iâm in sweats and an oversized shirt, I donât want to answer the door.Â
When I do, I see Frankie standing there, hands in his pocket, like a nervous high school kid knocking on the door of his crush. Heâs rocking back and forth not looking at her just yet.Â
âHeyâ he says shyly, his eyes traveling up from my bare feet to my eyesÂ
âHiâ I cross my armsÂ
We stand there in awkward silence, I notice Benny sitting in the car, and I look back to Frankie chewing on the inside of his cheek, âFish, what are you doing here?â I finally ask
âIâm gonna get the help I needâ he finally looks at me again. He stares into my eyes, âIâm sorry you found me like that. I didnât mean to hurt youâÂ
âFrankieâŚâ I swallow hard, uncrossing my arms and taking a step towards him. Wrapping my arms around his waistÂ
âIâll see you soonâ he says hugging me tentatively and I can feel his heart racingÂ
âIâm happy for youâ I pull away, his hands hold my waist, his eyes watery as he looks at me âyouâll be ok, Iâll see you soonâ I try to smile
Iâm happy for him, heâs going to get the help he needs, I just hope this time it works. He nods, quickly adjusting his cap. Then he leans in and kisses my cheek, he turns and runs back to Benny, his face must have been a mirror image of mine. Shock is probably an understatement.Â
âShut up Benâ I hear him say closing the car door
White walls.
White floors.Â
White bed sheets.Â
Everything in this place is white, and Frankie hates it all. Itâs sterile, the only pop of color is the small garden outside his window, and that nurse Nicole who has been getting to know him. In more ways than one. Frankie hated it, he wanted out, he wanted a hit of somethingâŚother than NicoleâŚshe was great, sure. But he needed something stronger, something to take the edge off.Â
He wondered if this was what hell was like. Listening to people's sob stories of what ended them up here in this white prison. An older gentleman with dark gray hair, and sober blue eyes was going on and on about what brought him here. Frankie wasnât listening just like he wasnât listening the first dozen times he heard this story. He was focused on the rain drops hitting the window outside.Â
ââŚI should have done this a long time ago. I pushed away everyone who cared about me, and wanted to help me. I didnât think I needed help, we are all soldiers, we donât ask for help. I just hope that when this is done and I get out of here they can find it in their hearts to forgive meâ the man says, finishing his speech and the small group claps for him
It had been a little over three weeks here, meaning Frankie only had a week left. He had spent every class sitting in the back on the hard uncomfortable chairs listening to people share their stores of what brought them here. He wished he was anywhere else, he would have even being back on the battlefield was better compared to this. This was a nightmare. He was counting down the minutes, the seconds until the little bell would chime letting him know it was time for lunch. He was trying to remain low, stay out of the way and do as little as possible just to get this done and over with.
âMr. MoralesâŚâ the instructor speaks. Karen was her name? Maybe, he didnât know. He didnât care. She was nice, going along with Frankie hiding in the background, but if he was going to graduate and be able to leave this place, she was going to need him to open up.
His eyes widen, heart races âhmmâŚwhat?â everyone still seated in their seats âWould you care to share with us today?â she smiles at him
âWell, uhhâŚ.â all eyes are suddenly on him, âI would but, you know itâs time for lunchâ. The little bell chimes again, and Frankie claps his hands together. âSaved by the bellâ and there are a few awkward chuckles around him. People slowly standing and moving their chairs to the side. Frankie stands and folds up his chair, his name being called just as he reaches the door.
Karen standing in front of him, âcan we chat for a minute?â she asks with a look that no wasnât going to be taken as an answer
âI would, but see itâs taco night, and if you donât get there early you get stuck with all the broken shellsâÂ
A little ironic, broken shells for the broken man.
âFrankieâŚâ she sighs
âIâŚuhâŚI, youâre not gonna take no will you?â he asks and she nods in agreement, âShit, fine. He walks towards her desk, grabbing a chair along the way. It was times like this he wishes they would have let him keep his hat. His safety net, he wanted to put it on and pull it down where you couldnât see his eyes.Â
âWhy are you here?â she asks
âI had heard this place and some great food,â he laughs, and she doesnât even crack a smile, âtough crowd. Ok, My friends said I needed to get helpâ
âWhat do you think? Do you think you need help?â
âI donât knowâ he leans back and crosses his arms
âThen why are you here?â she asks again, âif you donât know why you are here, if you are here just for your friends, and you donât want to be hereâŚwhy stay? No one is forcing you to be hereâÂ
Thatâs a lie, there's guards at the front door.
âItâs not like I can just walk out the front door. I already tried that. I donât know, I might need help, but this addiction isnât my fault. Itâs also not my fault that the one personâŚthe onlyâŚthat someone who cares about me, that I care about found meâ he wipes his eyes, not wanting to let the tears actually fall âI didnât ask her to come find meâ
Lie. He sent that text to her, knowing she could come find him. She always did.
âAnd why didnât you share that, thatâs why we are here. We are here to help you.âÂ
âEveryone has been saying that, maybe I donât want help. Look, I donât mean to be an asshole. But what does sharing stories do? Like George, and the, I pushed people away bullshit. His story is nothing like mine. I donât care about these people, and they sure in hell donât give a fuck about meâÂ
âBecause, everyone here is a lot more like you than you think. For example, Steve you should talk to himâÂ
âSteve?â Frankie asked
âYes, the gentleman at the endâŚthe one you just called George. His name is SteveâÂ
The next few days were spent getting to know Steve. Frankie hated sharing anything personal but the two of them did have something in common. Steve happened to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force, getting hooked on painkillers after he had retired. Karen was right, this guy was actually pretty ok. They exchanged information, Steve letting him know that he had a friend who could help with the addiction. Â
It was finally day 30, the day he was counting down too since he got to this place. He had just finished packing up his shit when there was a gentle hand on his back. Nicole, she wanted to make sure she was able to give him the proper send off.Â
He pushes her so sheâs bent over his bed. Lifting her white dress, and sliding her panties to the side. Unzipping his own jeans, he pushes into her in one swift motion. A hand covering her mouth as she moans out his name. He wasnât going to miss this place, he wasnât even sure if he was going to miss this. Yeah, she was good and always ready for him. But she wasnât the girl he wished she was.Â
His back towards the door, and he continues to rock into Nicole when thereâs a knock on his door. He turns to see it slowly being pushed open and his friend, Santiago Garcia standing there. Santiago leaning against the frame, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.Â
âSome things never change, do they Cat?â Santiago sighsÂ
Frankie hadnât seen Santi, or Pope since he was kicked out of the Army. Pope wanting to spend time with his girl and the possibility of starting a family. Frankie pulls out of Nicole practically shoving her face first onto the mattress. He quickly tucks himself back into his jeans, smiling at Pope.Â
âWhat the hell are you doing here?â Frankie asks. Heâs happy and slightly confused
âIâm here to bust your ass outta hereâ he chuckles, âbut that doesnât seem to be the only thing ready to bustâÂ
âShut up CabrĂłnâ Frankie watches as Nicole adjusts herself and moves out of the room. He knows he should have felt guilty but honestly he really didnât care. âWhereâs Ben?â
âHad some shit to take care of. Will and I came to get you, heâs up front taking care of some paperwork. I donât know he told me to come get youâ he shrugsÂ
âYou know you always sucked at lying rightâ Frankie bends over to pick up the duffle bag and walks out of the bedroom heading to the front door where Will was waitingÂ
âHeyâŚhey wait, what about that little chick?â Pope calls after himÂ
âYou want me to what?â I ask in disbelief, watching as Benny makes himself at home on my sofa
Frankie was coming home today, and I had planned a small party for him. Just a little something, some pizza and being around his friends. This was all planned before Benny told me he would be leaving a few days after Frankie got out.Â
âHe needs to stay with someone for a while, they donât want him to be alone in case of a relapseâ Benny says leaning his head back, âpleaseâŚI canât not go, I donât have a job that allows me to say ânoâ to themâÂ
âIâŚI, why me?â I stutter out the words
âHe trusts youâ Benny manages to say just as the door opens and Will walks inÂ
âHeyâ he says awkwardly, somehow knowing that Benny just asked youÂ
It was the most awkward pizza dinner of my life. No one really saying anything. Frankie staring at his slice of pizza picking off the toppings. I had picked up a mushroom and pepperoni one just for him. I knew it was his favorite and watching him sit uncomfortable breaks my heart
âSo who was that cute little blonde you had in bed, Fish?â Pope asked, leave it to him to make it even more uncomfortableÂ
Frankie gave him a look, the term âif looks could killâ was 100% true and Santiago is lucky he wasnât six-feet under right now.Â
âShe was a nurse, at least thatâs what they call them there. More like a maid if anythingâ Frankie groans pushing his plate away âI gotta peeâÂ
I watch as he gets up and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. Santiago going on about how he walked in on him and the so-called nurse. âShe was fucking hot tooâ I roll my eyes, and look back to Benny.Â
âI really donât need to hear thisâÂ
Trying to tune out what they are saying, I too start to pick at the crust of my half eaten pizza. I really donât need to know about his sexcapades anymore then I need to hear about Bennys. The only difference, I am jealous of this girl I donât even know. The conversation slowly turns to what they are going to do with Frankie. How do deal with him, the addiction that they are sure wasnât solved in the 30 days that he was there.Â
âHas anyone even asked him what he wanted?â I finally ask, listening to them talking like he isnât even there.Â
âIt doesnât matter, the doctors said he needs to be with someone, at least for a whileâ Benny sighsÂ
Frankie comes back, setting a coin on the table. âIf you want to talk about me like Iâm not even here. You might want to make sure I canât hear you. Or better yet, I can make it easier on you all and not fucking be hereâÂ
âFrankieâŚwaitâ I grab the coin from the table and stand up, âwhat the fuck is wrong with you guys?â I turn and chase after himÂ
He doesnât have a car, his home for the last few years is too far to walk. He has no money and canât afford a cab. He opens the front door and stops leaning against the small fence on the front porch. His hands grip the top post, his head down, he wants to disappear but has no place to go.Â
âHeyâŚâ I say softly, closing the door behind me and moving closer to him âyou forgot thisâ
I hold the silver coin towards him. A large â30 daysâ written on it. He looks at me, his eyes flicking from the coin to my eyes and I feel frozen. He lifts his hand grabbing the coin from me and throwing it into the yard, âthis doesnât fucking mean anythingâ his voice cracks âwhy did you have to find me? Yâall would have been better offâ he looks away. Staring out in front of himÂ
âOkâŚâ I sigh, confused and hurt by what he said. I didnât mean to say that. It just kinda can out. I didnât know what else to say. His eyes turn to me, angry and watery. I swallow hard, and try to think of the next word. âDo you want to stay here?âÂ
What the fuck kinda question is that? He literally just told me I shouldnât have found him. He just spent 30 days in a rehab facility. He seemed so happy when he told me he was going to get help and now. This isnât the Frankie that left saying he wanted help.Â
âNot reallyâŚnothing against you. But I donât understand why I canât just stay at home. Well, Bennyâs homeâ he turns his body and leans against the fence. Crossing his arms. âI am tired of people telling me what to do. I had a whole month of it, tell us your feelings Frankie, hereâs what weâre eating FrankieâŚâÂ
âBecause Morales, the docs at the rehab facility want you to stay with someone incase of a relapse. You can stay here or head back to rehab. Iâm sure Nicole would be happy to welcome you backâ Benny had joined us, sitting on the swinging bench
âIf you want to stay hereâŚIâd like you to stay. But I understand if you donâtâ I tell him, giving Benny an evil glare. âI promise to give you your space. And you can have Nicole stop by if you wantâÂ
âOh my god, enough with Nicole. She was a good time thatâs fucking it. Itâs not like Iâm gonna marry her. Iâm not doing this because you're telling me tooâ Frankie groans in defeat
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist.
And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters
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She wants to give him the benefit on the doubt because your right addicition is ugly and she wants him to get better. But she also knows the shit heâs seen and gone through. She wants to push him but doesnât want to push him away
And thanks! I really wanted to readers to see Frankie while Alex was out or when she was doing something else. I was terrified to try it!
It Was Just A Dream...
Chapter Two
Summary: Frankie is all moved in, or is he? A cute game of cat and mouse has an ending you wouldnât expect, Frankieâs mood swings end with an outcome neither of them expected.Â
Words: 5,000+
Rating: 18+ Adult Themes
Warnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
**This is written asa first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankieâs stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isnât an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankieâs belongings were still in taped boxes. We didnât know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff.Â
It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. Heâs been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now donât get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasnât changed. I donât even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. Iâm feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldnât.Â
Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, Iâve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. Itâs been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldnât. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldnât shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal?Â
Itâs late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds. I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day. But I couldnât stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didnât belong here. I stop and gently tap on the open door, âheyâŚyou want some help with those?â
He doesnât look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, âthereâs just so much, I donât know where to startâ he takes a deep breath hanging his headÂ
I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled âshirtsâ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him âWhat?â I groan in frustrationÂ
âThey need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but itâs fineâŚitâs fine. Iâll just do it laterâ he rubs the back of his neck
Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order. Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized. Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasnât fine.
I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesnât see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didnât expect this to be easy, but I also didnât expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didnât think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? âThen refold the shirts and put them in the drawerâ shit was that too aggressive? âI think I might make you feel more at home if you doâ I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it.Â
I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him.Â
I pull out black pair after black pair. There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind canât help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, hisâŚâstop. Donât think about that. Heâs now your roommate you canât do thatâ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I canât but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, âcare to explain theseâ holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smilingÂ
He reaches across and snatches them from my hands ânopeâŚâ he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half âyou got themâ he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black onesÂ
âI did?â I truly donât remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like thatÂ
âYeah, Christmas a few years agoâ he returns his focus to the shirts in the box
âOh my God, youâre right. I didâ I laugh
âYou said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was awayâÂ
Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didnât need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasnât worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos.Â
I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some âglamor shotsâ as a gag gift. Frankieâs in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes oneâs heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, heâs hotâŚâWhat do we have here?â
Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what Iâm holding in my hand. âGive those hereâ he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away
âNopeâŚâ I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more
âLexâ he says, a bit more authoritative, itâs deep and itâs sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between usÂ
I have a small idea, âyou want them?â I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, âthen youâll just have to come and get themâ I smile and turn to run through the door.Â
He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. Heâs on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. Heâs facing me on the other side âLexâŚâ he says. I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm. Â
âGotta be quicker than that Moralesâ I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as Iâm back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didnât think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, heâs standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. Iâm waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, âBad move, Millerâ he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed.Â
I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until heâs hovering over my body. Weâre both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free. âStop movingâ he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing.Â
His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. âFrankieâŚâ I whisperÂ
âHmmmâ he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mineÂ
I donât know what I was going to say, I didnât imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didnât think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I donât know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip.Â
âKISS HIM ALREADYâ my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didnât take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. âHelloâ I stand and walk out of his roomÂ
âWhy didnât I kiss her? She was right thereâŚwould she even want me to kiss her?â He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hairÂ
He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants heâs been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 oâclock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. âBecause you're a pathetic loser, look at you. Sheâd never want you to kiss herâ that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasnât. But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder.Â
âFishieâŚhey Fishâ her voice brings him back. He looks up at her âhey, you ok?
âyeahâŚyeahâ he says, but her face tells him she doesnât believe him.Â
âuhm, ok. I gotta run to work for a bit. Iâm not sure when Iâll be home but thereâs money on the table. Order some take outâ Â
He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close. Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesnât hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he canât feel anything again. He knows he doesnât have much left, but enough to last him at least today. Heâll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didnât find it. Just one hit, thatâs all he needs.
âTake a shower, youâll feel better after a shower. Youâre better than thisâ he can hear Willâs voice.Â
It didnât.
âFood, get some food. Donât do this Catâ the voice says
My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasnât where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film. But itâs a good paying job, and it kept me close to home.Â
Fishie đ: u like Pad Thai đ˛Â
Me: Not really, and I donât think thatâs Pad Thai haha
Fishie đ: oh ok what u want?Â
I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldnât stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Lauraâs desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane.Â
Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai
âWhatâs up Buttercupâ Laura smiles cheerfully
âHave you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?â I look up, the mouths all open âseriously. A friend, not meâÂ
âWhat kind of addiction?â Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answersÂ
âNarcoticsâŚâ I replyÂ
Is this friend living with you?â a nurse asksÂ
I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldnât be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. âSometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I donât even know and itâs only been two weeksâÂ
âJust keep being there for them, donât push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust youâ she puts a hand on top of mineÂ
âYou canât give up on them. No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. Theyâll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you wonât give up on themâÂ
âThanks,â I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasnât responded âI just wish I knew what he needed, he doesnât talkâÂ
âGive it time, he will open up when heâs readyâÂ
'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think
I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. âOh please donât tell me he has a girl hereâ I think to myself moving towards his room. âFrankie?âÂ
T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, heâs shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair.Â
âWhere the fuck is it?!â he shouts as I watch him throw more things around.Â
âWhere is what?â I ask, and instantly regret itÂ
He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. Iâve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. Thereâs an evil glint to his eye and it scares me.Â
âWhere the fuck did you put it Alexandra?â He snarlsÂ
âIf you told me what you are looking forâŚâ I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm.Â
âYOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IâM LOOKING FOR! DONâT PLAY STUPIDâÂ
The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Donât make things worse.Â
What happened to the Frankie from earlier?Â
âI need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can helpâ I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know Iâm here, but heâs breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin.Â
âI know you have it!â he says in an oddly calm manner, âJUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!â He yellsÂ
He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. âGive it to me now Alexâ he growls
âWhat in the hell is your problem!?â I yell shoving his chest back
âYou! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I donât want to be here!â His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back
âFine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Franciscoâ I try to hold back by own tears âI am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit. You donât want to be here, FINEâÂ
ShitâŚI am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a âPoliceâÂ
âYou called the Police?â He shoutsÂ
âIâve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?â I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive âIâm coming!âÂ
I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces
âGood evening maâam. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was okâ the taller officer said
âEverything is fine. Itâs great. Just swellâ my words are dripped with sarcasm
âDo you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer Jamesâ he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, âhey there sir. Mind coming over here for a moment?âÂ
He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, sheâs given up on him. Heâs given up on himself.Â
âWhatâs your name?â The youngest officer asks himÂ
Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. âFrank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer BakerâÂ
Baker keeps asking bin questions. What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest.Â
âWhat branch?âÂ
âExcuse meâ Frankie responds confusedÂ
âYour tattoo?â
âOh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilotâÂ
He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird. Just below a group of trees
âThank you for your service sir. Wait here, I have some stuff for youâ Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol carÂ
He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand.Â
âFor the hundredth time, he didnât hurt me. He would never do thatâ I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me.Â
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house.Â
âMs. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a callâ the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. âHave a good nightâ he walks past me and heads to his car.Â
I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, âheâll be ok. Just give it time. Iâve been there. Heâs got a good girlfriend, just be patient with himâÂ
I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? âWaitâŚwhat?â I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me.Â
Itâs getting late and Iâm hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. âFocus Alexâ. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I canât get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work.Â
I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I canât leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really donât want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in.Â
âI fucked upâŚâ he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alexâs face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didnât even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, sheâs going to find them. He knows it.
The papers were for local rehabs where VAâs held sobriety classes. They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didnât want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. Thatâs where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasnât who he wanted, but she was there. She was a quick fuck. It didnât mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasnât going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, heâll finish cleaning later. Heâll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her.Â
He plops on the couch next to her, she doesnât say anything. She doesnât even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV
âIce cream for dinner?â He asks âgreat icebreaker Morales, you idiotâ his inner demon mocks himÂ
âYeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklinâ she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, âthat and someone didnât buy dinner like I told them tooâÂ
âShe called me FranklinâŚmaybe sheâs not that madâ he reads her face, itâs softenedâŚa hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him âshit. Iâm so sorry that was-âÂ
âNoâŚno I deserved thatâ he interrupts her, âcan I have a bite?âÂ
She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth.Â
âIâm sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream
He looks at the ground, heâs picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle heâs having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me âI am really sorryâ he says againÂ
âWhat happened today?â I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face himÂ
âI was looking forâŚfuckâŚI was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didnât want to do this. I donât want to do this. Rehab didnât do shitâ heâs talking fast and Iâm trying to keep up.Â
He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by. Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesnât know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasnât doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left. A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking.Â
âHow many days has it been?â I askÂ
âI donât know, maybe five days?â He doesnât sound very positiveÂ
âMaybe five days? How many days Frankie?âÂ
âThreeâŚitâs been three days and I am going crazyâ he says âthen we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hitâ he thinks to himselfÂ
âokâ she says and stands up.Â
âWait where are you going?â He asks, panic setting inÂ
Heâs worried that she is going to get his bag, sheâs gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isnât what she signed up for. Sheâs given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret.Â
She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, âok did you use today?â
He shakes his head no âI couldnât find itâ
âright..â she puts a little star sticker on today's date âand you said three days since the last timeâ
He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days
âWhat are you doing?â He asksÂ
That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart. Something like when you were a kid and had chores, youâd get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isnât a kid, I have no idea what the fuck Iâm doing.Â
âThis is stupid, just forget it.â I sigh pushing the stuff away from me
His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer.Â
âWhat is my reward?â He asks curiouslyÂ
âUhmâŚwhat do you want?âÂ
âPancakesâŚâ he says
âPancakes? Really?â and he nods âok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, Iâll make you pancakesâÂ
âWith sprinkles?â His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work
I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, âIâll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinklesâÂ
âHey Lexi, one more thing?â He asks âCan we get some helicopter stickers?â
I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, âyes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickersâÂ
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
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I was like what is the most annoying name someone could call FrankieâŚFranklin, he would hate it but also because Alex says it he secretly loves it and she is the only one that can get away with it
It Was Just A Dream...
Chapter Two
Summary: Frankie is all moved in, or is he? A cute game of cat and mouse has an ending you wouldnât expect, Frankieâs mood swings end with an outcome neither of them expected.Â
Words: 5,000+
Rating: 18+ Adult Themes
Warnings/Triggers:Â Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type Â
A/N: I donât know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dogâŚbut what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with. The âcoke chargeâ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him.Â
**This is written asa first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics
It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankieâs stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isnât an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankieâs belongings were still in taped boxes. We didnât know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff.Â
It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. Heâs been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now donât get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasnât changed. I donât even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. Iâm feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldnât.Â
Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, Iâve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. Itâs been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldnât. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldnât shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal?Â
Itâs late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds. I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day. But I couldnât stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didnât belong here. I stop and gently tap on the open door, âheyâŚyou want some help with those?â
He doesnât look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, âthereâs just so much, I donât know where to startâ he takes a deep breath hanging his headÂ
I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled âshirtsâ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him âWhat?â I groan in frustrationÂ
âThey need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but itâs fineâŚitâs fine. Iâll just do it laterâ he rubs the back of his neck
Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order. Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized. Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasnât fine.
I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesnât see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didnât expect this to be easy, but I also didnât expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didnât think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? âThen refold the shirts and put them in the drawerâ shit was that too aggressive? âI think I might make you feel more at home if you doâ I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it.Â
I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him.Â
I pull out black pair after black pair. There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind canât help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, hisâŚâstop. Donât think about that. Heâs now your roommate you canât do thatâ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I canât but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, âcare to explain theseâ holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smilingÂ
He reaches across and snatches them from my hands ânopeâŚâ he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half âyou got themâ he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black onesÂ
âI did?â I truly donât remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like thatÂ
âYeah, Christmas a few years agoâ he returns his focus to the shirts in the box
âOh my God, youâre right. I didâ I laugh
âYou said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was awayâÂ
Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didnât need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasnât worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos.Â
I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some âglamor shotsâ as a gag gift. Frankieâs in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes oneâs heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, heâs hotâŚâWhat do we have here?â
Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what Iâm holding in my hand. âGive those hereâ he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away
âNopeâŚâ I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more
âLexâ he says, a bit more authoritative, itâs deep and itâs sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between usÂ
I have a small idea, âyou want them?â I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, âthen youâll just have to come and get themâ I smile and turn to run through the door.Â
He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. Heâs on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. Heâs facing me on the other side âLexâŚâ he says. I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm. Â
âGotta be quicker than that Moralesâ I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as Iâm back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didnât think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, heâs standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. Iâm waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, âBad move, Millerâ he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed.Â
I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until heâs hovering over my body. Weâre both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free. âStop movingâ he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing.Â
His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. âFrankieâŚâ I whisperÂ
âHmmmâ he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mineÂ
I donât know what I was going to say, I didnât imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didnât think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I donât know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip.Â
âKISS HIM ALREADYâ my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didnât take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. âHelloâ I stand and walk out of his roomÂ
âWhy didnât I kiss her? She was right thereâŚwould she even want me to kiss her?â He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hairÂ
He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants heâs been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 oâclock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. âBecause you're a pathetic loser, look at you. Sheâd never want you to kiss herâ that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasnât. But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder.Â
âFishieâŚhey Fishâ her voice brings him back. He looks up at her âhey, you ok?
âyeahâŚyeahâ he says, but her face tells him she doesnât believe him.Â
âuhm, ok. I gotta run to work for a bit. Iâm not sure when Iâll be home but thereâs money on the table. Order some take outâ Â
He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close. Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesnât hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he canât feel anything again. He knows he doesnât have much left, but enough to last him at least today. Heâll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didnât find it. Just one hit, thatâs all he needs.
âTake a shower, youâll feel better after a shower. Youâre better than thisâ he can hear Willâs voice.Â
It didnât.
âFood, get some food. Donât do this Catâ the voice says
My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasnât where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film. But itâs a good paying job, and it kept me close to home.Â
Fishie đ: u like Pad Thai đ˛Â
Me: Not really, and I donât think thatâs Pad Thai haha
Fishie đ: oh ok what u want?Â
I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldnât stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Lauraâs desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane.Â
Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai
âWhatâs up Buttercupâ Laura smiles cheerfully
âHave you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?â I look up, the mouths all open âseriously. A friend, not meâÂ
âWhat kind of addiction?â Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answersÂ
âNarcoticsâŚâ I replyÂ
Is this friend living with you?â a nurse asksÂ
I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldnât be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. âSometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I donât even know and itâs only been two weeksâÂ
âJust keep being there for them, donât push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust youâ she puts a hand on top of mineÂ
âYou canât give up on them. No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. Theyâll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you wonât give up on themâÂ
âThanks,â I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasnât responded âI just wish I knew what he needed, he doesnât talkâÂ
âGive it time, he will open up when heâs readyâÂ
'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think
I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. âOh please donât tell me he has a girl hereâ I think to myself moving towards his room. âFrankie?âÂ
T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, heâs shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair.Â
âWhere the fuck is it?!â he shouts as I watch him throw more things around.Â
âWhere is what?â I ask, and instantly regret itÂ
He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. Iâve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. Thereâs an evil glint to his eye and it scares me.Â
âWhere the fuck did you put it Alexandra?â He snarlsÂ
âIf you told me what you are looking forâŚâ I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm.Â
âYOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IâM LOOKING FOR! DONâT PLAY STUPIDâÂ
The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Donât make things worse.Â
What happened to the Frankie from earlier?Â
âI need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can helpâ I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know Iâm here, but heâs breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin.Â
âI know you have it!â he says in an oddly calm manner, âJUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!â He yellsÂ
He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. âGive it to me now Alexâ he growls
âWhat in the hell is your problem!?â I yell shoving his chest back
âYou! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I donât want to be here!â His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back
âFine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Franciscoâ I try to hold back by own tears âI am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit. You donât want to be here, FINEâÂ
ShitâŚI am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a âPoliceâÂ
âYou called the Police?â He shoutsÂ
âIâve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?â I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive âIâm coming!âÂ
I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces
âGood evening maâam. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was okâ the taller officer said
âEverything is fine. Itâs great. Just swellâ my words are dripped with sarcasm
âDo you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer Jamesâ he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, âhey there sir. Mind coming over here for a moment?âÂ
He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, sheâs given up on him. Heâs given up on himself.Â
âWhatâs your name?â The youngest officer asks himÂ
Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. âFrank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer BakerâÂ
Baker keeps asking bin questions. What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest.Â
âWhat branch?âÂ
âExcuse meâ Frankie responds confusedÂ
âYour tattoo?â
âOh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilotâÂ
He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird. Just below a group of trees
âThank you for your service sir. Wait here, I have some stuff for youâ Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol carÂ
He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand.Â
âFor the hundredth time, he didnât hurt me. He would never do thatâ I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me.Â
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house.Â
âMs. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a callâ the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. âHave a good nightâ he walks past me and heads to his car.Â
I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, âheâll be ok. Just give it time. Iâve been there. Heâs got a good girlfriend, just be patient with himâÂ
I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? âWaitâŚwhat?â I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me.Â
Itâs getting late and Iâm hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. âFocus Alexâ. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I canât get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work.Â
I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I canât leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really donât want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in.Â
âI fucked upâŚâ he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alexâs face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didnât even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, sheâs going to find them. He knows it.
The papers were for local rehabs where VAâs held sobriety classes. They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didnât want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. Thatâs where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasnât who he wanted, but she was there. She was a quick fuck. It didnât mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasnât going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, heâll finish cleaning later. Heâll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her.Â
He plops on the couch next to her, she doesnât say anything. She doesnât even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV
âIce cream for dinner?â He asks âgreat icebreaker Morales, you idiotâ his inner demon mocks himÂ
âYeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklinâ she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, âthat and someone didnât buy dinner like I told them tooâÂ
âShe called me FranklinâŚmaybe sheâs not that madâ he reads her face, itâs softenedâŚa hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him âshit. Iâm so sorry that was-âÂ
âNoâŚno I deserved thatâ he interrupts her, âcan I have a bite?âÂ
She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth.Â
âIâm sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream
He looks at the ground, heâs picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle heâs having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me âI am really sorryâ he says againÂ
âWhat happened today?â I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face himÂ
âI was looking forâŚfuckâŚI was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didnât want to do this. I donât want to do this. Rehab didnât do shitâ heâs talking fast and Iâm trying to keep up.Â
He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by. Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesnât know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasnât doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left. A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking.Â
âHow many days has it been?â I askÂ
âI donât know, maybe five days?â He doesnât sound very positiveÂ
âMaybe five days? How many days Frankie?âÂ
âThreeâŚitâs been three days and I am going crazyâ he says âthen we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hitâ he thinks to himselfÂ
âokâ she says and stands up.Â
âWait where are you going?â He asks, panic setting inÂ
Heâs worried that she is going to get his bag, sheâs gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isnât what she signed up for. Sheâs given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret.Â
She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, âok did you use today?â
He shakes his head no âI couldnât find itâ
âright..â she puts a little star sticker on today's date âand you said three days since the last timeâ
He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days
âWhat are you doing?â He asksÂ
That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart. Something like when you were a kid and had chores, youâd get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isnât a kid, I have no idea what the fuck Iâm doing.Â
âThis is stupid, just forget it.â I sigh pushing the stuff away from me
His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer.Â
âWhat is my reward?â He asks curiouslyÂ
âUhmâŚwhat do you want?âÂ
âPancakesâŚâ he says
âPancakes? Really?â and he nods âok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, Iâll make you pancakesâÂ
âWith sprinkles?â His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work
I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, âIâll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinklesâÂ
âHey Lexi, one more thing?â He asks âCan we get some helicopter stickers?â
I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, âyes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickersâÂ
ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.
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