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It's 4:53 am and I can't sleep I have tried every thing riding my fixi bike didn't tire me out. I tried hot shower cold shower warm bath masterbation metal and physical no luck still laying her eyes wide open. See I know when I go to sleep I will wake up hurting more then when I went to sleep. I pray some times that I don't wake up because I already know what's in store for me if I do nothing but pain I refuse to o take pain killers because I don't want to end up getting addicted to them and d is e from kindey failure but it has been getting worse harder to stand up very hard to move my legs get them going so I can walk some what I grab my bike and force my self to get on it and ride after awhile I can go back home and move around better because the ride loosened mr up . But one day I won't be able to ride or walk or get up. I don't want to be relying on my friends to take care of me cause I seen how they take care of people not very good at all and family I don't have no kids no wife at 56yrs old I never cared about all that I wonder what it's like to have that stuff but it must be very hard to manage a wife kids people other than my self who lively hood depends on me. That is a scary thought.but today I think it's not so bad because tomorrow is going to be worse and with that thought I feel better about today.i took the poop in a box exam last month went on line to see my results. Guess what I tested positive on the cancer test what the FUCK like my decaying spine isn't enough for me to deal with OH LOOK LETS GIVE THIS ONE CANCER WHY NOT HE DOESNT LOOK LIKE HE MISERABLE ENOUGH YEAH WE CAN TELL HIM ITS POETIC JUSTICE REMRMBER THAT ONE TIME YOU TOLD THAT CHICK YOU HAD CANCER AND YOU WERE DYING SO YOU GOT SOME PUSSY AND YOU MEET HER SISTER AND SHE REALLY HAD CANCER ANF WAS DIEING WELL THIS IS CARMA HOPE YOU LIKE IT . BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU LIE ABOUT IT JUST MIGHT COME TRUE TO HONT YOU LATER ON. SORRY BUT THAT PIECE OF ASS WAS WORTH IT .
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I feel maybe the reason people feel like they are in the wrong body is that when a person dies that soul goes into an unborn child and is reborn but some of that past life it just came from still resides in it's make up and some where after its rebirth that memory or past life knowledge kicks in and it may be a feeling like I've done this before or I don't feel like I'm a man or woman I think that's why we are not born with out sin because when we transfer bodies that life or lives we have lived do not get totally washed away and what is retained is considered a sin by our creater but yet again a flaw in his design like suicide being a sin that's because every time we die and are washed threw to the next body we retain some thing from that life and if people knew that the faster you die the more you will retain and and you'll have the knowledge as does the creater once I had a flat I thought I could ride it home like that or I could go to Costco and get air. Just at that moment I could see the guy at Costco putting air in my tire and it blowing up well I said I gotta see if this is going to happen so I went and every thing I visioned happened just the way I seen it and I thought wow that was cool then I thought I must have done this before? NO I didn't see what was I seen what was to come. It had not happened yet. True story.
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