imnotyourbrah

[imnotyourbrah]

love is dead

So, fellas. I have no clue why am I here, like my teenage self, writing down the same shit, like me teenage self. But here I am, and so are you, so let me make sure we all end up on a very soulful journey and may my words shine brighter than the morning star (coming from someone who wanted to completely give up on writing)

And like the hopeless romantics we all are, today's story is about my experiments with online love, because I am too fragile for real love.

I will gladly skip the first two guys, because they really didn't change me or my view on love. The second one sure tried, but it was only after the third guy that I started to comprehend what the second guy was trying to tell me.

anyway, moving on...

you see that photo up there, it's one of those rare moments in a film where time stops and so does your heart. where you feel chills run down your back. this moment is cherished by one and all. and this moment can only exist in films and books, that is all.

coming back to my experiments with love. I never loved the third guy, or so I thought. It was only when he left, that I began to understand what love is, love isn't passion or hot steamy sex or holding hands or any physical stuff. love also isn't going on dates, buying loads of stuff for each other (writing this one for the materialistic bitches out there).

Then what is love? or what is louuuuuuuuuu...

Love or Luv or Louuu is tolerance. I want to write compromise and I want to write acceptance, but I have though about it and I might actually be fine with the word tolerance. If you can tolerate a person, tolerate their stupidity, ignorance, bad habits, good habits, affection, distance, etc, that is what love is to me.

Because why would I be awake and listening to a guy rant at 2 AM when I have office in 3 hours. I don't see me doing that for anyone. When I rant, I'm whiney, but when you rant, I let you let it all out. See classic example of one sided love. I am sort of a master of it.

This dude changed my whole outlook on love. Not only do I not believe in it now, I also feel repulsed by the thought that my past self believed in it. Or I let myself believe in it. I should've been smarter.

Anywayyyyy, back to the topic. A friend of mine, a really close friend of mine, experienced something strange when she was living with her cousin. She saw her cousin's flatmate have an affair with a woman with a husband and two kids, now the whole family would meet up, husband included and here she is losing her mind thinking about how do such people exist and why, when she narrated me the entire incident, all I could hear was death in her tone. Like someone killed her will to live, and at that moment, I knew this was messed up. From the husband's point of view and specially from the kids point of view. But that was the harsh reality of life, love is dead, families are dead, loyalty is dead, we are dead.

Today, a couple of hours ago, this colleague of mine rings my doorbell. We live in the same building, not that close friends, he says his grandmother just passed away and that he needs to leave for his hometown ASAP. I get sad for him, then I see a girl next to him. He tells that girl to give me the keys, says she's his friend. I say, "okay, take care".

As soon as I close the door. It strikes me, the apartment is pretty small for two. And didn't he have a girlfriend that he was supposed to marry? My heart starts sinking. Him TOO??? I really can't respect him or even look at him anymore, I have another guy I hate in my ocean of men I hate.

So I guess, every fucking body is either a coward and cheating, or shameless and openly in a casual relationship, because honestly, why should we tolerate anyone, we are perfect, why change for anyone, why love anyone, let's be assholes for the rest of our lives. pfffft

Or not.

I don't want to be any of that. In fact I don't want love now. I am happy alone. Don't want attention, or tolerance or anything, because I already know what's in store. It is all a shit load of gutter and defiance and selfishness.

I would rather have kids with a rich man than kids with someone who will love me or at least pretend to love me for like max 8 months. I hope that makes sense. but love is dead, and we can all move on and look for a sad lonely life, although there is a way to not be sad, but that topic is for another article I suppose.

#blog #love is dead