impatiencegyu - Tumblr blog

impatiencegyu · 2 days

Note

Could you do a Wolfstar fic when Sirius runs from home and goes to the Potters' and James calls Remus to calm him down. (P.S Love you and your writing. Hope your wrist heals soon 💖)

Hey! Got a bunch of requests for a Sirius Running Away From Home thing, so I wrote it!! I worked pretty hard on this, so hopefully you like it! Just a note: this story is split into 3 parts (this is part 1.) Part 1 is from Sirius’ POV, Part 2 from James’ and Part 3 from Remus’. I’m going to put Part 1 on Tumblr and Part 2 and 3 on my Ao3 once it gets set up. Hope you like this!!

And yep! This is the fanfic that I worked on AND GOT DELETED BECAUSE TUMBLR IS AN ASSHOLE!

@blackpinkdolan @withrewings @iluvharrypotter172 @blitheringmcgonagall @of-stars-and-moon

tw for abuse, homophobia and violence.

That Fateful Night

He’s curled up in the corner, the wall cool against his back. Half-awake, almost unconscious, pressing himself into the cold stone.

Dimly, he can feel blood pooling around him.

Sirius doesn’t know how long he’s been there. The house is quiet, the silence heavy and suffocating, his ragged breaths echoing against the walls. A tomb, compared to the shouting and the screaming and the roaring that had filled the room earlier.

He wasn’t sure what had happened. He was in his room, writing a letter to Remus, when he heard the shouting.

“You! Get your worthless ass down here!”

He rushed down the stairs, to find Regulus pressed into the corner, his father lounging on one of the armchairs, his mother at the kitchen table.

She was furious, her rage filling the room, and instinctively, Sirius stepped forward, in front of Regulus, blocking him with his body.

He clenches his teeth against the memory, taking a shuddering breath. Something cracks, deep inside of him, and he winces, pressing a hand to his ribs. It wasn’t the first time Walburga had broken something, and he recognizes the sharp, burning pain that fills his lungs as he struggles to take another breath.

He was used to pain, had been subjected to it ever since he was born. He knew how to handle it, how to clench his teeth and bite his lip and how not to give in. He does this now, one hand braced against the floor, the other against his ribs. Tears burn in his eyes and he blinks them away, furiously, clenching his jaw as he pushes himself up.

He bites down hard, to muffle the scream that almost comes out of his throat. Not now, not now, he thinks, please not now, please don’t let me wake mother up. With a muffled groan, he sits up on his knees, one hand against the wall.

He laughs, a silent, sardonic sound. He thought he knew pain, thought he could take it, but nothing was as painful as seeing those letters.

He closes his eyes, bile burning his throat. He had stepped in front of Regulus, his mother scoffing at him.

“Pathetic,” she said. “Soft, weak-minded lout.”

Fuck off, Sirius had thought, making sure he covered his little brother’s body with his own. He didn’t say this, though, just bared his teeth and hissed, “What is it now, mother?” The last word was spat out, like a curse, years of hatred and anger and neglect filling his voice, bitter and mocking and defiant.

Walburga had said nothing, just pulled a stack of papers from her pocket, dropping them on the table, the sound echoing in the dark room.

And he’d never known fear before, not like this, the panic and the dread and the nausea that settled into his bones. He was frozen, the feeling rising up inside of him, something burning in his throat as he read the oh-so familiar handwriting on the side: To Sirius.

He glanced up, tried so hard not to let his mother see that raw emotion that he felt, threw up that wall between them. He shifted, adjusting his body, another barrier between her and Reg. “What the hell is this, mother?”

There was a sharp cracking sound, Sirius’ head hitting the wall behind him. His lip had been split open, blood trickling down his chin, but all he did was roll his head back and stared at Walburga, her wand still smoking from the spell she had casted. “Going through my mail now?”

There was another crack, hitting him from behind. He turned, his father’s wand pointed directly at him, his side burning. “Do shut up, Sirius.”

He just laughed, met his mother’s stare. “Anything you want to say?”

Walburga clenches her jaw. “Who. The hell. Is Remus?”

His heart pounded, but Sirius just gave her a small smirk. “Like I’d tell you. What more can you do to me? I’m used to it now.”

He saw the spark in Walburga’s eyes, the way it fell on Regulus, and Sirius shook his head. “You’re not touching him.”

He felt Regulus shaking his head, his movements frantic, and Sirius pressed him harder into the wall. “Don’t you dare touch him.”

Orion was on his feet now, wand pointed at Sirius as he said, “Step away.”

“Like fuck I will - “

BANG.

He heard Regulus’ screams, felt the blood run down his leg, and Sirius swore. He turned around, noticing the long gash on Regulus’ side, leaking blood on the ground, panic filling his gut. “What the fuck did you do to him?”

Walburga just laughed. Pain started to fill his side, and Sirius dropped his hand down. With a jolt, he realized what she had done.

She had shot Regulus right through Sirius’ body.

There’s another bang, and Sirius was thrown aside. Walburga held his gaze, her wand pointed at Regulus. “Who is Remus Lupin, and why are you writing him.”

Sirius was breathless, dizzy with pain. “Go to hell.”

There’s a smile on Walburga’s face as she lifted her wand. “Incendio.”

And Regulus was screaming, flames licking over his skin, screaming and screaming and screaming.

The sound Sirius made ripped his throat apart. He lunged forward, wanting to tear Walburga apart, when a sharp yank sent him sprawling. His father stood there, glass of wine in his hand, laughed over Sirius’ roars and Regulus’ screams. Walburga had just shrugged. “Who is Remus Lupin, and why is he writing to you?”

He barely had time to catch Regulus’ head shake before he was screaming again, edged with sobs that made Sirius want to rip his head open -

“He’s a friend from school.” The words bursted out of him, anything to stop the screams. “He’s in my grade, Gryffindor like me. One of my closest friends. Now let him go.”

Walburga had shaken her head. “Why is he writing to you?”

“We’re just friends - “

The wand fell, Walburga turning back to Regulus as Orion frowned. Sirius clenched his jaw, threw up mental shields because he knew what was coming.

The pain felt like his head was split open, Orion digging through his consciousness with sadistic pleasure. He gritted his teeth, tried to counter-attack, tried to throw him out, tried to block out Regulus’ screams -

“I’m dating him.” He spat the words out, clenched his fists. “I’m dating him.”

The room was silent, filled with lethal wrath as Walburga turned towards him. “What did you say?”

He swallowed. “I’m dating Remus.”

“Dating…?” The word broke off, by Walburga’ soft laugh. “Why does that surprise me? I should have known, you being a selfish little fucker.” She bares her teeth. “Should have known you’d be a fag as well.”

Then the wand fell, pain exploded over his body, and Sirius started screaming.

He clenches his teeth now, the agony still holding over his body. He’s shaking, his nerves overloaded by Crucio, sores on his mouth where he’s bitten through flesh. He doesn’t know how bad it is, can feel nothing but waves of pain move up and down his torso.

Sirius reaches forwards, wrapping his fingers around the iron rail of the staircase. He needs to get to his room, get to his wand, heal his ravaged body and figure out what to do. He grits his teeth, glancing up the enormous staircase. This was going to hurt.

With a small grimace, Sirius pulls the handrail, pushing with his other hand, managing to get his knee on the stair. He’s trembling, waves of nausea filling his body, muffling his scream against his shoulder as he pulls the rest of his body onto the stair, curling up into a small ball.

He pants, smiling bitterly. 27 left to go, he thinks, reaching forward for the next rail.

When he finally reaches the top, he’s shaking, sweat dripping down his face. There are score marks across his palm, from where he’s pulled the flesh against the metal, his entire body aching. He bites his lip, carving bloody furrows into the gum, clenching his fists.

It’s almost too much, dragging himself down the hallway, muffling his whimpers against his arm. He wants to sob when he gets to his bedroom, thanking God that he left his door open.

He crawls into his room, kicks the door shut, and for a moment all he can do is gasp, letting the agony wash over him. He collapses on the floor, trying to steady his breathing, the pain obliterating all rational thought and where is my wand -

“Fuck.” It hurts to speak, but Sirius does it anyways. He sees his wand, on his desk, right in the middle. His heart stops, panic filling his gut because it was so high up and God, how can he reach that -

He bites down, hard, not giving himself time to think before he stands up, quickly, skin tearing, pain ripping through him. Blood explodes in his mouth, his ragged breathing filling the room, and he stumbles back, against the bed, letting the pain wash over him. He catches a glimpse of himself in his mirror, all bleeding wounds and broken skin and shattered eyes.

And he’s sobbing, like he’s never done before, sobbing through tightly gritted teeth, legs stretched in front of him. He’s 16 years old, 16, and he’s been tortured and beaten and hurt so badly, and he’s trying so hard to keep it together.

“I can’t do this.” He gasps the words, hyperventilating. “I can’t do this, I can’t…”

With a stifled sob, he places the tip of his wand against his ribs, wincing at the pain. “Episkey.”

Sirius moans, his ribs grating together, and he grips the bed so hard it creaks. “Dark…magic…goddamn it. I can’t heal it, I can’t heal it - “

He grits his teeth, harder, panic flooding him because he’s going to die, in agony, right on his bedroom floor and maybe death wouldn’t be so bad, if only to spare him from the pain. It hurt, so bad, because at least they didn’t know before, never could hurt him in that way, but now his secret was out and he had to get out, he had to get out -

I have to get out.

The words jolt him, startling him. I need to get out.

With a grimace, he places his wand against his chest. “Sine Sensu.”

He gasps, taking a breath, the pain fading slightly, just enough to function. His trunk is in the corner, full of his school supplies, and he hurriedly stuffs some clothes, the remainder of Remus’ letters and a bag of coins into it. He slings his cloak over his head, levitating the trunk with his wand and exits, locking the door behind him.

The stairs are hard, Sirius gripping onto the banister tightly as he gingerly limps down each step, occasionally vanishing drops of his blood from his drag upstairs.

He finally gets to the bottom, turning his back on the dark kitchen beside him, lugging his trunk into the main foyer. In the daytime, it was beautiful, sunlight streaming through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

He stops dead, Regulus blocking his way to the door. The moon rose behind him, framing him in silver, the burns prominent on his thin face. “I knew you’d be leaving.”

Sirius exhales. “Reg. Reg, please, please, you have to let me go.”

Regulus is expressionless, his voice monotone. “Running away? What happened to my older brother, Sirius? The one who would ‘always protect me’ from mother?” The tone is mocking, bitter.

Sirius’ voice is low, shaking. “I can’t live like this, Reg, I can’t - “

“You lived with it for 16 years.”

Sirius shakes his head. “It’s not just that.” He scoffs, tears in his eyes, self-loathing in his gut. “They never used to know. About me, I mean. That I’m…that I’m…”

“Gay?” The word is cold, empty, and Sirius swallows. “Yeah. It was the one part of me they couldn’t touch, you know? Everything they did…everything they said…it never hurt as bad, because they didn’t know.” He looks up. “And now they do. So you have to let me go, Reg. You have to.”

Regulus’ face is unmoving, motionless. Sirius is pleading now, a desperate, broken plea. “Please, Reg. I covered you. For 16 years I was tortured and abused and beaten and I endured it because of you. Because I love you. And I would do all of it again to save you.” He’s trembling, fingers pressed together. “But I can’t take this anymore. I can’t.”

Regulus is emotionless, his voice quiet. “You love him? The boy, I mean. Remus?”

Sirius nods, his voice a whisper. “I….” He swallows. “Yes.”

There’s a silence, stretching between them. Memories of a lifetime, two boys building forts together, one reading to another, lying in the same bed. Because no matter what, no matter the horrors and the pain, they were still brothers, still family.

When Regulus speaks, his face is open, unguarded. “Go. Get out of here.” A tiny smile lights his face. “Take my broom. Mother and father locked yours up, and mine is faster, anyways. Go. And don’t come back.”

Sirius nods. “Thank you.” He’s about to turn away, bitterness welling inside him, when he whips around, wrapping his brother in a hug. “Come with me. Please. Screw then, we can be safe. We can be free.”

Regulus’ eyes are closed, his fingers clutching Sirius’ so hard, they go white. “You know I can’t.”

There are so many things he wants to say, so many secrets. I’m sorry, for everything, for being so difficult. For screwing up your life.

But the words can never be spoken, never uttered, so Sirius releases Regulus. “Stay alive. Please.”

Regulus nods. “You too.”

He knows it’s a goodbye, a final statement, that the next time they meet, they will be enemies, and Sirius wants to scream. He pushes his brother’s hair out of his face, presses a kiss to his forehead. “If you need me…I’ll always be there.”

Regulus just nods.

So Sirius turns, lifting his trunk.

And he steps out of the Black Family Manor for the very last time.

401 notes · View notes