For every action,/....
For every action, there is a social media overreaction.
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The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you're having a velociraptor.
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Bsoobs are just fat. Fat that's being all sexy
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12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year?
Me: What's wrong with the one we live in?
12yo: WHAT?!
Me: Goodnight, son.
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Seeing Chris Brown in court today inspired me to tweet about spousal abuse...
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Relationship status: Unhooking my own bra & having the dog motorboat my tits.
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You don't need a holiday to drink when you're an adult and all your dreams are dead
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Wasn't paying attention and backed over a fucsking smart car today.
Got out and kicked it under someone else's car before I took off.
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If you're stupid and you know it...I'm impressed.
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