j7pht

[j7pht]

Hello, SSA main mod here.

I want to start with an apology, for not stepping in sooner with edqey. I should have played more of a role in your DM's with fae to try and defuse the situation.

I should have been more firm in saying that fae needed to walk away from faes DMs with you; I also should have been more firm in how aggressive edqey was to you wasn't okay way earlier. Not doing either was enabling their behavior and I am sorry for my part in that. Edqeys comment to you wasn't a threat - they were communicating that if you tried to attack fae, they would defend themselves. Edqey let faes anger get the better of them, and did this aggressively lashing out. This wasn't okay. I don't believe fae will do anything, but if I find out that fae are I will intervene.

While I am adverse to speaking with people in the Flora community, I also feel it to be unfair to send you something like this in private without giving you the opportunity to respond in kind. I set up a tumblr blog by the name of ssa-reachout for tumblr DMs, or just respond to this publicly. I don't mind either way, but don't expect me to try and debate you please.

hi i dont really care right now if edqey didnt believe fae were threatening me, "if i hear xyz you will regret it" sounds like a threat to everyone i know including my friends, family, and irls completely disconnected from flora, and i processed it as a threat. i think youre talking to me with a pov thats like.. you know edqey better than i do, so you have context for faer actions that i do not have, which i think is fine, i just took an extra day after seeing this to respond because this bothered me.

i genuinely felt threatened and in danger from edqey due to how fae spoke to me in tumblr dms and the fact that they took actions in the past that irked me a lot to read about, i do appreciate a lot though that you understand it wasnt okay. i intend to reach out to your account as well even though i said a lot of my thoughts here. i just... want to say something publicly because i understand that my words have somehow been twisted as like mindless drone following of glip??? and me doing some sort of other things i dont agree with which... i dont... know why this was said about me.

i can respect that you dont want to debate but i should mention that i struggle with social cues a lot and i may do stuff that comes across as debating without intending to. i also dont want to debate unless its about myself. i also intend to say this in dms but i want to say it publicly too because my trust is wearing very thin.

#floraverse

[j7pht]

my opinion here, you being between both ends of the conversation and sharing a space with someone (glip, perhaps others on the server such as those who accompanied them on their recent podcasts) who’s either OK with your continued engagement with their own detractors or actively facilitating your conversations with them seems stressful? regardless of who you feel is telling the truth at least ask yourself if this sort of confrontation with others or the kinds of conversations community members you’re currently in touch with often have on what many would consider dark/upsetting topics are ones you want to keep having down the line.

just as much as you have the freedom to choose to participate you also have the freedom to decide when you’ve had enough of playing a role in other people’s fights, i can’t tell you to leave flora but i can at least tell you to try being more mindful of the kinds of people, activities, and conversations you choose to partake in… believe it or not this kind of stuff can wear you down even when you think you’re handling it all fairly well as of now.

i was actually told that i was being treated wrongly if anything, and someone later stepped in and stated that it didnt make sense to continue to speak here, and re: facilitation there was nothing being facilitated, accept maybe by me? i shared details i thought were relevant if i needed to ask a question, prompted a multi-person search for things esp in channels i didnt have access to, and i was willing to add pengo and ash to a discussion i was having to make things easier for me.

i take long breaks between going on tumblr and leaving, i assure you im doing fine for myself (as best as i can), i appreciate the concern. i dont want to leave flora at the moment. i try to be very mindful of who i speak to and why i decide to speak to them. in flora spaces i spend most of my time roleplaying and occasionally talk in the general channels, but this isnt really a common thing for me to do. i also am very close with my brother and cousin who both *like* flora but arent active members of the community, those two and other very close friends who i trust to be able to let me know if im being concerning (like if im not handling something well).

i didnt really... want confrontation. i wanted to take in information that i agreed with were flaws/bad things that happened in the flora servers and bring them up to the mods.

idk if this is a good response i apologize if it skips stuff over or anything or assumes things? i cant parse this message well, let me know if i did (the aforementioned)

#im tagging my posts as floraverse so theyre easy to find for people who sent asks because im DAYS late #floraverse

[j7pht]

hi. this is my little update because i really wanted to talk about things, but i no longer feel safe doing so currently, i may in the future, or i might look at stuff and comment on them individually. i will explain why. i will not accept being silenced or shut down. i feel i was in a very scary situation and i was threatened when statements around things surrounding my identity were being talked about flippantly and i was speaking to someone i believed was unsafe and capable of lying to me or otherwise harming me, ladder of which they did

when i was speaking to the user edqey, we got along okay, they seemed to tell me information about their experience in the servers (for example stated that someone by the name of vera scened with them, and that they were specifically told a lot that they werent a good friend). i was interested in this because i dont know vera well and if it was a scene without consent i wanted to know about it, same for if it was a scene that caused dissociation. i LITERALLY cannot recall much of what was said because the group dm i was in with edqey and their partner was either deleted or i was removed from it, so i will skip the meat of what all else we spoke about, but while screenshotting things edqey said to forward to pengo and glip, as i said i was having a difficult time speaking for them and would much rather prefer to be in a dm with those two as well (so i wouldnt be brushed off as doing things like fucking "mindlessly defending glip" when talking about glip's art that they drew with their hands, hopefully) and edqey was stating stipulations. glip did not like the stipulation of "you must get therapy" because it was coming from someone who was willing to tell them to kill themself, firstly, and secondly glip didnt see a need for therapy as their last experience(?) with a therapist involved the therapist siding with marl and glip doesnt see a need for it at the moment. they did however say that if edqey's partner wanted to talk without edqey theyd be willing, pengo was still willing to talk to both.

vera showed up in the conversation and noted that edqey was similar to someone they confronted, starting from the homestuck icon and the fact vera remembers everyone who liked homestuck in the servers, and when vera pulled this person AND the conversation that was likely being recalled as a "scene" AND the dissociation comment AND an entire google drive folder of talking to this person COMPLETE with the main topic of discussion being that the person was being a bad friend everything lined up to everything edqey told me, so i asked edqey if they were this person.

the reason i asked this is because knowing this would change how i interacted from then on. i was deeply uncomfortable with what i saw spurring on the discussion and one of the people their behavior affected is still in the community. this, and what they were calling a scene wasnt a scene. scenes are indicated by planning in advance and a /jointest beforehand. these werent present. it was a talk in disassembly. i wanted to ask why they were calling this a scene, genuinely, because i was confused.

i admit i communicated poorly from here, we used tumblr dms from then on, my tumblr dms dont update in real time at all. i need to manually refresh to see what someone sends to me and i tend to type for a long time. it troubles me to go back through our logs, so im going to really quickly state that A. yes it does bother me when someone keeps pushing a racism issue that isnt present. i spoke to insom, actually, directly, he is not black. glip likening ideas around rape to a black man is not racism, 1 because black men can rape people 2 insom isnt black 3 source is that i am black hispanic and everything rina and edqey pushed in this regard made me deeply angry and offended, this and i have been abused by people who shared the same race and ethnicity as me, and the exact issue of "um you cant say a black person did rape" is why i never spoke about things that occurred to me, and is an issue that plagues black communities CONSTANTLY. and B. yes it does bother me when i bring up my experience and how it relates to my feelings and someone makes fun of me for it. especially someone presumably ~10 years older than me who ive been trying to engage sincerely despite literally fucking everything and theyre expressing violent ideation towards me and a lack of empathy. and C. i think it is strange to be defensive over what a minor sees or talks about but then openly claim to not have empathy for said minor and then threaten them

yeah so thats actually why i feel unsafe at the moment. i tried going around talking to others about thus but i cannot shake the feeling that it isnt enough. i dissociated while speaking to edqey in tumblr dms, and this progressed to be bad enough that i literally needed to ask people if i was actually threatened or if i was overreacting. luckily due to the fact i needed to ask this i have the screenshot of the threat and why i havent stated who edqey was or why they made me uncomfortable/concerned/why i wanted to be sure who they were

i may state this information later anyway. i feel it is unfair not to. it is unfair to me that i have to feel quiet because someone doesnt want their 4 year old dirty laundry looked at even though they keep saying "they changed :(" even in the same breath as saying shit like "my girlfriend might turn against me but luckily has a history of not being easily swayed" or whatever the fuck. it is unfair to me that i went through all the shit i went through for a document explaining how the servers fit into the cult label that is based in assumptions not only about the servers but also ME that i cannot work with because a lot of it is not currently applicable due to the fact that scenes are massively rare occurrences and the servers each have a focus on roleplay and collaborative storytelling, and not whatever it was focused on before, which i dont have experience with because i wasnt there, or is about rina, whom i am uncomfortable talking about for personal reasons (i have never spoken to rina, its just that a lot of things around rina make me uncomfortable, and her actions do too)

and i cant even talk about why i cant address any of these things

and this makes me feel like shit because i showed up to address things sincerely and earnestly, as someone who has been accused of being in a cult due to my upbringing around haitian voodoo in the past

i feel like my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, which are normal for anyone else to do, such as get frustrated when a conversation becomes personal or tedious, or dissociate or otherwise act strangely, are scrutinized as if im not worth the same compassion or consideration because im suspected to be in a fucking cult.

this is a long disorganized, 3 am tangent, but i encourage it to be read. and also acknowledged as a 3 am tangent

i am currently considering doing a public deconstruction of the document i received and why i felt the ways i did about it

#floraverse

[j7pht]

holy shit what the fuck kasran isnt in the servers and was kicked a year before i joined, someone recently left possibly because theyre still in contact with kasran, im not sure who in servers still has contact with them

tad was also removed some months ago im not done reading any of this but i wanted to comment on this anyway because fucking what???? i hope not????

in reference to another anon mentioning that glip shouldve kept the server adults only: it was, at first. around xmas 2018 they asked mod chat what we thought about letting kids in. to my recollection we were all against it, but they did it anyway

....

[j7pht]

nvm actually i kind of want to stick around in this tag for just a little while longer now that ive looked around. im going to use the fact i dont use A LOT A LOT of words when im talking to my advantage to talk about some stuff from my perspective in case the tag is read

iz's vn does not use their trauma. i questioned iz when the zine first came out about it and what they said was that the vn was about *them* sexually harassing people on a schoolbus as a teen. it wasnt related to rina's trauma, rina's zine even says that iz did this in case there's disbelief here. the vn itself also as i understand, because i havent looked at it (and dont plan to for a few months, until im 18) is telling a story about abuse that occurred to one of glip's characters. the vn is overwhelmingly more like iz hurting glip, if anything. i voiced that i disliked the premise of the vn from what i was hearing, not because it was about sexual assault feelings-- i think its important art is made about those things-- i just wish it was handled with more tact with regards to rina, because there were similar stories shared between iz and rina in private.

no the twitter banner for glip is not nsfw. i asked. its intimate art, but theres nothing explicit happening, theres no sex. i was told it *was* posted in the nsfw channels but it was there because it could be interpreted that way and glip wanted to be able to talk about their intimate relationship if they wanted, but theres nothing sexual occurring.

i wish that glip making enormous documents of context evidence and perspective wasnt brushed off as "gish galloping". how i personally perceive this is that no one really wants to read it so they just tack on a word because they dont feel its worth reading. from my perspective the reason glip types so much to address their side of things is because the context of what they say gets stripped very frequently and theres a lot of backstory to a lot of incidents. i dont think its fair to go "um why is this so fucking long??????????" when if it was shorter itd be written off faster and probably easier. im personally more comfortable with typing less words, i personally cant see myself making a 50 page document, but its reasonable to me that glip would prefer to do that given kiwifarms stuff and quotes from them being pulled out of context and thrown around as evidence. please just read it or dont.

the floracasts were/will probably continue to be as long as they were because we were having fun talking. there was no script or anything like that, it was just a recorded vc. on the topic of this though i would like to point out; why the fuck is it an issue for me to discuss being uncomfortable with seeing nsfw, or talk about/hear about sexual pain i relate to? i could have misread intention but holy shit. am i not allowed to discuss anything on account of being a minor???? i was not exposed to anything. i was just talking. i didnt like insomniac's playful presentation of cropped porn and i talk briefly about csa and cocsca, later on and probably in a vid that hasnt been uploaded yet.

im currently feeling open to discussion about these things. im willing to ask questions back and forth, i dont feel fear in asking mods or glip about things. despite being very new to the fv servers, i understand some people dont want to speak to people within it privately, that makes sense to me if theres a genuine fear about it being a cult. if you feel afraid then i think its probably a better idea to speak out in the open, genuinely.

#floraverse #consider this like an open forum post to engage with???

[j7pht]