lizzobetumblin

[lizzobetumblin]

Melissa hated her feelings. 

She buried them in a chest in the 5th grade (along with her ability to express them). Other peoples' feelings on the other hand was her forte. She could process, decipher and regurgitate other peoples emotions effortlessly. This gift could’ve taken her through college, all the way to a degree in psychology. Distinguished Dr. Jefferson with a PhD and a cozy office and impressive roster of high-profile, weallthy clients was a shiny idea. Fate would have a different hand for Melissa her talents were exhausted on mediating family fights, friend group drama, and charming her way out of confronting her own feelings. 

“Feelings.” Even saying it out loud to herself seemed silly. Something reserved for ‘cry babies’ and water signs. Typical Sunday nights started tame, reading or writing fan-fiction and drinking cranapple juice. And then like clock work her father would yell her name, 

‘MELISSA!!!’ Emotionless, she’d get up dust off her Winnie the Pooh shorts and make her way downstairs. On the long walk down the hall to the stairs leading to the living room brawl, she’d go through her check list: 

1.) Don’t cry.   

 2.) Stay neutral; Deescalate

3.)Don’t take anything personal. This isn’t about you

She padded down the carpeted stairs in her old soft socks to see her mother tightlipped and tear streaked thinking, 

‘she broke rule number 1’. Her father, Michael was proud and angry, his big belly filled with self righteousness. She knew he would be unyielding in his resolve and at this point her only option was to deescalate.

 ‘Rule number 2’. Then her sister the water sign and calamity for the evening sat on the floor nearly fetal, face red and raw with emotion. 

‘Its not your fault’ Melissa wanted to say ‘You just didn’t follow the rules… you’re loved.’ But she couldn’t say that because she’d be breaking rule number 3. It wasn’t about how Melissa felt. Even though she felt like screaming,

“VANESSA, YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG. DAD—YOU JUST HAVE PENT UP ANGER BECAUSE YOU GREW UP IN THE HOOD OF DETROIT AS A BLACK MAN IN THE 60s AND 70s. YOU NEED A HEALTHY OUTLET LIKE.. I DONT KNOW… THERAPY?!?!?! THIS IS A WASTE OF ALL OF OUR TIME. I LITERALLY JUST WROTE THE BEST SAILOR SATURN x CHIBI USA FANFICTION EVER AND THIS IS KILLING MY VIBE!”

Instead, she decide to hear every one out. She decided to help. To calm her dragon of a father down. To be a translator for her emotional sister. To not take it personal. To stay neutral. To not cry. 

9 years later, at her fathers funeral she still never broke the rules. She played her flute and spoke at his memorial. She was present for her mother because it wasn’t about her. When other peoples' emotions bubbled up she stayed neutral. She sat through both services and she did not cry. It wasn’t until she excused herself to make a phone call outside did she collapse onto the stairs of the funeral home and weep alone in the cold Detroit snow. 

It’s okay to break the rules sometimes, she reminded herself. As long as no one else sees it.

Traumas began to compact on Melissa, as they do. Humans tend to collect traumas like pebbles on a long hike. We toss them into our backpacks and keep moving forward. Some hikers would falter, but Melissa was built for this. She’d carried the stones of her family’s traumas uphill for years. She was strong. 

When men began to befriend and reject her, saying ‘you’re too good for me’ but not too good to make them feel good. She carried that. 

When childhood friends began to cut off the strings of her heart, saying ‘We can’t be friends anymore’. She carried that.

When her family separated like dandelion seeds, it seemed like they’d never be together again. Melissa slept on so many couches, floors and car seats sometimes she didn’t know if she’d see them again. 

She carried that. 

Dying was never an option though sometimes she didn’t mind the thought of it. Peace and warmth were two things she’d desperately yearned and hadn’t felt fully since the womb. Then one night in the pitch black of the hot, sweaty, roach-infested studio in southeast Houston she slept in she wondered:

‘Why can’t I break the rules?’ She’d seen everyone else in her life break them like popsicle sticks. And she didn’t just want to break the rules, she wanted to break them boldly and loudly and annoyingly and honestly and sloppily like every one else gets to do. It was in that moment, tucked in a thin jacket inside of an 8-foot high instrument cubby in the inky darkness—it hit her. 

‘Is my suffering for a high purpose? Or is my suffering trying to kill me?’ 

She cried. 

She escalated. 

She took it personal. 

But it wasn’t enough. She wanted to scream in a microphone in a sea of shadowy faces. She drank whiskey and wove her pain into rock music. 

‘Music is my boyfriend’ she declared. The only man that kept his baggage to hisself. And it healed her. It gave her voice reason and purpose. 

The pebble-laden hike became lighter with time. The incline eventually evened out to flat, beautiful landscapes where the breeze finally met her back. She knew it wasn’t gonna be easy or sunshine but even the rain cleansed her and it was beautiful too. 

Somewhere in the rain she decided rules were meant to be built and broken. Like trust and love and friendships and families. Because every thing deserves the opportunity to change and grow. 

So... She broke rule number 1 on stage while singing a beautiful song. Dr. Jefferson (PhD) screamed for her to stop but she didn’t listen and the tears flowed like rivers of emotion down her cheeks. 

Rule number 2 was broken when she grew older and saw the injustices of the world. Marching with hundreds in protest she realized not everything needs to be pacified. 

And one day when she finally fell in love, she broke rule number 3. No matter how much training she’d done she couldn't help but take every thing her lover said and did personal. But it was ok. Because in all her resistance she realized breaking rules was her power. 

Melissa began to fall for her feelings. Her feelings gave life purpose. They weren’t always logical, as feelings seldom are. They were sloppy and embarrassing and rude and so fucking uncomfortable. But they were hers. And they were real. And when she sat alone sipping wine, staring at the moon…They were the only ones still by her side. Ready to break the rules for her because they loved her. 

And she finally loved them back. 

[lizzobetumblin]

100k likes and I’ll let him hit. 5k comments and I’ll hit him. 🤣

[lizzobetumblin]

GIVE US A CHANCE TO LIVE. GIVE US A CHANCE TO GO TO THE MOVIES. GO TO SCHOOL. GO TO A CONCERT. I’m so proud of this generation for being the future of change in this country. Stay mobilized. Stay motivated. Meeting the children from Parkland and performing for survivors and kin to the slain was the highest honor. Thank you once again for having me @everytown @giffordscourage @marchforourlives. This is just the beginning✊🏿#marchforourlives #everytownforgunsafety #blacklivesmatter (at The Anthem)

#blacklivesmatter #everytownforgunsafety #marchforourlives

[lizzobetumblin]

Thank you @theanthemdc for having us. Thank you @everytown @giffordscourage for helping the youth mobilize. But especially thank you to the students across this country who are brave enough to do what our lawmakers can’t— stand for our rights. March on ✊🏿#amarchforourlives #marchforourlives

#marchforourlives #amarchforourlives

[lizzobetumblin]

ISSA PARTY IN THE USA! Tickets to the Sister Sister Sister Tour w @haimtheband are going quick! Hurry up and get yours! 👉🏾Lizzomusic.com

[lizzobetumblin]

When someone’s like, “When did you learn to love yourself? You’re so brave,” they’re perpetuating the idea that I had to learn how to love myself because I’m fat, and that I’m brave for wearing a bikini. Don’t perpetuate that. That should be normalized as much as a slim girl in a bikini. But also, that slim girl, we need to be asking her, when did she learn to love herself? And we need to tell her she’s brave. Then we even the playing field.

[lizzobetumblin]

I need like 6 more boyfriends.... {apply in DMs}

[lizzobetumblin]

What happens to a Daddy’s girl when Daddy don’t exist no more? I don’t celebrate st Patrick’s Day, I celebrate the day my Daddy passed on. I used to be sad, but I’ve received too many gifts from you to know you aren’t gone. Love to all my daddy’s girls.

[lizzobetumblin]

Guess what I did with him later? 🍑💦 Lizzo for @vmagazine. Interviewed by @theashleygraham. Let freedom ring!

[lizzobetumblin]

This is what my aura looks like. Lizzo for @vmagazine. Interviewed by @theashleygraham. #bbw

#bbw

[lizzobetumblin]

Lizzo for @vmagazine. Interviewed by @theashleygraham. It don’t get more bbw than this.

[lizzobetumblin]

All rise for the International Women’s Day anthem...! 👷🏽‍♀️🕵🏿‍♀️👩🏾‍⚕️👩🏾‍🍳👩🏻‍🌾👩🏿‍🎓👩🏼‍🔬👩🏻‍🎨👩🏾‍⚖️👩🏽‍🚀👮🏼‍♀️

[lizzobetumblin]

Did you guys know the biggest cat in the animal kingdom is the Liger? The hybrid is the largest big cat in the world weighing about 795lb - almost double the weight of either a lion or tiger. Ligers may reach an outstanding length of 11-12ft and a height of about 6ft. @lightaaron did my hair too.

[lizzobetumblin]

STELLAAAAAAAAAAAA! Tell yo Daddy I said 🗣hop on a track. The Eiffel Tower was a little more lit this year at Paris Fashion Week thanks to @stellamccartney x Lizzo. (Song: “Phone” by Me) (at Paris, France)

[lizzobetumblin]

Beauty tip: always leave snacks by the bed so you can have cheez-its at midnight. Just kidding, eating right before bed is terrible for my acid reflux. But snacks make me happy. And when I’m happy I’m fine as hell.

[lizzobetumblin]

Come for the selfie, stay for the thirst trap lip bite 👄

[lizzobetumblin]

NO SHAME 2018