lokilysolbitch

[lokilysolbitch]

i'm free from school

#for now #handmadeorganicpost

[lokilysolbitch]

Ask culture is dying and i'm trying to save it:

What's a mythological creature you wish was real? Why?

mermaid i think maybe. or elves. theyre my favorite mythological creatures. also. i would have a crush on the mermai--

#handmadeorganicpost

[lokilysolbitch]

#had to dog through my likes to find this from yesterday bc i cant stop thinking about it #but i genuinely think some of the agere community have a system without realizing #not everyone ofc and just bc ur in a system doesnt mean u cant regress (i do) #but when people say they cant remember anything when they age up #especially when they regress due to childhood trauma #im like... oh honey..... baby maybe u should look into this #big me talking

-@woozis-boy

okay but this is pretty close to what happened to me😭 i was literally like "i think i'm age regressor! it's just that instead of me regressing it's just a completely different child. with a different consciousness. and different likes and dislikes. like it's not a younger me is just a random child in my brain" and it still took me two years after that to realize i was a system🧍

y'all know when someone keeps talking about their "quirky" childhood and adult habits but it's just like. textbook examples of a complex dissociative disorder. but you can't just be like "maybe you're a system" bc that could freak them out way too much all at once.

or you'll offhandedly mention a Uniquely System Specific Experience and they go "wait i relate to that lol. it must be from my depression/anxiety/etc" like. uhmmmm. not quite, not quite. time loss and seeing people in your head that grow and change independently of you is not uh,,,,,,,,,i don't think that's anxiety uh,,,,,,,,

#this is my first time peer reviewing someone else #hopefully i did it right #handmadeorganicpost

[lokilysolbitch]

When get attacked by a vampire and in a brief moment of near death experience, you remember that one time your best friend (first love??) showed you the stars for the first time.

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH #i feel like i can reach in the picture and feel the love they have

[lokilysolbitch]

[lokilysolbitch]

in the japanese suburbs, every street is lined with rain gutters, so even during heavy rain, the streets are perfectly navigable, even on foot. in the american suburbs, there's like one drain every couple of streets, so whenever it storms, the streets turn into rivers

[lokilysolbitch]

the first rule of tragedy is to have fun and be yourself. the second is to think about the themes forever and ever

[lokilysolbitch]

🥰

[lokilysolbitch]

Más dibujos sin terminar porque ya no me importa nada

[lokilysolbitch]

If you’re a domestic violence survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re an SA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a CSA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re an ECSA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a child abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a neglect survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a war survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a natural disaster survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a gun violence survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a cult survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re an organized abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a torture survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a TTI survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a physical abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a mental abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

[lokilysolbitch]

Most internet discussions regarding mental health give off this:

#Kronos !!!!!!

[lokilysolbitch]

I love the "came back wrong" trope but from the opposite side.

Imagine you are dead. And then you are RIPPED from the embrace of decay into the world of the living again. Your memories are hazy and you don't recognize any of these people, but they act like they're close to you? Like they love you? So you try to get your memories back, to act like you belong here, but everybody tries to forget you died. And you can't. It is omnipresent. And just trying to grapple with that fact pushes the people who "love" you away, and they're incapable of understanding, and they're so confused, what's wrong N̶̄̀O̶͛͗T̷̉́ ̷͋͝Y̴̎̌Ȍ̴̈U̸̓R NÄM̴̃͑E̵̾̇? And you just need them to understand, you aren't that person! You aren't! You don't know who that person is! You don't know why any of this is happening, but they're unwilling to bend, they keep insisting you are that person, your memories will come back, everything will be normal again, and you want to scream and cry and claw yourself open to show them you're different. Your existence as a being wholly separate from whoever you "used to be" is a sin unto itself. All you can do is scrabble for life and to them, you're killing whoever they loved to do it.

just. lots of fun in that concept, you know?

[lokilysolbitch]

Came back wrong? How about came back right, except that the world you came back to is wrong. Came back just like waking up from a long nap only to find that the people who love you broke themselves into shards and bloody bargains to get you back.

There are new stains that nobody will explain, hidden beneath the rug in the upstairs hallway. Your mother's left eye is clouded and strange. The cat no longer goes near your brother. There's a sharp-edged shadow now, under your lover's smile.

Everybody says you must be remembering wrong, but your sense of smell is just as good as ever. The closet that used to smell like cedar and cinnamon smells like sulfur, now, and nobody will tell you why.

[lokilysolbitch]

ok fine maybe i DID come back wrong. what are you going to do about it. kill me? put me back in the ground? after all this effort? all this pain and suffering only to find out bringing me back wasn't worth it after all? you worked so hard. are you going to waste all of that just because im not what you wanted? just because i belong only to myself? are you going to let me pick out my own coffin

[lokilysolbitch]

Characters who die and are brought back, and have reverse survivor's guilt. Intellectually they know there was nothing they could have done to prevent their own death, and it isn't their fault that they weren't there for the other characters, but that doesn't stop them from feeling anguish for not being there when they were needed.

[lokilysolbitch]

Dude I love your blog. I'm a big fan of the cries for help

[lokilysolbitch]

Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.