lordgwyther

[lordgwyther]

I want to stick around

Things have happened very quickly and gone far recently, far further than I thought would happen, but they've happened, and I'm now in a shit situation. I think I've lost my closest friend, work has become tense and the recent events need clarification for the not too distant future. I don't want to lose my friend, she's the best thing to happen to me this year, I couldn't have asked for anyone better to come into my life and I've ruined things. I really want to talk to her but feel that I've done too much unintentional damage already. Work is becoming a nightmare of inconsistency as many people are leaving which throws everything up in the air, alongside super tense relations with friends who have strong view on me and my nature. And my recent thing can't continue due to her moving to uni, and I can't do that again. Not for a third time. But throughout all this, I want to make everyone happy. I don't think I am though. It seems to only be hurting people making everyone happy. I don't want to lose anyone. I want to talk. I want to stick around.

[lordgwyther]

Heavy Night

#photography #cd #music #dark light #amateur

[lordgwyther]

cc

Hey cc. I’ve wanted to admit things to you for a while, I don’t know if you’ve cottoned onto how I feel or what I think of you. I don’t know if I should be feeling this, or even saying them. I don’t know if this is gonna ruin us, or if you want to hear it. So if you’re there, just know that I really don’t want to break us.

You’re important to me, I hope that sentiment is mutual.

#the real me #inner thoughts #banana milkshake

[lordgwyther]

[lordgwyther]

My body is my temple. Ancient and crumbling. Probably cursed and haunted.

[lordgwyther]

old acquaintance, new friend

So. Pretty recently I had a person come back into my life who used to be there a couple years ago, but circumstances lead to said person disappearing. But yeah, shes back and talking to me. I was a little hesitant at first because I didn’t know how to react to it right. However I didn’t want what was ruin what could be, and I never really got to know her, and gonna be honest, was actually excited that she wanted to talk again.

So we got talking, and things are pretty awesome. Liking and talking about cool thing like, life, DND, films and stuff. I’m really liking it. Shes real sweet and intelligent, plus an awesome sense of humor, one that works on my level too. But we’ve been getting closer and closer, and i’m really loving doing stuff together due to our similar tastes. I really want to get closer and spend more time with her. Its real funny that we were close before but now that we are actually, friends, we are realizing how awesome each other are, and what we were missing out on all that time ago.

I hope there are more moments like the ones we’ve just had. I want to explore the person i’ve been missing out on all these years.

I hope she does too

[lordgwyther]

I’m watching you move on, just waiting for it to stop hurting.

[lordgwyther]

[lordgwyther]

I don’t regret the time I spent with you, I regret letting the time ruin us.

[lordgwyther]

Say something. Anything. Give me a sign that I’m on your mind.

— please bring back my joy // a.m.m, 3:38am

[lordgwyther]

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bkl_7hDnGoM

[lordgwyther]

Numbers

So I have (according to my friend) a reputation for seeing a lot of people. So she started numbering them and asking when am I gonna find my number 5 (this is after a horrific breakup that I’m still dealing with). Plus I liked the girl who came up with the numbering system, but she’s adamant that she isn’t gonna be my number 5, so that’s out the window. And after thinking about what I want and who I want, I think I’ve decided that I don’t want a numbering system anymore. Because the system implies that there’s gonna be another one after the current one, implying that the cycle will continue as numbers do. And I don’t want that, I don’t want the next one, the one after, the one after that. I want the last one, THE one. One that will erase all the others. The one that will become the only. Not that I’ve ever cheated, that sounded bad the way that came out, but if you know me, I can never say things right, just ask numbers 2 and 3 if you want.

I’m writing this at 4:50 am, whilst house sitting a friends house, been kept awake thinking “I wish she could be here with me, it would be perfect” (minus the mess), because a fantasy of mine is to live with my partner and lounge, chill out, nap, sleep and exist together, as part of one another. Intertwined with one another. Spending lazy mornings in bed, just casually in each other’s arms, not caring about anything, just being with one another. I could really see it with my recent ex. I really want to tell her, I want to ask, “would you stay the night with me”, but I’m scared of asking and getting a “never”.

Anyway, getting off topic. Numbers are shit, I want an only, spooning is the best.

[lordgwyther]

[lordgwyther]

[lordgwyther]

I want someone to sleep in my shirts again

[lordgwyther]

Why I love relationships, and what I look for in relationships.

I love the companionship you can find in relationships, find the little physicalities of having a partner to hold, lightly play with each other’s hair, hands, intertwine legs together on the couch. The light touches that say, “youre special to me”. Getting a feeling of “I love you, and enjoy being with you” from the special person that has made your life so much better just by being in it. That’s what I really love. It reinforces the feeling of going the distance with another person. Another person to share life with, create memories with and to unwind with.

I don’t know how well I cope at all with relationships however as I know I mess up a lot by not thinking things through, not being able to say what I need to/mean, being unable to read social situations and cues (got told I was worse than an autistic person, don’t know how to process that). I really want to do well, for both my sake and hers. To prove to the other person that I’m capable of being the person they believe me to be, to give them all they deserve and more. To be their superman.

[lordgwyther]

I’m watching you move on, just waiting for it to stop hurting.