magicasmp

[magicasmp]

This is your best student

-not gold

what even are you

#magicasmp

[magicasmp]

Your school sucks

-not gold

You can just leave. I’m not keeping you here.

#if anything the school is like hoping you fuck off and die

[magicasmp]

Attention Students.

A combined effort of student and faculty has managed to rid the school and surrounding areas of the transparent and obnoxious ghosts that began appearing a few weeks ago.

Do not be alarmed. We have left the restless spirits and other horrors from the great beyond to their own business.

Sincerely, The Solinn’s Emergency Club for Annoying Ghost Removal.

#Wildren went full ghost busters #the headmaster has not seen ghostbusters #they did not enjoy my beatbox cover of the ghostbusters theme #magicasmp #don’t worry your haunted sunflower is still haunted.

[magicasmp]

If you can do it in a way where I’m not responsible for you and don’t have to clean up after you I couldn’t care less you who kill.

are there consequences to murder on school ground @magicasmp asking for a friend

#make it funny #also I just forgot to respond to this #their boyfriends prob dead by now anyway #either by OP or one of the various creatures of the Forrest #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

I was minding my business and a fireball came out of nowhere and killed my fucking cows do you know who's responsible I want to kill them

I have no proof or reason but your giving me the chase to place a free hit…. Kip. Kip threw it. Kill them. Send me the video.

#this is not a request its a demand #tbh it was probably me but don't tell them that. #I sometimes throw fireballs into straight up into the air and never really think about where they land after like orbiting the planet #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

3 types.

I get 3 types of asks from you creatures.

I get 2 types of asks from you all.

I hate every single one of you personally.

#there is no hope for any of you. #also if anyone from the government asks #I died in 1995 after a mishap with some bird guided bombs. #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

I get 2 types of asks from you all.

I hate every single one of you personally.

#like I just get slurs in my inbox #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

what the fuck is Effiel 65

are there humans?

i'm blue so like... i'm not sure how to answer this.

[magicasmp]

are there humans?

i'm blue so like... i'm not sure how to answer this.

#i think so? #honestly I'm not sure if legally I can call you guys human because then certain laws we'd rather not apply begin to kick in... #its a whole ordeal #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

If you guys are good this year we’ll have a parachute day with a bunch cloaks of invisibility that I stitched together.

#I Tell the students I’m going invisible somewhere in the gym and they have to find me #in reality I’ve gone for lottery tickets and a 6 pack. #they will look for hours #I usually just sneak back in lay in the center of the room till someone trips over me #before you ask yes parachute day is essential for learning magic #making invisibility parachutes is the one chance a year I get to show off my knitting abilities #I have to make a new one every year #I can never seem to find last years #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

Dear Solinns students, this a a public student announcement.

We have incoming freshman! While hazing, pranks, trickery, and all forms of bullying underclassmen are not outright banned from the academy it is heavily frowned upon.

This includes but is not limited to:

Using levitation or flight magic to leave freshmen stuck to the celling or floating outside.

Convincing freshmen to try and pluck one of Professor Demos’ feathers to use as a writing quill. (It works well but he’ll kill you).

Telling freshmen that if you jump off the balcony’s you can break the floating crystals (you can’t).

Summoning unthinkable horrors into the homes of freshmen during night.

Fighting the birds.

Hanging freshmen from the clocktower by their tails (if they have them).

Telling stories of “the discord” in an attempt to scare them .

Holding a competition to see what freshmen can drink the most swamp water before dying of cholera.

and finally

Using particularly small freshmen as footballs.

Remember these are just examples of what not to do. We want Solinns, the Academy of Magic to be a welcoming place for all those aspiring for greatness, no matter how clueless and annoying.

This concludes the student PSA. Thank you for you time.

#please don’t film yourself doing any of these #and definitely don’t mail me the tape #just so you don’t accidentally do that #my mailbox can be found with the rest of the teachers mail under the name fermi. #but don’t put anything in there #that’s so you can avoid it #Solinns Student PSA #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

One day I might just snap completely and assign students to just start digging a really big hole. Just a absolutely lovely crater to the center of the planet.

#don’t test me #i’ll do it #welcome to dwarf 101 #dwarf behavior #hole time #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

die!!!

that's the plan love.

#this ones been sittin in the drafts for a while... #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

Hello. I hope this post finds you well. Who is running this account. I would like to have a few words with you in my office as soon as possible. Cooperation is mandatory. Thank you, The Headmaster Solinns Headmaster

Hey The. Can I call you the? Are we on a first name basis?

I'm glad to see you're finally taking my advice and advancing your personal tech tree past the stone age. If you need any advice or assistance adjusting to you new home on the world wide web please feel free to ask.

I shall answer your question, with another question. Is your legal fucking name "The Headmaster"?

Were you just destined for bureaucracy from birth or are you just to ashamed to admit your name is like Garland Cobbledick or some shit?

#Either way your parents must have hated you #I understand but still #I dont even wanna know how many rules i've broken with this blog. #The reason nobody has a clue what's happening anymore is because your yearly syllabus is the length of most harry potter fanfics. #I want you to know that I haven't read a single word out of one since I was hired. #I've begun stacking them up in a spare room to create my own labyrinth that nobody can fine me in. #Kip has been stuck in there for over 3 months. #My life has become significantly more peaceful since he got lost. #he's in the rat maze #magicamsp

[magicasmp]

I think someone broke into my house do u know who wouldve

Dear valued student, I don't know who or what was in your house...

HOWEVER THERE ARE BIRDS IN MINE.

The birds have organized a full stale military takeover of my office as retribution for my use of the broom.

Whilst I am busy with this development, if anyone has the misfortune of needing me for anything. don't.

That being said, if you have any ideas, magic, devices or doohickeys that could help me solve my bird problem please send them my way via asks.

Sincerely, Fermi, approximately 71 birds, and a deer.

#the penguins took the stairs #luckily my office is white so the shit stains will blend in. #i dont know why there is a deer. #the ​solins bird problem #magicasmp

[magicasmp]

so have the birds gotten better

UPDATE. BIRDS ARE ANGRY

Ok so I went to look up "bird removal techniques" on YouTube and instead went down a rabbit hole of Real house Wives of Beverly Hill fancams. Anyway after research got me nowhere I went to the broom closet and got a broom. PROS OF BROOM: They stopped staring at the crystal CONS OF BROOM: They have begun staring at me.

they did not like my use of the broom

#we have so many fucking brooms #we have a whole broom for rooms #FUCK #a whole room for brooms #its a big room #I don't actually think we have anyone who flies on brooms. #we got magic bitches but not proper witches #at least that I know of #magicasmp #The ​Solins Bird Problem

[magicasmp]

ok so like why does no one in the school like. yknow. yknow???? ehhhhh

SORRY. I DO NOT INFACT KNOW. I shall refer you to solstice. they are the closest thing to a nurse I believe the school has and I believe you're suffering from a brain clot.

#the only reason I say solstice is because one time i managed to get eaten by a frog and they helped heal my wounds #magicasmp