malapkv

[malapkv]

Bhavatha

It has taken some time to even comprehend/ come to terms with reality. Everyday I would contemplate writing only to again go back to thinking “ Is she really no more? “ and that would end in a spiral and ultimately I would not even start to write. Shell shocked / felt like I was slapped on the face/ paralysed - terms won’t suffice to describe what I feel about her passing.

Bhavatha ,as I know her for over a decade now was a personality who was different from the popular image of her. Anybody would first give her the tag “ Ilayaraja sirs daughter” and naturally so. She would be tagged as “ National Award winner”. Or “ someone who is part of a very illustrious and world famous family” . “ Soft spoken” - yes she is and was all of this . Just that she was more than this.

She loved her father and I think she loved her mother slightly more. But she was quick to break that image of “ daughter of…” and she would prefer to be treated as just Bhavatha. Just another woman on this planet earth. Which was her uniqueness.

Whenever I heard her voice play on the radio I would quickly record and send her a WhatsApp message and say “ love to hear your voice”. Her response almost always would read as “ Hayyo stop embarrassing me” with a smile. She just didn’t want us - who she considered as good friends - to limit her to any of this or to distance her using any of this.

Soft spoken she was. But she was a very strong woman with a very strong intuition and a very clear way of dealing with people and things. She was fair and just. Even if she got temporarily angry or irritated with people or situations, ultimately she would come around and try to smile and recreate the relationship. Am sure people can vouch for this.

Her smile and her laughter- were so contagious it’s impossible to notice Bhavatha without her electric smile.

She and I clicked almost instantaneously the day we met. Providence gave me the fortune of becoming her friend and almost as soon as she saw me she started joking and teasing me as if she knew me for years and that created a natural ease and bonding between us. She was always the welcoming “ Mahalakshmi” into the T Nagar house whether it was during Navaratri or any other occasion or the times she used to invite us for “ Varalakshmi Pooja “ in her married home. We all went there for Bhavatha . Period. Everyone came after.

She would hang out with her various friends groups mostly based on music and work - but with me personally she always spoke about temples. We went to Thiruvannamalai , Madurai Meenakshi, Thiruchendur and locally Vadapazhani together. But her favorite was another temple - which is my favorite too “ Mala when are we going to Kapaleeswarar temple” she would often ask me..

We had our fun moments of pointless banter, aimless laughter, crazy gossips and simply hanging out with no contemplation of the future. Very normal and not five star hangout spots. Her favorite was Woodlands- to the extent the bearers there would ask for her if they spotted me alone. We also had ice-cream joints, beachside laughs and movies at Satyam. Just what normal friends would do in Chennai. All along our minds would be reminding us “ daughter of a legend” but she would always reassure “ Just Bhavatha” just your next door but special friend.

Staying away from Chennai has given me a lot but has also taken a lot away from me. Her passing and me unable to even see her one last time being the biggest loss. I last met her in 2022 Navaratri and after that it has always been over phone. Her last text to me was “ let’s go somewhere to eat” … she would take recommendations from me like the one time we went to the Parthasarathy Swami sabha canteen to have the “ Elai saapadu “ as she would call it. And would thoroughly cherish and enjoy it.

She would often pull me with my craze for Carnatic music and concerts for laughs but she was carnatic trained herself and had a deep appreciation for the art form. As would be evident in her listening and participation of the concerts organised at her fathers place for Navaratri. Her last message to me on Instagram was a clipping of a Sanjay Subrahmanyan concert - I was pleasantly surprised and overjoyed- but did not react much except for a thumbs up- little did I know she would leave the planet a few days after that.

She loved her family- her parents, her brothers, her niece and nephews , her cousins and the extended family. She had very cordial relationships with the musicians she knew and they all consider her their own daughter or sister or friend. She cherished her friends and was there for them in her own ways.

Bhavatha is a true loss on this planet. The earth has lost a very warm and genuine human who brightened life for everyone she was associated with. An irreplaceable loss for her family. An unbelievable and heart wrenching loss for us friends.

I don’t know if I can ever step in to her house and look at a picture of her on the wall rather than her being there to welcome us «  I’ll be there by 7 come come » she would have texted just before. And ensure we have dinner with her before we leave. This was our every Navratri ritual. We would freeze everytime when we enter the «  legend » zone be it home or the studio where her dad worked but she would be the ice breaker, the « welcomer »the person who united us all!

You’ve taken a little bit of everything from me when you have left Bhavatha. Chennai or your dads music or your voice on the radio , the T Nagar house, Kapaleeswarar Koil, Thiruvannamalai, Ramanashramam… you’ve taken a bit of all this away with you. None of this is going to be the same without you. Ever again.

I know you are in peace already with your mom and probably you left because otherwise you would have to suffer.

But your loss is a rude reminder to me that nothing what I see , I can count on- it can all be taken away in a jiffy. Especially the best things and the best people.

Whatever connected you and me am sure will connect us again somewhere in the spectrum of eternity.

Until then, no am never going to get over your loss!

#Bhavatharini Bhavatha

[malapkv]

Navaratri Mandapam concert of Sanjay Subrahmanyan 2023

It is impossible to NOT write about the Navaratri Mandapam concert experience- a royal treat for Sanjay Subrahmanyan fans every year. It is a place that people do not hesitate to travel to from other states, despite Navaratri schedules at their homes and other responsibilities, all competing with that ONE purpose -of being there in that oil- lamp lit concert laced with flowers, decorations and a tradition that ran through centuries .

This is a place where all people including the artists, all minds and perceptions converge into one experience- Reality is suspended for those three hours, concepts of time and space blur and all focus is on the Divinity -the air has to offer. In other words, a psychedelic sought-after familiarity.

The artists in question are doyens, having nothing left to prove to the world or the musical audience. Yet am sure they too are here for this collective experience, and they were simply at their mind blowing best yesterday- With Sanjay and Varadarajan as one cohort and Neyveli Venkatesh and Alathur Rajaganesh as another, us as audience, not knowing which piece to focus on-and then the ambience reminds you that it is all about convergence, so we finally settled for that one cohesive listening ecstacy.

The line up of songs is already published by Sanjay Subrahmanyan so no surprises. Or we would so think, until Anandavalli which we listen to him render for the longest time would yet again surprise us with its beauty and nuances. Just like Sanjay himself whom we gape at and wonder – how his normally electrifying energy is channelized into a subtlety similar to the soft and unstoppable glow of oil lamps all around us. And how he quickly transcends from one beautiful composition to another, us not knowing which one to bookmark as favorite and finally surrendering all senses and discretion to that obsessive Pantuvarali.

And just when we draw a silent breath thinking it can’t get better than this, Varadarajan takes over with his natural prowess inspired by the ambience and audience – and completing the work of art that Sanjay initiated and the yo-yoing goes on..

For someone like me who has been traveling to attend this concert all these years and now attending it from Trivandrum itself- when in a new place we always tend to take time to settle with new experiences-Trivandrum as a city is still growing on me and I am having to create my own identity here-that’s when this team of brilliant musicians come in and remind me that time, places and experiences may be different but end of the day my identity as a “Sanjay fan” will ever remain intact. I might have to wait a bit before I can travel again, but for those who have to stay put like me, there is always the blessing called Sanjay Sabha….Until the next time…

#sanjaysubrahmanyan

[malapkv]

Being a Brahmin..

I think this is an appropriate moment to reflect on the politics around anti-Brahminism in Tamil Nadu.

Usually women are asked the question "How many women can confidently say that they were not inappropriately touched somewhere in a crowded place or by someone known in a private place at some point in time in their life? “All women will vouch for this happening to them at some point or the other.

Similarly, I ask a question, how many Brahmins in Tamilnadu can safely say they have never been subject to shaming, ridicule, extreme criticism for no fault of theirs? I was born to Brahmin parents- that automatically makes me someone who should feel ashamed of her birth? Well throughout my life, everyone around me in Tamilnadu have made me feel that way. Either they would openly insult or very indirectly say "Hey thappa nenakadheenga but we always keep a distance from Brahmins...Neenga apdi illa, but we dont like your community"....how many Brahmins reading this can say this has never happened to them in some form or the other at some point in time in their lives?

Well, let me tell you an insider's story. What actually goes on in a "detestable Brahmin" household. We are brought up with firm principles which state that all beings, not just humans, but all beings are equal and sacred. We are constantly told that harming any being directly or indirectly would cause Karma that could affect us for generations. We are constantly fed with principles of "Ahimsa" and the belief that people will ultimately face their own Karma. Which is why you see that this whole community doesn't fight back or resort to blood wars despite all the atrocities committed against them for decades.

In my household, for that matter in any of my relatives or friends' places I have never heard any talks which go "We are the upper caste, we should act superior" NEVER. Whereas I know that some other "so called upper castes" in Tamilnadu have the habit of directly asking "Enna jaadhi nee" as soon as they meet somoene new or talking about the so called "lower castes" as inferior to them. I can't even think of differentiating between any living being, for all my Brahminical upbringing. But most people around me who are not Brahmin s thrive on this superiority complex-Please don't even think of denying this-you know it for yourself who I am speaking about.

Have this clear-Casteism is NOT propagated by the Brahmins in today's world, we just bear the brunt for others 'sins. Since we do not resort to blood wars.

I was once pulled up by my school principal because my teacher reported to her saying "This girl has only Brahmin friends -she doesn't talk to others". Factcheck 1- None of my friends were Brahmins this teacher assumed it. And Factcheck 2-She was the mother of one of my classmates who didn't like me at that point in time, so voila, slam caste on someone who you can't blame otherwise! And the Brahmin wont retort because if/she does you can spew some more hatred on them. Afterall your state's politics is full of it!

My cousins grew up in the North so the surname Iyer was a natural one for them to keep. I thought I should borrow it for social media since it is short-only 4 letters and I am an Iyer by the way so why not? The kind of ridicule I was subject to by total strangers just for having this surname is unimaginable. People whom I had never met or known in my life waged a verbal attack on me insisting I don't use "casteist" surnames . I was so fed up I decided to change it..

When I think of it now, it was not a good decision...

I did not use a certain surname to hurt sentiments so why should I be harassed? If a certain name causes you hurt its your own making isn't it? You don't even know me !

I loved what a celebrity said recently..She said "I do not want to carry my religion or caste as an identity, because I do not consider it to be my identity....but if you decide to harass me for being born in a certain religion or community, then I would proudly display it like a badge."

My father was an atheist ....Never seen him step into a temple or perform a single ritual at home. My husband is neither an atheist nor a staunch believer. He is tad indifferent to religiosity.

However, the fact that I was born a Brahmin and will remain one until I die doesn't change... Because I looked at no being as superior or inferior to me and I did not cause anyone harm....so I will not be ashamed of my identity how much ever shaming I am subject to...

I reside in another state now and I do not see the venom that exists in Tamilnadu towards the Brahmin community here. Which reiterates that everything around us is a sheer political game.

Time to bring the Iyer back into the name I am guessing...

#Brahmin tamilnadubrahmin

[malapkv]

Urudhi

This earworm has been on loop from the time it was released this afternoon- Yes kudos to the global brand and all the people behind it-But to a subset of the population who call ourselves the Sanjay Subrahmanyan fans, he is the centre and around him revolves everything else which includes “ sometimes” our lives ..

Going straight to the point, my first reaction to the video was jubilance- seeing him in a full length Coke Studio video and the fact that his individuality was so beautifully maintained throughout.

Then slowly as I kept playing it and listening to the lyrics, I had uncontrollable tears as I realized that this song had many layers of depth. Of course, the description already says that this is about faith.

Faith can exist at different levels. நீ இன்றி வேறேது உறுதி may be left to individual interpretations.

For someone like me who is right now suffering separation pangs from Chennai as a city, Chennai is my comfort, Chennai is my unfailing truth….almost like an individual comforting me from a distance and waiting to embrace me back into her fortress..

At a soul level I have been addicted to the music called Carnatic music almost my entire life, what this form of music does to me just cannot be described in words, and this music is often my “go to “music for all moods and all phases of life…

Listening therefore to a Surutti in Sanjay Subrahmanyan’s voice, his unique vocal style and phrasing, the veena and all the supporting musicians was an affirmation of all my faith in all the good that life has to offer..through the magic called music.

With so many changes in places, scenes, so many quick transformations, so many shocks and surprises to adapt to in the last few years, nothing was more stable than music…

And of course, at a spiritual level, my innate trust in the Divine- as a devotee-To me music and devotion are most of the times intertwined. The fact that such beautiful music with all its raagas exists is proof that the Supreme Power exists. Well, atleast to me.

And finally, like I have repeated myself to the point of no return, for people like us who cherish the Sanjay concert experience, and for him unfailingly providing that experience in offline and online forms -And not diluting that even one bit even in this video …

Honestly, Sanjay Subrahmanyan sir, “ நீங்கள் இன்றி எங்களுக்கெல்லாம் வேறேது உறுதி?”

[malapkv]

The Sanjay Subrahmanyan paradox

Let me begin like a textbook- The Sanjay Subrahmanyan concert/fan paradox may be defined as an audience state of mind, where you have listened to it all, yet it feels fresh and impressive each time you attend his concerts- where you have spoken about it and tweeted about it, but still want to keep talking about it. You just don't know what to write but all you want to do is, share that last concert experience with common minds. Where you are bashed and mocked for being his die-hard, but that critique only keeps pushing you to be a deeper die-hard!

We the Sanjay Sub fans have not changed- we keep singing his praises. Nothing is new right? But wait, wasn't this all impossible for a whole three years-where we were all masked up and not knowing what the future of music itself was? That tunnel seemed like it had no light. And those of us who progressed to be his fans all started with being curious backbenchers in his overcrowded concerts. Slowly inching ourselves towards the dais-for we wanted to catch his every expression (I miss taking photographs by the way :)) To us Sanjay meant amplified mass energy but paradoxically personalised and customised music. His viruttams would translate to personal philosophies according to each one's situation and struggle in life.

However, truth be told-during the last two plus years sitting amongst some minimal audiences watching this doyen perform some of his signatures was not easy. That was a time I tried controlling tears because I just could not relate to the experience. The fact that a performer like Sanjay was suddenly restricted to a limited audience and all we could do was access him virtually and vice versa was a very hard reality to accept.

Why would that be? Because this man is a man of the masses. He draws his energy from that overwhelmed audience who in turn submerge him in their uproars and ovations. That relationship was real. It could not be boxed into virtuality. A Sanjay concert translated into crowds of energy. Live electricity and human fireworks!

I genuinely missed that exchange of vivacity that a Sanjay concert was. But as all things would pass, that phase is also “hopefully” behind us. Couple of his admirers also fell along the way causing us some deep moments of grief. I have seen Sanjay through their eyes, and I miss that profoundly. All the losses only made me reflect and appreciate whatever is left of life and music, so to say.

After the confinement stage and those moments of melancholy we are in the era of live concerts once again. My own life moves at such a fast pace that each day’s events roll by like a film strip and I wonder where am I in all this cosmos? What’s the role am playing? City hopping and transport jumping - amidst a brash cyclone I land in Chennai for yet another Sanjay concert.

And as I sat there listening to his Mohanam and Kamboji and Varali -suddenly those pieces that kept falling apart started regrouping themselves. At the very least I know I belong here. I have waded through floods in this same city listening to the same Ambigai Jagadambikai for patience through those waters. I know that his music gives me what is needed to wade through this uncertainty called life. Amidst all the changes and losses his music has remained my constant.

And watching him yet again, all over again, in his elements- where he , like a magnet, absorbs the spirit of each person in the large audience and gives it back multifold through his unfeigned renditions was a scene that could not stop me from jumping with joy. His impeccable renditions enhanced by the season’s magic, reawakens my spirit! It makes me dance internally along with his brigas in glee, it makes me admire the way he weaves his own persona into every phrase of the music - when all else fails there is always Sanjay’s music to fall back on.

And for the moment while we are all still alive and kicking, the surety of his large live concerts, all over again being the key phrase, lingers…

Like someone rightly said, his energy is therapy. He is made for a large audience and those overflowing audiences are made for him. In this ephemeral eternity, his concerts are hope!

#sanjaysubrahmanyan #sanjaysub

[malapkv]

Is it really anybody's business?

The Nayan Wikki (lol) wedding is all over. I am being thrust with loads of and more information on their wedding -weeks before and weeks after the actual wedding happened. Agree that the wedding itself is business and Netflix will soon be shoving more of this down my throat and agree that they are film personalities with their own agenda. Agree that this is business. And nothing more.

But peel off the layers. And there I see a woman. Once a woman becomes an actress in a country like ours, she is supposed to be "ready" for everything. Which includes invasion into her personal life and being the subject of constant ridicule. She grits her teeth and tolerates it all with a plastic smile, no wonder she wants to make a business out of everything- since everything and everyone has already objectified her.

But what I write now is not about that woman. Or her profession. Its the attitude and mindset of the masses. That makes crude comments about her personal life on all platforms. Its not her, do you realize its US, its YOU?

So many comments, so many groups, so many of our minds constantly judging that woman there- Am sure we all did it internally even if we have not placed our thoughts out in the public forums, somewhere something out there seems to tell us that we CAN judge, CAN pass lewd comments or CAN get b8tchy about her life just because she is a public figure.

And there lies the problem.

I mean, I am absolutely fine with some weird albeit lame articles on the fashion sense expressed in the choice of clothes, the food, the invitees etc.

But somehow when I see comments like "Anyway this is not the first man she is in a relationship with ", I see something terribly wrong with us as a society -as a whole.

Whose business is it that she was in relationships earlier? What gives us the right to judge that part of her life? Somewhere we do it, I honestly think, because we may not be happy with the relationships in our lives, and we do not have positive imagery about own relationships, past or present...

A Malayalam actor recently spoke in one of his interviews "Can every man come forward and say that their lawfully married wife was the first woman they were in a relationship with?" He said that in a rather profane manner, of course, but he has a point.

Us judging an actress, us making filthy online comments and creating images in mind has a lot to do with self-judgement. At a Freudian level, it probably is a comment on your own life.

"She was in a relationship with a popular actor. She had a boyfriend who was married. She lived with many men before deciding to marry this one"

Really? Does anybody know what she went through and what really happened? Whether these relationships she was in, were consensual or forced or circumstancial ? Whether she was happy and is happy?

Does it matter? Whether its her or his first marriage or the 4th, whether he is older or she is way older? That she married at 37? Is there some prefixed template about marriage or life?

So what if all of the above happened? So what if she now decided to marry and may tomorrow decide to separate? Or live happily ever after?

What difference does it make to anybody's life or business?

With so much of advancement in science and technology and ease of life, our minds have shrunk, is what I would think. We are so fixated by templates and shoulds and should nots and guided by what every second person does or portrays to the world.

It doesn't matter to me if Nayantara ,the woman, lived with, is living with, married, is marrying, will marry or will live with three men or be single when she's 74.

All that matters to me is she is clear about what she is doing and is not forced into her choice, is somewhat happy and is not destroying other lives.

That to me is what a woman needs. She, me and every woman.

And for those judging her, stop being so hard on YOURSELVES!! If you have gotten what I mean!

#Freudianjudgements

[malapkv]

Sanjay vs Sanjay

Disclaimer- Do not follow my example, you may land yourself in trouble

Anyone who knows me for a few years now, would know that attending Sanjay kucheris is an important part of my life. Of course the last two years changed it all. 

My friend would have his birthday and he would submit to the fact that I would not attend because it was in December. Its the same friend who started following Sanjaysub pages out of sheer curiosity (apdi enna than iruku andha kucheri la)and recently made a comment “Hey enna unga artist bayangara corporate level marketing lam panraaru?” He follows him quite closely now..

Its another story that my previous boss, a French lady got super annoyed with me because on December 13, 2019 I refused to stay in Pondi despite her asking and fled to Chennai for the BGS kucheri-She later almost gave me a memo...lol. 

Disappointed another very traditional boss for not attending Saraswati Pooja at office-Because I was in Trivandrum for Navaratri Mandapam

Of course, no new year parties or get togethers the last few years. I was never a party person in the first place and new year mornings were always kucheri mornings. Andha “Wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year” in the same intonation every year kekalena, the year did not dawn for us.

My cousin once disowned me because he found my caller tune boring. I in return disowned him because it was Kanakasaila Viharini by Sanjay, and him calling that boring meant he is out of my life for the rest of my life. #EnnaOruGnanaSoonyam

So I have risked losing jobs and friends and sometimes relatives by attending Sanjay kucheris instead of attending to them...just that it was a happy escape always :P

In this context, today was an unusual Thamizh Puthandu kucheri- that too with an in -built Kalyani so i was in my extreme spirits. I just didn't have a care for this material world outside that kucheri cocoon.

Post the Kedaragowla and the Kalyani I was getting doped in the Charukesi..it was just past 8 pm when my phone rang. “Sanjay calling”...

My heart skipped a beat. It was this Sanjay at work who is a stakeholder and who was very annoyed I missed his calls last week. Today I just could not take the call so I sent him an sms “I will call you later”

I was relieved.

Around 8.43 pm another call and yet another call at 8.45. My mind started to weave situations and responses and judgements “Its Tamil New years day and why is he calling me well past work hours” “What if it was something urgent” “Well I responded in SMS” “Will I land myself in trouble?”...etc etc UND SO WEITER

After the kucheri I ran out and called him in the parking lot -” He picked the phone and said grimly “This is Sanjay”

I told him I was at a “noisy place” so couldn’t take his calls. And that I was very sorry. And that I sent him an sms.

There was no trouble, he wanted to finish his work since tomorrow is Vishu so he called me today #Phew. I was glad that I was able to successfully cover up my kucheri attendance. After a good conversation (Only I knew how nervous I had gotten)he finally asked.

Hey Mala, what is that song I heard when I called on your other phone?

I literally froze. Here am trying to put the Sanjay kucheri I just attended under cover and now this. 

“Hehe Sanjay, that is a song by someone who has the same name as you” I sheepishly managed. And my mind said unless he has been living under the caves he should know who it is. (What the hell, you cant NOT know my favorite singer/person DAMN)

And I politely asked him “You are not much into Carnatic music are you?” ...he said “No”

Then I said , “That's Sanjay Subrahmanyan” and he said 

“I know”

End of Story

#sanjaysubrahmanyan #Sanjaysub

[malapkv]

Ending 2021 with gratitude

I write and rewrite about my favorite singer, artist, icon Sanjay Subrahmanyan. Its the least I can do to express my gratitude for someone who gives his life force into each concert that impacts so many lives in so many different ways, as consistently as the sunrise. 

In my household his music has been like an antidote for almost everything-Bad mood fixes, conflict management, daily motivation, frustration tolerance, jubilance, sometimes joy and sometimes tears- His music accompanies it all. 

Recently with the virtual Sanjay Sabha, I keep playing his music everyday at home for my Alzheimers afflicted mother- almost like how we play videos to divert toddlers when they are fed in a playschool. My mother’s case is unique -she has been affected by memory loss much ahead of the usual age in which this disease hits the elderly. So while she has short term memory issues, her long term memory is intact as is her fondness for Sanjay’s music. Whenever his music is played, which is everyday, she becomes euphoric. And now with the crystal clear videos she is able to enjoy it all the more. Sometimes she forgets the name of the accompanists but never him-No surprise that!

The illness strikes in many weird ways and most of the days it is very difficult to handle. To briefly explain without much melodrama it is hellish for the offspring when the parent goes through this. And if you read about the illness you will realise that the caregiver tends to get mentally affected much more than the patient itself- since it is very hard to suddenly handle the complete changeover- from a parent we once looked up to- to almost a child whose repeat questions we need to answer with patience- for many days/months/years in a row. Simply put, not easy! At all.

Given this situation, I was experiencing a streak of abusive behavior for the past few weeks and had reached my fag end of hope. A small stroke of Ayurvedic luck helped fix the situation and to my surprise there was complete calm for a couple of days. She was able to experience joy herself. And that, to a daughter means the world. 

And yesterday evening, as usual, we played Sanjay-This time not the concerts but the “On That Note” series. She just loved listening to him -kept singing along for the familiar raagams. And suddenly asked திராவிட காலாவதி யா ? அதென்னடி ராகம்? கேள்வி பட்டதே இல்ல  . “அவரே கண்டுபிடிச்ச ராகம் மா” அப்பிடியா நன்னா இருக்கு .....and she was all smiles. I could see her thoroughly enjoying the way he spoke, his expressions and his smiles. And at the end she said ..என்ன கூட்டிண்டு போ கச்சேரிக்கு...That , you see, came after years and years- And it was a wonder moment for me. Something indicated that yesterday evening was a “normal” evening-A normal I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. And I was smiling gleefully-Back at Sanjay who was smiling on screen with his colorful clothes and contagious joy.

I am only left with gratitude as this year ends, that my loved ones are still around me. That Sanjay’s music has taken different forms and is more accessible than ever before. That his Sanjay Sabha live kucheris were so seamlessly planned and were easy-to attend. That his episodes which he painstakingly shot and released are helping an old woman in some unknown way. I am only thankful.

My cousins who were brought up in the Aryan regions of India are a bit blind to the Sanjay effect- and they even make fun of my fanaticism. They probably think that this is like being a fan of a Bollywood star. I didn't have answers to give them. Until recently someone who attended his Music Academy Sanjay Sabha and made a comment 

“வராம இருந்தா ஒண்ணுமே தெரியல. ஆனா ஒரு கச்சேரிக்கு வந்தாதான் தெரியறது வராம இருக்குறப்போ எவ்வ்ளோ miss பண்றோம் னு”  ( Roughly translated-One really doesn’t understand what one misses unless one attends his concert)

One may have to read that a few times to get the depth of it. And THAT would really be my answer!

#sanjaysubrahmanyan

[malapkv]

I do not want to mince words.

But if this man

- Who is a stereotypical South Indian who speaks Tamil and studied Chartered Accountancy and Cost Accountancy

- But didn't stop with wearing white work shirts and a 9-5 routine

- Followed his passion in yet another sterotyped " boring" field of Carnatic Music

- But didn't become the typical " I am an artist so I will wear colored silk kurtas and pose for album covers" and created his own swag + attire+ attitude= brand - only to be emulated and secretly admired

- Has his own global fan following

- But didn't stop reinventing himself

- Is the biggest crowd puller in his niche

- But disrupted the entire way the niche functions through his recent " Sanjay Sabha" ( Read about it- it's case study material)

- Didn't stop functioning during the pandemic but rather used the chance to storm the internet with his recent Avatar.

Is well read, can think ,write on,speak about any topic under the sun with research and conviction

But is still the stereotyped filter coffee drinking man living somewhere in the lanes of good old Madras clad in a veshti and Kurta ..

If this man

Is NOT your icon to follow ( whichever part of the globe you may be)

Is NOT the pride of any South Indian with his head on his shoulders

Is NOT your representation of the best talent, brains and looks of this part of the country

Then you are missing following a PHENOMENON from your times!

This " my- jaw -drops" picture courtesy- K Rajasekaran ( you genius) for Ananda Vikatan

#sanjaysub #sanjaysubrahmanyan

[malapkv]

Two songs and a Thanks.

I make reference here to the lyrics of two songs

The first is by Abba which goes

So I say

Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing

Thanks for all the joy they're bringing

Who can live without it? I ask in all honesty

What would life be?

Without a song or a dance, what are we?

So I say thank you for the music

For giving it to me

I know I am reflecting the thoughts of all in Sastri hall yesterday when I tweak these lyrics and say “Thank you for the (Sanjaysub) live Kucheri, for giving it BACK to me” And you can change the rest of it as you wish J

 Once Sanjay“settles into his ZONE” after that, there is no looking back. He drives on with no break and no mercy for the audience either. When I was just about to revel in the kingly Divakara Tanujam embellished with Swara appropriations, landed the queenly Bhairavi in a nanosecond. For me personally it is not just Yadhukulakamboji or Bhairavi.It is Dikshitar’s Divakara Tanujam and the way Sanjay phrases the “Maha Tripura Sundari” The careful diction and the ardour added to the Sahityam almost paints the picture of the Goddess as synonymous with the Universe. At that surreal moment the Bhairavi and  Mahatripura Sundari become one and the same. And that makes all the difference. Atleast to me!

 Whenever I search for a rendition of any popular Kriti I naturally start with searching for Sanjay’s rendition. And there are a few kritis for which I don’t see his version online and have to settle for other versions. Divakara Tanujam was one of them-I searched hard but did not find it- Am so grateful and am filled with boundless joy that I now have his version with that signature style-An endearing composition-and I am going to say why, and SUCH an ENDEARING  presentation.

So that evidently brings me to the second song reference- Dikshitar’s Divakara Tanujam.

 For any person raised with a dose of religiosity, Lord Shaneeswaran spells danger. He is used as a synonym for misfortune, sometimes also a swear word. This is popular culture. But it took the genius and compassion of Dikshitar to almost embrace Shani Bhagavan with personal affection.

  He does highlight the “malefic’ effects of the planet Saturn, but at the same time balances it out- by saying he is also an ocean of mercy.

  Bhayankaram Athi Krura Phaladaam

 He causes fear (“bhayankaram”)  in people plunged (“nimagna”) in the ocean of worldly life (“bhavam”) and is the harbinger of bad effects (“atikrura phaladam”) of one’s life.

 Dayaa Sudhaa Saagaram

 He is an ocean (“saagaram”) of nectar (“sudha”) of compassion (“dayaa”)

 The way the composer embraces the Lord is sentimental on the one hand, and for the non religious, it is pure  practicality-Embrace the downs as much as you would cherish the ups.

At the end of it all, life is a mix and a balance. After a dark pandemic, DOES resurface the live kucheri ..And doesn’t it give a million more times the joy now than it ever gave before?

So I say, a MILLION thanks for bringing the live kucheri back. Thanks for the hope it brings. And like one mami was heard saying loud “Ppah manushaala paathu evlo naalachu” !!

#Sastri Hall Concert Nov 13 2021 #culture

[malapkv]

Ashvamitra-Tamil movie

Ashvamitra- a beautiful inclusive Tamil film playing on Neestream makes me think of many themes..

 When I started watching the film, I could not help but recall “ Anjali” of the 90s. Especially the hairstyle....hair strewn all over...a child who refuses to communicate...

However Ashvamitra is not a typical commercial entertainer. It’s a film that reflects and requires patience. It would make you pause and think. I have always wanted to write about my mother’s Alzheimer’s. The way Alzhemier’s changes the world of the affected and the caretaker.  All of a sudden, life is not the way we saw it. Deadlines seem silly- when one loses their own senses. Life becomes redefined..the meaning of life changes when one is a caregiver for anyone who is challenged mentally...be it a special child or a parent who has suddenly moved from being active and sharp to someone who asks the same question a thousand times in a day...and expects a patient response each time. During these moments, time comes to a standstill and emotions rule. Patience becomes key. The concept of time and achievement is redefined....This film expresses that beautifully....the way life remains almost the same for the child and his healer....day in and day out....the way the world demands speed and action and the way healing happens in its own pace....and not to the demands of the world.

 The film also beautifully explores the role of a father in a child’s development. While cinema generally glorifies motherhood, this film, subtly and firmly showcases that the father is as important as, or sometimes more important than the mother....

The film is very inclusive....there is someone who stammers, there are victims of child abuse, there is disease and loss... there is a real life transgender who plays a beautiful role.....the world after all is not always made up of models and achievers as is the portrayal of reality in most films.. Anything can happen any moment and it takes everyone to create this world..

The whole film has very few characters but the two principal ones-played by Harish Uthaman and the little girl Tareetha leave a lasting impact...a sure lump in the throat.

This film is a woman’s film- be it the director, the cast or even the little girl...and there is just one man in the forefront, and he stands out.

Harish completely surprises - it is almost impossible to separate the actor from the character Arun and the impact is deep. So many shades presented so beautifully...how the stammer makes him a socially awkward person at times...how his wounds haunt him and how he tries to heal himself by healing the child....... Especially the way he loses his temper when he is asked to “hurry up”. Arun knows that the globe does not rotate in hurry- and not everything is fast food, and thats where his anger comes from.

Sometimes some films become turning points for some wonderful actors. Until Anjali was released, Raghuvaran was a maniac villain....it was in Anjali that Maniratnam chose to portray him as a sensitive,loving, caring father....and all of a sudden the whole outlook towards the actor changed....and he went  on from the most feared villain to become the most loved ‘ father ’of Tamil cinema.

I do hope Ashvamitra is a turning point for the actor in Harish- Indian cinema is so full of heroism and so starved of subtle sensitive portrayals....I hope brilliantly talented actors like him are given appropriate roles....

The film touches a chord at many levels...And for anyone having strong bonds with their father /father figure, the film would speak a familiar language .

Ashvamitra- A must watch! For almost all aspects of the film.

#ashvamitra harishuthaman

[malapkv]

Being a  Kerala daughter-in-law!!

Etiquette lessons across the globe read as follows-

English Speaking countries

In most English-speaking countries, food is not a topic that you discuss with someone you have just met unless you meet them in a restaurant

Japan

In Japan-If you ask someone whether they like a food (that even many Japanese people do not like), it might seem as though you are trying to find differences. This is not a very friendly thing to do.

France

To the French, conversations are for exchanging points of view, not finding things in common, (the goal of conversation for North Americans).

In their new book, The Bonjour Effect: The Secret Codes of French Conversation Revealed, authors Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoît Nadeau elaborate on why you should never ask a French person about their work.

The reaction is not just about the conversation starter’s affront to egalitarianism (a concept the French value dearly, even if they don’t live it, Barlow says). Rather, the French frequently enjoy pretending that they don’t like their jobs.

So, just like money, work is a boring topic.

“They will be offended, believing you’re trying to put them into a box,” Barlow, a French-Canadian, tells Quartz. “And they just don’t think it’s interesting to work for a living. There are other things they’d much rather talk about.

Anywhere in the world

“Which part of the country are you from?” (Notably, it’s not “where are you from?” which, in France, could imply you are not French-. That could be a danger in the US, too, where immigration and citizenship have become fiercely debated topics.)

Employment legalities across the globe

The Equal Employment Opportunity Act (EEOA) prohibits you from asking questions that might lead to discrimination, or the appearance of discrimination.

Bottom line: you cannot ask questions that in any way relate to a candidate's:

• Age

• Race

• Ethnicity

• Color

• Gender

• Sex

• Sexual orientation or gender identity

• Country of origin

• Birthplace

• Religion

• Disability

• Marital status

• Family status

• Pregnancy

• Salary history (in some states)

Anywhere in the world

It is not polite to make comments about people’s bodies, even if you mean it in a good way. Comments like, “Wow, your eyes are so blue!” or “You are so big!” make people feel like zoo animals.

In most places in the world, asking a stranger what kind of work he or she does, especially without any pretext, is frowned upon. And now, “What do you do?” is finally becoming a tainted question in North America, too.

Me

I come from a Human Resources background, and I have also been involved in recruiting people during the early stages of my career.

In fact I used to be part of technical panels too, maybe as a measure to ensure that the candidate is comfortable, the right questions are asked, the candidate is never placed in discomfort and a fair chance is given for the candidate to speak.

I did a ‘work reconversion” recently and experienced life in a diplomatic mission. The word and the descriptor say it all- the keyword is diplomatic.

I have learnt to be extremely careful on what to say, what not to say, how it’s important to greet before starting a conversation etc

That it has become part of my nature to be very careful in “questioning’people, even in daily life.

I then enter, God’s Own Country and these are some of the questions that people around me generally asked

• Who is there at home ( Veetil aarund)

• And then we tell them who is there-they would go on to ask specific details- how many siblings, what do parents do...do I have a job etc

• After sometime it borders around “Is this your first marriage? Why have you been unmarried for so long?” and they gaze to see if you have any hip-belts (read disabilities) that disqualified you to get married when everyone else did.

• Sometimes they even ask you “have you always been this fat?”

And while you are still digesting these questions that come from “ your closed circle-read family and friends”, you decide to go to the local shop to buy a soap or take a stroll on the road because all those tall dense trees are novelty to you....you get stopped on the road or at the shop with the following questions

• Who are you-tourist??

• If you are not a tourist, who are you staying with?

• How are you related to the person you are staying with?

• What work do you do and what work does that person do?

• Is it your husband?How long have you been married for?

• How many children? Is that random boy with you, your child?

• How old are you again?

And if it’s a woman who is older than you, she would have no qualms in scanning your entire physical profile and even say “ are you wearing a purple slip?”Nice! (With real admiration)

In short, be prepared for random investigations that include your birth mark, family history, passport or even pass book information, health records, aadhar card and PAN card details to be demanded by any unknown person on the road- it's just the done thing and it means they are being nice to you, when they do this.

For the hitherto –I-Love-Kerala –because –its –green- me....this was so suffocating that I ran for life.....to the Kannur airport, where I was stopped by the Airport security guard who said “ Didn’t you come in through the same airport on Friday? I saw you” and proceeds to ask the same set of questions as above...Ouf!

#marryingintoKerala

[malapkv]

Munnariyippu-Do not regret – I did WARN you!

According to Tumblr, this is my 25th post. When I went back and counted I did not find so many, but Tumblr seems to think so, so be it.

I usually write about music or movies or women’s rights, those have been my themes.  Before I expand consciously to other areas, here is a quarter- century post on films. And this time a Mamooty film.

During this 2021 lockdown, I have been watching the CBI investigation series of Mamooka.I got hooked to it, started googling on his thrillers...tried watching a few recent ones, and not liking the quality, decided to settle with those from the late 80s and early 90s. Was surprised by a film called Kanathaya Penkutty from 1985, a google suggestion- where Mamooty is not a cop but, well, far from itJ . While I was surprised by his choice of roles at that point in time, I got a suggestion of “ Munnariyippu”- a 2014 film. I had a smirk- 2014, was not a year I associated with quality thriller films....it had to be at least two decades earlier than that, I thought..

Until I decided to watch this murder mystery.  Munnariyippu- In Malayalam it means Warning.

It is difficult to write a review on this film without spoilers, so if you have not watched this film, STOP. You MUST watch it before reading ahead, for if not, you are missing a film of global standards.

Those who have watched the film may read ahead. Those who did not -do not regret reading it prematurely. I did WARN you! J

Well first of all, the whole team behind this masterpiece-Take a bow. If I had watched in a cinema hall, I would have clapped non- stop for a few minutes.

 The plot

The director takes the cake. Plotted so beautifully- keeping the audience interests in mind, making them impatient and weaving intricacies and layers into the storyline. The way the movie progresses, you keep guessing what could possibly be the revelation, you are busy spinning stories in the mind and watching the film with anxiety. The director has to be given full credit for creating this masterpiece of a cinema, with a minimalist approach and a clean screenplay.

And the choice of cast. I mean, who else except a master -creator can choose a mega star for Raghavan, imagine him in it and bring whatever he wanted on screen with so much perfection? Not just the protagonist, but the entire crew of actors- Aparna Gopinath-the intellectual, who would think that she was ever going to undergo what she finally underwent?

P for precision...precisely sculpted.

 Raghavan

I wanted to write about Mamooka-but sorry it is Raghavan that comes to mind.  

Raghavan is a “parama saadhu”. That is, he receives instructions, does whatever he is told and remains in the background. Very unassuming and obedient. Does not talk much except for his flow of philosophy- now and then. He does get angry at times and walks out of uncomfortable circumstances. But otherwise he is someone who can be shoved into an auto and be “taken for a ride”- I mean that body language when he gets into an auto with a stranger J

All this is true until the climax.

Only for us to realise that Raghavan is India’s answer to Hannibal Lecter.

While Hannibal the Cannibal ate body parts, drank blood and displayed gore, all that Raghavan did was smile!

Not a drop of blood. No yelling and no stunt scenes.

Just being himself -calm and poised, was enough to create the shivers.

Which is why he becomes scarier than Hannibal Lecter!

What a performance....Raghavan ...Sorry who was the actor again?

 Dialogues

Competing with the actor is the dialogues.

Dialogues that could be interpreted with many shades and layers. You would watch the film once and interpret the dialogues relating them to your own life.

You would watch the film again and interpret them with reference to the homicides.

But fact remains you cannot just watch this once, for you now know that Raghavan has always been giving clues all along

 The success of this film lies in the fact that an established commercial star was chosen for and had accepted this role. And despite seeing this star in many avatars, we could not guess until the end – his ROLE of a lifetime.

I heard this film did not excite the box-office. Because I am guessing that the plot was leaked and after that nobody wanted to watch it.

Whatever may be the case, the film is like the fourth lion in the Emblem. And the light that may be obstructed but can never be denied.

For this has to easily be one of the best films ever, of Indian Cinema-

And as I raise a toast for my 25th post, I also raise one for this film, the director Venu sir who I just happened to meet ( absolutely not knowing it was him) and therefore edited my end line to suit this serendipity! 😀

[malapkv]

The Great Indian Marriage

Of course the title was inspired by the film which was more about the marriage and less about the kitchen.

And the inspiration for this write up is an ad film about a school that is currently in controversy for part-real, part-political reasons. While the ad was created to promote the school, what it reminded me, was, of the disquieting status of the women in our society. This film reflects the community I was born into- but I know that this is also the state of women across the most progressive societies and nations that I know of, with exceptions that can be counted off fingers.

·        In the ad film the girl who is good looking, educated and comes from a so called progressive family, is still made to take coffee and serve the guests so, they can have a “good look” at her, which means they can ‘scan’ her –a procedure that was once created so the groom’s side could understand if she had any disabilities (which is inhuman, regressive and discriminatory anyway). But why does it still continue? In this day and age when people can see everyone’s photographs everywhere? The ‘ Aan kaanal” scene from Om Shanthi Oshana always comes to my mind-The scene in the film was meant to be a joke, but imagine what chaos would happen if roles were reversed and the boy was asked to bring coffee to the girl’s family?

·        And what was that joke about the guy touching her chain and some other guy laughing at it? Didn’t she feel like giving him one tight slap at that instant?

·        Oh and after she gives the coffee she is supposed to go and stand in hiding? She cannot sit and talk?

·        And then she is supposed to decide in an instant ? That she likes or dislikes the groom? The mother will ask her consent right in front of everyone? In a tone that says “ dare you say no’

·        And she has to accept a life as golden because the guy is from a particular institute and works in a particular firm and gets to go to the US a few times in a year?

This ad-film must have been shot at least ten years back, and it was not surprising that the film clearly communicates, that whatever changes, the woman’s choice over her life changes little.

Fast forward to 2019 and a film called June in Malayalam- which I happened to see last night. It is also set in the current context, and though there is a reference to orkut which is a few years old right now, I would still label the theme as current.

Where a girl falls in love with her classmate. She adores him and is ready to live a life with him. Only to be cut short by the father of the boy- who insists that she has to be a stay-at home wife –since they are already well to do and the “15000”she earns is not a big deal for their family. The best part is the boy also agrees and considers his father very ‘broad-minded’ for being accepting of his son’s choice. Since this is a good film, the girl leaves...to follow her own dreams. But in reality, how many girls are encouraged to “leave’ in such circumstances?

 I remember my own encounters with this arranged marriage system, when I was in my 20s.  I have had experiences enough to fill a book and sequels. Like this United States OF ‘A’ gentleman who asked me “how come you are so loyal to a profit making company and not to your future?”-When I refused to leave my job and go to the US after ‘marrying’ him. That’s what all other women my generation did anyway. Dare I be different?

And my misogynistic Carnatic music teacher in Chennai and their family at that time thought I was an idiot to not take up this “gateway to a great life”.  And I would receive unwelcome lectures from them on why I should “settle down”- I was even considered a threat to all the women in that “Carnatic” household simply because I was unmarried-And may become a mistress to the men!! They almost thrusted this thought on my face!! I still hear the voice say “ Oru ponnuku aanalum ivlo thimiru irukka koodadhu”

And another instance when my father meets the boy’s father and the first question he asks my father is “Can she cook and clean? Is she trained?’ Were they hiring a maid? I walked out, just like June- but unlike June I never thought much about marriage after that. I lived a happy independent carefree life of singlehood where there was one person who respected my dreams, my wishes and my life-and that was ME.

I am married now, and the decision to do so came only after my father’s passing when I really understood that I needed a “family”. You need family when you get knocked black and blue by life. And death is a great leveller. You realise things you never realised before.

Mine is an unusual marriage at an unusual stage in life. He was a friend, still is, and is someone who believes in my independence and pursuit of dreams.

So the harassment of several years came to an end, and people heaved a sigh of relief. For I wouldn’t continue to be a threat to the men in their homes, perhaps.

But I was still left intrigued. For now came the question ‘So you plan to become a home-maker? Best decision”

When did anyone ever say that marriage was supposed to be a substitute for your career or your dreams?

Innum ethanai kaalam than.... இன்னும் எத்தனை காலம் தான்?

I had my last laugh!

#indianmarriage

[malapkv]

The lament of a live-kucheri deprived soul! :)

When your entire life is defined in terms of quantity and quantifiable parameters, you realise at some point that some of the most precious valuables of your life can never be quantified. For instance, who would have thought that one day your freedom to walk out of your home in complete abandon, would, by itself be a luxury, a variable you would have never thought of quantifying?

Live Kucheri attendance is somewhat like that- You can never quantify what you gain by attending live kucheris. There is the kucheri and then,there is the Sanjay Subrahmanyan kucheri. To be differentiated. Unquantifiable. Incomprehensible.

As enthusiasts of his, we literally plan our lives around his kucheris. Thats a known and mostly mocked fact. So what have we really achieved or accumulated, by running behind these kucheris for this many years? Now that it has all been paused with the tunnel not having reached its end yet?

I know not, the answer to that one ...

All I know is, I, for one, never took anything for granted...

Not the kucheris themselves.

Not the crowd. Not the people scrambling for one seat or for one space on the dais in his houseful shows.

Not the communities that were invisibly being formed around it. Not the fact that when you keep seeing a person repeatedly over time, even with minimal conversation, they become an important connection.

Not the travel that we meticulously planned around the kucheris. Not the places we visited thanks to this travel.

Not the friends we formed outside of our own city, thanks to this common collective formed around the aura that was/is “Sanjay”

Not the many familiar faces ...some of those faces forging warm friendships across continents...and some annoying ones –we are all mutually fulfilling and annoying in turns anyway...

Not the  immediate circle, the extended circle, the close friends , the support system etc which got  built around this common factor. That unquantifiable return!

Not the bonus that a whole lot of us gained our own little twitter or insta limelight by riding on his stardom ( Well, yeah!)

And.....evidently not those resplendent people in white on the stage. With their magnum opus music-And their unfailing positivity.

You didn’t need to search for ways to fulfil the needs at the top of the pyramid of Maslow’s hierarchy.

You didn’t need therapy, you were not lamenting, you did not need a larger meaning for life.

The music, the dynamism, the positivity, the connect, the community- It took care of you. In subtle ways that cannot be measured or missed.

In  very simple terms, it gave us sanity-A very expensive commodity, the last couple of years...or so it seems.

Hey, but this can happen to anyone who regularly attends any live show. What’s the big deal, one may ponder. It’s true, you can follow any star or any mass art or sport form to obtain all this. But the differentiator is the radiated goodwill and the positivity. Which you feel in the air. Your gut telling you, you are in the right place following the right person, being part of the right community. Nothing feels out of place. Everything feels right. You cannot measure or quantify that one, you can’t ignore it, can you?

I never took anything for granted and never will. For I follow a dedicated artist who, as I always say, never takes his repeat audience for granted. Who takes humungous efforts to still be available in many digital formats at my fingertips today. Who addressed my existentialist confusions ,gave me a community and most importantly, sanity!

With a slight lump in my throat, but with a lot of hope, I look forward to the future, hoping to revive the moments that I never took for granted!

And while we wait for the world to revive,our strength lies in our memories!

#sanjaysubrahmanyan #livekucheri

[malapkv]

Drishyam 2- a mini review

Watched it for the second time to validate my point of view

And here is some comparative analysis

1) Drishyam 1 thrived on a simple story line. While Drishyam 2 is full of complicated intricacies- and I believe it has been created that way for OTT viewership- so you can watch it again and again and clarify your doubts 2) Drishyam 1 was a natural looking star cast. Version 2 Mohanal looks like a Madame Tussauds wax version of himself. 3) The overwhelming number of extra fittings in the version 2 dilutes memories of version 1 4) Meena does a bit of overacting I feel-with the interactions between the husband and wife serving as so called comedy 5) The film drags in intervals which was never the case in Drishyam 1

However 1) Mohanlal rules and am very amused that suddenly all reviews are waking up and calling him a good actor. Lol #duh 2) Not a bad sequel albeit with a lot of avoidable frills.

Conclusion

If you are a die hard fan of Drishyam 1( as in my case where the movie is internalised in my system) you can never accept Drishyam 2. Well not fully. If you didn't care much about Drishyam 1 then Drishyam 2 might make you go back and watch Drishyam 1 !!!!! And finally I can't wait for this complicated sequel to be further complicated for Kamalhassans Tamil version- and dubbed back to Malayalam

#Drishyam2

[malapkv]

Joie de Vivre

I often write about a Sanjay Subrahmanyan kucheri after we have attended it en masse – and then I write something which reflects exactly what everyone else in the audience has been thinking.  But that credit will not go to me, it will go to this magic man who gives the same experience to the thousands of people who follow him-almost like magic isn’t it?

When two Sanjay Subrahmanyan fans meet it is almost like some discussion within a secret society- the outsider never gets it, they often think we are crazy. But it’s never the case between two followers of his. Which leads me to almost formulate this fourth law of motion-well not exactly but something like it…

At any given point in infinity, any two followers or fans of Sanjay Subrahmanyan are bound to say Aah and ooh- almost at the same time during the concert and will discuss on the same things after the concert, and they will do it after every concert that would span their lives. Yesterday evening- led me to think what should I write when we are MISSING the live kucheris....Almost for a year now. Sanjay Subrahmanyan has been that rare artist who has been releasing free videos almost throughout the pandemic and has also recently introduced the concept of monthly paid viewership for recorded concerts. He has ensured that almost no stone has been left unturned to fill the kucheri void that the pandemic has created. But beyond the music, there are other aspects that bind us to the Sanjay experience... • Part of something bigger-I’ve often felt part of something bigger when I attend his concerts- Some kind of human transformation happens in that place, temporary suspension of reality-which includes troubles and worries, and almost everyone is in sync and in one world. I don’t think the artists on stage are exempt from this either....they draw from the crowd. And most importantly Sanjay himself extracts from the energy of the audience (which he only created by the way) and gives back the experience which leads to a repeat loop...you get the drift..If you don’t, don’t bother...I see the Sanjay fans already nodding in excitement :p • Festivities- Some of us plan months ahead for his concert. This includes applying for leave, it includes train or flight tickets at times, includes what clothes to wear and what accessories- It’s another story that in a hall filled with about 2000 people and overflowing in all pathways ( how much I miss that during Covid) and dimly lit , with flash lights on the performers, nobody even notices what anyone else is wearing. Except of course when we stand in the queue for hours before.( I miss that too) ...for what else is a Sanjay concert than a sheer crowd festival? And everyone wants to devour those couple of hours, looking and feeling their best....those colors all around are sorely missed. • The high- Does everyone feel that life is better after a Sanjay concert? We see the three men in white which is Varadu and Venkatesh and anyone else, we watch them perform, we soak in the music, and then we see heads around us sway....we see the heads and hands shake in sync to the tunes, we sometimes see people lip syncing along or even singing along (yeah!)...sometimes all the old faces, sometimes new ones...so many mobile phone captures and exchanges...and despite this being repeated over years, it never ceases to be fresh....and each time after this team performs, we feel that life is so much better with their live kucheri than without it!!! • The numbers- I think the most important thing we miss about the live kucheris is the large numbers. We all know that he draws unbelievable crowds and in some way, we love to be part of it and it’s an expectation. That crowd brings us a cleansing experience, and somehow once the kucheri starts, despite many differences, we feel one with the whole crowd. We are one soul, one persona really...the more the merrier..and the numbers merge into one!! Before I go on into this metaphysical mode, and ramble away like I always do, well....while all the videos are there for consolation and some of the online music is even better than a live concert, I do miss the human element....the collective whole that a Sanjay Subrahmanyan concert is...and I look forward to a year of vaccines, live kucheris and the much missed joie de vivre!!

#sanjaysub sanjaysubrahmanyan