manicstreetdepressive

[manicstreetdepressive]

Congratulations

I hope you never read this but I feel like it's something I need to say, I have struggled so long finding a way to tell you that I miss talking to you and that there is this one last thing I've wanted to say for some time now and it's that deep down I am so happy you are happy now. I've wanted to talk to you for so long and just say I hope things are good or see how you are doing but for the longest time I've felt like it would hurt you to hear from me, like the few times I've contacted you it ruined your day and thats not my intention at all. I realized a while ago that the best way to make you happy was if I wasn't around you anymore and it was really tough at first but I think you are in a strong enough place that I can write this and not worry if you read it (although I still hope you don't). There's never a time where I will stop loving you and I don't mean in a romantic way, but just as a friend. You are someone I deeply care about and although I always envisioned myself as being the person that would help you overcome your fears and doubts about yourself I am so happy you found someone that does just that for you. I have nothing but love for you and truly wish you the best life possible because you deserve to be happy. I am so glad you have come so far since I knew you and although I know I will never get to really know the person you've become I am happy to know that you finally have found a way to make yourself happy and believe you are worth something because you deserve to feel that way. I will always be proud of you for everything you've accomplished and I will always wish you the best. So congratulations on your engagement, I hope life is now everything you hoped it would be and more.

[manicstreetdepressive]

Top 3 Favorite Bands!

In honor of 50,000+ followers on this Pierce The Veil fan blog, we would like to give back. We know some of you guys are upset that PTV didn’t travel everywhere for their “World Tour.” So this is your opportunity to win something that is signed. Especially for those who have never met or seen PTV/SWS live before. We are collaborating with Becky aka guidetothegiglife so follow her! This isn’t much but it’s something that we both just want to say ‘thank you’ for following us and supporting PTV. With that said, we are giving away 1 signed Pierce The Veil \ Sleeping With Sirens poster and 1 VIP laminate from this years World Tour. (Laminate will not be signed)

Rules  :: Must be following ptv-network & guidetothegiglife :: Reblogs only. Likes will not be counted. (You may like to save)

ONE random winner will be chosen on Sunday, June 28th, 2015.  Time: TBA We will ship internationally. Again, thank you so much for following us and supporting Pierce The Veil. GOOD LUCK!

[manicstreetdepressive]

How Am I Really Doing

I find myself trying to be the opposite of what you think I am just so you aren’t right about me and so you can’t make me feel worthless but I know I am damaged. Knowing now that you use that against me it makes it really hard for me to trust anyone again, being cheated on makes it really hard for me to trust anyone, being dumped for opening up and talking about my feelings makes it hard to trust anyone, being thought of as a mistake makes it hard for me to trust anyone, feeling like just another number to you makes it hard for me to trust anyone. I hate myself for still caring what you think about me. I hate myself for still thinking about you and missing you after all the ways you hurt me and made me feel worthless, but honestly there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you and how fucked up everything you did to me was. I hate how you are okay being this way and don’t want better for yourself or to change, I hate that you are okay hurting other people and just blaming it on your own inability to grow up and become a better person. I hate this most of all because I know you could be so amazing and wonderful but you’d rather take the easy way out of life. I wish I could have made you see yourself how I did so you wouldn’t have to sleep around just to feel adequate because the way I loved you had nothing to do with your body, it was all about how you were. I loved helping you through nights of your depression, I loved trying so hard just to make you feel like you were worth something, I loved all the ups and downs of it because at least you were trying. You were and still are the first and only person to make me feel like I am worth everything and nothing. So being honest, I miss you, but the old you, I know the you I want to be with is dead now, replaced by the cold, careless shell of a girl that could’ve been something really special, and yes I am fucked up, and yes I don’t love where I am at in my life right now, and yes I have thought that maybe life isn’t worth it at times but I am going to do what you could never do. I am going to work at it and get better, I am going to make myself into someone respectable that I can be proud of, and maybe there will always be a part of me that craves your approval or your attention but I have already gone 2 months without any contact so I know I can do this. Deep down I want to forgive you, I want to become the man I know I can be and find the woman I hope you become on the other side and be with you because deep down I still love you but I am not going to let my feelings stop me from being happy, I know I deserve better and I really don’t know if I could ever forgive what you’ve done to me. I know I am on the right path and watching you fall further apart hurts me more than you can even imagine but it’s not my problem anymore. I just hope that your new lifestyle makes you happy because I sure as hell am not going to let everything you’ve done to me hold me down forever.

#BeenAWhile

[manicstreetdepressive]

Favorite Tune

[manicstreetdepressive]

[manicstreetdepressive]

Emotion of the ocean

So in the spirit of telling the truth and being awake way to late I want to say that people hide their feelings too much. I know I do it and I don’t understand why it’s considered a bad thing to have certain feelings towards something. At this exact moment I feel fine but in general I miss my ex and I would do anything to be with her again. I know if you come out and say that people get defensive for you “You deserve better” or “She’s not worth it” and sure maybe I do deserve better and logically should want to move on and honestly I do, I want someone who can respect me and care about me and be faithful, logically that is what I am looking for,  but emotionally I want her back and I don’t think it makes you weak or wrong to know what you want. Now am I going to throw away any shot at something better for that hope that she changes her mind and how she is and comes back to me? No, I won’t do that, but I just don’t understand why it’s so frowned upon to follow how you feel rather than hide it to convey that you don’t care when you honestly do. If everyone was more open and honest about their intentions and feelings then there would be a lot less sadness in the world. People need to stop having this stigma that they need to be strong or are better off if they honestly don’t feel that way. Emotions are nothing to be ashamed about and I think the world needs to understand that, to understand that sometimes the rational answer isn’t the one that makes sense to the individual. I know that if I got back together with my ex right now my friends would freak out and tell me that it’s going to fall apart and that I deserve whatever happens. Why? Why is that the first though to someone following their feelings over logic? Why do we try to force logic into something as illogical as emotions? I would always rather follow what I believe in and fight for the things that make me truly happy that take the logical way out, even if the odds are against me I want to do what completely makes me happy, not follow the path to something safe and lacking feeling. So in that regard I wanted to come out and say that I miss her, I know she needs time alone now and that’s why I am not chasing her or telling her any of this, but I honestly miss her, and I know I’ll be okay without her and that I could find someone new any day now and than though does really excite me, but the though of my ex being okay and ready for a serious relationship excites me as well, I’m not hopeful of it happening and I’m not waiting for it to happen but until someone comes along that makes me move on, her coming back will be the thing that makes me the happiest and I am perfectly okay with letting my feelings and emotions out and not pretending that I hate something I love.

#ex #honesty #but I am okay #mostly

[manicstreetdepressive]

I love this dude so much

[manicstreetdepressive]

30 Minutes Or Less

If I could spend just 30 more minutes with you I wouldn’t fight or argue or try to make you stay, I’d want to hold you close and whisper into your ear that I love you and I always will and that I want you to be happy more than anything even if it means you are on your own because regardless of what I say to you now or how you think I feel about you deep down I am really happy you are doing better and feeling better about life and I hope you see yourself as beautiful as I saw you and that you love yourself as much as I loved you because you deserve to be happy and feel like you are worth the life you have been given. I still hope it’s me and you in the end but what I want even more is for you to be truly happy with you life, just know that I will always love you even if it’s a passive love.

#as hours move to minutes and minutes take longer to break

[manicstreetdepressive]

[manicstreetdepressive]

Alone

Another late night, but I think that it’s in the lonely nights you learn the most about yourself. I have slept alone for 6 months now and have discovered what it’s like to feel completely lonely but in that you begin to realize you can only rely on yourself and even if its difficult you can begin to feel comfortable in your bed, alone at night, not thinking about anyone, or missing anyone, or wishing anyone was there with you, its peaceful just relaxing and living in that moment. That is what I have learned from being alone, that while it is nice to hold someone you love throughout the night, it’s even better to learn to love yourself and be happy to just be sleeping with yourself. I think that this really has taught me that the only way you can learn to love who you are and be happy with the person you have become is if you spend time without any intimacy or love or even feelings of love for another person, because when you are completely and absolutely alone is when you have to deal with your own internal struggles and feelings about yourself, you can’t push it off on another person or distract yourself by thinking of someone you like, love, miss, or any of that, just you and your thoughts and what you want and there is something poetic about the thought that personal reflection can only be obtained by being completely personal to yourself and that can only happen if you are truly and utterly alone

#another late night #personal reflection #alone #like squidward

[manicstreetdepressive]

why ed sheeran is a lyrical genius

ed: it's alright to die cause death is the only thing you haven't tried but just for tonight hold on

ed: when my hair's all but gone and my memory fades and the crowds don't remember my name when my hands don't play the same strings the same way i know you will still love me the same

ed: i don't get waves of missing you anymore they're more like tsunami tides in my eyes

ed: you can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen next to your heartbeat where i should be keep it deep within your soul

ed: THEY SAY IM UP AND COMIN LIKE IM FUCKIN IN AN ELEVATOR

[manicstreetdepressive]

Here comes the pizza!