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Lone Leigh
Lone Leigh
I almost forgot what it was like when you were here. I walk into an empty kitchen and almost forgot what it felt like to see you standing there in your boxers with the fridge open gazing blankly inside of it. I stare on to an empty couch not able to remember how it felt when we lay side by side on it. Binging on food, sex, and shows. Life just how we know it.
I forgot how it sounded to hear you play the saxophone as I’m coming up the stairs on my lunch break. Angry because I’d have to struggle to get your attention again. How I long to hear that sound as I walk up the stairs, instead of anticipating the lonely air filling our apartment. It’s hard to be apart when your hearts can’t feel whole without each other. My tears are undercover as I hide under covers to disguise my discovery.. Our house is so empty. Nothing here but me.. Lonely. Alone. A lone Leigh.
It doesn’t feel like home because my heart is gone and it’s been so long since I held you. Too often I walk around and try to feel your presence. It isn’t helping cause my mind is yelling a million thoughts that get lost somewhere between my tears and my heart when all along the only cure is you. I’m lost in a room full of images of you that are getting harder to remember. The visions used to be clearer.
But now they’re not. I almost forgot the way your voice sounds echoing through our halls. The way your breathing feels on my neck as we’re laying down. I tried to picture your face but it’s getting hard.
Our little house feels so empty with just me. You not here is not the same thing. My eyes fill with tears as I call out your name .. It’s strange.. but I don’t hear a thing. No one here but me. Lonely and alone.
A Lone Leigh
J. Leigh
(via missleigh011)
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I am small, I am quiet. I often stumble over words that I do not mean while trying to truly mean what I say. I love deeply and fully, but sometimes build walls while tearing other ones down. I make mistakes and scare people away. However, I love myself. I’ve chosen to accept myself. Perhaps you’ll choose the same.
LB (via spilledmyink)
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This.
Overcome
Every bad day,
is followed by a good one.
Every dark night,
is followed by the sun.
My heart was rescued
by the touch of love.
I am stronger today because..
My focus is anew.
Like the morning dew.
Fresh new breezes to pass through.
The things I don’t see.
I feel the most.
My heart beat.
The wind as it blows.
The seed as it grows..
Your eyes as they close.
The feeling of time as it slows.
The days as they roll pass us.
The struggles we face, I never fathomed.
I get sad, love.
It’s rough.
I can’t mask the pain..
It’s tough.
But I’m stronger today because…
Every bad day, is followed by a good one.
And every dark night, I can overcome.
J. Leigh
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This new journey I am embarking on has not been easy. But it has been very eye opening and I am yet still fulfilled knowing I have God on my side. My relationship with Him has only grown and I enjoy fellowshiping with Him. Through every hurt, pain, worry, doubt, or confusing moment I face and/or will face... I know God is yet still looking down on me and will answer every prayer. He has not left me nor forgotten about me yet, and I know he won't. There are times I get discouraged for sure. Experiencing so many changes all at once is scary and times I don't even understand all Im going through, but God is so faithful. His love is everlasting. Even through the darkest hour. I cannot and will not stop praying. I'll keep praying until I reach my break through. I'll keep praying during and even after my break through. I pray because in order to maintain such a close relationship with God i need to engage in deep conversation and fellowship with Him. And through my test and my transition phase... prayer has sustained me and it has fulfilled me so much. Without God i couldn't make it. So through it ALL, I'm going to keep praying!
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All chapters eventually end
And maybe this is a chapter closing
It’s bittersweet,
but it’s a good thing
(via late-nights-and-daydreams)
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New Phase
When I last posted on my blog, I was going through a long distance relationship…enduring the changes that entailed. I was growing in a different way, and learning how to okay without my love with me constantly. However, this time, I am enduring the end of an eight year relationship.. Needless to say this is a completely different path, but I am okay. A lot has transpired during this time. I have earned a Master’s degree, I have traveled the world with my love, yet despite it all we have come to the conclusion that maybe we need to experience the world apart. No, it wasn’t a bad break up. No hate, animosity, or bitterness…just the realization that maybe we can’t make each other the happiest we can be. We’ve realized that we cannot connect emotionally like we used to and we just aren’t on the same page. And that’s okay. We are both okay and will endure whatever is needed to grow. I won’t say this won’t be an easy process… I’m sure there will be good and bad days. Eight years is a long time to just turn off how you feel about someone. All of the memories, love, frustrations, etc… but whatever I experience I hope this blog can become an outlet for me to get through this situation. To explore myself and truly transition into that next phase of life. Time to grow, experiment, and learn who I am as a 25 year old woman now open to not only love, but just whatever life has to offer. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Transitions are never completely easy, but I’m excited for what this next phase has to offer. I’m anxious to figure out what I will learn… just like I learned and grew from our long distance relationship. I want to explore and find me more than anything and what better time than now. What better opportunity than this to really be free to step outside my comfort zone. It is my hope to reflect, endure, and reach the point of self acceptance and actualization. I can’t let fear hinder my growth. And with every negative situation, there will be a positive outcome.
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