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In Mourning For A Little Girl
When I am confronted by the mirror, I still see her- as lovely and as disgusting as she was when I had left her behind. A carcass memory of a face, some blank stare of what I am. Who I was. The harder I stare the more she fights to stay in that mirror. The harder I stare the more I mourn into an abyss.
I know more than I did, which is not to say I know better. Dirty, eager hands have melted my skin to a witch's shriek, leaving only a grotesque taunting, an empty flesh vessel I carry myself in. And if I could only I could grab those grabbings arms and wring them clean like some murky bath towel. To twist and drain their veins arteries fresh so that I can walk and be clean. But I have only ever been tragically paralysed, and brutally silent.
And so I stand here now, some vacant monster of a girl. A bloody handprint waxing my mouth shut. I am not a cannibal but I have eaten myself clean in barbaric swallows. And maybe some lingering smear of blood I left had traced itself back to me. Maybe my gut was manically kicked by the child I had muzzled. Maybe the first voice of my rage had begun with that little girl I sometimes still see in the mirror, whom I had so ruthlessly stomached.
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