Tony Stark is the best dad

⚠ST*RKERS DNI⚠ hi!! I'm Theo, he/him. I'm a queer ace trans boy🌈 I write fics for Iron Dad and Parkner, find me on AO3 at @OffbrandPeterParker and Wattpad at @planttgore

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Tumblr paired up with Humans of New York to raise money for Hurricane Sandy relief.

offbrandpeterparker·a day agoText






white conservative: i hate all minorities

white liberal: well sometimes people have trauma or bad experiences with certain groups and it doesn’t make them bad for not wanting to interact with those groups and ( five page essay on why it isn’t racist to hate poc )

Fuck them both.

i mean yeah thats the point

Thanks captain obvious . Keep your nose out of my self reflections 

this…. is my post….

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offbrandpeterparker·a day agoVideo




One dog has ear medicine she needs and the other one also thinks he needs it too 


Oh my gosh, mine does this EXACT SAME THING.

The cocker spaniel is prone to ear infections, so she needs a solution squirted down her ear canal and massaged in on a regular basis. She absolutely HATES it, but she endures it because she’s a good girl and she knows she gets treats after.

The border collie does NOT have ear issues, and doesn’t need the solution, but every time I’ve finished doing the cocker spaniel’s ears, he comes slinking up to me with his tail between his legs and an expression like “It is my turn for the ear torture. 😔😔 do your worst. 😔😔😔” and he will KEEP ACTING LIKE THAT until I put the closed nozzle of the ear solution into his ear and tip it upside down and massage his ear for a bit. Then I tell him he’s done and he immediately turns delighted, because “oh, wow, I survived the ear torture, and now I’m just vibrating with delight at my survival, wow, that was rough, but I made it through”

At literally no stage did we ever tell him he needed his ears done. He just saw the cocker spaniel getting it done, and was like, “oh. 😔 ear medicine for all of us 😔”

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offbrandpeterparker·a day agoPhoto







Controlled bathroom breaks are dumb, if I gotta go I gotta go! (x)

This is the thread I got mad in!

…I’m still mad!

I see people use the excuse “but what if they’re just going so they don’t have to pay attention!” a lot, and it’s a really poor excuse.

Aside from the fact that kids (and adults!) need and are entitled to regular mental breaks, keeping a bored kid in the classroom isn’t going to magically make them pay attention. What it IS going to do is create an environment of distraction for the people around them. You wanna know how I know? I was that kid. I have adhd, and when I wasn’t able to get up and walk around, I talked to everyone. Constantly. When allowed to go outside and refresh my brain when needed, I became a lot less disruptive.

And when it’s older kids? If a high schooler doesn’t want to learn something, they’re not going to, and you can’t make them. That’s their mistake to make. As a teacher, try making the material more accessible and engaging. That’s your job. Whether the student does their job is on them.

“Kids have died in bathroom fights” is definitely an argument I haven’t seen before, but it’s so patently ridiculous that I don’t think it needs to actually be addressed.

THIS SHIT MAKES ME SO ANGRY. When I was a teacher, I taught in a high school that had a lot of kids that came from poorer families. You know what I did? I always had a drawer FULL of snacks. Some sugary treats, but a lot of stuff that one might consider “food food,” not just a treat. You know what I found out? Kids would ask for a snack at the beginning of class if they wanted one, and it affected my class POSITIVELY. Kids that I knew NEEDED something to eat would be able to grab crackers and tuna or something, and other kids would just be happy to come into my class to see what I had stocked in the drawer. 

The kids learned to be respectful of the food BY THEMSELVES. Y’all should have seen it. Kids were policing each other in how much food they took, so that one student wouldn’t take all the zebra cakes or whatever, but not a single time was a kid scolded for taking a couple packs of crackers or whatever. And they all made sure that no one left trash around. 

Feeding kids is important, and if you can’t teach kids while they eat a snack, you just can’t teach.

On my first day at uni a girl ate an entire bowl of spaghetti. If we can do that and pay attention then give a kid some fucking goldfish ffs

Re: the bathroom issue - If a kid in your class has to go, they are sure as shit not paying full attention to what you’re saying. They’re trying not to have an accident in the class because the teacher wouldn’t let them address a vital bodily function.

Same goes for if kids are hungry or thirsty. Let them address those needs within the structure of the classroom - I promise you, they CAN do it in a non-disruptive manner - and try to remember that you’re teaching PEOPLE, not robot sponges.

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offbrandpeterparker·a day agoText



it absolutely kills me because they’ll be like ‘oh well they’re privileged because they can appear straight/cis and nobody will know unless they say they’re not straight/cis!’ like

you mean the closet??? like you literally just described being in the closet like

people will assume I’m straight and treat me that way as long as i never slip up

but then all of that 'privilege’ goes away once i slip up



cis 'allies’ on this website will really be like “but trans men can have male privilege because of they pass well enough ppl will assume they’re cis and treat them like cis men!” and have no fucking idea that they just explained why trans men Don’t have full access to male privilege

How many different identities are we going to have to defend from “passing privilege” bullshit before people realize that the idea of “passing privilege” itself, and not the target, is the issue?

because as it turns out, having to conceal a part of your identity to receive conditional privilege is literally a textbook example of oppression, but for some reason that ceases to be the case when it gives cis feminist 'allies’ a chance to be transphobic…

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offbrandpeterparker·a day agoText


Here’s a few things you should know:

Fanfiction is a gift

Fic writers don’t have to share their works with you. They don’t have to write them at all. They do it and they share it because they’re fans of the show/book/movie etc. just like you, and they want to contribute to everyone’s enjoyment of fandom.

Fanfiction is hard to write

You need a lot of creativity and passion to write fic. You need a ton of motivation and drive to write a complete fic, let alone a good one. Fic authors write for hours and hours and hours, often staying up late into the night just to write. They write through job struggles and personal issues, resorting to phones and tablets when their computers are on the fritz, tapping away on public buses and trains just because they can’t find any other time to write.

Fanfiction is free

Fic writers give away thousands and thousands of words of pure fandom magic, and you get to consume all of it for the wonderful price of nothing. The only reward writers receive for themselves (besides a sense of accomplishment) is the response they get from you, the reader. Some don’t even feel that accomplishment until they see kudos and comments telling them how much their work was enjoyed. 


No matter how much time you have, even just clicking the kudos button takes less than a second. And if you have time to read 5k words at one go, it’s no stretch at all to take a few more seconds to type ‘good job!’ or ‘i loved this!’ in the comment box and hit send. 

Still not convinced?


Fic authors LOVE hearing from you. Don’t worry about whether you think you’re going to phrase your response well. That’s literally the last thing we care about. Just knowing that you had a good time with something we made is EVERYTHING to us.


I have a very special challenge for you, my friend.

Write a fic.

Go forth, and write a complete, well-structured, well-characterised fic with organic, stimulating dialogue interwoven into a proper, fully fleshed-out storyline. 

Publish your work for all the Internet to see.

And then get back to me.

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offbrandpeterparker·a day agoText



Twitter: LOOK AT HIM


all his other pics here

There’s nothing wrong with appreciating how beautiful he is (because he is gorgeous) but please also listen to what he has to say. Haatepah is an activist fighting for really important causes, like environmental issues, returning land to Indigenous peoples, and raising awareness about missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls. He’s protested against the Dakota Access Pipeline and the concentration camps onthe US/Mexico border. You can read interviews with him here: and here: He’s doing a really admirable thing, using his visibility as a model to bring attention to these causes.


Photo source:

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offbrandpeterparker·a day agoText



The difference is in HOW you react to getting the wrong thing. It doesn’t take much effort to just take a breath and politely ask for what you paid for.

Going out of your way to cause a scene and acting all arrogant and entitled over any tiny thing that’s easily fixed? Thats a Karen.


Just because someone is providing you a service doesn’t mean you need to accept whatever you’re given.

This whole “Don’t be a Karen thing” has gotten annoying, to the point where I’m overhearing people being shamed because they dared to ask for what they paid for and that’s “being a Karen.”

If your food is wrong and you ask politely for your correct order that is not being a Karen.

If you don’t like the color on your nails after your nail tech does one finger and you ask politely for a different one that is not being a Karen.

If you order something online and it’s damaged and you politely ask customer service for a refund that is not being a Karen.

If you hire a contractor and he did bad work so you ask him politely to fix it that’s not being a Karen.

Like what is it with people thinking that the only way to be a good customer is to just smile and accept anything? It’s not. If you paid for something then you deserve what you paid for, nothing more and nothing less.

If you demand more, you’re an entitled Karen. If you accept anything and everything less because “it’s rude” to ask for what you paid for then you’re a doormat Susan.

Also, I’m just going to throw out there that when it come to disabled people getting medical help from bureaucratic institutions, sometimes you have to break down crying or pull the whole “how is this considered acceptable?” schtick on the phone, because it’s literally the only way to get anybody to deal with your problem. I hate it, but there are disabled people who would actually be dead right now if they hadn’t cried or yelled while talking to an hospital system, referral team, insurance company, etc., and I don’t think that should fall into “Karen” territory, because like… a disabled person does this to have quality of life. A “Karen” does it to get a free Strawberry Daiquiri at TGI Friday’s.  

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offbrandpeterparker·2 days agoText


Howard: I hope it’s a girl, less chances of becoming like me

Howard: Kid’s not even here and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them

Tony, knowing exactly what his childhood was like:

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offbrandpeterparker·2 days agoText


There’s also the fact that his main conflicts are more complicated. Yes, each movie had a specific villain, but there are also the faceless villains in Tony’s life.

Iron Man 1, it’s guilt, coming to realize the real effect he’s had on the world and deciding he does not want that to be his legacy.

Iron Man 2, it’s death and its inevitability. He is coming to terms with the fact that he is dying and trying to prepare his legacy in a way that truly represents him and what he stands for.

Iron Man 3, it’s PTSD and loss, realizing that even as he tries to make the world and himself stronger, he’s only putting a bigger target on the people he loves. He signed up for the superhero gig, but he wouldn’t and couldn’t ask Pepper and Happy to make the same sacrifices he is willing to make. He’s also coming to know that help is something he can and should ask for, that it doesn’t mean he’s weak because he needs it.


every other solo superhero movie sequel is named after some conflict (thor ragnarok, thor the dark world, cap civil war, spiderman far from home) or a new character (cap the winter soldier, antman n the wasp) and then you have iron man. just iron man 1, 2 & 3. like who gives a fuck what hes up against, the mcu knew all we wanted is just 6 hours of tony doing whatever the fuck he wanted and it was amazing

The Iron Man movies don’t have a subtitle because they aren’t just about Warmonger or Whiplash or the Mandarin. They are about the developing character of Tony Stark in the face of all the upheaval in his life. They are about a man who should have been a villain becoming a hero instead. The draw of Tony Stark is in how much he is the heart of the MCU. He is the most grounded of all the Avengers, dealing with the most real issues. The whole franchise has really been his redemption arc, watching him turn into the hero the universe needed.

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offbrandpeterparker·2 days agoText


everyone expected anthony stark to go down in history as ‘howard stark’s son’, but tony made the opposite true. he made it so that when historians would write about the stark legacy centuries later, howard stark ends up being nothing more than a footnote in the biography of tony stark. and that’s the biggest ‘fuck you’ tony could have ever given his father and i love every bit of it.

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offbrandpeterparker·2 days agoText


Yes, here are some readings if you’re interested:

Is Prison Necessary?Are Prisons Obsolete?Who do your serve, who do you protect?


W a it, abolish police? whatt??


Understand that the call to abolish police is also a call to allocate adequate funds and resources to mental health services, livable wages, food security and all other societal factors which facilitate the ‘crimes’ you believe we need police protection from.

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offbrandpeterparker·2 days agoText



it’s cute that tom holland thinks he can get people to stop associating him with spiderman at this point no matter what he does outside of mcu i will be like “damn peter parker’s got it rough in this au huh” 

me, seeing the trailer for the devil all the time: oh cool

tom holland, trying to be an edgy mcedgelord with some wack-ass accent: excuse me preacher, ya got time for a sinner??

me: *dies of laughter*

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offbrandpeterparker·2 days agoText


if you’re ever about to comment on a writer’s work and think, oh, they probably know how good they are, you’re definitely wrong. every time a writer posts or publishes anything, no matter how many years they’ve been doing it and no matter how many readers they have, they are struck with the idea that perhaps they aren’t very good at all.

if you think you’re annoying for commenting, or that we won’t see your comments anyway, you’re wrong. we see your comments. we actively look for them. we are starved for them no matter how many we get. we remember them and they fuel us. leave comments, even if it’s just saying “oh i like this”. i see an “oh i like this” and my heart grows three times its size and i am seized with an urge to provide you more writing just to hear you say “oh i like this” again.

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