olexiak

[olexiak]

feeling rejected and unloved by friends and it sucks :(

[olexiak]

omg. hugging is so cute. to feel compelled to hug a fellow human being out of some kind of feeling we can’t explain. hugging a friend you haven’t seen i. a while. a new pal. a family member. it’s a pull to physically connect with another person and it’s just so sweet

[olexiak]

today is March 3, 2024 and I weigh 190 lbs

[olexiak]

sometimes when I miss montreal it feels insatiable. like I just want to wrap my hand around her and breathe her in

[olexiak]

had an amazing night with my gorgeous gf. super chill just watching shows and hanging with the dogs, picked her parents up from the airport. I could get used to it. she’s so so so sweet to me sometimes. just feeling in love 🥰

[olexiak]

I love my beautiful, complicated, and hilarious girlfriend. she makes me feel warm and cared for

[olexiak]

another thing is that I just feel constrained by my mom/dad/Dan. I do love living here but the thing is that I feel I can’t be myself. I can’t get drunk. I can’t have sex with my gf. I can’t leave for church in the morning. none of this without telling them, in a sense. idk but the independence would be nice given that I am 24 years old

[olexiak]

lowkey I do miss being drunk and partying. i am not sorry for this. that shit was a time of my life

[olexiak]

missing montreal and the freedom I had there to be myself

[olexiak]

the desire for everyone to treat me like a queen because it’s my bday even though last night I prayed to God to humble me today. now I fear for what’s to come :D

[olexiak]

happy birthday to me happy birthday to me happy birthday dear meeeee happy birthday happy birthday to me!

[olexiak]

the way I feel rn is scared and also angry. it makes me angry that she wouldn’t let me know she’s okay and therefore I feel this way. I must let her know how important it is that I know she’s okay

[olexiak]

the way I’ve saved almost $2000 in 4 months from quitting nic. thank God I did that!!!

[olexiak]

isn’t everyone better than the worst thing they’ve done?

[olexiak]

“reducing someone’s life to a moment, an ugly moment, and punishing them for it” - Rue on what she regrets about what she said to Ali. well said.

[olexiak]

feeling really gay and good now. well, there were lots of emotions today. it’s just cool being on hinge and seeing so many out queer people here in my city! gives me like an energy boost or something! still feel a twinge of internalized homophobia when I talk about girls like that (i.e. with AUS or my bro) but I think that will continue to get better with time. I still doubt myself sometimes (fuck society for that!), but overall I’ve made such big improvements in being comfy with my sexuality. even the fact that I like saying I’m queer now. I like that label! for the time-being. oh and I sort of came out to R and J the other day??? who am I?? don’t wanna get too ahead of myself here haha. this is a lot for someone who’s been deep in the closet for like 7 years

#damn #how time flies

[olexiak]

feeling the in love/drama feelings again. quite different from how I felt a few days ago. however I would say much more secure than I felt a few months ago