ones-delight

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

#personal

[ones-delight]

ugh

fuck lmao 

if you know me in person plz take this all with a grain of salt. 

I legit DON’T know why this is so fucking hard for me to LET GO. I legit keep hyping myself up and then end up taking 10 steps behind. I genuinely don’t know why it’s so FUCKING hard for me ESPECIALLY since my ex did me SO fucking dirty and literally the more I keep hanging onto him, the more I feel like I am taking so many steps behind on my healing journey. It’s not specifically because I want him back (because I KNOW I DO NOT WANT HIM BACK, I can’t put myself through the same experience again), I have no idea why I feel like I need to have this sense of “control” in terms of wanting to know literally what he’s up to. idk if it’s mainly because I just want him to see him also hit rock bottom like he did to me and I’m fucking waiting for karma to literally kick his ass. I don’t know why I’m such a fucking stalker like this. It’s creepy and unhealthy but here the fuck I am lmaoooooooo. 

It’s literally only day 1 of 2021 and I made a vow to myself that I’d continue to actively be in the present and look towards my future. I have no fucking self control and (idk why) CANNOT stop checking in on what my ex is up to. I don’t know why I WANT to continue to keep tabs on him. I’m basically hurting myself in this whole process (AND LETTING IT HAPPEN) and I am extremely conflicted within myself ughhh. I need to re-set up therapy appointments so that’s going onto my bucket list for 2021.

Anyways, what’s stirring in the pot (in my mind) is how I’m seeing my ex FLAUNT his new relationship with his current girlfriend Kylie. Basically a quick timeline, he broke up with me December 2019 (dated 3 yrs) and less than two weeks later started dating a girl he told me not to worry about (Lila). I immediately noticed how he’s treating her way better than he has ever treated me so obviously at the time I spiraled even more since the feelings were extremely fresh. They broke up October 3rd 2020 and legit HE STARTS DATING KYLIE THAT SAME WEEK  (it seems like that same week idk truly tho because he could have been talking to Kylie the same time he was with Lila just like how he was talking to Lila while he was with me because again, my stalkerish ways found this all out #ugh. Did I mention he cheated on me multiple times throughout our relationship? ugh). He’s treating Kylie EVEN BETTER than he has ever treated LILA AND I combined LMAOOOOOO. Legit immediately introduced Kylie to friends (he has never introduced me to his friends because to him we were private when in reality he kept me as a secret), introduced Kylie to FAMILY, spending legit EVERY SINGLE DAY AND NIGHT with her, FLAUNTING the relationship on ALL forms of social media (posting on stories, posts, etc. He NEVER did that with me ever. Even got angry with me and told me to take down a post I tagged him in because he didn’t want us to post about each other on social media whatsoever. He did post about Lila but not as often as he is now with Kylie because legit he posts about Kylie almost every day) and basically overall treating her like an actual queen. They’ve legit only have been dating for TWO freaking months. Side note: I’m not angry that she’s getting this, Kylie is not the problem nor am I angry at her at all. She has nothing to do with my anger because my main issue is HIM. 

Sorry, I don’t know where I’m going with my thoughts, but basically, I am just extremely frustrated and angry that 

1.) I also deserved to be treated like a queen so why the fuck is he NOW doing all of this shit with other girls when I legit gave him the entire world (sorry to sound selfish but I legit am a HUGE giver and I gave him SO much) 

2.) Why was I the one that had to be used for character development for him? Why was I the one he lied to multiple times, gaslighted the fuck out of me, kept me as a secret, basically overall treated like ABSOLUTE shit?

3.) on top of everything else, why the fuck is he out here basically living his best fucking life and NO ONE (besides me obviously) knows about how poorly he treated me? He continuously talked shit about me on how it was MY fault we broke up and painted me as this awful person just to PROTECT HIS IMAGE. I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO CHEATED IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MULTIPLE OTHER PEOPLE. I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO CONSTANTLY LIED, HID SHIT FROM MY PARTNER, WAS NOT WILLING TO MAKE TIME FOR US,AND SO MUCH MORE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sorry for this extremely long post but basically, why is he out here living his best life when I’m still out here fucking hurting? It’s been over a year now since everything has happened and I promise I have been actively trying to make progress in my own healing process. I also KNOW I still have so much growing and healing to do (I really do need to start going back to therapy). I know I have to continue to try harder to make progress because this isn’t easy and literally I am truly hurting myself every time I check in on him on social media (again, I’m an awful and toxic human and I have fake accounts that follow him. When we were together, he even hid ALL posts/stories so I wouldn’t see them which is why I originally made these fake accounts because I KNEW he was posting but yet found it so odd that I couldn’t see it but my friends who also had him on social media could see).

ahhhhhhhhh sorry I don’t know where I’m going with my thoughts but I just needed to let them out and I’m already fucking up my goals for 2021. ugh. I know he was my first love but why the fuck is it so hard for me to let go? legit HE DOES NOT deserve my time or energy yet my ass keeps doing this ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ok update on my thoughts lmao

Basically, I feel like I’m relapsing at the moment because I’m on break and am in back in my hometown (where majority of our memories are). I’m not in my usual work grind and it’s hard because I know I deserve this break before I go back to my usual work grind. I barely survived mentally so I’m really trying to maximize my last “break” because I get into full time status. I’m so conflicted between trying to keep myself occupied while also trying not to suppress my emotions. If I bottle them up it will not be good for me so I do try to allow myself to feel all of the feels. It really sucks that it’s been now over a year and I still get in my feels about it all so I really need to get back to therapy again. I just want to let it all out since it’s my current issue but I also know with therapy it’s like a progressive thing where we should know each other first and I just have a problem with oversharing lmaooooooo. Anyways, I’m in my feels again and ugh.

#personal

[ones-delight]

A letter to him for the final time.

Lots of raw emotion so I’m just typing whatever I feel lmao. 

With the Cancer full moon in effect, I’m really trying my best to release all of my bad feelings out. Going into a new year, I want to confidently release all of the spite, hate, anger, annoyance, frustrations, basically all negative feelings I have towards my ex. Our relationship was not meant to last. I need to accept that 100000% and me continuing to be invested in his life (in a toxic stalkerish way) is not the right way to move forward with my life. I need to stop being in denial (in terms of trying to move forward) and actually start making moves that will be better for me mentally and emotionally in the long run. Especially with the new year coming around, 2021 is a new year full of changes coming up that I need to give my 100%. I will not be able to give my 100% if I continue to sulk about the past, specifically my past relationship with my ex, Eduardo Javier Castillo. My first love, first real boyfriend, who was overall not good for me and God put him in my life for a reason. To learn and teach me what I actually need and value in a relationship. In addition, I keep feeling like I’m making progress, however, I’m not making enough to where I can entirely let go. I need to come to a place where I can completely let go. I continue to feel like I’m making steps forward, but then take 10 steps back. For example, last week when I was in Iowa City, I had a moment where I realized it wasn’t worth my time to be in my fake accounts trying to figure out what he was up to or how he is treating his new girl (Kylie Cameron, girl who also works at KWCH with him). I get gratification seeing what he’s up to, however, every time he “shows her off,” on social media, all I feel is anger, frustration, and quite honestly, jealousy. I continue to play this comparison game of “why did he NEVER do this with me?” or “wow okay so he does this with her but not me?” Anyways, I’m going into a huge rabbit hole because there are just a lot of feelings and thoughts I have that I need to release. 

If you’ve made it this far, sorry for my random notes. Let’s get onto the purpose to this post...A letter I want to write to him. I think in order to help me make progress, let’s let all of the feelings I have out. Although I am tempted to send it to him, I really shouldn’t. It is a much better idea that I do not send it to him. He doesn’t deserve anymore of my time or energy. He didn’t honestly since day 1. Even if I were to send it, he will not actually read it. Also, even if I did, he may read it but do nothing about it. God, as I am typing this I’m literally contemplating sending it to him. fuck me lmao. I REALLY SHOULDN’T BECAUSE I’VE WRITTEN LETTERS TO HIM BEFORE BUT HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING. Ok you know what I’ll keep thinking and I’ll just do what I keep doing, do what feels right. also, even if I do it and it’s not a good idea, FUCK IT. I do what I want. Dear Eduardo,

  You’re probably thinking “I never want to hear from her again.” or “what the fuck does this bitch want.” or even “why can’t this bitch leave me alone?” I think these are things you’d say because you’ve actually stated these words to/about me. Anyways, I reflected on 2020 and been thinking about the people who have impacted me. Going into 2021, it’s going to be a full year of changes for me and in order for me to put my 100% into my future, I need to actively work through letting go of my past. I hope you remember that I’m not a Ph.D in letting go (lmao), so this is the one of the ways that felt right for me in order to continue moving forward without looking back and finally put past experiences to rest. I hope you take the time to listen and reflect on what I’m about to share.

  Although it’s been over a year since you’ve ended our relationship, I’m still hurt. Mainly by the choices you’ve made, especially since you were my first. You know how seriously I take relationship things and I’m caught in between being grateful and hate that you were the person who had to be my first. You’ve taught me an incredible amount about myself and relationships that I will always cherish. You also hurt me in multiple ways that I never expected someone (who claims to have loved me & cared about me so deeply) to do. I think about the ways you’ve gaslighted me in numerous situations that made me question my own worth/value, cheated on me with multiple women throughout our relationship (Jennelle Brown..Victoria Farr…Ashley Walker just to name a few), hid info and lied to me multiple times instead of being honest, kept me a secret (i.e. refused to allow me to meet any of your friends, allow me to post about us/you yourself never post about me on social media where people who’d actually know you would see), and overall, were not willing to let me be a part of your life. What was worse for me was not understanding these things until after you’ve broken my heart. (Side Note: Especially the cheating….You knew what would completely destroy me due to my past, yet, you still chose to cheat on me with multiple women..We’ve had numerous conversations about how “we” could never understand why someone would cheat on their partner and you acted like you wouldn’t when you were cheating behind closed doors the whole time..) You even allowed your insecurities gaslight yourself of my intentions such as you telling me “you’re making power moves and I’m not.” I never thought of myself as ever being better than you. You were always as someone who I saw motivation, ambition, and admiration for the work you’re trying to achieve. I’ve always viewed you as someone who always standing besides me.

  You claimed we had a great relationship; no cheating involved, ended on mutual terms, when we both know that is not the truth. I can understand why you lied to me and people in your life (to protect yourself while you actively paint me as the bad person), but why are you lying to yourself? Why do you deny the actual truth of your own choices? Anyways, I was invested in you to be my life-long partner, not to be another woman’s man. I hope you will always remember that I’ve fought for us, for you, and never gave up when we were together even during times when you made it extremely hard for me. I did this because loved you with my whole heart. I always tend to look at the good in people, but I’ve finally accepted that you were never truly a good partner or person with wholesome intentions.

  I do also want to acknowledge my own wrongdoings. I was not the perfect girlfriend. I’m the most imperfect person who has an eternity membership to the hot mess express. My biggest flaw were my emotions. I have contributed to times where it was hard for you to also stand by me. I do want to put in the space that all I wanted was your time, effort, love, honesty and support. You gave me that during the first few months of us dating, however, you stopped as we continued to progress. I continued to fall for you while you were falling out of love the moment, we stepped out of the honeymoon phase. You even admitted to me that you never wanted me from the beginning because you felt “forced” to be in a relationship with me. It still hits me like a train knowing you never truly wanted me, but continued to string me along…

  I’d be surprised if you’ve made it this far. There is still so much I want to say and ask “why?”, but we’d be here for 20 centuries. As much as I’d like to continue to analyze and understand the whys, I can’t continue to put myself in a position where I cannot fully embrace the letting go process. Overall, I want to thank you (but also say in a sarcastic way that I hate you at the same time lol) for entering my life. I know we re-added each other back on social media in April, but the more I continued to see you and Lila progress in your relationship, the more it hurt me even though I simply wanted to be your friend so I had chosen to remove you a second time in June. I removed you from Facebook and unfollowed you on Instagram. I didn’t unfollow you on twitter since you don’t use twitter. I promise I didn’t remove you out of spite, I removed you for my own well-being (again, took a lot out of me). I did try to re-add you back on Facebook in November because I thought I was ready, but I really wasn’t so I removed you again (sorry but not really lmao). I’ve also noticed you’ve blocked me on all forms of social media so I hope it’s not for the same reason of being salty with me especially since I did just try to re-add you back on Facebook just for me to immediately remove you again lmao.

  Finally, if you ever needed anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out. If it’s 2 months or 50 years later, please know that you can reach out. I don’t have it in me to deny someone asking for help (even if they’ve done me extremely dirty). I don’t have the heart to do so. I don’t expect us to remain friends because you still continue to never outreach to me on your own, so I do just want to put in the space that if you do need anything, I’ll still always do my best to help. I wish you all the best as you continue to progress in your career and your future adventures in life. I hope you and your family stay safe and well.

  Sincerely, Cass.

#personal

[ones-delight]

job site: hey apply here!

me: ok *clicks link*

new job site: Hey I see you wanted to apply for this job, why not make a new account, again, on this site, like you've done with every other job website you go to. also you know how you have your resume with all your work experience? go ahead and put that back in manually. Also here's a 135 question quiz about your personality. in fact why don't you write an essay about how much you fucking love this company before we've paid you even a penny.

[ones-delight]

12 months into 2020 and I’ve probably enjoyed like 5 days total

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Big Sean x Jhené Aiko

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here’s my response to everybody saying “coronavirus is just a flu, there’s nothing to worry about”

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From @ginpawla: “Me: I’m not clingy! Also me: .“ #catsofinstagram [source: https://ift.tt/2F8BVls ]

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[ones-delight]

This is so dramatic

[ones-delight]

In 2019 I wish you loud uncontrollable laughter and smiles that make your eyes crease. I wish you messy hugs with drunk friends and the warmth of a strangers kindness. I wish you red hot passion for the things that make you happy and ‘I love you’s from the people who matter.

[ones-delight]

old people always arguing at the customer service booth like damn this how u wanna spend yo last weeks

[ones-delight]

every morning when i go in the kitchen she yells at me nonstop so i have to put the spoon on her head

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frozen grape dipped in chilled water

[ones-delight]

[ones-delight]

some of you never played online dressup games while sitting in a huge beat up desk chair while being yelled at by your mom when you were kids and it shows. grow up