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I feel more sure of myself now than I have since I was a child, and that terrifies me.

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i cant wait to wear only underwear around the house with the person i love

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I want it to rain on our wedding day. I want to be soaking wet in my white dress and I want us to be laughing and I want to say I do and kiss you in the rain like we did when we were kids. And in that moment, I would love you more than I ever thought I could. 

It’s raining now. And I miss you.

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The days I think “I can’t do this anymore” are getting closer and the feeling of hopelessness is getting stronger. I need things to change but I don’t know how to ask.

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This is so hard. I know this arrangement makes things easier for you, but it’s slowly tearing me apart. And I can tell we’re slowly getting closer, And I can tell you’re almost there, but by the time you get where I need you to be I might be gone for good.

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Sometimes loving you makes me feel like shit.

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If I don’t go to sleep right now, I’m going tell you I can’t do this anymore. 

Goodnight.

#something about this city makes me feel lonely #something about how casual you are about this #makes me feel lonely #something about how you dont want to publicly acknowledge this #except for sometimes #except not #even after a year of telling me you love me in private #makes me feel like shit #even though you talk to me until 2 am wh #en you need to do stuff in the morning #even though you're #maybe coming to new york to maybe kind of spend the day with me #why can i never fucking be happy #to love #short musings

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Is it weird that the moment I realized the magnitude of your affection was when I accidentally got too drunk at your place and you held my hair and took care of me all night so I wouldn’t have a hangover the next day?

#love #almost boyfriend #to love

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I had forgotten that I had saved all emails, all our messages, notes and letters.  One year.  Was that all it was?  12 months from start to finish.  I found them again to night.  I watched us fall madly, deeply irrevocably in love.  I listened as I started us off with so many rules, so many boundaries, some clearly defined, some subtle.  I caged our love in from the start, so that I could be comfortable, so that I would not need to risk too much.

What a fool I was.  I watched as that love grew, warmed, was set alight, and burned white hot, and what could happen then?  Was it inevitable that when it started to burn down all the walls I had so carefully constructed that I should frantically douse it?  

And that is when we started to hurt one another, to say things we didn’t mean, but had to say to protect our hearts, to pretend.  But that is the difference between you and me.  You never said you didn’t love me. You weren’t the one lied by omission, or turned your back.  You were always honest about that love once you recognised it.  You burned with truth, and I ran.  I’m always the one running, hiding.  I’m tired of it.

That was 6 years ago.  Things are different now.  I’m different.  You’re different.  We both have spouses now, and you have a child.  But the love hasn’t faded, has it?  I don’t think it ever will.  How can it when we have known one another for millennia, or so it seems, always finding one another, always the adoration, the love, the wholeness, the deep aching need to be near, to touch, to love, just to have that right, that chance, just one more time.

Perhaps it’s time to be brave.

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I’m always looking for you. Everywhere. In everyone.

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“ If you can’t love me now, please love me later. ”

via ( Trendous )

#this is my exact thoughts right now on my situation

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How do you walk away from someone that you love?

You walk. 

You ask them to promise not to run after you. 

And no matter what, you keep going, one foot in front of the other until you are too far gone to turn back.  

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#me the entire time i was in europe

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Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.

N’tima (via qtstilinski)

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We were always going to say goodbye, weren’t we?” “Yeah. I think so.“ “I loved you though. I loved you so much.” A pause. “I know. I know. “I loved you too.”

S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #185 (via blossomfully)

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I don't know why I ever question that you love me.