orexias

[orexias]

getting realllll tired of the blatant ableism (yes, you can be ableist in a hobby) and straight-up anti-autistic sentiment I've been seeing with regards to rping and what makes a 'good' versus 'bad because flaky' roleplayer according to the rpc

#please im disabled and i need all the patience in the world #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / ooc. ◞

[orexias]

i might, after six years, finally have a diagnosis for my physical illnesses and disabilities. finally.

#◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / ooc. ◞ #elated but too exhausted to express it properly. this means hopefully after the wedding i'll be writing regularly on here again

[orexias]

—   what's better than the devil that you know?    (  𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔡𝔢𝔳𝔦𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔡𝔬𝔫'𝔱.  )

#my mutuals who write raphael may reblog! #◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / vis. ◞ #raphael tag.

[orexias]

changing my rules on my blogs to be low activity. this newest set of undiagnosed flareups do not appear to be stopping, and i can't find it in myself to come here and put in the effort of formatting posts / keeping my blogs clean like i want them to be.

to anyone who i write with regularly who would like to put together discord servers for writing / ships / rps, you can add me as a friend @ lorekeepings and message me to let me know :)

#a reminder for my new followers

[orexias]

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / aes. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / mus. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

changing my rules on my blogs to be low activity. this newest set of undiagnosed flareups do not appear to be stopping, and i can't find it in myself to come here and put in the effort of formatting posts / keeping my blogs clean like i want them to be.

to anyone who i write with regularly who would like to put together discord servers for writing / ships / rps, you can add me as a friend @ lorekeepings and message me to let me know :)

#i'll be back to rights in time but. until i know what's happening i need to take care of myself #this shit is for the birds #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / ooc. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / psa. ◞

[orexias]

ptolemaea, ethel cain. 

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / aes. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

𝙿𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁'𝚂 𝙳𝙰𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁 ( 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟸 ) , 𝙴𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙻 𝙲𝙰𝙸𝙽 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴.

The following prompts are taken from Ethel Cain's 2022 album Preacher's Daughter. All tracks are included except for "August Underground" and "Televangelism" which are instrumental. Feel free to change pronouns and wording as you see fit. Trigger warning: profanity, sexual themes, religious themes, violence, abuse, etc.

FAMILY TREE - INTRO

forgive these bones i'm hiding from no one successfully.

jesus can always reject his father, but he cannot escape his mother's blood.

the fates already fucked me sideways.

you know i raised you better than this.

AMERICAN TEENAGER

maybe it was his fault.

and i feel it there, in the middle of the night, when i'm all alone again.

say what you want, but say it like you mean it.

say it like you mean it, with your fists for once.

just give it one more day, then you're done.

i don't need anything from anyone.

it's just not my year.

i'm sorry if i sound off, but i was probably wasted.

jesus, if you're listening, let me handle my liquor.

why do i feel alone in this room with you?

i do it for my daddy.

i do what i want and damn, i'm doing it well.

A HOUSE IN NEBRASKA

sing it to me all day long.

you and me against the world.

you were my whole world.

you told me even if we died tonight, that i'd die yours.

your mama calls me sometimes to see if i'm doing well.

i'd kill myself to hold you one more time.

it hurts to miss you.

i'm the reason you won't come home.

you were the only one i was never scared to tell i hurt.

i thought you were so beautiful.

it was love, i guess.

i hope you're doing fine out there.

i pray that you're all right.

i feel so alone.

i feel so alone out here.

i feel so alone out here without you, baby.

WESTERN NIGHTS

i watched him show his love through shades of black and blue.

show me how much i mean to you while i'm lying in these sheets undressed.

i'd hold the gun if you asked me to.

trouble's always gonna find you, baby.

hold me across every state line.

i'm never gonna leave you, baby.

i haven't spoken to my daddy in a long, long time.

please don't love how i need you.

FAMILY TREE

i'm not above violence.

my mama raised me better than that.

daddy said shoot first then run and don't look back.

i've killed before and i'll kill again.

they say heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned.

hell don't scare me, i've been times before.

let christ forgive these sins i'm hiding.

HARD TIMES

i'll make pretend.

happiness ends and dies with you.

i thought good guys get to be happy.

i am poison in the water and unhappy.

i was too young to notice that some types of love could be bad.

i'm tired of you.

i just wanna sleep.

please, can i sleep?

THOROUGHFARE

baby, don't run. i'll take you anywhere.

hey, do you wanna see the west with me?

love's never meant much to me.

now that i met you, i finally know just where i'm headin'.

we found heaven in time where you western sunshine met my deep southern wet.

in your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck is the only place i think i;d ever wanna be.

GIBSON GIRL

you wanna love me right now. you wanna get alone with me.

you wanna take my clothes off.

if it feels good, then it can't be bad.

you wanna fuck me right now. you wanna see me on my knees.

you wanna rip these clothes off and hurt me.

if you hate me, please don't tell me.

PTOLEMAEA

i invited you in.

you love blood too much.

i'm on fire, i'm on fire, i'm on fire.

you poor thing.

there's nothing you can do.

there's nothing you can do, it's already been done.

what fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me.

please don't look at me.

stop, stop, stop. make it stop.

i've had enough.

SUN BLEACHED FLIES

god loves you, but not enough to save you.

good luck taking care of yourself.

if they strike once, you just hit 'em twice as hard.

the more it hurts, the less it shows.

i think it's about time i put up a fight.

i always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me.

if it's meant to be, then it will be.

i can't let go when something's broken.

STRANGERS

don't talk to strangers, or you might fall in love.

i never considered myself tough.

you're so handsome walking over to me now.

i tried to be good. am i no good?

am i no good?

i just wanted to be yours.

can i be yours?

am i making you feel sick?

am i making you feel?

i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did.

don't think about it too hard.

just know that i love you.

#UGH i loooove Ethel Cain #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / ask. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

*me lying to men* oh wow that’s so interesting

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / mus. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

[WHILE COVERED IN MY OWN BLOOD, PUNCTURE WOUNDS IN MY NECK VISIBLE, VERY CLEARLY LIGHTHEADED] i love you. i want you to eat well.

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / mus. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

if she's your girl why is she breaking open my ribcage and devouring me like an animal?

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / mus. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

i went 24 hours without a flare up so. i’m back to being low activity until i can get myself together

#i feel like a shit friend and partner because of how much pain I’m in all the time #negative // #tomorrow will be better. it wil.

[orexias]

words by me

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / mus. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

you can’t fix me but you could fuck me. so

#usft // #nsft // #◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / mus. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞

[orexias]

QUEEN OF THE DAMNED dir. Michael Rymer, 2002

#◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / aes. ◞ #◜ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 — ( our lady of hunger. ) / q. ◞ #nsft // #usft //

[orexias]

JACOB ANDERSON as Louis de Pointe du Lac Interview with the Vampire S01E07

#gore // #◜ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐄 — ( to act selflessly is anathema. ) / aes. ◞ #q.