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pagesfromthevoid · 12 days

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this is me trying | g.d. | 6

Companions x fem!reader

Revenge –the final stage of grief is also the most infrequently experienced stage, in which an individual may feel the need to get back at the person who hurt them. In some cases, the best way to get back at them is to be happy without them, however.

Word Count: 854

Warnings: None

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

In the following months after the reunion of her companions, Tav is doing better.

She still wonders about what her life would have been like if she and Gale were still together, but she does not dwell on the thought for very long. And she still thinks about what would have happened if he had been successful, but it does not hurt when she thinks about him.

That’s what she cares about.

It does not hurt to think about Gale anymore.

As difficult as it is to get everyone together in one place, they try to meet once a month at the Elfsong for a drink and dinner, to keep track of one another. Sometimes, the tiefling siblings join them (Tav has been trying to make up for being an absolute dick to Rolan that day, though he insists that he probably deserved it). Sometimes it’s just Wyll, Astarion and her.

Tonight, however, Karlach has finally found that good transfiguration shit that she’s been searching for (thanks to Rolan, and his incredibly well organized tower now) so she will be joining as well as Shadowheart and Lae’Zel, who has been given a reprieve briefly from her mission to free her people (I was stabbed well enough that Orpheus demanded I take a leave of absence. It does not hurt, but the Githyanki winces when she moves wrong).

Karlach is the last to show up, looking quite a bit like herself, but she looks entirely too nervous for Tav’s liking.

“Don’t get mad,” the tiefling immediately says, putting her hands up. “I saw him at the Blushing Mermaid and I couldn’t just leave him!”

Tav peers around Karlach and lets out a surprised gasp. Astarion groans and throws his hands in the air, complaining about ruining the night as Lae’Zel sneers and makes a backhanded comment that Tav doesn’t hear clearly but she knows it’s rude. But Tav kicks them both under the table, shaking her head, before she stands up.

Gale stands with his arms over his chest, entirely uncomfortable with the situation at hand. His cheeks are flushed, and Tav wonders if it’s because he’s drunk or because he’s embarrassed.

But she smiles at him softly and grabs a chair from an empty table and pulls it up beside Lia and Cal, who greet him politely. Gale looks at her with surprise of his own, but nods in thanks as he sits down. She sits back down, Karlach plopping down beside her with a bright smile that makes Tav forget, briefly, that she’s illithid. Not that it matters, of course, but it’s nice to see Karlach as herself. Rolan is on her other side, asking Karlach how the potion he created feels now that it’s been consumed, and Tav is lost in the conversation about ingredients and alchemy, but she’s content listening to her friends all talk and joke around.

Shadowheart and Lae’Zel are in the middle of what should be a private conversation, but Astarion is listening closely with a smirk on his face. And Wyll is chatting with Gale across the table, doing what Wyll does best and trying to make him feel welcome even though the initial introduction was tense. Cal and Lia are trying to get Rolan to mess up because Lia is calling him braggy, but Cal is trying to get her to stop because Rolan is proud of helping their friend.

And Tav is just happy to be surrounded by her friends, listening to everyone talk. Even with Gale there, who is just nodding along without actually contributing to the conversation, Tav feels like for the first time in a long time, she is whole again.

“Any big plans for the Winter Solstice?” Shadowheart asks and Tav notices as Lae’Zel moves a bit closer to the cleric.

There’s ramblings of everyone’s plans, and Tav briefly wonders if she should mention what she’s doing. She worries it will hurt Gale’s feelings –but she decides that it doesn’t matter how he feels about what she does anymore.

“I have a date,” she finally admits, feeling the blush creeping up her skin.

“Finally!” Lia announces with excitement, clapping her hands together. “Was wondering when you’d find yourself back on the market, Tav.”

“With who?” Shadowheart asks, and there’s a spark in her eye that suggests she already knows.

Tav glances at Gale, who has shrunk back some in his seat. Pouting, sulking, whatever word best describes what one does when the one they love has moved on. Tav doesn’t seem to care how he feels though, because thinking about her date makes the butterflies in the stomach scatter and flutter and she gets excited just thinking about it.

But she’s taking it slow.

“I don’t want to jinx anything,” she explains, taking a sip of her wine. “I’ll tell you after.”

#gale of waterdeep #shadowheart #wyll ravengard #bg3 rolan #astarion #karlach

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pagesfromthevoid · 12 days

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this is me trying | g.d. | 5

Ex!Gale Dekarios x fem!tav

Acceptance –individuals come to terms with the reality of the loss and begin to adjust to life without the presence of what or who has been lost. It's important to note that acceptance does not necessarily mean feeling okay or happy about the loss; rather, it's about finding a way to live with it.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Confrontations but otherwise none

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

Tav takes a painfully deep breath as she steps out of the dimension door Withers produced. Wyll stands beside her with her arm in his, and Shadowheart is close behind with Astarion. The four of them are not the first people to arrive –Halsin and Jaheira are chatting already, and Halsin has brought Scratch and Bite, to which Tav feels overwhelmingly excited to see. Scratch notices them first, then Bite, and the two run over and practically throw themselves at the four latest arrivals. Bite is too big, and knocks her down, but Tav laughs properly for the first time in months as she accepts the love from her animal companions.

“Oh, I’ve missed you too,” she promises, pressing kisses to both of their heads as Wyll helps her up.

The animals turn their attention to Shadowheart, who is just as excited to see them. Wyll tugs Tav forward as Astarion wanders off to find a bottle of wine, saying something to the lines of If I have to be social…Tav feels similarly, but there’s no sight of Gale and Tav wonders perhaps if she’ll get lucky and he won’t show up. Gods don’t come to mortal parties, right? If he succeeded, he has better things to do than come to a party.

“Tav, my friend –it is great to see you,” Halsin announces excitedly as he lumbers over and pulls her into his arms. He lifts her in the arm and she squeals in surprise, but laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck. “I have missed you greatly. I hope all is well and the Oak Father has blessed you.”

When he sets her down, she nods some in reassurance and smiles, though she does not answer how she’s been. “Can’t be as good as you –I heard that you’ve made great progress in the Shadow Lands.”

Halsin lights up and begins telling her about Thaniel’s healing, how the lands have been returned to what they once were. He’s so excited to talk about it that he seems to have forgotten that she never answered him, and Tav is totally fine with that. Astarion appears at her side with a glass of wine in both hands, holding one out to her. She takes it with a thankful smile, though it’s downed and empty before Halsin is done with his story. But the druid finishes up, claps Astarion on the shoulder (causing the vampire to spill his wine and Astarion is not happy), and hugs her one more time, asking her to visit.

She promises she will.

She means it too.

“Pardon me.”

She freezes beside Halsin and Astarion, who both go rigid as they also hear the familiar voice. Her hand grips her goblet a bit tighter, and Halsin puts his hand on her shoulder in a silent question. Are you okay? She nods once, taking a deep breath. Astarion hands her his glass of wine as he slips in front of her, blocking her from view. Halsin takes that as a sign to do the same.

It’s Lae’Zel’s voice she hears first –a bit disembodied because she couldn’t actually be there, but her voice nonetheless.

“I see you have failed then, wizard,” the Githyanki states, tone clipped. “You lost so much for nothing, it seems.”

Gale stammers a bit, and Tav peaks out from behind Halsin, watching as Wyll and Jaheira step forward as well to greet him.

“I wasn’t expecting you to make it,” Wyll says as he claps his hand on Gale’s shoulder. Tav notices that Wyll’s smile is the one he gives the public when he’s not actually interested.

Gale is still stammering, and his face is turning red and for a moment, Tav feels bad. Clearly, whatever he was after did not work out for him. Everything he put her through –everything he doesn’t even know he put her through, and he didn’t even get anything out of it. He’s still Gale of Waterdeep –living as a mortal in a life that will never be enough for him.

“Karma is a bitch,” Astarion mumbles into his empty goblet, sneering at Gale as he looks at the vampire and druid.

Gale catches her eye and she can see the briefest moment of excitement flash across his face. Then it disappears as he realizes she’s hiding from him. And now Tav realizes she’s hiding from him and that realization is ridiculous because it’s just Gale and he’s already hurt her, and she’s already processed it, and handled it. He cannot hurt her again.

She will not let him hurt her again.

So she steps out from behind Halsin, who glances down at her for a moment. Astarion peers over at her, brow furrowed, then she catches as he turns to Wyll and Shadowheart, who are watching intently as Tav steps forward. The eyes of their companions are all on them and Tav knows they want to make sure she’s okay, but this is not a conversation for the party to hear.

“Hello, Gale,” she greets with a soft, sad smile.

“Hello, Tav,” he replies, just as soft, just as sad.

“I think…everyone is expecting the worst,” she whispers. “I think I am too.”

“I am so sorry,” he finally says, reaching for her hands.

Tav puts her hands behind her back. She sees Wyll about to intervene, to prevent Gale from touching her, but she shakes her head at him. Then she nods away from the rest of the camp, walking away from the judging eyes. And they’re not judging her –she knows that very well. They’re judging Gale, and they’re scrutinizing every movement he makes to ensure he does not hurt her again.

When the two of them are away from the party and nosy friends (though she is certain they’re trying to listen), Tav takes another sip of her drink. Gale is rocking on his heels, uncomfortable with everything suddenly being against him. All their companions chose to support her, and there’s no reason why he should think they care about him after how he left Tav that day on the docks.

“What happened?” She finally asks, looking up at him. She is genuinely curious; she did almost give up her soul to reach Elysium to find him. Starved herself and thought herself worthless because of him. Grieved the loss of what could have been because of him.

She deserves to know why he is not a god.

Gale hesitates a moment, and she suddenly has another question burning on her tongue but she doesn’t know if she wants the answer. But the longer he takes to think of his response, the harder it is for her to bite back her morbid curiosity. So they speak at the same time.

“Four months ago –,”

“When did it happen?”

Tav stares at him blankly for a long moment, blinking a handful of times as she realizes he failed his quest two months into it –leaving her alone for four months. And her curiosity is replaced by hurt; he could have come home four months ago and he chose not to. He could have saved her from all of the hurt, and he chose not to.

“You…you failed two months into it,” she repeats, as if asking for clarification. But she doesn’t need anything clarified. She doesn’t even care what happened to him now, honestly.

Gale nods. “Tav, understand, I –,”

“I don’t need to understand anything, Gale,” she interrupts, shaking her head at him. “I…Gods, if you had come home within those two months, I think I would have accepted you with open arms and happy tears.”

“You still can,” he counters, reaching out to take her hands again. “Perhaps it’s different, and I know I hurt you, but we can start over –we can do this right –,”

But Tav shakes her head still, stepping back. “You’re right, you did hurt me. We can’t start over –we can’t just…I can’t just forget that you left me on that dock six months ago without so much as a good-bye. I grieved the loss of the life you promised me, Gale. I suffered for six painstaking months –for fuck’s sake, I tried to give Raphael my soul just to find a way into Elysium two months ago –only to find out that you had failed barely two months into the ordeal? I would have died had Raphael actually wanted my fucking soul –,”

“Why would you make a deal with him?” Gale asks, genuinely appalled by her admission. “Tav, I told you I would return –,”

“You would return a god, Gale, if you returned at all!” She reminds him, “What did you expect of me? To become a god as well? To be whatever you were for Mystra? I don’t hate myself enough to repeat history like that.”

He looks hurt by the admission, but Tav doesn’t care if he’s hurt because she’s done nothing but hurt for six months. He gets to be hurt now too.

“Raphael didn’t want my soul, and we are damned lucky he didn’t,” she continues, crossing her arms over her chest. “But I cannot look at you and tell you I love you the way I did when you left. You told me this world is not enough for you; that this life is not enough of you. Do you know what you said without actually saying it, Gale?”

He hesitates again but shakes his head. She isn’t sure he actually knows, or if he’s scared to answer her.

“You said I wasn’t enough for you.”

Gale opens his mouth to argue but she refuses to let him speak. He doesn’t get to explain his side, because she doesn’t actually want to hear his side. He gets to listen to her, he gets to feel the agony she felt. She has had six months to suffer, and grieve, and come to terms with her life as it was without him. The least he can do is listen to her.

“And I…I am enough. I am enough for me, I am enough for our friends, and I will be enough for the person who loves me next. But that person…that person is not you, Gale Dekarios.”

He doesn’t argue. He doesn’t reach for her. Gale simply nods in understanding, his eyes watery with tears as he takes a deep breath. Tav has nothing else to say to him, but Gale wants to say his peace and she supposes it’s only fair now to let him.

“I…I understand, Tav. I have done more harm than good for you, and I am…I am genuinely so sorry. My ambition, my desire for more…it got the best of me and that is not an excuse, and it will never be an excuse for what I put you through.

“I love you, and I will not stop loving you. But I understand that what I have done cannot be easily forgiven, if at all. I should have come home when I failed –I should have admitted my folly once more and begged for your forgiveness the moment it happened. But I was ashamed and embarrassed. And that’s no excuse for what I put you through, but I need you to know that I…I thought of you every day.

“I took advantage of the love you showed me and thought you would be waiting when the reality is that I hurt you, and you deserve more in life than someone like me.”

Gale takes one more look at Tav, who’s holding back tears. Then he smiles sadly and turns on his heel, stepping away from the party and away from her again, disappearing through the portal that Withers had opened for anyone wishing to leave.

Tav stands there shaking, fists balled at her sides, trying not to cry. Wyll, Shadowheart and Astarion are at her side without hesitation, making sure she’s okay. But Tav waves them off, trying not to sob like a fool at what is supposed to be a happy occasion. Wyll pulls her into a hug, and she doesn’t fight, instead wrapping her arms around him to cry into his chest. I’m so proud of you, he’s saying. Shadowheart’s I knew you would be okay and Asterion's You should have hit him are causing her to laugh through her tears.

She is not crying because Gale hurt her once again, but instead because she can’t believe she actually stood up to him instead of taking him back. Wyll and Shadowheart had mentioned their concern over her just…taking him back if he should appear tonight. Astarion had been the one that knew better than to think she would stoop so low. They had no idea she could hear them, and she hadn’t been sure their concerns were unfounded.

She isn’t crying because Gale hurt her.

She’s crying because she has finally accepted that her life will go on without him.

#baldur's gate 3 #lae'zel #shadowheart #halsin #gale of waterdeep x reader #gale x tav #astarion

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pagesfromthevoid · 12 days

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this is me trying | g.d. | 4

Ex!Gale Dekarios x fem!tav

Depression –This stage is characterized by a sense of mourning for what has been lost and can involve withdrawing from others, feeling hopeless about the future, and experiencing physical symptoms.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Suicidal ideations. Physical symptoms of depression

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

No one comes to visit her for a while, it feels like.

Maybe it’s only been a few days. Perhaps it’s been a few weeks. She isn’t really sure, because ever since her return from the House of Hope, she hasn’t left her room at the Elfsong. Alan sends food up as he sees fit, but she doesn’t speak to him or even open the door. He’s resorted to using the dumbwaiter so he knows she’s taking it.

She’s pretty sure Wyll is behind her being fed every day, but she doesn’t have the energy to find out.

Tonight, she does not take the food off the dumbwaiter. She can’t bring herself to get out of her bed, and the thought of eating makes her stomach turn. Her body aches and her head feels like the time Karlach accidentally hit her with the Foebreaker during a fight and Tav doesn’t know if it’s because she hasn’t eaten or because she’s actually sick.

By the third day, she’s certain that she’s actually sick but also probably malnourished. But that doesn’t seem to make her care enough to eat. Tav is certain that if she gets out of bed, she’s going to collapse so she decides it’s still not worth it. The food has been delivered for breakfast, lunch and dinner for three days and for three days, she ignores it. She has a few things that have been sustaining her –stale bread that’s been in her bag for gods knows how long and water that she’s not absolutely certain where it came from. But she is eating –sort of, anyway. But she decides that food isn’t going to cure whatever her ailment is and that she would rather just lay in bed and waste away.

Good riddance, she thinks.

After her spectacle at Sorcerous Sundries, it only makes sense that people stopped caring about the Hero of Baldur’s Gate. She asked them to stop caring; she told them to fuck off and leave her alone.

And leave her alone they did.

Astarion has stopped his late night visits, though the missive she received from him the morning after her deal-gone-wrong stated that the moment she was ready, he would be back.

She isn’t sure when that will be.

She isn’t sure if she will ever be, really.

Of all the people to not hate her after telling everyone else to fuck off, it would be Astarion. He’s done the same thing to them too, and rationally she knows her friends will treat her the same as they treated him when he lashed out at them in the past: with care, and patience, and love. But she’s not sure if that’s really the case for her.

Shadowheart hasn’t reached out once, and neither has Wyll. Shadowheart is a busy person, so Tav doesn’t expect her to show up but Tav still wonders if Wyll told her what happened and now the cleric wants nothing to do with her. She wouldn’t blame Shadowheart if that was the case.

Tav doesn’t blame Wyll in the slightest for not seeing her; she was cruel, and foul, and everything else one can be when they’re telling their friend to fuck off. Wyll should hate her, and while the rational side of her knows he probably doesn’t, the irrational side of her says he’s better off without her.

Everyone is better off without her.

The irrational side, as it seems to a lot lately, wins.

By the end of the week, Tav doesn’t feel great and all she has left is half a bottle of wine and bread that’s molding. Her clothes still smell like sulfur and cherries from when she returned from the House of Hope, but she hasn’t had the desire to change. The curtains in her room haven’t been opened in that time either, and the slightest stream of light hurts her eyes so she hides under her blanket to avoid it. She wonders, briefly, if this is how Astarion feels when he’s trapped inside as he awaits nightfall. Does the sun hurt his eyes?

The lock on her door is still broken, but whoever knocks does not open it.

“Tav, love,” Shadowheart greets, her voice muffled through the door. “Could I come in?”

Tav doesn’t respond immediately, still hiding under her blankets as she considers the state of her living space. It’s a mess, still overrun with the random items that she was organizing the day Wyll forced her out of the house. The piles are a bit less organized, some bleeding into the others and she’s going to have to reorganize them eventually. But the thought alone makes her stomach hurt and she groans.

Shadowheart takes that as a yes and opens the door.

“Sweet hells,” the cleric complains. Tav assumes she’s probably covering her face with her hand because, rationally, she knows the room smells awful. “Not even going to come out from your hiding space?”

Tav shakes her head under the blanket. There’s a moment of silence before she feels the bed dip and feels Shadowheart’s hand on her back from over the blanket.

“We’re all getting worried about you,” Shadowheart murmurs, rubbing soft circles on her back. “Wyll told me what happened –and Astarion saw you going to the Devil’s Fee the other night. What happened?”

Tav doesn’t reply still, thinking about how to explain that she tried to make a deal with Raphael and he turned her away. How does one explain that they’re so broken that the devil doesn’t want their soul?

“I have a scroll of detect thoughts,” Shadowheart warns. “I will use it if you don’t talk to me.”

“Fuck you,” she mumbles into her pillow, but decides that she has more control over what she says than what she thinks. And there’s no way that Tav wants Shadowheart to see inside her head.

“Moonmaiden’s blessing, she speaks,” Shadowheart teases as Tav peaks up from under her blanket. Just barely, but enough to show the cleric her puffy eyes and the bags that have formed. How gaunt her skin looks in comparison to the last time anyone has seen her. Shadowheart’s heart breaks in her eyes and Tav feels bad for burdening her friend.

“Tell me what happened,” Shadowheart asks again, pulling the blanket back further.

And so Tav flips over some, looking up at the cleric properly, and tells her what happened. She starts at the beginning –about the promises Gale made her and the promises he broke, how Wyll tried to help her and how she had an absolute meltdown at Sorcerous Sundries, her failed deal with Raphael and how the devil didn’t even want her soul because she was so fucked up.

Tav doesn’t know how to stop the words from practically throwing themselves up from her throat but she’s talking, and she’s crying, and there’s no way anything she’s saying makes sense but Shadowheart nods and listens closely, hanging onto her every word. And when she’s finally just a blubbering mess, her sobs more frequent than her words, Shadowheart takes her hands gently and forces her to listen.

“You’re going to hate this –but I am very thankful that Raphael didn’t want your soul,” she says softly, reaching up with one hand to push Tav’s hair behind her ear. “No man is worth losing your soul over –especially a man who has no idea what he had when he had it.”

“I miss him,” Tav whispers, closing her eyes as the tears fall and stain her pillow.

“I know,” she replies, squeezing her hand softly. “And you’re allowed to miss him, Tav. But I think…I think it’s time to accept that he isn’t coming back.”

The thought has occurred to Tav –that he wouldn’t come back. She knows, deep down, Gale isn’t going to come back and even if he does –what will he expect of her? To become a god herself? To become his chosen, like he had been for Mystra? Tav knows deep down that she will never want either of those things; she has no desire to be a god. And she has no desire to be whatever Gale was for Mystra because she knows what Mystra did to him.

So Tav nods slowly, though she refuses to open her eyes. Shadowheart pushes her hair from her face one more time.

“I think you’ll feel better if you take a bath,” the cleric suggests, coaxing Tav to sit up. “And a little food in your belly will help too.”

Tav gives a weak nod, wiping her eyes as she sits up for the first time in a week. Her joints pop and her spine cracks, and she watches Shadowheart cringe at the sounds.

“Do you…do you still have the sending stone?” Tav asks, looking up at Shadowheart with wet, puffy eyes. Shadowheart nods. “Can you…can we invite Astarion and Wyll?”

“Of course we can.”

#shadowheart x tav #shadowheart bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #wyll ravengard #astarion

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pagesfromthevoid · 12 days

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this is me trying | g.d. | 3

Ex!Gale Dekarios x fem!tav

Bargaining --individuals may attempt to negotiate or bargain in an effort to avoid the pain of the loss. They often turn to a higher power. It can provide a sense of temporary relief, but ultimately, it cannot alter the reality of the loss.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Raphael needs a warning in and of himself. Bargaining of souls; suicidal ideations

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

“I’ve done it before –snuck into his home,” she reminds Helsik, leaning on the counter. Her movements are erratic, her eyes darting around the room as she whispers. “You know I can do it. I got you those gauntlets –I’m not gonna steal anything, not this time but –what do you want? I’ve got plenty of gold now.”

Even though the diabolist does not give a number, Tav still dumps a pouch of gold onto the counter, then another –then another.

“I need to get into the House of Hope. I need –I have to.”

Helsik stares at the pile of gold in front of her, brows raised in both greed and confusion. The last time Tav had been here, she had been far less desperate and far more convincing –more confident too. But as the diabolist looks over the Hero of Baldur’s Gate, she must come to the same conclusion most people had when they saw Tav:

She is broken.

There is a bit of hesitation, but not a lot, as Helsik slides the pile of gold into the drawer of her counter. Then she slides the necessary ritual items over.

“Try not to die, hero,” is all she says as Tav snatches the satchel of items and runs up the once familiar steps of the Devil’s Fee.

*****

The portal into Raphael’s home spits her out directly in front of his archive, where the doors are open and a handful of debtors look on vacantly. Most are tending to the house, some are sneering at her as she presses forward into the House of Hope. Raphael will be less than thrilled that she, once again, has broken into his home –but she has a hell of a deal for him this time around and she is desperate.

She hesitates a moment outside the door of the boudoir –once again, a familiar feeling creeping up her spine as she recalls the last time she was here; recalls when he had scolded her for doing something so reckless like sleeping with an incubus.

Tav had thought he would leave her for that.

He hadn’t.

Sometimes she wishes he had. Would it have made his departure easier?

“Come back to play, little mouse?”

The barrier blocking the door shifts then disappears, leaving it up to her to step inside. Haarlep is lounging in the restoration pool, naked and in Raphael’s form like the last time she’d seen him.

“Where’s your master?” She asks, tone clipped as she steps up to the edge of the pool.

Haarlep wades over to her, peering up at her from his new perch at her feet, cheek resting on his arms. “Oh, somewhere I’m sure –we could play with him and see if he’ll come running, if you’d like. I know I have been dying to see you again.”

A knot forms in her stomach, and Tav knows that this isn’t anything more than a reaction to the incubus and his effects on people. She has felt phantom hands and touches several times since they last met, and while his effect on her now is tempting, the reminder of him using her body to pleasure others immediately makes her blood run cold.

“Or I could kill you, and find him myself.”

“You remember what happened last time you broke things of mine, little mouse.”

She whips around, eyes narrowed at the cambion that stands in the doorway. Raphael looks, as expected, displeased that she is there without permission again. When he steps forward –no doubt trying to look intimidating and angry –she stands in place, staring him down.

“I’m here to bargain with you, Raphael,” she states, stepping forward to meet him now. Toe to toe, he is significantly taller than her. Stronger than her. More wicked than her. But she has something on her side that he doesn’t:

She is crazier than him.

She is more desperate than him.

She is more than willing to risk everything to get her life back.

“And what could a little mouse offer the cat that he does not already possess?” Raphael coos, leaning down close to her. Their noses almost touch.

“The crown.”

Raphael draws back, brow furrowed in both disgust and disbelief. “You had your chance, mouse. I recommend –,”

“I can get it back,” she cuts in, reaching up to grab the front of his tunic. Raphael’s expression shifts to confusion as she touches him. His claws pry her fingers from him —and for a moment, as his eyes catch a glimpse at her nails, Raphael sees the truth behind the mouse’s bargain: bitten down to the quick, bruised, maimed from herself. Empty. Desperate.

Instead of dropping her hands, he simply looks over the offending appendages as she continues to ramble. She doesn’t notice that Raphael does not care what she has to say. “Gale –he…I know he took it. I know he went back on our deal, and he broke the contract and you didn’t get to collect your end. I never intended for that to happen —truly.

“I can get it back,” she repeats, voice rushing out now. Her words are frantic, watery from holding back tears. She doesn’t even realize Raphael is touching her —if she had, wouldn’t she have pulled away by now? “I just —I need you to get me to a portal to Elysium. You don’t even have to help me enter. You just —I can’t —there’s no documentation on how to get there, or enter, or travel.

“But if you bring me there, I can get the crown back from Gale. I can bring him home, and fulfill my contract and if I fail, then —well that’s that, isn’t it?”

“That is…that,” Raphael finally manages to say, dropping her hands away from him. “Unfortunately, little mouse, I have no interest in your soul any longer.”

“What?” Tav blanches, tear stricken eyes wide as panic begins to set in. “No, no, no —but Raphael, I’m the hero of Baldur’s Gate. My soul is invaluable. I am promising it to you —I am giving it up if I fail —why —I don’t —,”

“What use is the soul of the great hero when the soul is barely existent anymore?”

Tav’s hand reaches up and clutches her chest —over her heart where one would assume the soul rests —and looks blankly down at it. “My soul…it’s fine. My soul is fine. I am fine —,”

“I have no use for your soul or the crown, mouse,” Raphael repeats, adjusting his tunic back into place. “I have no desire to accept your deal.”

“But —I thought —you wanted it before —,”

“When it was whole,” he snaps at her, eyes narrowed and dangerous. “In the quiet corner, the cat watches his prey. But the mouse falls ill and cannot run away. No longer a challenge, the cat loses his thrill. A sickly little mouse holds no interest still.”

“Raphael, please —,”

But the cambion snaps his fingers and flames engulf Tav —sending her back to the room in the Elfsong that she still lives in. She sways on her feet a moment before dropping to her knees, eyes blank and unseeing.

So much for bargaining.

#raphael bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #raphael x tav #house of hope #raphael the cambion

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pagesfromthevoid · 12 days

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this is me trying | g.d. | 2

Ex!Gale Dekarios x fem!Tav

Anger --As the denial begins to fade, individuals may start to feel anger. This anger can be directed towards various targets, such as the person who is gone, others involved in the situation, or even towards oneself.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Anger, cursing, actual rage. This is not a happy ending :(

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

“Stupid, overly needy bastard,” she mumbles under her breath for the third or fourth time that morning.

Tav is going through her stock of things from when the mess all started. She is cursed to touch every little thing and with that came sticky fingers and lots of things she didn’t actually need. At this moment, it was the annoyingly familiar purple tunic that she had stolen from Gale within the first month of their relationship.

“You look like an old man,” she had teased, motioning to his at-ease clothing.

Gale had then looked himself over, spinning once for dramatic effect. “I think I look quite comfortable actually. Excuse me for not wearing leather to sleep in.”

“At least wear this instead,” she had insisted, tossing him a more relaxed white shirt. The neck cut down into a V and she was certain if he wore it right, he would look just as handsome, if not more.

“I think you’re simply trying to get me to take my shirt off,” he had countered, a grin gracing his lips.

“Or I just want your shirt to sleep in.”

Gale had blushed at that, clearly thinking about it a second too long, before pulling his purple tunic off and handing it to her. She took it with a little too much enthusiasm.

The stupid shirt is hers, and she has spent the first month after the Netherbrain fight wearing it around her little room at the Elfsong. But now looking at it makes her skin run cold and she chucks it into the fireplace. It takes a moment to catch, but soon the purple fabric is engulfed in flames and charred black.

No more reminders.

Without registering what she is doing, Tav picks through the items that she looted and stole and bought on their journey. Circlets, knives, swords, arrows, potions. She has so much random shit that even taking it to a trader or buyer will take multiple trips. So she starts to organize it instead.

Things She Has Use For.

Things She Has No Use For but Someone Else Will.

Things Gale Gave Her to Burn.

That pile is not the largest pile (unfortunately, that’s the “things she has use for” pile and she’s not sure if it’s because everything is actually useful or simply sentimental). But there are various things in the Things Gale Gave Her to Burn pile that she has no desire to keep with her, no matter how useful they may be. The ring that Tara gave them when they met in Rivington, for example. Gale had slipped it onto her finger with a bright smile and promised her a better one, but with the orb stabilized, she deserved a promise of forever.

Or perhaps one of the many robes that she had pilfered off of bodies that were imbued with magic. Whether for him to wear or use to sate the orb, she has plenty of random pieces of clothing that belonged to him that she just inherited when he fucked off, and she doesn’t want them anymore (though she will be selling the more valuable pieces to Rolan at Sorcerous Sundries; most of them will be burned to get the smell of him out of her godsdamn life).

Anything and everything from his traveling trunk that he just…left will be burned.

Maybe she will use the trunk as the fireplace, stuffed with everything in it..

That will be easier.

She considers, briefly, if she should invite her companions to burn everything with her. Karlach would be thrilled to join, if anything because Tav knows Karlach misses seeing her friends. Astarion is a no-brainer. Wyll and Shadowheart, however, she’s not so sure about.

She decides to invite them and if they think it’s too much, that’s their problem and not hers.

“Tav!”

The lock on her stupid door at the Elfsong is broken, and Wyll bursts into the room with his award winning smile and his stupidly handsome face. And gods, she does not want to see him.

“Did I manifest you showing up?” She asks, though she continues to place items in the piles on her floor. “I was just thinking about inviting you to burn Gale’s shit with me.”

Wyll, to his credit, seems entirely unphased by her desire to commit arson. Though, also to his credit, he never seemed to have cared about it before, either. The soon to be duke sits on the edge of her bed, hands clasped in front of him, and watches as Tav picks through her belongings.

“I’m surprised you haven’t done this sooner,” he comments idly, picking up a dagger with a broken blade. “It’s not spring yet –why the sudden need for spring cleaning?”

“I’m tired of seeing Gale’s shit,” she says easily, though her tone is sharp.

“Fair enough,” Wyll concedes.

There’s a silence between them for a few minutes as Tav throws another shirt of Gale’s into the pile to be burned.

“Is there an actual reason you’re here, Wyll?” She asks finally, feeling unnerved and annoyed by his silent eyes following her movements.

“The citizens are wondering where their great hero is,” he explains, leaning back on the bed with a shrug. “I think that you and I should go pay some visits around the city. Show them you didn’t just…you know, give up on them.”

“I’d rather not,” she insists, but Wyll is already standing and grabbing her by the arms to lift her up. She groans in annoyance and kicks something of Gale’s –a book he had given her –in retaliation. “Let me go.”

“Not going to happen,” Wyll teases as he pulls her towards the door. He snags her boots as he opens it. “Out you go. We can start easy —we’ll go see Rolan and his siblings. You like them.”

Rolan doesn’t particularly like her –she doesn’t particularly like him either for that matter –so she wasn’t sure why Wyll thought otherwise. On top of that, she has not spoken to Cal or Lia since Lorrokoan’s death. The three siblings seem to have been doing just fine in Ramazith’s tower –the few times she’s seen them out and about, they’re dressed in fine new clothes and seem happier than ever.

But she doesn’t know why Wyll thinks she wants to see them.

Though she can’t seemingly argue with the future Duke Ravegard as he pulls her out of the tavern and into the bustling streets of Baldur’s Gate.

*****

She hates it, turns out.

Being a hero, that is.

People are very touchy-feely when it comes to her now, and she hates every minute of it. The thank you’s, the gods bless you’s, the I know you lost a lot but we are so thankful for you’s –she’s standing in a cloud of daggers, slicing and dicing her skin up until she can’t tell if it’s the cuts that hurt or the residual reminders.

Tav hates it all and she wants to go back into her hovel of a room at the Elfsong. She wants to go back to sleep (better yet, she wants to start a fire) but Wyll is dragging her place to place, making her greet people with fake niceties and forced smiles and pretend that she’s happy to have been of service.

Not that she’s not happy to have helped the city. She really, truly is happy she and her companions stopped the Grand Design and prevented everyone from becoming mindflyers. She’s happy that life is starting anew for everyone around her.

She’s not happy with her new life, though.

Asterion's hiding in the shadows and only comes to see her when it’s the middle of the fucking night, and he’s always waking her up to do so. Karlach has been in hiding and Tav knows where but hasn’t been asked to visit so she doesn’t want to intrude. Halsin is busy playing daddy to his orphans, and Lae’Zel has significantly more important things to do (like saving her people and admitting her feelings towards a certain cleric) than come visit. Shadowheart is learning to be who she really is still –Tav can’t ask her to come wallow in her self-pity and anger.

And then there’s Wyll, who has shown up several times before but never forced her to leave until today. Wyll, who is absolutely too godsdamn nice for his own good and she wants to push him into the Chionthar when they’re close to it.

She is the hero of Baldur’s Gate and no one will leave her the fuck alone.

Her annoyance with this experience is boiling over just as they enter Sorcerous Sundries, being greeted by Rolan himself instead of his Unperson. Lia is close on his tail, shoving past her brother to hug Tav and Wyll excitedly.

“Tav! Wyll! It’s so good to see you!”

Tav physically cringes at the hug, shrinking back away from the touch. Her face feels hot, and she knows if she does not immediately walk out of the very overwhelming building that is this store, she’s going to scream at someone and it’s not going to go well –but Wyll forces her to join in on the group hug before finally pulling away.

“I was wondering when you’d come to see us,” Lia continues, either ignoring or not noticing how uncomfortable Tav currently is.

“Too good to come see us lowly refugees?” Rolan teases, his tone sharp and soft at the same time.

Tav knows he’s teasing because she knows he does not think of himself as a lowly refugee. She knows how damn proud this man is of himself because he should be. She knows he thinks highly of himself, he’s made himself very clear. But it’s his tone and the way he’s standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and a stupid little smirk and she’s just not able to see anything but red as she whips around to face him.

“Fuck you,” she snaps, and it’s no longer Tav that’s talking but it’s this awful, pissed off beast that she can’t contain as she turns to Wyll. “Fuck you too.”

“Tav,” Wyll warns, but it’s not a stern warning –it’s a you’re making a scene warning. But she does not hear it.

“I don’t want to fucking be here, but you can’t be bothered to fucking listen to me,” she continues, pointing at him. Rolan and Lia are standing there, eyes wide in surprise. Cal joins soon, then the varying people who were shopping are there too. All there to witness the Savior of Baldur’s Gate scream at the future Duke Ravengard. Tav knows she should stop. The rational side of her brain is telling her she’s going to make a fool of herself but the irrational side of her brain is angry and wants to let everyone damn well know it.

That’s the side that wins.

“I have better things to do than wander around this fucking city and listen to people spout thanks at me. I don’t want to be thanked, I want to be left the fuck alone to get my own shit dealt with,” she yells, throwing her hands in the air as she speaks. She’s always spoken with her hands, but today it feels more exaggerated. More violent. “Everyone else gets to fucking move on and live their fucking lives, and what do I get to do?

“I don’t get to fucking put myself back together, according to you, Duke Ravengard,” she mockingly bows to him, hands shaking as she does so. When she’s upright again, she thinks there’s tears in her eyes because Wyll is not looking at her with anger, but instead with concern and sadness and godsdammit that makes her angrier. “I have to go around, I have to apologize to everyone in this damned city, and I have to pretend that I am absolutely a-oh-fucking-kay when I am just barely a living fucking person at the moment.”

“Tav, I’m sorry, I –,”

“You don’t get to apologize!” She screams at him –fully unhinged, tears streaming down her cheeks as she shoves a finger into his chest. “Just leave me alone. Tell everyone else to leave me the fuck alone.”

With her tirade over, Tav breathes heavily for several moments before finally looking around her. The red that blurred her mind has receded and she can see clearly that what she did was…objectively insane. Children, patrons, Flaming Fists –Cal, Lia, and Rolan too –are all standing there, watching her.

Tav doesn’t hear Wyll call after her as she pushes through the crowd. She doesn’t hear him telling her it’s okay, that he understands. All she hears are the whispers of the witnesses and the blood rushing through her skull.

“Why is she so pissed off?”

“It’s because the wizard left, I bet.”

“Perhaps she should move on. Maybe she’ll be less angry.”

Of course she’s angry —but maybe she can do something about it.

#gale of waterdeep #wyll ravengard #bg3 rolan #rolan bg3 #wyll x tav #baldur's gate 3

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pagesfromthevoid · 12 days

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this is me trying | g.d. | 1

Denial —During this stage, individuals may feel shock or numbness, and they might refuse to believe that the loss has occurred.

Gale Dekarios x fem!tav

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Angst, break ups. This story is NOT happy

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

Something bittersweet grips Tav's heart with icy fingers, its presence a comforting illusion amidst the wreckage of the city. The Netherbrain –the very thing that brought all of them together –has been slain. It’s remains scattered around them –literal pieces of it to mindflyers who fell when it died to bystanders who didn’t deserve the be victims –and the Crown of Karsus was sinking to the bottom of the river before them. As she stands on the worn dock of Baldur's Gate, the weight of exhaustion settling upon her shoulders like a leaden cloak, she clings to the fragile hope that maybe she’s only feeling this bitterness because for the first time in nearly a year, she doesn’t have a reason to get up in the morning.

As she turns to say something, Astarion suddenly hisses and the sound if skin burning echos around them. He apologizes frantically, voice cracking in panic as he takes off back into the shadows that await him once more. Tav wants to run after him, and she almost does, but Asterion's hasty retreat opens the door for the rest of her companions to speak up about their next steps.

Lae'Zel and Orpheus, both fierce and proud, offer their good-byes in the only way they know how. Short, void of emotion, and to the point. When Tav asks what they intend to do, Lae’Zel explains they will embark on a quest of their own –one to take back her people from Vlaakith. She’s certain that the Gith’s leave will cause a hole in heart too big to fill but Lae’Zel promises to stay until everyone else has left. The eyes she’s giving Shadowheart give her away, though, and Tav nudges her towards the cleric. Lae’Zel elbows her back a bit too hard. Shadowheart promises she will be around for a little while longer –she is going to return to the Selunite Outpost with Dame Aylin and Isobel, and learn more about her past. Shadowheart says she will be okay, and that she won’t be too far away for long. Her eyes are on Lae’Zel, though, and Tav also pushes her towards the Gith. They have more to talk about than they are willing to admit.

Karlach is the one that chose to evolve into an illithid, and while Tav is thankful that her friend is not going to die, Karlach must hide until it’s safe for her to show her new face. The tiefling –because Karlach will always be a tiefling to her –promises to visit when she gets “some damn good transfiguration shit” going, but the promise feels empty when they should be celebrating. Wyll remains by her side, because where else is Wyll going to go? He is the next duke, and he is the most consistent person she’s ever met. Devil or not, she knows Wyll won’t be going anywhere and that’s one less hole in her heart that she’s thankful for. Halsin promises to remain as well for a short while –he wants to return to the once-shadow cursed lands and rebuild, but he is going to help those who have lost families first. Orphans and those who lost more than they can rebuild, he will offer a place with him. She is welcome as well, but she has a home to return to.

She has Gale.

She has Gale, and he has promised her a home in Waterdeep with him after they rebuild Baldur’s Gate. He has promised her a home, and love, and himself. And that’s all Tav needs.

Except, the way he’s suddenly talking –she’s wondering if she’s everything he needs.

“The crown is ours for the taking,” he’s saying, motioning out to the water. Tav stares up at him with furrowed brows that are sticky with dried blood. “I could reforge it with the stones.”

“We promised it to Raphael,” she reminds him, voice hoarse from screaming most of the day away.

“We’ve just defeated a Netherbrain. We can take on a devil –more so if I become a god, my love.”

Tav is unsure what to say to that. “I thought you had put the notion of godhood behind you –I thought you and I were to return to Waterdeep?”

“We will,” he promises, but the words sound painfully empty and he’s not looking at her still. His eyes are on the water, where the crown hides below the surface. “We will once I reforge the crown and become the best version of me.”

“What about me?” She asks.

“You will remain here,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I must face Mystra myself –alone. The mortal world is no longer enough for me –this life is no longer enough for someone of my abilities. I know what I meant to do.”

He speaks of ascension, of transcending the mortal realm to claim the mantle of godhood, as if such a path were his birthright. All she hears is that the mortal world is not enough; this life was not enough –she is not enough.

Tav is not enough for Gale.

His words echo in her ears, a chaotic display of selfishness that is suddenly drowning out every other sound around her. Her blood is rushing in her ears, her heart feels like it is losing the last piece that is holding on by a thread. She reaches out, her trembling fingers seeking solace in the warmth of his touch, but he is already slipping away, his gaze fixed upon a distant horizon that she cannot hope to follow.

“Gale,” she says, and there’s tears in her eyes as he turns back to her. He presses a soft kiss to the top of her head.

“All will be well,” he promises but again, the words are empty as he pulls away.

That is his good-bye to her, and the wave to his companions for the last year is just as meaningless. And now she is standing on the docks of Baldur’s Gate, watching as Gale Dekarios walks away from them then disappears through a portal that he conjures away from the rest of them.

No one knows what to say.

No one knows what to do.

No one knows how to react when Tav’s knees suddenly buckle under and she collapses to the ground, eyes staring blankly at where Gale once stood.

She does not register the words her friends are saying. She does not fully hear how angry they are, how disappointed in him they are, how concerned for her they are. Tav knows they’re talking; she knows they are staring at her; she knows they are helping her off the ground and holding her up. But none of it registers as her mind races in panic.

It’s Lae’Zel who finally gets her to listen.

“The wizard has made his decision, as poor of a decision as it is.”

“He’s going to come back,” Tav simply replies, shaking her head. But she’s not sure she believes that herself. “You heard him –he promised he would come back.”

Shadowheart is the next to try to speak reason with her. The cleric wraps an arm around her waist, guiding her down the dock as Wyll’s arm wraps around her shoulders. “If he truly is trying to ascend –Tav, I do not think –,”

“He’ll come back,” she interrupts, her voice trembling. “He’s going to come back. He has to come back.”

*****

Two weeks later, she is sitting in the Elfsong Tavern, having been given a permanent room and laid claim to a back booth that is generally away from prying eyes.

She does not drink her feelings away, but she does not talk about them either.

It’s easier to think he’s going to come back.

It’s easier to assume that Gale will be successful and he will return to her soon and he will return the crown to Mystra. He knows better. He’s too smart to be so stupid, especially when he knows that the crown is connected to her soul.

He wouldn’t risk her soul being given to Raphael.

He wouldn’t do that to her.

Astarion slides into the booth beside her, and suddenly Tav realizes it must be dark out. The vampire had disappeared for a week following their fight with the brain, having missed Gale and his unceremonious good-bye. Shadowheart must have filled him in on what happened though, because the last three days, the vampire has been at the tavern with her.

He spends most of the time he is with her talking shit about Gale, and she reprimands him every time. She reminds him that Gale has his reasons, that Gale is not a bad person. Perhaps he’s a little obsessive, or even a little reckless when it comes to his ambition. But he is not bad person.

Astarion seems to disagree.

As does Shadowheart.

Wyll won’t say one way or another if he thinks Gale is a bad person, but the look in his eyes when he looks at Tav suggests that Wyll may agree with her companions.

She understands why he left.

She even accepts why he left.

She just wishes he would have asked her to leave with him.

*****

After two months, it is hard to remain in denial that he is going to return, however.

#gale of waterdeep #wyll ravengard #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #gale x tav

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