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Im just trying my best

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I’m exhausted but I don’t even feel like I can go get into my own bed so that’s fun

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Fuck this I am cool and fun and absolutely fucking hilarious and creative and I am so done seeking validation for things I already fucking know because I might be a little afraid sometimes but all those things are true. They are true.

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Maybe if I was still, you’d forgive me

But the only ‘still’ I am is the ‘still-shaking’, ‘still-hurting’ version of myself I’m still trying to hide away

Maybe if I was enough, you’d hold me

But the only enough I have ever been is ‘just unwanted enough’ for all the things I ever loved to leave

Maybe if I could accept change things would be different

Maybe if I allowed myself to still see your love even when the blinkered eyes of my anxious mind cloud the truth and draw in shadows

Then you’d be able to tolerate my dark days a little better

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These are just a few of the things that tiny voice says when I’m all alone in my brain sometimes

Please, my love, believe me when I say that the doubt has nothing to do with you

It has everything to do with the fear filled wasteland my mind becomes

Out of nowhere, caking everything I know with a thick layer of ‘what if’

I know I’m difficult and hard to be around when the fear in my head comes knocking

I’m sorry

I promise I try to keep it at bay

But you are the sun, bright and bold and everlasting and shocking everything in me with bright white light

I have never known a light like you

You carry your strength like a shield on your back and I am in awe of the way you light the world on fire

And I suppose, deep down, I’m afraid that my little dark cloud might one day scare your bright light right out of my life

My love, you are the only thing that makes me feel as though I haven’t failed

You are the best decision I ever made

And I know you feel the same about me

Especially on those good days

Just, please bear with me… I’m still trying to tell my little dark cloud that we have our umbrella, and we are safe now

#anxiety

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“A Thread of Tips” by Shelby

• #16 is missing but to find out more tips, follow her on twitter; be sure to thank her! 😁

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#reblogging this for the first time in years because I’d forgotten how much it makes me SMILE #this code fills me with the purest joy

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My girlfriend really does deserve a fucking medal for putting up with me because I am the biggest twat there is

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Long distance relationships are hardest when your partner is hurting and there’s nothing you can do but wait for them to text you...

#i just want to hold her #is that really too damn much to ask #just snap my fingers and shes here with me #or I’m there #we so deserve to be happy in each other’s arms

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the best alternate ending

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The whole medical Industry is a scam, I’m not surprised. This is exactly why there’s so much money in pharmaceuticals in the US!

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this is literally yall on this damn site

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#gaby