support · 8 years ago
Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.
If you are in the United States, please try:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) The Trevor Project (LGBTQ youth, ages 13-24) National Eating Disorders Association (online chat, text) RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)
If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find resources for your country.
For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.
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designerfupa · 28 minutes ago
“May the bridges I burn light the way.”
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writersmorgue · 34 minutes ago
this is NOT an ad by the way i feel like i can’t talk about cool services without it sounding like one- anyway not an ad but if you have shopping anxiety/fitting room anxiety i do recommend stitch fix. it’s not the best for alt clothes or media merch but if you like plainer clothes they have some good quality shit and it’s reasonable priced considering they have a stylist pick shit for you.
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vomesticdiolence · 46 minutes ago
I remember standing there and my workmate stood in the door way of the humpy and he said to me “Matt, I can’t stop my hands shaking” and it was in that exact moment immense emotions flooded me and I felt hopelessness, fear, scared. My mind was like a scene from Star Wars where they enter warp speed and all the stars they’re passing which look like blurs were my memories and I found myself at a moment in my child hood where I felt the exact emotions I said above. All from a work place incident and seeing my work mate like that. Crazy.
That very moment was the trigger. I know this now, I still feel it and I remember it like it happened to me yesterday. That was over 4 years ago and I’m still on the journey of understanding and being in control.
Opened up all my childhood trauma from all the experiences I have been through. I’m going to start talking about them more hoping that I can maybe help someone else in anyway at all.
Sexual abuse. Domestic violence. Ok I’ll stop here, I’m feeling really sad but yeah I’m sorry if you read this and it hurts to but maybe we can work it out together by talking about it.
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writingonthefall · 55 minutes ago
sometimes it feels like pretty much everything about my life is part of a trauma response in some way. i’m exhausted from carrying the weight of it all on my own for so long, but at this point, i truly have no idea how to let people in enough to help me without it feeling unsafe. when so many people have hurt you over so many years, it becomes safer to shut them all out… even to the point where it ends up hurting you more.
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af973 · an hour ago
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It takes a pill to be one from this nature of two
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vegetable-soup-wizard · an hour ago
existing with mental illness really is harder than it needs to be
other people: shower time! *takes shower*
me: showe-
my brain, ejecting itself from my skull: No
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mr-kiwi-the-wizard · 2 hours ago
If you're ever anxious about dating then think of it as scheduling to hang out with someone, trying not to be strangers.
You don't have to kiss or hold hands. That's reserved for people you're comfortable with.
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kp777 · 2 hours ago
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nochuvents · 2 hours ago
i love reading aus with depressed main characters that get happy endings but i always get sad when i read about their supportive friend groups cause im : depressed & lonely 😔🤙🏾
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yassen-gregorowitch · 2 hours ago
I have a question. Or several, maybe. It's all related to the same topic, though.
So I've been reading about different anxiety disorders and stuff, trying to figure out if I have one. Because I feel like I do, but everyone around me looks at me like I'm stupid for even suggesting it. Occasionally I will be told "You? Someone like you could never have anxiety," by family and friends alike, and I want to know if I'm just somehow imagining it, fooling myself, or if I do actually have a bloody anxiety disorder that no one is taking seriously.
Basically, one of my questions is: if I can push myself through what I'm assuming is an anxiety attack and still do what I need to even if I'm only half functioning, does it count as an anxiety attack?
Most of the time I'd like to hole up in my room and ignore the world, but say, if I'm at school and I need to give a speech, I can do it. I have to stop myself from crying while giving the speech by scratching or pinching my knuckles and palms, I end up stuttering and slurring a bit of the letters or words, and my face feels hot, hands clammy, the works. But I can do it.
So, does anxiety mean it is impossible to do whatever you're anxious to do, or can you force yourself to do it when needed?
Related to the above question, about selective mutism; does it count as selective mutism if it doesn't last for more than a few minutes? If I can force some words out, but not all?
Like for example, if I'm in trouble with my parents and they ask me why I did whatever it is I've done that was wrong, no words come out. Sometimes I even have justifications and valid excuses, but they never come out. And if they do, it's always just half sentences that don't make sense, and then I start crying.
Or when I took sewing classes, and my teacher asked me a question, but there were other girls in the room and I didn't know them, so I couldn't open my mouth and move my tongue and form words like a normal person, so I just smiled and carried on working...
It isn't something that happens for days on end, and I only started noticing that I did it when I read about selective mutism, but I just want to know.
Because I know no one will ever take me to see a psychologist, to get a diagnosis if something is really wrong, or even just listen to me and take me seriously. They all have this perceived version of me that used to be so friendly, so talkative, so they can't fathom how I could have something as "silly" as anxiety. It's all in your head, they say. Just don't think about it. If it were that easy, I'd have been freaking fine years ago, I want to say. It never comes out.
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theanonymousbooks · 2 hours ago
Anxiety is whack.
I am watching a YouTube video and playing a video game.
I suddenly realize that I just felt very anxious. I only realize this because now for some reason I am feeling relieved and calm.
I wonder what the hell made me feel anxious. Was i thinking about something triggering? Did I just have a stressful text come that I forgot about? Did I just have a random attack that Stardew Valley managed to successfully thwart?
I really can't think of anything so I just go back to watching my video and playing my game
I start feeling anxious again. Okay I'll pay attention this time. What is it.
Wait... Wait hold on... IT'S THE MUSIC IN THE VIDEO.
The music had a part in it that sounds like alarm which makes me feel like there is an alarm I am ignoring and making me anxious. The reason I felt calm and relieved out of no where is because the video stopped playing it for a moment.
I had even paused the music earlier to make sure that was it and there wasn't an alarm going off somewhere but didn't realize yet that it was stressing me.
Like my brain knew it was the song in the video and not an alarm and it still got stressed the fuck out that there was an alarm for some sort of important task I was forgetting about. Calm down brain, you're fine.
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writertoo18 · 2 hours ago
Sunday Check-In 8.14.22
Sunday Check-In 8.14.22: surprises, updates, and still secrets. Check it out to learn more!
Hi everyone! I know it’s been a week, and I missed the last check-in as well as my other posts. But, when I bring the other posts back, I will have two for each day. Hopefully that will make things easier, and make up for missing like I have. I’ve been dealing with some anxiety and second-thoughts about everything I’m doing. It’s been rather difficult to wrap my head around all of my plans and…
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cataleya-ramirez · 2 hours ago
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“You can lay down and die, or you can get up and fight, but that’s it - there’s no turning back.” - Jon English
The Fight Begins
Anxiety. It had festered, building until it reached its pinnacle, leaving Cataleya breathless. Clutching at her aching chest, the woman sat on the floor of the bathroom in defeat. She arched her head back to rest against the wall behind her, closing her eyes. Her heart was pounding loudly, echoing in her eardrums. The sound was deafening in the silent fortress.
Every morning brought on the same routine. Waking up every hour starting at two in the morning, dry heaving and vomiting the little she had eaten the night prior, dizziness from fatigue and weakness, then finally collapsing from sheer exhaustion five hours later. She was barely sleeping, barely eating. The depression was spreading, blossoming throughout her mind. It was consuming her. The anxiety, the fear, the guilt, and the loneliness. It was all becoming too much to bear.
Get up, Cataleya told herself after reading the time on the small clock next to her bed. It was eight in the morning. You need to eat. She removed herself slowly out of bed, rubbing her temple to ease the pain of her migraine. Managing to stand, she made her way into the shower to clean the dried bile from her face. The hot water was soothing, a temporary relief to her aching body. It hurt to move. She barely had any strength to do the minimal tasks to take care of herself. You need to be stronger than this. For him.
Him. The thought of Adriel brought on pain to her already aching heart, causing tears to cascade down her cheeks. She remembered the last time she had seen him. It had been a week ago. She had promised she’d be there the following Sunday. Today.
Cataleya inhaled sharply, clutching her chest. Today was Sunday. The promised conjugal visit they had been looking forward to for weeks. She imagined his face, the disappointment and worry etched into his visage when she wouldn’t show. This caused her to scream, the vibrations of sound echoing in the vast bathroom. She screamed and cried until her voice was broken, lost once more to the endless pain she felt.
How she managed to get out of the shower, dress herself, and make it downstairs to the kitchen to make herself breakfast, Cataleya did not know. The bowl of oatmeal with fruit sat untouched on the counter. Cataleya was pacing, her mind racing with thoughts of Adriel. What would he think when she didn’t show? Had her letter arrived to him yet? He needed to know that she would never abandon him.
Her hands were tugging at her own hair, frantic as she glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. Since she was an hour ahead, it meant that Adriel would be soon finding out that Cataleya was not coming. The palms of her hands were damp with perspiration. “I’m sorry,” she breathed in a hoarse whisper, her eyes glancing at the clock again. Only two minutes had passed. It felt like an eternity. Ten minutes past. Thirty minutes past. Her stomach felt knotted. He had to know now that she wasn’t coming. What would he think? What would he do? Oh God, what would he do?
Fear crept into her heart but there was nothing she could do. She couldn’t contact him by phone. It would expose her location before she intended. It was a waiting game. All she could do was wait until he received her letter. Blinking back tears, she left the kitchen to retrieve a framed photo she kept on the small table in the living room. She snatched it up and clutched it to her chest then pulled it back after a moment to look at it. Adriel’s smiling face was staring back at her.
“I’m fighting for you,” she murmured to the photo, swallowing hard then staring up at the ceiling to blink away the tears. “I’ll be home soon,” she promised, kissing the photo and bringing it into the kitchen. She set it on the counter and sat down on the stool, grabbing the spoon and staring at the cold oatmeal. The smell nauseated her, but she willed herself to bring the spoon full of oatmeal into her mouth. Chew and swallow. Do it.
One spoonful at the time, Cataleya forced herself to eat, occasionally glancing at the photo. You need to do this. You need your strength. How else will you fight? How else will you get home to him?
It wasn’t until the bowl was empty that she set the spoon down, mentally exhausted from the ordeal but feeling triumphant. One step at a time. Setting the bowl and spoon in the sink, she grabbed the photo before leaving the kitchen. The lights turned on as she moved through the safe house, the lights dimming in the rooms she left behind.
Navigating her way downstairs, she held the photo close. The doors to a secured room opened once she pressed her hand to the scanner, revealing the armory. The doors closed and locked behind her, Cataleya moving further into the armory until she reached the firearms that decorated the wall. She had to set the photo down to be able to pull the AK-47 from its mount.
She set the assault rifle on the counter, pulling open the drawers to find the ammo she needed. With several boxes in her hands, she grabbed the rifle and headed for target practice. Let’s go.
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astramthetaprime · 2 hours ago
A is for Anxiety
Until recently, I spent roughly 25 years on various forms of anti-depressant or lately anti-anxiety medications.  
A problem inherent in being biologically female and Autistic is that one is almost never diagnosed correctly until much later in life.  Briefly, this is due to the vast majority of Autism research having been conducted only with data gathered from males, primarily young boys.  This led (incorrectly) to the conclusion that Only Boys Can Have Autism.  This has also led (infuriatingly) to girls with Autism being misdiagnosed sometimes multiple times over the course of their lives with depression, anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, etc.  Unless a little girl was overwhelmingly obviously autistic, they were never diagnosed as such.  Because Only Boys Can Have Autism.  Only recently have women begun to be recognized as Autistic.  I am part of that cohort.  
Anxiety is most definitely part of Autism, or rather a product of it.  I wouldn’t say a symptom, truly more of a product.  Try going through your life constantly befuddled by the world around you and tell me you don’t have anxiety.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Anyway.  So yeah, I was on anti-anxiety meds.  Until my doctor neglected to renew the prescription.  Despite 2 calls to the doctor by my pharmacist.  So suddenly I’m going cold turkey from a med I’ve been on for the last 10 years.  
But I’m no stranger to such situations, unfortunately.  In my 20s I got dumped from my state’s TennCare program without warning while I was on 80mg Paxil.  The highest single-pill dosage they make.  I had half a month’s worth left.  I started cutting them in half immediately to try to ramp down as much as I could, but after they were gone it was cold turkey.  If you’ve never been on anti-depressants, they tell you they’re not addictive.  The hell they aren’t.  They’re physically addictive.  I spent about 6 weeks with my head spinning like a top.  It got so bad that I couldn’t sit in a chair without arms because I would literally lose my balance and fall out of the chair.  But then I found the best thing -- Dramamine will stop the spinny head.  Not kidding.  Good old fashioned Dramamine.  Holy crap suddenly I could make it through work without vomiting in the parking lot.  So I stocked up on that and soldiered on.  After I put myself on St. John’s Wort -- highly recommended, at least by me -- and was all right with the world for nigh on 20 years or so, until I got on the anti-anxiety meds.  The two are not good together.  Don’t do it.  SSRIs and MAOIs do not mix, kids.  DON’T DO IT.
Anyway, again.  I’m trying to get to the point here.  So yeah, the withdrawal from the much lower dosage of anti-anxiety meds went comparatively smoothly, and I’ve been off completely for several weeks now.  I want to know what kind of baseline I’m working with nowadays.  I’ve been on meds for so long that I honestly don’t know who I am underneath it.  So I’m ... okay with it.  Being off the drugs.  I want -- I need -- to know how Autistic I am underneath it all.  Who is the unvarnished, unadulterated Aunty Proton?  I can’t know what I need to look out for with drug-biased data.  
Pursuant to this, I’ve begun keeping an Anxiety List.  When I get to bugging, I fire up my Google Keep app and write that sucker down.  How is this useful?  A common pitfall of Autism is meltdowns, where a person becomes overwhelmed by stresses or environmental conditions to the point that they just snap.  It may be due to sensory sensitivities, it may be due to an overwhelming load of demands, it may be due to social conditions -- everybody is different in their triggers.  It’s usually a situation of things building up until a final trigger just is too much.  So by keeping track of things that I sense are stressing me out, I hope to determine what kind of things in general could set me off.  I’m trying to adult here.  To be my own therapist.  Because I ain’t got the money to afford all my bills right now much less therapy.  
That’s a rant for another time though.  HOWEVER.  Thanks to a wonderful resource there is some hope in that regard.  If you’re Autistic and can handle working for a living but have trouble finding a job that you can do, well, I’m going to try Mentra at mentra.me.  The wonderful resource that made me aware of Mentra is known as neurodivergent_insights on Instagram.  Dr. Megan Neff.  SHE’S THE BEST PERSON EVER.  Please give her a follow if you haven’t, she’s honestly taught me so much about this crazy called Autism and made me suspect I may also be ADHD.  
So hoping Mentra can help me.  I haven’t signed up yet, planning on that starting today after I’m done with this post.  I will let you all know.  
Take care of yourselves, people, because once you hit 18 no one is going to take care of you but yourself.  Word.
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deprthings · 2 hours ago
Sorry but currently I am just existing. Nothing more. I feel like a total mess and I don't have any idea how to sort it out myself.
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petitefleuriste · 3 hours ago
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— Dr A. B. Simpson
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