So... I just got stuck in a little daydream loop about the marauders in shorts and Remus' tiny ones and my mind went:
Remus doesn't like to wear underwear. Nope, not even a white y-front.
One day he's walking along in front of Sirius and sees a Knut on the floor so bends to pick it up.
*Pop!*
Sirius also sees a knut...
(I have no idea if this has been said before, apologies if it's already been thought of)
remus you fucking freak way to flirt with danger
...unless you knew what you were doing...
either way, this has not been thought of yet and I think this works very nicely with scrungly crunchy granola remus who vaguely smells because he wears natural deodorant
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So on the one hand, omega Remus being outnumbered in a house full of alphas is VERY funny. On the other hand, Harry and Teddy both presenting as omega and SIRIUS being the outnumbered one is also very funny. Much to think about, much to think about ;)
Toooo much to think about because, oh my goodness, the family dynamics in the A/B/O world must be so fucking weird. Like, yeah, everyone pulls the padge, but to have your parents actually need to buy you accessories for it?? I hate it here.
That said, I do love the idea of Teddy being an Omega….
“Sirius, I’m going to tell you something, and before you answer me, I need you to listen to everything I have to say.”
Sirius put his coffee down on the breakfast bar and looked over the top of his glasses at his husband, who’d just shuffled into the kitchen after being on the phone in the bedroom with the door shut for the past 45 minutes. He was biting his cuticles, something he hadn’t seen Remus do since Teddy was an infant and wouldn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time.
“OK,” Sirius said slowly.
“And I want you to remember that you’re not a slave to biology. You’re a calm, collected, rational adult who can use his brain to think and reason. Right?”
“Yes,” Sirius agreed, sitting back and folding his arms over his chest.
“And we love our son, who is 20 years old and perfectly capable of making his own decisions.”
“Whatever it is, Moony, just spit it out,” Sirius said, starting to get nervous now, and just a tad annoyed.
“Alright,” Remus said and plastered a bright, overly excited smile on his face. “So I actually have great news. Teddy’s coming home this weekend!”
“Oh! Great!”
And it was great. They hadn’t seen Teddy in months. Not since he left for Romania to work at a dragon sanctuary studying the mating habits of Hungarian Horntails.
“But…” Remus continued.
“But?”
“He’s bringing a friend.”
“A friend,” Sirius repeated.
“A good friend. A very, good, close, loyal, devoted friend.”
“Devoted?” Sirius asked, his voice slipping deep into his chest more than he meant it to. He cleared his throat theatrically and raised his next words to an unnaturally high pitch. “Sorry. Allergies.”
But Remus wasn’t buying it. They both knew Sirius’s only allergy was to gym bro Alphas sniffing around their sweet, innocent Omega baby.
And cats. But that was neither here nor there.
Remus narrowed his eyes at him.
“May I continue?” Remus asked. "Remembering our aforementioned agreement?"
“Of course.”
“Right, yes. So. His friend.”
“Who is devoted.”
“Yes. Extremely devoted."
“How devoted are we talking?”
“Hopelessly! Like Sandy from Grease. Or like you! It’s a little pathetic, really.”
Sirius took a deep, calming breath. They knew this day would come. And now it was here. And it was OK.
“What’s his name?” Sirius asked. Sirius was, indeed, a calm and rational man.
“I have to say, Sirius, you’re handling this amazingly well. I knew you would. You’re such a good dad,” Remus said. He crossed the kitchen and tucked himself into Sirius’s side, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing his lips to the crook of his neck. Sirius’s eyes slid shut as Remus ran soft, slow kisses across his skin, behind his ear.
“The best dad ever,” Remus whispered, dragging his fingers up the back of Sirius’s neck and into his hair. “The best husband. Just…the best.”
Sirius sighed at the feeling of Remus’s soft voice and sweet kisses, at his summery, sugared strawberry scent, at his long fingers gently stroking his hair, at his lovely body pressed against him. He wrapped his arms around Remus’s waist and felt himself slipping, slipping…
But wait.
“Remus?” Sirius said, pushing through his love-drunk haze even as Remus grazed his teeth across Sirius’s neck. “What’s his name?”
“Hmm?”
“What is Teddy’s very, good, close, loyal, devoted friend’s name?”
“Well, funny you should ask.”
“Moony…”
“You know him well!”
“Moony?”
“Well, not that well, you know he exists, but…”
“Moony!”
“And his family is wonderful. Better than wonderful! Top tier!”
“Remus! Who is it?”
“It’s Charlie Weasley.”
“WHAT?” Sirius cried. He opened his mouth to say more, but he could feel the stress radiating off Remus now, turning his sweet strawberry scent into something sour.
“Yes!” Remus said, nodding solemnly. “I know! It’s Charlie Weasley. It’s Charlie! Weasley! A giant man who is old enough to be Teddy's father, and who is coming here this weekend to ask us—but mostly you—if he can mate our baby.”
A strange look crossed Remus’s face, and he stared off into the distance, hazy eyed, as his eyebrows slowly knitted together. His fingers on Sirius’s scalp clenched into fists, yanking his hair slowly by the roots.
And not in a sexy way. In a scary way.
“Our baby…” Remus repeated slowly. “Our only baby! Charlie Motherfucking Weasley wants to put his teeth on our baby’s neck and…WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING DOWN? YOU NEED TO GO KILL HIM! NOW! ARE YOU AN ALPHA OR NOT?”
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