penitentbeggar

[penitentbeggar]

Zhang San laxed his weight, arms slackened and he held onto land by a hair. He lowered his shoulders as he sank into the winds that curled upward, equalizing his balance at edge of the pier. He breathed in the balmy air and lowered a bit more. Zhang San extended his leg forward and lowered his foot against the splattering waves. He could let go, release all and sink into the ocean, and he would've, if he were the person who arrived here a year ago. Now, he held his balance betwixt land and sea, and he smiled.

Suddenly, the wind's embrace flittered away, and the waves thronged to sea. Zhang San's balance shuddered through the ebb and flow, acutely aware of the sea's rambunctious beckoning. Zhang San's first notion was a storm, although a vile and soul-shuddering aura lapped over him. And he recognized the intrinsic fear accompanied by his mentor's presence. Zhang San turned his head over his shoulder expecting to find the indifferent teenager only to spy a hulking, four armed man approaching the edge of the pier.

The pier's wooden foundation groaned and lurched towards the ocean's raging surface. Despite the water's thunderous claps, Sukuna's voice naturally rose in warm, luscious baritones. He spoke wisdoms, warning the consequence of feeding the past, and Zhang San immediately soaked in the words, though his eyes refused to leave the enormous build that blocked the sun. He blinked and shook his head, forcing his eyes to flee from the two tiered chest.

"Uh-huh, yeah, I hear that.... but," Zhang San stuttered, "all I'm seeing is you're huge now." He stared out to the horizon, the winds whipping the untamed hair and tattered, well-worn clothes. "S-sorry, not the point. Do you really believe that, Sukuna? There's more here now than there ever was, don't you think? I mean, this ocean cannot be the same waters we fell into... the sky is unlike the night that shrouded us... and me and you? Well, you're obviously different. Hm... I-I don't know where I'm going with this. M-maybe there is just the past here, and I've returned in hopes of finding something new."

Zhang San parted his lips to utter that he missed the quiet, safe moments he shared with his mentor, but found candidness to be far more difficult than before. No longer did Sukuna wear a teenager's face. His air of intimidation matched the image. Despite that, he felt unchanged in Sukuna's presence. His soul, his curse, all the same as he had known. In that security, he grew lax. Zhang San peered up at the divided face, bulging eyes protruding from the malformed mask. His eyes traced down the protuberant muscular hills until he found the basket hanging from one of the many hands.

"Don't you ever think wood returns to where it fell...?"

ㅤHarsh gusts scraped the earth, winter-dry detritus of sand, dirt, and dead plant life billowing wildly in the sea breeze's undertow. In the barren season, the wind played little else but grass whistles through the reeds, and without the usual bedlam of life to drone its din, the steady beat of waves ate all other noises-- except for the clatter of wood tossed against wood.

Ryomen-sukuna walked the beach, one arm strapped around a deep carrying basket laden with driftwood. The basket's threaded wicker creaked with his movements, the wind whipping the sound echoic across the landscape--a ghostly white noise to indicate his otherwise quiet presence. In the absence of any meaningful challenges in this prison realm, he sought to devour his time with indulgences satisfied best by innovation. A reliance on himself to synthesize unique means of creation combined with his stubborn adherence to his archaic skillset resulted in tools specially designed to fit his needs, and his current interest in driftwood, a material befitting his niche but one he had not previously cared to work with, arose from a specific inspiration that he anticipated would provide him ample entertainment. The concept of driftwood existed beyond the contents of his basket.

In the clear morning, he spied his target of interest on the spiritual spectrum long before the physical vessel crested the horizon of visual sight. The man's frequency hummed with the stuffy purity of an empty temple, where sound could only be implied. Sukuna peered at the wavelengths as he approached, his sight for the metaphysical sharpened by his enlarged spiritual eyes, and found the timbre to be more synchronous than before. The outlines of the two men, though not completely overlapping, edged closer, no longer repulsed but faintly magnetic. Sukuna climbed the pier.

The old wood groaned under his footsteps, the structure of the beams swaying beneath the burden of his weight. But he continued forward, stopping only once he stood next to Zhang San.

"There's nothing to find here but the past," he intoned, crossing his upper arms as he stared ahead at the cusp of the world. "Give it too much value and it'll be all you see, Zhang San."

#bimeval #bimeval 10 #[ two tiered chest is my new favorite word ]

[penitentbeggar]

The world's perpetual motion sketched long-exposed lines across his peripheral vision. He stared into the eyes glistening like polished, golden orbs. Sun existed on the selfsame plane permeated motionless seared their image among the drawn, hurried lines.

Zhang San felt the heavy weight of Sun's head cradled into the nape of his neck. His hand rose to rest upon his crown, securing him from the thronging environment. He stretched his fingers, carding through the tuffs of dark hair and down to tickle the tuffs of fur. He missed the texture of his skin clouded with the thick mane. Zhang San dipped his head to engulf his scent, categorizing it within his head.

"Sun... oh, I've missed you too," he whispered, unable to vocalize the cathartic loneliness when separated from Sun. He peeled back from Sun, hands refusing to release his form, slid down to take the calloused paw into hand and led him to their table. He sat with Sun, hands interlocking above the table.

"How have you been feeling since..." he barely could utter the words.

I'm waiting for you.

Sun holds the phone so close to his ear. As close as humanly possible. And as silent as he is on the other side, he hopes that Zhang San can feel him.

Click. He does hang up, but he's moving quickly through the busy streets and sidewalks, and then finally he's at the front of the building.

It's nostalgic. This place holds so many memories of just the two of them; there's no place he'd go without his beloved. He releases a shaky breath and holds his hands together, wringing out the nerves from his fingertips.

I've been waiting for you...

Thoughts unspoken give him the courage to open those doors and step right in. It's like walking into a silent room. From it being noisy outside with the sounds of cars and business and then walking into a soundless room. Everyone's talking, but he doesn't hear them. People are working, but he doesn't hear the sounds of their work. Golden eyes scan the area and...The sounds and colors, all come when the Monkey King hears Zhang San's voice. Then those eyes land on the familiar mop of messy blond hair.

Sun approaches him, "You look good too---," but SO easily does he catch Zhang San in his arms. The moment they embrace, Sun breathes in Zhang San, burrows his face against the crook of San's neck, and breathes. He can BREATHE.

.....

"Welcome home, Zhang San. I missed you."

#sxnburst 14 #sxnburst #[weugh... sorry for the delay work has been a lot lately v-v]

[penitentbeggar]

@einwish

The torn bag of groceries wisped in the winter wind. Below the massive hole lumped squashed vegetables, splattered oat milk seeping into the concrete crevices, and shattered, ruined cooking wine. All the while Zhang San endured the looks of pity from the passersby.

"I wish I didn't exist...." he whispered under the heavy weight of embarrassment.

#einwish #[ bro you must have heard my thoughts ] #[ if zhang san were a teenage girl (physically) he'd fall her kyubei's tricks ] #[ but mentally.... he's there ]

[penitentbeggar]

it's been a while so

HIT THIS LIKE BUTTON TO RECEIVE A STARTER OF VARYING LENGTH.

#isola rp ad

[penitentbeggar]

Zhang San expected the phone line to click, yet his reaction erred on the side of violent. The phone flew up into the air, hung for a bit, before it descended against the table in a thundering clatter. Zhang San bowed his head in apology to the onlookers offended by the noise.

"Uh, that place, y'know..." he blushed, "our place. Where we first met. I ordered you food. We.... well, I have plenty of explaining to do. I hope you've been well. I'm waiting for you." Zhang San waited to hear the severed line before he turned his attention to the windows. He searched the sea of people for the tuffs of brown fur and lanky tail trailing behind.

It wasn't long until Sun appeared. Zhang San stood up from the table, a sheepish smile and wave welcomed Sun into the establishment. "H-hey... you look, well, yeah, you look good." Zhang San refused resistance and flung his body against Sun's. He enveloped Sun in an embrace, burying his nose into his fur. "I'm home, Sun. I'm home."

There was another eclipse and with it came familiar faces. ome he's only seen in passing and others he interacted with. Though, he didn't wait long enough to see who else had come through another world into this current one. He had left.

When his phone began buzzing, however, he hadn't really expected the familiar name to show up in his contact. Seeing San's name made it so clear. IT had been why he felt this pull. The same kind of pull from when Zhang San had first arrived in the city the first time. He's an idiot.

"Zhang San where are you?" This is the first question he asks upon picking up the phone and placing it to his ear. "I'll meet you there."

#sxnburst #sxnburst 14 #[ WEUGH WEUGH WEUGH ]

[penitentbeggar]

The ebb recedes and flows concurrent with the tide.

Zhang San understood it less than he had initially. He chalked his fuzzy, feigned comprehension to the unnamed alcoholic beverage procured by Reier's partner. He debated getting drunk prior to arriving to the oceanside to graze insincere insight, but ultimately resisted. He believed in his growth, despite the monsters of his mind mocking the very notion. He eclipsed their lies with hope that the sun's first light would illuminate Reier's words.

It wasn't until his toes touched the icy water that he realized the sun rose opposite of the horizon. He waded in winter's shore feeling rather foolish for considering the idea to mooch off nature's epiphanies. He watched his pale skin turn red from the chill, slowly moving through the water, mind drifting with the loose sand dragged by the ebb. He waded until he could no longer.

The old, wooden pier barred his path. It hung over the horizon, memories reflected on the ocean's surface. He had been here a year prior and lingered with a curse. He paused in reflection, mildly amused that the old curse became a trusted mentor. He waded out of the water and climbed the pier, sloshing towards the edge till he stood upon the ocean's horizon. He outstretched his arms, embracing the winter's wind as he leaned over the ledge.

@bimeval

#bimeval 10

[penitentbeggar]

Zhang San became inebriated from the visions of reuniting with Sun. He dreamt in golden hues trimmed with bubbly foam racing into Sun's apartment and locking his beloved in an embrace. Yet, reality soured the sweet visions. Tang Sanzang had left him once and Zhang San repeated the waltz.

Despite his no ill-intent, Zhang San knew the wrong he committed. He abandoned Sun without warning. He faded from Spirale's boundaries, waking in a world where Sun could not reach him. Zhang San's heavy heart ladened with remorse, and he feared the worse-- he feared Sun would deny him as he did with Tang.

He avoided Sun's apartment, refusing to soil the pleasant home with his failings. Thus, he wandered the city, praying his best friend would come into view, warm as the first moment they met. Zhang San chased that hopeful sun spire to a place dear to their souls: the uniquely, enigmatic fast food chain that only existed in Spirale's domain. He stepped in, ordered a salad and a chicken wrap with two drinks and sat near the window. He watched the passersby move in indistinguishable blurs, hoping to see Sun.

"So much for growth," Zhang San sputtered, head drooping. "Is your fear of losing Sun finally rubbing off on me?" he posed to the other self, casting a sideway gaze into the dark, syrupy reflection of his soda. He sighed, Screw this. He picked up his phone and opened his contacts. He scrolled till the S's and located Sun's name, not surprised by the repeats. He called his Sun and listened to persistent ringing. Pick up. Pick up. I've missed you. Please, pick up.

#sxnburst 14 #[ i've missed these boys so so so so much ]

[penitentbeggar]

The nocturn void illuminated in hot, purple streaks of lightning. A perpetual silence lapsed before the distant crack of thunder tremored the forest, shaking heavy dew from the weighted, emerald leaves. The balmy weather whispered in counsel to the clouds, beckoning them to relieve their burden, and the sky willfully heeded and the first droves of rain smashed against the earth in one, thick sheet.

Zhang San winced to the prickling rainwater stabbing his skin. He clung to the taut rope of concentration, unyielding it to nature's distractions. For several moons, he sat in the selfsame location tapping into a potential he grazed prior to his release from the enigmatic city. The dream shared with the soul nestled inside him prophesied a fortuned peace. However, his fell to his original world, brought him upon a new journey to old friends; and in their discourse his dearest friend rekindled a truth suffocated in his habitual melancholious mood. From her lips she uttered knowledge swaddled in ancient verity: he had always been empty, he had always been full, he had always been him-- his past, present, and future had always existed. Then, she touched his hand and spoke in tenderness born from her unornamented love, the ebb recedes and flows concurrently with tide.

Spoken with truth and love, Reier challenged his amalgamated perspective on his journey. He returned home, intrinsically altered by Spirale, touched by Sun's soul and nurtured by Sukuna's curse. He existed anew because of their presence. He had grown, and outgrown his former environment. Thus, he meditated with newfound senses.

Perhaps he meditated to return home to Sun. Perhaps he meditated to grow closer to the soul within him. He had yet to mold his end goal, but he advanced with hope of results.

An earsplitting crack vibrated the descending sheets of rain and ruptured his corded concentration. He snapped free from his meditation, eyes heavenward to the nocturn void. Zhang San peered into the abyss, blindly groping in the dark for the severed concentration. He blinked, acutely aware the rain had moved on, freeing him from its torturous, repetitive spires.

The rain had faded from existence, as did the humidity-- and an unrelenting chill stroked his back. Flurries of snow whizzed from the void. He lifted his head, body ascending from the hole, and he rose to the edge, facing the cityscape.

Spirale. Home.

#isola drabble #drabble #[ OK OK OK OK OK OK OK ]

[penitentbeggar]

Fear, perhaps the one emotion Zhang San comprehended more than despair. The uncertainties and the unknowns that plagued his path often led him to stray from his responsibility, his responsibility to himself and his friends. Zhang San stared into Sun's eyes with warm devotion and leaned into his hand that danced like ghosts across his cheek.

"I'm sorry you're scared... but you're not alone. You don't have to face these fear all by yourself." Zhang San shifted until he lowered beside Sun. His arms snaked around his shoulders and he brought his head to his chest. "Do you hear my heart beat?" he questioned, tracing tuffs of fur that contoured his cheek. "That's proof that I'm here. I'm not going to run away from this. I'm not going to leave you. We'll figure this out together, Sun."

Sun falls silent. Eyes staring up at Zhang San. There's moments here and there where he sees Tang Sanzang and every time he does, there's a painful ping at the center of his heart. It hurts. He finds that he wants to cry.

Tang Sanzang!!

He can hear a voice echoes. It's his own, he recognizes. "Me neither." Sun answers after some silents on his end. Sun reaches a hand out to cup the side of Zhang San's face,

"It's okay..." He whispers, "I don't need to know." Even if he were curious...truth was, Sun was a little scared to find out the truth. With everything else, it was an experience to learn about Nezha, about Macaque, about the man who helped him at the beginning, the Buddhist, and anyone else he came across during this whole ordeal. His head felt like it'd crack into bits and pieces, but he was learning so much. This was...this was scary. This one right here. What would he learn? What was on the other side of that door?

Are you sure you're ready?

...

He left.

"Zhang San...I'm..." He brushes the back of his fingers alongside Zhang San's face and his hand comes back down to where his heart is, "Scared. I don't know what to expect. So....So I don't---I don't need to talk to Tang Sanzang. Not yet. I'd like to lay here. With you."

#sxnburst #isola challenge: sxnburst #Challenge the Sun

[penitentbeggar]

Revulsion grew in the pit of his stomach as Sukuna illustrated the methods to which an animal was prepared as food. His cheeks turned green and he lurched back. "B-butcher is such a strong word," he muttered, "a-and I'd like to... think that as a compliment, not wanting to kill anything... but from you... it sounds like the most degrading insult." Zhang San lowered his head, staring up at Sukuna with hurt puppy dog eyes; from behind the devilhead he noticed a pale, chiding figure who snickered. "S-so, no, not offering... just... suggesting..?"

"Sukkcha-- Ah... Sukuna, would you like to try fox meat?" Zhang San paused when he realized what question he asked. "Uh...where did that come from...?"

@bimeval

#bimeval #isola mini #[ IM CRYING POOR BABY ] #[ THIS IS HIS CHOSEN MENTOR SDKJFSKDJF I SWEAR HES OBLIVIOUS ]

[penitentbeggar]

"Sukkcha-- Ah... Sukuna, would you like to try fox meat?" Zhang San paused when he realized what question he asked. "Uh...where did that come from...?"

@bimeval

#isola mini #bimeval #isola dash commentary

[penitentbeggar]

"Oh, I see." he decides not to go in why he asked that question. "A... pest? Like a bug?"

"Is it your birthday?"

#rosictus #[ I DONT THINK ZHANG SAN KNOWS WHAT A WORSTIE IS ;O; ] #isola mini

[penitentbeggar]

"Is it your birthday?"

"really the worst day of my life right now."

#rosictus #[ zhang san 1 in comfort quality ]

[penitentbeggar]

It's been a year, and the people he's met, the experiences he had, they all made him feel fulfilled. Now, why, all of the sudden, does the icy claws of despair latch onto him? Zhang San looked towards the canopy of the Mistwood, and instinctually, followed its call. His body penetrated the fog and eventually, he dissipated into the mist.

#isola mini #[ when two halves feel empty then thats when they can be filled ] #[ they are beginning to fill their cups] #[ CHALLENGE LEAD UP PERCHANCE? ]

[penitentbeggar]

Zhang San’s always going through it and always trying to grow.

commissioned art by @onebitart

#zhang san | face #( he looks so miserable— good ) #( dude is learning how to read with adolescent readings ) #( i love him so much )

[penitentbeggar]

An ancient wrath spurred within him. A primitive anger that began with the first evolved homosapiens. The ancestors conceived the ill-fated children with an insincere gift of complex thinking, where these very same offspring manifested the perspective of right and wrong reasoned by their experiences. This evolved human fright and spite bubbled within his temple, an anger familiar to him through the lens of Zhang San, and in that moment, Tang Sanzang recognized exactly when he felt this sensation. He had been admonishing the terrified, malformed version of himself who begged for life within an endless void. Tang Sanzang sat in Zhang San's position, staring up at a god who admonished his decision.

"What is ascension to a god?" he questioned quietly, lowering his chin. "Heavenly rite to walk amongst the cosmic fields. All of the knowledge of the world, the strength of a supreme being, the awareness of your place in this universe-- you and Sun Wukong are gods... and I wanted to become one. I wanted to ascend and walk amongst the stars, live in the cosmic universe with Sun Wukong, but the heavens deemed me unworthy... and I continue my path to enlightenment."

"Humans are born into this world alone... and we die in this world alone... I did not want that and truly believed Nirvana was opening Her arms to me. I was a fool. I seek to redemption... but I don't seek your approval." Tang Sanzang looked up, "Punish me for my decisions to become closer to my dearest friend. Persecute me for my mistakes. I have earned them justly. I will not lash out, I will not fight. I am no longer that monk you once knew. I am no longer the person I thought I was."

I am empty as he is... I see that now.

Tang Sanzang lowered his head to the ground, forehead flushed against the dirt and he groveled.

The way this guy talks was worse than his brothers' tutors at the Li Manor. It would've been nice if he could zone out, but nah—he understood it all, which somehow made it worse.

Fancy-pants preacher...

"Yeah yeah, I get your schtick, you narcissistic monk. World's been treating you like trash, same as it does to the rest of us. Boohoo."

To say he couldn't sympathize was a lie: he just chose not to, because he's known worse. There is supreme satisfaction in seeing Tang Sanzang's blood stain the concrete in the same angry red that's dyeing his thoughts, as if affirming all the terrible truths he's kept sealed in his mind this entire time.

"I haven't even started on me yet. Those punches were for Sun, asshole. Not the one we've got here now, but the one you left behind when you up and ascended alone. Remember him?"

#ringlorn #[ OOOHHH ] #tw: self loathing #tw: depressive thoughts #tw: depression #tw: self destruction

[penitentbeggar]

The tender moment shared between the two isolated their presence in the busy fast food restaurant. They existed solely in their half booth table. Hands held, foreheads touching, they gazed into each other’s eyes like love sick birds. If one to let go, the other would whither. Zhang San clung to Sun’s hand, tightening when he heard Sun repeat the promise in the matured tone. The confidence and certainty remained unwavering as it did before. He had grown exponentially, and Zhang San was proud of all his growth, and eager to witness his continued growth.

“No, you haven’t,” he smiled, rosy hues flushed his cheeks. “And you’ve walked this journey with me. Sat beside me as I have with you. It’s kinda crazy to think about… I mean, how much we have been through.” Zhang San lowered his eyes. “It’s such a strange feeling, Sun. Like… I don’t know how I lived this long without you, and thinking about a future without you terrifies me.” Zhang recognized his emotion. He felt it with Reier, and living without her had been a regular experience. Two nomads who explored the world and craved their path in the world. Yet, without her, things felt incomplete. He felt the same with Sun, but he wanted much more from Sun than he ever did from Reier.

Zhang San’s far off gaze returned to Sun once the server arrived to their table with their tray. A salad for him and a massive burger and extra large fries for Sun. Zhang San smiled warmly, “I’m glad your appetite hasn’t dwindled. Dig in, Sun.”

The bouncing tail was enough for Zhang San to note Sun's approval of the establishment. He dragged his thumb across Sun's hand, feeling the soft tuffs of hair that lined his limbs. Touching Sun felt necessary to his well-being. It brought him comfort and the resurgence to continue conquering the daunting despair that plagued his life. He hoped, no prayed, for Sun's sake that he would not lose this never ending battle.

"A date? I-I suppose so," he sheepishly smiled and leaned into Sun's caressing touch. "I don't particularly have money for anything fancy... but I always believed sentiment over ruled material possessions." He led Sun inside, and uncharacteristically confident approached the register to order the same meals they indulged in their first encounter. Choosing the exact placement on his first day emerging from the hole, Zhang San leaned forward to whisper, "Do you remember what you promised me, Sun?"

#sxnburst 12 #[ i thought i posted this T^T ]