piratecaptainscaptainpirates

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

POV: You’re Stede and you see him, wyd

Hope this Ed’s not too hot for Tumblr lmao

#i [REDACTED] his [REDACTED] until he [REDACTED] #this is so so lovely! his tummy 😍

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

where’s that post that’s like ‘the dentist is always filling my mouth with delicious water and tricking me into thinking i’m getting a nice drink before sucking it back out with their wretched little tube. dishonest behaviour’

that’s an ed teach post now. i’ve decided

#so true

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

#yeeeeep

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Ed, three sheets to the wind: so yeah basically I think the most fucked-up animal is definitely crabs. The crab. You know crabs? They're always walking around sideways, and right away, I'm thinking "well, that's not right. That's not how it should be." Right? There's just no self-repsect there. It's deceitful. Could be holding anything in their little hands and you wouldn't even know it until they've passed you because they're walking sideways to hide one of their hands. That's how they get you. And that's another thing - their hands are these awful little pinchers. So they can grab things - to facilitate the hiding of things by walking sideways, of course. One time a crab pinched my toe and it was really red and sore for a whole week. An entire week, Stede, and I didn't even do anything to him. I was just minding my own business. I've never met an honest crab, and neither have you. Think about it

Stede: Ed You're So Fucking Smart

also if that's how ed talks sober imagine what happens after getting some wine in him. tipsy stede giving tipsy ed physically impossible heart eyes while ed talks for 2 hours straight.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

flower crown portraits

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Ed tries to propose to Stede at a fancy restaurant. He's planned it all out. Spoke to the owners ahead of time. Super nervous but so excited to spend the rest of his life with his boyfriend. He's planned it all out so they'll get a cake at the end of their meal with will you marry me written on it in icing.

It's been a lovely date, but Ed's palms start to sweat when he sees the cake approach. He knows what Stede's gonna say, but it's still a huge moment, y'know?

And they sit the cake down. Tell them to enjoy. And Stede's face is very blank. Ed was expecting a huge smile and a yes and a hug by now.

Ed starts to freak out.

Stede looks up, looks between Ed and the cake, and leans over to whisper - "Ed, we need to leave, I think the waiter just asked me to marry him and I'm so not interested in marrying anyone but you"

#ofmd #our flag means death

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

ed’s the kind of person who would carefully arrange the letters in alphabet soup to spell out “I LOVE YOU BABE” before setting the bowl down in front of stede

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I think ed would have mixed opinions about buffalo wings because on the one hand: spicy! yummy! fun! tactile! and on the other hand: oh gd the mess. the fucking mess. mess everywhere. mess on your face. mess on your hands. sticky bright orange mess. there's no possible way to eat wings without there being a big mess. the wings gotta be worth the mess.

#he is fighting for his life trying to eat his wings with a knife and fork

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Our Flag Means Death

 Stede Bonnet

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Ed and Stede would absolutely be that couple with a billion little codes for when they need out of a situation.

At a social situation and they're getting tired? Stede's probably been watching for it because Ed's been getting quiet and clingy, but then Ed'll pop his head up from where he's been hiding his face in Stede's neck and mumble something tangentially related to what they were talking about, "yeah, yeah, beer's really good here, Stede and I had this orange lager a few months ago," and Stede's been looking for oranges because that's their code word, and he's able to make a timely excuse so none of their friends are any the wiser. They get to go home and cuddle and recharge.

They're in public and meet up with an old friend of Ed's, Stede's already on edge because Ed's smile doesn't look quiet right, Ed takes his hand and squeezes it three times and Stede knows it's time to talk about a very important appointment they're going to miss if they don't leave right now immediately.

Stede's on the phone with a distant family member or old business contact looking for his father, Ed's listening in because Stede's voice is getting overly polite and that's never a good sign. Stede slips in a "oh, isn't that down by the coast, there's a lighthouse there" and Ed starts loudly going "hey baaaaabe can you come in here??? That mole is baaaack and I need you to look at it" so Stede can hang up the phone.

Just giving each other the agency to choose when it's time to leave and helping them get out. Ed's felt so forced to do things he doesn't want to do for so long; Stede's used to having no one in his corner. But with their powers combined? They can finally leave situations they don't want to be in.

#ofmd #our flag means death

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

ways of a gentleman

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

In the mood for a sweet little modern AU? Ed and Stede have been dating for a while, and Ed's head-over-heels. Stede, an entomologist, has just scored them tickets to an interactive insect exhibit for their three-month anniversary, and he's super excited! Only problem? Ed sitll hasn't told him he's terrified of bugs.

This fic is 4.7k words, rated T, super sweet and so full of love.

#morning rb

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

he's 50% eyes and 50% love

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

no one: ed: boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend

#so true Nina

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

🖤🤍

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Yes, you do ☕💜

(Another recent commission art 😉)