poisonheadcrabsalesman

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

” I don’t go here but…” is such a cool tag to get idc idc. You don’t know what I’m talking about but you like it anyways? Let’s make out

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

fuck that robot friday

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Muffled Perceptions

Muffled Perceptions is a fic by the illustrious @bellygunnr who did such a kick ass job that more people should be aware of it.

You can read it here on tumblr or here on ao3 - check out all of his writing, it is brilliant.

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

THE Miapede from @squeakitties

Also bonus under the cut that i didn’t like as much so i didnt finish

#TEEHEE #points #i know that thang #other's ocs

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

David Hasselhoff and Stunt Coordinator Jack Gill

#knight rider #uh huh

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

"big baby disney rushes to edit crew member out of 4 frames of the mandalorian" back in my day you'd see the entire fucking camera crew in the reflection of kitts paint nearly every episode of knight rider and we LIKED IT THAT WAY

#knight rider

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

bitches be like “ahhhhh it’s the demon!!!!” and then it’s just an old white man named john

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

GOOD EVENING TITANFALL NATION

Copacabana- Barry Manilow

#i miss good games

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

thinking about aus for ocs is so funny. like i already put this guy in a situation but what if i put them in another totally different one

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Blue Team John-117  Fred-104  Kelly-087  Linda-058

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Linda-058

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Halo 5 Gothic

“It took you long enough,” she says. It is the first mission. You have only just met. She has been expecting you.

You reflect on the lives you have taken and wonder whether any of them had families. Wives? Children? You wonder whether they could have done more with life…

You fail to revive your team member in time as a horde of enemies descends upon them and they die. You lament their loss and swear vengeance. You clear the room and take a moment to collect yourself, to process the loss, only to hear footsteps behind you. Your teammate’s body has disappeared, the bloodstain remains, yet they are standing behind you. They don’t say a word. You press on…

“She’s on Meridian,” you say, awakening from a dream. The others don’t ask how you know this. They don’t ask anything. You are sure they used to talk more. They may as well not be there.

Your HUD prompts you to “press RB to flip vehicle”. There are no buttons, you have no controller. Your hands do not even move. The vehicle rights its position of its own accord. You drive on, pushing these thoughts to the back of your mind.

You feel your mouth move and expel words that are unfamiliar to you. It speaks of things you are unfamiliar with - a ‘Domain’. You have not earned this knowledge, yet it spills from you as if you were born knowing it.

You love your sniper rife, and have named it Nornfang. You had to leave it behind on the Prowler when you arrived at Meridian. You are light years away now, standing on an alien world. You reach for the standard sniper rifle on your back that you took as a replacement, only to find that Nornfang has appeared in your hands.

You contemplate the immensity of the situation that is confronting four Spartan-IIs, your mind wandering towards the armour restraint you intend to use to complete your mission. You wonder why you only brought one…

The Swords of Sanghelios now have women fighting amongst their ranks. You hear them, but you do not see them. You wonder whether anything has really changed.

“The Reclamation has begun,” it is declared. But the Reclamation allegedly began 100,000 years ago. And it also began 8 months ago. It has apparently begun now. When did the Reclamation begin?

You remember a close friend who died to stop a megalomaniac from claiming the Mantle and subjugating the galaxy. You can recall the image of this person with perfect clarity, for 8 months have passed and you are fighting against a megalomaniac who seeks to claim the Mantle and subjugate the galaxy that wears her face.

You wonder what happened to the Janus Key. You wonder about the Absolute Record. You wonder about so many things - like why you are here, working with the people who spent the last 6 months trying to kill you. They don’t speak of it, like they don’t remember. You yourself can barely remember. How exactly did you end up here?

#made people watch the cutscenes and honestly. not as bad as i remember #i have infinite to compare it to

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

i'm sorry

#you are forgiven #the censoring helped

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

good lord

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #awful #halo shitpost #awfullllllllllll #zitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #augh #yeah

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

"I'm about to post a diagram in your notes" - Zita, seconds before disaster

#crab text #i avoid that lore. i avoid thinking about the logistics #this is so funny tho

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

sorry I love this painfully mid media so much I could throw up