HOW JOYOUS! i especially love how at the end Kiyo invites Keichi to go to the Shinshinkai, that means so much to me.
Family line
★≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺★
Kiyosumi was nauseous.
Additionally, he had the biggest hangover he's had in weeks, all because he had gone on a bender over the weekend.
So now, here he was, Monday afternoon, nauseous, lying on his futon, the nasty looking bedside table that functioned as a nightstand beside him starting to tremble as his phone that was laying screen down on the booze-stained wood began to vibrate.
Groaning in annoyance and clicking his tongue,the man picked up his phone,his brows furrowing causing deep wrinkles to set on his forehead as his eyes tried to focus on the bright white screen which irritated them, considering the rest of the room was bathed in darkness due to the man having closed his curtains before trying to take a nap.
"Whaddya want...?"
His voice was gruffy and clearly communicated even more than his rude words that he was in no mood to talk or even interact with anyone. Well, anyone other than his cat that was currently lying in her bed that stood next to his.
"Hello kiyo, how are you? Good? Great. Anyway, do you know what we're celebrating this Saturday?"
"No."
The person on the other end of the phonecall sighed a bit, before letting him know it was Keichi's birthday. Kiyosumi's brows furrowed even more as he told her he didn't care, his sister cutting him off before he could say anything more rude than that as she told him that they'd be celebrating at their mother's home.
"Look, neither I nor him expect you to bring a present but you're coming. Bye bye, see you Saturday!"
Before the Japanese man could protest, the older woman hung up the phone as kiyosumi resisted the urge to toss the smart device across his room, instead just slamming it down on the night table, as if to show his upset despite the fact that there was no one around to see it as he tried to snuggle back into bed.
But there was something stopping him.
He almost screamt in frustration as, additionally to the nausea and headache already plaguing him, a third, even more annoying and useless source of pain joined as he held his arms over his stomach. The dread he held for this Saturday caused a stomach ache to plague his already plagued body.
★≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺★
Kiyosumi wanted to die.
Not seriously, or at least not entirely seriously, but he didn't remember the last time he had felt so bad, so useless, so stupid so.... So weak.
He was often brushed off and disliked by many as just some cocky karateka asshole who was way too arrogant and needed to be taken down a notch, and while partially, it was true (He was both a karateka and an asshole after all), he was also incredibly insecure and, towards people he actually respected, oftentimes almost soft.
Like baki. In the begining, he had thought of the boy as some arrogant 17 year old, but now, things we're different. He admired the boy's ability to fight and his unbelievable strength. It was a bit similar to how he felt about Katsumi.
Sure, he was the grandmaster's son, and sometimes, too cocky to be likeable, but he was also an incredibly kind and strong man that Katou had long admired, and who astounded him when he asked for Katou to act as his master.
Of course Kiyosumi being Kiyosumi had acted as if it was no biggie, but in reality, he had been really proud of himself that Katsumi admired him enough to make him his master, even if it was just for short.
All this to say that Kiyosumi was by no means 100% some cocky asshole, he was often rude, but he had other moments too and he wasn't ashamed of that.
Right now though.... Right now he was ashamed. He had never done as horrible during training as he had now, it disgusted him and made him feel weak and he hated it.
He didn't even bother changing out of his gi, his apartment wasn't far and it was smer so he had only taken off his jacket while keeping on his wife beater that hugged his upper body tightly. Before he could leave however, Suredo peeked his head into the changing room, making Kiyosumi scoff as he didn't even make eye contact.
"Yoy wanna go out and get a beer?"
The large redhead asked as Katou looked like he was deep in thought before saying he had beer at home. Atsushi nodded slowly as Katou wanted to brush past him only to be stopped.
"You wanna drink at your place?"
An all too familiar need arose from deep within his brain as he huffed, but nodded, Atsushi following his 'comrade' to said man's apartment.
And then it began.
Soft, almost sensual kisses against eachother's faces and lips, necks and throats as Kiyosumi was seated on his dresser by Atsushi who's never ending sloppy, insecure but incredibly affectionate actions gave Kiyosumi some warming ease that separated him from the anxiety and that seemed to stop him from spiraling into what might've become a depressive episode.
Sure, mental issues were no simple thing easily stopped by a bit of affection, but this kind of affection at least caused his mind to be focused on other things than the dreaded feeling of weakness and uselessness.
And when he was pinned down on his futon, his muscular calves caging in Atsushi's waist, both him and the man currently working on bringing both of them closer and closer to release moaning and groaning, he only thought about that.
How good it felt, how warm he felt, how dizzy he was but how good even that felt. Even afterwards, when he was sticky with his own semen and smoking a cigarette, his mind was fairly calm, atsushi laying by his side, holding him.
It was pretty nice.
Kiyosumi would never say that, but he liked this, however, he was unusually needy and touchy in the moment, so Suedo understood him just fine, even without words.
And then, he raked his hands through katou's damp and sweaty hair, asking him what was going on in a surprisingly non-chalant way. Neither his caring and sweet actions, nor him asking was normal for this man, but Suedo couldn't help it.
Kiyosumi took a long drag of his cigarette before putting it out and rolling onto his side as Suedo huffed before hugging the black haired man close.
In the middle of the night, Kiyosumi just randomly woke up, turning his body which caused the sheets to shuffle with his muscular form as he looked at Suedo's sleeping face illuminated by the moonlight.
Biting his bottom lip, kiyosumi curled up again, all that peace of mind leaving as soon as he once again came to the realization of what he had done like how he did every.single.time.
God, kiyosumi felt so pathetic.
>≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺<
"Kiyosumi, I'm glad you came!"
Cringing at her high pitched voice, Kiyosumi gave his sister a soft glare before putting out his cigarette as the both of them headed into the house in front of them, the door opening upon his sisters ringing of the door bell.
"Oh dear, you two came! I'm glad!"
The short, frail looking woman said, smiling up at her children before gently cupping kiyosumi's face.
"My, what a handsome young man, you look just like your father-"
"Mom, let him get inside first."
Hana said, gently swatting at her mother's wrists, the woman nodding, releasing kiyosumi's face, the man clenching his jaw. He hated when his mother did that.
Both him and Hana took their shoes off, the black haired woman putting them away neatly just like him. He was good mannered when it came to certain things, after all.
Once inside, he handed off a messily wrapped gift to Keichi, wishing his younger brother a happy birthday as the young man beamed with joy, smiling at the man he admired.
God how Kiyosumi both hated and loved that stare.
He loved it because,especially when he and Keichi were younger, he always protected his little brother and just loved the way said boy's whole face would light up with admiration when he saw him. He'll yeah, he really was the world's coolest older brother, that's right Keichi, and don't you forget it! Call him strong again, go on, he really was insanely strong, wasn't he? Even if a certain grandmaster rarely acknowledged it.
It started in high school that he began disliking it deeply. Sure, he was still cocky about how strong he was like before, but now there were... Other things. His constant smoking, boozing, fucking, those were things he didn't want his younger brother to do.
Sure, they made Kiyosumi cool, (except for the last one, because this was before he would've ever tried having sex with men and he was incredibly awkward during and after sex with women since, well, he just wasn't really meant for it) but they could easily fuck up Keichi's life.
And then, after his first time having sex with another man (Probably someone from the dojo), he began absolutely fucking hating it. How could his little brother look at him with such admiration when he did something so shameful and wrong....?
It would've baffled anyone else to find out that Kiyosumi Katou hated being admired, since, at the dojo, he looooved whenever anyone even praised him and was generally pretty cocky, it even baffled Kiyosumi a bit now like he'd ever admit it, but it was probably because of their parents.
Kiyosumi came from a rather traditional family, A salary man father, a housewife mother and two siblings, his life could've been lived pretty normal. Except for the fact that his parents, despite their plain jobs and normal appearances behaved in ways that would surely cause at least some heads to turn.
Take his father for example; Hardworking salary man that used the weekend to unwind and go on camping or fishing trips, spending little time with his family, and when he did, usually just being a rather stoic, not very emotional man. He never really did much with Kiyosumi, other than occasionally taking an hour on a Sunday to teach him basic 'manly' skills, which to his father meant, teaching him mechanical things, maybe helping with mathematics homework and one time very reluctantly taking him out to fish.
His mother, whom most people pitied because they thought she was some poor, unloved housewife, was one of the most mentally unstable people he'd ever met, and while he partially felt bad for how his father treated her, he couldn't handle her outburst.
She could go from being overly affectionate, mainly physically, to the point it started freaking Kiyosumi out, to crying and screaming at them for the smallest slip up and just looking at them and treating them with disgust. Sometimes she'd just sit at the kitchen table, crying about why her husband didn't love her until Hana would just come up and try to escort her mother to the bedroom so the woman could sleep.
In those moments when his mother had her breakdowns, he felt bad for Keichi who was completely overwhelmed by all of this. Not like Kiyosumi ever did anything to comfort him, he'd just leave and go to the dojo or hang out with his delinquent buddies, but he felt bad, he truly did.
"Thank's Kiyo!"
Keichi cheered, clearly excited over the gift as Hana nodded with a small hum of surprise that her younger brother actually managed to get Keichi a gift. Kiyosumi just gave a curt nod before the four of them sat down for tea and cake, his mother smiling, her hands folded in her lap, the table next to her also set as he took in her appearance and realized she had dolled herself up a bit, wearing makeup and jewelry, her long black hair down instead of in its usual bun.
"Your father promised to join us later!"
She excitedly announced as Keichi smiled happily. Out of the three, he was the one who craved their parents attention the most. And while Hana tried to uphold at least basic communication and social interaction, Kiyosumi just completely ignored them.
"Now, how are you doing? Hana, have you found a boyfriend yet, because my friend, she has this son, around your age, you used to play together-"
"I have a girlfriend, mom. You've met Chiyo before, I don't need a boyfriend."
His mother frowned a bit.
"Hana,you can't possibly expect to be happy with a girl by your side. What about children,how will you have those?"
"We can adopt or maybe, I just don't want kids? Not every woman has to live that picket fence dream, you know that, right?"
The woman responded, clearly annoyed with her mothers old fashioned attitude as the woman told Hana not to paint her out to be the villain.
"I'm just worried, that's all, don't be mad at your mother for worrying!"
She said, her voice taking on the hurt one she always put on when she wanted to act like the victim. Kiyosumi hated it, but he just clicked his tongue slightly. Goddammit he needed a cigarette right now.
Then, his mother continued trying to make small talk, Keichi and Hana joining in, but Kiyosumi couldn't care less.
"Ah, Kiyo, how about you? You're doing so much of that karate, you've become such a good man, are there any cute girl's you're interested in?"
"No."
"Well, I suppose it's just like in middle school. All you cared about is that karate, I guess that means there's no space in your life."
His mother chuckled.
"But I know this other woman, her daughter is such a good girl, I'm sure you two would be a perfect pair! Why don't I give you her number, hmm? Or even better, she could come over and-"
"No. I'm not interested-"
"Oh don't be like that, I'm sure once you meet her-"
"Mom, I said I'm not-"
"But you can't be happy with just that karate! A young man like you should experience love, you should kiss and go on dates and-"
Kiyosumi clicked his fingers against his thigh, clearly starting to get annoyed, but before he could scream at her, Keichi interrupted them both.
"I-I met somebody too!"
Silence.
Kiyosumi raised a brow at his younger brother's flustered behaviour before the boy spoke up again.
"They're really kind and sweet and I wanted to maybe...introduce them to you today-"
"They're? Do you mean she?"
Kiyosumi scoffed as Hana elbowed him in the side and Keichi froze over.
"Uhmm...I..."
"That's wonderful news, I'm sure she's a lovely girl! Why didn't you tell me about her earlier?"
"Because it's not a girl."
Hana smacked Kiyosumi over the back of the head at this statement,the man just glaring at her as her mother looked at Keichi in confusion.
"Keichi, she's a girl, right?"
"Yes..."
He sounded like he wanted to add something,but he didn't,kiyosumi's dark eyes picking up on how his younger brother let his nails sink into his thighs.
And then, just as Keichi seemed to reach a certain determination to speak up again, the front door opened, which seemed to turn their mother into a whole different person as she rushed to the door to greet her husband and kiyosumi scoffed while Hana squeezed Keichi's hand under the table.
"It's fine if it's not a girl Keichi."
"It is a girl!"
The young man's insistance made his statement seem less true, but Kiyosumi couldn't care less. Or at least that's what he told himself.
Once his father and mother entered the room again, what ensued was the worst dinner Kiyosumi had ever had, but despite his uncaring attitude,he could tell it was worse for Keichi.
Fiddling with his fingers, the boy seemed overly anxious to say something that never made it past his lips, and Kiyosumi kind of wanted to tell him to man up and say something, but he refrained. Why should he care?
Eventually,the pressure seemed to wear him down enough so that he finally spoke.
"I'm not...I don't feel like Keichi anymore. Now that I'm eighteen, I think I can finally say it with certainty."
Kiyosumi quirked a brow.
"The hell you mean, you don't feel like Keichi anymore?"
He asked, his mother looking at Keichi and his father between short, worried glances.
"What are you saying sweetheart-"
"I'm not a man. I don't feel like a man."
And once again during the short time the five of them had been together in the tidy living room, there was silence.
"Oh, that's perfectly normal, congratulations on coming out-"
"So, what, you're a crossdresser? A ladyboy?"
His father's words were disgusted both in tone and what he chose to say as he wiped his mouth with his paper towel before getting up.
"Darling, please, I'm sure he didn't- K-Keichi, you don't mean it, yeah? You mean, you're a bit feminine, right? You're still my son, right?"
Kiyosumi just looked at Keichi in confusion. This was... Was Keichi Transgender?
He had heard of that, probably from Katsumi or something.
It was almost a bit funny to Kiyosumi if he was honest to himself, that both of his parents were so old fashioned and homophobic, and his sister was a lesbian, he was, though he'd never openly admit it, gay, and his little brother turned out to not be a brother at all.
"No it's nothing like that, I'm not... I'm not a crossdresser or anything. I don't feel like a guy or a girl I just-"
Keichi was babbling,cleaely sweaty as keichi tried explaining keichi's feelings.
"Oh, you're non binary, that's completely normal!"
Hana assured Keichi who, in all of Keichi's panic looked at Kiyosumi for help.
There it was.
That look they had always given him when their mother had a break down.
Sadly for Keichi, Kiyosumi still wasn't one for comforting, so he grumbled something about smoking, getting up and going outside as Hana looked after him in disappointment while she tried comforting Keichi.
Their mother was a sobbing mess at this point,asking the world how she deserved this, begging Keichi to say they were joking and to apologize to their father.
Meanwhile, Kiyosumi was standing outside, having a smoke, Hana eventually leaving, screaming at their mother how insensitive she was and whatever, brushing right past Kiyosumi, Keichi stumbling out until they stood by their brother's side.
"Kiyo... Is there something wrong with me?"
Oh god keichi shouldn't be so vulnerable around Kiyosumi. The Japanese man took a long, maybe even too long, drag of his cigarette before staring at Keichi.
"I don't know man."
Upon Keichi's crying, Kiyosumi lazily wrapped an arm around Keichi, before telling them not to listen to their mother.
"Look I won't... I won't pretend to be super supportive or whatever. I don't care if you're my brother or sister or whatever,we never hang out anyway."
He put his cigarette out on the wall, right next to him before just staying quiet as Keichi sobbed into his chest.
This was part of why he didn't want Keichi to look up to him.
Part of him believed that what he hated most about himself, who he loved and who he was had influenced Keichi like this and he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty.
And yet, he also felt jealous. His younger sibling, who had always looked up to him had managed to tell both of their pparents something like that, while Kiyosumi still hid that he wasn't interested in women one bit out of sheer and utter fear. How pathetic.
"W-Will they hate me now...?"
Keichi sniffled and Kiyosumi shrugged.
"Yeah. But who cares anyway."
Keichi's crying increased as Kiyosumi said something that shocked him even more than it did Keichi.
"Why don't you come to the shinshinkai with me?"
He wasn't even sure why he said it, maybe because he had found comfort in the dojo?
Maybe because he saw doppo and natsue as better alternatives to his parents? He had no idea. But before he could take the words back, Keichi spoke.
"I'd really love that."
Well fuck.
Now he couldn't take it back.
But, he thought, maybe it'd be fine. Maybe they'd have a good time, maybe Kiyosumi could feel good and like not so much of a disappointment with his younger sibling there to admire him.
Yeah, he liked that idea, so much so, it managed to make him smile a bit, so much so that it managed to make his stress and anger momentarily melt away as for the first time in years, he felt like an actual good, respectable older brother.
He liked it a lot.
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