qualityempathshoebear

[qualityempathshoebear]

liking a boy is so exhausting

[qualityempathshoebear]

Am I really that unmemorable?

Yesterday I found out that ceaser salad had apprently told my friend that he CANNOT remember me? Im sorry WHAT?! YOU LITERALLY STARED AT ME A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO. Now I dont really want to talk to him anymore. I dont know, I just feel so fucking stupid now.

[qualityempathshoebear]

Adventure time

Hiiii, so I thought I would share a little adventure I recently went on. My friend from primary school (who I would always go on crazy adentures with - we once walked from shore to an island in the ocean with water up our necks, no, im not jokin-) recently came to England because her host family was coming to some sort of board game convention. Luckily for me, this board game cinvention was in a town only an hour away. I was so excited to meet her and told my parents all about it, and because they are controlling people who cant let me live my life they told me I couldnt go. And came up with some shitty excuse regarding her mother.

Its safe to say that i did not listen. If there is one thing ive learned from my friend, its that you never give up an oppourtinty for a crazy adventure. I lied to my parents and told them I was going to the library, took my schoolbag and ID, bought tickets for the bus and left. The bus ride was honestly so amazing and the views were just chefs kiss.

I got off the bus at around 9 and met her for the first time in about 5 years. She looked exaclty the same it was honestly so surprising. We sat at a cafe and ate cakes, went on a walk around the cute town, checked out a bunch of second hand stores and took lots of pictures. We gossiped, caught up and even made future plans for travels together. I bought us friendship bangles and she bought us thongs and a bras for when we go on raves in the future (that is so her!). Weve also both come to the conclusion that we dont like the UK and both want to leave ASAP.

I wont lie, it was a bit awkward at the start. I dont think we really knew what to say to eachother since it had been so long and we both had become such different people but I think it got less awkward as we spent more time together. I think if we had more time, we would have been exactly like we were 5 years ago.

She is one of those people you never forget, the kind of person who created core memories for you and put you in the craziest of situations at the craziest places.

Much much much love! And until next time :)

[qualityempathshoebear]

God, thats ironic!

Hey, so I just wanted to pop on here and say some random stuff. God im so obsessed with that boy. I actually think its time to be institutionalized. I recently found found out that caeser salad and I have a mutual friend. I dont know how well they know eachother but at least weve got that connection. Also me and the girl that initially met him are going to give him dirty looks (sarcastically) and then smile at him. I dont know, maybe ill get to talk to him again. God, I really hope so!

Also yeah, im done with religion. I always was but I just wanted to repeat it. My own mother just compared me to one of my friends, and said my friend (and everyone else who is religous for that matter) was better than me, and that shed always DO better than me. I honestly DO NOT CARE ANYMORE. Like please shut the fuck up. Im moving out in no time. Maybe then you can adopt a perfectly religious and smart daughter that you can love.

Well anywyas. Bye Bye, until next time!

[qualityempathshoebear]

Random recent thoughts + Storytime

I think im obsessed with ceaser salad even tho we havent spoken since that one time. Ive seen him around college soooo often (somtimes even multiple times in a day) but i havent spoken to him and he hasnt spoken to me. Ive honestly been avoiding him. But there was this one time, when i was waiting for my friend who was talking to some people she knew, when he came up to talk to those same people and we made eye contact. It was honestly so intense so i just looked awayb quickly, it was honestly just very "strong"(?). Like i honestly dont know how to decribe it, it was the first time hed looked into my eyes since that one time and it was ok.. a lot. Ive been actively avoiding him since (but also lowkey seeking his attention lol?). Im pretty sure he has this asian girlfriend but im not so sure. I saw him today tho, i totally forgot that he has a diamond pirecing in his one ear (i think its his left ear?). honestly hes not typically my type at all but he just gets more handsome every time i see him, and something inside of me just hurts. I almost wish id just taken the bus that day, instead of walking side-by-side with him. I just need to stop being obssesed. Its not healthy but i do wonder if he found me beautiful that first time we met, and if he still does. I can bet so much money that hes not into black girls tho.

Im really scared of failing. Failing exams, failing my potential, failing myself. I need to do well on these CAPs but i ahvent even started seriously studying for them and theyre a little over a week away. I dont want to let myself down but i just dont know what to do.

STORYTIME:

Ahhh ive totally forgotten to tell you this, but a few weeks ago (maybe 2) this drunk man hit on me while I was walking back from the library with my friend after "studying" (I wasnt productive). He started off the interaction by singing "my love life is so boring" while holding two green bottles of alcohol (not sure if thats something he made up or if its an acual song) to which I replied with "same" (in a singsong manner because duuuh). He asked me if I had a boyfriend, I told him "no" and he then went on to say that he could be my boyfriend. I just laughed a little and told him I was 17 but he quickly interjected and said "Im 19, its only a 2 year difference" (this man looked 20-21). He touched my back, twice. And idk.. the physical touching was kind of nice but obvously he was a stranger. I think im honestly just touch starved. Anyway continuing on with the story. I think he asked where I was going because I told him I was going home. The last thing I remember happening was him asking if he could come with me, me saying no, and then being dragged away by my friend. So theres that. Another cute little main character moment.

ps. my hisotory teacher wrote that my research notes were "fantastic!!"

All my love, until next time!

[qualityempathshoebear]

2023 reflection (thank god its over)

A year finishes and another comes right around the corner, eh? No but seriously, 2023 was not a good year overall. I mean, sure, there were some wins here and there which im happy about but the circustances i found myself under throughout this year was just not it. I will say this tho: i am really proud of myself for surviving this hell of a year when i at many points in time didnt think i would. Its been a year where ive spent my times worrying, stressing, and feeling lonely in the hell place 2.0, but also a year of improvement where ive gone to college and met so many new lovely people. Its been a year of letting people who arent good for me go (and sure, i can get better at this) as well as reflecting and learning from past mistakes. Some wins from this year include: surviving hell place 2.0, getting into the college and courses I wanted, passing CAP 1s (plus, getting pretty decent grades as a starting point), and most recently; getting selected for a program and a free trip to Poland.

2024 is going to be one of the most important years of my life. This is the year that decides what uni I go to, and you better bet your last dollar ill be going to a damn good one! Im going to work my ass of like no tomorrow to make sure i get what i want. I havent done all ive done, and lost all ive lost, for nothing. Ill make every last sacrifice count. 2024 is the year I stop worrying about boys or drama. It doesnt serve me, and sure as hell wont give me the results I need for uni. Work hard now, play harder later. Im only here for less than two years before leaving, so the grades I leave with is what counts. Effort, self-improvement and Hope are the words which will describe 2024.

Happy new years! I look forward to updating you <3

Pssttt! I totally forgot to say this, but you remember those 2023 goals? yeah no, they didnt happen. Except for maybe the books (i read 35!) and the nails (at some point).

My 2024 goals are:

-Read at least 35 books, gain weight, clear my skin, study every chance I get (at least 3 hours a day), get a minimum of 1520 on my SAT, get predicted (minimum) A*A*A, workout once a week, and drink 2L of water a day.

[qualityempathshoebear]

Obsession Session (As promised)

Ok so let me show you how delusional i am by telling you as much as i can remember about the boy. Ill call him ceaser salad for now. So basically, me, him, and my friend from sociology talked and laughed, and even played heads and tails together. Once the open-evening was over he headed out before us, and me and my friend went to say bye to our teacher. My friend got picked up by her dad and I decided to go to my busstop down in town, I passed by the busstop closest to the school and figured I would get on the bus to take me to town rather than walking down, but for some reason I decided to not get on the bus. I dont know if it was because I had seen ceaser salad in front of me or because i simply didnt feel like it. But the point is that i didnt get on the bus. I walked up to him instead. We stood next to eachother at the crossing stop light and waited for the sign to turn green. Two girls came up behind us and i used it as an excuse to turn my head and pretend like I had just noticed him standing there.

We gave eachother weird looks and then he began talking to me, or maybe i did to him? I cant remember. Regardless, we were talking. He poked fun at my accent any chance he got, told me I was smart, and even made fun of me for waiting on green lights before crossing the road (as if he hadnt stood and waited there himself; which makes the delusional side of my brain think he was waiting for me). We talked about movies and i told him about how scary movies were my favourite. I feel like he was constantly fliring with me, but i dont know if im just delusional. When we got to another road crossing thingy (I have no clue what theyre cllaed) I told him to "click the button" so we could cross, to which he stopped in his tracks in front of it and said "what do you say after that?". It took me a moment to realise what he meant so we said "please" at the same time. He then clicked the button and said "there are your manners". I just responded with scoffed chuckle. THAT SURE FEELS LIKE FLIRTING TO ME. We then walked for a while longer and he asked if i drank, I told him "not really" and asked if he did, he said he drinks but only on "special occasions", whatever that means. I asked if he vaped, he said he didnt, and i told him i would have bullied him if he did. We then saw the aftermath of a car crashing into a pole by mcdonalds, and I said "thats what happens when you dont wait for the light to turn green before crossing" he then very sheepishly responded "no, thats what happens when you cant fucking drive". He then stopped by the scene because he said he was planning on "being nosy" to which i obviously scolded him for inserting himself into peoples car-crashes. He asked if i was turning left, I said yes. I waved bye to him, although im not sure if he did the same, and then we parted ways. I only then realised I hadnt gotten his socials, but I feel like he would have asked me if he wanted mine. To be fair, if he had asked me after we parted, i wouldnt have been able to hear him over the noise. I havent been able to get him out of my head and its honestly ruining my mood, because I know ill probably never see him on camous again and even if i did i doubt hed talk to me or is even thinking of this encounter the way I am. I feel like he maybe just has a flirty personality because he was kind of like that when we were hanging out with my friend. Ugh I just need to forget about him, but I honestly hope he lowkey is thinking about me too. I wasnt wearing any makeup (not even mascara), and my hair was fucked and matted, there is just no way he actually likes me. UGHHH this is so annoying. Anyways ill end this here because ill just hate myself if i keep thinking about this, plus ive got exams coming up i cant be thinking about this. Byeeee.

[qualityempathshoebear]

College Updatessss

Hey Hey Hey!

Ive been in college (not uni) for almost 2 months and im honestly loving it. Ok, "loving it" is a crazy statement for school, but i honestly am loving it. I love all my subjects although i did dislike law at first, but now i find it super interesting. Most of the people ive met are super nice and ive made quite a few friends. People always ask if im American because of my accent and its honestly the funniest thing. Although when I respond that i went to an international school it lamost feels like im bragging and im not trying to, so its just a little uncomforable.

Im super good friends witha girl i met on the ND taster day and we talk almost evert day. I still hang out with the girls from the hell place 2.0 because theyre honestly super lovely but i doubt were going to stay friends after school. As for boys, i havent really had any massive crushes recently, but ive seen some cute boys here and there. Actually, this past thursday (19.10.23), me and my friend from sociology volunteered to represent the law department at the college open day, and we basically met this boy. I dont know much about him, other than where hes from and (kinda) his name, but im lowkey a little obsessed with him. Hes not nessecarly my type physically but his personality is just *chefs kiss*. Hes super sarcastic, mean and funny at the same time. I actually ended up walking to the busstop with him, but ill tell you the whole story in a seperate post.

[qualityempathshoebear]

Boy X (not to be confused with the playlist)

Today I had my other college taster day, and I have to admit I thought it was going to be really bad considering a bunch of the morley kids were going to go there. But, oh boy do I have some tea!

So, let me draw a scenario for you. Youre sitting at a table with six (or so) seats with three of them being occupied by yourself and two of your friends. Now imagine your other friend who is standing asks you to kindly watch her things while she gets some food, and ofcourse you say yes. Just as your friend puts down her bag for you to watch, a boy grabs the back of the chair and says something to you, something you cant quite catch. Asumming he asked if he could take the chair, you say "yes, sure". Well youre wrong, what he actually asked was wether or not he could sit there. So the boy does as he is told, and asits down... next to you. Then, out of nowhere, two of his friends sit down on the remaining chairs (one of which you never realised was sitting there until your friend told you about him after the entire ordeal had concluded). This is when he asks what school you came from, you know, normal conversation starters. Until out of nowhere the boy asks you if you have snapchat. Out of shock you stare at him and say "no", while your phone screen is brighlty lit on the table, with snapchat opened up. You realise this, but hope he doesnt. You then tell him youre muslim (not that youre religious or anything, as you already know, but just to get him away, although youre not sure if you actually want him to leave) to which he says "mashallah, me to". Excuse me what....? *insert confused crying emoji*. He also said he was "looking for a wife" (or something aling those lines). He then asks for you snap again, and you say "No". This is when his friends say "ok, lets go" presumably out of embarrasement for him. Im sorry to break this to you, but this actually happened to me today (note the date: 11.07.23), and I honestly dont know what to think. I wont lie and say I didnt like the the attention and that it boostedmy ego, but I just wish I would have been more aware of the situation so i could let him down nicer wihtout only answering "no". Although in my defence I was in shock. Bless his heart for trying tho.

I think I crave attention, but I know deep down he was definetly just a player looking for whores, and the fact that he continued after I used the muslim excuse, really shows his true motives. My friend said he kept tying to get my attention and that he was probably obsessed with me now becasue I rejected him. The delulu side of brain can kind of belive the last part considering he looked so shocked to be rejected.

Anyways there you go, there was my little "main character" moment. Until next time!

[qualityempathshoebear]

Heres to a brighter future!

Heyyyaa!

Lets get the boring stuff out of the way first, before I tell you about whats gotten myso excited. Ive graduated from the hellish school (yay for that!) and finished all my exams. I dont know how I did, but I honestly dont care. I studied for most of the tests, so if I dont do well, then at least iIl know ive given it a deasant amount of effort.

I had my taster day for a school in the city this week and it was honestly amazing. It was soooo much better than the school I went to (which isnt very hard to beat), and everyone was so talkative and nice. I even feel like I made a few friends, it was great! A girl that I met and talked to first (a round of applause for me) even added me on snapchat! Im hoping that my other taster day, which I have next week, for another school turns out to be just as good. Also I know this isnt very appropriate to say-but its you so its ok- but there were sooooo many hot guys. I know I cant date, but there is nothing wrong with a little eyecandy, and besides, if I secretly started dating someone at school, I could probably get away with it!

Onto a the issue regarding my sister that I told you about last time. I think its been fixed, at least thats what it seems like. Theres going to be a 45 day investigation, but after that they wont be bothering us anymore.

Heres the thing ive been dying to tell you. I dodn twant to go into too much detail because it hasnt been completly comfirmed and i really dont want to jinx this for my dad, but he has a very big chance of getting a job at his dream company, in a completly new country. Which im honestly very grateful for because I honestly hate this place. Im ready to be around an international comunity were people are welcoming and not fucking horrible. Im so ready. So if I move, I wont have to go to school anymore in this god forsaken country.

Also, youre going to be so proud of me for this, ive been drinking 2L of water (almost) everyday for the past week or so! Ive also been reading a lot! Ive read 3 books since the start of summer break and finished up 3 books that I started in the past but never finished. This week im planning on reading st least 4 books!

Im also going to Qatar this summer so im very excited about that. Im planning on reading "the nightingale" by Kristin Hannah on the plane since I have a physical copy of the book. And then ill just read on my kindle app on my phone for the rest of the flight.

Ill try to keep you updated in the summer if anyhting more happens, but for now....

Hugs and kisses!

Ps: This isnt something I really feel like talking about so ill just leave it here; my uncle was sent to the front lines of the war in my home country. I cant rememebr if I mentioned anything to you about it, but there you go.

[qualityempathshoebear]

Fuck and Fucked

Well then, a lot has happened, some good things some bad. Ill update you.

Lets start with the good first, i have my last exam tomorrow (geo and physics) and then I never have to see these fuckers again. Very exciting, right? I have to say that I am thankful that my last couple of week of school havent been hell -I mean, they werent enjoyable but definetly not hell. Severly awkward and uncomfortable, yes, but hellish? No. Im so grateful to the girl group that took me in and made verything more bearable. I wouldnt have gotten through it without them, thats for sure. I have actually laughed-cried a couple of times with them aswell. Theyre great people that deserve great things.

Onto the bad. Yesterday my mom called me before i got home to tell me to meet her in the downstairs bedroom/livingroom/study area. She told me my sister had complained about our dad to CPS and accused him of abuse. She is so dumb. He gets andry sometimes, but he is not abusive. Im honestly so stressed by all of this and I feel this panic and anxiety heaving at my chest. She is so stupid. Does she not understand that dad could be charged, and all of us could be removed from our family. She is so fucking selfish. I talked to her and told her to fix it and she said she would but the worst part is that she isnt even bothered or regretfull at all. She is risking our livelihood and reputation for absoluly nothing. Its dusgusting. My parents have completely given up on her and my dad isnt even angry at her, in fact he is so sick of her he hasnt spoken to her at all. If this goes forward, dad could lose his job and this abuse charge could go on his permenant record and then he cant get a job abroad and move. He (we) would be stuck here, as a criminal.

Im being nice to her now, to keep her in check, and insure that she fixes this. But after this is over, I highly doubt me or anyone else in the family will speak to her again, especially dad.

Despite my problems with my family, they are all i have left. If I lose this too, I will be truly alone, and I dont think I can handle that.

Ps. I know this is silly to say considering the circumstances, but the boy with the same name as that of a south American country (except spelled with a different first letter) stopped talking to me and unfollowed me from instgram a while ago.

Also another unrelated update, my dad started applying to jobs again so hopefully we can move, if this CPS thing gets resolved.

Edit: I just found out that she told her math teacher, who just so happens to be my form tutor, and I have to see him tomorrow morning and all I can do is pretend like I dont know that he knows. I honestly feel so defeated. I just want to die. Luckily, its just 1 more day. Just tomorrow, and then im done for good.

Much love!

[qualityempathshoebear]

Divorce..... right...

[qualityempathshoebear]

VERY quick update

Heyyyyy,

So listen, I have to make this quick but Ill catch you up a little bit. Ok so basically, school hasnt been that bad, im surviving. Im not nessecerarly happy but im not miserable. Ill pass these fucked exams, and dip out of here. Ive more or less accepted that I wont be moving anywhere, but I will have hope ofc. Im doing pretty good in all of my subjects so far and gym has honestly not been too bad either. Im socialising a little bit more as well. Some of the people here are a lot nicer than I had anticipated. Im so excited for this summer, I just cant wait. Oh and I may or may not be talking to a certain polish boy. If youre reading this in the future, his name is very similar to that of a South American country (only with a slightly different first letter). I think hes getting sick of me tho, we will probaly stop talking by the end of the week.

Loveeee, Me.

[qualityempathshoebear]

Someone is praying on my fucking downfall

I have been forced to return to hell -oops I mean school. And better yet, they changed my form. So when I was escorted to my new form, a girl from my gym class and a girl from my science class pleasently surprised me.... by laughing at me... to my face. Yippy. Dad has also stopped applying for jobs and is saying he "doesnt wnt to move anymore", as if this isnt the first time weve moved abroad (apart from sudan but he wasnt even with us so idek what hes talking about)

Also guess who has gym this wednesday. Great. Fuck my life

[qualityempathshoebear]

Creeping in...

I think I might be getting depressed again. All this time alone. Its leaving me with a lot of time to think. Dont get me wrong, I would rather be here than at school, but I really need to find something to subsitute all the time I would be spending in class. I think I want to buy a keyboard and learn to play the piano. And hey! Maybe ill even throw in a workout or two, you know... for good measure.

Im starting to second-guess myself. I just need to trust myself.

[qualityempathshoebear]

2022, a crashing rollercoaster

Hey you,

its been a while. Ok yeah, maybe a little more than "a while". The year is over, and i think its time to reflect. But first, let me catch you up on everything thats happened since I last came on here.

Im still in Leeds, and will realistically stay here until I leave for University. Youre probably wondering what happened, why im not in Singapore. Well... my dads job didnt think he had enough experience, so what was supposed to be a delay, turned into a cancellation. So I have basically had to go to a school i wasnt supposed to be at in the first place, for a whole half-year. It was absolutly horrible and I had no friends. There were three (sometimes four) nice girls who I would sit with during snack and lunch. But it was almost always just us sitting in silence or me going on the computer in front of me, so I didnt look like an absolute fucking loser. I would go on VG and read the news every day and must have looked like such a loner to the people behind me. The girls were nice, but I didnt feel like we ever got to know eachother, I felt so fake the entire time.

And dont get me fucking started on the morning forms. I fucking hated coming in there just to sit in awkward silnce while staring ahead. And those horrible meditation sessions that the form tutor would do. I would just sit there with my hands in my lap, hoping for it to end. The girl sitting next to me was nice tho. I think she could tell I wasnt enjoying myself. I can honestly say I had no friends in that place, and that it was single-handedly the worst school experience I had ever had. And I know parts of it was my fault. I wasnt willing to make friends because everything felt so temporary. Even being in England still does. But wait, why are you talking in past tense? Im happy you asked. You see, I begged my dad to send an email to IB headquarters and ask to get the official copy of my diploma so I can apply directly into college (Englands equivalnce to highschool), without having to take their middle school exam (because fuck that!). And it luckily arrived on the last day of chistmas break... so I dropped out.

The plan now is that im going abroad to stay with my aunt until september, because I honestly just cant deal with staying in this horribly sad country. Everything about it is sad. The weather, the food, the disgustinly chlorinated water, the people, the buildings, even their fucking buildings are sad. I just cant fucking deal with it, It so similair to back home. No, its ven worse here. What was even the point of moving.

I have been so incredibly stressed because of the whole situation and its really taken a tole on me. I have had so much anxiety, to the point where I cant even sleep at night without panicking. Im constantly tired, I have lost so much weight, I have a breast infection in both my breasts (to be fair, I did have it before coming here), im depressed, and honestly, a little sui*idal.

To make matters worse, my parents have become religous freaks. And its definelty not helping that my mom has befriended some super religous woman, with the same background as us. Theyre making me do some weird post-menstruation shower ritual every fucking month (yes, theyve been tracking my period, gross!). Dont get me wrong, I dont actually end up doing them. I protest for a while and then I lie and pretend like ive done it. Around two weeks ago my dad came to my room to tell me to do the ritual, and I told him I couldnt because I was sick (and i actually was). Long story short, he didnt believe me and started yelling at me. I told him he was pressuring me into becoming religious. He freaks out and basically threatens me and pushes me (at some point even yanking my phone out of my hands, saying hes going to take it from me). All this while my mom watches and doesnt do anything besides saying my dads name and grabbing his arm every now and them. She even left at some point, but made sure to come back to gaslight and guiltrip me. I told her that if anyone touched me ever again I would call the cops immidielty. I havent really spoken to dad since. Its honestly really strained the relationship with my parents, and its making me realise that we will never have a normal relationship. In some ways I wish I could just be religous so I could save myself the anger, stress, and constant fighting with my parents. But whenever I give the idea further thought, I cringe. Even religion is ruined for me because of them. I feel that I shouldnt be religous, as revenge. The only way I could ever see myself becoming religous, is if I married a muslim man, and he helped me heal from all this fucking trauma. But I dont think I will do that. The only upside is that he wouldnt leave me, because of the stigma of divorce in muslim communities. But heck, I honestly just want to be loved. As gross and sappy as that sounds.

This year was supposed to be filled with laughs, new starts, new frienships, money, and much more. And instead I got none of it. I dont know, maybe this is what I deserve. Its safe to say that 2022 was my worst year yet. There were some highs, but mostly lows. Real fucking lows.

Im honestly just happy that I get to leave this wet-red brick country (even if its just temporarly), and hopefully in the meantime, my dad will get a job somewhere else so we can leave. If not, University is my only way out.

Now youre pretty much all cought up with whats worth to be cought up on. Before I leave, Ill share my new years resolutions and what I hope to focus on in 2023.

New years resolutions:

-Drink 2L of water a day, Gain weight, Workout once a week, Grow finger and toe nails, start daily journal, Grow hair and repair hairline, Get a new hobby, Grow eyebrows and eyelashes, Read 3 books, Solve Cains Jawbone, Clear skin, and to watch a musical live.

And in 2023 I hope to repair (as much as possible) my mental and physical health.

That would be all for now, until next time! <3

[qualityempathshoebear]

End of Summer Update

Hey,

I hope youve been well. Its the first of september, 2022, and its currently 04:44. Im listening to sad music so i can feel something. Anything. Its working a little but so far ive only cried about the fact that i dont belive in magic anymore. Oh and hey, I start school in 8 days.

I dont know if that is very important so ill just hopp right into it. Here is where things left off since I last wrote here; I graduated middle school, removed some of my friends from social media (plus grew apart from others), and temporarily moved to Leeds (dont worry ill explain later.) Also here is a little boy update: Ive been dreaming about him at night and I honestly dont know what I really feel. All i know is that im not over him. And that its more than a crush but less than love. I know its not love because it feels to awkward to write. I will hopefully be over him soon.

As for the explaination as to why I am in leeds, I will keep it short. Basically my dads job doesnt think he has enough animal surgery experience to send him to Singapore yet, so we have to stay in leeds til December-January. I was really distraught and stressed about it at first but now im ok (still a little sad about it ofc), but I know were moving there so im not going to worry myself over it anymore. Ive been thinking I might have to do IBDP next year and not this year (since they dont have it here, and i would be loosing 6 months of classes, which would put me ta a major disatvantage for the exams), but i dont mind since I would still be graduating at the same time as other teens my age in Norway. Also me and my BFF stayed in touch all this summer, so I think we will continue to do so in the future. Today she said something really sweet to me over the phone. She told me she didnt think she would ever have another friend that would understand her as much as I do. I feel the same towards her. She is truly the best friend. A little problematic but i still love her <3.

Speaking of friends, I called that old friend I told you about a while ago, the one I didnt think I would stay in touch with. I called her to see if she was alive (since she completely deleted social media, and her and her mother werent responding to anyones messages), it was clear that she didnt really want to be talking to me. Im not mad tho. I understand it. To be honest i dont think i realistically want to stay in touch with her. She is a completely new person, with a new life (and a new accent?) so ill leave her to it. So you will most likely never hear of her again.

This is very random but ive been worrying about some things recently so i thought I would write them here to get them of my chest. Current stressers/insecurities: My neck (the length and shape), My weight (I feel like im too skinny), My hair (my hairline is receding and im getting bald spots), my skin (I have so much hyperpigmentation on my face). Now that im writing them down they sounds kind of silly, but oh well!

Its starting to get messy so ill leave it here for now...

Much Love, Me <333