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It's been one year(-ish) since the series of really, no-good, horrible bad things. It's been quite the journey and a struggle. A constant battle of confidence and the lack of. To be frank, it was quite shit getting to where I am now. So much therapy, so many sessions crying as I tried to convey how I felt to those I hoped I could still trust. I've had to learn how to value myself again, how to allow myself to be valued. To find fault in the logic behind how other's decided to perceive me because it was. But also acknowledging the small points where, yes, I could have done better.

I don't have a big moral or revelation to share from this. It's been a really personal journey and while I don't think the people who caused me such massive harm are terrible people, I don't ever really want to interact with them again. It hurt to much for them to discard me the first time and I can't trust them to not repeat their actions. They've lost my trust, probably forever.

But I have learned how to be kinder to others and to myself. To take a deep breath and offer the benefit of the doubt, to be patient and leave a door open for those that need time for themselves.

On a more positive note, while I haven't been active in said fandom, I do wish so many of the people I have met there so much good will and I am silently cheering you on even if I haven't been mentally ready to participate vocally again and I will never be able to in the same spaces I used to. Additionally, I'm going to try to take some time to work on one of my WIPs that have been haunting me and maybe, just maybe, I'll have more stories to share. :)

#personal #personal bullshit #personal fandom drama I guess #being ousted from a group of friends really does a number one one's self-esteem

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ACNH museum ~

check out my shop ~

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at the roost ☕️

animal crossing art in 2024? these are such comfort characters for me so I want to draw more of them! I'm thinking of drawing Kicks next maybe!

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A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

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Find the light within — survive.

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