racingtoaredlight
Racing To A Red Light
RTARL is the World's Most Internet Website.
9382 posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
failed-version-of-both
failed version of both
tired-and-depressedhoe
F u c k i n g h o e
corriamoconilvento
honestly idgaf
yohberry
Yohberry
Text
Opening Bell: April 26th, 2024
Americans aren't crankin' out babies like we used to.
"Throwflame, an Ohio-based flamethrower manufacturer, has released what it says is the first-ever robot dog with a flamethrower attached for remote firestarting." Well, now I know what to ask for this Christmas.
It really is a shame that customers have no real recourse when their drug dealer screws them over with a bad batch.
At first, I was like "How could this zoo have not known that their 'male' hippo was actually a lady?", but then I asked myself if I'd be willing to get anywhere near a hippo's junk for an inspection and the answer was "Absolutely not."
Finally, in news that is obviously not the least bit surprising to me, personally: beards are sexy.
youtube
0 notes
Text
Closing Bell: April 25th, 2024
youtube
youtube
0 notes
Text
Closing Bell: April 24th, 2024
youtube
Well, this was an upsetting way to learn that Amanda Seyfried has chosen not to display ANY of the paintings of us together I've made and sent to her.
0 notes
Text
Closing Bell: April 23rd, 2024
youtube
This thief needs to be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
0 notes
Text
Opening Bell: April 23rd, 2024
Apparently, culinary geniuses in Santa Monica, California can be arrested for the crime of radical innovation.
Doctors in Australia are asking victims of venomous bites to please stop catching the offending creatures and bringing them with them to the hospital.
A Brazilian woman has been sentenced to 14 weeks in jail for sending Harry Styles 8,000 cards in less than a month, which is too harsh if they were Topps, and not harsh enough if they were Panini.
Finally, I was never on the "baseball games are too long" train, but even I have to admit that 23 innings is too much baseball.
youtube
0 notes
Text
Closing Bell: April 22nd, 2024
youtube
I friggin' love Tombstone.
0 notes
Text
Opening Bell: April 22nd, 2024
Several recent studies suggest that a far more creatures than we ever realized are actually sentient beings with some form of consciousness and emotion.
The moon gets grunion all kinds of worked up.
It's not a good idea to let non-medical professionals shoot you up with "Botox."
LIVE FREE OR AND DIE (of completely preventable disease)!
Finally, when I was growing up we'd usually have neighborhood-wide snowball fights of varying sizes several times each winter. Inevitably, there'd always be one kid who at some point would load an ice chunk into a snowball and paste someone with it, ruining the vibes for everyone. Anyway, this is like a 100x worse version of that.
youtube
0 notes
Text
RTARL 2024 NFL MOCK DRAFT
The NFL Draft starts this upcoming Thursday in Detroit. In a historical oddity the Lions don’t even have a top 10 pick. So, without further ado, here is RTARL’s official mock draft.
You stupid draft. You look like a dumbass. Did your mother buy you those shoes? Nice bowl cut you piece of shit draft. Good luck not being a total bust, asshole. You’re the lamest draft of all time.
0 notes