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The power of the mind

"Whenever you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right." (Henry Ford) It took me some time to understand that our minds are powerful and everything starts from there. We cross every obstacle with the power of our mind and we reach every goal with the power of our mind..  Happiness starts from the inside of our mind. My mental strength has been put to the test many times. Just recently I woke up one morning and saw my dog licking a dead puppy. She had gone into labour before I got there. My heart started racing, my mind kept thinking that I'm scared to touch anything for fear that the mom will bite me. My memory kept flashing the times when I had find dead squirrels or racoons in my back yard and I wasn't able to even look at them, but even more picking them up; I would wait until my husband would get home and deal with it. So, I looked at the mom and the dead puppy, put on a pair of gloves, and with shivers down my spine but with a completely wiped out mind, I slowly petted my dog, got in closely and started resuscitating the puppy. Nothing worked. Now I was thinking I couldn't leave a mom with a dead baby by her side while giving birth to other babies. That would be cruel. So once again, I cleared my mind, picked up the lifeless body and took it away. It was the saddest thing I had to do. My strategy in these situations is "Take a deep breath! Clear your mind! Just do it!"

Take a deep breath! 

By taking a deep breath you prepare your mind for a switch of gear. The deep inhale is the end of in all my feelings, all my thoughts, all my fears. The deep exhale is the mental preparation for something new.

Clear your mind!

I throw away all the negativity and pause. Now I feel like the time stays still, nothing is happening for a few moments. My mind is completely whipped out. My fear has vanished.  My obstacles have disappeared. My frustration ended. At this moment I don't have to think about what to do next. For a few seconds I remove myself from the situation.

Just do it!

Deep inside my mind I know what I have to do, but all the negativity was impending me. Now, with a clean slate, it's easier to look ahead and concentrate at finding the means to achieve the proposed task.  And out of nowhere, I know exactly what to do, I'm calm and methodical. 

It's amazing how this strategy worked out for me in all kinds of situations, from small difficulties where my baby wouldn't stop crying and I would be too sleep deprived and frustrated to find a way to calm him down, to millstones where I had to fight to get out of a scam where we were bleeding money every month. This strategy helps me not to look back at the damage done, but look forwards to what I can do to improve the situation.

Excuses

I have met so many people that have an excuse for everything that is wrong in their life. It's like Dr. Phil says: "You cannot hear my advice if you think of the next excuse to give me after I stop talking." Thinking of excuses impedes you from thinking of solutions.You cannot succeed when you see only obstacles before you even start trying. I have done it too. I said that I can't work out because the gym membership is too expensive, it takes too much time out of my day, it's too boring or too hard. But I was missing it. I was missing the energy it gave me through out the day. I was missing the feeling that I was working towards my goal to lose weight. I was feeling that life was not giving me permission to do something I wanted. As time went by I felt more and more as I was failing. Something was missing and it was above my powers to bring it back. I didn't like the idea that external impediments are controlling my life. So I started thinking of ways for me to control my life. I started thinking how else would I go about this and started searching for alternatives. I have discovered fitness apps that allowed me to work out from home for just 15 minutes a day. After I got bored with that, I went on 30 days challenges online. Now, I'm into yoga and I am amazed of how much I enjoy it, because I thought it's not for me even before I have tried it. This whole experience taught me that instead of finding excuses, I should be finding alternatives. Complaining

"Complaining rewires your brain for negativity" (Robin Kowalski, professor of psychology from Clemson University)

My husband would always tell me to stop complaining. In my mind I was thinking that I need to vent so that I can take it out of my system. But with every complain, the more I complained. I realized that complaining attracts negativity. With each one, you slip deeper and deeper into that black hole where everything is bleak, all the bad things happen only to you and every aspect of your life is seen in a negative light. Not talking about something that bothers you where no one would be able to help you but yourself, makes room for you to see the good things in your life and build on those. I stopped complaining to my husband, kept them all to myself and little by little they stopped coming to my mind. 

Gratitude

Appreciating my blessings and not getting hanged up on the negative aspects of my life creates the foundation for my successes. I am grateful for each time I got the strength to step out of my comfort zone and got to achieve something in my life. I feel a little stronger after each time and with each time my confidence escalates.

Positivity

Focusing on the positive things is the starting point towards accomplishment. Bad things happen, but your attitude engages a negative or positive outcome. I have noticed that if I let negative things affect me, I respond negatively and the situation gets worse, rather than better. Recently my husband was going through a rough time, being stressed at work and frustrated about not being able to finish some personal projects he started. I felt him distant, and I started to distant myself. I saw him not caring about the mess he would leave behind around the house, which usually is not in his nature, and I started getting frustrated that I have to go and pick up after him. He was making all kind of bad comments, and I got upset every time. After a few days, I have decided not to let him affect my mood, but to be kind, loving and cheerful. Immediately I saw him smile, he started opening up to me and his attitude changed completely. It's amazing how we don't realize that we can sense each other's mood and feelings. As I sensed his negative energy, he also sensed mine. As I changed my attitude, he immediately sensed it and automatically duplicated mine. Of course, it doesn't always happen immediately, sometimes a little more work and patience has to be put into it, but sooner or later a positive outcome prevailed.

Confidence

I believe that everything a person accomplishes is the direct result of their own thoughts. Before you can achieve anything, you first must throw away negative thoughts and selfishness, make a plan for success and make sacrifices. As the saying goes "No pain, no gain!". The size of your success is directly related to the efforts you put into it. Positive thoughts turn into positive outcomes, as negative ones turn into negative outcomes. Nobody can change how strong you are, but yourself. Nobody can change how weak you are, but yourself. Your experiences shape your mind if you learn from them.Only if you truly wish and put all your efforts into it, you can gain the strength. By conquering your weaknesses and selfishness, you can achieve your goals with the power of you mind. If you expect others to help you, you become their slave. If you expect others to change so that they would make you happy, then you are not using the power of your mind. You need to stand on your own feet and fight with kindness and positivity. Always keeping your goal in mind will make you act towards it. 

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FOOD SWAP: White Rice or Brown Rice?

White Rice:

Refined grain

Easily digestible, generating sugar spikes

Low in nutrients

Brown Rice:

Whole grain

High in fiber

High in nutrients

Contains anti-nutrients (make it hard for the body to absorb the minerals)

Can cause digestive issues

There is not a big difference between white and brown rice. They are both high in carbohydrates and calories, low in nutrients. Consume the rice you prefer  best occasionally (once a week or less) in conjunction with high nutrient foods.

HOW I EAT: I usually sauté some onion, add chicken stock and bring it to boil, then I add rice, veggies (carrots, peas, broccoli) and turmeric, salt and pepper and let it simmer until liquid has absorbed. 

Sources: 

https://www.aworkoutroutine.com/brown-rice-vs-white-rice/

https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/is-rice-healthy-for-me-does-white-vs-brown-rice-matter_v_coaching/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319797.php

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Beware of ingredient lists and claims

“In a lab, all calories are the same when you burn them. But not when you eat them. Your body is a complicated biochemical, hormonal soup controlled mostly by what you eat. 

So here’s my rule: If nature made it eat it, if man made it leave it. I'm sure you've noticed that a fresh avocado or kiwi doesn’t come with a nutrition facts label, a barcode, or ingredient list. If you are eating food that comes with a label, focus on the ingredient list, not the “nutrition facts” that are mostly designed and developed under huge food industry lobby efforts to confuse and confound your efforts to eat healthy. If you don’t recognize a word, can’t pronounce it, or it is in Latin, or you don’t have it in your cupboard and wouldn’t use it in a recipe—maltodextrin, for instance—then don’t use it. On every ingredient list, note that the most abundant component is listed first. The others follow in descending order by weight. Be conscious of ingredients that may not be on the list. Also beware of foods with health claims on the label. These claims usually signal a marketing ploy to make you think they’re good for you when they’re really just healthy pretenders. Things like sports beverages, energy bars, and even multigrain breads (which often contain high-fructose corn syrup) fall into this category.”

-  Mark Hyman, MD

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What motivates me

I must admit that life has been good to me, mostly because good things happened to me and I have not really had big goals in life to achieve because I’ve always wanted a normal life where feeling loved was the most important thing for me. All I have ever wanted was to find my person, the one that I would love endlessly and the one who will show me love every day.

I have recently embarked on the first true challenge in my life and I had to prove to myself that I am capable to set a goal, work for it and never give up until I have achieved it.

What kept me going was seeing myself as if I have already achieved my goal. Seeing how my life would change, what I would be able to do after that,  how I would feel, how I would interact differently with others, what would be the next challenge to embark on, comprised the most powerful motivator for me.  Keeping my goal at the top of my mind prevented me from straying away from it.

Another reason for not giving up was the voice in my head that kept asking me “Are you really not capable of doing this?”. I didn’t want to be a failure. I would always think that if life were to make me overcome tougher challenges, will I give up then too?

Every time I took a step backwards, I would tell myself “It’s ok, I’ll start fresh tomorrow”. I would consider it more of a step sidewards that will only prolong time a bit, but would not defeat me. I thought of it as a nudge I needed to keep me going, to relieve some of the anxiety and to remind me that it’s a process that takes time and perseverance. So, the next day I would start fresh, as if nothing had happened, so that not to get hung up in the past and on the bad. I try to see the good in everything: when I am off track I enjoy it because it satisfies my yearnings,  and when I am on track I enjoy it because it brings me closer to my goal. In time, I have noticed that these slip offs became further and further apart.

Progress motivates me the most. With every little change I would acknowledge the work I have put into it and I would encourage myself to surpass it even further. I believe that most challenges are made up of many small challenges that need to be overcome in order to get closer to the ultimate goal. Every little triumph  must be acknowledged, celebrated and surpassed.

Being focused on the progress I have made so far, and not the long road I still have in front of me, has also driven me to keep going.

If your goal were to loose weight and you had in front of you a fat person and a skinny person, which one would motivate you? I would be motivated by the fat one because of my fear to fail. My goal would be to not become that person. This tells me that negative examples motivate me more than positive ones, so thinking of the worst case scenario makes me work harder to get to my best case scenario.

We’re all different and we all have different triggers of motivation. Finding the ones for me was a process in itself.

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You become what you think about most. But you also attract what you think about most.

John Assaraf

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My favourite foods

Meals

Sautéed chicken in tomato paste + brown rice and veggies

Roasted ribs + sweet potatoes + broccoli

Romaine lettuce + avocado + shrimp

Fried salmon + polenta + broccoli + garlic/greek yogurt sauce

Chicken liver in tomato sauce + quinoa with veggies

1 egg and 1/2 cup egg whites omelette + raw/sautéed veggies

1 slice sprouted grains bread + tuna/avocado salad + cucumber

Chicken noodle soup

Roasted pork + garlic green beans + salad

Snacks

1/2 cup cottage cheese (sometimes I add salt and tomatoes)

Broccoli + 2 tbsp Pine Nuts Roasted Hummus

1 boiled egg + baby carrots

1 apple / 1 banana + 1 tbsp peanut butter

Strawberries & blueberries mix + a few almonds

Popcorn (Skinny Pop from Costco)

Frozen cherries (defrosted just a bit to simulate ice cream)

Peaches in fruit juice

Herbalife protein bars

Stay tuned for more!

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#psychology #refreshyourrelationship

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If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Wayne Dyer

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How my marriage evolved into a happy one

I got married when I was 23 and this year we’ll be celebrating our 13th year of marriage. I have met my husband online 2 years before we got married. We were crazy in love, couldn’t stay away from each other and couldn’t get enough of each other. 

That all changed when our first son was born a few months after we got married. He suddenly changed his “best boyfriend ever” hat to the “best provider ever” hat. I have later understood that, at that time he realized that he was on his own, with no financial or moral support from anyone, and he was suddenly responsible for the well being of himself, a wife still in university, a new baby and a household. Being new to Canada and starting his tile business from scratch, he started working very long hours, and when he didn’t work, he did research to grow his business, all the paperwork necessary to have his business in good standing and, of course, he was tired all the time and slept a lot.

I, on the other hand, experienced that time in our life from a completely different perspective. The two and a half years before I had my first son were the best years of my life so far. Having been raised in a traditional manner where my parents were very protective and having very few friends, I felt that I have started to live life to its fullest only after I have met him. In my naive mind at the time, I thought that a baby will only be a happy addition to our life. We would still go out and spend time together, but with one more person next to us. As you know, after having a baby your life changes completely, and I found myself suddenly alone all the time, with a baby stitched to my hip and inside the house most of the time. I have interpreted his absence as regret for having married me, a means to get away from us and a way to accomplish his dream of being massively rich. I was only thinking of myself, how I was feeling and how my needs were not being met by him.  Thinking back, I was so selfish and I was blaming him for my unhappiness. 

So, in the first years of our marriage we argued a lot, divorce came into discussions many times and it felt like we were living separate lives. I was always asking him to work less and spend more time with us, and his answer was always that this is what he is supposed to do in order for us to build a happy and prosperous life. I was always unhappy and looking to confront him, and he always would tell me to not be like that because it will get better. I didn’t believe him, because I thought that our love will die, we have to work hard to maintain the flame because I have been thought that love dies in time. He kept assuring me that love doesn’t die. I have accused him of not loving his son, because he was not spending time with him. He was telling me that he was doing it for his son, so that he wouldn’t start his life from nothing like his dad.

I strongly believe that his patience and perseverance brought us to where we are today. He, later on, told me that he was able to hang in there with all the nagging and negativity, because he put himself in my shoes and understood where I was coming from and he was willing to wait until I was able to understand. And that is exactly what happened. 

In time, I’ve learned from him to try to see things from his perspective too, before accusing him of any injustice towards me. He did not enjoy working endless hours and being away from us, but he did what he had to do. So now we never fight about money (as so many couples do, unfortunately), we are financially stable and our kids will get a head start in life.

I’ve learned from him that, if I try my best to make him happy, this will convert into my happiness. During that time, I made sure to show him with every occasion how unhappy I am and attacked him every chance I got. In turn, he kept trying to make me happy with little things like taking me out once in a while, supporting me with anything I wanted to do, encouraging me to do what makes me happy like going to events, meeting up with friends, quitting the job I hated, buy the things I liked etc.

I’ve learned from him that others’ advice on how a marriage should be, does not necessarily apply to us. I was telling him that we should do this and that because that’s what married couples do. His answer was that we should do whatever makes sense for us and to our goals in life. For example, we didn’t need a joint chequing account at the time because I was not making any money (still in school) and didn’t pay any bills.

I’ve learned from him that love doesn’t die when you want the best for your other half and support them in everything. Selfishness is what kills love.

I’ve learned from him to always show appreciation for all the big things and the little things he does for me. He always notices and says something to acknowledge and appreciate or to thank me for every little thing and everything I do for him, the kids or the house, This motivates me to continue doing so, to appreciate hime more and it also makes me love him a little more each time.

I’ve learned from him to do things with love and passion, or not do them at all. He was always able to taste my resentment from the first bite of my cooking and would ask me " You cooked this in silent protest, right? I can go buy dinner, if you don't enjoy cooking for me."

I’ve learned from him that in life you can’t do only what you want, unless you’re alone. Some sacrifices need to be made in order for both to be happy. We both had to give a little sometimes to the other’s gratification. We have two dobermans now, and I love them but I don’t really enjoy taking care of them. I do it because I see the ecstasy in his eyes when he’s playing with them. 

He learned from me that sometimes you have to live the moment. I’m a big adherent of Carpe Diem! He recently realized that there are moments in life that will never get back. He realized that things like going out and having fun while you’re young or spending time with your son while he’s little, cannot be postponed.

He learned from me that there is a need for some balance in life. Not all the highs must be the highest and all the lows the lowest, sometimes the middle ground is best.

He learned from me that life can be enjoyed too, it should not be all a struggle for survival. I always say that when the priest said “Be there for better and for worse”, my husband heard only the “worst” part. He was always there in my worst moments, but rarely in my best ones. Now, he is more willing to go on family vacations or take time to spend it together.

So, our journey was a tumultuous one, but we have learned from each other and moulded after each other, and now, after 15 years together, we’re still in love with each other, we rarely fight and we can read each other’s thoughts just from a look. If you are struggling in your relationship, be kind and patient because it will pay off in the end!

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Every Woman

I’ve found this poem that resonated with me and I would like to share with you. It beautifully encompasses what a strong woman is and what we should all strive to achieve. Here it goes: A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a youth she's content to leave behind.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems! , and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... a feeling of control over her destiny... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... HOW TO QUIT A JOB, BREAK UP WITH A LOVER, AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change t he length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

Author: MAYA Submitted By: Helena Beisel https://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/21767.html

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FOOD SWAP: Sweet potatoes ot White potatoes”

Sweet potatoes have:

More Vitamin A

More Vitamin C

More Fiber

More Calcium

More Antioxidants

Fewer Calories

White potatoes have:

More Iron

More Magnesium

More Potassium

More Protein

Less Sugar

As you can see, both types of potatoes have their benefits, and I suggest to include more sweet potatoes into your diet, and consume white potatoes in moderation (once in a while). In my weight loss journey, I’ve noticed that in the mornings after consuming sweet potatoes at dinner, the scale consistently went down.

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Benefits of healthy eating

My passion is food - more exactly eating healthy - and motivating others to switch to healthy eating and a healthy approach to life in general because it makes an enormous difference overall. I've started making healthier choices in 2015, and I have noticed so many changes, such as:

Discovered I really like foods that I have never tried before such as: avocado, chick peas, Brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, hummus, quinoa and kale

The foundation of switching to healthy eating is trying new things and sticking to those that bring you joy

It takes some preparation and time in the beginning, but once you get into this habit, you will mechanically go for the healthy option in front of you

Healthy eating really keeps me satiated and full of energy

Sweet cravings calmed down by about 90%

Kids like healthy food very much

The nutrients in healthy foods keep away colds or other sicknesses

Eating good fats really helps with weight loss

I'm never bloated or lethargic after a meal

Lost weight which improved my overall health

I am not an expert on anything, but I have done tons of research, tried dozens of diets and products and experienced a full life so far.

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Why I eat healthy

Before I switched to healthy eating, I had some ideas of what not to eat such as fries, bread, soda etc. But I had no (clear) idea what to replace them with. I think many people have this problem, or they have tried some foods that they didn’t like and gave up, or they just don’t find healthy foods visually appealing. I say they should keep trying because healthy food can be delicious too.

I always said that I don’t want to live long because I don’t want to be alive for too long in my old years, however incapacitated I would be, putting stress on those around me. I eat healthy not to live long, but for the quality of life right now. I feel alive, energetic, never bloated, never have any digestive issues and rarely getting colds or other illnesses.

I also eat healthy for my kids. Leading by example is the goal I always strive to attain. Kids do what they see their parents do. I want them to have a good quality of life and do everything they put their mind into, without any health issues getting in the way.

I eat healthy because it brings me joy. It’s like my mind turned on a switch and all the lights come on when I see nourishing foods and they come off when I see fried and heavy foods. Of course, not all healthy foods are appealing to my taste buds, so I stick to those that I really like. It’s funny, but, while eating, in my mind I see how the protein goes directly to my muscles, the vitamins and minerals go directly into my blood and feeds all my organs. And I don’t see anything going to my belly or hips, and this brings me joy.

The process of restoring my diet has been one with steps forward and steps backwards and the following pointers helped me get where I am today:

Tried many new foods and recipes and I was surprised of how many amazing alternatives are out there that I actually enjoy

Started gradually replacing bad habits with nutritious foods every week, or day, or month ... whenever I read or heard of healthy foods that I I was not familiar with.

I have sticked to the foods that brought me joy when I ate them. I don’t consume them just because they’re healthy. I’ve noticed that if the food I eat doesn’t bring me joy, it adds mental stress that works against me. I always try to find similar ones that will please my taste buds.

Every time I slip off the healthy diet, I try to think of it as a step back that I really enjoyed but did not provide any nutrients. The next day, I would start fresh as if nothing had happened and I start my healthy endeavours anew. I sometimes slip off on sweets (I love chocolate) but I try to enjoy these moments because my taste buds are happy, and when I don’t eat sweets, I enjoy it because I eat nutritious foods that make me healthy and thin.

I try not to get hung up on the foods I can’t have, but on the ones I can have

I always change my meal routine to work with the schedule I have at the time, always eating every 3-4 hours. I’ve noticed that the longer I wait between meals, the more inclined I am to go for the fatty, heavy food. This happens because the body is starving and I become frustrated by hunger.

I eat 1-2 snacks per day that mostly comprised of 1 protein and 1 healthy carb 

I always pack snacks and liquids when I leave the house because I never know if I will get home in time to eat and I don’t want to rely on the restaurants I would find in the area I’m in. Plus I don’t really like eating in restaurants because there aren’t many healthy options, food doesn’t taste like home and it takes too long until I actually have the food in my mouth.

When I crave sweets, I think to myself: “Do I want to eat that, or do I want to be healthy and thin?” This mostly works, unless I have it before my eyes every day for days in a row, and then I give in just to get over it and start fresh the next day.

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[refreshyourthoughts]

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.

Socrates

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