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rhtakeuchi · 1 year

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This was a comment I wrote to a friend back when the-game-that-must-not-be-named released. They shared some very openly misinformed outrage about the “antisemitic” stuff in the game. It said goblin nose sizes depend on how evil the goblin is, and all sorts of ridiculousness about the goblins trying to kidnap children. Honestly, the post sounded more like an antisemitic conspiracy theory, especially since I played the game and none of it was remotely true.

However, on Reddit and Twitch, trolls and bullies were getting particularly terrible to the point of spamming random folks who had subbed or chatted about the game. I’m not even sure if they were legit protesting and or if they were just being terrible because they felt it was fine, but it’s not fine to harass folks and call them transphobes (and all sorts of obscenities) just for playing a game. So I was worried to post anything, but I can’t turn off my correction-sense when something so crazy is out there with folks massively sharing it as if it were fact.

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My comment:

Wow, this person did not actually play the game, and it’s really sad that so many folks sharing these things haven’t played the game to judge it for themselves, and those who have are too scared to say anything or else be bullied by those sharing these things. But hey, if folks want to bully me, have at it. Just remember a lot of folks with PTSD and other conditions used the Wizarding World as their safe mental space for decades before JK became problematic, and all those traumatized folks aren’t about to nuke their safety paracosms because JK has gone all Lovecraft. Some might have been able to find something else to dive into, but nobody should be thought policing how someone else should deal with their trauma. Let’s be real. Most fantasy worlds were initially created by misogynists (and worse). While it feels uncomfortable to go back and reread Xanth or Wheel of Time, a lot of folks loved those worlds — enough to make a series of the latter that is significantly less sexist. But here’s my actual rebuttal.

Spoilers:

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Noses have nothing to do with anything. In fact, the goblins are mostly based on the exact same asset with minor facial variation, much like the generic extra students. Honestly, the facial mapping is rough in general. The bankers aren’t at all involved in Ranrok’s extremism — in fact one banker is killed by Ranrok in the prologue trying to stop him from stealing from the bank. Ranrok gets quite a bit of story, which is sadly more substantial than most characters in the game. If you want to criticize the game for a very weak storyline in general, that’s totally legit. The dark magic side story about a boy trying to heal his sister (and going dark in the process) is actually more compelling than the entire main quest. There are equal factions enemy goblins and wizards with an alliance, but they actually have a motivation. Both factions are led by descendants or followers of the original folks who helped lock away the Ancient Magic™️ (several wizards and a goblin were involved) and now the factions want the magical nuke-power for themselves for their various (and somewhat understandable) reasons and the main character is the only one in the last few centuries who can actually see the Ancient Magic™️. However, the game insists the correct way to deal with the situation is to seal the Ancient Magic™️ away so nobody has the nukes. So be prepared for an almost Twilight-level lack of anything substantial happening. But there is a boss fight rather than a strange psyche-out and there’s no creepy imprinting or whatever, so marginally better than Twilight. I’m not seeing the raging antisemitism this post is talking about. There is bigotry toward non-wizards, yes. That was still a problem in the books 100 years after the game takes place, so one wouldn’t expect to make a substantial change in the late 1800s when house elf rights didn’t get a big boost until Hermione’s efforts in the late 1900s. Honestly, most of the fights are with spiders (which is why there’s an arachnophobia mod that is particularly popular).

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rhtakeuchi · 1 year

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I need to get this off my chest. I see so many folks jumping on social media and blasting folks with a sort of false moral superiority in a world that really doesn’t work that way.

Chic-Fil-A is terrible, sure, but let’s not forget there are a lot of brands you probably aren’t boycotting that are just as horrible. From 2017-2018, AT&T, UPS, Comcast, Home Depot, General Electric, FedEx, UBS, Verizon, and Pfizer all donated about or over a million USD each to anti-LGBTQ politicians (https://www.forbes.com/sites/dawnstaceyennis/2019/06/24/dont-let-that-rainbow-logo-fool-you-these-corporations-donated-millions-to-anti-gay-politicians/?sh=4eca033e14a6)

McDonald’s, Walmart, and Amazon have donated hundreds of thousands to politicians opposed to LGBTQ rights. (https://www.businessinsider.com/amazon-walmart-mcdonalds-companies-show-pride-donated-anti-lgbtq-politicians-2021-6?amp)

Let’s not forget all the many subsidiaries these huge companies have, as well as the many licenses they provide or pay for. You have to decide where to draw the line, but it’s likely even your favorite companies are licensing something from someone terrible.

For example, if you want to boycott J. K. Rowling effectively, you would need to pressure Warner Brothers, the licensor for the Wizarding World, and stop them from granting licenses that give royalties to J. K. Rowling. That means no longer supporting the companies who pay WB for that license — like Lego, Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft, NBCUniversal (who pays massive amounts through theme park licenses), Target, and so many more.

In Lego’s 2020 statement about their Harry Potter sets, they say they pay WB for the license and don’t deal with J. K. Rowling directly, but that is the same as Hogwarts Legacy and all other licensed goods. Everything goes through WB, not Rowling (unless you bought stuff directly through Pottermore back when that was a thing). Buying Lego, HP or otherwise, goes toward the payment of the various licenses for each franchise they buy into. But Lego also has some really good initiatives, clearly says they don’t agree with Rowling, and otherwise support a lot of people, so that’s a pickle. I won’t fault you either way. It’s no secret that I’m a VIP with a massive amount of points right now.

It’s much easier to boycott things you weren’t going to buy or use anyway. I know this well. Most of the companies listed in the first part of this post don’t even have holdings in Japan for me to need to deal with them. I know I have the privilege of saying I can boycott them. I know folks reading this might not have that privilege, just as I can’t avoid Japanese companies tied to abhorrent political views here because that would be all of them.

It’s easy for some folks to get on Twitter (a social media platform owned by someone who has also said very troubling things) or Facebook (which has maintained a problematic naming policy that has primarily affected minorities) and boycott a game you weren’t going to play anyway (that isn’t even that unique and is so buggy they can’t release it for half the platforms) while still buying from companies that still pay WB for that same license.

But my point here is not to criticize folks who make selective stands. My point is we’re all making selective stands. I will judge my friends based on their actual views and not their ability/privilege to afford to boycott billionaire-owned mega-corporations or franchises.

Back in 2018, Warner Brothers came after a Harry Potter themed fitness charity group I belonged to since 2014. They forced our group to change our name, then they still weren’t satisfied and launched a lawsuit in 2020. The group was forced to disband last year. It was devastating to deal with both Rowling’s views and the attacks from WB. We proudly supported the Trevor project and other LGBTQ organizations over our many years, with many of us identifying as members of the LGBTQ community. One of our mottos was “I solemnly swear that I’m up to #somuchgood.” We were a community that used our love of our shared fandom to inspire folks to be active both in a health sense and charity sense. We raised millions of dollars for various charities, which is I guess why WB attacked us so strongly over shirts and medals we gave out with the donations. (https://amanda-farr.medium.com/potterhead-running-club-takes-wizarding-boys-fanthrophy-online-community-to-the-next-level-a8ab55519872)

I won’t be vilifying my community for the fandom that brought us together and that we shared and that inspired us to do good. I know the good we actually did. I know all the various clothing, bandage, and food drives we did on top of the charity walks/runs. I know the good things we are still inspired to do in less massive ways. I also know we have done and will do more than a lot of folks ever will do. (https://racery.com/blog/2016/07/06/hogwarts-running-club-virtual-race-for-the-trevor-project-wow/)

I would hope that in our selective stands, we are mindful that while it might be easy for some to give up a brand or franchise, there are good folks and entire communities of good folks who still band together because of them. Just do what you can to do good in this world.

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rhtakeuchi · 1 year

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I survived Covid-19. It was bad but wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. Again, I’m very happy science has my back. If I weren’t vaccinated and if this had been earlier in the plague, I probably would be one of the death statistics.

But I survived. And now I need to get back into writing. Yeah, I’m one of those gifted kids who loved to read and write. I spent my childhood summers doing a writing class at the local college. The class coincided with my birthday, so I often celebrated it with the professor and the other students. Those were some ridiculously happy memories. It was a really fun class. I did a very failed ICE attempt with a slasher story that may have put me on some sort of watch list, but I loved writing. I loved writing horror and comedy.

However, university killed my love of writing. Or maybe it was just my messed up relationships that wiped out my relationship with the written word. Psychologically, that wouldn’t surprise me. I blogged a lot, but it was all me. It was all about my pain. It wasn’t fun.

So writing stopped being fun. It started to be for survival. It was meant to help me deal with my problems. However, that’s not enjoyable. The association with misery was probably what destroyed my creative spark. Then I wrote for money, which also kills one’s soul — having a terrible editor at the end didn’t help matters.

Now I need to get my soul and spark back. I have papers to write. I have a creative writing class to accomplish in the next year. I get to be the professor teaching the writing class now, and that really makes it feel like things have gone full circle, but I need to reclaim my spark for it to feel remotely legitimate.

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rhtakeuchi · 1 year

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I know I usually post an AI image or a doodle with my general whining, but today I’m going to brag about my department supervisors being rockstars in an otherwise failed system.

On Friday, my husband got a call from my university’s health office. They wanted him to update them on my condition. He mentioned I still had a fever and symptoms, though a bit more mild than they had been. He assumed they would parrot back the national and prefectural guidance about needing to stay home until 24 hours after symptoms are over. That was the info we got from the hospital.

Nope. They said I could come in on Monday as long as I don’t speak much and don’t eat or drink on campus. Hirocky did a double take. I had serious symptoms, not an asymptomatic case. I still have some symptoms, so according to the Health Ministry info we were given from the hospital, I’m supposed to avoid people until those symptoms are gone. You can even see that clearly illustrated in the Health Ministry illustration above.

When Hirocky related to me what was said, I was really confused. They don’t want a *lecturer* of *language* to talk much??? Do they not understand what I do? They certainly don’t understand that I teach from 9:30 until 18:20 on Mondays, so I not only talk a lot, I require food and hydration. Saying I can’t do that on campus poses some serious logistical silliness. Hold on kids, your mobility-impaired teacher with RA needs to hobble across campus and up some stairs to their car in their weakened state so they can take a sip of water. Wtf?

The fact I’m still coughing up green slime also poses some strange logistics. How am I supposed to get rid of the goo? Anyone who has ever had a nasty sinus infection or cold knows the sudden oh-god-I-have-a-goo-ball-in-my-mouth feeling after a cough or sneeze. What then? Spit into a tissue and throw it in the communal garbage where folks including the cleaning crew could be exposed? Run to the toilet and cough into a toilet or sink and again potentially expose students in the restroom? Whoever thought up the school guidelines was obviously not thinking clearly.

So I messaged my supervisors. They are the smartest folks I know and honestly were already on top of checking into me taking off the last two days before the winter holiday. I told them my dilemma. I mean, I don’t want to be the Typhoid Mary that exposes my students and colleagues to Covid right before the winter holiday when a lot of folks want to see grandparents or other elderly relatives. I prefer not to be that kind of asshole.

My supervisors agreed and told me to follow the guidelines I was given from the hospital. As I mentioned, they already anticipated and thought about me taking the last two days off. It’s really nice to know my department has my back. I just wish our health office had some common sense. 🤦‍♀️

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rhtakeuchi · 1 year

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Each day brings a new batch of symptoms like a messed up version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.

On the first day of Covid, the virus gave to me: a fever with a migraine so I can’t see.

On the second day of Covid, the virus gave to me: two ears a pulsing and a fever with a migraine so I can’t see.

On the third day of Covid, the virus gave to me: three coughing fits with chest pain, two ears a pulsing, and a fever with a migraine so I can’t see.

On the fourth day of Covid, the virus gave to me: four hundred grams of phlegm, three coughing fits with chest pain, two ears a pulsing, and a fever with a migraine so I can’t see.

I’m supposed to get *better* at some point, right?

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rhtakeuchi · 1 year

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Day 4 of Onset, Day After Positive

In my dark bedroom, I decided to doodle a visual representation of how I’m feeling right now.

The fever, nose, and cough issues are easing up, but my head is being torn in half. This headache is nothing like the ones I’ve had before. I’ve certainly had serious headaches and migraines before. I’ve had to use various -triptan medications to control migraines. This is worse. Way worse.

I feel utterly debilitated by this monster. This is even more photophobic and unrelenting than any migraine I’ve ever experienced. I also can hear my own pulse pounding in my ears (though mostly on the right side) like I’m starring in my very own one-person show of The Telltale Heart.

Covid is this evil lurking thing that tears at your brain. For those who think it is — or have experienced it as — just a mild cold, you should appreciate the fact you have been incredibly lucky. It is hell for those of us with more serious cases and preexisting conditions.

If I weren’t vaccinated, I know I’d be dead right now.

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rhtakeuchi · 1 year

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The Respectably Sized Other C

It finally happened.

Since I have RA and a bunch of other autoimmune issues, I have been ridiculously careful about Covid-19 protocols. I haven’t traveled anywhere other than local and mostly outdoor places. Like most Japanese folks, I mask a good majority of the time, even outdoors — unless I don’t see anyone else on our farm road. That’s when I get to treat myself to true public masklessness, though is it really public when no public is around?

Back during the worst of it, my department was super supportive of me and even let me stay online last year longer than anyone else. I had a lot of support when I returned to face to face as well. This year was also going quite well.

I never really imagined school would be the safe place and home would be where I’d be infected, but here we are.

I have Covid-19.

My husband hasn’t tried to shirk his responsibility concerning this. We knew he had a cold. Due to my nagging, he did an antigen test on Wednesday and was negative. After that, he didn’t want to waste the few somewhat expensive tests we had on a mild cold with a cough. I was still a little irked at his carelessness because a cold still really sucks for folks with autoimmune issues, but as a supportive spouse, I wasn’t going to stop him from doing his shows, and it was only a cold.

I was still paranoid. I had a presentation on Saturday, and the last thing I wanted was a cold or anything else. I neither wanted to cancel on the extremely kind organizers, nor did I want to go and spread something. I was having an RA flare with what I will now consider a mild fever, but I wasn’t feeling sick. Fatigue, joint pain, and slight fever are part of my flares, and I had been flaring the whole month. I was starting to have itchy eyes and a runny nose, but my fall allergies had been acting up on and off. None of this seemed so serious.

I took an antigen test to be sure. If it turned out positive, I would absolutely have notified the organizers. However, it was negative. I figured I was safe. I was overreacting again. A flare and allergies or a mild cold were nothing to panic over. Silly me.

The presentation was fun, or at least mine didn’t feel so painful, and the other person’s presentation was downright enjoyable and enlightening. For once, I felt like I was interacting with professionals on the same page as me, and who value the same sort of things I do. For my first professional function since 2019, it was awesome.

Since Hirocky was in Hiroshima for the night, I needed to get back home to take care of Xen and McCoy, so I couldn’t go out to the end of year dinner with the rest of the attendees — which I was already somewhat relieved about since I was nervous about being in public in spite of my negative test. That ended up being a very good thing.

On my way home, I felt sick, and definitely not in an RA flare, allergy, or cold way. It was a very bad kind of sick. My whole face felt swollen from the inside, like my sinuses had been firebombed and the raging fire was spreading pain through my head and even my teeth. It got so bad, I stopped into a convenience store and bought ice cream and a drink with tons of ice, paid contactlessly and never really came within a meter of anyone at the shop. I knew I needed to be super careful. I knew something was terribly wrong. This was like the sinus infection from hell, and it came on so suddenly, I was scared I wouldn’t make it home.

But using the ice cream and the ice from the drink against my face, and praising my forethought in bringing my work stuff to the presentation — specifically my pencil case where I have a stash of Ibuprofen — I was able to get home.

Things kept getting worse from there. I was covering myself in ice packs because my fever wouldn’t go down no matter what medicine I threw at it. I was shivering and not very coherent. Hirocky promised he would get an early train back and try to find a hospital for me. At this point, we knew this was his “mild cold” that certainly wasn’t mild for someone with my health conditions.

The point of this post isn’t to rag on my lifelong questing companion. However, if this post makes any of its readers think more carefully about how a seemingly minor health issue for one person could end up as a major catastrophe for someone else, then that would certainly be great. My husband had no idea how bad this would be. He just had a minor cold. He didn’t think he’d be needing to rush me to the ER hospital on Sunday. Hydration helped, but even their IV dose of acetaminophen didn’t put a dent in my fever. My CRP was super high, indicating a raging infection. The nurse who administered my IV mentioned it was possible I had Covid, not that he could verify that or anything. He just knew the possibility and had a great deal of experience with such patients. That’s when it started to occur to me that maybe this really was Covid-19.

The next day, we returned to that same hospital. The hydration the previous day made me feel a little better, but I still was pretty bad. Functionally bad? Their triage counter and Covid/Flu check-in protocols were a chaotic mess, with one nurse trying to check me in twice and all the potentially infected folks still having to walk through crowds to get anywhere.

The actual inspection area was a separate building away from everything, so why they had the triage at the main entrance of the main building is beyond me. Yes, let’s have all the potentially infectious folks clustered at the main entrance where everyone, including elderly and immunocompromised folks, will enter the hospital. Then, let’s make those infectious folks walk from this building to the other building through crowds of people outside. I really don’t get this at all.

But the actual dual Cov/Flu inspection was interesting. I did my own swabbing in a plexiglass blast-box. I kid you not. It was the exact kind of box you’d use for some sort of explosive chemical experiment. While my head did feel like it was going to explode, I was amused by the thought that they were prepared in case that actually happened. Instead of such a glorious explosion, I sneezed a bunch into my mask (only my one swabbed nostril was exposed). What a disappointment.

After returning to our car to await the results, I started to feel pretty horrible again and got a tad less functional. The heat and light from the sun was downright painful, so Hirocky actually had to change the direction we were parked in. We waited and waited. It was a really bad sign when they asked us to move the car from the parking lot to the area by the inspection building. If I was negative, we’d go back into the hospital to do more testing, but if I was positive for either flu or Covid, we’d end up having to go home and quarantine. The fact we no longer needed to park in the parking lot hinted it was the latter. I was thinking maybe this was the flu since I had that negative antigen test.

Nope. When they called us in, the nurse set us up with a FaceTime call with a doctor on a large screen iPad Pro (the kind that is larger than most MacBook screens — I think it’s the same one I have from around 2017-18). The doctor explained I was positive. That’s when I pretty much stopped mentally functioning. I cried in the designated infected-person toilet area before we left, and I cried in the car a bit.

Then I sucked it up and tried to do everything I needed to do. By the time I got home, I was dizzy from typing in the car (and the sunlight), but I had contacted my supervisors, coworkers, and everyone else I thought needed to be told immediately. The university health office didn’t think I had put anyone at risk, and they’ve had a forgiving on demand fall-back option for sick instructors for the last year or so. I shouldn’t be stressed or worried about anything since everyone is so supportive. I just need to focus on not feeling so shitty.

So why do I still feel so shitty emotionally too?

The pictures here are AI generated Covid monster sketches I made with Picsart.

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