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List of things to say when someone asks why you don’t want kids

I promised my firstborn to a witch and really don’t want to make good on the deal

Well you can have them FOR me if it’s that big a deal to you

I don’t think I could get a good price for em on the black market

Fight me Helen

I can’t be a better parent than Angelina Jolie so why even bother

That’s my nindo. My ninja way.

I literally JUST sat down

Recite “The Highway Man” from Over the Garden Wall

Kids? What are those? I don’t understand. What are these youOH GRAVY WHAT IS THAT!?

Oohhh no, I’ve seen Disney movies, I know what happens to mothers

Centipedes? In my vagina?

*Angrily* YOU SEE!? This is just like that episode of Spongebob! *insert the plot of any episode of Spongebob in excruciating detail*

I heard they’re.. you know.. itchy. Like, as soon as you have a kid. Just totally itchy. Everything.

I’m an Aries

Well, we already got an even number so.. *shrug*

I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor

I’m allergic

That’s just what the communists want!

I’ve been dead for seven years

Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas, so I guess it’s no meant to be

I’m afraid they’ll have bad taste in memes

It would be unfair to my cat

I’m chaotic neutral

*long farting noise lasting at least 45 seconds*

“I don’t want to have children, I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

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The News will try their HARDEST to avoid admitting acts of racism.

Closed caption:

reporter: We’ll never know why he shot those people.

Killer: fam i just wanted to kill black people

Reporter: his motives and reasoning will always be unknown.

Killer: dang maybe she can’t…. BLACK PEOPLE I WANTED TO KILL PLACK PEOPLE

REPORTER: Maybe it was an attack on christianity

Killer: My only problem with God is that He made black people.

Reporter: let’s not jump to the conclusion that this was about race.

Killer: NEGROEEES……THE NIGLETSS…….AFRICAN AMERICANNS

Reporter: We Don’t know what that means

Killer :Dark Brown individuals from the African Diaspora

Reporter: but its not just a black issue

Killer: UPPP GIMME THE MIC. I’M RACIST

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i almost broke my neck 

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‘The City Council would like to remind you about the tiered Heavens, and the hierarchy of Angels. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this.’

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This 14-year-old Muslim American student was detained for bringing a homemade clock to school 

Ahmed Mohamed, a 14-year-old Muslim student was arrested at his high school in Irving, Texas, after bringing a homemade clock to class, which school officials mistook for a bomb. Mohamed showed his engineering teacher first, but when the alarmed went off later in the day, that’s when the trouble started. 

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Duck!

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So far this year I have learned that I am: 1) out of control 2) gayer than I thought I was

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mini me vol2

I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine.

Mini Me Vol1

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POC voice actors that have been on Bob’s Burger’s

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Ryohei Hase

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