*taps mic* is this thing on .. ?
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` @screamsduval
based in the depths of adversity , ignites cynicism - a costly habit , one that renders any sense of moral self inoperable . yet , these ambitions were always your scapegoat , from parties in the hills - and drugged up socialites attending the met ball , their intent set on where their next line was coming from . & now - it’s all receded to a n͟o͟x͟i͟o͟u͟s͟ m͟i͟x͟t͟u͟r͟e͟ of vodka and juice out of a solo cup , rotted in a hot - blooded frat basement with men that can’t even spell their last name if you asked . ` shit , how did i get here . ❛ god you kappa girls are needy , has anyone ever told you that ? ❜
juliet had the same boyfriend since high-school , they recently broke up and it sent her into a spiral of rebellious tendencies . the only reason emma tagged along , was to pick up the pieces at the end of the night , and make sure she didn’t get herself killed or wind up in a ditch on the lawn of some fraternity . there’s a red solo cup pressed to manicured lips , peeking over the rim and catching the tail-end of the boy’s conversation . emma is touching her friend’s shoulder , guiding her comfortingly away from the situation . when she returns , hands perch on the sides of her hips . ❝ i’m sorry ---- but what the hell is your problem ? ❞ she could size him up in seconds , and the glare of protectiveness hued in an emerald stare . ❝ has anyone ever told you that you could use some manners ? ❞
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“you okay?” !!!!
* / send “you okay?” to find my muse sitting alone on a roof at night.
𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 . words spat back in her face with venom she’s only seen directed towards others . do the right thing , not for anybody else — but for yourself . do the right thing by you , brooke . she didn’t even get a chance to say , to explain , before words were thrashed around in a sea of miscommunication and grief . and she’ll take it , because that’s the type of friend she is . she’ll let brooke rant , she’ll even let her tear down everything in her path . but god —- it was so frustrating . to be compared to , be put on a higher level of expectation . to think .. just because your emotions aren’t triggered on the same aspect as brooke’s . just because emma doesn’t react to things the same way , she doesn’t handle grief in the waves that the other does . because fuck , she’s lost too many people . they were her friends too . riley was her friend , jake was her friend , will – zoe .. hell , piper was her sister . she loved kieran . and yet , she was always the one anyone called , for anything . it was her fault , all of it . brooke had every right to be angry , she had every right to cry and break down and direct her anger towards anyone who would listen . but that last bit — it struck a chord . sweet emma , you’re so good . you’re so perfect . there’s nothing wrong with you , you’re the good one . good good good good —- you couldn’t possibly bend and break when nobody is looking . you couldn’t possibly know what it was like to struggle , to be too late . so she walked away . before she’d say something she’d regret . and like clockwork , brooke followed several minutes later when the heat had died and guilt began to set in . are you okay ? emma turns , and she’s been sitting on the words thrown in her direction for awhile now . she’s allowed it time to stir , to sit and boil , and god —– she’s so tired of being the strong one . ❝ you think that i don’t feel — completely hopeless , brooke ? ❞ relentless silence . it wasn’t a question meant to be answered . ❝ you think , that it doesn’t completely fucking break me every time i think about the fact that you and jake are never going to be together , and because —- at the end of the day , it’s my fault ? you think , i don’t know what it’s like to feel too late ? like – how i was too late to save will ? too late find riley ? too late to figure out jake was gone ? too late to — realize that kieran was using all of us ?�� ❞ her jaw tightened , and her throat felt sore from the lump she was trying to push down . glossy hues hazed over , and tears rendered her hopeless . ❝ for christ sake — i feel fucking worthless . ❞
❝ you think i’ve moved on ? you think i don’t think about them every single day ? you think —– that i can’t even look at someone who might even in the slightest of possibilities , actually like me — without wondering how the hell i’m ever supposed to get over it . ❞ her teeth gritted with that last part . because she already felt guilty , she already felt like a terrible person some days . she already felt like giving up . she didn’t mean to jump ship like that , she didn’t mean to move on from one person to another . she’s just so — fucking lonely . and she was manipulated . they all were . ❝ i am soooo tired – brooke . i’m so tired of being the one that puts the pieces back together for everyone else but myself ! i’m exhausted , of feeling this way — and i’m terrified . all the fucking time . i haven’t slept in three days . i’m so tired , okay ?! i’m tired ! ❞ the anger seeped through a bitterness she couldn’t taste . because somewhere , along the line , she buried these feelings . she buried them six feet under with all their friends . because they needed her to be strong . they needed her to do the right thing . so she did . ❝ i’m not okay . ❞ a sniffle , and god she’s so close to the edge . so close to breaking this time . —- for good . ❝ i love you , i’m not — better than you . i don’t know why you insist on the idea that i am , or that people think that for some reason the way you grieve is less than the way i do . you’re allowed to be pissed , you’re even allowed to — hate me for it . but god , you’re not the only one allowed to be hurt ! ❞ her hands are wavering as she speaks , before her index finger rests pointing at her chest with the next raise of her voice . ❝ he was my friend too , brooke . and i loved him , and i lost him too . ❞ not in the same way , but love nonetheless .
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Milk and honey, Rupi Kaur.
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❝ i’ve got a girl out there crying over you , because she cares so much . and i’m in here trying to figure out why , because i can’t see what’s worth caring about . ❞ @selftormented
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“you okay?”
* / send “you okay?” to find my muse sitting alone on a roof at night.
𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒 , staining them a bright crimson . eyes are swollen and itchy , the cityscapes the only thing that really keep her attention . only one other person knows about this spot , and she can’t be mad at him for finding her , she can’t be mad when he climbs up the fire escape . not when he’s the one who’s showed it to her . quickly , she wipes away any remaining tears from her features , though the sniffle in her chest reveals that she’s been crying . she hates it when people are around to see , it makes her feel weak . it always had . it just reminded her of all the times she lost it back in school , all the watching eyes , the pity – the confusion , the way they judged her . nate wasn’t like that , he was the last person on the planet that would ever be that person . but she can’t help it , she’s always just — held it all in , until someday , it overflowed all at once . ❝ hey – ❞ her voice cracked , and she doesn’t have to look at nate to see the muscles tightening in his jaw . who hurt her — he’d find out , even if she doesn’t tell him . brows furrow , and she purses her lips . emma shakes her head , and he’s slow stepping by her side . she’s on the edge of the building , feet dangling off the side of a brick wall . she adjusts her body on the concrete , making room for him as he sits . her head rests on his shoulder , and she tries to keep it together . but god , she just feels so alone lately . that’s the concept though , she wasn’t . alone and lonely , were two entirely different things – even if their threads got knotted from time to time . ❝ i um , had a date tonight .. ❞
she shakes her head , because she knows how it sounds . ❝ it’s dumb - i-it’s stupid . i shouldn’t be .. crying over a stupid .. ❞ she’s frustrated , poor thing . her emotions are just too heavy to bear , and maybe she just – wanted to feel normal for once . wanted to feel like a girl her age , a girl that .. went out on dates , and didn’t have to look over her shoulder and wonder . didn’t have to question every little thing , every misconception , every text . for christ sake , she wasn’t in high-school anymore . everyone was moving on with their lives , everyone but emma . ❝ he’s a jerk .. ❞ they all were , it seemed like . gaze adjusted , meeting his through long wet lashes .. — well , all but one .. she wipes her eyes again , his arm wrapping around a pair of dainty shoulders and giving her a tiny squeeze . ❝ sometimes i feel like —- i’m the only person in the world .. ❞ a purse of lips , emma duval was never this sad . not usually , but tonight felt like .. it was too much . ❝ n-no matter what i do ---- i feel like i-i’m losing . ❞
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leaves her a note professing everything he feels for her then leaves. BYE
* / unprompted asks ! aka my heart . ( foreva accepting ! )
𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐀 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐀 𝐃𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐋 . for a creature so captivated by feelings , the universe never seemed to give her a break . falling for one bad decsion after another , each time a little less hopeful than the last . how long until she gave herself away completely ? how long until each person she bumped into , took her pieces little by little ? she wondered if they keep them , or pass them off to the next . pea was never supposed to hurt her , it was never supposed to end up like this . ignored phone calls , sideways glances until he disappeared at the sight of her . watching him unravel with girl’s she barely knew —- girls she could have hated . it would have been easy , to confine that envy into something venomous and cruel . and god , she was so mad at him . mad at herself for letting it get this far too . it’s why she’s walking into the space of her hallway. one foot in front of another , you could do it – just keep trying . she doesn’t bother to look at her phone , it’ll be empty with nothing from him . every time she tried to sleep , she was taken back to dreams of panting breath , and entangled bed sheets . stop thinking about him , stop thinking about him . he doesn’t care emma , nobody cares as much as you do — it’s practically pathetic . she thought a shower might help , but all it does is keep her headache unraveled in long wet locks . fingertips comb through , tossing the towel on the ground . – how messy , just like her heart . brows arch , and something is different .
a letter is slipped under the door — how long had it been there . heart races , please not again - anything but secrets . she’s almost afraid to open it , afraid that another plague of serial killers have found their witty little revenge . stalkers , ex boyfriend — ex friends . she’s almost dizzy , fingertips trembling slightly as she ripped the paper open . dark hues skim across the pages . not a threat — but something entirely different . i’m sorry i couldn’t tell you in person , i’m sorry that i ruined us . but the truth is , for someone incredibly small , i am absolutely petrified of you , and the way you make me feel . i’m not good at this sort of thing , i’ve already hurt you once , who’s to say i won’t do it again ? god , i love you emma . i’ve loved you from the second i met you , and every second after that . i just didn’t know it . i’m such a fucking joke . i’m sorry that i can’t be what you want . i’m sorry that i’ll never be that guy for you . because you deserve it , you deserve more than anyone in the fucking world . i love you , i love you . but i can’t do this . goodbye princess - pea .
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@ragdolled
Are you sure you’re not sad? Eh? Eh? Eh?
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random edits 012 ; look at her , look aT HER , LOOK AT HER !
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send “you okay?” to find my muse sitting alone on a roof at night.
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* / @warfuckd
𝐍𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 , 𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐔𝐄𝐒 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐏 . there’s a glance one over his features , and there’s a tiny shrug of her shoulders . ❝ you don’t have to do what everyone expects of you , vik . ❞ words come out laced in ever-endearing sweetness . because she wondered if he really knew -- he was a tornado of a boy . ❝ i mean , i - ❞ she purses her lips and closes the cover of the hardback in her hands . ❝ everyone’s too scared to ask me , and i’m -- not really a dancing kind of girl anymore . ❞ but she smiles anyways . ❝ who’d you ask ? ❞
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HOW MUCH OF A SINNER IS YOUR MUSE ??
TAGGED BY : @mieczlw ;-)
TAGGING : u beech .
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⮚ 𝐞𝐦𝐦𝐚
𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄, pointer finger pushing up the glasses slipping off of his face. ❝ if you’re like cat-woman then i call dips on batman … you know, a low tech one. ❞ a single thought — life would be a whole hell of a lot easier with a car to move around the city. ❝ oh yeah !? ❞ amusement spreads across soft features, eyebrows remaining suspended on his forehead. ❝ you willin’ to make a wager, you should know, i was in wrestling my freshman year of high school. makes me a certified badass. ❞ another laugh is choked down at the ridiculous statement to keep the smug expression intact.
𝐃𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄 she scrunches her nose in between a laugh , and shakes her head at him . ❝ you’d make an excellent batman . but with like , pepper spray or something . ❞ she teases , pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to suppress another grin . laughter escapes her though , so it’s to no avail . she lets out a tiny shrug of dainty shoulders , held tilting in immediate sarcasm . ❝ i mean , yeah . ❞ she taunts , and it’s on purpose . for whatever reason , things are easy with him . the back and forth , the banter . emma enjoys just — being around him . it’s simple , and maybe that was he crush talking — but she liked him as a friend , before anything else . ❝ i’m not usually the gambling kinda’ girl , but i feel pretty confident on this . ❞ a scrunch of playful brows . ❝ what does the winner get ? ❞
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mieczlw ft .
a glance down to that offered hand and he’s moving. he’s slow to his feet , shuffling them as he walks ; he doesn’t have the strength to lift his legs much. reaching he places his hand into hers , the contrast between calloused and soft instantly felt. he lets the blonde lead as they make their way up the stairs and to his bedroom , guidance admittedly needed. “ i don’t want to become too —- dependent. “ he avows , head dipped to focus on where he walks. “ i should be the one taking care of you. “
she could navigate this place in the dark by now , if she needed to . fingertips unravel , calloused palms pressed against smooth skin . a tiny embrace , that emits nothing but warmth . his bedroom door creaks with the sound of footsteps , night shadows sneaking in through cracked blinds with the headlights of passing by cars . he wasn’t the only one awake at this hour , it seemed . brows furrow with a familiar crinkle finding the space in-between . body turns , chin tilted just slightly as she finds his gaze . ❝ shouldn’t we depend on each other ? ❞ it was a two-way street , something she often had to remind him . a free hand touches his cheek , down the slope of his jaw . ❝ what’s wrong ? ❞ something more , something less ? she needed to be sure . ❝ being with you takes care of me . ❞
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