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Reliably chaotic our hearts become in Love and Death - one of many caprichos created by Francisco Goya (No. 10. 1799) Where does Love end and Death begin? Are the consequences of both felt in viewing the probable demise of both phenomena? How do Love and Death come to a state of romantic agony? The gentleman’s exhausted sigh, his last breath completed with a frail forfeiture into the arms of Love, is heaved into our hearts. A fallen saber solemnly admits defeat in the fight for life - or has Love sacrificed a defensive action in order to console Death? In Love and in Death it is easy to witness the affection that both have had towards one another. Mouths close in proximity as if the exchange of desperate breaths for a few fleeting moments to continue a doomed embrace. Entwined to suffer under a brooding sky that is both light and dark - as in Love and Death. The masonry provides support for the couple in their last moments together but does nothing to protect them. Who is who? Are Love and Death complicated lovers destined to conquer each other in an awful method as an attempt to understand each other? Is Death a hero? Is Love a villain? As Death conquers consciousness it will become clear when Love and Death conquer and embrace for one last faint breath and a quiet, last gasp from the heart. The Jesus Lizard’s album “Down” encapsulates the metronomic deception of the heart. Steady in its delivery of uneasy repetition of the rhythm of the growl of the bass and steady glances of time from the pounding drum set. The chaotic treble of the guitar. The mania put forth by the vocals. Take the time to crank this album as loud as possible and enjoy the line work, frailty, and tragedy that is Love and Death. Track  12 - Elegy is the most fitting.

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Painting: Hieronymus Bosch - Death and the Miser Music: Om - Variations on a Theme

The work of Hieronymous Bosch is, to me, from another world. Hundreds of years later the boundless imagination lives on in many forms of our daily existence inspiring newer works of art and film. Unapologetic in his rendition of humanity's mortality his work in Death and the Miser is a stark reminder that we all will meet our maker - or perhaps nothing at all.

The Miser, extending his hand to take a bribe looks to Death with a solemn stare. Christ on the crucifix struggles to let the light through as the angel pleads him to consider his salvation from past transgressions during his life and accept the son of God as his savior.

Above the Miser sits, almost salivating, a demon ready to extradite him to his chamber of Hell. The window behind the demon has no light passing through as though everything behind the Demon is a wake of nothingness. In the foreground we see a glimpse of the Miser's past. A soldier - likely corrupt, given the bedside demon delivering a fresh bribe - that appears to have been of some importance as there is both a sword and what looks to be a joust-type weapon to be carried on horse back. In the middle ground is likely our Miser in slightly better health from his past. He is seen depositing his payment into his locker while another demon assists in the collection of his money. While contributing to his savings he is seen holding onto his rosary, in addition to his cane. The physical and moral instability of the younger Miser is evident with holding onto both of these objects in one hand and depositing his coins brought on by questionable tasks.

Below the locker we see another demon in a chaotic, crushing desperation to deliver one final letter of orders before it's too late. He looks as though he has raced Death to the room in a final attempt to execute one more job before Death can pierce the Miser's spirit with his spear.

Relating to Om's Variation on a Theme on the first track I can hear the march of depraved mercenaries on their way to wreak havoc on unaware nobility for the expansion of a greedy lord's legacy. It is sinister and driving - unfaltering. It is a long journey with the need to execute the task no matter the circumstances.

The second track makes me think of the driving force of Death's power and grace. Death's movement through space and time is limitless and flawless. How we embrace or reject Death is futile when the time comes and the journey will be carried by the acceptance of ourselves and the forgiveness of everything.

The third track is the transcension of the Miser's spirit to a cosmos understood by no human. A driving hymn of a steady rhythm to lull the spirit into submission and acceptance that it not longer needs the physical world and can move onto a new being. The physical forms may change but the spirit is steadfast - whether good or evil.

A high resolution image of Bosch’s Death and the Miser can be seen here.

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[sdkhmedia]

fifteen years after kid a.

i am in a position in my life where loss feels fresh but the future is feeling ever ready to fruit and ripen. day one was abysmal. day two was a little better. day three was struggle. then counting days felt juvenile because it meant there was a false purpose to catalogue recent past.

so kid a was reborn.

when i find myself in the most confusing time of my life- each one seemingly more awkward- i revert to the most awkward prolonged moment: adolescence.

the strangeness of finding yourself amongst others trying to find themselves is typical for the first twenty-two years (and oftentimes longer). but for me there was music. playing listening dancing watching absorbing hearing. i had a love for creating a stable world that people couldn’t take and i had the ability to shake the timbers in my world for no other reasons than to challenge myself. the benefit of growing in a house with david bowie, frank zappa, lou reed, the talking heads, mozart and james brown. artists that challenged their peers’ ideas of what should and could be done. their boldness gave me a hall pass to never fear expression in my initially timid years of teen-aged confusion.

but fifteen years ago my fundamental understanding of everything i knew of music (and myself) became fragmented into something more complicated than i thought i would ever be able to comprehend.

i listened to radiohead’s kid a.

i know for some people it seems inconsequential - but i know that there are many people that have that ‘kid a moment.’ it’s not a form of elitism and it comes in many forms of art, literature, science and philosophy - a eureka moment that the world is bigger than you and that it’s okay the world is bigger.

i take comfort in going through my awkward transitions in life because kid a is the cat on the window sill with the pensive and, at times, absent stare. with its constant rhythmic purring and erratic blinks and twitches while the world outside changes every second. a thousand layers of sound waves flowing from a group of men and computers.

kid a does not stop me from doing because every day is another opportunity to reach my Kid A and go beyond.