shiphaussecretsanta

[shiphaussecretsanta]

that’s it for gifts that i’ve received so far! i’m sorry if some of you didn’t receive anything but please feel free to come into my ask box on @kovntag and ask for a drabble or some headcanons or smth so you aren’t left out.

thanks to everyone who participated and see you next year 💕

[shiphaussecretsanta]

Inside Job

gift from @kovntag to @funheist

ship: killems

message: hey nik i kinda went… a little overboard with it (like 3,000 words overboard) but u deserve it + more! i hope you like it ily

Adam can’t really be upset about the whole thing, because the gist of this is going to dinner in a swanky, five star, food-is-too-small-for-the-plate restaurant. That’s the plan at its most basic.

Now, if you wanted to get into specifics, the plan is more complex than that. See, Fakehaus had gotten word that a new, budding crew was encroaching on their space, getting too friendly with crew borders. From word of mouth, the crew was small compared to Fakehaus, four people, maybe. Lawrence had dug up some dirt on them and found that they’d been cobbled together from a now-defunct crew made up of a mostly white collar crime syndicate which had gotten busted not even a year ago. The new crew had risen quickly, gotten a name for themselves by selling their skills in torture to the highest bidder. Then they’d branched out to drugs, hits, anything Fakehaus did.

The plan is James’: get in, bug the place, maybe figure out what the crew wants, and get out.

Adam shifts gears in his bright orange Lamborghini, James buttoning the cuff of his suit beside him. They’re both wearing them, James with a black suit Bruce picked out for him with a blue shirt Matt chose, while Elyse and Lawrence had dressed Adam in his grey suit and black shirt combo, a tie thrown in and everything. His tie is now in the backseat where he’s decided that he doesn’t want to get food or blood on it (if it even comes down to it; in this business, he’s never sure where the night is going to take him).

As they pull up to the restaurant, Adam glances at James, who smiles at him like he knows exactly how the night is going to go.

Adam steps out of the car, walks around to meet James while the valet takes their car. James is still smiling as they stand next to each other in front of the restaurant, and Adam feels a sort of restlessness crawl up his spine.

“Ready?” James asks, almost quiet. Adam feels James’ hand brush past his, in reassurance or tenderness or both.

All Adam does is nod. As they walk up to the restaurant, Adam takes in the small part of the dim room he can see through the glass door. It’s a swanky place alright, but the pictures online didn’t do it justice. The glass doorway is the only window in the place, while the rest of the restaurant seems to reside in a concrete box. The name of the restaurant is scrawled on the side reads Argent in an overly complicated script.

From what little Adam can see, the place is almost packed, so finding their targets is going to prove harder than they anticipated. He just hopes these guys are as big of showboats as Lawrence told them they were going to be.

Before they get to the door, James jogs a little ahead and pulls it open for Adam, an action which makes Adam scoff and roll his eyes before he walks through the open door, James following behind soon after.

“I can open doors, y’know.”

Adam can feel James’ presence behind him as he scoffs, almost mocking, in answer. “Never said you couldn’t, but I am still a gentleman.” He leans in to Adam’s ear. “Sting operation date or not.”

Before Adam can comment on his closeness or even cherish it, James is pulling away and Adam holds back the noise that almost escapes him. The thing is, James and Adam both agreed a few months back that dating wouldn’t be in the crew’s best interest. Relationships complicate things, yeah? So what if they kissed once? They still had an unspoken game of dating chicken. It wasn’t an intentional one, just… Adam told James he didn’t want to complicate their relationship and James respected that. But by now, Adam has acknowledged to himself only that he’s very wrong about that fact. He would date James in a heartbeat. But James is still giving him space, even though Adam is almost sure James knows that Adam wants to go out with him. It’s sweet in one way, annoying in the other, especially with what this night entails.

James pulls away from Adam’s back as if nothing has happened and walks up to the hostess with a smile on his face. He gives the cover name for their reservation and the hostess smiles and proclaims their table is ready, picking up menus before she leads them over to it.

In their walk there, Adam gives the inside a bit of a once-over. Some canned piano music plays while people talk quietly amongst themselves over the small tea candles laid on the tables. Most are pairs with the odd threes or fours but in the corner, between the bar and a wall, a group of six people sits together, all splayed over what looks to be a black and white couch. They’re laughing at something while a blonde man reaches over the table and pours champagne into another man’s cup, this one with long hair in a bun, overflowing it on purpose and watching as the man displays fond irritation.

As they get seated, Adam takes the seat facing the party. The other crew. They really were not hard to find at all. Their mannerisms scream Hey! This place is a front for our illegal business and we’re cocky enough not to hide it!

The hostess asks for any drinks to start them off and James doesn’t even open the menu as he says, “Krug Grande Cuvée, if you have any.”

“Good choice,” the hostess says, smiling at them before promising their waiter will be with them shortly. James almost beams with pride as she leaves, and Adam’s eyes drift from James to the people in the corner again.

James leans his elbows on the table, lays his chin in his hands, as if fawning over Adam. “So?” He asks, blinking at him slowly.

“There’s six of them,” Adam murmurs.

“No,” James pouts briefly. “I meant, what did you think of my champagne knowledge?”

“Oh, that was champagne?”

James sighs, exasperated. “I wouldn’t have asked you out if I knew you didn’t appreciate the finer things in life.”

Adam lets his eyes shift back to James. He lifts an eyebrow and says, “You didn’t ask me out, though.”

“It was my plan.”

“And then Bruce asked me out for you.”

“Yeah but who told Bruce?” James taps the side of his head with his finger. “You gotta look at the bigger picture, Adam.”

“Which is what? You were afraid to ask me out on a fake date?”

James shakes his head. “No! Papa Bruce just helped me by suggesting you come with me.���

“Ah. Still unsure what the bigger picture is.”

Adam watches as James leans back in his chair and unbuttons his suit jacket. His eyes are soft as he says, “I’unno yet. Guess we’ll figure it out together.”

The weight James’ words carry make Adam nervous, or maybe Adam is reading too much into them. Either way, he clears his throat and jokes, “Hope you know I’ll be rating this fake date at the end of it.”

“Ooo,” James straightens up in his chair. “Better make a good impression then.”

Adam thinks he’s joking but James reaches a hand out, lays it on the table, palm upturned, as if asking for Adam’s hand. Adam hesitates to lift his hand to meet it but he thinks twice, says to himself, It’s a job. This time, it’s just a job. Not the real thing, not… yet. He lays his hand on top of James’, fingers hesitant as James turns his hand, links their fingers together, smiles at Adam warmly. God, he hopes James doesn’t think this is just a job, because this is going to affect Adam one way or another. But, for now, and because Adam prides himself on being a professional, he does not dwell on how good James’ eyes look in conjunction with his shirt.

As Adam dwells on not dwelling on James’ eyes, their waiter walks up, champagne bottle in hand. He greets them and shows the bottle to James, who gives the label a once over while his thumb absently traces circles on Adam’s hand. James nods in approval and the waiter pours the drinks, Adam letting his eyes drift back over to the group in the corner. As he watches, he thinks of their half-baked plan. When Lawrence pulled up what little pictures they had of the crew, none of them recognized them, so it was a safe bet to go undercover with minimal cover. Bruce still insisted on parking the rest of the crew in a van in the alley around the corner, much to James’ complaining. So they were covered, in theory. Adam still had to call Bruce if anything happened. Which nothing would, because as he watches the other crew out of the corner of his eye, he definitely does not recognize any of them, which is weird. The crew is new but the money is not, apparently. They have this place, which doesn’t seem like it came cheap at all. But it’s their hub for anything, and so, here Fakehaus is.

They’re flashy, Lawrence was right about that. They have gold on their necks and logos shining on their clothes. Adam lets his eyes drift to the corner of their table and is almost startled when he catches a bearded man staring back at him, eyes discerning, a worn backwards ball cap on his head clashing with his expensive-looking suit. Before Adam can break off eye contact, the man looks away, showing no emotion on his face as he does. The man looks back to his group as Adam goes back to looking at James.

With a shock, he realizes their hands are still clasped between them. He makes a conscious effort to take his hand away and to play it off as casual, his hand going for his glass of champagne. James doesn’t say anything about it, but rather, grabs his own glass and holds it out for a toast. After they’ve clinked, James looks at Adam over the rim of his glass, his eyes holding some sort of feeling in them. A feeling that Adam isn’t sure is genuine yet. God, Adam is going to make it through tonight if it kills him.

—

The food turns out to be good. Really good. Adam is sad that the portions are so small and a little angry that this crew’s place is actually turning out some quality and legitimate shit. Why are these guys in the crime business if the restaurant business is going so well for them? Beats the fuck out of Adam, but he isn’t about to start questioning motives.

Halfway through their second course, some steak for Adam and fish for James, James holds out his fork for Adam to taste some again, like he had for their appetizer round. And Adam can’t find it in himself to roll his eyes again so he just leans in and lets James feed him, biting into the fish and potatoes. It’s extremely good. Adam avoids moaning.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees movement at the crew’s table. With his eyes fixed on James, Adam tracks the man who gets up, watching through his periphery as he walks across the salon and heads down the hallway to the bathroom. Adam swallows his bite and wipes his mouth with his napkin, says, “Bathroom,” hopes James understands his unspoken message.

The hallway is substantially quieter than the salon. He hears the sound of it die down behind him as he scans the hallway and its closed doors, the dim lighting not helping him in this case. He thinks he hears a man’s voice coming from the last door, a suspicion that’s confirmed when the man with the baseball cap comes out of it, turning out the light before he closes the door without locking it. The man is on the phone, distracted it seems, and Adam takes it as an opportunity. He slips a hand into his pants pocket and feels for the bug that Lawrence made for them. Adam watches as the man walks down the hallway, not even sparing a glance at Adam as he passes, murmuring heatedly about “No, it has to be tomorrow, at the warehouse,” while Adam makes his move, hoping and praying that the man doesn’t notice as Adam slips the bug into his blazer pocket.

Adam doesn’t stick around to see if he made him or not. He just slips into the bathroom and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees it’s empty.

Before he can lock himself in a stall, his phone rings, startling him, just a little. The caller ID says Bruce and he sighs, hates that he has to do this but the guy could still be here, be outside the door. Adam still isn’t in the clear. So he answers his phone and says, “Uh… hey, dad.”

He can’t tell if Bruce is amused by the prospect of being called dad or not. All Bruce asks is, “Are they there?”

“Yeah.” Adam replies, remembering what little coded speak Fakehaus has. “Sixth of June, I think?”

“Six at a table?” Bruce repeats back to him, understanding. “Do any of them suspect you?”

“I don’t think so, dad. And I don’t know if I can visit yet.”

“Okay, eyes everywhere, but you’re okay. Listen, Lawrence mapped the place out and Elyse can get in and bug the manager’s office. You need to make a distraction.”

Adam furrows his brow. “Is mom going to like that?”

“Elyse’ll be quick, in and out. She needs five minutes, tops.”

“Yeah, I’m doing it. Pretty soon, too. We’re about to have dessert.”

“Suit pocket, you should have a ring in it.”

Wait, what? Adam resists the urge to touch his breast pocket. A what?

Because Adam doesn’t say anything, Bruce sounds persuasive as he bargains, “It’ll buy us some time, Adam.”

Adam flits through annoyance, exasperation, tiredness, before accepting his fate. “Thanks for mom’s ring, dad. I’m just nervous to do it in front of so many people.”

“You’ll be fine,” Bruce sounds like he’s smiling. “Do it at exactly 10 o’clock, regardless of if you’re eating dessert or not.”

“Okay dad. I love you. Text you when it’s done.”

Bruce’s answering goodbye is sickly sweet, saying, “Bye, sweetheart.”

He hangs up and realizes, he hates Bruce, just a little. He stares at his phone while it flashes 9:50 pm up to him and he realizes he hates Bruce a lot.

Pocketing his phone, Adam heaves a sigh. God, he feels nervous. More nervous than he should. Now, he feels into his suit pocket and locates the ring, which is a simple, silver band. Jesus, he’s really gotta do this, huh?

As he walks out of the bathroom, he thinks about proposals. He doesn’t think the time he proposed to Bruce as a way of scamming the government for money as an actual marriage proposal, mostly because they were drunk and young. So, basically, he’s gotta wing this thing. Fuck, okay.

Before he gets to their table, he locates their waiter and pulls him aside to say, “Hey, I’m about to propose to my… partner. Can you turn the music down or something?”

The look of enthusiasm their waiter gives makes Adam even more nervous, if that’s even possible. The waiter scurries off to the back of the restaurant and Adam braces himself. He checks his phone. 9:53. Okay. He can do this.

Adam walks back to the table, noticing that James has already finished with his food. Adam’s food sits almost untouched but he can’t even think about eating now. God, why is he so nervous? It’s just something that’s necessary to the job! It won’t be real.

He sits down stiffly. James gives him a concerned look which Adam shakes his head at. He positions his phone beside him. 9:55.

The music over the speakers dies down and the chatter around them dies down a bit with it. Adam shakes himself.

James leans in and lowers his voice as he asks, “Is the cat okay?” Were you made? in coded.

“Cat’s fine. It’s about something else.” 9:57.

Their waiter picks up their plates and asks about dessert. Adam shakes his head at the same time James nods and the waiter looks between them. Adam clarifies, “After.” The waiter nods knowingly while James looks so confused.

When the waiter leaves, James leans in again, eyes even more concerned. Asks, “Are you okay?”

Adam nods again. 9:59. He gets up abruptly and James looks at him like he’s seriously considering calling in Bruce to help with whatever is happening right now.

Adam clears his throat and says, loud enough that the people around him will hear, “Honey, I….” He gulps and finds his knees stiff and he gets down on one knee beside their table. James’ face morphs from concern to surprise.

“Honey.” Adam says again, speaking loudly so that he’s sure he has people’s attention. The restaurant is mildly quieter, so he thinks it’s working. He continues, “It’s been four years since we met,” Adam remembers it clearly, smiles to himself. “Unexpectedly, you came into my life. But, definitely for the better. It’s been such a joy to watch you grow so much. We both have grown, you and I, partners in crime.” At that, Adam watches as James suppresses a laugh. “And now, I want to continue to grow with you. For a while if you’ll have me. So, I ask,” He holds out the ring. “Will you marry me?”

James’ eyes are shining when Adam finishes. The salon is incredibly quiet, save for the quiet clattering of plates.

James sounds so fond when he says, “Of course I will, baby.”

Adam lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He slips the ring onto the hand James offers and stands as James stands, finding himself enveloped in a hug by him. He laughs a little breathlessly, hearing the people around them give them some applause. God, who knew fake proposing to your crush would be so hard?

When they settle back into their chairs, the people in the tables next to them share congratulations. Adam feels happy, in that moment. James looks at him like he hasn’t ever seen a better person than Adam. Adam glances back to the corner where the other crew sits, looking at them while they talk amongst themselves. They’re smiling, and even the man with beard raises a glass up at them. Adam smiles, keeping up his cover and hoping he really hasn’t been made, when their waiter comes back dutifully and offers them dessert. James orders one dessert for them and asks for two spoons. Adam smiles at the prospect.

When their dessert comes, James picks up a spoon and leans in, asks in a hushed voice. “Bruce told you to do that?”

Adam nods, picking up a spoon and speaking as quiet as he can as he says, “Distraction for Elyse.”

James hums and digs into their cake. They both have a bite before James speaks again, his voice soft as he asks, “Did you mean that speech?”

Adam shrugs. He pokes at the cake, feeling like he shouldn’t say anything but opening his mouth anyway, “Yes. Maybe not the marriage part yet.”

James’ smile is sly as he brings a piece of cake up to his mouth. “Yet?”

“It’s our first date. Think it’s a little early to talk about so much commitment.”

“Oop. Don’t wanna scare the baby!”

Adam kicks him softly under the table. Finds his foot stays tangled between James’ after he’s done.

—

The restaurant gives them a discount on their dessert but the bill is still very high.

When they leave, they tip the valet guy and drive around the block, taking a convoluted route to get back to the stakeout van where they’re supposed to meet. Adam leaves the car a street over and they walk to the van, waving to Matt who sits in the driver’s seat.

Bruce opens the door in the back after James knocks and asks, “How’d it go?”

“Great,” James says as he climbs into the van. “Got a ring I can pawn off now.” He flashes his hand to James and Elyse who nod appreciatively while Adam gives Bruce his best (fake) annoyed look. Bruce just rolls his eyes at him and helps him in the van, closes the door.

They settle in as Bruce asks, “Was the whole crew there?”

Adam shrugs, “I think so. They were partying it up big time. Two women and four men, but there could be more. The place was packed, Bruce. You wouldn’t think it’s a cover.”

James chimes in with, “Maybe it wasn’t. The food was so good, I—”

That’s when Lawrence cuts in, his voice nervous as he pulls off his headphones. “Guys? You might want to hear this.”

He unplugs the headphones and turns up the volume on the laptop.

“—haus?” A voice floods the van. “Fakehaus, hello? Are you there?” Adam’s eyes widen when he realizes he recognizes the voice. He heard it earlier, in the hallway, when he dropped the bug in the man’s pocket and the man walked past, speaking— “Hope you are, because if you aren’t that’d be unfortunate. Anyway, don’t know what your play was but your burglar left our window unlocked and your bug guy looked nervous. Was that proposal real, by the way? Looked real. If it wasn’t, it was convincing as hell. Hey, maybe you just came here to our restaurant in our turf to propose to each other. Some sort of weird power move. But, whatever. Just, if you want to talk, we’ll be here. Come visit us, it’ll be fun. Hope something is recording this because that’d be a waste. Okay, goodnight!” The bug sounds like it’s dropped or mishandled before it goes dead.

Adam stares at Lawrence’s equipment in abject horror.

“Well.” James says. “Cat’s out.”

Bruce stifles a laugh.

“Wait,” Lawrence says, “Picking something up on the bug Elyse left.” He taps a few keys on his laptop and fiddles with the equipment before another voice comes through the speakers, a different man speaking, saying, “Fake Chop crew, out!” The bug goes dead, too.

Adam leans against the wall of the van while James scrubs a hand down his face. Bruce shakes his head. “Jeez.”

“What just happened?” Elyse asks.

James replies, “I think we just got played.”

Now, Bruce actually laughs. “Elyse, go tell Matt we gotta go. You two,” he motions to Adam and James. “Work out your prenup later.”

Adam glares at him just a little as Elyse climbs out of the back. As Matt turns on the van and starts driving, James shuffles over to sit in front of Adam. Adam notes how Bruce leaves Adam’s side and settles into the other side of the van.

James asks, “Prenup?”

Adam shakes his head. “I’ll just take the ring back.”

“Ouch,” James says but takes off the ring anyway, plays with it in his hands. Says, “Instead of a prenup, how about a second date?”

Adam pretends not to notice Bruce and Lawrence staring at them. He replies, “One condition. We don’t go back to that place.”

James huffs a laugh. “That’s a hard yes.”

Smiling, Adam says, “Then it’s a hard yes.”

“Stop talking about being hard!” Lawrence cuts in while Bruce laughs. James throws him the ring to shut him up but it just makes the laughter peak.

God, his crew is made up of assholes. Adam just makes a mental note to ask Bruce about the totally unplanned ring in his suit jacket later. He has an inkling of whose idea it was and the answer probably rhymes with everybody in the fucking crew.

#shiphaus #killems #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #submission

[shiphaussecretsanta]

ticking

gift from @lackyducks to @mattorade: i hope you enjoy it and that it is sad enough for you <3!

ship: killems (james/adam)

warnings for main character death!

Adam is shot.

It happens in less than a second. One moment he’s cracking a joke, James looking over to him with a smile. He can hear the others over the earpiece, laughing along with him. The area outside the vault is empty besides them, James setting up his explosives. Haus is big, and loud, and why bother with fancy drills when you can just blow it instead? Adam is watching James’ back, gun tucked into his chest, eyes soft and scrunched as he smiles, a silent fire burning behind them.

James turns back to the vault door and that’s when it happens.

There’s a shot, not one from their guns. James spins, gun grabbed from his hip in an instant, firing on the unfamiliar figure and what kind of bank has hidden doors? Adam is already falling and James watches with a complete feeling of uselessness. He doesn’t think besides Adam, rushes to him, searching for the bullet. It caught him in his arm, why do they get the one guy who’s a shitty shot? Why not into the vest? James’ movements are almost feverish, pulling Adam up in front of him, hands cupping his cheeks.

“Oh god, Adam, fuck,” He mutters, nonsensically trying to pull him closer.

Adam laughs, a harsh, tired sound, weaved with pain, “James, you’re panicking more than I am.” James gives him a shocked stare, purses his lips at him.

“You were just shot, Adam.”

“I’ve been shot before, James.” Adam is quick to reply, although he winces immediately after, hand reaching up to the bloody arm. James is immediately beating him to it, pressing on the wound as Adam groans, leans forward and then freezes, “James!” He’s looking over his shoulder, James twists.

He’s too late, a piercing alarm screeches out, the doors slamming on either side of them. James shoots, but not before the man he thought was dead does. It hits the vault door, goes wide, and the man collapses as blood splatters behind him. James didn’t even realise he’d tucked Adam into his chest until Adam’s looking up again, blinking blankly. He seems a lot more out of it, suddenly. James can’t work out why, just holds him tight. He can barely hear the others’ voices, actually no, he can’t hear the others at all. He puts his hand to his ear, presses in the earpiece. There’s nothing, maybe a buzz he can’t quite hear over the siren. He doesn’t think Adam’s noticed, he hopes Adam hasn’t noticed.

“Hey, babe, you with me?” James asks, softly. Adam blinks his eyes a little more, nods and rests his head on James’ shoulder.

“‘M here, it’s fine.” Adam lazily shrugs, wincing a little more after. He doesn’t lift his head from James’ shoulder, instead sighs out, long and slow. “Just a bit tired.”

“Yeah, well, don’t fall asleep on me. Like you said Mr. ‘I’ve been shot before’.” Adam laughs at that, James can feel him smile against him. Adam goes quiet and James feels a cold realisation in his stomach. He props Adam up against one of the desks, as gentle as he can. With a glance at the doors, he grabs his knife from its holster, brings it to his own sleeve, tears it off. “Right, move your hand, let’s get this bandaged.”

“Cool, dad.”

James rolls his eyes, “Keep your kinks out of the bank we’re robbing.”

“Of course, daddy.” Adam holds the ‘y’ for effect. James huffs out a laugh, hardly able to feel it past the lump in his throat. He pulls Adam’s sleeve up, feels Adam whine as the threads are pulled out of the wound.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” He whispers, ties the torn sleeve around the wound. He’s never been the best at first aid. “Right, up you go.” He pulls Adam’s arm, hears his cry but manages to get it rested upwards against the desk. That’s about all he knows, pressure and keep it raised. There are tears gathering in Adam’s eyes and James carefully rubs them away. “There you go, all done.”

“Sorry,” Adam bites out, breathlessly, “Never gets easier.”

“I know.” James stands up, Adam follows him with his eyes, follows as James walks to the door, finally looks at it.

It’s shut, completely barred down. James can’t see what’s on the other side anymore, and he guesses the other door looks the same. He’s trapped, Adam’s trapped, and Adam is bleeding and he can’t even contact the rest of the crew. This is the worst.

Adam groans, and James turns to look at him, “Are- Are we stuck?” James has to avoid Adam’s eyes, take a breath.

“Yeah,” he admits, Just loud enough to be heard over the sirens. Adam frowns, his head falling back against the desk. He looks as frustrated as James feels, but a lot tireder. There’s blood stained around the wound, beginning to drip down his arm. James walks over, uses the bottom of his shirt to wipe it off.

“Isn’t this one of your favourite shirts?” Adam is looking up at him with slowly blinking eyes, eyelids barely staying open.

“You’re one of my favourite people,” Adam smiles at him, and James can’t help but smile back. He needs to be smart, wait for the others to realise they’re missing. All he has to do is keep Adam alive, he can manage that.

“You know that’s. That’s really gay.” Adam mutters. James flicks at him, Adam giggling as he leans away.

“We’re dating, Adam!”

“That’s gay, too.” James shakes his head, glad at least that Adam seems responsive still. He finally bites the bullet, sits down beside him. Adam leans over onto James’ side. His arm remains up, even if it is a bit limp.

It’s then that James hears the ticking.

It’s barely distinguishable over the sirens, James is pretty sure he can only hear it because he knows it. He risks a glance at Adam’s face and he seems blessedly unaware of the sound. He props him back on the desk, stands. Adam whines after him, but this time his eyes aren’t following. He slumps back in what James thinks is meant to be a pout. James tears his gaze away, takes careful steps to the vault door as if he’s not sure he wants to confirm his suspicions or not.

He stands there, staring at the digital numbers. He can’t help it; he collapses against it, body arched to avoid touching the explosive. The armed explosive. Pounds his fist because what else can he do? He squeezes his fist tight, tries to breathe but can barely get the air into his lungs. He’s pretty sure there’s tears in his eyes, threatening to spill over but they can’t, they can’t because-

“James?” Adam. James tries to calm his breaths, push back the emotion, push back it all.

“Yeah?” He faces Adam, leaning up against the vault door, hiding the electronic display from sight.

“What’s wrong?” Adam looks so confused, bless him. He has a tiny frown, watches James with big eyes. His arm is slipping slightly.

“Nothing, frustrated, I guess.” James shrugs, walks back over, slides down next to Adam. Adam hums, falls back onto James. James huffs a laugh, reaches up and runs his hands through Adam’s hair. Adam nudges into James, like an overly affectionate cat. James brings his other hand up to his mouth, bites on his knuckle to hide a sob. Adam looks completely blissed out on his shoulder.

“If I didn’t know better,” Adam murmurs, voice ever so slightly slurred, “I’d say you’re trying to make me fall asleep.”

“Really?” James chokes out - curses his voice because could it attempt to stay steady? Adam looks up, a small crease on his brow. James tries to hide his face. Adam’s scrutiny feels too obvious, too present.

“James, what’s wrong?” Adam’s worry is clear in his voice and James hates himself for it. His brain runs through its options, tries to think of something plausible.

“The room’s kinda, freaking me out. Sorry.” James uses the opportunity to gesture to the room, try and sneak a look at the 05:03. He returns to Adam as he nods, puts a hand on James’ cheek. James breaks, then. Starts crying in force, holding Adam’s hand tight.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I can give you more space?” Adam speaks slowly, stretching out the words like he’s remembering how to say them. James shakes his head, pulls Adam closer. Adam’s injured arm comes down, circles around James and James can’t see the point in telling him off.

“Can we go to the other side of the desk?” He asks, trying to keep his eyes focused on Adam, not wandering to the consistent countdown. It ticks in the back of his head, like the sound of his mind slowly breaking down. Adam gives him a funny look but nods anyway. James has to support him, Adam leant against his chest, feet dragging as James moves them both. He’s barely walking - instead being shuffled along. James is praying, silently. He’s not done that before.

James gets Adam settled against the desk first, tucks him close, gets him comfortable. Adam sighs, tired but relaxed. His eyes droop, body falls heavy against the wood. James pets his hair again, one hand grips tight against the wound. If he can have one wish, it’s that Adam gets out alive. That’s all he wants. He doesn’t deserve to die like this.

He can feel the time passing in his bones.

Adam breathes in slowly, breathing out harsh. James’ foot taps anxiously against the ground. He can’t help his lack of focus. Adam is the only thing grounding him from full panic as James focuses on his weight, his movement, every little thing about Adam that he can. Adam himself is still petting at James’ hair, his movements getting gradually more sluggish, slow and tired. He doesn’t look quite there and James bites his lip, tries to focus.

“James, I-“ Adam tries to make eye contact but his face ends up falling onto James’ shoulder, hand finally stilling, holding the back of James’ head, “I don’t think I can stay awake.”

And James feels terrible, but says, “That’s okay. I know.” Adam tries to tilt his head but barely manages, can barely lift it to look at him.

“You’re not- you’re not supposed to say that.” The amount of confusion in Adam’s voice could be cute.

“Oh, what should I say then?” James teases, hates how desperate he sounds.

“Usually it’s ‘don’t you fucking dare Adam, I’ll bring you back and kill you myself’?” James laughs a single laugh.

“Never too late for a change of heart.” Then adds, “Besides it’s not like you’re going to die from falling asleep.” (At least if he’s asleep he won’t know, he won’t feel it, he won’t know.)

“Going soft in your…” Adam stalls.

“Old age?”

“Yeah, that.” James hums a little acknowledgement, lets it fall as quiet as it can be with the blaring sirens, the incessant ticking. He looks up at the barred doors, back down at Adam. Asks, “Do you want me to tell you a bedtime story?”

Adam gives him such an incredulous look, the tiniest of frowns, “I’m really starting to think you’ve been replaced.”

“Is that a no?” James counters, because at least he can joke. It makes it feel a bit more normal, hides the edge to his voice. And Adam doesn’t reply, continues looking at James with raised eyebrows and a judgemental stare. Still not a no. So James starts, “Once upon a time, an idiot got arrested trying to rob a corner shop.”

Adam groans, murmurs, “James, why?” and James pets at his hair.

“And when he got arrested he had the pleasure of meeting a handsome, dashing young man.” James pauses, before adding for dramatic effect, “Me.” It works, at least, Adam laughs softly, eyes shut against James. His hand still feels heavy against James’ head. “And the two hit it off, they met up when they got out through totally legal means. The dashing handsome one thought the other was also really dashing and handsome. And really cool. And a bit depressing.”

“Thanks.” Adam mutters, James kisses his forehead.

“And the two joined a gang together with close friends who all supported each other. And they worked hard and the two- the two fell in love.” James’ voice cracks, Adam’s eyes blinking open again, James continues before Adam can speak, “And it was kinda stupid, ‘cause, they had a fight, and then they realised they couldn’t live without each other and they got back together again and, Adam, I’m so lucky to have met you, fuck.” Adam’s eyes are wider, and that’s the opposite of what he wanted, why does he always mess things up, goddammit.

“James, hey it’s okay,” Adam smiles at him, warm and soft, eyes full of love and what did James do to ever deserve his love? God, he’s led him to his grave, he’s- “Listen to me, hey? ‘M okay, it’s just a little blood loss, yeah? It’s not gonna kill me.”

James nods, frantic, and Adam pushes through to wipe tears from James’ cheeks, “I know, I know.”

“I’ll be fine. We both will. Either, the others come ‘n find us or the police do. And they’ll break us out but I’ll go to hospital ‘n get treated and it’ll be okay.” Adam pauses, out of breath, “Not that I don’t appreciate Matt cleaning me up, though.” He trails off again, tired. James grabs Adam’s hand, lets it fall to the back of his neck, “No need to cry.” And it seems like it’s the end of Adam’s energy, his head falls forward dangerously and James has to let go of the wound to steady it, rest him fully on James. He holds Adam’s head with both hands, trying to futilely protect it. Adam’s hand hadn’t moved from James’ neck.

“Adam, you know I love you, right?” James asks, just loud enough for Adam to hear. Adam releases a long breath, relaxes a little more. “Because I do,” James continues, “I really fucking do, Adam. I love you with all my heart, and you mean the absolute world to me.” Adam snorts the tiniest bit and James smiles, helpless.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, honestly.” Adam tells him and James’ breath comes out ragged because he’d be safe. Without James, Adam would be safe.

“Adam- you’re- you’re just, so strong and incredible, you work so hard and you do so much and the world’s been so shitty to you and you should’ve got so much better. But you kept on going and you put up with me and that deserves an award-.” And James realises, when Adam doesn’t laugh, or dispute that, that he’s fallen asleep.

James shuffles Adam, tries to look at his face and remember every detail. He’s running out of time, he doesn’t know what else to do. He counts the freckles across Adam’s nose, one for each tick. He messes up his hair, threads the strands through his fingers and James is so lucky to ever have held Adam in his arms. He looks so peaceful and it only makes it hurt more.

At least he’s had the chance to ever meet this beautiful, beautiful man.

When he twists his body around he sees a flashing 00:10. James doesn’t prepare himself for a miracle that won’t come. He pulls Adam into his chest, protects his with his own body as much as he possibly can. Part of James knows that it won’t do anything - not really. But it’s the least he can do. He presses a kiss onto Adam’s head one last time, shuts his eyes tight.

There’s a tick, and then a stall, and James’ last thought is ‘I’m so sorry’.

And then it’s over.

#shiphaus #killems #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #submission

[shiphaussecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, You Big Dork (In An Ugly Sweater)

gift from @partyatmyhaus to @kovihaus!

ship: killems

message: man, having to write fluff was tough -wipes sweat from brow-, but i think it turned out okay :p. Merry Christmas!

=

The apartment was a mess. Only 1 of the walls has been painted the new color, and it took 2 weeks but they finally got their bed frame. However, boxes and boxes still littered the hallways and the kitchen was mostly still bubble wrap and moving blankets.​ The mess only got worse after they got back from Thanksgiving and Adam determined,

“It’s time for Christmas.” Which made James, who had only just sat down, sigh a long sigh. God dammit.

“It’s December 5th, Ad.” Adam makes a ‘whatever’ sound and James rolled his eyes. God he really loved that man.

“Can we start tomorrow?” James asks as he slumps further and deeper down into the couch. He’s flipping through Netflix, squinting at the long list of already appeared Christmas movies.

“Why tomorrow when we could do stuff now?” Adam is smiling from over a stack of boxes leading into the bedroom and it makes James snort.

“How much coffee- did you have?” James asks, making sure that his voice comes across as playful, as he hauls himself off of the very comfortable surface. The way he asks somehow makes Adam 100 watt smile go to 1000 in an instant.

“Alright, my darling, where do we start.” James asks coming to stand next to Adam, who is looking over all the boxes- most likely trying to remember if they had even labeled the holiday decoration boxes. They hadn’t last time.

Ah, that Thanksgiving sucked. Fucking hilarious, but it sucked.

=

They found half of the decorations in a box labeled “Kitchen”, and the other half were still missing. At some point, somehow James ended up tangled into the (for some reason) plugged in Christmas lights, and trying to hang them around the top trim of the apartment walls.

Adam, however somehow maneuvered his way into the kitchen, occasionally throwing out songs or questions for Alexa to ask. [Usually followed by a “well fuck you too- AI my ass.” If the question went unanswered. James didn’t realize that Adam knew so many Christmas songs off the top of his head]

At a point the sound of lights clanking against the walls stopped and Adam turned from the stove to where James last was. Only to see the blue eyed man just looking. Looking at him. The soft light from the lights casting onto his face. The smile of pure admiration seems to reflect even better from the lights.

The look made Adam feel giddy for some reason. He found himself staring back. His ridiculous man, in a neon green sweater, wrapped in multicolored lights. Just smiling like a fool.

“What?” Adam asks with a smile. James starts to laugh before shaking his head,

“You’re making christmas cookies with 20 days to go- and you got us matching sweaters.” James and Adam both chuckle, “You said you hate Christmas but here we are.”

Adam just shrugs before turning around to slide on the reindeer shaped oven mitts (which James does not recall owning last year).

“Just finish hanging up the fucking lights.” The apartment is warm and it settles something in both of them.

=

“See this is the acceptable time for Christmas.” James mumbles into Adams hair. They’re curled on the couch, the matching sweaters returning from the depths of the laundry basket- despite what he says James absolutely did not shove the sweaters there in hope of them being forgotten. Totally not.

“J, it’s Christmas Eve.” Adam doesn’t move, but James can feel the smile. James lives for the days like this- a movie on the TV and his favorite person somehow managing to sit both on top of him and arguably too far away.

“Acceptable.” Is all he mumbles, letting out another small laugh when Adam moves, curling his arm tighter around James’ chest.

“Merry Christmas, James.” Adam mumbles a bit later, the credits for Die Hard running on the TV- neither of them making an effort to move.

“Merry Christmas, you holiday fiend.”

=

Christmas morning starts with groggy heads and stretching. The light is coming through the cracks in curtains. But it’s comfortable. Something warm about it.

“Good morning.” James mumbles, turning to look at his boyfriend. Adam just groans, trying to push his head further into the pillow.

It takes a little bit to get going, but eventually they find themselves on the sofa. Cups of coffee in their hands as they trade their gifts back.

‘Nothing big’ they had agreed.

Adam hands James a box, a little smaller than his fist.

James unwraps the paper with the carefulness of an 8 year old boy.

He obviously knows what it is before he gets the box open. He just smiles at Adam before opening the box and gently removing the object from inside.

“I did keep saying I need a watch.” James laughs, Adam huffs a bit of air at.

“More accurately whenever you asked what time it was, LAwrence kept telling you it was time to get a watch and you just kept saying ‘yeah. Yeah i should do that’.”

“Well thank you, Adam.” james says with a wink before sliding the silver metal over his hand and onto his wrist.

As soon as it’s on his wrist James leans forward and places a slow and loving kiss on Adams lips. He doesn’t move until he feels Adam begin to smile.

“Okay, okay, “ James says moving back, smiling wide, “Your turn.”

James reaches under the couch and pulls out a smaller box. Maybe a few inches wide.

It’s not wrapped, it’s a generic black jewelry box.  

Adam cocks his head and levels a weak glare at James.

“What are you doing?” Adams voice is already tight and James just smiles and hands the box to Adam.

Unsurprisingly a ring sits inside the box. It’s grey and sleek. Adam feels his heart swell at the sight.

“I.” James stops and laughs to himself, “I had been planning this for weeks, but now that I can see you holding it, and- and it’s Christmas and I just. I love you. Let’s, fuck i don’t know. Let’s hang out forever.”

Adam laughs and the smile makes his swelling tears fall over, “Let’s hang out forever?”

James laughs too, taking the ring out of the box and sliding it onto Adam’s finger. 

“Yeah. You and me. Hangin’ out. Ya know. Forever.”

Adam looks at the ring, and then at the light around the apartment and finally back to the blue eyed man in front of him. Adam nods.

“Alright. You and me. Hanging out.”  Adam says leaning forward and wrapping James in an embrace and then a long kiss.

When they break apart it’s quiet for a long moment followed by a content sigh from Adam.

“Merry Christmas.” Adam moves his head to lay on James’ chest. Wrapping his arm around his fiance.

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Willems.” James says with a wink. Adam snorts,

“Yeah nice try Mr. Kovic.”

#shiphaus #killems #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #submission

[shiphaussecretsanta]

gift from @mattorade to @pwssyboy, some fluffy james/bruce!

#shiphaus #grillems #shiphaus secret santa #art gift

[shiphaussecretsanta]

happy december 25th

gift from @funheist to @enigmatic-cyborg

jame, i will feed u adam squared from every inch of my small being. blease accept my loving gift of not understanding chrimmus. love u

ship: adam/bones

As far as they’re concerned, Winter isn’t a real season. Sure, there’s a tree in the living room of their apartment, and Christmas music playing throughout the town ever since November started, but it’s sixty degrees outside on a bad day and it’s nothing to scream about.

It also doesn’t help that neither of them are huge on the holidays. For different reasons.

Adam hates going home for the holidays. He’s related to people but he doesn’t relate with them for a variety of reasons. Liking men, his job, his interests, his beliefs. It’s a pain and a half–he loves his siblings, don’t get him wrong, but every single adult is absolutely unbearable.

Bones just never…got the hype. He has fun with it; he was excited to decorate their shitty little plastic tree and he’ll hum along to the occasional Christmas song if it pops up in his Spotify. But he was never into it. Gift-giving is stressful, and he’s god awful at it (and he’s thankful he can jump on Adam’s gifts and just write his name in the card), family is stressful, cooking is stressful–the holidays are just fucking stressful.

So, they stay in this time. It’s been an unspoken tradition for the past two years they’ve been living together; they just hang inside and watch shitty movies, and if they remember, they give each other gifts. (Bones forgot the first year because he was so out of practice of giving people caring gifts, Adam forgot the second year because Bones got him a cat and it completely slipped his mind).

When Adam wakes up, Bones is gone–it’s usually the other way around, with Adam’s problems with sleep and all–and it takes him a few minutes for his brain to catch up with the rest of him. Bones never really gets up unless he has a reason to, and when Adam squints at the clock to figure out what time it is, he curses and forces himself up and out of the bed.

Adam, with messy hair and a too-big t-shirt on, drags himself out and is met with a too-awake Bones, who’s moving around the kitchen to make them both breakfast.

“Isn’t it too late for you to eat breakfast?” Adam says around a yawn, to which Bones very blatantly looks him up and down with a smile.

“You slept in, and it’s Christmas, so it’s breakfast time.”

Despite all the time they’ve been together Adam still flushes a little under Bones’ gaze, padding into the kitchen to wrap his arms around Bones from behind and pressing his face into the back of his shoulder.

“There’s coffee made for you.”

Adam hums and squeezes Bones’ waist gently, pulling back after a moment, “You’re a hero.”

“I feel like I owed it to you after last night.” Adam shoots Bones a look, and Bones just laughs, shaking his head before cracking an egg into the pan.

They sit and eat in comfortable silence, and the whole thing is painfully domestic–Adam catches Bones staring at him with a soft smile on his face and normally he’d call him out, poke him or make fun, but instead Adam just smiles back and continues eating.

While they’re cleaning up, Adam catches Bones staring again from across the kitchen.

“What? Do I have something on me?”

“I got you a gift.”

Adam rolls his eyes and goes back to cleaning the dishes, “I thought we said we weren’t doing that this year?”

“Yeah, but,” Bones starts, plucking the plate from Adam’s hands and starting to dry it off, “I found something that was just way too good of an opportunity.”

“Now I’m scared.”

Bones doesn’t dignify that with a response, instead chuckling and helping finish the dishes in comfortable silence.

When the last mug gets placed in the drying rack, Adam turns to Bones, arms folded over his chest and an eyebrow raised. “Alright, what is it?”

“Now that’s no way to talk to Santa,” Bones laughs, and Adam grimaces reflexively.

“Please don’t call yourself Santa. That’s something I really don’t want to explore.”

“That’s a first for you.”

Adam flushes a little and pushes at Bones’ shoulder, going to go plop himself down on the couch with a huff.

“Oh come on!” Bones laughs, sitting down next to him and reaching under the couch to pull out a poorly-wrapped box of some kind. “You know I love you. Here.”

Adam eyes Bones warily before taking the box from him, shaking it while staring at Bones to look for any reaction, before sighing and peeling it open. He tries to be neat about it for all of two seconds, tearing into it and tossing the wrapping paper to the side. The look on his face is priceless when he pulls out the too-white boxer briefs, “I <3 dick” written across the ass in a frankly terrible font, and Adam catches Bones taking a picture too late to protest.

“You’re joking.”

“Keep–oh my god, keep looking,” Bones says between laughs, and Adam sets the underwear to the side and looks back in the box. A card. Great. What’s this one got in store for him? Is it going to blow up or something? He’s never trusting Bones again.

“No.”

Bones grins and raises his eyebrows, nodding emphatically as Adam stares at him incredulously.

“Tomorrow?”

“I kind of took the liberty to start packing for you.”

“How’d you book a whole fucking Japan trip without consulting me?”

“Lawrence.”

Adam shakes his head and grins, leaning over to cup Bones’ cheeks and kiss him softly. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

“What a way to go,” Bones sighs wistfully, and Adam pats one of his cheeks lightly before pulling back and staring at the boarding passes.

“I can’t believe you.”

“I know, I’m kind of amazing.”

“You know how to work a computer?”

Adam laughs as Bones grabs a pillow off the couch and slaps him upside the head, but he doesn’t protest. Because yeah, he’s an asshole. But they both are. That’s how their relationship works.

#shiphaus #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #adam/bones #submission

[shiphaussecretsanta]

Sarcasm

gift from @pwssyboy​ to @kovntag​

Pairing: Adam Kovic/Lawrence Sonntag

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2,681

Summary: Part of the shiphaus secret santa, my secret santa was kovntag who wanted Adam/Lawrence in the fake funhaus crew universe.

Notes:

I was really nervous to start this because I honestly admire kovntag, hes a cool dude and my fav writer in the fandom so to be able to write something for him is like a huge honor.,, also this au is something Ive wanted to write for for a while so I hope I did it justice! Sorry its a mess I havent written anything in 5 months :,^)

—

Impatient fingers tapped on the dashboard in a pattern that matched those of Lawrence’s tapping away at his laptop.

“I just don’t understand why I have to-“

“Yes you do Adam stop bitching,” Lawrence cut his partner off immediately. Normally while the crew went on a heist the older man was left in the getaway car trying to help the crew from the outside while Elyse else sat at the wheel ready to drive as soon as the other joined them, but after a certain trigger happy occurrence a few weeks ago that resulted in too many civilians casualties by the hands of a certain Adam Kovic the brunette had been demoted to getaway driver until he as Bruce put it “got his shit together”. Of course Adam wasn’t too happy about this because he felt his reckless and impulsive nature was better suited “on the field” and Lawrence couldn’t disagree more but honestly he didn’t know what was worse; having him behind a wheel or behind a gun. For now he had to live through these past two missions dealing with Adam’s constant whining which he half hated and half enjoyed because the younger man did look kind of hot when he pouted….

“Can we at least listen to my music when we drive? I’m sick of your night core anime bullshit, it just makes me feel more on edge than I need to be,” Adam bargained, noticing a security guard making his rounds coming their way. In his attempt to act nonchalant he took his time slipping out of the car and motioning for Lawrence to roll down the window after he threw his laptop under the seat.

“I’m just gonna run across the street real quick do you want anything baby? He asked, swiping his hair back in a way that always made Lawrence sweat. Another thing he didn’t hate about being stuck with Adam in the car; his facades always involved them having an established relationship, something he wished wasn’t just a cover up for the missions. Lawrence didn’t even have stop to come up with a flirtatious response before Adam looked over his shoulder and saw the security guard quickly hustle his way back into the bank ignoring the two of them completely. Adam stood up and stretched for a hot second before sauntering back around the car and getting into his seat next to his partner.

“I guess that’s our que to get ready.” Lawrence retrieved his laptop and pulled up several different tabs containing various security codes, cameras, traffic patterns, and the like onto his screen. He needed to focus and he wouldn’t let his attraction to the buff armed brunet distract him from a successful pay day. While Adam surveyed the surrounding cars and tensed his grip on the wheel, Lawrence occupied his eyes with the front door of the establishment knowing the crew were to come out of there at any second. With the cameras already taken out and the team wearing masks there was no risk of being seen coming out the front. A few seconds later and he could hear the gunshots and panicked screaming that flood out of the door as James slammed it open, Bruce and Elyse following suit. As soon as that door was pulled shut by Elyse Lawrence pressed down on his keys setting off the bank’s security system and locking the doors from the inside, something that would buy them some time but not enough. The three piled themselves into the back of the car just as Adam was already pulling out almost slamming into an oncoming car.

“God fucking chill out Adam take this seriously,” Bruce shouted while pulling his door shut. James grabbed the three duffle bags and started to split the money into five various bags then later discarding the duffle bags out the window as they drove on the overpass.

“See this is why I said just fucking leave him in the loft, he’s going to get us killed,” James grunted. There was no malice in his voice, no one of the crew members actually disliked Adam they were just frustrated. Almost two years of successful heists and all of a sudden they were fumbling due to Adam’s negligence, they didn’t want it to end like this and they were just concerned is all. Adam didn’t understand that though.

“Hey fuck you! You were supposed to be out of there a whole two minutes earlier than you were. The road was clear up until that point,” the brunet looked over his shoulder and yelled. Lawrence immediately grabbed him and forced him to look forward.

“Eyes on the road Adam! Focus on getting us to the break off point before you two get into a god damn a fist fight. Now watch out.” Lawrence waited until he saw the stop light a good distance away before he clicked on a few more things in front of him, this time fucking with the light and granting them a clear passage to drive straight through, trying to get them to take as many back streets as possible to avoid as many cars as they could. As Elyse delved out ammo and meet up points to the others Lawrence started zoning out and hyper focusing on Adam’s bulging biceps that twitched and brow that furrowed as he drove. All this adrenaline was getting to him and he couldn’t help but find the other man to be incredibly hot in the moment.

“Ok I’m turning here.” Lawrence snapped of his horny delusion.

“W-What? No! Don’t fucking do that!” He pulled up the location of their second vehicle and started to panic.

“There’s gonna be a fucking blockade right there, why do you think they only have two patrols after us? The rest of there are there!” He pointed as his screen as if Adam could look while he was driving.

“No there isn’t they haven’t set up there in a month it’s like they totally forgot about it I’ll just slip down there to save us time and get there quicker.” Adam started shifting lanes to take the exit complete opposite of where he was supposed to go.

“No that’s literally not how that works! People don’t just forget a street exists how could you be that dumb!” Lawrence wanted to reach over and rip the wheel out of Adam’s hands but that would ultimately end in near death. At this point the three in the back started to chime in, Adam could feel his head pounding and heard his heart beating in his chest he couldn’t even think about the road ahead of him he was just so infuriated that no one even trusted him. In the midst of his frustrations he didn’t even notice the car that veered into his lane, causing him to snap back to reality and turn the other way completely missing the exit he wanted to take. Bruce reached forward and grabbed Adam’s shoulder,

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You really need to get it together Kovic or I’m going to have to have you wiping off guns and counting money with Jacob in the shop.” The car was quiet for once, none of them really had the energy to keep fighting. At this point Adam just felt hurt and he wanted this to be done, he listened to Lawrence and took his route. Lawrence cautiously reached over and laid a warm hand on his thigh,

“Thank you for listening,” he said quietly. Adam licked his lips and shifted in his seat, his mouth was suddenly dry and he felt some type of way. He never really thought about it but in a way he looked up to Lawrence. He admired the way he always put the crew before himself no matter how much they teased him for being a “nerd” and the other crews in the city even went out of their way to call him “useless” because he just sat in the car and pressed buttons but he did so much more than that and it took Adam until right now to realize that. Now here he was, the other man’s reassuring hand so close to him while the others screamed at him from the back. Lawrence wanted his attention and he finally had it. Adam readjusted his grip on the wheel,

“Drop off point is up ahead get ready to hop out, take the three bags and whatever you need in case you encounter trouble. Lawrence and I will head under the bridge and wait it out this way if something happens were more spread out.” Usually the four split off to the second car while Adam found somewhere to ditch the first but in a last attempt to have his way Adam changed it up. Surprisingly no one argued.

“Sounds good to me, maybe Lawrence can teach you a thing or two about following directions while you have your alone time together,” James retorted helping Elyse out of the car after they parked. Nothing else was said as they parted ways. Adam pulled away and made his way to the shadows of the underpass. The silence was broken after a few minutes of waiting it out.

“I’m sorry I got upset with you I just want to make sure we all stay safe and work efficiently. I know how hard this is on you, to feel like you’re always doing something wrong I mean,” Lawrence spoke up while occupying himself with checking police reports and locations. Adam took his glasses off and slid a hand through his hair again, his heart was still beating painstakingly fast He didn’t know how to respond, he wanted to thank him but that could be taken as an invitation to tear him down more. The older man didn’t seem like that kind of person though. Lawrence took the lack of response as an incentive to fil the silence.

“I think you’re a wonderful driver and you clearly want to do your job well to appease everyone but I guess in this kind of business it’s easy to put under a microscope and be ripped apart.” At this point he figured he owed Adam eye contact at least so he shut his laptop and turned his body to face him. He opened his mouth to say more but he wanted to choose his words carefully as he had no idea what his partner was feeling at the moment. He settled with putting his hand on his knee this time.

“Just know that we all love you and were just worried ok?” He gave him a reassuring smile but the way Adam looked at him was a mixture of several emotions he couldn’t put his finger on. Discouragement? Disgust? Disappointment? Out of nowhere he felt a hand grab his and pull him forward forcing his lips to connect with the other mans. This was…sudden. Adam let his impulsive side take over which combined with his adrenaline rushed mind he acted on an urge he felt building up for some time, one that he wasn’t sure if he would regret later but he was hoping he wouldn’t. That was for future Adam to deal with. Lawrence just let himself be pushed back while the younger man climbed over the center console and onto his lap. It’s not like he was going to complain though this isn’t how he saw this going down, but he figured Adam needed to express some deeply hidden emotions and being the caring crew member he was he figured he’d bite the bullet and let him do what he needed to. Adam just continued to frantically grab at Lawrence’s shirt and bring him closer kissing him hungrily and making a satisfied sound when his partner reciprocated. He finally pulled away and mustered up the courage to look Lawrence in the eyes. His pupils were blown out from arousal and his lips were red and puffy from the beating they just took. Adam almost felt bad springing this on him but this seemed to be going better than he expected.

“Can I jack you off?” He blurted out, both hands slithering up to grab either sides of Lawrence’s face, he loved the feeling of his stubble on his hands. Not wanting to disappoint the other man just nodded and Adam flashed him the happiest smile he didn’t even know he was capable of making and it just melted his heart. If he knew letting Adam crank his dick would have made him this happy he would have let him do it sooner. Adam wasted no time undoing his pants and pulling his dick out before he paused.

“Oh uh..I don’t have-” Lawrence cut him off by taking Adam’s hands and putting his fingers in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the fingers getting a slick coat of saliva around them before pulling them back out.

“There,” he grunted. If Adam were standing his legs would have buckled from how much he was shaking, his actions were actually starting to register in his brain and he was getting self-aware but god did he want this and he wanted it now. The younger man just went ahead and started pumping his partners cock, stumbling at first but when Lawrence gently grabbed the back of his head and pulled him forward for a soft kiss he felt himself relax and enjoy himself. The kiss soon turned into Adam hungrily biting at Lawrence’s bottom lip and sucking on it making it swollen red. Every time he moaned into his mouth Lawrence thrusted up into his hand and they slowly had a rhythm going. Adam soon got sick of the silence and got even more vocal.

“Praise me. Tell me how good I’m doing,” he whined. He figured Lawrence liked talking so much he might as well put that mouth to god use. Plus he just really like hearing him say nice things about him, it made him feel good. Thankfully he didn’t hesitate.

“You did so well today. You didn’t lose your temper too much and you were quick. I have to admit I prefer having you drive because you look really hot behind the wheel.” The last part made Adam shiver. His face was on fire and he buried his face in Lawrence’s neck. All of these emotions smacking him in the face at once was overwhelming and he just couldn’t look at his partner right now. But Lawrence was having none of that, he grabbed the back of his head a little forcefully and made him look at him.

“You’re also really good at pissing me off. You have many talents and your most prominent one is ignoring orders and getting on my nerves. You pretend were boyfriends for the public but yet you fight me on everything. You just like being a tease don’t you?” He growled and bit into Adam’s neck, something they’d both probably regret later. Or not. They both so caught up in the affectionate name calling and thrusting and pumping that they didn’t even have time to register that they were both so close to finishing. Just a few more pumps from Adam’s frantic hand and love marks from Lawrence’s talented mouth and Adam was coming in his pants while Lawrence finished all over his hand. The two just collapsed into the seat and were silent minus the sounds of them breathing heavily. Before they could fully recuperate or even talk about what just happened the flash of red and blue lights was seen in the rearview mirrors and instinctually they both sat up quickly to fix themselves and grab what they needed out of the car. As he opened the door to leave Lawrence was stopped by Adams’ grasp on his wrist, he turned and was met with Adam’s lips yet again.

“See you back in your room?” He asked, his face was hopeful. Lawrence smiled.

“Yeah.” He reassured him.

They then went off in opposite directions, the sound of sirens following suit.

#shiphaus #kovntag #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #submission

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Deserving

Secret Santa gift from isitjustmeinhere for @staranon95

Ship: Killemses

warnings for torture and angst!

It was stupidity on his part, when he thinks on it. Needing a speedy escape from a heist was no excuse to cut through an enemy gang’s territory alone, yet he’d done it without a thought. In his defense, it’s hard to think with three dozen heavily armed, pissed off LSPD officers on your back. He couldn’t have anticipated how quickly it would go south, however, high profile enough that a scout had seen him two minutes into his excursion. The ensuing fight hadn’t been much of a fight at all, a sneaky blow to the back of the head leaving him off balance and nauseous enough to only throw  a handful of punches before he took another hit to the temple and went down hard.

There’s no telling how long he was out for, but it must have been significant if the ache in his ass from the metal chair is any indication. He can feel the dried blood on his lips from where the punk scout had gotten in a solid hit, but the taste of blood is absent, so it was definitely an extended time lapse. His head is still fuzzy, his stomach churning and eyes burning even in the low warehouse lighting. His arms are bound and his wrists feel raw from the shitty rope as he wiggles to see if he can loosen the knots. The door must be behind him, because he hears a creak and some grinding, followed by a shout he’s too exhausted to bother understanding. It only takes moments for him to realize what the guy must have been saying, as the door squeals again to herald two sets of footsteps.

It’s not the first time he’s been tortured, and it probably won’t be the last, with his luck. He’s already in agony when they bring out the bucket of water. His arms and torso are a battlefield of fresh new wounds and old scars, black t-shirt in pieces on the floor. The leader of the two interrogators takes a long drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out in the bloody mess that he’s sure his forearm is underneath somewhere.

He straightens his suit and asks a question he must know Adam isn’t going to answer. When he gets no response - as if Adam could come up with a single coherent thought through the pain - the other man sits the water bucket in Adam’s lap and forces his head down until he’s taking a startled breath of water right into his lungs. His body tries to cough but that just gives him a mouthful of water that he tries desperately not to inhale. The man holds against his thrashing until his lungs are on fire and his vision goes spotty.

When he’s finally allowed air, he takes it in like a dying man, which, considering how much water he just coughed up, he kind of was. It’s a pretty rudimentary version of waterboarding, but definitely just as effective. More efficient. To the point.

They must be pretty well hidden if no one has come for him yet, far away or more likely in some dump his gang doesn’t know is an enemy safehouse. Smart, on this gang’s part, honestly. It’s bought them some time to actually get to the interrogation before they die. Which is unusual, because normally the guys don’t take more than a couple hours to bash their way into a hideout when one of their own is inside. But it’s totally fine, because they’re definitely coming, despite what this dickfuck in the suit is saying. His friends wouldn’t abandon him, right? Because they were friends, not just partners. Yeah, of course they’re coming. Lawrence and Bones are typing away at computers and the rest are suiting up, no, already suited up, because they are just waiting on a location, chomping at the bit to go save Adam because they care about him and love him and would protect him and are definitely going to save him. Yup, yes.

They take no notice of his burgeoning panic attack, shoving his head back under the surface of the water. This time he doesn’t hold, actually tears Adam’s head back out by the hair before dunking it again and again. It forces his breathing pattern to something abnormal, closer to hyperventilating that regular breathing. Ah, so they had noticed his panic attack. Nothing better for panic than not knowing when your next breath will come!

He tries to remember all the techniques for keeping calm, but he’s probably concussed and his head is fuzzy and his thoughts all jumbled, everything too much for him to comprehend and this motherfucker is still dunking his head like he’s a damn piece of laundry in the olden days. It’s almost a relief when his head is held underwater for longer, his neck and upper back twinging with pain after the rough treatment. His eyes burn no matter how hard he squeezes them shut against the water, his lungs feel heavy, his heart is hammering in his chest and ears. He might die here, he realizes.

His head is released, not torn from the water as it had been before, which is how he knows something is up. They’re not just going to go good cop on him for no reason. A smile breaks over his face as he hears a shitty high pitched imitation of a woman’s voice from the door. He’d recognize James anywhere.

Things should have gone batshit after that, guns-a-blazing and blows flying, but Elyse comes down from the ceiling behind Suit Guy and puts one into the back of his skull, followed quickly by one between Other Guy’s eyes. How she got through the ceiling without being noticed, Adam will never know, and he doesn’t particularly care to. James is already undoing his bonds, cheap twine splitting easily against his knife. Once he frees Adam’s legs, Adam throws the damn bucket of water onto the ground and kicks it with a fervent hatred he hasn’t felt since his teenage years. Maybe he promptly falls over because his head is still swimming, but the point is made.

“Hey,” he says, looking between the two, speech slurred and throat raw, “Can we go home now?” James laughs and Elyse smiles, shaking her head fondly as Matt peeks through the door to see Adam flat on his ass on the floor.

“Yeah buddy,” James says, “We can go home now.”

——

The drive home is objectively short, but it feels like a thousand years to Adam, battered and exhausted. Nothing sounds better than falling face-first onto his bed and sleeping forever. But instead Peake is wrapping his arms in old cloth until they can get to gauze and proper medical supplies, silent like he knows Adam’s head is still buzzing.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” is the only thing Matt says, murmured just after they walk into the penthouse and go their separate ways. Adam makes his way to the nearest bathroom, more than ready for a few painkillers to dull his headache and the agony of his arms and chest. James and Elyse come in to find him sorting through the pill bottles, trying to decide which will be most effective without thinning his blood too much. Some of the wounds are still bleeding sluggishly and he doesn’t want to make them worse.

“Hey buddy,” James greets him, grabbing a bottle of something Adam can’t quite remember but is pretty sure is oxy. He gives Adam one and says he can have another only if he really needs it. It’s good to have someone care like that, enough to bother taking his addictive personality into account.

Elyse hands him a small bathroom cup of water to help down the pill, getting to work on unwrapping Adam’s arms and torso. It sticks in a few places and Adam can’t help but hiss as a few wounds rip back open. Some need stitches, and James has a suture kit at the ready. He begins and Elyse switches between helping him and gently showering Adam’s face in kisses.

The maybe-oxy kicks in a handful of minutes later and Adam’s already tired brain is even more desperate for sleep. He thinks of curling up in James and Elyse’s bed, one of them on either side, and sleeping until his body is sore from it. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. But James has decided to close up the majority of his injuries, so it’s taking forever and a day, suture kits being jammed into the little bathroom trash can one after another. They’re gonna need to order more at this rate. Usually, he would be grumpy about having to sit on the edge of the tub for so long, but he’s getting a kiss per stitch, so maybe it’s not so bad.

James finishes cleaning off the last wound and starts applying gauze, thank god. They may as well just wrap him up like a mummy at this point, chaining together so much gauze he’s practically wearing a really weird shirt. Could you imagine a gauze shirt? Sounds itchy and fragile. Hard to sew. He may be a little loopy, but he thinks it’s justified after literally everything that happened today.

“Can we go to sleep now?” he asks, leaning his forehead against James’s to look imploringly into those ocean-clear eyes. James laughs again like before, one of Adam’s favorite sounds, pressing their lips together slowly before agreeing. Elyse tosses the last suture pack into the trash, teaming up with James to help Adam up off his perch. They’re so gentle with him it’s practically unbearable. He can’t believe he ever doubted them.

The walk to their bedroom is short, Adam’s stumbling kept to a minimum with them under either shoulder. They lower him onto the bed first, James helping him pull up his legs so he can lay down right. He scoots over to his side of the bed, closing his eyes gratefully while he waits for them to get in too.

“Hey, move over,” Elyse says, nudging him carefully. He opens his eyes and tries not to show how delighted he is to be relegated to the middle; it’s the best place to be and he usually only gets it on bad days. Well, today has certainly been one hell of a bad day, he guesses. He moves over until he hits James, who wraps arms around him in a tight hug that might have hurt without painkillers in his system, while Elyse slides into bed and pulls the covers up over the three of them. Once James releases him, Elyse pulls him in, holding him just as tight.

“Sorry it took so long to find you,” she says, voice warbling from unshed tears. He just hugs her harder, placing a kiss on top of her head. When she finally lets him go, he kisses her soft and sweet until the tears subside.

“James, now you have to cry,” she says, to James’s laughter that may or may not be a little soggy, “I can’t be the only one.”

“Already there,” he sniffles, slinging an arm over a clear part of Adam’s torso, “But our baby boy is home.” Adam preens at the nickname, nuzzling his face into Elyse’s neck with a content sigh. This is where he belongs. Right here with the two of them, even sliced up and brain-bruised. Everything is tolerable, he can make it through anything, so long as he has this to come back to.

James kisses the nape of his neck and whispers more terms of endearment there, while Elyse talks reassurances against his lips and oops, he might be the one crying now. He wants to blame it on the concussion, wants to find some reason for it that isn’t just him being overwhelmed at their love, but he doesn’t have to with them. He doesn’t have to find excuses for his emotions anymore, not with James and Elyse. He’s allowed to cry and that just makes him cry more, because they’re so lovely and he doesn’t know what he did to deserve them.

He turns so that he can reach James’s face too, and cycles between giving each of them kisses until his tears stop and his eyes won’t stay open any longer. He drifts to sleep safe and warm, between the two he loves who love him back.

#shiphaus #killemses #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #submission

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Puzzle Pieces

gift from @enigmatic-cyborg to @partyatmyhaus

warnings: Angst, Off-screen character death

ship: polyhaus, Bones-centric

Just pick them up and put them all together. That’s all there is too it. Assemble the pieces of a puzzle and find yourself with a beautiful image at the end of it all…

 The world was fragmented as his eyes opened. His head pounded, and everything in his chest was tighter than an impossible knot as he coughed. Hands were around him, pressing buttons, adjusting things, scrambling before a familiar hand met his.

 Bruce was right next to him. Bones couldn’t help but smile despite the pain that wouldn’t go away as he started to put the pieces together. A hospital room. Arms bandaged all the way up – even a face half-covered in gauze with an optimistic smile from a nurse saying that it was a miracle he’d gotten out of it as well as he did.

 And Bones started to pull the pieces together. A body that ached inside and out, with its solace coming through heavy drugs or the ridiculous amount of sleep that he needed, and the sights of everyone else that came and went through it all.

 “You got pretty lucky,” James had chuckled, wrapping his hand around Bones’ as best he could with making his body ache. It was frustrating, just watching as people grouped around him, usually one or two at a time, as he started to pull his mind out of the fog, and the story came together.

 A fire. A gas leak beneath the ground, according to an insurance agent, and it took everything that they’d set up roughly a couple months ago. He’d been in the hospital seven days before he woke up, and it would be another little while before he would get to go home.

 People kept talking about it like it was a miracle. The crew would come in occasionally, – Lawrence couldn’t stay long before having to leave to save face, while Bruce was always ready to cry it seemed, both from relief and from something else.

 The pieces of the puzzle kept coming together. Bones screamed in his dreams as tongues of flame licked at his body and tore away his skin. He’d watch his house melt into fire, and his skin peel like wax as he was subject to the heat in his nightmares before someone would shake him awake.

 Often it was James or Elyse, who seemed always ready to take the night shift. Once it was Adam, and he was greeted with a lengthy silence after he woke up. Bones racked his mind to try and find out why Adam had been way quieter than usual, and the strange way that a topic of conversation would hang in the air, like Adam was waiting to say something, and then it wouldn’t.

To be honest, for all the discussion of how lucky they were, there was a weight hanging over them. Bones kept asking if he could get up, get going to help them with everything they were organizing. A new house had to be found, after all.

 It was Jacob who let it slip.

“N-no. You heal up, we can handle the living situation, and work, and the funeral-“

 The way he clasped his hands over his mouth and the speed at which Adam got up and left as Bones’ jaw firmed in thought.

 The puzzle had come together at last.

 But it was missing a piece.

 “Where’s Matt?”

*        *         *         *           *              *             *         *

  The knot in his chest started unravelling as he started to recover, but now it pulled away to leave a vast pit in his chest. Flames crawled out and spread cold numbness down his veins as the last parts of the story came together.

 A plank had knocked him out. Matt had been trapped behind them, but his quick actions had managed to get both out before anything too serious could’ve happened. Except one of them had a respiratory system that apparently couldn’t handle the fumes as well as the other.

 Matt had literally saved his life with his dying breath, and Bones was left with the picture that remained.

 The others didn’t know how to tell him. The words they tried to share died in their throats, and Bones was left with foggy images, strange thoughts, and a picture or two off the phone he booted up for the first time in ages, where the picture of all of them standing in the backyard seemed like a vibrant memory.

 One of the most dissatisfying feelings in the world was putting the pieces together, only to discover that you’re missing a piece or two with no idea of where they might be. Bones’ stomach sank as the puzzle of his mind put everything together only to find that one of the core pieces were missing. He didn’t have the energy to do anything other than fold in on himself, trying to find the words on his tongue to ask “why did it have to be him?”

  “It… it didn’t have to be anyone,” Omar bit his lip on a grey afternoon.

 Bones cringed. Pain seemed to come and go at its own discretion these days. His life turned into two sensations. Pain, or numbness? It was all he could bring himself to handle. All the pit in his stomach seemed to wrap around.

“I guess not…” he mumbled, “So, did the doc change his mind?”

 Omar sighed heavily. He pulled his glasses away from his face as he adjusted his position in the seat. “No. He’s saying you still need to recover.”

“I can recover later. This is… this is his funeral-“

“Yeah, we know.” Omar snapped, like the mention of the word was enough to cause him pain, “we’re not happy about it either.”

“I hate this, ‘Mar,” Bones mumbled as again the stinging pain started to prickle across his arm, and his throat felt like it was going to close.

 Omar came over, eyes glistening and wet as he took Bones’ hand.

 Yet something about it still felt empty.

      *        *         *         *           *              *             *         *

  Bones almost wished it would rain the day he stepped out of the hospital. He thought that if the world was maybe ready to present him like the hero of a tragedy, he would be able to pass it all off as some twisted joke. But the weather was only slightly overcast. Adam was behind him pushing the wheelchair to the door like it was tradition; James and Elyse held a paper bag filled with so many ointments and medications the price alone was almost enough to make him gag; Lawrence, supposedly, was back at home with some of the others as Bones stood up, wiggled his feet around in a new pair of shoes since the last ones had apparently been torn off to get a better look at his body.

 And while his lungs still felt strained, and the sting of burning trickled over his skin and into his mind, as even James, who was normally ready to make some kind a joke, failed to grasp at humor in even the loosest of senses. Bones felt that at that moment the one thing they all shared was the heavy hole that sat in their chests, the space left behind by something important.

     *        *         *         *           *              *             *         *

  They expected he would take the night to rest like the doctor suggested. Their temporary residence was cramped and empty at the same time. Bones felt like an alien as he crossed the threshold of the new door for the first time. Part of him hoped to see Matt’s sleek laptop sitting on the cheap IKEA table, or one of his big warm blankets.

 It hadn’t clued in yet that they really had nothing left. Bones left the hospital wearing a strange sweater he didn’t recognize. Bruce left him a pile of clothes in the hospital a couple days before he left. The only thing saved had been his grey beanie, but even that had the scent of ash that refused to be erased. Nothing felt like home anymore. Nothing felt like it belonged to him. He was walking on eggshells around the others, and they walked around eggshells with him. He wanted to offer something…. But it was like the fire had stolen any warmth he could offer.

 And when Bruce came in to check on him, in the room that was his only in the vaguest sense; his first thought was panic when Bones wasn’t there.

 “Jesus,” he groaned, “You tell the doctor he’s gonna rest up for a few days…”

Adam, settled on the couch, slowly pulled himself to his feet, cracking his neck and moving like he was treading through mud as he grabbed a sweater from a hanger and headed to the door.

 “I think I know where he went,” Adam shrugged, already opening the door as Bruce looked up to him.

 “We can get some of the others to –“

“It’s late, Bruce,” Adam rubbed his eyes, “We’ve all been at a loss for energy recently. I know where he is. I’m pretty sure I do anyway,”

 The larger man didn’t seem convinced, but gently Adam pressed a kiss to his lips before he slipped out the door.

“I’ll text you when we’re heading back.”

      *        *         *         *           *              *             *         *

The sky twinkled briefly with whatever stars could break through the light pollution of the city, but the place itself felt plunged in blackness. The cast-iron fences clawed at those who passed by, or like they tugged at the hole that you tried to fill with the memories of the past.

 Bones didn’t really know how he managed to stumble his way here – only that the pain seemed sharper the further he went, and that the fact he could walk at all considering the pain medication he was on was miraculous.

 Every step was exhausting, but he found it. The gate wasn’t even locked despite the late time as he wandered down the rows of the cemetery – the one he knew would’ve been the right one.

 They wouldn’t cremate him after what he went through, right? That thought alone. The thought of the fire…

 He gulped at the bile building in his throat. The scent of smoke attacked his memory intrusively. Its venom kept scratching at his brain as his skin and bones and nerves ached while he stumbled down the rows.

 Then he was on the ground. His legs gave up on him, his knees still quivering as his hands shook faster and faster.

 “C’mon,” he mumbled, cursing at himself under his breath.

A moment later a pair of hands grasped him by the shoulders. His whole body went still, but then he was being helped to his feet. Slowly someone was taking his weight as he found his nose hit with a different scent as familiar hands lifted him up.

 Adam’s eyes were glancing back at him – soft and tired, and rather forlorn. It was a sight he was too used to seeing in the past few weeks, even if Bones wondered himself if he could even form a smile that wasn’t faked.

 “It’s over this way,” Adam whispered, “Here.”

 The light on his phone flickered to life. Bones kept standing only by using Adam for balance as the white stone came into their vision like a beacon.

 Fresh. The engravings in the stone were younger than most of the headstones in the yard. Honestly, Bones was kind of amazed he missed it.  All white, a simple name on it, in a plot all to itself.

 Matthew Peake.

The worst thing was finding that the puzzle piece you were looking for had been completely torn apart, and now there was a hole in the picture that was never going to be filled.

 What was he thinking? Why was he so desperate to see this? Was it to prove that he wasn’t dreaming? To convince himself that they weren’t lying to him?

 Or maybe his cruel curiosity needed to put the picture together one last time to find the missing piece.

 The pain was nothing, as roaring flame surged from his heart and scorched him. His eyes flooded with tears all at once, and he was screaming. A scream that threatened to rip the sky apart, and soon Adam was with him. Both held each other. Adam’s icy resolve shattered by the flames of emotion that burst from Bones. Matt was gone.  And God could he feel it.

 He didn’t know how long they were there. Time seemed to swing to a rhythm they didn’t understand. But soon Bones was wiping at his eyes. His eyes, his face, and his shirt soaked in his own tears, and Adam’s, when he at last found himself on the soft ground with his arms around Adam’s back, and Adam’s hands toying with his hair.

 “I hate this,” Bones stammered, as Adam hummed in response.

 “I hate that I was so close to him… that I’m alive because of him.”

“And that he’d hate if you wanted to say something like ‘I wish it was me’.”

Bones laughed sadly, “Yeah, that too.”

“We’re figuring out,” Adam sighed softly, “but we’re doing it together. So please, don’t be a fucking idiot like this, okay?”

 “I’m sorry,” Bones pulled away slightly.

 But Adam caught his hand, “No, that’s not what I mean.”

Bones stared at him like he’d spoken a different language, but his mind and body was only barely his own as the fire faded, and he was left in a state between disoriented and in pain.

 “Adam, it’s time to go home,” Adam said at last, and with his hands wrapped in Bones’; there was little the man could do to disagree.

 They walked home in darkness. Bones cringed on every other step, but Adam was always there to keep pulling him forward.

 Despite Adam’s comfort, Bruce was there waiting, and he stood up, looking prepared to give the best lecture he could, but then he saw their faces, felt Bones collapse into his chest, as tears threatened to come once more.

 And Bruce thought he had no tears left to shed after the funeral, but emotions were complicated. Tears mixed with joy that Bones was still here, pain for the pain he knew his boyfriend was in, confusion for how it all felt without Matt, and Matt’s passing still pushing down on his heart like a hydraulic press with just enough pressure to make it hurt, but not enough to make it burst.

 But Bones was back. He and Bruce and Adam shared a bed that night, and Bones desperately yearned for another’s presence after being separated for so long.

      *        *         *         *           *              *             *         *

 There are a few things you can do with a puzzle that’s missing a few pieces. You can keep it tucked away on a shelf with your nostalgia from the days spent putting it together in the first place; you can toss it away as though it has no other use; or you can keep trying to put it back together, even knowing that you’ll never be able to fill that hole.

 In many cases, people can be happy enough with the finished result. The disappointment still rings over the fact that it’s gone, but the experience of putting it together – laughter and jokes about ‘strategy’ as someone threatens to stop any progress – that would stay.

 It was about changing how you saw it. You could never forget the piece that was supposed to go there, and your brain will always try to fill in that gap.

 The trick is figuring out how to love the whole picture when you can’t see it, and how to remember that a missing piece doesn’t make the other pieces incompatible.

 They would feel the weight of Matt missing for a long time. Bones would still dream about another scenario – the one where he switched places and saved Matt from the fate that he was saved from – but they kept going.

 They would put it back together, even if they knew it wouldn’t be filled – and that would be enough. And even in moments, when they joked around and played games or yelled at each other as they normally would, they would fight the urge to look over to his usual spot.

 They had to find a way to keep the rest of the puzzle intact.

#shiphaus #polyhaus #fhot8+ #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #submission

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Workplace Habits

gift from @staranon95​ to grumpybub.tumblr.com

ship: killems

It was one of their regular gaming nights when Adam would bring the drinks and James would supply the food. Just the two of them, sat on James’s couch—the one he’s had since college—knocking out the competition in rounds of GTA, Halo, and what-have-you.

Regular gaming nights where they’d get closer and closer together as the couch sagged under their weight from shot springs. Where James would laugh and slap Adam on the shoulder. Where Adam would eventually hook his leg over James’s because the beer was making him feel cuddly and James would think nothing of it.

They’d always been physical with each other in a way that platonic friends just weren’t. Ever since they met in college as freshmen, roomed together as third years, and supported each other in the industry.

At social gatherings, people always asked, “Is there something between you two or …”

And they would reply. “Nah, we’re just friends.”

And no one really questioned it. How they would hang off one another’s shoulders at a certain point in the night, make sure each other was going to get home all right.

Close friends would comment to each of them when they were finally apart from each other.

“I don’t know why you two haven’t hooked up already, honestly. It’s like you’re married.”

And they would each shrug sheepishly.

“He just wants to be friends.”

“We just think it’s better this way. No big deal.”

They were just friends. Nothing more.

…

They worked in the same industry—video editing for entertainment companies. Not in the same company but in the same area that made it easy to grab lunch together. Frequently and often, just the two of them.

Frequently to the point where Adam’s co-workers would make comments about his behaviour.

“Hello, Adam, darling.” Joel sat himself down on the empty chair next to Adam’s desk and twisted back and forth slightly. “Matt and I are going to grab lunch. Care to join?”

“Nah,” Adam said. “I’ve got plans.”

“Plans you say.”

“Yeah, plans with James probably,” Matt said from the doorway.

That seemed to pique Joel’s interest. “James? Again?”

“Yeah,” Matt said, unimpressed. “You know they go out for lunch, like, three days a week.”

“We’re just friends, guys,” Adam said. “Nothing to get excited about.”

“Adam, you go out for lunch three times a week with the same guy,” Joel said. “That’s something.”

“No. It’s nothing. We’ve just been friends since college. There’s nothing to look in to.”

“We’ve been friends since college,” Matt said, and that didn’t help the situation de-escalate at all. “And we don’t go out for lunch three times a week.”

“I work with you every day.”

Matt shrugged like it was a lost cause, like everyone could see what it was between Adam and James and they just … couldn’t.

His phone buzzed.

5 mins??

“Is that your James?” Joel asked.

“He’s not—don’t you guys have somewhere to be?”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Adam. We just care about you and your non-existent love life.”

“A little too much, don’t you think?” Adam quickly saved his work and stood up. “You guys go have fun. I’m going out to eat.”

“I will see that you address your pining!”

…

It was the end of the day and James was waiting for a video to render. Last thing before he locked up shop for the evening. To pass the time, he was annoying Adam, sending him memes, cat videos, and anything else he could think of to annoy Adam who was surely trying to finish up his own work for the week. His desk mate Lawrence happened to peer over his shoulder.

“You two have the most ridiculous mating rituals,” he said. “Is this how you get him hot under the collar? With memes from three years ago?”

James leaned away and pulled his phone closer to his chest. “You’re just jealous of the friendship I have with Adam.”

“Dude,” Lawrence said, deadpanned. “I have friends—thank you very much. I just don’t try to communicate to them through memes. You’ve achieved the equivalent of a six month relationship. And it’s going steady.”

Bruce, another of their office cohort, happened to pop his head in at that time and asked, “What’s going steady?” Then his eyes widened. “Are James and Adam finally going steady?”

James rolled his eyes and dropped his phone down on his desk. “What is it with everyone thinking Adam and I are together? Can’t we just be two insanely close friends?”

“I wouldn’t say you’re just close friends,” Lawrence said.

“Yeah,” Bruce said, leaning against the office door frame. “You’re more, like, playing gay chicken until the other is forced to break the ice so you can finally admit your feelings for each other.”

“You guys look way too deeply into my friendships with other people,” James said. “Don’t you have better things to do with your time?”

“Not really,” Bruce said.

“I finished my work like an hour ago.”

“Would you all like it if I started sending you blast from the past memes?”

“Oh, come on, James, you know you gotta wine and dine me first if you want to start flirting with me through memes,” Lawrence said.

“Oh, fuck off.”

…

They were at some bar, their friends come together to celebrate something something. Adam didn’t pay attention. Adam was too busy looking at James a few seats away further down the bar. He was laughing at something Bones was saying, several drinks in, hair starting to take on that slight wave in the humidity of the bar.

Matt slumped down beside him, knocking their shoulders and the necks of their beers together. Adam was one drink in, having decided to be the DD that night and needed to keep a clear head about him.

“So,” Matt said.

“So what?”

“Have you ever talked to him about it?”

Adam knew what this was about and decided not to play along. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, Peake.” He lifted his bottle to his lips even though he knew it was practically empty.

“You can’t just go about each other like this anymore. Even I’m hoping for something to happen. You’d be good for each other.”

“Sure,” Adam said, still trying to be as non-confrontational as possible.

“Hey, I’m just saying,” Matt said. “Just offering some advice.”

And Adam wanted to say something a bit biting after that, but he couldn’t. Matt was just looking after him, and he knew. He knew how much Adam … appreciated James. How they met in college and were just always there for each other. He knew better than anyone and was just keeping an eye out on Adam’s emotional health. He should feel comforted by the fact. And he did, somewhat. But continued to watch James drink across the bar, occasionally throwing a look at him just to make sure he was always there. Something they always did for each other.

…

It was Adam who took James home that night. James who had a few too many and was clearly wanting to cross the threshold separating friends from couples.

“You know, everyone just wants us to kiss, right?” he said as he and Adam walked up to his apartment.

“Oh, I know. The guys at work won’t stop pestering me about it.”

“You know what would serve them right?”

“Keys.”

“Right. Right.” James fished out his keys and passed them off. “You know—know what would serve them right?”

“Mm? And what’s that?”

“If we kissed. If we kissed and just showed everybody that two friends can totally kiss and just not have it be weird, you know?”

“Mmhm.”

The door to the apartment was opened, and Adam pulled James inside. “Is it all right if I crash here? I’m way too tired to make it home.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.”

Adam closed the door, and James came to him, leaned against him heavily, hands on his chest. “We should just kiss right now. Get this tension sorted out.”

Adam huffed a laugh, set his hands on James’s biceps. “You think that’s wise?”

“Pfft. Of course. Don’t you trust me, Kovic?”

“Kisses can change things.”

“But they won’t between us. We’re like rocks, you and I. So come on. Pucker up.” James pressed in, and Adam turned his head before the last second. James pressed his lips to his cheek anyway.

“Not now,” Adam said softly. “Not while you’re drunk.”

“You are a true gentlemen.”

“Come on. Time for bed.”

…

Adam woke to the smell of coffee and a gentle touch to the shoulder. He jerked awake but calmed when he saw James. He rolled out onto his back, raised one hand to shield his eyes as he stretched. “What time is it?”

“Late, who the fuck knows. Coffee?”

Adam nodded and pulled his hand away from his eyes, taking the hot mug in hand and leaning over on an elbow to drink it. James walked over to the other side of the couch and motioned at Adam to tuck his legs in, threw in a few nonverbal grunts until he sat down—well, more like sprawled on the other half of the couch until their legs were too tangled for them to do anything about it.

Adam wondered if James remembered. If he was at all clear headed last night when he backed Adam up against the door. Said they should kiss. Judging from the way James was looking at him, it was clear that he remembered. But did he feel guilty? Did he feel like he crossed a line? Because Adam would love to cross that line. Again and again until that line didn’t matter between them. Like it never existed.

“Did you mean what you said last night?” he asked.

“Said what?” James asked and Adam didn’t know if he was being intentionally coy or not.

“You know,” Adam said, because how could James not? It hadn’t been the first time when they bumped together when drunk. They’d kissed before. Never with the both of them sober. Never in the presence of others because … because …

Why hadn’t they discussed this before?

Was this really what Bruce had dubbed as their gay chicken phase?

“Have you ever thought about dating? The two of us?”

“Oh. I was gonna say. I’ve dated before, Adam, please.”

It had Adam smiling at least.

“But I’m good with whatever you want,” James said more seriously this time.

Adam was suddenly aware of how they were laying together, skin on skin as their legs touched, Adam stripped down to his briefs because sleeping in denim was uncomfortable. Nothing really arousing about it. But just. Comfortable. Intimate. As it had always been between them.

So James moved first, pulling his legs in, sitting up a bit more and Adam soon followed. “We can try,” he said. “It’s not like we haven’t done this before.”

“We haven’t done it sober,” Adam pointed out.

“Semantics,” James said, tilted his head and leaned forward. He raised a hand, steadied himself by setting it first on Adam’s shoulder, then his neck when their lips finally met.

As first non-drunk kisses go, it could’ve been better. Adam could’ve brushed his teeth, but James had, smelling and tasting of mint. Of coffee.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the most glamorous kiss in the world, but it was slow. Exploratory. Sensuous. And soon Adam found himself being pressed back onto the couch, laying down as James held himself up, slotting their lips together, moving in sync as they had been for years.

It was so easy, so right, so natural.

And when they finally parted, both flushed, the question came up, “Did that change anything for you?”

“If anything, I just think this means we’re officially going steady.”

A laugh. “When haven’t we?”

And then it was back to kissing, nothing more to their sleepy and slow start to the day. They brought up their hands, twisting into the fabric of their shirts, into their hair, already mussed from slip. Lips smarting and swollen, breath growing ragged. And oh, it felt so good to be this way. And to think, they could share a thousand more and it would be like this. It would always be like this.

“You think anyone will notice if we just don’t tell them?” Adam asked.

“Let’s see how long we can drag this out,” James said. “Have a little fun at their expense.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Adam cupped his cheek, kissed him one more and thought why hadn’t they done this sooner?

#shiphaus #killems #shiphaus secret santa #fic gift #submission

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happy holidays, ya filthy animals.

gifts coming in a few minutes and will be posting throughout the day!

enjoy your monday 💖

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hey guys! you should be submitting your gifts to this blog’s submit by tonight.

if your gift is not yet ready, please message me, we can talk about it!

also, please IM me if you have submitted your gift and i haven’t messaged you about it, just to confirm that i’ve got it.

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messages have been sent out! if you have not gotten your name or if you have any questions, please message me!

remember, i will be checking up on december 9th! nothing serious, just seeing how you’re doing with your gift.

please refer back to the rules, just in case! and don’t hesitate in messaging me if any problems arise!

good luck, and happy shipping 💕

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applications are now CLOSED!! 

names and information should be reaching you in the next few days through either your IM or ask box, so be sure to be on the look out! 

thank you to everyone who applied!

#i don’t know about you guys but i’m excited!

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hey! do you like shiphaus? do you like gifts?

if the answer to both of those is yes, then join the 2017 shiphaus secret santa!!

applications are now open and will close on november 20th!! we accept fan art or fanfic as long as it’s shippy!

read the rules before you apply!!

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