simplymiles

[simplymiles]

i will forever be the person who says "its okay, i understand" even when my heart is breaking into pieces.

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

Hello Tumblr,

It's been a long while.

I miss the version of myself when I'm here.

I miss the overflow of thoughts and emotions and how

I just cannot stop writing.

I don't know what happened though.

Something in me just started to get better.

People started listening, I became more expressive with my emotions, and I learned how to show my emotions compared to,

how scared I was of letting people knew how I felt.

I thought emotions were bad, I thought emotions make you shallow ... something changed,

I became brave.

And I am so proud of myself, I am.

But there's also this part of me that wants to hide.

There's still this part of me that thinks that showing and expressing all of me is a weakness, that being so outspoken can get me into trouble, that saying my thoughts out loud would hurt the people that I love and care about.

But the thing is, once you start speaking out, it's so hard to go back, especially when there are people around you who encourages you and motivates you. There are people who you know that when you say what's on your mind, they don't get hurt, but instead, they show appreciation.

Writing has saved me. It has been my safety.

I wrote all the thoughts that I cannot express, the feelings that I thought I was not allowed to feel, the words that I can't utter, the happiness that I've kept for only me, the conversations that I wish I had, the emotions that overflowed and consumed me, and the prayers that I've kept in my heart ... I wrote it.

It breaks my heart,

cause I don't need it as much.

So I keep coming back to it.

But, it gives me so much joy,

because I don't need to hide anymore.

Healing came ... writing got me through it.

And now, writing?

It's not for safety anymore ...

It's freedom!

#my randoms #myrandoms

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

Claiming peace, joy, wisdom, love, and prosperity for my family this 2024!

#lafamilia

[simplymiles]

I remember this post. I was really at the edge and wanted to end my life. Yung isang comment, sabi nya, "namamaalam?" Little did he know I was really thinking of ending it all. But God, He always intervenes. He really didn't want me to end my life. I remember my mom got sick, before Christmas. We brought her to the hospital, and I was helping my dad take care of her. Then I thought, my family needs me. If I die, who will take care of my parents? Who will take care of my daughter? If I end my life, it would break my mom's heart, and she'd be more sick instead of getting better ... I didn't want that to happen. That kept me going. I thought about the people that needs me. I thought about my family, and how they would probably blame themselves. I don't want to burden them. God kept reminding me that I have a purpose. I am so glad that I didn't go through with ending my life. I used my family as my fuel to keep living. Now, I'm in a state of peace, happiness, and contentment. If I ended my life, I wouldn't be able to experience this. Lord, thank You! You never gave up on me. Thank You, for the purpose that you gave me. It's what drives me to pursuit life. I am alive. I am living.

[simplymiles]

Sometimes, you need to want to seal it. You need to not want to re-visit it.

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

late rainy nights

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[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

I got a lot of things on my mind lately and I just want to say that God is really good, because I've got so many questions and He continues to reveal these answers to me in a very subtle and direct way, which makes me want to go, "Oh, that's why!"

Thank You, Lord for being all the answers to my Why's!

#myrandoms #thankful #thankyou

[simplymiles]

I strive to always be myself. I am other.

[simplymiles]

one of my dream cars 💙🙌🏻

1956 Chevrolet 3100

[simplymiles]

I have this recurring memory of my mom, helping me with my homework in 1st grade. I remember we were in our old apartment, in their room where we all slept, cause it was the most spacious, and there was only one airconditioned room in our house. My siblings and I slept on the floor. So there was I, doing my homework, I remember the lights were off, and there was only a lamp on, and I was trying to spell the word "peaceful", I showed her my work, and she laughed a little cause I spelled it wrong. I spelled it "pisful".

I remember feeling embarrassed cause I spelled every other word correctly, except for that one. That was the last word I had to spell, and I felt so confident when I showed her cause I thought it was going to be right. But I wasn't. So, with a loving tone, she asked me to erase it and dictated that word one by one. P-E-A-C-E-F-U-L.

After I wrote it down, we all went to sleep.

That memory kept replaying in my head, especially when she was helping me spell it; P-E-A-C-E-F-U-L.

I kept thinking about what it meant. Why is this memory on a loop?

But then, I thought about it. It was like my mom relaying a message, or giving me advice. PEACEFUL. BE AT PEACE. NEVER LOSE YOUR PEACE.

I guess, being an extreme overthinker, it's getting the best of me. There are things that I just need to let go of and accept peace.

My mind is so used to chaos, and the toxicity of it consumes me. Peace is never an option. Being at peace is not achievable. Accepting peace is like admitting defeat, and I am drawn back to the chaos of it all.

Maybe my mom is trying to spell it out for me again. Maybe she's dictating it P-E-A-C-E-F-U-L; she's telling me, lovingly, to erase everything, let go of the chaos, and be at peace. Spelling it out for me, spelling out the simplicity of it. And just like that, I'm that little kid again. Thinking I got it all right, thinking that I am doing everything correctly, and embarrassed that I got checked by my mom; cause I was accepting peace incorrectly. I forgot how simple it is. I forgot to focus on the now. I was so focused on the when's and the, why's and the if's again. Overthinking became a habit. Overthinking is a disease. I need to fight for it, strive for it.

I need to accept the fact that peace within me is achievable.

Thanks, Mom, for always looking out for me.

The life lessons were already taught, I just need to figure it out and realize it. I hope you never get tired of spelling it out for me.

P-E-A-C-E-F-U-L.

#MYRANDOMS #MY RANDOMS #FAMILY

[simplymiles]

“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.”

— Abraham Joshua Heschel