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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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Guidance to support your nervous system to regulate a freeze response.

1. Do you often hear yourself saying, " I'm frozen, "I'm helpless", "I'm trapped"?

Freeze is part of the trauma of the body. It is how your body internalizes the effects of unresolved trauma. So, change from saying "I'm frozen" or "I'm stuck" to saying, "My body is frozen, stuck, defensive."

The next step is to realize, "What is your relationship with this frozen, stuck, overwhelmed and stuck body?" How do you help?

2. Repair the internal boundary field. A system in freeze has either rigid boundaries or, loose boundaries, or both. Feel how this reflects in your body:

- feeling overwhelmed and exhausted (disconnected from your own experience, not knowing what's yours to feel and what's others)

-feeling a strong need to control other people's emotions and thoughts, which leaves your body rigid and defensive.

3. A core characteristic of freeze is a low capacity for action and expression. The perceived threat is deep, and the system doesn't feel safe to act or express. Instead, it finds safety in freezing.

The system in freeze will not shift from feeze straight into action. It needs an intermediate phase of SAFETY. With more safety (0.1% at a time), the system softens its defenses, regulates stress, emotions and discomfort and gives access to energy.

So, don't put pressure on your system to act, express, feel, heal or regulate. The pressure might send the system further into freeze.

The last chapter of the book Embodied Healing offers insights, guidance, frameworks, tools and strategies on how to support a system to soften the freeze in the short term (immediacy of a trigger) and long term (a vision and direction to gradually come out of the long term freeze). Link in bio to get your copy.

⁣⁣⁣

Love,⁣⁣⁣

Ally. ⁣⁣

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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#Spotify

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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https://www.boundaries.me/blog/what-happens-when-we-have-bonding-and-connection-issues

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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We compassionate and giving types often feel GUILTY or SELFISH when we try to say no (*especially* when we’re under a lot of pressure to say yes).

When we aren’t sure where the boundary lines are, we feel like it’s *our* responsibility to help others when they ask.

(And often when they don’t ask)…

(And even when it’s not our problem to fix)...

(Even when we have problems of our own that need our attention)...

Uuuugh. 😮‍💨

As we come to discover our boundaries, though, we begin to define terms (like “selfish”) in much different ways.

For example, we finally realize it’s NOT selfish to say no when we need to say no.

It’s actually more like the opposite.

To pressure or bully someone to say yes when they want to say no? THAT’S what’s more likely to be selfish. 👀

And we don’t have to be consumed with guilt anymore for things that aren’t our responsibility.

We can finally say yes or no (or even maybe!) from an empowered place.

We often still choose to help others — simply because we want to.

But when we do need to say no?

We say no.

Kindly, lovingly, and clearly.

And that’s not selfish.

❤️

Molly

PS. If you’d love some help growing in your boundaries and you resonate with my approach, I invite you to explore working with me more closely.

My unique and creative Boundaries 101 class might be the perfect place to start (and right now it’s being offered at half-price)!

Visit my site to learn more:

Http://boundaried.com 🦋

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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Without boundaries, we compassionate folks (sometimes called codependent or people-pleasing) often help others solve problems…while our own emotional lives are in shambles.

Taught to focus outwardly instead of inwardly, helping others seems like the most important thing to do.

Meanwhile, own hearts are desperate for just a little bit of that nurture we give to everyone else.

But…we don’t know how to tend to ourselves.

In fact, we’ve been lead to believe that our own heart is supposed to be someone else’s job.

(Isn’t that what falling in love is for)?

We’ve been putting our own feelings aside to help others for most of our adult lives (often our childhood, too).

Sometimes we wonder,

“When is it my turn?” 😞

We’ve been waiting for so long. Something’s gotta change.

What do we need?

I believe the answer is simple.

It’s boundaries. As in, we need to *become* boundaried.

Because:

🌳 We need to know where we start and stop.

🌳 We need to know what is and is not our responsibility.

🌳 We need to know how to tend to ourselves without feeling guilty.

Including our feelings. Especially our feelings.

It’s our time now.

🌱🌿🌳

❤️

Molly

Counselor-turned-Boundaries-Guide🥰

PS. Would you like to know how to do this for yourself?

If you are ready to discover your boundaries and experience the paradigm-shifting tools that have completely changed my life (and that of soooo many of my clients), my Boundaries 101 class might be just what you’ve been looking for.

Designed specifically for compassionate hearts, many of my clients are fellow counselors, physicians, teachers, caregivers and other kind people — folks who have much to give the world but need to find a way to take care of themselves, too. 💞

My unique and creative approach brings boundaries to life for people like us — in ways my clients say make boundaries doable, practical, loving, and kind.

And client reviews? They’re off the charts!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Best of all, right now Boundaries 101 is currently ON SALE for half-price! 🥳

Are you ready to discover a whole new way?

For Free Resources, Boundaries 101, and more, visit:

Http://boundaried.com/boundaries101 🦋

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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Two implicit memories that trigger or perpetuate freeze in the present moment:

1. "I'M ALONE WITH TOO MUCH. The core of trauma at the nervous system level is not an event but our nervous system not having the right support and conditions to regulate, integrate and come back to safety through times of adversity.

It's not only that the system was forced to stay with experiences that exceeded its capacity, but it had to stay all alone.

So, there's an implicit memory at the level of the nervous system of "I'm alone in this" that gives a sense of helplessness and overwhelm.

Notice the moments when your system is forced to stay with too much discomfort alone. This reminds your system of all the moments when that happened in the past.

2. "I HAVE TO HIDE MY TRUTH TO SURVIVE". Notice in what ways you hide yourself, your vulnerability, your pain, your wounded parts or your authenticity in the present moment. How does this make your nervous system feel/respond? Isn't it creating more pressure, taking up so much energy and triggering more freeze in the long term?

If the nervous system has learned to survive by hiding its pain and reality, this is what will project/reinforce.

A new layer of support for the system in freeze is creating space for opposing needs: needs that serve protection/trauma suppression and needs that serve healing and reconnection.

For example, the need that serves protection asks to hide our truth and pain and the need that serves healing asks to embrace more of who we are: the vulnerable, the authentic, and the "not healed yet". Both require space, attention and understanding.

For more trauma-safe and nervous system-informed insights and tools to work with a dysregulated and traumatized system, I recommend checking the book Embodied Healing via the link in bio.

Love,

Ally.

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so-tell-me-will · 6 months

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